Do you ever have doubts

[JOEY88]

i do usually very brief moments where i think I'm a guy and don't wish to transition ,like some times it just hits me when i wake up in the morning or some times after masturbating which is weird because the whole time I'm pleasuring myself i cant think of any thing else but being a girl, these moments scare me because it seems to go against what I'm fighting for

dose this happen to any one else,if so how do you deal with it

[princessmichelle]

I am wrestling with "am I ts?"

The only times I like being male:
1) James Bond movies sometimes do it
2) when my exgirlfriend said she really liked my beard, it became the first time that I liked it
3) when i think of the costs of transition, or even worse hell of a failed or mistaken transition.

Michelle

[MichelleBolton]

I think we would all be kidding ourselves to say that we never have doubts.

I've been hiding this all of my life, not because of me, but because of doubts on how others would see me. I told my Mom, in my way, when I was 9 - and because of her reaction, I've held it in since.

If I am to have doubts, I do not think it will be because I have corrected my gender, it will be because of the struggles associated in doing so, because of how the external world see's me.

I've thought about this, can't pass 100% all of the time - for that matter, what woman doesn't have male aspects, so does she pass 100% all of the time.

I know I will be happy within the gender role - it will be when I am struggling to make ends meet, or when someone is pointing me out because of my differences. But they will not be doubts about who I am, or what I have done to be who I am. They are doubts more around out society - and the acceptance of people who do not conform to Societies acceptable norms.

The more I think about it, the more I come to the conclusion that society needs to have better education of the entire spectrum of life, living and happiness. Who are they to judge us, for living to the fullest of our human nature.

Do I try to convince myself that I am not TG/TS, yes.. it is times when I listen to the rules pushed by a society that only sees black and white, ying and yang.

We as a community need to work together to inform and educate people about Transgendered issues, they may not understand the need to correct our outer bodies - yet they can be educated and better informed about us as a community.

We need to get away from the stereotypes of what people think of Transgendered people - we are all not running down the street in nighties, with lots of makeup on, the majority of us simply need to live life in the gender we are, and in doing so we will make mistakes, we will step out of the role once in a while, but it doesn't make us less female, it simply makes us human.

So, no more listening to the rules - well that can't be done, as we are effected everyday by societies expectations of us, based on perceptions of our Gender. I look forward to as I am our more and more as a woman, being treated by society as a woman, and I will listen to the rules then, society will set expectations of my bases on perceptions of my gender - what I really want is for them to see a woman, yet, in reality, I am Transgendered, so what would be even better would to be seen as an equal valued human in our society.

So, yes, with influence there will always be some doubt, but in my case, I believe it to be external to me, not something that I take on.

Huggs,

Michelle.

[GypsyKaren]

Doubts are a part of life that everyone has to deal with at one point or another, you're certainly not alone. To me, doubts are a way of questioning, and that's a good thing because there's always another answer to be found which may be better than the last one.

Karen Starlene

[Maggie Kay]

I have had this situation myself and it did make me question my transgender status. I wondered if I was just a pervert or that I did have that pseudo-scientific condition of autogynephelia. However, I didn't relate to wearing women's clothes as a sexual outlet. At times the they were just clothes. I came to the understanding that being a woman wasn't going to be a sensual thrill ride. I would have normal days doing normal everyday things but in the female role. I still get a rush when I see a beautiful dress or sweater for sale in the shop window but it is an appreciation of beauty now rather than that early craving. Sexuality is basically missing in my life and actually I am glad as the hormone driven mood swings I had before and after were jarring and very unpleasant. Perhaps my body was intolerant of Testosterone. When I see a beautiful woman, I am still stirred inside and attracted but it is mixed with admiration and feelings of emulation as well. I see nothing at all in males but can better appreciate the feminine looking ones as being more attractive than the macho types. In sum, being a transperson, I am learning to live all over again. Other than the emotional roller coaster it puts me on, it is a second chance at life and I have a certain appreciation of it's opportunities.

[Mariah]

Everytime I feel that way, I just put down my Violin, Close my Eyes and CLear my mind of everything (wich take me a bit becuse of how my mind works, and I can't afford the med to slow it down lol.). When My mind is all clear I just ask my self one thing.....



"I am a ________"

it's always been Girl.

keris.

[Siobhan Marie]

I have had doubts about who I am. As Karen says "Doubts are a part of life that everyone has to deal with at one point or another, you're certainly not alone. To me, doubts are a way of questioning, and that's a good thing because there's always another answer to be found which may be better than the last one." I totally agree with her. The times I do doubt myself are when I'm on nights ( I work in security), this happens in the small hours normally when I'm at my most tired and I wonder who I am and why the hell am I doing this and when I see the local psychiatrist will I get refered onto the Gender Clinic in London. But then I "wake-up" a bit and call myself an idiot and tell myself not to worry, it'll be ok and it does help, mind you so does a good sleep. :happy:

:hugs: Siobhán x

[Zee]

i do usually very brief moments where i think I'm a guy and don't wish to transition ,like some times it just hits me when i wake up in the morning or some times after masturbating which is weird because the whole time I'm pleasuring myself i cant think of any thing else but being a girl, these moments scare me because it seems to go against what I'm fighting for

dose this happen to any one else,if so how do you deal with it

Yea it does hit me almost exactly at the same times you indicate.

The morning thing, well I am not a morning person so I just chalk that up to that

After masturbating, I kinda think its a bit of guilt that has been left over from my childhood religious upbringing... but I could be wrong.

[mistunderstood]

Yes I have doubts all the time. All I can do is just keep on going and not let them stop me.

[Cai]

I have doubts. Mostly because I face a lot of people asking me "Really?" and "You're sure?" when I tell them I'm trans. Of course I'm not sure! This is a bit bigger than deciding I'm going to change my hair color, or even if I wanted to transfer schools.

But what reassures me is that the further I get along this road, the more right it seems. I used to be more closed about myself, and even admitted it was because there was an "image" I wanted to present to people. Now I don't worry about that, because I'm more comfortable with what I think of myself.

I wake up every day, knowing that I can put on clothes that make me comfortable as a guy, and that puts a smile on my face. I have not yet been disappointed that I don't have any girly clothes to wear, that I got rid of all my makeup, etc. I'm happier than I've ever been.

That's how I deal with doubts.

[Ann Smith]

That feeling of gender-maleness or masculinity that comes as the day dawns or comes after sexual climax is all about clarity. It says: All static is cleared away. You are male. And therefore you could be and do what maleness is considered to be.

Again: Clarity. Because what a male naturally is and does is seen in simple terms. A) Don't get lost (translation: involved) in emotions and feeling... B) Build something. Make something. Analyze something. Repair something.

If you're on this site you can't live that stripped-down male existence. And yet the urge for clarity is always there. Building, fixing and analyzing is fun and rewarding.

We end up in dresses and makeup because it "isn't enough." By a long shot. It shouldn't be enough. But if you could be a cultural male and have your soul filled with female energy... what Jung knew as "anima," the life force as contained in the female species, you could avoid some of the annoyance of a cross-dressing life. You would miss out on the fun of cross-dressing, if you believe, in the long run, that fun is really what it is.

[Zee]

the thing is, the feeling only lasts for about 5 minutes both ways.

[kerrianna]

Like people have said, having doubts is a natural thing. It's not surprising you will be able to relate to that side of you because it is a part of you.

I think most transgendered people will always have a kind of connection (even if it's not a happy one) with their assigned at birth gender. It was a part of you, even if you didn't feel that it was the right part. And we are the sum of our parts.

I'm always amazed when I hear people talk about themselves in black and white terms.

I guess because I tend to see everything in shades of grey.

Which can be a real pain when you're trying to be decisive.

But that's life.

Gravitate towards happiness.

[Sharon]

My whole life was one of doubts and endless questioning of myself, and I think it would be a rare, and perhaps foolish, person who never asked themselves about how genuine these feelings are. But I can state categorically that I have absolutely no doubts now. Zero. Zip. Nada.

[tiffanyanne_69]

I think kerrianna had a perfect reply. Doubts are something that everyone has, regardless of gender. And we do ourselves a disservice if we think of things in pure black-and-white terms . . . for me, its all about the beauty of grey (which as TS we are all in that spectrum somewhere).

[Felix]

I will try to be totally honest here. I always say I am who I am and what I am. Ok the question of doubts, they cross my mind every day in some form or other and just because I say I am happy where I am right now doesn't mean I don't have doubts. I doubt many things about myself and sometimes feel confused about stuff but hey who doesn't. That's how I console myself by reminding myself that we all have doubts xx Felix :hugs:

[MJ]

yes i doubt myself often but i feel it's a good thing to have as it keeps me on track

[Tina Dixon]

I don't usely go in to this part of the forum but here I am, I all ways have doubts about this, my god if I knew as much about crossdressing and transgender issues that I know about twenty five years ago will truthfully it's scary thought to me, it really is, Now I don't dress up much as of late but when I do I think I could have lived my life like this if I were younger, but the road of life takes my strange turns, and we are who we are, but yes there are doubts in my head.

[AmandaM]

I have doubted myself into complete inaction. I would like to attempt transition, 20 years ago, now I'd still like to, but I can't or won't, or, I don't know. So, I'm completely paralyzed by my fears, needs, and desires. Ain't that something.

[Stephenie S]

Interesting. Doubts? Yes.

Doubts about my transition? Never a one! I have never been so sure about anything.

Lovies,
Steph

[Valeria]

I have doubted myself into complete inaction. I would like to attempt transition, 20 years ago, now I'd still like to, but I can't or won't, or, I don't know. So, I'm completely paralyzed by my fears, needs, and desires. Ain't that something.
As I understand it, there is an LGBT center in San Diego with at least one trans discussion group (not a formal "support" group intended to act as therapy - just a group of peers discussing relevant topics in a safe environment). I know the woman that runs a trans group there, and she's really nice. I have no idea where the LGBT center is (I've never even been to San Diego myself), but I could find out for you if necessary.

I don't know if you've tried going to such a group already, but if not, it might help a bit, or someone there might be able to point you in the right direction to get some local help in figuring out where to go from here.


Interesting. Doubts? Yes.

Doubts about my transition? Never a one! I have never been so sure about anything.
As Stephanie says, I have lots of doubts (like whether I can handle an extremely heavy load at school next semester with a 4-month old baby), but none about having transitioned.

I used to have them long ago, however...

[AmberTG]

I have doubts every day, but not about how I feel. My doubts are about if I can transition successfully.