aim of going out dressed

[shirley1]

hi i have been crossdressing on and off for the last 25 years - i'm nearly 40 now but i am intending on visiting a local tg social support group meeting in a few weeks time - i think my aim is to meet likeminded people and have a social element to this - i enjoy dressing at home but really think its time to experience going out dressed - everytime i go out with mates these days i see women and am envious and wonder what it must be like to have the freedom to wear what they wear i public - i no doubt will get advice of girls who have done this many times when i go to this meeting but just wondered is it as scary as some people say the first time - is it a case of the better you look the less likely you are to get funny looks, taunts ect - my ultimate goal would be to go to a shopping mall in broad daylight loads of people around and be able to go into womans clothes shops and buy, try things on ect - yeh i think i will go to this meeting i dont think its something most people can do on their own at first - as anyone got any first time experiences of this - and why is it so many people say its children that are more likely to spot a guy dressed ?

[MarinaTwelve200]

I think that the desire to go out dressed is an IMPORTANT characteristic of a certain TYPE of Crossdressing (perhaps what we would call the "classic Crossdresser") They have a "fem side" that needs to be catered to, and going out (or the desire to go out in "closet cases") appears to be half the "thrill" in these classic cases.

In other, forms of CD, such as "Escapisim" there is little need or desire to go out, as there is no Fem side involved, but rather an escape from the Normal Male identity. The same could be said for fetish linked CDers, The clothing is the object, not the social experience/identity, so there is little need to go out.

Could it be conceivable that Only the "classic types" are the TRUE CDers and other activities that involve wearing gender different clothing articles really be considered a different "condition"?

[shirley1]

i agree - i have a mate i've known since i was a kid he likes or used to like wearing womens underwear for a sexual thrill - it started like that for me and i still get a sexual thrill from it - but for me its kind of developed to more than that - i have been told by cds i've met that it becomes more of a compulsion as you get older for some at least - i think as most men get older they become more masculine looks wise - body hair increases - some men loose their hair (me included) and if you have that strong feminine side to you - it seems like physically your adrogens are taking it away from you - i got misaken for a girl a few times when i was younger with long hair not even trying to look female but it wouldnt happen now - luckily i'm still slim and the fact that i think i could pass makes me want to do it even more - guess i'll just have to go for it !

[joann07]

Hi Shirley,

I'm kind of in the same boat as you, as far as how I got into dressing.
For me, I'm 38 and for the past 26 years I had worn pantyhose on and off to help satisfy my feet and pantyhose fetish. It was only a few years ago, when I started living on my own, that this quickly transformed into wearing women's clothes. I still get the thrill, but now it has developed into fully crossdressing (i.e. clothes, wig, makeup, etc, etc.) and experiencing life as a woman.

I went to my first Tri-Ess support group meeting back in Oct 2006, but it wasn't until Feb 2007 that I first went out to a public place (i.e. mall, restaurant).
I've learned and experienced so much in a short period of time that that first time seems like years ago.
Over the summer, I practiced such things as my wearing the right clothes, presentation, and mannerisms and that it quickly built up my confidence to the point that I have no problems go out in femme. Things that I had dreamed of only a few months ago have become a reality. Last year, I never thought I could fly in femme, but just this past October I flew to Chicago and what a great trip that was. And back in September, I was dressed for a week while in Atlanta for the Southern Comfort Conference.
That was also an amazing experience.

I've been out so many times that I'm not really nervous at all.
In fact, I was out again this past weekend (Fri, Sat, Sun) and did some hopping at the local clubs, shopping, and doing some errands.
I was amongst many many ordinary people, including young teenagers, and nobody batted an eye.
It felt great knowing that I blended in very well and was treated with respect and courtesy just like any other person.

I was once in your shoes, but the more you do it, the more confident you'll be, and the easier it'll gets.
Once you get a taste of what it's like to be out, you'll never go back to the closet because its addicting. :)

If you have any questions, please feel free to send me a PM or email.
Best of luck to you.

Hugs!

[Nicole Erin]

hi i have been crossdressing on and off for the last 25 years - i'm nearly 40 now but i am intending on visiting a local tg social support group meeting in a few weeks time - i think my aim is to meet likeminded people and have a social element to this - i enjoy dressing at home but really think its time to experience going out dressed - everytime i go out with mates these days i see women and am envious and wonder what it must be like to have the freedom to wear what they wear i public - ...wondered is it as scary as some people say the first time -
Out in public, yeah just stick with safe places and have company if you can. It is easier to go out with others.

is it a case of the better you look the less likely you are to get funny looks, taunts ect - my ultimate goal would be to go to a shopping mall in broad daylight loads of people around and be able to go into womans clothes shops and buy, try things on ect - Malls are kind of strange, a lot of younger people there who are not tactful if they see a CD. I have made this mistake

yeh i think i will go to this meeting i dont think its something most people can do on their own at first - as anyone got any first time experiences of this - and why is it so many people say its children that are more likely to spot a guy dressed ? Kids tend to stare more and take things at face value. They might often mistake someone for the opposite sex. Adults don't care as much and don't stare as much.



:2c: added.

[Phoebe Reece]

Shirley,

Going out dressed femme is something that words will never adequately describe. You simply have to do it to understand the feelings. And those feelings will be different for different people. It can be like riding a really big roller coaster. Everyone gets a thrill of some sort on the ride. Some will be so scared by it they resolve to never go again. Others find the thrill so appealing they never want the ride to stop.

Going to a support group meeting will help you a lot. Talking about experiences face to face with another CD will make you more at ease.

"The better you look..." is not necessarily the answer to being accepted in public. The more you look like the average woman in whatever location you are in will get you less attention than having perfect hair and makeup. Attitude is what will really get you accepted. If you show self-confidence and act like you belong wherever you are, most people will figure you do belong there.

Teenage girls seem to have a knack for spotting CDs. That is probably because they are constantly comparing themselves against women they see. I have found that a smile and perhaps a friendly wave to them disarms them from causing any problems. Once again, self-confidence will get you past them.

[Dita_B]

I can only speak for myself here and I'd like to tell you that I went out for the first time all by myself... and that was in February of 2007. There was no support group that I knew of here in Victoria and I didn't know any other CD's here either thus I had to do it on my own...

If it was scary? You bet it was. The scariest thing for me was to expose myself willingly to the (critical) eyes of others for the first time. Once you are out there, there is no way back, you just have to deal with the situation as it comes.

In hindsight, I made way to big of a deal out of it. I went to a Mall for my first outing in broad daylight as I found that the safest way to go undetected... To mingle among all the women going about their business in the Mall, I found that was less dangerous than an outing all by myself in a deserted area at night.

Since that first outing, which was an exhilarating experience, I couldn't stop anymore and now I go out at least twice, if not three times a week. And I don't think even twice about it. But I must warn you, it is at least for me, extremely addictive...

Still I do that most of the time all by myself, but recently I have started a Yahoo group specifically to organize social contact among the CD'S in my area, so that the newbies, such as yourself, who want to take their CD-ing to the next step, don't have to do it on their own anymore, as I had to do...

Why it is that younger children stare? I think it is because as long as you are not perfect in emanating a real woman in public, they are the ones that when they pick up on the fact that you look perhaps a little different, keep looking at you... Others, may notice the difference as well, but ignore it, as you would probably do as well in the same situation, and go about their own business.

Everyone has to find their own comfort level and my suggestion to you would be to make sure you look the best you can and just go for it. Once you have done it, you get the feel for it and you can adjust to what you think needs improvement. A very important aspect of crossdressing in public is your mannerism. You can be dressed to the nine's but if you walk and move like a guy, you'll be read in no time flat. So study women's movements, a good place to look is the site of the Biomotion lab and here is the link:

http://www.biomotionlab.ca/Demos/BMLwalker.html

Just click on "lines" on the side of the walker and than move the slider from male to female and observe the change in body movements. Very illustrative...

If you get read, don't panic, nobody is going to bite you... I react in the same way when en femme as I would react in drab.. I am not crawling away, when it happens, I face it head on and that has been the best remedy for me. It is all in your attitude, if you show self confidence you can even go out in drag while not wearing make up at all and not be harassed as some brave souls on this forum have proven time and again.

Good luck with your outing(s), and if you need any more answers, by all means, PM me...

[Billijo49504]

Hi, well the last time I went out dressed, was to Victoria's Secret. I wanted to get a bra fitting and didn't want to get fitted as a male. So I went as a gurl..Most days I wear female clothes, so no big deal, just add a wig and makeup.....BJ

[Joni T]

If I can't go out I won't dress. Going out is what it's all about.

[Joy Carter]

I think that the desire to go out dressed is an IMPORTANT characteristic of a certain TYPE of Crossdressing (perhaps what we would call the "classic Crossdresser") They have a "fem side" that needs to be catered to, and going out (or the desire to go out in "closet cases") appears to be half the "thrill" in these classic cases.

In other, forms of CD, such as "Escapisim" there is little need or desire to go out, as there is no Fem side involved, but rather an escape from the Normal Male identity. The same could be said for fetish linked CDers, The clothing is the object, not the social experience/identity, so there is little need to go out.

Could it be conceivable that Only the "classic types" are the TRUE CDers and other activities that involve wearing gender different clothing articles really be considered a different "condition"?


A great analogy Marina.:D

[Kate Simmons]

Quite honestly when most of us start doing this we really don't know why. We know there is a "driving need" to do it but it can be somewhat puzzling. We learn as we go and if we are lucky enough, we discover the motivation behind it. We go through the "motions", going out shopping, yadda yadda, going where people are to get some kind of validation or acknowledgement which can be negative, positive or mixed.

The ultimate it seems is being with like minded people who will accept us and interact with us. How possible and important that is to us depends on the person and the circumstances and not everyone can follow through. The important thing is what it means to us personally and how we address that will most probably determine just how far we go the express the feelings. To really be successful however we have to take ownership and be able to manage the feelings on our own because it is our life and no one else's no matter how many groups we belong to or how many people we know. Bottom line is we get out what we put in and if everything works out, it is a positive value added experience.:happy:

[Suzy Harrison]

It is very scary going out in public the first time. Not only are you concerned about how good your clothes and make up are -you also have to concentrate on your mannerisms. Shoulders back, wiggle a little as you walk, smile, arms together, small steps, gentle feminine swing of the arms..... you're exhausted after a few steps!!. If you overdo the make up and clothes that will cause you problems as well.
It's a roller coaster ride too - you get good days when everything is perfect and you can do no wrong - and bad days when the whole world seems to see you and nothing goes right. It's all down to confidence. Once you been out enough and had loads of exeprience then it's fine. I'm still not at that stage but I'll get there one day !

[Nicki B]

Could it be conceivable that Only the "classic types" are the TRUE CDers and other activities that involve wearing gender different clothing articles really be considered a different "condition"?

I'm not the first to suggest that there are least three forms of gender dysphoria/dissonance -

*Discomfort with our image (what we see in the mirror, if it's masculine or feminine)

*Discomfort with our anatomy (desiring breasts, unhappy with our body shape, sex organs, etc)

*The need for social interaction (wanting to be treated as a woman)

We all have varying amounts of dysphoria along each axis. Those with a high level along two, or three, are most likely to transition (there are plenty of non-ops living f/t out there)?

And the level of dysphoria is not necessarily constant?



..but just wondered is it as scary as some people say the first time - is it a case of the better you look the less likely you are to get funny looks, taunts ect
.......as anyone got any first time experiences of this - and why is it so many people say its children that are more likely to spot a guy dressed ?

Shirley, I think it's a grand idea to go out with a friend, at least at first? Two of you means that you're more likely to be read, but you will quickly find out, that doesn't matter. Just be proud, remind yourself you've as much right to be there and wear what you want as the next girl?

Yes, it's scary - but you will rapidly discover that the fear is in your head, not the reality, and overcoming that fear is hugely empowering? :)

[JoAnnDallas]

My first outing dressed in the daylight was a walk from the back door, ups the side walk, up the front walk to the walkway to the front door, then to the front door. I then walked back the same route to the back door. This time a car came down the street, pass on by me and kept going. No honking or anything. Scared, yes totally but each time out I got less scared. Soon I was taking drives around the neighberhood, then going and filling up the SUV with gasoline. This was summer 2005. Then I got in touch with the local Tri-Ess group. Found out HEF2006 was being held here in Dallas, TX. I signed up and went. That was my first public outing and first time meeting others like ourselves. I was invited to visit the local chapter and soon after joined. I have gone out with other CDer and now I go out by myself. I go shopping, out eating, and etc. So far I have had no problems. I am sure some have clocked me as once in a while I get that grin from a GG. even then they treat me as the woman I am presenting as. Yes it is additive. Once you start going out fully dressed, you want to do it again and again.
I have found and many here will say the same thing. Dress to BLEND IN. You will be less noticed that way. Also SMILE when someone looks your way. It will disarm them faster than you think.

[Mitch23]

I've gone from terrified newbie to confident young lady who generall goes out twice a week in public en femme. i did all my christmas shopping yesterday dressed - i have had nothing but acceptance, no taunts, no negativity and made loads of friends. Your presentation will improve the more you do it because it has to!

mitch

[Alex!]

Kids are more observant than adults, because, well, they are essentially progammed to be this way. A baby is constantly looking around and soon messing around with stuff. Curiosity promotes learning.

Kids are also not well-versed in the ways of social etiquette, so they also have a tendancy to say: "Hey look at that funny man in a dress, Mom!"