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CrossdressinGoth
12-02-2007, 04:22 AM
I’ve been trying to write a letter to leave with my crossdressing attire so in the event my parents find it, it will have a bit of an explanation. Here is a little back history of the situation I am in.

1. I’m 22 years old and life events have led me to move in back with my parents for a temporary period.
2. My parents don’t approve of gays, bi’s, or anyone in the community we are apart of.
3. My parents are very much racist, born and raised that way and I refused to go along (showing how “bad” they get about things. Example later.
4. Family is very old timing living style “men go out to work, woman stay home, cook, clean, etc…


I crossed into the lifestyle of crossdressing at the age of 12. My school years were very hard on me. I was on the lower end of the popularity chain, got made fun of all the time, got fought with a lot, etc. I reached a point in my life I needed something that would take my mind off of things. I’m not sure what exactly inspired me to but I got the idea of trying on woman’s clothing. Now at a younger age I have had my share of “girly moments”. I used to wear my cousin’s high heels when they would get ready for dances and she came over to our house and took my sister. Everyone laughed a bit. This was around the age of 10.

My mother and my sister are “tom boys” and don’t do the heels, makeup, dresses thing. Jeans and a t-shirt is their basic wardrobe. At the age of 12 I remember one day going to my moms room and I took a pair of pantyhose she bought, never worn, and started to wear them. Later came things like skirts and a pair of heels she had that she’s never worn in ages. It felt great and I continued doing it more and more. I started wearing pantyhose to school under my clothes and stuff and this is where things really kicked off for me. One day when I went to school, my mom came into my room to clean it because they threatened me if I didn’t, they would. Well I had a few “hiding spots” for my stuff and when I came home, ALL of it was gone. Spots I never thought would have been gone through were. I didn’t say a word to my mom and nothing was ever said to me. About 2 weeks later I went to my moms room again to get another pair of pantyhose and there, her stuff was wrapped in a plastic bag with a note saying “Bruce, these are mine, do not wear these. I also want you to return my shoes I couldn’t find”. Ok so I was caught, but my mom never said a word to me to this day about this. I don’t know if she is accepting knowing I dressed and refused to tell me to “deny” the idea, basically the whole “if I don’t acknowledge you about it I’ll refuse to believe its true” thing. She is very very very religious and this is a start of complications I’m having.

Now at the age of 22. I have had to move back in with my parents to start my life over thanks to my ex fiancé cheating on me and moving in with another man. I was not able to swing bills on my own so I opted to move back with my parents, get a new job, and start over again because I left all my friends and family in this part of Wisconsin, and moved to a new part to be with the girl I was going to marry. Moving back was kind of nice but my big problem I’m having is my crossdressing. Nobody in my family knows, except the situation I explained before, I don’t know if my mom knows, or if she is refusing to think I do that. Either way my family is extremely closed minded about anything.

My family hates anyone that is gay, bi, bi-curious, trans, anything that is out of the being straight heterosexual spectrum of life. They are also very very racist. I know you read that and see it as nothing to do with crossdressing, but it’s a point I want to stress that they are extremely closed minded and have a huge narrow vision on life. It’s all their choice and I respect them for that, but it’s a path I for one didn’t feel was right to follow. A very good friend from high school came out of the closet that he was gay, my parents flat out told me he is never allowed over here, they don’t want “his kind” near them. My half sister was married to a Mexican-American. My parents approved of that only because we did not know of her being my dads daughter until she was 25. My parents figured it was ok that she was married to him because “she didn’t know any better because they weren’t there to raise her right”. Well, they got divorced and she started dating another man and has now married him. He is a African-American and my parents told her straight off, “don’t ever bring him around here, you know our way of life, either you abide by our rules or don’t associate with us.” Sadly to say they disowned her because she fell in love with a man, but in their eyes she fell in love with a non white man and that is not acceptable.

Well to shorten this up a bit, I’ll now cut to the chase and bring up my problem. I’m not 100% sure if my family knows about my crossdressing. I’ve often flirted with telling them flat out. Since moving back in I’ve found it much harder to “hide” my stuff. My old bedroom is now the computer room. I have no dresser really, I have no closet space. All I have are mainly totes and boxes to have my things in. The problem I’m having is I cannot hide my things very well given the limited space, and possible limited privacy. My items, which I have a lot of, and I keep adding more even though I live here, are in totes and boxes just laying in the open in my room because I have no where else to go with them. I dress often enough that I don’t want to have them stored anywhere else.

I want to write a note to have with my “Britney” clothing and have it explain a bit about my stuff. Why I have it, how long I have done this, etc… I’m stuck. I don’t know if I should make the letter, and if I do make the letters to leave in these areas, I don’t know what to say. I cant find where I should begin or how in depth I should go with this. Do I leave it vague and hope they ask questions? Do I go full detail and then have the possibility of them bypassing the letter and just focusing on Britney’s clothing? I don’t want to come out to them but if they do find out they do. I don’t want to force the issue because I know for a fact they will have nothing to do with me anymore, and as much as I hate that, I love them because they are all my family. I don’t care how much I disagree with their views or choices they made, I love them. What do you girls think I should do. I’m 22 years old now, I have dressed for 10 years and I’ve been making more and more public appearances dressing up. I buy all girls clothes now, have not bought mans clothes for a few months. I look in the mirror and I’m actually seeing a female presence. I don’t take anything and even without makeup, I see a strong resemblance of a woman in the mirror.

Opinions, thoughts, and ideas are greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time ladies and I look forward to hearing your responses. Thank you for taking the time to read this long post.

Bruce aka Britney

Sally24
12-02-2007, 07:57 AM
Well, the privacy problem is pretty simple to me. Get a foot locker and lock it up! That may be a little too tempting for your family though (they don't seem to encourage privacy). I would get a second hand piece of luggage that still has the keys or combination and put Britney's things in there.

On your family though I'd have to say that love and respect are two different things. If they can't see that being bigots is simply wrong than I wouldn't trust them to be fair to you in any way. Walk carefully and be ready to hit the road at a moments notice!

Tasha T
12-02-2007, 08:53 AM
I have no closet space.

You literally...and figuratively...don't have any closet space do you? I've been in a situation something like this before so I feel for you. My number one piece of advice to you would be to get out of your parents house as soon as possible. You are an adult. You need to live your own life and it's hard to do when you are back under your parents roof. Try and come up with some kind of plan where you can get out of there sooner rather than later. Weeks turn into months and months turn into years and before you know it you are stuck.

In the meantime, I wouldn't write a note or anything. Even if they find it they're not going to understand. Instead I would rent a small storage space and store the bulk of it there and keep the rest of the stuff, the stuff that you are actively using, in bags in the trunk of your car. I wouldn't leave anything laying around in your room where someone could find it, otherwise you might come home one day to find that it's all been thrown out...and that you're homeless.

SiobhanW
12-02-2007, 10:03 AM
Well, the privacy problem is pretty simple to me. Get a foot locker and lock it up! That may be a little too tempting for your family though (they don't seem to encourage privacy). I would get a second hand piece of luggage that still has the keys or combination and put Britney's things in there.

That doesn't work if your parents don't believe you're entitled to privacy. I left my stash in a locked briefcase (not an attache, one of the kind that Doctor's typically use) on top of my closet. No reason at all for my mother to be up there and goofing with it. And yet there it was sitting on the coffee table in the family room when I came home from school one day. :mad:

I really like the idea of leaving a letter. It will answer a lot of the more embarrasing questions and allow them to become a little less hysterical before they get to speak with you.

Ms_Judys_pet
12-02-2007, 10:55 AM
If you can't afford a storage facility, i'd be inclined to leave it in the car trunk if you have a trunk. A hatchback would not work.
If that doesn't work, get a beat up suitcase that will fit under your bed. Either make it with your ex's name or use a small moving box labeled as your ex-girl's stuff. If asked, it's just the stuff you have found mixed in with yours. Your going to send it back to her, just doesn't seem right to throw out her stuff. It's an explanation someone denying everything can deal with. my mother uses that kind of logic all the time. She's a denyer.
Over all if you can do it, i would say the storage location is the best suggestion, followed by a car trunk.
i wouldn't leave a note.

tricia_uktv
12-02-2007, 12:42 PM
Britney, why not talk to your Mother? You are her son and I suspect she will be deeply supportive of you. It will be really hard for both of you, particularly her but deep down she knows. She was protecting both your feelings with her note. If you try to hide things they will come out in the end. If you come out you may get much, much closer.

Whatever you decide good luck, and keep being brave

jandebs
12-02-2007, 01:27 PM
Britney, i'm with Trisha's reply on this - just work on moving out as soon as you can. You can't possibly accomodate your parent's smallmindedness successfully and from what you say about them, they'll never make any effort to consider you. The prospect of finding a place to live, supporting yourself etc., may be real hard, but no harder than having to suppress yourself continually.

Most of all, once you've found a way to live independently of them, you'll not have your self respect continually in question.

CrossdressinGoth
12-02-2007, 02:23 PM
Thanks everyone for the replies.

Well here goes with comments to some ideas given.

Footlocker for the bedroom wouldnt work because I would have no place to go with it in the room or the house. Since I moved out they put so much more crap in here, I dont even have room for my stuff.

Car trunks would and could work, but my dad has a spare for both my cars (one works the other does not). He has a spare incase Im at work and they need the car(s) moved. So, I can have it in my trunk, but risk the possibility of them going in there to look for whatever.

Storage locker would be a nice idea except as of late, Ive been getting full use of my clothes except my summer attire. I kinda live out in the boonies atm so its a good 20 minute drive to the nearest storage place, still might not be a bad idea but I dont have a lot where I need something that size, a lot of unpaid space would be there.

I really dont plan on staying here long. Im tryin to save up my money so I can move up by this spring at the very latest. Going over 3 years of being able to do what I want, when I want, and wear my stuff when and whereever I want. I had a nasty relationship ender and she left me with many bills in my name (found out hard way on many things like this) that have ended up having to go to collection so I have crediators breathing down my neck. I want to move closer to where I work because Im spending so much more in gas, about $70 a week because I have a big ol boat for a car and gas milage sucks.

Ive been flirting with the idea of talking to my mom about it. At times I have flirted with hints here and there talking to her about some friends I have that dress (which i do) and explained to her I give them props for having the guts to do such a thing and be happy being them. She gets very tense, very angry, and very defensive about the idea of that because its just sick, its just wrong, and its not what God would approve. Heck, they get mad when they see anyone dress even punk or goth. I know my name is CrossdressinGoth on the forums, but its not how I dress all the time. I do have a girly girl side to me along with wearing some of the "goth" type stuff. Either way they look at us as a freak of nature and they gripe all the time about how people like us should be "gone away with" and how they are happy they wont deal with them in the after life because if they go to heaven, we will all be in hell. Its sad but its how I interupt how they are with it.

As far as the letter goes, I see many pro's and many con's to doing it so Im still undecided as to what and if I should do it.

Side note I have approximately 4-5 18gallon bins filled that are ready to burst the top covers off filled with Britneys things. Also the label that it would my ex's idea, well they know I dont have anything of hers anymore and if they actually looked at the stuff, they will know its not hers cause she was a size 24 when she left me, Im a size 10 in womans.

Under the bed would be a great idea, but here I have a problem. Again no privacy, which it would be no different then how I have it now, but also they have a lot of their crap under it so my luck, I put mine there, they look for soemthing, get interested at this "new" box they dont remember whats in it, open it up and find more of my stuff. Its a lose lose situation and I have no doubts that Im going to be outed before too long.

I should also have mentioned last night I had my articles removed 3 times on me when I was first starting to dress, and thats when I didn share my bedroom with the computer room. Now with less privacy, its harder to cover my tracks. Currently I have my boxes filled but I have other things on top of it. Papers, summer clothes (guy mode), various electronic things so its helping a bit, but if they were to ever move the things and it spills open or they decide to take a peek, well I really think Id get the boot out the door.

Time will tell whats going to happen. I know if I get outed to them its for a reason. To be honest, my confidance has grown so much with this lifestyle I have Im willing to take whatever comes of this and go forward from there. If I do get kicked out I hope at least its after winter or else living in a car would be a weeeee bit chilly :P

Nicole Erin
12-02-2007, 02:42 PM
About the letter - I don't see the point. If they find it and ask you about it, just say "It is mine". They will go thru all the usual questions "are you gay, do you want to be a woman, how long you been doing this, who knows about it?..." But the best thing, let them ask before answering anything.

About those bills, if it is more than you can handle, look into bankruptcy. Some attorneys will give you a free consultation. Keep in mind this will wreck your credit and should be done only as a last resort, but if there is no other way out... please PM me if you need more info.

ASnd tricia said something about your mother being supportive - Well, most of us have experienced that people are "supportive" until there is friction.

The only thing I can think is put it somewhere that your family is just not going to look. For me, if I wanted to hide something, I would put it behind the cleaning supplies, my wife and kid would NEVER find it. :heehee:

Michelia
12-02-2007, 06:36 PM
that did not work.

But it seems to me your family means a lot to you.

So I say

Don't crossdress at home. Do not keep any clothes around. Do not write any letters. Do not talk to your mother. It will not help and only offer a permanent confirmation of what they do not want to hear. You will hurt your parents very much. For what? It will also hurt you because in their mind you will always be wrong and you are the freak.

Some bigots are just who they are. They are in a time warp. That does not necessarily make them bad people or incapable of loving. The world is full of nationalists, extremists, and isolationists of all types. I think you know all this, though. I am just tell you what you know, but take it to heart.

Be nice while at home and yes, it is tough to live by their rules. But it is their house and you must. Otherwise get out and room with someone or get three jobs and do whatever you have to as many of us have had to do. Stop crying about your parents and do something about your life. It will make you respect yourself more and you will gain the respect of your parents as well.

Maybe this is not the sympathy you were looking for, but it is good advice, Goth.

Michelia

Jilmac
12-03-2007, 12:26 AM
:sad:Britney, you dear sweet girl, you have my deepest heartfelt sympathy. I thought prejudice was a thing of the past, but it sounds as if the attitude of your parents is their way or the highway. You mentioned being from wi but you didn't say which part of the state. I live in southeast wi which seems to be more tolerant of people and the choices they make. I don't think you will ever find happiness while you are living in your parents house. Even if you find a hiding place there is still a great deal of animosity to deal with.
I don't see that a letter would change the opinion of your parents. In fact you could see the same fate as your half sister. Perhaps you could consider moving to milwaukee and starting a new life there. I know it's easier said than done and a major change like that can be very unnerving. But you have to think about yourself. If you know you can't please your parents by coming out to them, then you have to please Britney, and put her needs above theirs. Good luck in which ever choice you make girl, and please keep us posted as to the outcome.:hugs:Jill

CrossdressinGoth
12-03-2007, 02:00 AM
Well I understand where all are coming from on things. I guess I look at it this way. I hate my family with their ways of life and viewpoints they have on topics. Rather then reject them even though they would me, I wouldnt want to be like them and say forget them. They can hate me with all and it would hurt me yes, but all I can do is ask that they be forgiving for their foolish thinking and hope that someday in the future they could open up and realize life isnt meant to be filled with all that hate.

Michelia as far as your "stop crying" remark, Im simply explaining my situation, not crying. I know many have gone through similar things as this. Its because of this Im looking for ways to do this and looking for a little feedback of support. I am in fact doing something with my life thank you very much so I would appriciate the negtive attacks towards me as a person to stop. I have a problem Im trying to work on with one thing, and Im simply being targeted at my whole life, I dont understand how that works but I will respect what you have said because Im open to everything. Just understand please Im not crying, complaining, or saying what should I do with my life in this thread.

Ji, funny you ask what part of Wisconsin Im from. I just moved up to central wisconsin about 2 months ago. I moved from SE Wisconsin which has been a drag cause since then Ive found more and more people that are into this theme of things so yet again a little harder to get friends with the similar interests. Good to see there are more and more from this state coming out, maybe I'll be able to meet up with people and we can have a good time.

Thanks again for all your remarks. I will keep all posted on things. I dont think I will leave a note with my items, just do what i can for now to keep them as hidden as possible. Im lookin at moving out by spring at the latest so hopefully I'll have my own little place within the next couple of months.