Life after transition

[MichelleBolton]

Girls,

I think of my life after transition, think about the type of woman I am.

I define myself as a woman who is as comfortable in Jeans and T-shirt, as she is in an evening dress. From no, or little makeup on daily to all done up for the big event.

I have thoughts of being married, someone's wife - sharing a life together with a man that I love and adore. He knows of my past, but it is not a big deal to him. He loves me for me, and I love him for him.

I know that along the way there will be learning and potential dissapointment, yet I am certain that I will gain what I speak of above.

What are your dreams, and goals for life after transition?
What are you looking forward to?
What are you not looking forward to?
What do you dream of?


Just some thoughts this morning, that I thought I would share..

Hugs,

Michelle

[CaptLex]

Girls,
Michelle,

I noticed you've started several threads in this section and addressed all of them to "Girls" (as above). You may not realize, but the TS section is for all transsexuals, boys and girls, FtM and MtF. We're smaller in numbers, but there are transguys here too and it's an uphill battle to be included in these important and educational discussions sometimes.

Do you mean your comments and questions only for transwomen? Or maybe you don't mean to exclude the transguys, just didn't know we're here too. Just wanted to clear that up. Now on to your questons . . . and if you're only interested in "Girls" responses, feel free to disregard mine.


I have thoughts of being married, someone's wife - sharing a life together with a man that I love and adore. He knows of my past, but it is not a big deal to him. He loves me for me, and I love him for him.

I know that along the way there will be learning and potential dissapointment, yet I am certain that I will gain what I speak of above.
I think if you believe it will happen, then it will happen. Personally, I don't see that happening in my life (I know how high the odds are against me), but I haven't given up hope altogether.


What are your dreams, and goals for life after transition?
What are you looking forward to?
What are you not looking forward to?
What do you dream of?
I think transition itself is such a huge goal and dream, pretty much anything else after that will be minor in comparison. I suppose just being able to finally live as me is the goal.

Looking forward to using my experiences to bring about awareness for all transpeople.

Not looking forward to facing constant transphobia - I know we still have a long way to go and it's not going away anytime soon.

I dream of a lot of things, but I assume you're referring to as it relates to being trans or post-transition. In that case, I guess I dream of what most people dream of - a happy, content or worthwhile life that includes doing work I like, good friends, and moments where I can enjoy the simple things most people take for granted - and do it all as the real me.

At the end of my life I don't want to have many regrets and I know not transitioning would probably be my biggest one, so as long as I can take care of that - the rest is just coasting downhill.

[MichelleBolton]

Sorry, no, I didn't mean to exclude anyone.

I am here to educate self, and I believe us all to have value to bring to the table.

I am sorry if it sounded like I was excluding people.

Michelle

[Cara Allen]

Don't worry... Those F to M's need a tougher skin. Besides, they are moving into a life of priviledge, while we are moving into a life of second class citizenry. (giggles) Capt. Lex, how can you pick on a girl!

As for the issues you bring up, Michelle, they are very broad and deep. It is all I can do to focus on the next step, and the next. If I try to look too far ahead, I get bogged down with the mass of things that have to happen before I get to the other side of the tunnel.

I hope to arrive at the point where I can get near the end to do an asessment. I will get back to you, hon!

Cara

[CaptLex]

Don't worry... Those F to M's need a tougher skin. Besides, they are moving into a life of priviledge, while we are moving into a life of second class citizenry. (giggles) Capt. Lex, how can you pick on a girl!

:rolleyes:

[GypsyKaren]

Don't worry... Those F to M's need a tougher skin. Besides, they are moving into a life of priviledge, while we are moving into a life of second class citizenry. (giggles) Capt. Lex, how can you pick on a girl!
Cara

I hope you're joking...

Karen Starlene :star:

[Syr_SwitchyGQ]

Don't worry... Those F to M's need a tougher skin. Besides, they are moving into a life of priviledge, while we are moving into a life of second class citizenry.


Uhmm... Cara? Are you trying to say that you see women as second-class citizens? Because I know there are a lot of ladies here who don't see themselves as second-class, as well as a lot of the boys who would never treat a lady as second class, because we grew up women... we know what that's like and how it feels.

Or perhaps you just see yourself that way?

Edit: If you were joking (which I sincerely hope you were) then maybe try to tone it differently next time. Because this site is text-only you really have to be careful how you word things so that people know when you're joking or being serious. :2c:

[Kieron Andrew]

Don't worry... Those F to M's need a tougher skin. Besides, they are moving into a life of priviledge, while we are moving into a life of second class citizenry. (giggles) Capt. Lex, how can you pick on a girl!

I do hope this is said is jest!!....talk about like we're not here why dont you....:rolleyes:

Anyway sorry Michelle, to answer the questions from MY perspective

What are your dreams, and goals for life after transition?
To live in self peace, what i mean by that is no anquish of living in the wrong body or being seen in the wrong gender to how i feel....

What are you looking forward to?
Walking down the street and being perceived as male with not even a second glance or no correction of pro-nouns, when i open my mouth and speak

What are you not looking forward to?
Same as Lex, im not looking forward to facing constant transphobia, having to always explain my transness

What do you dream of?
A day when i can be accepted as me, A Transman

[ZenFrost]

Post transition, my dreams and hopes are to just be a guy, be seen as a guy, and not have people second guessing my gender at every turn. I don't think that transitioning would magically make my life perfect, but it would be like finally gaining a lost piece of a puzzle. What I'm not looking forward to is all the hoops I have to jump through in the process.


Don't worry... Those F to M's need a tougher skin. Besides, they are moving into a life of priviledge, while we are moving into a life of second class citizenry. (giggles) Capt. Lex, how can you pick on a girl!


Whether you're joking or not, your wording could use some serious improvement...

First of all, the Captain was just asking for clarification and pointing out that using the word "Girls" tends to exclude many of us FtMs. He didn't go telling her off, he was just trying to explain, nicely.

We need a tougher skin? Why, because we don't want to be excluded in a public area and we want people to call us by the gender that we are?

And saying that we're moving into a life of privilege?You think that women are second class citizens? I'm not going to say that sexism doesn't exist because it does, but women are NOT second class citizens. And going through all the years of effort to become male doesn't just automatically grant us 'privilege' nor is that the reason why we do! Even if you're trying to make a joke, it is not funny to make light of this. We know what it's like to be women, and while I can't say it's been easy, I've never felt second class to any man.

[AmberTG]

I think the referral to women being "second class" citizens is simply a reflection of how society has traditionally treated women, and still does to some extent. You only need look at "pay for same job" and upper management hiring issues to see that women are still not equal in what has been, in the past, a "man's world". Lets face it, women have only been widely allowed into the work force sense WW2, at least in "non traditional" roles. Although it's much better now, it's still not equal, especially if the attitudes of most of the men I know are any example.
So, even if that was said in jest, there is still some truth that as we MTFs transition, we are moving into a lower position in a male dominated society.
I personally don't have a problem with that, it won't be any different for me then it's always been in the past.
Just to clarify one thing, I don't think women are the "weaker" sex, far from it, it's just that there is still some measure of discrimination against women in this society.

[Tobie]

Perhaps the MtFs feel that, but let me put it this way...

When I talk about my brothers on here, the FtMs, people are SHOCKED that it could possibly work that way. When the general population thinks 'trans', they think people who were born genetically male and whose gender is really female.

Sorry, had to interject on that because it's something I see a lot when trying to explain my pangenderness and that FtMs exist.

[Leah B]

Besides, they are moving into a life of priviledge

Oh come on guys, you're so privilieged! You've never heard of "Transsexual Privilege?"

[GypsyKaren]

Just to put some fires out, I'm sure Cara was joking because she's always been a very good and supportive member.

Karen Starlene :star:

[brylram]

It's hard for me to think of women as 'second-class' when most of the more powerful, intelligent, and impressive people I've encountered in my life have been female. I think there are definately positive and negative aspects of being both male and female... but I think it would be hard to find one as being easier or harder than the other, because both are so complex... and the variances are infinite, both in the genders themselves and how they're perceived by individuals and groups.

As for the questions, I'd like to answer them... but they're all sorta past-tense for me, as I am already on testosterone and recognized as male in my daily life, without question. So unfortunately I can't honestly contribute without simply saying what I 'used to' think.

[Lanore]

I am right where I am supposed to be and loving every minute of it.

Lanore

[Sharon]

What are your dreams, and goals for life after transition?

I transitioned last year, but all I ever wanted was to live my life as I truly am in my heart.


What are you looking forward to?

A little snip here and a little snip there -- otherwise, I have achieved my goals. :happy:


What are you not looking forward to?

In regards to my transitioning? I can't think of a single thing that I would view as a negative. It wasn't always so, but it is now that I have made the leap.


What do you dream of?

Just being who I am. And, btw, that goal is not to be a damn second class citizen!!

[MichelleBolton]

Sorry to create such a stir..

I didn't intend to exclude anyone - and in respecting all I won't write in such a way to exclude anyone in the future. I believe we all deserve respect - and I was looking for feedback from the entire group of people here, as we all have a valuable viewpoint that I personally want to here.

So, men, women - please contribute!! Please!

In life, during RLT, and after transition, it's important to me that I find my place in this world as female. That's what is important to me.

I can completely understand for FTM, that they too, in life want to find their place in the world as male. That is what is important to them.

Hugs, Michelle

[Jan W]

Having read all the posts in this thread I am fairly sure Cara was attempting to be witty and not nasty. (The "giggles") made me think this.

But whatever her reason it is a thought provoking addition to this thread. (As proved by the replies)

I have read that some men see MTF's as giving up their privileges as male and that produces malice. This is amazing to me as I have always seen women as the stronger of the sexes.

I do not mean that women have it easier but it is women who have kept things going when the going gets tough. I will not dismiss men as weaker but I have seen enough big strong guys go to water around a woman they admire to tell me there is inherent power in femininity.

I wish all our FTM brothers the very best and the rest of us the same too.

Jan

[CaptLex]

Just to put some fires out, I'm sure Cara was joking because she's always been a very good and supportive member.


Having read all the posts in this thread I am fairly sure Cara was attempting to be witty and not nasty. (The "giggles") made me think this.
Well, we've yet to hear back from Cara, so I don't know. But even if it was a joke, it was in poor taste. The reason we've had to develop a tough skin is because of dismissive, condescending comments like this one. First we get overlooked and when we speak up about it, we get berated. I fail to see the humor. :straightface:

[Siobhan Marie]

I don't see myself as a first or a second class citizen, I'm just little old me.

I know that what Cara said was said in jest but unfortunately it didn't sit very well at all with some of us. :hugs::hugs:

All I want once I have transitioned is to be me and to find myself a loving lady with whom I can hopefully spend the rest of my life with. Not too much to ask is it? I don't think so.

:hugs: Siobhán x

[John]

What are your dreams, and goals for life after transition?
What are you looking forward to?


Hm, everything really. Just geting on with my life. At the moment theres no way I can move forward till I've sorted a lot of these issues, my life is liturally on pause. I look forward to going back into education, descovering where I'm supost to be, what I'm supost to be doing, and then doing it. I look farward to not having to explaing that actually, I'm a man, not a woman, everytime I meat someone new. I look forward to being atractive to people of the wright gender and orientation!

What are you not looking forward to?

Injections for ever. (ow!)

What do you dream of?

Actually having a life, because I'm really not living at the moment.




Don't worry... Those F to M's need a tougher skin. Besides, they are moving into a life of priviledge, while we are moving into a life of second class citizenry. (giggles) Capt. Lex, how can you pick on a girl!

:wall:

[kerrianna]

Sorry Michelle, I was going to answer this seriously, but after reading a couple of misguided and insensitive comments here I'm finding it hard to concentrate.

Two things:

The boys here DO NOT need a tougher skin! Grrrr! I HATE it when people say that. Like 'lighten up' blah blah. No, maybe some people need to grow a more sensitive skin. Why does the world always want it tougher? Isn't it tough enough out there?

And, excuse me? MTFs going to the weaker side? Says who?


Errgghhhh!!!!!

Sorry, I guess I need to go put my tough lotion on or something, because gender stereotypes are the LAST thing I thought I'd see in the TS section.

Joking or not, it's no laughing matter for most of us here.

I have to go to work now. I'll try to answer your question Michelle when I have calmed down.

:rolleyes:

[Kieron Andrew]

Sorry Michelle, I was going to answer this seriously, but after reading a couple of misguided and insensitive comments here I'm finding it hard to concentrate.

Two things:

The boys here DO NOT need a tougher skin! Grrrr! I HATE it when people say that. Like 'lighten up' blah blah. No, maybe some people need to grow a more sensitive skin. Why does the world always want it tougher? Isn't it tough enough out there?

And, excuse me? MTFs going to the weaker side? Says who?


Errgghhhh!!!!!

Sorry, I guess I need to go put my tough lotion on or something, because gender stereotypes are the LAST thing I thought I'd see in the TS section.

Joking or not, it's no laughing matter for most of us here.

I have to go to work now. I'll try to answer your question Michelle when I have calmed down.

:rolleyes::hugs: :kissing::love:

[GypsyKaren]

I'll just say one more thing about Cara's remarks and then let's all move on...that kind of stuff will not be tolerated here under any circumstances, I don't care if it's meant to be funny, and I will lock out any member from the Transsexual Forums who fails to show the same kind of respect that we've all come to expect here.

Karen Starlene :star:

[kerrianna]

...and after that Michelle...I'm not sure I CAN answer your question.

I guess it's because at this stage of the game for me I really don't think too far ahead into the future. Just to fill you in, because you probably don't know, I am going to be 50 next year...I know, still young, and I do still feel young and I feel like I have a lot of living left. But my partner had a very serious cancer scare this past year and it was a cold hard slap in both our faces. There are no guarantees about tomorrow.

So it's kind of put my focus where I needed it to be anyway, because I am a natural daydreamer who can find the day waning as she has dreamt it away. I'm living much closer to today.

I never was good at long range dreams and plans and goals anyway...but now I really do want to stay present as much as I can.

Obviously that doesn't preclude having thoughts about what it would be like.

I guess I avoid some thoughts because truthfully, I'd love to also be someone's wife...and THAT means I'm not with my partner of 23 years and my best friend. That just doesn't compute in my heart and head. So then I'd love for us to find a way to live and love together as two women...and whether that is possible only time would tell. It's not her original idea, but maybe because we're older it might be a cool new thing. I know she likes a lot of what I am about now. But how far?

I think I would want to move to a new community too, because I've been in one place 17 years as a male and everyone sees me that way. In some ways it's nice to make the changes in a small town because if people like you then they just shake their heads and do their best to support you...but you always have that "I remember you when you were a guy/girl" thing going on.

So a fresh start might be in order. And that means away from my family too. :sad:

And there are no guarantees that strangers will like me in my new incarnation. They won't have gotten to know my personality or know I am a good person and friend. They might just see "weird freak" or whatever. Or if I'm with my partner, "eek! weird lesbians."

Other than that...I can't see myself being much different than who I already am. Yeah, maybe I'll get invited to some of those "women only" gatherings, but I'm not sure how much else will change. I already mainly hang out with women, most of them seem to feel comfortable around me, at least one on one, I dress more or less appropriately around the house and even when I 'bend' outside...I'm not interested in being someone I'm not.

The one thing that is a big ?! to me is my desire to be treated fully female by a man I adore...and I see two HUGE impediments to that. My relationship which I have no desire to destroy, and the feeling that most men who DID know my past would NOT see me as fully female, not in a hetero way. I think it's many a T-Girl's dream, but I haven't heard of too many who have had it fulfilled. Maybe for younger people...because there might be more open-mindedness. Besides, a lot of you young gals are knock-down gorgeous.

There...I did my best. Actually Michelle, thanks for the thought-provoking questions. Apparently I HAVE thought about it. Huh. :p

And Kieron, :hugs: :kissing::love: back at ya!



Actually... shacking up with a transman would definitely be a consideration. :battingeyelashes:

I mean if I was available, which I'm not. :D

[Kieron Andrew]

And Kieron, :hugs: :kissing::love: back at ya!
awww! schucks!! :heehee:



Actually... shacking up with a transman would definitely be a consideration. :battingeyelashes:

I mean if I was available, which I'm not. :D

:eek: CAROL!!!!

[kerrianna]

:eek: CAROL!!!!

I soooo KNEW you were going to say that!!!

Didn't you see the disclaimer in the last line? :heehee:

[Cara Allen]

Just to put some fires out, I'm sure Cara was joking because she's always been a very good and supportive member.

Karen Starlene :star:

Please, everyone! Joke, joke!!!!! If you don't get it, I can elaborate.... If we can't laugh at ourselves and our unique condition in society, I think we are being too serious.

[SirTrey]

If you don't get it, I can elaborate
No, no, we definitely got it.

If we can't laugh at ourselves and our unique condition in society, I think we are being too serious.
Feel free to laugh at yourself any time you like.

[CaptLex]

Sorry to create such a stir..
No, Michelle, you're fine. It was a simple misunderstanding, and it's been cleared up now. Apology happily accepted - I realize you didn't intend to exclude. No harm, no foul. We're cool. :Peace:


If you don't get it, I can elaborate....
:OMG:Wow, talk about adding insult to injury . . . :doh: We get it . . . we just don't want it. Apparently, you're still the one that doesn't get that. :rolleyes:

[Cara Allen]

My apologies to any and all that were offended by my remarks.

[MichelleBolton]

Thanks CaptLex.. I didn't intent to exclude anyone..

I like men...

love,

Michelle..

[Kieron Andrew]

Thanks CaptLex.. I didn't intent to exclude anyone..

I like men...

love,

Michelle..
Michelle dont worry about it, no harm done....lets move on and let your thread evolve eh :)

[Mean Green Irene]

From the original post:

What are your dreams, and goals for life after transition?
What are you looking forward to?
What are you not looking forward to?
What do you dream of?

I am now 58 and am at my 45th day of living as a woman.
My dream is to continue with the happyness that I have found.
I am looking forward to SRS and a feeling of completeness
I am not looking forward to wearing a wig the rest of my life (my hair will never pass)
I dream of being ??? I don't really know. I feel that my dream for my life is here now.

Irene