Is what I do “cross-dressing”?

[CathyKR]

I’ve been on this board for about a month now, and have read many of the threads and picked up on what a lot of you get up to clothes-wise and otherwise…

I’ve been “interested” in female clothing for as long as I can remember. My earliest memories are of being fascinated by my elder sister’s clothes from the age of about 5, and wanting to be around her and her friends when they were wearing clothes of a particular style – which style was extremely popular for women as well as for girls, in the mid-60s here in the UK. On a few occasions when I was quite young I had the opportunity to secretly put on some of her dresses, but as the years went by, I outgrew her size, and duly “moved on” to my mother’s wardrobe. It was at this stage that I discovered fur, and my mother’s quite large selection of fur coats – beaver lambs (“moutons” to you US/Canadian folk), musquash (“muskrat”), racoon.

For me, there has always been a fetish aspect to wearing these clothes (although at the age that I started, I didn’t understand what was happening). But fetish isn’t the whole story – I also love the styles from an aesthetic point of view.

In the last few years, and thanks to the Internet, eBay, and the larger sizes of clothing in the styles I love that are produced by the likes of Coldwater Creek, I have built up a considerable stash of clothing, typified in style by the dress in my avatar.

My point is, I never go “the whole way” – no panties or other female underwear, no tights, no bra, no wig, no make-up (apart from clear protective nail polish, which I wear all the time on my long natural nails). I’m not particularly into jewellery, apart from wearing earrings (again, alll the time) in my pierced ears. I never try and make myself actually look like a woman. For me, it’s just a dress, or skirt and blouse, under a fur coat if it’s cold, and that’s it. Underneath is my own (men’s) underwear. And always indoors, alone. Nobody else knows. I’m totally in the closet. Just before we got married my wife saw some fantasy jottings in an old notebook, which alluded to cross-dressing, but at that stage I wasn’t active, and told her (truthfully, at that stage) that I had no intention of making it a reality.

I’ve heard of places in London where a guy can go and be dressed up – clothes, make-up, wig and all – helped by sympathetic G-females. While, admittedly, that remains a dim and distant fantasy, I have no intention of putting it into reality, at least at this stage of my life (I’m 47). From looking at your avatars, you girls look fantastic when you’re dressed, but I know that I’d look utterly ridiculous.

So, am I a cross-dresser? It’s not that I’m trying to deny it – it’s just that I’m not sure that what I do is what you would call cross-dressing.

[Marla S]

It's just a question of how you define it.

Technically everybody who wears "women's labeled" clothes for whatever reason is a crossdresser.

A lot that consider themselves a CD try to look as close like a woman as possible. That can be fun, but it also can be a curse.

Not all that CD choose that approach.

So, basically, yes I'd consider you a CD.

But it is just a label anyway. Just be YOU, that's the only label that counts anyway.

[Tina Dixon]

I would say yes your a crossdress, you wear dresses and skirts were some just wear panties under there male attire, your just at a diffrent level than some of us, enjoy.

[Vivian Best]

Cathy, I share the opinions of the other posters that anyone who chooses to wear any women's clothing carries the label of CDr. I guess we will always be hung with labels as long as we live. Male, female, black, white, tall, short, and etc are all labels that we live with all the time.

[Holly]

Cathy, try to not get hung up on the labeling of yourself. Maybe a better question would be, "Am I happy doing what I do?" It makes no difference if my defination of cross dressing and your defination match or not (but for the record, I would say that you ARE a cross dresser). Let your heart and your soul and your spirit determine how happy and accepting you are, not a label.

[docrobbysherry]

I sense from your letter, that u really WOULD like to, let's say, move up the CD ladder. But, for a number of reasons, don't feel u should.
I pretty much dress to the hilt now. However, when I was married about 10 years ago, my dressing was quite modest. Much less than yours, I believe. I had no desire to increase my CDing back then. After I divorced, my imagination and my CD desires both soared! It has still taken me years to be satisfied with my CD looks. U must be patient and follow your own path thru the CD forest! Look into your heart, do what it tells u is the rite thing for u.
Been there, maybe I still am!
RS

[Casey Morgan]

So, am I a cross-dresser? It’s not that I’m trying to deny it – it’s just that I’m not sure that what I do is what you would call cross-dressing.

Based on what you said in this post, I'd say you're a crossdresser. I'm going to repeat some things that others have said so bear with me.

It doesn't matter WHY you wear women's clothes. It doesn't matter which clothes you wear. It doesn't matter whether you're really a woman inside or getting in touch with another side of yourself or just a guy or anything like that. Just enjoy it.

And although in practice there seems to be a hierarchy of crossdressers (how much you wear, how often you dress, etc.) there really shouldn't be. the thing is to get to the point where you're happy doing what you do. That whole "more CD than thou" is just macho BS.

Of course, the real question here is do YOU consider what you do to be crossdressing. But again, since I get the feeling you're just looking for reassurance and validation, I'd call what you do crossdressing.

[Nicki B]

Cathy,

I'm a year older than you?

Have a look at my post here (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1113292#post1113292) - you might find some of the links useful? I guarantee you wouldn't look ridiculous? :)

[Jolene]

Based on what you said in this post, I'd say you're a crossdresser. I'm going to repeat some things that others have said so bear with me.

It doesn't matter WHY you wear women's clothes. It doesn't matter which clothes you wear. It doesn't matter whether you're really a woman inside or getting in touch with another side of yourself or just a guy or anything like that. Just enjoy it.

And although in practice there seems to be a hierarchy of crossdressers (how much you wear, how often you dress, etc.) there really shouldn't be. the thing is to get to the point where you're happy doing what you do. That whole "more CD than thou" is just macho BS.

Of course, the real question here is do YOU consider what you do to be crossdressing. But again, since I get the feeling you're just looking for reassurance and validation, I'd call what you do crossdressing.

The nice thing about this site is that there is something for all of us here. We can all share out thoughts and experences with others who understand this thing called CDing what ever our level of dressing happens to be.

Jolene

[EDNA]

Yes you are Crossdressing. In which there are some. That do not go out. That is okay. I have such known men. As a man has the right to feel that way. Also threre may a be a day. That you do go out and find out great it is.

I wish you the best. In what ever you do. Remember that you are your own person.

[LilSissyStevie]

I think you have drunk the pink kool-aid.:2c:

[carolinewalker_2000]

Sorry luv; you are a crossdresser!!! Each of us has our own "rules" which help define how we express our femininity, but deep down we are all the same - we need to express our feminine side somehow or other. Welcome to the Club!

[charllote34]

Yep crossdresser allright and its nothing to be scared of !

[Nicole Erin]

Well yeah CD's come in many levels.
Some just wear just one particular piece of women's clothing that the love [like guys who wear women's undergarments under their male clothes]. Some live all the time as a CD.

If you are worried about being accepted by other CD's, worry not, we don't have a "standard" as to how far one has to go. If people accept us then we accept them. We are not a judgemental bunch.
As far as "passing" that doesn't matter either. Plenty of CD's don't pass or even try to. That is OK cause CD'ing is about enjoying women's clothes and things, it is not about "passing" it is not about "who looks better than who" or "who wears more stuff".

[tricia_uktv]

Yes, you're a crossdresser - but whats the big deal?

[Kate Simmons]

The goal of wanting to be an individual cannot be over stressed. Definitions mean nothing really. Who we are and how we relate to our feelings is the important thing. "Levels" and "labels" are really meaningless unless they mean something to us. Is our goal simply to exchange one aspect of the "matrix" for another? Only we personally can answer that and that is the million dollar question.:happy:

[Ruth]

Well Cathy, I can relate to your story - when I was a youthful 47, the idea of being fully dressed as a woman, in wig, make-up etc., was a dim and distant fantasy, but now I do it several times a week in the comfort of my own home, with the approval of my wife.

I don't know if this answers your question, but, wearing articles of women's clothing = crossdressing. Being an admitted CDer doesn't make you into a criminal or a deviant though. It's just something you do.

[Ann Smith]

your patterns of crossdressing have an array of characteristics. One of them is that it doesn't seem to absorb all that much of your free time. Not sure about the money part. The time factor has distinct advantages, when it comes to maintaining your relationship with your wife.

So you are somewhere on the continuum. Just like Rudy Guiliani.

[CathyKR]

Many thanks for your replies.

The consensus appears to be that what I do is CD-ing. Fine and dandy.

I think that some of you have read a lot more into my post than was there. There is no problem, no "big deal". There's no need to apologise, and I'm not scared! It was just a question of terminology. Perhaps more than anything, I wanted to ensure that I wasn't visiting this board under false pretences. I feel that what I'm into falls quite a way short of what a lot of you on this board do. I'm certainly not ashamed of what I do, and I shall probably find ways to enhance my CD experience, to give me even more pleasure.

Who knows, I may investigate one of those dressing services at some time in the future. But not now - I just don't have the opportunity to do that at the moment. Opportunity dictates my CD experience, and at the moment, sadly, those opportunities are few and far between.

Thanks again.

[Jilmac]

Dear Cathy KR, I am 62 and have been dressing since I was 15, and have never been passable as a female. At age 25 I grew a full beard and have only shaved it off 4 times in all those years. But I still call myself a crossdresser and wear my clothes with a great deal of pride. So my dear, I will not label you with anything other than Cathy, but some dictionaries define crossdressing as wearing the clothes of the opposite gender. Call yourself whatever you may, but it seems that you enjoy wearing women's clothes as much as any of the rest of us girls. Luv, Jill:hugs:

[Deborah Jane]

So, am I a cross-dresser?

Fraid so..Welcome to the club :hugs:

[Deanna2]

If you are happy when you wear a dress, then I would say that you are not a cross dresser.

Also, if the clothes are yours then you can't be wearing clothes meant for another person. Ergo, you are not a crossdresser.

Hey! What the heck? Just enjoy. If you want a label, that's what society is for.

[Emma England]

Well, actually there is no such thing as a crossdresser.

That is because clothes do not have a gender.

What defines womens clothes? Which department they are sold in. Who cares.

I think people in the western world are obsessed with gender, particularly against males who might want to wear skirts, dresses, makeup, and have long hair.

You must do what is comfortable for you. Dont let anyone tell you how your appearance should look.

For the time being in society, you are regarded as a crossdresser.

[Mitch23]

we are a 'broad church' here and you are a valued member of it. no need to give yourself a label, just enjoy who you are!

mitch

[Ashly]

Well, actually there is no such thing as a crossdresser.

That is because clothes do not have a gender.

What defines womens clothes? Which department they are sold in. Who cares.

......

Very well said !!!!...but I guess, we had that discussion here many times.

[Amy Hepker]

If you have a mind of a Female and dress as a guy then Yes you are crossdressing, even if you have Male genitalia.

[Casey Morgan]

Perhaps more than anything, I wanted to ensure that I wasn't visiting this board under false pretences. I feel that what I'm into falls quite a way short of what a lot of you on this board do.

Don't worry about visiting under false pretenses. If nothing else, the tag line of this site is "The #1 site for crossdressers, their family and friends". So just looking to hang out here and chat with others makes you warmly welcome here.

[AbbyN]

It sounds like you are comfortable with what you have heard here. Congrats and welcome to the club. I'll offer a few thoughts to several of the posts here, and I promise, not with the intent of starting an argument.

I agree that we shouldn't get hung up on labels, but there are times when they can serve a purpose. When I was in high school, I did a lot of research in an effort to understand and hopefully fix my 'problem'. At the time, I was panicking and sure I was going to hell. I wasn't sure if I was a gay, a woman trapped in a mans body, a transvestite, a CD, etc. Once I was able to put a label on it, I was able to do more research in the right area in order to understand myself and to eventually realize that there are a lot of people like me. I still don't understand WHY I like it, but at least I know I'm not alone.

Abby

[RobertaFermina]

If you are wearing clothes that you define "women's" or "girl's" clothes, they you are "dressing across the gender divide."

So you can be a crossdresser, and perhaps stretch some people's idea of what a crossdresser is....

Or you can be "a man who wears these clothes", and perhaps stretch some peoples idea of what a "man" is.

Or you could quietly eschew any label, and since you are in the closet, leave yourself and god in a state of blessed confusion.

Blessed Be !

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[ChanDelle]

I'm essentially in the same boat as you re dressing. Very rarely have I gone "all the way" with it, and it mostly lives as a fantasy. However when I can I do wear pierced earrings (only fem) and lipstick. I would refer to myself as a crosser although even at a lower gradient than probably most here. And like you, I've had a very strong interest in female fashion and experience all my life.

I'm sure if I felt passable and had better opportunities, I would take it to the next level.

Just enjoy it and know you're welcome here.

ChanDelle

[AmyCarter]

Be happy and don't label yourself. .. If you want a label, here's one...you're a hairstylist who doesn't do hair :)

[Sallee]

I would agree you are indeed a cross dresser "Not that there is anything wrong with that" Enjoy, have a good time and if you get the chance visit one of those services you speak of you'll have a great time. Luv