It just gets better and better . . . NOT

[TxKimberly]

As I recently posted, we found out Thanksgiving day that my Mother in law apparently knows about me and has been kind enough to share that with at least some of my wife's family. (Thanks Mom, love ya'! Really! Mean it!) hag

Well today it got even better. My wife works at the same company I do so when I'm in town, we drive to work and back together. Today she let me know that one of the other ladies at our office was asked not to invite my wife and I to her "couples" baby shower. And I quote "I don't wont those kind of people around".
For this to make sense, you have to know that a woman who I now fondly think of as "Witch" used to work for my company, found out about me, and was completely repelled by it. Witch told the same woman who shared the "I don't wont those kind of people around" comment with us more than a year ago. It now appears that she told more people.
So way cool! My wife loves me for 20 years and gives me two wonderful children. I repay her by repelling her family and ruining any chance she has to make normal friends at work.
When we were speaking about it at dinner tonight, and it was all I could do to keep from crying, she told me "I know it makes you happy and I don't wont ask you to stop, but it hasn't been good for me."
Wow, I feel pretty much like the lowest thing on the planet right now.

[AllieSF]

Kimberly,

I am so sorry to hear about your troubles. I cannot say that I totally understand the level of pain that you are now going through because I have never been there nor done that. From your posts, I know that you are a solid person with a cool head on your shoulders, and from this post today, that your wife appears to be similar in makeup. I do wish both you the best as this issue goes through its various stages and hopefully early demise. Time heals, and sometimes what we think is an unbearable situation somehow evolves over time into life as usual with some modifications. Keep your chins up and from this end, I send you many hugs :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[suzanne]

That scene is as ugly as anything I can imagine. Please be strong and know there are a lot of people rooting for you here. Keep everyone posted. I am praying for some good to come of this. Good luck.

[JenniferR771]

I think you are an amazing person. Very thoughtful husband and wonderful father, too. Hang in there. This is a bump in the road. Crossdressers have to live with the possibility of prejudice and misunderstanding. By now a lot of people may know, and 99 percent will still respect you--no change at all. The people who count will be there for you.

Hugs,
Jennifer

[Veronica 1]

Hang in there hon. Just remember the saying, by who I don't know, "Say what you will and be who you are, those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind."

[Susan.]

Sorry to hear about your situation. Hopefully, you'll have plenty of real friends around when this is all said and done.

I see how bad the people are around Austin, I can't imagine what they are like in my area of Texas. Personally, I don't take any chances. When my son comes home everything, except what could easily be my wife's, is put up. When we have people over, the stuff is put up. When it is put up in the attic it is marked ebay or something just in case.

Good luck.

[Sally2005]

I'm sad to hear about the pain you are having. All you can do is try to take something poistive away from it (and maybe do some damage control). You now know more about who you can and can not trust. That can be valuable to you and your wife in the future when you have to deal with these people again.

You didn't ask to be who you are, so don't feel sorry for it. You and your wife both know of a lot more positive experiences. Try to remember those.

[Holly]

OMG, Kim! Those kind of people? Just who does she think she is!?:Angry3: Kim, you must get the notion out of your head that YOU hurt your wife. Nothing could be farther from the truth. A narrow-minded, judgmental, dimwit hurt your wife. You wife sound like a tremendous woman. But as Aluchi has said, what appears as tragedy often is what strengthens. The two of you draw on your shared passion for life. You have my number... call me if you want to talk.

[Zee]

As I recently posted, we found out Thanksgiving day that my Mother in law apparently knows about me and has been kind enough to share that with at least some of my wife's family. (Thanks Mom, love ya'! Really! Mean it!) hag

Well today it got even better. My wife works at the same company I do so when I'm in town, we drive to work and back together. Today she let me know that one of the other ladies at our office was asked not to invite my wife and I to her "couples" baby shower. And I quote "I don't wont those kind of people around".
For this to make sense, you have to know that a woman who I now fondly think of as "Witch" used to work for my company, found out about me, and was completely repelled by it. Witch told the same woman who shared the "I don't wont those kind of people around" comment with us more than a year ago. It now appears that she told more people.
So way cool! My wife loves me for 20 years and gives me two wonderful children. I repay her by repelling her family and ruining any chance she has to make normal friends at work.
When we were speaking about it at dinner tonight, and it was all I could do to keep from crying, she told me "I know it makes you happy and I don't wont ask you to stop, but it hasn't been good for me."
Wow, I feel pretty much like the lowest thing on the planet right now.

We understand. Things will work themselves out (somehow they always do), but that doesn't alleviate the pain you are feeling right now. At least you can talk with your wife about this. I hope that she can be as understanding and empathetic as I am sure you are. Just know that we are here for you and support you and your wife in all that you do.

Luv's
Z

[goofus]

OMG, Kim! Those kind of people? Just who does she think she is!?:Angry3: Kim, you must get the notion out of your head that YOU hurt your wife. Nothing could be farther from the truth. A narrow-minded, judgmental, dimwit hurt your wife. You wife sound like a tremendous woman. But as Aluchi has said, what appears as tragedy often is what strengthens. The two of you draw on your shared passion for life. You have my number... call me if you want to talk.

I agree! This woman is a narrow-minded judgmental dimwit! Your wife should ask herself if she really wants to be friends with this person... :2c:


Sorry to hear about your situation. Hopefully, you'll have plenty of real friends around when this is all said and done.

I see how bad the people are around Austin, I can't imagine what they are like in my area of Texas. Personally, I don't take any chances. When my son comes home everything, except what could easily be my wife's, is put up. When we have people over, the stuff is put up. When it is put up in the attic it is marked ebay or something just in case.

Good luck.

Wow, and Austin is supposed to be the hippest place in Texas. Makes me glad I'm a northerner, although believe me we still have plenty of ignoramuses around here...

[alyssalove56]

I feel unqualified to respond, but, I think there are some experiences like yours lurking in my future.
I pray for you. We are all just being..............
God bless the child.

[Melinda G]

I can understand you feeling bad for your wife. But I wouldn't lose too much sleep over not being invited to a "couples" baby shower.

[sterling12]

Can't say anything to make all of this go away. How I wish I could! For you, and everybody else who has faced this kind of mess. You have my deepest sympathy's.

The only good I can see in it, is that you and your wife are now going to find out who your true friends are. Wish I could tell you that you could do damage control and minimize this situation, but I can't. Why she would want to alienate her daughter, I can't even imagine. I really hope it does not effect your job status.

WHY, do we have to keep going through this stuff? Whatever your gender status, it should not have anything to do with your character, and your worth as a human being. To be ostracized, to be publicly ridiculed and pilloried, to have it effect your wife and children....just wrong! Just don't know why the hell people can't leave us alone.

Peace and Love, Joanie

PS. And I'm also sorry about your mess Kris. Maybe the moon is in The 8th House, maybe Jupiter isn't aligned with Mars. We sure have had a lot of bad news lately.

[CDTiffany]

Kimberly, I am so Sorry. That stinks big time.
Wow, I dont know what to even say. Some people need lots of therapy, And it aint us!!!!!!!!!
I really hope you and your family overcome this, Tuff road darling. but I think if anybody can rise up and make this turn out for the better it is you. If you want to talk some time, Let me know. I think the world of you. And I wish nothing but the best for you and your family.
Take care sweet heart!!!!!!!!!!
I love Ya!
your friend Tiffany

[marny]

This might sound simplistic, and I apologize for suggesting it, but you are out! You can't turn back. They have made their decision. It's your move hon! I know you don't want to hurt anyone . You don't have to flaunt it but maybe you can relax and enjoy it. your immediate familly accepts you. The rest can go fly! :2c:

[Kelsy]

Kimberly,

I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. Don't let low lives steal your dignity!!
The worst part of all of this is the subtle attack on your wife and the sleasy attempt to drive a wedge between the two of you. I hope all will work out in the end.
I often have fears of how someone elses discovery of me would affect my wife. She is completely accepting but add the dimention of interfering unfeeling people, people who would question her and exclude her because of me then what is a peaceful, loving and fun life could be severly damaged!!

Hang in there sister , Love that family of yours and Hold on

Love Kelsy

[GailTulane]

Kimberly, I wish that this had never happened to you, or that it would just go away.
Since neither is the case, and what is done is done, I am wondering if it might not be worthwhile to try to have a face-to-face talk with your wife's friend. You never know, if she is a reasonable person, perhaps you could dispel some misconceptions, remove some prejudice, make her aware of the pain that has been caused, and, maybe, even enlist her help.
I sincerely hope that the situation improves.
Warmly,
Gail

[trannie T]

Kim, please quit blaming yourself. It is not your fault that other people are idiots.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

Hiya sis,

I wish I had something... anything that might help you feel better during this. This is actually one of those situations that I haven't encountered before in my reading, experiences shared by other CDers and my own life.

Keep communicating...

*much hugs*
Zara

[Lissa Stevens]

I can't even imagine what you are feeling. What you are going through, most of us fear terribly. Just know you have a lot of friends who are willing to listen. Take care of yourself and be strong, and think about the fact that maybe friends that act the way they did are not true friends. Maybe you don't need them.

[Denise Barrett]

Hi Kimberly,:hugs::hugs:

Everytime I read what you have to say on this forum, it inspires me. This shouldn't happen to someone as nice and giving as you. As your wife said, "it hasn't been good for me", but, never having been married, isn't that what marriage is about; loving each other through everything, even the difficult times. Knowing her, through you, I believe that is exactly what will happen. And knowing you, through your words, you will show up each workday, head held high, giving respectability to us all. Thank you for that.

With all my love and respect for you both,:love:
Denise

[Sandra]

My wife loves me for 20 years and gives me two wonderful children. I repay her by repelling her family and ruining any chance she has to make normal friends at work.

If they can't accept you and your wife then they are the kinda friends you both can do with out.


When we were speaking about it at dinner tonight, and it was all I could do to keep from crying, she told me "I know it makes you happy and I don't wont ask you to stop, but it hasn't been good for me."
Wow, I feel pretty much like the lowest thing on the planet right now

Don't feel so bad yes she will have been having a bad time with it but she's still there with you. Both of you should live you lives as you want to and sod the rest, if they really care about you will come round.

[Lucy Bright]

Kimberly, I was so sorry to read this. I can only repeat what the others have said, that there are positives (a strong and loving wife), and that you can't hold yourself responsible for other people's attitudes. If you'd been black, and your wife' coworker had said "I won't have those sort of people in the house" you wouldn't be feeling guilty about it, would you? You'd be angry! Well, how much more choice do you have about being CD than about your race? Whether it's nature or nurture I've no idea, but I'm pretty sure none of us volunteered for it.

Meanwhile, focus on the important things. You're there for your wife - and you know that we're here for you.

Kisses,

Lucy :hugs:

[Amanda Shaft]

Dimwit is a good word; no it’s a great word! It’s a great big straight to the point word: dimwit, dimwit, dim-witted. You’re problem is that you care for your wife; their problem is that they are dimwits. You should be proud and pleased you care so much for someone; they are dimwits and should be dismissed as such. Don’t let others shortcomings and prejudiced impact on your relationship and deal with the outside world together, for there is strength in togetherness and love. You’re not wrong, they are. Stay strong.
Yours Amanda x

[Kate Simmons]

Kim, You are a good husband, father and provider. Your record speaks for itself and the only thing you are guilty of is loving your family and being yourself. I only wish there were more "pariahs" such as you in this world.

[RachelDenise]

Kimberly, I'm so sorry for your troubles, and I know you feel especially bad about the situation it has created for your wife. There is no fix to this. Keep talking to your wife, treat her special, take her away somewhere and be wonderful to her!

[Joy Carter]

When I was a kid I recall seeing a movie, where some rich guy to another guy (commoner) that he needs to know who his BETTERS are. I recall at the time how unfair and mean that statement was.
I think the WITCH suffers from the "I'm Better Than You Syndrome."
What does she really mean in you and your wife's lives ? I'd say nothing.:p

[MJ]

Thank God YOU ALL are my kind of people .. sad to say but education and acceptance is the key ..

Kim you are amazing inspiring wonderful person your amazing wife is so accepting .. lets face it .. this means you don't have to get that couple a gift .. more for you and yours ... my heart goes out to you both .. :love:

[Raychel]

I once had a very similar thing happen in my life. When I first started going out with my wife, we had some relationship issues. My then friends knew all about what was going on.

My then girlfriend and I went to a party at their house and I over heard the wife say "I don't want that bitch at my house"

That night I found out what they were really like. True friends don't say things like that. They accept you for who you are and what you do.

That was the last I saw them.

I married that girl 14 years ago, now have a good house with a white picket fence, 3 great kids, and overall a good life.

They have divorced after the wife found him cheating on her for the third time. He has had probably 20 differant jobs and is living out of some old trailer somewhere, hooked on cocaine a whole host of other drugs along with his drinking problem.

Moral to the story, Friends like that are not real friends. You are better off without them in your life. Enjoy the person you value the most. That is your wife. She is the true friend, She is by your side no matter what, and I would bet that she will never say anything like that.

:hugs:
Raychel

[S. Lisa Smith]

I can't add anything that would be more worth while than what has been said above. We are all here for you and we will do all we can to help!

[Stacye Rose]

Kim,

I haven't been on this forum very long, but you are an inspiration to me and obviously to many others here as well. Your MIL sounds like a nasty bit of work, you have no choice but to put up with her as in-laws come as a package deal with your wonderful and loving spouse. (tell her to go fly a kite)
As far as the Witch at work etc/ she must be a very, very small person with nothing better to than sew discontent about things she is to ignorant to understand.

I have a suggestion: Get T-shirts made that say THOSE PEOPLE in big letters and wear them to work. Get a bumper-sticker that says "I'm the person your mother warned you about". Round up everyone where you work that's at all open-minded and have a non-shower. But first formost and most of all do something incredible for that wonderful wife of your's; take her to the islands, buy her a BIG diamond, get her new furniture, paint the house. Do whatever it is she most wants and desires. She deserves it and you will both enjoy the experience.

Best of luck, hang in there

Non Illegitemi Carborundum

[Michelia]

After all the work you do trying to keep it all together and doing the best you can, it is a shame to have to go through this. The important thing is to not let this get in between you and your wife. It sounds like she loves you much.

You can always make new friends. More of the type that will make good friends. There is someone always out there talking about you because you are too liberal or you drive an old car or you are fat or you live in a certain neighborhood...You might want to work on finding new friends that will fill the void for your wife - if possible.

Do not feel guilty. You are a good person and husband. And your wife knows this.

[Mary Morgan]

Kimberly, I am sorry for your wife and I'm equally sorry that there are so many uncaring, unfeeling people in the world. When I got out of the Army in 1971, I attended a few holiday parties with my wife's work acquaintances. When asked what I did for a living, I stated that I was not yet employed, that I had just gotten out of the service. My wife and I were immediately cut from the herd. Later when I began my career in law enforcement, we were again cut from the herd. Seems people only want soldiers and cops when they personally need them. Anyway stuff happens. I imagine that you both have many friends and that is where you both should focus. I'd love to take away all of my families pains, and certainly not cause any new ones, but I'm afraid the best I can do is be there to care and console when something happens that I cannot control. My best to you both. Hugs, Mary Louise

[Shaquani]

Hi Kimberly,

Hope you don't mind, but I'd like to add my 2-cents worth of pop-psychology. Don't know if it's appropriate, but maybe it can give you and your wife another perspective on the situation.

You see, I think you're fighting an uphill battle and it's not primarily related to the crossdressing, but it's more to do with the mother-in-law. I've asked myself how she justifies to herself what she is doing. No doubt she'll say "I only want what's best for my daughter". But in the meantime she might be motivated by a (most likely unconscious) feeling of intense jealousy for the deep love between you and your wife, a love that she may never have experienced herself. The only way she can deal with the jealousy is by destroying your love, and your crossdressing provides her with the perfect weapon. Your wife is like Cinderella (or Snowwhite, I always get those mixed up), who's found her Prince Charming (yep, that's you), and your m-i-l is like the evil witch intent on destroying goodness. In this analogy your crossdressing is the apple: a sweet, innocent and delicious fruit in itself, but a poisonous murder weapon in the hands of the wrong people. So the main issue may not be about crossdressing at all, if she hadn't found out about that she probably would've poisoned some other apple to make you miserable.

Seems to me like a heck of a battle, but I know there's a happy ending somewhere.

Good luck !!
Shaquani

[Jilmac]

Kimberly, it's sad to hear stories like yours. I can't imagine the turmoil in your household and workplace, it must be awesome. It's a shame that people can't see beyond the tip of their nose. I hope and pray that this incedent won't cause a rift between you and your spouse. I understand what it's like to have a blabbermouth:chatterbox: tell the world about your alternate lifestyle. My ex told everyone in her office. You have my deepest sympathy and prayers:praying:. Hang in there hon,:hugs: Jill

[Tree GG]

You know, women are tough. We can survive petty gossip pretty well - learn to do it early on. Slumber parties....blech :puke:

Your empathy for your wife's feelings....you genuine awareness of what she's going thru and sympathy for her speaks volumes about you as a person and your relationship. Your wife knows what kind of person she married - like most of us do. Responsible CDing is rarely a major problem. It's the lack of these qualities you're exhibiting that makes it a deal breaker.

I'm sorry you feel so lousy and low. Take heart in that the situation prevented you from being invited to a place you didn't really need to be anyway - could've been worse to be there and then ridiculed. Keep on being that good person and let the rest go. I know your wife appreciates it.

[Karen Francis]

Any one who can play guitar and record as well as you doesn't deserve this.
It is time for you to leave the "little minded" people and their activities behind. This includes inlaws, which I suspect had reservations about you before they knew of your hobby.
You are an intelligent caring person, who needs to seek out other intelligent caring persons who can accept your entire personality. The others who are critical of your part time lifestyle should be minimized.
My wife's greatest fear is that my crossdressing will become common knowledge. It has led to much soul searching between us, in the end she decided I was worth more to her than her small minded friends and relatives.
She also realizes that she is not responsible for my actions, and if her friends don't undershand that she really doesn't need them.

[Chari]

Kimberly, You are NOT the problem in this situation, rather you are the solution to your wifes understanding and acceptance of who you really are together! Rely on each other, get strength from each other, and continue to remain far above those in your shadow.

Hugs2U, Chari

[Shelly Preston]

Kimberly
You are a wonderful caring person with some amazing talent too :hugs:

I know its hard not to feel pain because of what your wife is going through
She knows the real you and not what someone has no idea thinks

I would be very tempted to invite this woman to a "narrow minded party"
she can have in a phone booth
Using the term "those people" just makes my blood boil :Angry3:

I feel like slapping her and telling her to go crawl back under a rock

She is most likely jealous of your relationship with your wife

As for your mother in law maybe if she hears that story and how it has hurt her daughter she think twice before saying anything more

Give your wife a big hug from all of us :hugs:

[katieblush]

Kimberly hi,

You are not alone on this issue,my wifes family is large lots of partys etc,we used to be invited but that seems to have stopped,hmmm i wonder why,its sad you try to be good careing, loving and in return some people wish to destroy you,it seems crazy, these people who wish to put us into the same category as criminals do not count as humans.

Many times i have felt such torture knowing my wife will have to endure alot of the grief that comes our way,we have spoken about it and she seems ok with the hate some people can give those people do not matter together we are strong,it seems they will allways find something or someone to run down.I feel your pain tho, its a problem that raises its head from time to time
and during these times despair,anger, shame etc seem to fill my heart with nowhere to turn only inward and negitive that is if you let it eat away at you.
I do not know your wife but she sounds like a nice person,i hope this all blows over for you both,please dont let the spiteful spineless cauldren stiring hags get to you they will never beat you be strong both xxx

[TV Wannabe]

"Let them hate as long as they fear"

[Dawn D.]

Kimberly,

I just wanted to say that I am in total shock at how others in this world can be SO uncaring and mean-spirited as to ostracize those they really know nothing about. My mother always told me when I was young about people as you have encountered that were in her workplace. Her advice to me was, "give them enough rope and they will hang themselves". In other words, their ignorance will eventually show to those they are trying to impress and you will be the beneficiary in the end!

As for your dear Wife, she seems to really care for you and that is something rare in our community. I'm sure this is devastating to her though on a personal level, being shunned from those she thought were friends. Give her (as I am sure you already are) all the love and understanding possible. Tell her that my family will be preying for and keeping your family in our thoughts.




Dawn

[AmandaM]

God, I hate people! This has happened to me a few times. Once, I was in a house with some friends, a girl was interested in me and was asking another girl about me in another room, and she said, "Oh, he's a fag". F* B*. Then, an old girlfriend told my friends about me. Lost twelve friends that day. Now, I don't want friends. Except those here. People totally suck. I think you and your wife ought to use that witch's terminology about her, "Oh, we don't associate with those kind of people". If someone inquires, you can state they're lying and deceitful. I find that if you don't give a rat's as*, that neither will others.

[TxKimberly]

Thanks everyone for your interest and your kind words. Believe it or not, it does help

I suppose I posted this for several reasons, among them the fact that when something hurts, it some times helps to share it with others that have an understanding. I really do thank you all.
Another reason I think is as a warning. Six or seven years ago I was riding high on being TG, didn't really care much who might or might not know. When I found out "Witch" was going to be going out with a lesbian co-worker/friend of mine, and they were going to be at the same club I had already planned to be at, I should have used my common sense. I should have either not gone or at least stayed away from her. Instead, I assumed that her being willing to be at that club with a gay co-worker implied that she would be open minded - I was wrong. I should have used my best judgement about her to decide if it was something I should share, I shouldn't have let circumstances encourage me to do something I hadn't planned on.

I saw a response to my post, telling of the terrible night another person had. I see that the post has disappeared so I will assume this person decided to remove it and I wont mention her name. The First thing I want to say is what a bummer, SHE most definitely had a terrible night. Loved ones hurt, and loved one's hurting each other - now THAT'S a bad night
The second thing I wanted to say to her was thank you. Thank you for putting things into perspective. Yeah this sucks, and yeah my wife gets to pay a price for loving me, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not worth being crushed over. Many people have much more serious problems they have to confront and deal with.

Take care,
Kim

[Julogden]

Hi Kimberly,

Wow, that's a tough one to deal with.

However, judging by your postings here, it seems to me that you're the sort of person that most people really like, and I'd bet that your wife is too. Hopefully, there are enough people in your family and your work place who like you so much that your secret getting out won't matter to them. I'll bet that the "Witch" and her ilk are a tiny minority who won't matter in the long run.

Hang in there!
Carol

[marie354]

Sounds to me like you shouldn't associate with 'that kind of people' TeeHeeHee.

Some people really have a narrow understanding of us and don't want to broaden it by reading or talking to us.
So look at all that they will miss. Why not go out to a nice restaurant using the money that would have gone to a gift for them. Bet your wife would like that, and I'll bet you would too.

[jenniferj]

Hey Kim,

Buck up, little cowgirl! (I've always wanted to say that to a texas lady). You have a wonderful friend and mate in your wife and she will help you through all of this. Be very good to her - she is a gem. Try to finish painting the house (I understand - my house needs a new roof) and then take her for a romantic weekend in the Mustang (ditto - my Fiat hasn't run in 3 years). :)

1. The mother-in-law issue is in your wife's control; since the lovely woman apparantly has a burr under her saddle regarding you, it is up to your wife to assert that you two are a package deal. If MIL is not nice to you, she is not being nice to your wife - and your wife can show her displeasure. If it is unpleasant enough, just don't acknowledge the sweet thing (hag). If she persists, the two of you should just reduce your contact with her. Be nice to everyone else in the family, but be classy. (I know that I don't need to tell you that)

My MIL knows nothing of JJ, but she still has very little use (other than as a gardener/handyman/driver/servant) for me after 35 years of marriage with her daughter. Who is, BTW, the only one of the three sisters with her original hubby. It is relatively easy to just let it slide off, if you let it.

2. The rest of the family needs to accept you as you are. Don't flaunt your differences (I don't recommend showing up at Xmas in a Mrs.Claus miniskirt) and just don't let it be an issue. If they make it one, do your best to ignore it. I doubt that everyone will shun you - even in Texas.

3. I do see a potential problem at work - since people (stupid, mean people) are gossiping, the word will spread. I recommend that you put your big-girl panties on, screw up all of your courage, and discuss this with your supervisor. He/she is going to hear about it eventually, under less than ideal circumstances. I don't know the degree of legal protection you have in Texas, but chances are that they can't directly discriminate against you for this; by bringing it to the forefront, it makes it more difficult for them to harm you for "other reasons". And you will feel so much better.

4. As for those "friends" who don't want to associate with "your kind" - do you really want to associate with "their kind"? Don't let the CDing define you in the world (Don't go to PTA meetings dressed like June Cleaver) and most folks will only know about this through gossip. People who can't see beyond the gossip are really just looking for ways to be mean, and they will always find one.

Kim, you are one of the flowers and shining stars of this forum and it hurts us all to see you unhappy. Do happy things with you wife, and buy yourself a new pair of shoes!

My very best,

-jj

[Kimberley]

Kim, this vacuums big time.

Neither you or your wife did anything wrong or to deserve this kind of venom sprouting from a small and ignorant mind. Your wife has been a supporter and you two have walked this path together. Dont loose sight of that; either of you.

Both of you have more reason to hold your heads up than these other snakes do. You have each other, a deeper understanding of one another than most couples and THAT is what counts. Dont lose sight of that.

Show the idiots what REAL love is.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[SherriePall]

Kim -- I wish I could wave a magic wand and say something profound and healing, but I can't. I'm just so sorry that this is happening to you and your wife. I know I would be devastated if it happened to me or my family. Just take care!

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Hey Kim my 2 cents is that you can hold your head up high and be proud of who you are, you are not hurting anyone, although as your wife has stated it is tough on her. I am in somewhat the same situation as you are and my take is that true friends see you for who you really are and your crossdressing is a plus in my opinion, it makes you "who you are". Hold your wife close as she is a definate "keeper". Good luck with Life. P.S. I wish I looked as hot as your picture, is that for real, I am jelous.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Not much I can add Kim, except that life is seldom fair. I think you are an awesome person and if others don't want to be around you then it's their loss.

Emily Ann

[Dayna]

Kim,

I wish there was something profound I could say to make everything right. Unfortunately, we cannot put the genie back in the bottle.

For the past few years I have come to this forum looking for acceptance and validation; I have found it. Being here has given me confidence, and when I read posts about those who have come out to family, friends, and co-workers, and who have ben showered with support and love, it makes me think that someday I too will be able to come out--on my own terms, of course.

It pains me to read your story. I can only hope that you and your wife together can overcome the hatred shown you. It's very sad that your wife has to be the victim, but she is fortunate to have you. Be her strength, and know that for every Witch there are hundreds of friends here that support you.

Peace,

[Fab Karen]

I totally agree with Salandra: the only thing you are guilty of is loving your family and being yourself. You don't cause people's bigotry. "Those kinds of people"- ignorant hateful people make up stories about what black people, latinos, gays & lesbians, crossdressers, etc. are like.
You're not a murderer, you're not a pedophile, you're not a drug addict... in the 21st. century crossdressing should be no big deal. Your wife gets to see the truth about some of the people at work. Real friends can be found anywhere, who wants to hang out with people filled with hate?

[paulaN]

I really feel your pain. I have felt that same pain myself at times in my own life. I wish there is something that I could do for you to help you out. A magic wand would be great right now.
What I can do it tell you that I think you are a great person. I'll even go so far as to say that I love you. I have read so many of your stories and you have always lifted me up and inspired me. I thank you for that. I hope that you can do the same for your wonderfull wife.
I hope God will give you the courage to win this battle that you are fighting. And your family stays hole and gets stronger because of it.
P.S. I wish I could have made it to Boston and met you last month. good luck and I'm pullen for ya. lots of love Paula

[charllote34]

So very sory to hear about all that , if you were here i would give you a hug , hope you can sort it out for the both of you xxxx:hugs:

[LilKimmiCD]

Hi TX Kimberly! First let me say, that I think that you are stunningly beautiful! From reading your other posts, I gathered that you were in Pershing missles. I was also in Pershing. I was in the 56th FAB in the early 70's in Germany.
Let's chat darlin, you seem sweet. You are very pretty.

[AlenaAK]

A person whom one knows well and cherishes. These people, I
use the word loosely are not friends.

Give your wife a big hug & kiss tell her How much you love her.
You two are the closest friends 2 people can have.

Keep Your Head Up High

Alena

[krisla]

Kim

As I was reading your post I started to cry. I have been reading your posts for sometime now and I know how much you love your family and how much this latest development hurts you. Kimberly is a wonderful person but never forget I also she her as a good husband and Father. You are very blessed you have such an understanding wife, people can be cruel and they will lash out at those you love. You wouldn't be the husband and farther you are withuout Kimberly it's a paradox the very thing that is our strength can be seen as a weakness by others. Be strong and I will keep you and your family in my prayers

Kris

[tina jayne]

hi kim sorry that you are going through a rough time at present,and the problem is not between you or your wife ,like most things its with other people, and there out look on life as to what is right or wrong . the problem with people when they say ",we dont wont thoes kind of people " or words to that effect ,but no one knows whats hiding in there closet .its easy to say dont worry ,but we all do , like ever one has said you love your wife and she loves you that is all that matters, bye for now tina :love:

[Annaliese]

As I recently posted, we found out Thanksgiving day that my Mother in law apparently knows about me and has been kind enough to share that with at least some of my wife's family. (Thanks Mom, love ya'! Really! Mean it!) hag

Well today it got even better. My wife works at the same company I do so when I'm in town, we drive to work and back together. Today she let me know that one of the other ladies at our office was asked not to invite my wife and I to her "couples" baby shower. And I quote "I don't wont those kind of people around".
For this to make sense, you have to know that a woman who I now fondly think of as "Witch" used to work for my company, found out about me, and was completely repelled by it. Witch told the same woman who shared the "I don't wont those kind of people around" comment with us more than a year ago. It now appears that she told more people.
So way cool! My wife loves me for 20 years and gives me two wonderful children. I repay her by repelling her family and ruining any chance she has to make normal friends at work.
When we were speaking about it at dinner tonight, and it was all I could do to keep from crying, she told me "I know it makes you happy and I don't wont ask you to stop, but it hasn't been good for me."
Wow, I feel pretty much like the lowest thing on the planet right now.

Sorry to here what has happened, we just have to deal with the witches and hags of the word, but our family shoud not have to. Your wife is a keeper.

Anna

[MsJanessa]

Sorry to hear about all this---would you like Me to come to Texas and give the offending parties a public whipping?? Sounds exactly what those two "ladies" deserve. However in the overall scheme of things, not being invited to a "couples" baby shower--called a Jack and Jill in Maine btw---is not the end of the world---the good thing is that Austin is a big area with lots of people, many of whom are intelligent, charming, attractive and tolerant---those are the ones that you and your SO should hang with. Not the intolerant harpies with their heads up their you know whats.

[Julie York]

The telling point is the phrase "Those kind of people". Wouldn't it be great to sit that ignorant woman in a chair and say, "OK what does that mean exactly?" She probably has no idea. And if she could explain herself it would be one ignorant statement after another.

I can understand you feeling bad but it shouldn't be because of what you are, but because of what OTHER people are.

[goofus]

Later when I began my career in law enforcement, we were again cut from the herd.

That's terrible ... cops often get a bad rap (sometimes with good reason) but theirs is not an easy job...

[Nicole Erin]

I once had a very similar thing happen in my life. When I first started going out with my wife, we had some relationship issues. My then friends knew all about what was going on.

My then girlfriend and I went to a party at their house and I over heard the wife say "I don't want that bitch at my house"
That night I found out what they were really like. True friends don't say things like that. They accept you for who you are and what you do.

That was the last I saw them.

I married that girl 14 years ago, now have a good house with a white picket fence, 3 great kids, and overall a good life.

Living well is the best revenge. :devil:

They have divorced after the wife found him cheating on her for the third time. He has had probably 20 differant jobs and is living out of some old trailer somewhere, hooked on cocaine a whole host of other drugs along with his drinking problem.

Sounds like some of the F-wits i work with. Too bad the husband didn't have a CD girlfriend, that would have REALLY bothered the wife.

Moral to the story, Friends like that are not real friends. You are better off without them in your life. Enjoy the person you value the most. That is your wife. She is the true friend, She is by your side no matter what, and I would bet that she will never say anything like that.

The marriage vows say something about "foresaking all others". The spouse is suppose to be the #1 person in your life. For Kim, it sounds like they are each others' best friend.

:hugs:
Raychel

The whole thing with fake friends is this - some people keep "friends" just to make it look like they are popular. We know good friends are very hard to come by once we get out of school. Too busy of lives.

Kim, your language in describing these a******s in your life is quite mild. Of course you are a lady. Also look on the bright side - at least now you don't have to buy gifts for that woman who could not keep her legs closed. :heehee:

[Delilah]

Kim, I hope everything works out for you. People can really be mean and inconsiderate.

Hugs, Delilah

[Cassy11]

Kim, I have read many of your posts and they have always been thoughtful and insightful. I for one can't think of any advice to give you except love your wife now more than ever. I draw a blank when I think of how I would handle this situation. I still wonder what kind of people "those kind of people" are.

[AmandaM]

:hugs:

:hugs: Hugs for TX Kimberly! :hugs:

:hugs:

[caryn m]

all my best wishes to you and your wife she needs your support and im certain she is getting it . she is a terriffic person for her support in you and she deserves your support. as my loving mother used to say you can choose your friends but you are stuck with your relatives all the best and hope it works out for both of you caryn

[insearchofme]

Can I say anything to make you feel better right now? Probably not, but what I am going to say has served me well when I've been faced with daunting situations.

The German philosopher Neitche said, "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger"! Also remember that steel is tempered by fire. The steel is your and your wife's relationship, the fire is what you're both going through right now. This will make your love stronger and you'll be closer in the long run.

Please remember that tough times do not last, tough people do! Give her and accept from us a big HUG!

[Suzy Harrison]

Oh Kim – The thing is you haven’t done anything wrong – you’re just a victim of someone else’s prejudice. It’s not as if you’ve run around telling everyone at work about the CD side of life. This is the same as someone spreading around a false rumor about a person – as it’s very difficult to defend yourself without highlighting the subject.

We have friends and we have acquaintances -
Anyone who gives you a hard time over this were never true friends in the first place - just acquaintances.

We’re all thinking of you and I’m sure it will all settle down in the end.

:hugs: Suzy :hugs:

[Cara Allen]

OMG, Kim! Those kind of people? Just who does she think she is!?:Angry3: Kim, you must get the notion out of your head that YOU hurt your wife. Nothing could be farther from the truth. A narrow-minded, judgmental, dimwit hurt your wife. You wife sound like a tremendous woman. But as Aluchi has said, what appears as tragedy often is what strengthens. The two of you draw on your shared passion for life. You have my number... call me if you want to talk.

Holly,

Just the perfect answer! Kim, you didn't do this. Spiteful people did. I know that it does not change what you feel. I know that if it was just you, it probably would not have hurt as much. Knowing that society is the problem does not make it easy, even if it is true.

I used to sell services for an armored car company. They employ off duty cops, and cop wanna-be's.

I went to a Be-All (convention in the MidWest) and while I was there, I had my wallet picked out of my purse in a bar. It ruined the weekend (NOTE: Never, ever carry your purse over your shoulder, tucked behind your arm. I see GG's do that now, and it makes me grit my teeth!) When I got back to work the following week, people asked me how my vacation was. Offhandedly, I said, "Oh, OK, but my wallet was stolen." Oh? where did you have it? "Oh they took it right out of my purse." The jig was up. I was outed at work. I wound up leaving, because the crap got kind of thick.

I look back now, and that was a really S***** place to work. I hated the place. If it were not for that slip of the tongue, I might still be there, and I have moved on to much greener pastures.

If those people are that spiteful, best to find out now. Purge them, and make your life better for it.

[Samantha43]

My gosh Kimberly, what a nightmare. It amazes me how some people can be so narrow minded and judgemental.

[TxKimberly]

Well everyone, I spoke to my wife some more about this tonight. She is honestly not upset, and trust me, if she was upset she WOULD let me know! lol
The funny thing is that she said much the same thing that many of you have said here "Screw 'em if they have a problem!" lol
As my only pain was thinking that I had hurt my wife (however indirectly) I'm OK now. If she's not hurt, then I'm not. I honestly couldn't care less what these people think or know as long as they don't hurt my wife because of it.
I thank you all for your genuine concern. If y'all are "That kind or people" then I'm OK with that and proud to be a part of it.
Hugs from Texas!

[Kelsy]

Wonderful Kim, You have a fantastic wife I thinks She's a keeper. I am Happy for both of you!!!!:happy:

:hugs:Kelsy

[Holly]

<Stands up, next to KimberleyTX>I'm proud to be one of, "those people."

[Niya W]

Well if you cant be your self , then find new friends

[jennifer41356]

it sux that if we want to be fem or explore that side of ourselves we are considered outcasts, but women can look like a guy and she is fashionable or just being comfortable...it is a sad world we like in with all this intolerance and hatred for being different, It would be an awful boring world if everyone was the same:mad:

hang in there in Kim:love:

[Michelle S]

Have you tried talking to you mother-in-law about this? Perhaps you and your wife could sit down with her and at least convince her to respect your privacy for the sake of her daughter and grandchildren. Good luck dear!

[docrobbysherry]

Kim, U and your wife r living proof of that saying. From your posts u seem to be a real "stand up guy", ( gal?). I know you'll come thru this on your feet.
Thanks for posting this thread. It must have been difficult for u.
I appreciate your warning to us all. Tomorrow, I'm going to buy new, bigger locks, for my closet
RS

[Mercedes]

Kimberly,

From One of Those People to another, I am very happy that you and your wife will get through this. Your both an insiration to our community.

Mercedes XOXOXO

P.S. now you can quote Shrek by saying "Better out than in."

[Megan_Girl]

Proud to be a member of the "One Those People Club" and the "Screw'em if they have a Problem Club"

Kudos to the both of you!! :love::love: You have been blessed with a fabulous partner and a strong marriage.

See you at the meetings!

XXX
Megan

[marny]

Tx Kimberely.... you are such a beautiful girl. Don't let them drag you down hon! some of the old biddies are smart ,but most if them just need a shove. Tell them to get out of the way. :devil:

[Monica Santos]

It's hard to believe that a mother would hurt her family in such a way buy making public knowlege of something private. I feel for your situation and wish you all the best. This Wicked Witch is just that...Wicked.
:hugs:
Monica

[Sally24]

I'm glad you're feeling better about all this Kim! I know that even though you're not the cause of the pain, that your wife being hurt is hard to handle. I guess the longer that you are "out" and about, the more chances of others learning about you. It's kind of the risk we all take when we leave the safety of our houses. I'm willing to take the risk, but not real fond of it. I fear losing my connections with the Boy Scouts or having a few low brows attack my home or property in the dead of night. Most of all I fear it affecting my family. It's one of those things in life that you have to deal with as best you can. It can SUCK, but as my Senior Chief always said "Life Sucks and then you die!".

Of course that could also apply to everything else that make me, me. I state my political beliefs in big 4' x 8' signs on my lawn in the election season (had a few disappear). I confront people in public when they're being "A" holes. And I stop to help strangers. All of these things can get you killed on a bad day. Do I stop them? No Way! I'd rather die young than to live my life according to my fears.

You are a lovely lady with class and talent and are sooo... much better than those "others". Your wife knows that even with the down side of our TG lives that she has a gift, and that gift is you. Special people are hard to find, you both are very lucky to have found each other.

Enjoy your holidays and have a great weekend!

Love,

[TxKimberly]

Have you tried talking to you mother-in-law about this? Perhaps you and your wife could sit down with her and at least convince her to respect your privacy for the sake of her daughter and grandchildren. Good luck dear!

It's hard to admit, but sometimes things are best left alone. If this conversation were to take place, I doubt my wife or I could keep our tempers, things WOULD escalate, and it would be ugly. We will just let the rattle snake . . err. . . the Mother in law thing go.


. . .I guess the longer that you are "out" and about, the more chances of others learning about you. It's kind of the risk we all take when we leave the safety of our houses. I'm willing to take the risk, but not real fond of it. . .
. . . Most of all I fear it affecting my family. It's one of those things in life that you have to deal with as best you can. I confront people in public when they're being "A" holes. And I stop to help strangers.

VERY well put Sally and exactly the way I feel about it. Among your other good traits, the things you mention here are why I consider you a friend, not just an acquaintance.

[Patty]

I am so sorry about your experence (it was a bad one) and you have have gotten a lot of good advice.
The good side is you and your wife have grown from the experence

:love:

[Kitty Sue]

Oh, Kimberly that is sad. You and your wife must have wonderful communication skills to be so honest with one another. I always enjoy reading what you are up to. You and your wife are so inspirational. I wish you and your family all the best. I believe you are in great company as far as being "one of those kinds of people" go.

[marie354]

<Stands up, next to KimberleyTX>I'm proud to be one of, "those people."

Yup! I'll stand up with you too and be counted among the proud and brave of 'those kind of people'.

[Zee]

Well everyone, I spoke to my wife some more about this tonight. She is honestly not upset, and trust me, if she was upset she WOULD let me know! lol
The funny thing is that she said much the same thing that many of you have said here "Screw 'em if they have a problem!" lol
As my only pain was thinking that I had hurt my wife (however indirectly) I'm OK now. If she's not hurt, then I'm not. I honestly couldn't care less what these people think or know as long as they don't hurt my wife because of it.
I thank you all for your genuine concern. If y'all are "That kind or people" then I'm OK with that and proud to be a part of it.
Hugs from Texas!

I feel the same way, I really do not care what people think of me as long as they leave my family out of it.

You are a wonderful person and so is your wife. Sweep that beautiful lass in your arms, dip her and kiss her deeply. Then thank her for being such a wonderful person and take her out for a night on the town. You both deserve it. (Flowers are a sure fire winner too).

I am so happy that you two are on the same page.

Z