What makes an accepting GG ?

[Nadia-Maria]

What makes a GG more accepting her husband’s crossdressing ?
What are the key factors making a GG accepting it (not only tolerating it) ?

Accepting her husband’s crossdressing, is it a matter of :
. Quality of relation in the couple ?
. Quality of Love from the wife ?
. Quality of the love from the husband ?
. Mind-openness of the wife ?
. Personality of the husband ?
. of which one is leader in the couple ?
. Just a matter of luck (only one chance in many) ?

Etc . etc.

I'm most puzzled and and looling forwards your insights ...

Hugs
Nadia

[Kris]

What makes a GG more accepting her husband’s crossdressing ?
What are the key factors making a GG accepting it (not only tolerating it) ?

Accepting her husband’s crossdressing, is it a matter of :
. Quality of relation in the couple ?
. Quality of Love from the wife ?
. Quality of the love from the husband ?
. Mind-openness of the wife ?
. Personality of the husband ?
. of which one is leader in the couple ?
. Just a matter of luck (only one chance in many) ?

Etc . etc.

I'm most puzzled and and looling forwards your insights ...

Hugs
Nadia

Well, I think that your questions are silly. It depends on the person.

I guess it's different in each relationship.. I don't know what else to say. I think the answers will vary from person/couple to person/couple.

Good luck!
Kris

[Kate Simmons]

Yup, Kris has it right. There is no "formula" and it depends on the people involved.:happy:

[lisa_e_love]

. Quality of relation in the couple ?
. Quality of Love from the wife ?
. Quality of the love from the husband ?
. Mind-openness of the wife ?
. Personality of the husband ?
. of which one is leader in the couple ?
. Just a matter of luck (only one chance in many) ?

I think that you're not really going to be able to judge whether or not a GG will be accepting just based on other facets of her personality. Obviously someone who seems open-minded and socially liberal is a better bet than a straitlaced no-nonsense type. But, even if it's a great relationship, you both love each other, you're both open-minded people and the husband maintains his expected role in the relationship, you never know how a GG will react.

Some GGs really do consider themselves very open-minded, but when they find out their SO is a crossdresser, all of a sudden they find a disgust they didn't even know they had!

Ultimately it just comes down to honesty and discussion. I certainly don't want to take a shot in the dark hoping that if we love each other enough and she seems open-minded that I can tell her later.

Crossdressing is just a whole different ballpark.

[Mitch23]

none of the above for me. my wife comes from a fundamentalist christian family upbringing and had an childhood where 'nothing bad ever happened'. She is also a 'pillar of respectability' in the local community and we have a son aged 11. My coming out to her has rocked her to the core. Although she is unsupportive, she is mellowing slightly, we continue to love each other and our relationship has actually improved with the level of honesty and compromise we now have

mitch

[kim85]

One of the main reasons that im accepting is that my SO had stoped a few months before we met (about july/aug) last year we got together at new year and he told me july/aug this year. SO there was no ive been lied to he thought he could stop and the fact he hadnt done it behind my back made it easier to accept. I cant deal with wigs or makeup which lucky hes got no interest in but if he did i wouldnt stop him i just couldnt see him like that.
hope that helps
Kim
xxx

[Jillm]

I think every person here can answer this question different, and their SO would probably answer the question different then them. What I believe in my case is - our love for one another and our open commutation. There is a lot more to it than that but I believe these are the 2 key features in a successful marriage, not just in a SO accepting the cross dressing.
Jill

[Raychel]

Kris pretty much said it like it is. But I think that she would be more willing to accept this side of her man, if her is totally honest with her and she is satisfied as a woman. Although she needs to know that she is not going to lose her MAN. There is always the concern that the CD wants to have SRS or really wishes to be with other men instead of her.

So if the relationship is Happy and Healthy alnong with personality, then I think that the GG would be more willing to accept a little diversion. As long as it does not become a big diversion.

[Marla S]

I agree with Kris.

Other than that, picking one: mind-openness.
Communication is most important and that needs a basis.

BUT having this said: Is there a way that the CD can make it more acceptable ?

Will be different for everyone as well.

[Genifer Teal]

Only you know your wife well enough to judge how she might react. I think that having an open mind is very helpful. Thinking of my sisters, they are very conservative. The first time I put on lipstick, I had already worn more makeup than they ever will. Lucky for them they have natual beauty. One sister definately doesn't accept this part of me and the other knows but we don't talk about it. If I had to guess, I'd say the would not be the most accepting if their husband did this.

Another factor is how they react to your lie. If you are already married and only deciding if you should tell her now, then you lied to her. She had a right (or feels she did) to know about this in the beginning. By hididng it, you lied to her. She married someone she didn't completely know because you decieved her. How she will react to this, I can't begin to guess. It will affect her acceptance of your dressing.

Religion could also play an important role. It depends what and how strong their beliefs are.

This is just some food for thought. No one can predict how someone else will react, only you know your wife well enough.

Hope this helps a little.

Gen

[Billijo_06]

Nadia,

There may not be a formula but, by the same token, there may be pieces of all that you sited as factors to an accepting GG.

When I got married, we accepted each other for who we where and loved each other for being just that. We had a wonderful trusting relationship although she was not to open minded but was open to learn. I think that love, trust and communication where the attributes that made my marriage work

In my own case, my wife really never knew that I had CD tendencies. I was working on a way of moving into the subject when she became very ill and eventually died so I will never really know for sure but, that said, there where times she had asked to paint my nails and once she caught me wearing pantyhose and said nothing but just smiled. So I would have to say that that she would have been an accepting GG.

[Samantha43]

I agree with the other posts here. Open mindedness is key for both partners. In my situation, I have a very supportive wife who actually enjoys my hobby. I try not to take advantage of her support by dressing too often or wearing female clothes under my male clothes. She has told me that she doesn't like that. So I am dressed either 100% female or 100% male. She knows that I am 100% hetrosexual, and am 100% man. She understands my need to dress and where it fits into our lives and relationship.

She likes the advantages of having a cross dressing husband. She has a live in makeup artist, hair stylest, nail technician and shopping partner. She loves the attention of me doing her makeup, hair and nails. How many men could do that, or even be willing to try? I actually enjoy it too!

So for us it has actually been a benefit to our relationship. We have an understanding of each other that is almost unbelieveable to me. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure it isn't a dream, especially after seeing what some of the other girls go through who post on this forum.

I am truly blessed.

[Ruth]

Nadia, I'm curious as to why you ask. Are you looking for a kind of personality profile so you can predict how it would go if you come out to your SO?
Or are you conducting a more abstract intellectual exercise?
I think, as a few people have already said, the individual relationship in each case is more or less unique, so it's hard to generalise, and I certainly wouldn't want to base any important decisions on this type of survey.
I've gone through this, my wife has accepted me, but I couldn't give you a list of tick boxes that made it so. I just thank my lucky stars!
Love,
Ruth

[Nicki B]

It depends on BOTH partners, surely? You can have the most accepting woman in the world, but behave like a prat and you'll lose her?

[Nicole Erin]

. Some GGs really do consider themselves very open-minded, but when they find out their SO is a crossdresser, all of a sudden they find a disgust they didn't even know they had!


Good point there Lisa. :thumbsup:

As seen on forums and real life - Some GG's are accepting one minute and have disgust the next.
If it comes down to that, then please realise that your "accepting" GG WILL hold this against you during times of "for worse".
It doesn't matter how honest, how soon you told them, what you say, none of that crap. Most of them tend to act the same way.
OR, you may meet them when you are en femme so nothing to even tell later, they are cool, but eventually they decide they want a "real" man.

[kim85]

It depends on BOTH partners, surely? You can have the most accepting woman in the world, but behave like a prat and you'll lose her?

nicki brings up a good point. Dont lose yourself in the cding you need to think about how your SO feels aswell.
Kim
xxx

[Nadia-Maria]

A big thankyou for all your answers, and kisses to those who have understood what I meant.


Nadia, I'm curious as to why you ask. Are you looking for a kind of personality profile so you can predict how it would go if you come out to your SO?
Or are you conducting a more abstract intellectual exercise?


Ruth I know you cannot predict for sure the reaction of any individual faced to an unusual situation, so I seek for what is the most important for *maximizing* the chances to have (to find) an accepting GG.
Of course, maybe they do not exist such key factors, and it is just a lottery to have an accepting GG.

However I don’t believe it is just the lottery. I have an idea, but only a rough idea, of which are the key factors, and that’s why I sought confirmation or contradiction in this thread.

My GG has an open-mind , shows trust and love for me, our communication is rather good, and thanks to this forum I have learnt how to avoid the most common mistakes when coming out. Those factors are indeed favorable to have an accepting GG. However I guessed her acceptation would probably be poor, because my SO/GG has a very clear understanding of her needs whereas she seems to have a preconceived idea of my needs. In fact she is more open to (what should be) my needs, than (what are) my needs.
Moreover her wiring is extremely straight (she wants a man, period) ; and she has no lesbian tendancy or so (if this is of importance ??).
So her adaptation to my crossdressing was questionable.

I decided to come out to my SO/GG a few days ago. Because I did not expect to be rejected for being a CD. And because I guessed my CDing would be at least tolerated.
And it is what has happened. Tolerated, seemingly : don’t ask don’t tell.



But, even if it's a great relationship, you both love each other, you're both open-minded people and the husband maintains his expected role in the relationship, you never know how a GG will react.
(..)
Ultimately it just comes down to honesty and discussion.


You are right. And I presume it has also something to do with the hobbies and the wiring of the GG.




the fact he hadnt done it behind my back made it easier to accept. I cant deal with wigs or makeup which lucky hes got no interest in but if he did i wouldnt stop him i just couldnt see him like that.
xxx

It’s just that. My GG wants to see me as a man. She does not want to see me dressed as a girl. But it’s no big deal for her if I dress when alone.




So if the relationship is Happy and Healthy alnong with personality, then I think that the GG would be more willing to accept a little diversion. As long as it does not become a big diversion.

Yes.





In my own case, my wife really never knew that I had CD tendencies. I was working on a way of moving into the subject when she became very ill and eventually died so I will never really know for sure but, that said, there where times she had asked to paint my nails and once she caught me wearing pantyhose and said nothing but just smiled. So I would have to say that that she would have been an accepting GG.[QUOTE]
I think so.


[QUOTE=Samantha43;1114548]
She likes the advantages of having a cross dressing husband. She has a live in makeup artist, hair stylest, nail technician and shopping partner. She loves the attention of me doing her makeup, hair and nails. How many men could do that, or even be willing to try? I actually enjoy it too!

So for us it has actually been a benefit to our relationship.


That is another key factor !



It depends on BOTH partners, surely? You can have the most accepting woman in the world, but behave like a prat and you'll lose her?

Very good point.


Good point there Lisa. :thumbsup:

As seen on forums and real life - Some GG's are accepting one minute and have disgust the next.
If it comes down to that, then please realise that your "accepting" GG WILL hold this against you during times of "for worse".
It doesn't matter how honest, how soon you told them, what you say, none of that crap. Most of them tend to act the same way.
OR, you may meet them when you are en femme so nothing to even tell later, they are cool, but eventually they decide they want a "real" man.


Your post sounds so real ...

Hugs
Nadia

[Violet]

If it comes down to that, then please realise that your "accepting" GG WILL hold this against you during times of "for worse". It doesn't matter how honest, how soon you told them, what you say, none of that crap. Most of them tend to act the same way.

I disagree with this. One, not all GGs will hold it against you during "for worse" times. If your GG has a tendency to hold grudges, or bring up past things during a current argument, then perhaps she would do this. However, it has never been my style to throw something like that in someone's face during an argument; it's just not something I would ever do and I think a lot of people would describe me as "accepting."

This would be like me saying, "Even if your boyfriend SAYS he never wants to go out in public fully dressed, in a dress, wig, makeup and with shaved legs, please realize that he is a CD and he WILL do it. And, if you have an argument, he WILL throw in your face all the times you didn't 'let' him dress when he wanted to." While, yes, I'm sure that does happen, I've read a lot of posts here from CDs for whom that simply isn't a priority or desire.

As for the original question, I agree with many others: that what makes an accepting GG is definitely variable. However, I think there are some general characteristics that many (not all) accepting GGs have. These are including, but not limited to, open-mindedness, repect and/ or deep love for their partner, patience and willingness to communicate. And my wager would be that the more both partners share these characteristics, the more accepting the GG.

[Marcie Sexton]

How about all the mentioned qualities...

for me and my wife it is all of those mentioned...

not to mention years of love and trust...

[Billijo49504]

Hmmmmm? Let me think about this. The other night my wife brought me a pink cami and v neck sweater from Lane Bryant. She asked if she can use some of my Super Model perfume, from VS. My lip stick sets on the bathroom counter next to hers. I think she is very supportive of my dressing. Oh, she just did my gurl laundry. Velour slacks and a few sweaters and my bras and panties. Her knowing I'd be spending 6 hours on my feet today, she told me to be sure to wear my nylons today. I think she knows I crossdress....BJ

[jaina]

What makes a GG more accepting her husband’s crossdressing ?
What are the key factors making a GG accepting it (not only tolerating it) ?

Accepting her husband’s crossdressing, is it a matter of :
. Quality of relation in the couple ?
. Quality of Love from the wife ?
. Quality of the love from the husband ?
. Mind-openness of the wife ?
. Personality of the husband ?
. of which one is leader in the couple ?
. Just a matter of luck (only one chance in many) ?

Etc . etc.

I'm most puzzled and and looling forwards your insights ...

Hugs
Nadia

Its quite simple. An open minded, loving person will accept a partner for who they are.

[Nadia-Maria]

Its quite simple. An open minded, loving person will accept a partner for who they are.

You certainly are right.
As a consequence the open minded, loving person will NOT REJECT a partner for being a crossdresser. She will at least TOLERATE crossdressing, in a way or another to be negociated.

Being an accepting and supporting GG of her husband's crossdressing is most probably A STEP FURTHER than that, I believe.

The wife - even an open minded and loving person - may neither want to see her husband often (if at all) dressed as a woman, nor to go out to social events with her crossdressed husband.

Hugs
Nadia

[LilSissyStevie]

A loving and selfless husband.

[Vicky_Scot]

What makes an accepting GG?

A woman who loves you for the whole you.

A husband/partner who loves her for the whole her.

[Nadia-Maria]

What makes an accepting GG?

A woman who loves you for the whole you.

A husband/partner who loves her for the whole her.


Maybe, you have made the final word, and what you wrote sounds well.

Hugs
Nadia

[RobertaFermina]

This is one for the GGs, I think.

I'd love to hear from GGs, what makes a CD S.O. a joy to accept ?!

:rose: Curious :rose:

[KayHenderson]

In my case, she has always tended to be sympathetic to people who were somewhat out of the mainstream.

Although she loved me enough to marry me, she said she was delighted to learn five years later that I wasn't quite as "vanilla" as she thought I was.

It's added a wonderful extra dimension to our relationship for the last twelve years, and we're still going strong.