Being a crossdresser can be frustrating

[Jennifer Giovannetta]

I have the urge to dress as a woman. And I am starting to get better at it. I have this urge since I was young, but has blossomed into a something bigger than just liking high heels.
Seems unfair to me that I have this need to dress up, but society frowns on it. We must still be careful in public due to people who wants to ridicule us, or harm us. I want to ask why it has to be this way, but who really knows why. All I know is that I am waiting for my wife to go to work tonight so I can become Jennifer. She knows I dress, but it is not that causal yet. Whats funny to me is that I like doing this more than most things!
The other day, I saw a woman in the supermarket with a cute blouse, jeans and these sexy black kitten heeled pumps. Not only was I attracted to her, but I wanted to wear what she was wearing! I think women are so lucky.
In a sense I feel lucky to get to this point in my dressing. Some men may not make it as far as I have because they are just too macho to accept how they really feel?
Thanks for listening girls. This forum has become an intergral part of becoming Jennifer.

[docrobbysherry]

Hopefully, the other members will come up with some answers.
As to your question, taking liberties with your exact words; " Why is our society the way it is"?
Our country is one of the, if not THE, most puritanical, judgemental places in the world. Considering our national advantages and education. My fear is that we have been going backward, toward the 19th century, rather than forward, in the last decade. I hope I'm wrong. (Maybe we'll find out in the next national election.) However, the same is happening in parts of the 3rd world, with the rising influence of the Muslim, and other, religions.
Maybe people world wide r just rebelling at all the technology that is sweeping over the earth. It is difficult to keep up with the increasingly rapid changes. For me anyway. Maybe many of us want simpler times and lives?
Just my 2 cents worth.
RS

[annieelmira]

Hopefully, the other members will come up with some answers.
As to your question, taking liberties with your exact words; " Why is our society the way it is"?
Our country is one of the, if not THE, most puritanical, judgemental places in the world. Considering our national advantages and education. My fear is that we have been going backward, toward the 19th century, rather than forward, in the last decade. I hope I'm wrong. (Maybe we'll find out in the next national election.) However, the same is happening in parts of the 3rd world, with the rising influence of the Muslim, and other, religions.
Maybe people world wide r just rebelling at all the technology that is sweeping over the earth. It is difficult to keep up with the increasingly rapid changes. For me anyway. Maybe many of us want simpler times and lives?
Just my 2 cents worth.
RS

I think you hit on something. Actually, if you look at history, liberalism and conservatism ride in waves. The Renaissance is a prime example, coming after such a dark and ugly point in our history. I think that you are very right in your assessment that people are looking for a simpler time, and although technology plays a big part in it I also feel that people think they are getting hit with too much too soon in regards to everything.. social changes, global economy, etc.

[tricia_uktv]

Blimey girls, its all a bit deep. Jennifer, if you want to dress then dress when you can and go out when you can. Then you can change attitudes. If you stick at home nothing will happen,

Good luck,

[annieelmira]

Blimey girls, its all a bit deep. Jennifer, if you want to dress then dress when you can and go out when you can. Then you can change attitudes. If you stick at home nothing will happen,

Good luck,

Well yeah.. that too! :GE:

[tricia_uktv]

Ha ha - thats what's good about being here - you get deep meaningful answers and some rubbish from me.

All can go into the pot though, and all are relevant

[lisa_e_love]

American society is an interesting thing. It seems like we make bold strides forward and then ask ourselves, "Wait, is that what we really want?" As a result, we are a lot less progressive than other industrialized democracies like those found in Europe.

The civil rights movement is a prime example. But huge strides towards treating people equally regardless of gender weren't made until relatively recently. It was only back in 1964 that the Civil Rights Act was passed and there was (and is) still a long way to go after that. But already in the 90s we had people asking, "Are we going too far? Is this reverse racism?" It seems like the nation gets scared and kind of turns around a little bit, or at least sticks its head in the sand.

The womens movement is another example. The 70s was a wonderful decade of progress for American women, riding on the tail end of the Civil Rights movement. But then in the 90s it seemed like America was pushing back in the opposite direction for a more conservative role for women.

So, even though it seems like equal legal recognition of CD/TG/TS/TV/Gay/Lesbian/Bi people may just be on the horizon, it's somewhat disheartening to see that America has this kind of start-stop attitude towards social liberation. The 20s was a decade of liberation for women, and even WWII did something to help increase the number of women in the workplace, but after the war was over women were expected to stay back in the home. Then the 60s. Then the 90s. It just seems like we kind of flip-flop back and forth while always vaguely moving forward.

Sorry for a tremendously boring post.

[Jennifer Giovannetta]

Love the exchanges. I was leaning toward the personal side of being a CD. For instance, I have a desire to dress, but fear being found out.

[docrobbysherry]

American society is an interesting thing. It seems like we make bold strides forward and then ask ourselves, "Wait, is that what we really want?" As a result, we are a lot less progressive than other industrialized democracies like those found in Europe.

The civil rights movement is a prime example. But huge strides towards treating people equally regardless of gender weren't made until relatively recently. It was only back in 1964 that the Civil Rights Act was passed and there was (and is) still a long way to go after that. But already in the 90s we had people asking, "Are we going too far? Is this reverse racism?" It seems like the nation gets scared and kind of turns around a little bit, or at least sticks its head in the sand.

The womens movement is another example. The 70s was a wonderful decade of progress for American women, riding on the tail end of the Civil Rights movement. But then in the 90s it seemed like America was pushing back in the opposite direction for a more conservative role for women.

So, even though it seems like equal legal recognition of CD/TG/TS/TV/Gay/Lesbian/Bi people may just be on the horizon, it's somewhat disheartening to see that America has this kind of start-stop attitude towards social liberation. The 20s was a decade of liberation for women, and even WWII did something to help increase the number of women in the workplace, but after the war was over women were expected to stay back in the home. Then the 60s. Then the 90s. It just seems like we kind of flip-flop back and forth while always vaguely moving forward.

Sorry for a tremendously boring post.

Jeez Lisa, don't appologise after posting such an insightful comment! U know, it's not fair that u turn out to be so bright, AND very cute?


Love the exchanges. I was leaning toward the personal side of being a CD. For instance, I have a desire to dress, but fear being found out.

Jenn, I think we dress for very many different reasons. Altho we ALL have the desire to. Even tho some, like me, don't understand why we have that desire. Also, I am SO far in my closet, I can't find the door! From your post,
I think u definitely belong on this site!
RS

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

American society is an interesting thing. It seems like we make bold strides forward and then ask ourselves, "Wait, is that what we really want?" As a result, we are a lot less progressive than other industrialized democracies like those found in Europe.

Sorry for a tremendously boring post.

Your post is nOT boring!

As an addendum to your 1st sentence, you'll notice that in regards to entertainment the US edits out the SEX while the Europeans edit out the VIOLENCE.
Sorta tells you how backwards this country can be ;)

[Nigella]

Blimey girls, its all a bit deep. Jennifer, if you want to dress then dress when you can and go out when you can. Then you can change attitudes. If you stick at home nothing will happen,

Good luck,

This is the only answer you really need. We all fear the unknown, but until we face it, it will never be the known.

Throughout history, oppressed individuals have risen against their oppressors and won the freedom to do as they please. Acceptance by "society" is our fight, only we can fight it.

[Jazzmine]

We all seem to relate to these sentiments of "Why can't I just go about my business dressed as I want, I'm not hurting or affecting anyone?"
As a closet CD I often feel like a kid who doesn't want to put the toys away just yet. Maybe we are still letting imaginary adults push us around!! Why do we let other adults spoil our fun???

On the liberalisation front, we CDs face a complex challenge. In many low tech cultures MTF/CDs had no problem being accepted because they were attributed special and sometimes mystical powers. Our bold new sophisticated culture (hahahaha) and it's heralded Science has dispelled most of the special powers attributed to these early CDs. So where to from here?

We do have a unique gift of actually wanting/yearning to understand the female condition. How many men can claim that?

And at least we help to keep the women's clothing shops tidy by clearing out all their "sale" items.
Then we store those items in little places nobody would ever think of! Very clever girls we are!

:hugs: Jazzmine

[Kate Simmons]

Yeah, it can be frustrating for sure. If we learn to manage the feelings though we begin to see much deeper things which are involved if we actually listen to ourselves. CDing is really only the tip of the iceberg and only the truely bold and daring will venture beyond the obvious.:happy:

[Emma England]

Seems unfair to me that I have this need to dress up, but society frowns on it. We must still be careful in public due to people who wants to ridicule us, or harm us.

You are part of society. So you frown on your own dressing? Your views are just as important as anyone elses.

Being careful depends on the area. Some places are too risky either as a man or woman.

I have yet to meet anyone who has wanted to ridicule or harm me.

[Jennifer Giovannetta]

Hi Emma. I definetly do not frown on my own dressing. I have come to accept this for a while now. Especially since it will never go away.

[Debutante]

"The other day, I saw a woman in the supermarket with a cute blouse, jeans and these sexy black kitten heeled pumps. Not only was I attracted to her, but I wanted to wear what she was wearing! I think women are so lucky."

I have felt this often. It's a strong combination. Then we'd like to relate to our SOs while dressed, for the thrill, the feelings, maybe even the sex!

[charlie]

I have the urge to dress as a woman. And I am starting to get better at it. I have this urge since I was young, but has blossomed into a something bigger than just liking high heels.
Seems unfair to me that I have this need to dress up, but society frowns on it. We must still be careful in public due to people who wants to ridicule us, or harm us. I want to ask why it has to be this way, but who really knows why. All I know is that I am waiting for my wife to go to work tonight so I can become Jennifer. She knows I dress, but it is not that causal yet. Whats funny to me is that I like doing this more than most things!
The other day, I saw a woman in the supermarket with a cute blouse, jeans and these sexy black kitten heeled pumps. Not only was I attracted to her, but I wanted to wear what she was wearing! I think women are so lucky.
In a sense I feel lucky to get to this point in my dressing. Some men may not make it as far as I have because they are just too macho to accept how they really feel?
Thanks for listening girls. This forum has become an intergral part of becoming Jennifer.

Yes, it is confusing and more then a little challenging. The American society as a whole has extended its acceptance to gays and lesbiens, but never to us. Being transgendered is just not part of the society or the gay pride scene. When I go dressed into a gay bar I am accepted by the GG's, the transgendered, and some males looking to pick up a TG, but the gay guys that are there sneer and look down on me the same as the general society. When I am introduced to a gay guy and reach out to shake hands, I feel the reluctance as well. Cross dressing is not an accepted societal norm. We are in our own boat. On top of that, if not passable I feel I go out in public at my own peril.

[Jamie14]

I sense your frustration and feel your pain. The double standards of today's society are unfair. Even though i get out in public ever couple of months, I want to it EVERYDAY!!! It's not possible with work/family constraints but it should be!!!

[Ruth]

CDing is really only the tip of the iceberg Great comment from Sal. I think the urge to do this thing is a sign of growth. We are trying to become more than what we are. So many obstacles, both within ourselves and in society around us, makes me think it could be a dangerous thing, but probably only dangerous to the status quo.
But don't feel frustrated Jennifer. It's not easy but the rewards are great.
Love,
Ruth

[Nicki B]

As to your question, taking liberties with your exact words; " Why is our society the way it is"?
Our country is one of the, if not THE, most puritanical, judgemental places in the world.

I think maybe you should try CD'ing in the Middle East, or parts of Africa..

Maybe some of the US is like that - but certainly not all of it? :strugglin

[Alex!]

In a strange way, I think lesbians have it made :)

But yes, crossdressing is a pain in the neck, but for different reasons than you mention. It's such a drag to go through two hours of transformation. Pardon the pun.

[paulap]

I just have to compliment you on you photo's on flicker! Awesome!

[Ashly]

Somehow I hate CDing, because no matter what I would do I know I wouldn't like it...so would others.

[Michelle 51]

Jennifer i,m going to stay on the simple side of your post dear.Very often i,l see a women dressed in something and wish i was wearing it.Also i,ll be out and see a sexy women dressed in something i love skirt, dress etc and all of a sudden i feel like dressing when 2 min before that i was planning something totaly different

[Carly D.]

Jennifer, cross dressing is a double edged sward... actually it is possibly triple and in my case a schitsofrenic edged sward (I know there isn't such a word, this isn't scrabble).. I wish it were as easy to explain every aspect of cross dressing but for me it just confuses me.. I love to dress as Carly, but don't think I would like to be known (outed) as Carly, but rather just my male name but I would rather be known as Carly to everyone here and all the other sites that I might join (eventually).. I'd like to be fully dressed but would like to dress a bit half and half and sometimes just wear pantyhose and heels and jeans or a skirt and not be stared at as a freak... take a breath here... have I gone off the tracks yet?? (derailed)... being Carly, or wanting to dress the way I want to dress.. I think I wouldn't be accepted by my family.. or maybe I would be.. sometimes I think it would be easier if everyone just knew.. and then reality snaps in and.. confusing??? no, not at all...

[docrobbysherry]

Jennifer, cross dressing is a double edged sward... actually it is possibly triple and in my case a schitsofrenic edged sward (I know there isn't such a word, this isn't scrabble).. I wish it were as easy to explain every aspect of cross dressing but for me it just confuses me.. I love to dress as Carly, but don't think I would like to be known (outed) as Carly, but rather just my male name but I would rather be known as Carly to everyone here and all the other sites that I might join (eventually).. I'd like to be fully dressed but would like to dress a bit half and half and sometimes just wear pantyhose and heels and jeans or a skirt and not be stared at as a freak... take a breath here... have I gone off the tracks yet?? (derailed)... being Carly, or wanting to dress the way I want to dress.. I think I wouldn't be accepted by my family.. or maybe I would be.. sometimes I think it would be easier if everyone just knew.. and then reality snaps in and.. confusing??? no, not at all...

I related COMPLETELY to everthing u said. I expect most of the folks here do too. I just wish I had some answers for u, us!
RS

[Littlej10]

This thread has certainly raised the intellectual level of the forum, the responses have shown how deeply some of you have been into your psych. on the personal level and it is interesting for me (in U.K.) to see how the social/legal situation operates in America. There will always be the "...phobes", I guess we all know a few, but the speed with which equal opportunities has been thrust upon society has caused a backlash which is adding to the repressive elements in our society. Personally I would love to dress and be dammed but I don't like pain and I am very concerned for some of the people I love so very very careful in going open. Dressing makes me a more complete personality and increases understanding of others which I fear many "normal" people lack.

[jennifer41356]

Things are changing but it is a slow change and something we may not see in our lifetime......I have two female friends who I met at work and who know my female side as well as the male side..both are in relationships with guys and they also have seen both sides of me...when i am a girl they call me Jennifer and treat me like any other female. One guy is from a small town but his folks were involved with student exchanges and he got to experience other cultures which probably makes him more accepting

my point is they younger generations are becoming more acceptable for the most part, we still have a long way to go, but as people learn more and get to know us , things change..

for me, i love the way i am , I enjoy it and embrace it , it makes me unique...i wouldnt trade it for anything...I go out as a woman and be positive about myself and act like a lady

so have fun with it, accept it as who you are and have fun exploring your new found female self

:love:

[Ashly]

..... or wanting to dress the way I want to dress.. I think I wouldn't be accepted by my family.. or maybe I would be.. sometimes I think it would be easier if everyone just knew.. and then reality snaps in and.. confusing??? no, not at all...

Went through this years ago..eventually my daughters found out that dad in a skirt isn't sooo scary...
It is all about compromises, I guess. I still look like dad..just in a skirt..more would be too much

[Hali]

Well its not easy beign a CD...yes..and yes...because its kind of frustrating and confusing...

Sometimes when am dresed-up i look ma self in the mirror and laugh (serious laughter almost hilarious) at maself for dressing-up and kept on wondering 'who'll ever believe in this world that i can be a CD or wear female attire and have naughty thots' .........

then wen am in drab (and not in the mood of CDing) and remember Cding i get so angry...so angry...with maself..askin maself why do i allow ma mind to trick me into dressing...that i'll never do it again...then much later..may be in about 10minutes i'll come back to femme mode...then i'll wish i have that new lilac skirt i saw on TV....what a swing!

When i remember am a Cd i become happy and laugh about it some times .....but most of the time i get angry...frustrated.....enraged.....but am beginnig to have total control and a "balancing act" over CDing.....thanks to this forum and other Cd forums on the net for helping me-out in sorting ma CD "dilenma".

Yeah on religious aspect i was askin "why would god created me a CD" and the same god will condem me to hell for beign a CD... this kept me wondering whether god has a hand in all this heaven and hell issue .....

OOOOPS sorry for taking your time...bye.

[shirley1]

men are bought up to surpress their female side from an early age girls are not bought up to surpress their male side - tomboys are cool - sissy boys no way - therefore by the time we reach adulthood most men have this thing called masculinity installed in them whether they like it or not ! ego hangups - cds want to dress to go out just like woman do but we are scared of being intimidated by people because if we were we cant use our male side to fight back not if your wearing a dress - i think the problem maybe that male traits in a girl/woman are seen as a possitive thing assertive strong ect but female traits vunrabilty emotional sensitive are seen as a negative in men - going back to the thread yeh it is frustrating but we're in a minority people need to come out more for anything to change in society like gays did woman fighting to have the same rights as men - i live in england you never or very rarely see anything on television relating to us - soap operas in this country have loads of story lines on coming out about being gay but nothing on transvestism - i'm going to stick my neck out now and say maybe its because homosexuality isnt seen as a threat to the norm if you want to call it that in society but but maybe transgenderism is - if it was seen as mainstream for men to wear womans clothing in everyday life then that would surely change everything the way we bring our kids boys and girls - and maybe some people just think there has to be a dividing line between the sexes - i think some guys are scared stiff they could be attracted to another guy if he looked good dressed they might do - i should have used this as a seperate thread but still

[Carly D.]

.. The most frustrating part of crossdressing for me now is that looking really good (passing) is getting harder to do.. passing is so out of my grasp right now... I never looked as good as the vast majority on this site.. yes I've looked at the pictures here and there are a good lot here that don't just look fem, they can pass for fem very easily.. others, like me, I think wear for the feeling of the clothing... I love the way pantyhose feels and always have.. and that may never change..

[Trinni]

Look at the bright side, you might not be able to dress in public but when you are out in public, it sure is a whole lot easier when you have to take a leak.

[Ashly]

..... if it was seen as mainstream for men to wear womans clothing in everyday life ....

Ok, the thing is that many Transvestites/Crossdressers just look plain ridiculously in public..too much makeup. .very short skirts..un-shaved legs..high heels..you name it.
If I cannot pass in public as female, then I wont pass in public as female !!! ..and nobody has a good laugh..or thinks CD's are just weird people.

Why not trying some baby-steps 1st ? Wear a skirt..shave your legs..wear nude hose..Try a solid colored blouse or dress...Wear flats....
Give the people around a chance to adapt to a lifestyle..let them breath..:2c: