Becoming fearless, I fear

[megan163]

I'm afraid that I'm getting too bold about my CDing. Last night I shopped en femme at a local Macy's including a visit to the Mac counter for an initial consultation. It was late but there were still people around and I ran the chance of being recognized.

Still, it was a rush. What disturbs me is the ease of which I am now going out. Last few times I went dressed very conservative but this time I wore a dress with knee-high boots. A look probably a few years too young for me but I said "what the hell, I like it." I even used the ladies room because I had a small "wardrobe malfunction" that needed attending and didn't panic like I used to when a GG walked in.

Today, my wife tells me "I think you went too far with your brows" pointing to my tweezing that I thought up till then was very subtle. I guess I'm a little scared about my emerging confidence. My fear is I may wind up in some embarrassing situation.

Has anybody else felt this kind of conflict? How do you deal with it? Part of me wants to say unapologetically this me, if you don't like it, get over it! And part of me wants to conform to society's norms. I love this forum. Don't know how I'd ever deal with these issues otherwise.
Hugz

[Kate Simmons]

Glad you had a good time Megan. How far is too far? That's one of those imponderables that the answer is different for everyone. Never know until you do it sometimes. :heehee:The point is to enjoy being yourself and be happy. There are enough sour balls in the world already. We can and do change that even if someone else sometimes gets a giggle from it.:happy:

[Joy Carter]

I have a deal with the SO. I go out as much as I like, as long as it's in another town.

[Phyliss]

I'm afraid that I'm getting too bold about my CDing. ....

What disturbs me is the ease of which I am now going out. ....
I guess I'm a little scared about my emerging confidence. My fear is I may wind up in some embarrassing situation. .....

Has anybody else felt this kind of conflict? .... I love this forum. Don't know how I'd ever deal with these issues otherwise.
Hugz

Been there done that , have the credit card receipts to prove it.
A small case of "pink fog" is happening honey. After the first few adventures and my confidence grew, I also became quite bold. Never found myself in any sort of embarrassing situation. Kinda woke up to the fact of what could happen if...
Since that thought became quite clear to me I've sorta "toned down" my actions, but that hasn't stopped me from having a good time.

[Nicole Erin]

I used to.
I would do my daily boring chores en femme. I think the stupidest/boldest thing I ever did was go to the mall en femme. On a Saturday night, when all the younger people were there. Wearing a really short mini skirt outfit, black hose, heels... I looked like a prostitute.

I heard a few comments about it. [wow, that is one huge chick!] and other snide little remarks, and plenty of laughter.

I don't know what gives exactly, but I have never been able to develop the confidence to go out [even conservatively dressed] and not feel *some* worry.

Look, if you can develop confidence, do so. But please don't be like me and chicken out just cause someone notices. It was not just that mall incident, but other times I even thought I was "read"

[Billijo49504]

It does get easier, doesn't it? Wait till you have no problem going out to the mall in the bright of day. Talk about a rush, or atleast the first time. Then it's just shopping. Today, I went to the supermarket, where I work giving out samples, fully dressed. My cloud walkers, velour jeans, hoody, with a pushup bra and my wig and makeup. We have to go in through the bakery, and one of the ladies asked if she could help me, I told her I was going to check my schedule. She looked as if she couldn't figure out who I really was. And that was OK with me....BJ

[KateW]

I worry at times about my increased confidence too. Instead of wearing wigs behind closed doors, my hair is now shoulder length and cut into a feminine "bob" style. In addition to my shaped eyebrows and earrings, I think my years of keeping it a complete secret are over. And whats more, I'm not sure that I care!

[noname]

I always ask myself this one question. Would a woman be afriad to do the male version of this? For example...

It's hot out and I'd like to wear a skirt
Q. Would a women hesitate to wear pants when it's cold out?
A. No she would not, nor should I hesitate to wear weather appropriate clothing.

I have a couple of huge zits, should I use some concealer?
Q: Would a women use concealer?
A: She wouldn't be obligated either way, I should feel free to use concealer.

I've always wanted longer hair, should I grow it out?
Q: Do women get short hair mens style hair cuts?
A: Yes, I should feel free to have the hair style of my choice.

The womens movement has changed their gender role to include all things previously considered masculine. I can't think of any area of society that is male exclusive. I don't worry much about gender lines.

As for the boots, wear them while you can. I've seen 50 year old women in 12 inch miniskirts with net nylons. Not often mind you, but I have seen it.

[RobertaFermina]

If it is you, dear, then you haven't gone too far for yourself.

If it likely to cause discomfort for my family, let them deal with it. Life is no guarentee of a comfy ride, and discomfort leads to growth.

If it is likely to cause harm for you or your family....well, there you are.

The screwy part is "what is the difference between discomfort and trouble." That is up to you and the agreements you have made and the way you and your family fit into your community.

It is probably a good idea to figure out now what "too far" really is, in your judgment, and your wife's. Then you have a chance to never look back on having "unconsciously" gone there.

It may be simple and boring advice and I'm really talking to myself...impulsive one that I am.

Enjoy your Times, Dear !


:rose: Roberta :rose:

[megan163]

...
It may be simple and boring advice and I'm really talking to myself...impulsive one that I am...
:rose: Roberta :rose:

Thanks Roberta for your wonderful insight! Simple perhaps, but never boring. I so value the comments and support I have received and learned from other posts. I'm happy to have gained the courage to not suppress my femme side and be totally in the closet anymore. And I also appreciate the need to find balance and discretion until all society accepts our free expression.
Hugz,
Megan

[JoAnnDallas]

Compared to my first public outing, I too have come a long ways. I remember the first few public outings, my heartrate racing, nervious, sweating a little. I just knew someone was going to clock me, but after the first 2-3 outings, I started to relax. No longer do I get all nervious and such. I now just walk into the store with my head high, chest out, and enjoy myself. So far I have not had anyone say anything negitive to me and I have to admit that it makes me so confindent. I have always been greated with "Mam" or "Dear" or "Sweetie". If anyone has clocked me they have not shown any sign of it.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Sounds like you have come to accept who you are sis. I did that about a year ago and I am having more fun and enjoying life more than I ever thought possible. There was a time when I couldn't wait to head out and buy gas and maybe spend 10 whole minutes in a store. Last Thursday night I went grocery shopping in WalMart for an hour and before it was over I was in the Ladies department browsing. Couldn't have been more comfortable if I was dressed in drab.

Of course I am not in the closet anymore...my EX saw to that. If YOU still are then understand with boldness also comes greater odds of you becoming "OUT" too.

Emily Ann

[Vivian Best]

I haven't gotten to that point but I would like to! I guess I'd have to say I'm a long way from it.

[Niya W]

Wait till you take public transit. But as long as you are safe and aware of your soundings you should be safe. But some times you do have to step back and say is this were I want to be.

[Fab Karen]

Unless you blatantly look like "Fred in a wig" ( if your name was Fred ), unlikely someone you know would recognize you. If you know people you can trust, try out showing them you in femme ( like a pic ) -they probably won't know it's you until you tell them.

[Tammygirl]

Ladies,
Going out in public has become a regular thing. I have gone everywhere dress on a crusie, palnes ( before 911), to Vegas and Washington DC. I have been dressed conseratively and dressed to the Nines. Malls, Resturants, Suppermarkets are standard things.
Oh yes I have been read! Had been pulled over by the polices. The polices where very nice and perfesional. Even though my license has my male name on it they still said mam!
It wasn't easy as I have read in some of the other comments but yes it got easier!
The more I got comforedable with my make up and dress I got more comforable with going out!
Now, like I said, I go everywhere dressed like real women do.
When I'm out dressed my head is held High I conduct and act as a lady should.
Because I am a woman and no one can tell me different!

Love Tammy

[Eugenie]

I have a deal with the SO. I go out as much as I like, as long as it's in another town.

Same for me, my So allows me to go out as long as it is not near our home town. But it is becoming almost like an obsession and my SO starts to think that I'me overdoing it...

I am also becoming ever more fearless... I want to come out to people I like (something that my SO finds quite bothersome...) But on my side, I have the feeling of not being honest with mùy friends if I don't tell them...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[tricia_uktv]

Megan, I lost my partner and nearly my children because, like you, I went too far at home - and was given license to do it away from home.

You'll be amazed how every little change in your appearance will be noticed by your wife - but not by people outside.

Now, I can live with losing my partner, but not my children - so sometimes there's a huge balancing act to make - they know what I am but don't wish to see me dressed or any form of femininity on me. So I bow to their judgement. They are bringing me up and they are fifteen year old twin girls.

It is important to me that I can show my feminine side but more important that I don't lose my girls so I keep to their rules, but underneath I can wear my feminine stuff.

So I suppose the answer to the question is - what is most important to you.

Message me if you wish, its very difficult

[alter_3]

Good question Megan. For me, I think the "rush" leads to poor decision making. I often regret the choices I make when going out, especially when they involve going out close to home. Sort of like a drug. When I'm in the moment, pushing the envelope, it is great! But looking back on it (or if something negative happens), I kick myself about jeopardizing my home life.

[Carly D.]

I think with age comes my feeling of "so what if they know.." only to have that feeling dashed when someone comes by unexpected and I'm rushing to get my clothes stashed away..

[UASIANGAL]

I am always happy to hear stories of success and adventures of this group. It's great to conquer your fears. Myself, I think my fears also saves me from stupidity as well. I am no lawyer but is it legal to enter a public washroom of the opposite sex there? I hate to think what would happen if someone did called the cops. It's great you enjoyed yourself but I do share your SO's concerns. If I'm single, I would not have to worry about how anyone else feel about CDing but if I am in a relationship, I would consider my SO's feelings on this.

Live your dreams, but do be careful....oh...and did you buy an iMAC? I just did!

love
Uasia

[Heather Dur]

Good post.

Have not ventured out completely dressed yet - too chicken for that - though during the past year find I am going out way more dressed than I use to. From neck down, dressed fem except for a good bulky winter coat. Believe my boots have gotten some looks, though don't care that much. Still, a little voice in the back of my mind does say "are you going too far?" Believe we can only be careful, not to get into bad situations, and let life go wherever it goes.

[joann07]

For me, its hard to believe I've been going out in public for only 9 months, starting February 2007.
I've done so many things (i.e. shop at the Malls, eat at local Resturants, shop at Supermarkets, run errands, drive to Atlanta, fly in femme, etc, etc.) in such a short period of time that it seems like years ago, but I know I wouldn't have done any of this if I didn't have the guts/confidence and be bold enough to do it.

After that first time out, I was so excited I couldn't wait to do it again. I was hungry for more and so the more I did it, the more confident I got, and the less nervous I was. Now, I'm going out whenever wherever at any opportunity.

At this time, last year, I never would've thought I could go out in public. Things that I'd dream of, such as flying in femme, I would tell myself that I could never do that and yet, this past October I few to Chicago for the first time ever. That was the highlight of the year for me. :)
I was so glad I did it because it really helped to elevate my confidence to a whole new level. If I can do that, I can do anything.

Not only was it a personal milestone, but I think I helped represent crossdressers by showing the public that we are good citizens and we are not what the media negatively portrays.
The more I go out, the more people will see and realize that CDers are great people.

Who knows what 2008 will be like, but I'm looking forward to bigger and better things.

Hugs!