Read In a Store

[marykrissmithcd]

I went shopping to a Target and thought I was looking pretty good but realize I don't pass when a black guy walked past me and started shouting out loud " hey the woman in the red sweater is a man". I tried to be cool and ignore him but felt the need to exit the store so I took my time acting like I was looking at items and quickly exited the store. I am 54 and shouldn't let things like that bother me but they still do. Now I know for sure I don't pass. Disappointing. :sad:

[Carissa T]

Uhhhh.... I really feel for you as almost the same thing happened to me a few days ago. I had a great morning of shopping and was feeling absolutely fabulous untill I exited an elevator and came face to face with two teenage boys. They were perhaps a little drunk (legal for them here) and one started laughing at me really loudly. Talk about feeling gutted. :(

You cant let the actions of a few get you. I told myself on the ride home that most people I ran into that day believed I was a woman and that no matter what those little punks did I was not going to let it ruin my day :happy:

Besides, I just bought a cute outfit... why be sad!

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Mary

So you got read, but didn't the sun still come up the next day? Getting read is something you just have to accept and move on from, it's either that or hide, and where's the fun in that?

Karen Starlene

[lisa_e_love]

One guy in a line once picked me out, turned to his buddy and very loudly said, "Is that a dude? Yeah that's a dude! And started cracking up."

Not only is it impolite and rude, it shows their deep discomfort with their own gender identity. They feel a need to reinforce their own stereotypical male image by looking down and humiliating people who don't live up to it.

If somebody behind that guy had started loudly yelling, "The guy in front of me looks like a moron" that would have been cause for a fist to the face. But somehow, this guy feels like it's OK to insult me just because I'm wearing a dress.

There are real idiots in the world. But they're, thankfully, not in the majority. Keep dressing and stay strong! Don't let the foul prejudices of one sad person ruin your fun.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

One guy in a line once picked me out, turned to his buddy and very loudly said, "Is that a dude? Yeah that's a dude! And started cracking up."

Not only is it impolite and rude, it shows their deep discomfort with their own gender identity. They feel a need to reinforce their own stereotypical male image by looking down and humiliating people who don't live up to it.

If somebody behind that guy had started loudly yelling, "The guy in front of me looks like a moron" that would have been cause for a fist to the face. But somehow, this guy feels like it's OK to insult me just because I'm wearing a dress.

There are real idiots in the world. But they're, thankfully, not in the majority. Keep dressing and stay strong! Don't let the foul prejudices of one sad person ruin your fun.


Yes, beautifully said :) Especially the last line

[Suzy Harrison]

I guess it's one thing being stared at - but quite something else when others start to raise their voices and bring all of the attention to you. These people actually run quite a risk, because occasionally they may be wrong - and start to laugh at someone who really is a woman !

I don't think any of us will ever pass 100% of the time.

[Raychel]

Some people just have no class at all.

That is probably the same ignorant @ss that yells at a pretty girl walking down the street.

[Ms_Judys_pet]

If somebody behind that guy had started loudly yelling, "The guy in front of me looks like a moron" that would have been cause for a fist to the face. But somehow, this guy feels like it's OK to insult me just because I'm wearing a dress.


i know one woman who actually did do something like that...
She was in transition. She was having an evening in a bar she often went to. In her male life, she had been a Marine (USMC). Even surgery can't change that... She managed to shift her voice most of the way back, shift some of the body language and promptly told the person she had been in the Marines. Then asked him if he wanted to f:censor: with a Marine in a dress... The guy left the bar, lol. The girl stayed the night.

More seriously though:
i've been doing a lot more looking at people in general lately. i'm trying to absorb some of the local trait/mannerism/behavior/speech differences. It's interesting the shear number of women around here who could find themselves being miss identified is quite interesting. i never knew how many women shave until recently. In looking, there are a number of women around here who should shave... i'd make the same recommendation to any boy with the same not quite there mustache and peach fuzz. Broad shoulders and more height than i would have expected also seem common.

Guys and boys like that will eventually find themselves knocked flat on their buts by a woman who has had one too many insults. Meanwhile, we have to remember, the main reason we focus on eliminating so many clues is to avoid the sum of all the little ones. While we're at it, can i get a new face, i've never liked mine...
susie

[Joy Carter]

I would have said, "What are you going to tell everyone, you got a beating from a guy in a frock ?" :devil:

[Kahlan51]

One guy in a line once picked me out, turned to his buddy and very loudly said, "Is that a dude? Yeah that's a dude! And started cracking up."

Not only is it impolite and rude, it shows their deep discomfort with their own gender identity. They feel a need to reinforce their own stereotypical male image by looking down and humiliating people who don't live up to it.

If somebody behind that guy had started loudly yelling, "The guy in front of me looks like a moron" that would have been cause for a fist to the face. But somehow, this guy feels like it's OK to insult me just because I'm wearing a dress.

There are real idiots in the world. But they're, thankfully, not in the majority. Keep dressing and stay strong! Don't let the foul prejudices of one sad person ruin your fun.
Hi: I was in a mall with another Cd and a young guy looked us an said " And your friend too " while making the motions of shooting us with a rifle. I just ignored it at the time and rationalized as idiots are all over and it was a very isolated incident as I go out often and except for a few stares I don't have any problem. That incident felt a bit scarey. I realize as well when I am out enfemme I am more sensitive and by and large that is a good thing. Love Kahlan

[MsJanessa]

darling don't worry too much about it. Very Very few of Us pass 100% of the time and those who think they do are usually fooling themselves----I only know two TG's who pass all the time---one is a post op TS who has every thing down right--including the voice--but then she has had 30 years of practice. The other is a pre op TS who has had lots of estrogen. I do know a number who might pass at a glance but on close inspection they are given away--voice, height etc. One of the absolute most attractive T-Girls I know, pre op ts with years of estrogen, breast enhancement etc---sometimes is read---primarily due to her height--around 6'--but I would give My eye teeth to look like she does----btw she has real attitude and I'm sure would have put that guy in his place. Anyway don't let it bother you too much---think of all the times you have gone out and nobody pointed at you or said anything ---I'm sure you passed then.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

The guy was a complete jerk. Very childish on his part. This guy probably has gender issues of his own. He was probably wishing he could dress up and look and look as good as you did and his way of getting over these issues is to put down someone who is comfortable with themselves.

[Wenda]

Scuks to be him. Imagine going through life as an asshole, wondering why people are always offended by you.

[flatlander_48]

Scuks to be him. Imagine going through life as an asshole, wondering why people are always offended by you.

Of course that would assume that he had some semblance of a clue...

[tricia_uktv]

And you will be read from time to time however good you look. But hang on, your not a woman so whats the big deal about passing.

Blow him a kiss, he'll run a mile.

And while we are allowed to swan around in frocks, why should'nt other people be able to make comments about us?

Its more fun if they do.

Don't let it get you down hon and its actually far easier if you accept that you likely won't pass. It doesn't mean you don't try your hardest to do so though,

hugs

[Emma England]

OMG!! What an a**hole! He was a jerk!

Who is the more stupid - you for wanting to look good, or the guy with the foul mouth? No doubt in my view.

I know it is hard, but if you have enough pride, you will admit that yes you are a man in a dress. There is no answer to this one!

[marykrissmithcd]

Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement. I don't go out much but the few time I have I haven't had a problem so the first time having something like this happen was a bit unsettling. I thought the best was for me to leave before an incident occured. Hell, I looked better than 50% of the women in the store that night, especially the guys wife or gf with him. After all who could argue with a red sweater, black skirt and black pantyhose while shopping on a Sat night.

[Nicole Erin]

After all who could argue with a red sweater, black skirt and black pantyhose while shopping on a Sat night.

Honey I imagine those black pantyhosed legs looked good. :D

And I cannot believe you all missed this point -
When some needle dick makes a loud comment about us, they are drawing attention to their own moronic-ness, not to the fact that there is a guy in a dress.

I think if I were out in drab and someone outed a CD loudly, I would be quiet, sneak up behind him, tap him on the shoulder, and THEN the fist to the face as he turned to see who it was. :mad: I F'ing hate S.O.B's that treat us like that.

[Michelia]

And in spite of all this great advice above - and a supporting SO that would go with me anywhere, I stay in the closet. It is the fear of things like this happening that keep me in. I know, shame on me.

Michelia

[Zee]

i know one woman who actually did do something like that...
She was in transition. She was having an evening in a bar she often went to. In her male life, she had been a Marine (USMC). Even surgery can't change that... She managed to shift her voice most of the way back, shift some of the body language and promptly told the person she had been in the Marines. Then asked him if he wanted to f:censor: with a Marine in a dress... The guy left the bar, lol. The girl stayed the night.


:bigsmack:

:heehee:

Thats awesome!!!

[Valeria]

darling don't worry too much about it. Very Very few of Us pass 100% of the time and those who think they do are usually fooling themselves----I only know two TG's who pass all the time---one is a post op TS who has every thing down right--including the voice--but then she has had 30 years of practice. The other is a pre op TS who has had lots of estrogen.
That's because when you meet a trans woman that passes all the time, you don't even know you've met one. TS women who get gendered as female 100% of the time are more common than you think, and most of us that are fully assimilated into life as a woman don't go to 3D trans support groups. Lots of us have voices that are consistently read as female (although regretably, lots of us don't).

In any case, comparing crossdressers with trans women who have had hormone therapy (some of them since they were teenagers, or even earlier), usually electrolysis or laser hair removal, sometimes FFS, and sometimes voice therapy seems unrealistic to me. The only people I've ever encountered who were assigned male at birth but could get gendered as female 100% of the time without HRT, permanent hair removal, or surgery were intersexed.

[Jan W]

MsJanessa,

My take on all this is one that I have put much thought into.

My decision, as difficult as it was, after many expeditions, was not to venture into mainstream venues dressed as a lady.

There are people out there who cannot for a number of different reasons handle our being ourselves so I decided not to put myself in a potentionally dangerous situation and stick to alternative venues of which thankfully there are many in Melbourne (Aus).

I realise that we should be able to go where we like when we like but the reality is it is risky.

I hope that this all changes for the better shortly but until then I will play it safe.

As for ex marines and ex prize fighters and ex anything else half a dozen teenagers will tear them to bits - sorry.

I do however respect your decision to do what you want.

Stay safe,


Jan

[noname]

Those people aren't worth your time. Just let them make a fool of themselves. It shows no class, it really does. Being a jerk to others is never form.

[livy_m_b]

You did great! There are basically two things that can happen when you're out en femme: people accept you as a woman, and you run into jerks. Being accepted is a high, and running into jerks proves you can handle it! Congratulations, you passed!

[robynwi]

What an a$$, just another big headed guy trying to bring attention to himself.

Hope that he discourages you from going out again.

*Hugs*
Robyn

[Dita_B]

The problem with being outed in public in such an obvious way, is that we tend to act as if we are caught with our hands in the proverbial cookie jar...

The aggressor counts on the fact that you are going to be embarrassed. So don't be. Depending on the situation, I ignore them, or I give them "the look". Show your strength, by not showing any impact of the insult. The public around you probably can't care less anyway and the agressor only get's his satisfaction out of your reaction, as the rest of the public will probably have no interest into getting involved.

So if you show your strength by showing an attitude and are comfortable enough to come back with something like: "I am more man than you'll ever be, and more woman than you'll ever have", enough is said. For the public around you, you have admitted to be a crossdresser, so that issue is out of the way as everybody appreciates honesty. And to the aggressor you have shown not only your strength but also rock solid attitude, that says: "Yes I am a guy in a dress and so what?"

And with that the whole thing blows right back into his face, as his moronic attitude is now for everyone clearly visible...

End of story, and the winner is... You.

:love:Dita.

BTW: I was the other CD Kahlan talked about in her post above. It made a bigger impact on her than on me, as I felt that ignoring the guy at the time would be the best thing to do as we were walking past him sitting on a bench in the middle of the Mall anyway...That incident didn't touch me at all...

[Julogden]

Hi: I was in a mall with another Cd and a young guy looked us an said " And your friend too " while making the motions of shooting us with a rifle. I just ignored it at the time and rationalized as idiots are all over and it was a very isolated incident as I go out often and except for a few stares I don't have any problem. That incident felt a bit scarey. I realize as well when I am out enfemme I am more sensitive and by and large that is a good thing. Love Kahlan
In some countries, he could be charged with assault for that. Of course, going to the police over the incident might cause even more trouble for you.

Carol

[Emily Ann Brown]

Two things come to mind at a time like this:

A) We are doing nothing wrong, so ignore the arse. The bozo has no
class or proper upbringing. He more than likely laughs at "ugly "
people and the handicapped. Show that we are the "civilized"
ones.

B) GGs have a rough road to travel. We get the snickers and jeers,
they get the horndog sexual comments because they ARE women
and look good.

Emily Ann

[JoAnnDallas]

I have only run into something like this once. When I went to HEF2006, a couple of us went to the hotel bar to get some beer. One of the guys in the bar saw us and loudly started complaing about queers taking over the hotel. The bar person (female) went over to him and told him either Apologize to us or get out. He was not about to Apologize to us so he left in a huff. She then took our orders and told us the beers were on the house and to have a good day. All in a voice so that everyone could hear her. We left and had a great giggle about it.

[Di]

Two things come to mind at a time like this:

A) We are doing nothing wrong, so ignore the arse. The bozo has no
class or proper upbringing. He more than likely laughs at "ugly "
people and the handicapped. Show that we are the "civilized"
ones.

B) GGs have a rough road to travel. We get the snickers and jeers,
they get the horndog sexual comments because they ARE women
and look good.

Emily Ann

:iagree:

[goofus]

One guy in a line once picked me out, turned to his buddy and very loudly said, "Is that a dude? Yeah that's a dude! And started cracking up."

Not only is it impolite and rude, it shows their deep discomfort with their own gender identity. They feel a need to reinforce their own stereotypical male image by looking down and humiliating people who don't live up to it.

If somebody behind that guy had started loudly yelling, "The guy in front of me looks like a moron" that would have been cause for a fist to the face. But somehow, this guy feels like it's OK to insult me just because I'm wearing a dress.

There are real idiots in the world. But they're, thankfully, not in the majority. Keep dressing and stay strong! Don't let the foul prejudices of one sad person ruin your fun.

It's 'cause of stories like that that I don't go out into the 'straight' world dressed up.

[goofus]

Hi: I was in a mall with another Cd and a young guy looked us an said " And your friend too " while making the motions of shooting us with a rifle. I just ignored it at the time and rationalized as idiots are all over and it was a very isolated incident as I go out often and except for a few stares I don't have any problem. That incident felt a bit scarey. I realize as well when I am out enfemme I am more sensitive and by and large that is a good thing. Love Kahlan

What an idiot...I think if he had done that to me my first instinct would have been to walk over and deck the guy :Punch: or at least read him the riot act, :mad: since he was dumb enough to insult me *and* my friend...I would have been more confident since it was 2 against 1 ... after all, there's strength in numbers... :hugs:

[Phoebe Reece]

I wonder what the guy would have done if you had looked around in a panic at the guy and said, "Oh no! Where is he?"

[goofus]

I have only run into something like this once. When I went to HEF2006, a couple of us went to the hotel bar to get some beer. One of the guys in the bar saw us and loudly started complaing about queers taking over the hotel. The bar person (female) went over to him and told him either Apologize to us or get out. He was not about to Apologize to us so he left in a huff. She then took our orders and told us the beers were on the house and to have a good day. All in a voice so that everyone could hear her. We left and had a great giggle about it.

Wow, hope you gave that bartender a very large tip!!

[DAVIDA]

I have not been out without Jean. Idiots like that have more to fear of the wrath of Jean than anything that I could come up with!

[Emma England]

People who say that hearing these stories makes you not want to go out. Doing this, the a$$holes win and you lose.

The way to win the battle is to go out enfemme if that is your desire.
If more did this, society would learn to be more accepting.

It is never easy, especially with a fear of getting verbally abused. One has to develop a could-not-care attitude.

I am sick of OTHERS telling ME how I AM supposed to look.

If you don't like my appearance, then that is YOUR PROBLEM not mine, as I am comfortable with myself.

[JoAnnDallas]

The thought just came to me, she should have walked up the the guy and asked for his name. If he asked why, tell him your going to sue him for sexual Harassment and slander. I bet he would have shut his mouth quickly.

[jennifer41356]

you did right by ignoring him and moving on...he probably wishes he could look as good as you and his jealousy of you bravado made him act like the idiot he apparently is

you go girl....dont let it get in your way of being the woman you are, get right back out there:hugs:


ps I once went to a straight club with a female friend. It was in my early years of being a girl and I had a so-so wig and I had to use the beard concealer, after a few hours at the club some folks sat down next to us and one of the guys started up with me..he said ..are you a girl or a guy...I said what do you think and he kept on..A woman sitting near us just ripped into him and told him if he had a problem with anything, take it up with her and of course he backed down and his friend kind of told him to let it go....it hurt a bit but I told myself i will not let anyone dictate to me what i can wear....I try to avoid some staight bars, but I have been yo severla since and never had any problems..in fact I have some fun experiences with GG's at clubs, but those are other tales

[Alicia_lynn419]

On a related note.. Last Sunday afternoon (after a late night with a lady friend), I went to the local mexican restaurant for some food and a hangover cure. As I sat ther trying to enjoy my lunch, there were 2 "frat" boys - probably in their late 20's, drunken and carrying on. not only did I hear them make insulting remarks (repeatedly) about women, I heard them questions some guys sexual preference (obviously he did not live up the their, macho, I'm-God's-gift-to-women-mentality), I heard them poke fun at another of their "friends" who supposedly has pictures floating around of him in a dress. It only got worse from there when one of these "gentleman" was heard mocking someone in a wheel chair.

Several thoughts passed through my mind as I raced to finish my lunch before my stomach rejected it from their conversation. Most of which I won't share here... but suffice to say, these 2 Bozos made me GLAD I was never that type of "macho guy". I had the same thoughts as other posters here, that they seemed to be quite insecure with their own sexuality, and that they probably don't get laid as much as they brag that they do (I still have enough faith in quality GGs that most girls wouldn't give these jerks the time of day). However indignant I felt about their comments about people like us (and I was in guy mode), what really turned my stomach was their mocking the handicapped. What sad, sick people these are.

One final note... As I was leaving the establishment, I noticed they were behind me in traffic. They nearly rear-ended me at a stop light.

I was tempted to say something at the restaurant, but I kept my mouth shut. You will run into the sad people no matter what. True dignity comes from how we handle ourselves in these types of situations. As my parents always told me growing up, "Be better than them..."

Never forget what courage it takes to be yourself in the overwhelming face of heard mentality.

[Priscilla Ann]

I am trying to figure out if that guy got his jollies by yelling out that you were a guy. If so, he must be easily amused.