The way I see going out dressed

[Kate Simmons]

Many of us worry a lot about going out in public dressed. How many people out there are really that surprised or really care? Here is a scene I envision that is probably closer to the reality. People know who we are.Two old guys sitting on a park bench shooting the breeze and a CD walks by: "Now there's something you don't see every day Chauncy." "What's that Edgar?" " A guy wearing a dress, high heels , a wig and makeup walking in the park." " Oh, I don't know Edgar, you see one guy wearing a dress, high heels. a wig and makeup, you've pretty much seen them all." Not that big of a deal methinks.:happy:

[Trisha]

i dont wrorry about going out dressed im just myself but in lowrise jeans and top or skirts and so on as some of you know i drive a truck for a living and have even driven as trisha fuled up at the truck stop done shopping at the truck stop and even had lunch as well last week i was sitting at the counter when another truckdriver came and sat down next to me and he said hi hunny and i said hi back and just talked like two normal people so i think no one really cares what you dress like i would also like to add that i talk to people as well normal people and other truck drivers as trisha hope this helps and sorry for rambling on lol :D

[lisa_e_love]

Say tomorrow, every male who wanted to go out dressed did so with boldness and audacity. I think that not only would we be astonished at how many of our friends, neighbors, acquaintances or co-workers would be out, but society would also begin to normalize it. Seeing a man dressed would become about as eyebrow raising as a man holding hands with another man.

The problem with this scenario is that most of us, myself included, are really shy and still care about the way we are seen.

I think we'll one day live in a world where we can go out dressed without fear of ridicule. Society tends to liberate people in very selective groups though. Women tried to be included along with African Americans in the 60s, but the U.S. only worked on racial discrimination. Gays tried to be included with women in the 70s but the U.S. only worked on sexism. I think the 00s have been a decade of progress for gays and lesbians and TGs have tried to be included but the U.S. as usual is saying, "Ok, only one set of freaks at a time."

The TG world will need the leadership and the boldness of the gay pride movement.

Until then, I'm willing to put up with the occasional smirk or muffled laughter behind my back when I'm read.

[kerrianna]

LOL! Salandra...you make me laugh. :hugs:

Which makes me cough with this chest infection. Stop that.

You're probably right. We worry too much. Not the same thing as being cautious and smart.

Now imagine the reaction if someone dressed like Louis the 14th walked down the street. And yet in those days it was commonplace for men to wear all sorts of fancy and pretty clothes...and wigs!

Ah..the good old days. Let's bring some of that to the 21st century. Onward girls! :GE:

[Eugenie]

I think that you are right Salandra, most people don't even notice or care...

What some of us fear is encounering a few who notice and start bothering us or, if they are in a group become really nasty.

The risk is however minimal if one avoids some bad parts of towns: it is better to stay in busy areas and being alone in certain other places : parks for example... The time of the day (or night) can be significant too for feeling safe...

As far as I am concerned I try to avoid going out alone and look for places where the social activity is high. There is less risk of having problems and not getting some help.

:2c:
Eugenie

[Nicki B]

The problem with this scenario is that most of us, myself included, are really shy and still care about the way we are seen.

So, actually the problem isn't them - it's inside us? :devil:


Now imagine the reaction if someone dressed like Louis the 14th walked down the street.

Do you think anyone would bat an eyelid? Really? Or if someone was in a gorilla suit, or dressed as a banana?? They'd think it was some marketing thing and ignore it..


The time of the day (or night) can be significant too for feeling safe...

Daytime, in public areas, is by far the safest - most dangerous is when folk have had plenty to drink, i.e. when bars are turning out?

[StacyCD]

Salandra,

Right on the money. However, it is a little bit different if they say hey, that's Jeff wearing a dress! I don't mind much being read in a place that nobody knows me. I'm much less comfortable right now with my friends and neighbors knowing. In the future I may be less concerned.

[Littlej10]

Sniggers and the occasional comment, usually between couples and not to me, go with the territory. All of this does no harm to anyone, perhaps gives some spectators a little light relief rrom their boring shopping. The key is to not take risks and stay away from areas where groups of youths gather, particularly late in the day. I live in a relatively safe area but have only walked out after dark once and then staying well away from any potential trouble zone. Even so I thought it was the riskiest thing I have done.

[angelfire]

While I was at college, we were waiting outside our class room, and these 2 girls walked by. I am generally oblivious to everything anyway, but my friends went wide eyed and said "That was a guy!" I just look at them and say "Uhhh, what?" and they say "The 2 girls that just walked by, one was a guy!" and I just respond "Uhhh....alright." They were practically in shock.

Anther time, at work, there was a CD in the store buying stuff (as we all do), and a few of the employees were practically stalking her around the store watching her. I thought it was pretty ridiculous. And every time they tried to point it out to me, she'd have gone somewhere else and I'd miss her. People do care far more than we think, but we just don't notice it.

[Priscilla Ann]

Other people out in public either care or don't care that they see a man in feminine attire. My question is other than safety concerns why do we care what strangers think? Are we looking for approval from everyone?

[MJ]

if i may add .. most people are way too busy with there own lives they just don't notice or care .. and as i have said many times i do feel our fear is unfounded . just act like you belong how :-

dress age appropriate
relax and enjoy yourself
Smile it helps show more feminine features

don't
look nervous
look shy
look scared
don't fidget or fuss

show confidence in yourself . from my point of view i don't notice nor care and i go out without makeup on :eek: , so get out there and have fun

[joann07]

I used to worry a lot during my early days, but not as much anymore.
I've noticed that the majority of people aren't really paying much attention and are more concerned about doing their own peronal things than trying to spot a crossdresser.
Unless that crossdresser really sticks out, then people will notice.

Hugs!

[Karen Francis]

Salandra has the idea. And lots of other posts here have got a "healthy" attitude towards the subject. Yes I go out to TG friendly spots, gay bars, local TG organizational meetings etc. But sometimes I, or a couple of us will go to a local diner for late breakfast, or stop in at a store to look at clothes.
We know we are not really fooling anyone. I am a 10 footer, passable from 10 feet away, until someone picks up on it and looks more closely, then I get read. Very few of us are 100% passable, it is an impossible standard.
Like Lisa said, we need to go out more and present a positive image to society. I like the racial analogy of the 1950's, you didn't see black customers at the Woolworth's counter at first, by the 1970's no one was paying any attention. Same with openly gay couples. In the 1970's, they were a novelty, by the 1990's, it was common enough that no issue was made of it. Now it is our turn, and the internet is causing this and other changes much more rapidly than others in the past.

[MarciManseau]

i dont wrorry about going out dressed im just myself but in lowrise jeans and top or skirts and so on as some of you know i drive a truck for a living and have even driven as trisha fuled up at the truck stop done shopping at the truck stop and even had lunch as well last week i was sitting at the counter when another truckdriver came and sat down next to me and he said hi hunny and i said hi back and just talked like two normal people so i think no one really cares what you dress like i would also like to add that i talk to people as well normal people and other truck drivers as trisha hope this helps and sorry for rambling on lol :D

I used to worry about teenage boys beating me up if they found out, but they never did. I've heard so many horror stories. I think that most adults don't notice, or if they do, they don't care.

Is it true about all the fun that goes on at truck stops? :D

One guy who drives trucks told me that there are lots of working girls and also lots of gay and bi stuff going on.

Hugs, Marci :hugs:

[EDNA]

It seems. That only Females. Can dress as a Male. Since there are so many Females. Do not wear Dresses or Skirts any more. Plus Two Females. Can dance with each other. In which the public. Don't give them a second look, but while a Male CDs. The public will give him the second look and even put him down. Plus! Two non DC Males. Do not Dare to dance with each other.
[In public dance halls.]

I live in a Apartment Building and the Manager knows about me being a CD. but since there are people here. That look down on CDs. I was asked. Not to DC in the the Public Areas. So when I first moved here. I only DC in my Apt and when I went out of town. Now! Since I met another Single CD living in town. I can go over there and CD. Then we both go out together, but we stay away from Kids Play Grounds. So there will be no problems.

Plus! As of now. We only know five other Single DCs living around here and get together with.

I see nothing wrong in being a CD and glad I am one.

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

I agree with Stacy that the fears some of us have is being recognlized by people who know us. I woul have no worry about being read, though I think I am somewhat passable. But having the neighbors or folks in town know would pose some real problems.

[Mitzi]

Most people are polite enough to not stare openly, or make comments, no matter how obvious a person may be. But once the person is out of range to notice, the staring, giggles and whispering do happen. This is true whether the "aberration" is a man dressed as a woman, or some unusual physical trait.

My sense is that if a guy looks really good as a woman, but is read, the reaction will be more fascination/curiosity than scorn.

There were a couple of Gurlz, well into their seventies, who used to dress up and go for walks. One day they returned all a twitter. They'd walked past a group of construction workers on their lunch break, and got whistled and hooted at.

Mitzi

[queenmandy85]

I think most people see what they expect to see. I try to avoid eye contact and just go about my business. That being said, I was read like a neon sign while stopped at a light on West Pender in Vancouver.

[RobertaFermina]

I have an idea that my excitement, and dread about Crossdressing are linked.

The more I Fantasize that folks will be excited about my dressing (as I am) I give life to the opposite happening.

After all, if someone is meaningfully excited, then they might have been less excited, or even unaffected, or even upset, and so on.

If I decide that what people think is no reason to be dressed, and in fact doesn't matter...then my dread would fall away.

If this idea had any basis, that is.


:rose: Roberta :rose:

[charllote34]

Theres nearly 6 billion people i dont care if they see me or not just about 20 people i worry about seeing me !:heehee:

[Ruth]

It's the difference between being read and being recognised. When I go out in public, I go to a neighboring town. I'd say I was moderately passable, but surely I get read sometimes. If it's by complete strangers, well, they see a man in a skirt, think 'so what', and move on. If I was seen and recognised by a friend or neighbor, there would probably be more of a reaction.

[Nicki B]

I agree with Stacy that the fears some of us have is being recognlized by people who know us. I woul have no worry about being read, though I think I am somewhat passable. But having the neighbors or folks in town know would pose some real problems.

A wig and make up do change you considerably and people generally see what they expect to see.. But it does becomes harder if you wear your own hair (you lucky cow)?

I was once trying to tie up with four trans girl friends, in Soho - they directed me to the restaurant where they'd gone with two women they'd met up with, in a pub..

When I got there, I found the two women were both from my company and I'd worked alongside them for over six years? (One had spent two weeks working very closely with me on my initial induction, back when there were only 190 people in the company?) Well, I was quiet for the first half hour, in case my voice gave me away - but it was quite obvious, over the three hours we spent together, that neither of them recognised 'him' in me at all, even at a range of two feet or less...

[Kate Simmons]

I know Nicki, I've been in similar situatiuons. They don't realize it's you because it's not what they are expecting. My whole point for this thread was not to give anyone a false sense of security but just to point out that people are encountering CD's and other TG folks more often these days and when they do, it's no real "shocker" to them like it used to be. We can probably say that due to the boldness of some in the community, this has now become a reality in every day life.:happy:

[carolinewalker_2000]

Now imagine the reaction if someone dressed like Louis the 14th walked down the street. And yet in those days it was commonplace for men to wear all sorts of fancy and pretty clothes...and wigs!

A:GE:

I thought Elton John did!!!

[Traci Rae 1]

Lisa are you saying African Americans are freaks?

[Nicki B]

Traci, are you saying trans people are??

[Melinda G]

Two non DC Males. Do not Dare to dance with each other.

While I agree with you, I have no desire to dance with another guy. Women are different than we are, mentally!

[Edwina]

Well! I am taking baby steps leading up to a "Who the hell cares" attitude.
Today a courier delivered a package and I was waiting for him fully en femme. He said "Good morning Ma-am" and asked if I was Mrs ...... I smiled and nodded and he passed over the clip board for me to sign. He then passed over the package, all this this time his eyes were sort of glued to my chest. (I was wearing a light cotton top and I think a little of the form's realistic detail was visible :devil: ) When I said thank you in my normal voice he looked confused and I wished him a good day.
Not once did I feel nervous at all but I must work on my voice.
And so I practice until one day I will venture out again into the wider world of the supermarket. Look out y'all. :tongueout Did I mention that I have visited the South a few times? :heehee:

:love:
Edwina

[Nicki B]

Women are different than we are, mentally!

Umm - speak for yourself.. :winking:

[Mitch23]

i was in a 'mainstream' night club last night with several hundred young people and they treated us like celebrities - the boys generally wanted a snog and the girls wanted to dance - not a prob for them and not for me either! young people seem to be fairly tolerant of differentness these days even when they have had quite a lot to drink!

Mitch

[Fab Karen]

So, actually the problem isn't them - it's inside us? :devil:



Do you think anyone would bat an eyelid? Really? Or if someone was in a gorilla suit, or dressed as a banana?? They'd think it was some marketing thing and ignore it..
In New York for example there was some guy who played guitar who walked around in nothing but underwear & a cowboy hat( probably made that concession to avoid being outright arrested ) who called himself "the naked cowboy"- I'll bet that most people walking past him were saying something like "I wonder if it'll rain?" or "who do you think will win the ballgame?" ( you get the drift here, not a big deal )



Daytime, in public areas, is by far the safest - most dangerous is when folk have had plenty to drink, i.e. when bars are turning out?
Think of where a GG wouldn't want to be alone as regards safety.

Also someone mentioned the boldness of gay leaders & activists... well what you probably aren't aware of is that such action started ( in this country ) in the 50's. In the 60's a turning point moment happened when what were then called "drag queens" fought back against police raiding a New York gay bar. The gay neighborhood saw this & many joined in that night in standing up & saying "no longer." That's today known as the birth moment of modern gay activism.

[Traci Rae 1]

Not at all I am Transgendered ,I was not saying it to be mean. not even trying to start anything

[Nicki B]

..well what you probably aren't aware of is that such action started ( in this country ) in the 50's. In the 60's a turning point moment happened when what were then called "drag queens" fought back against police raiding a New York gay bar. The gay neighborhood saw this & many joined in that night in standing up & saying "no longer." That's today known as the birth moment of modern gay activism.

Yep... I thought that was widely known? Of course some folk don't see DQs as sitting under the 'trans' umbrella - IMHO, they're wrong. Talk to a few? :winking:


Not at all I am Transgendered ,I was not saying it to be mean. not even trying to start anything

Traci - I took Lisa to be pouring scorn on general attitudes, not describing anyone as freaks herself? :hugs:

You certainly sounded as if you'd taken offence?

[lisa_e_love]

I wasn't calling anyone a freak... I was parroting the societal attitude towards us and other social minorities.

[Mitch23]

sorry Marci - lapsing into UK speak again - a kiss!

mitch

[Melinda G]

Umm - speak for yourself..

I think you know what I meant. While women dance with each other frequently, I don't think most of us want to dance with another guy, even if we could. But in this case I am certainly speaking for myself. :D

[Nicki B]

I think you know what I meant. While women dance with each other frequently, I don't think most of us want to dance with another guy, even if we could. But in this case I am certainly speaking for myself. :D

I meant, I dance with other transgirls all the time?? And so do plenty of others? It's a girl thing??

[Mitch23]

we put our handbags on the floor and dance round them - a girl thing ...

Mitch

[Traci Rae 1]

Sorry Lisa , Traci