Why do people have to p*** on my parade?

[Taylor105]

Not you guys, ever. You all are in the same boat as I am and you are so happy for me. My family and friends were okay when I came out as trans. I mean some of them are weren't but the majority of them were. I guess they thought I was going to take it no further other than the haircut, packing and binding. Oh, and changing my name. But when I told everyone I intend to go on T the shit hit the fan. Of the handful of people in my family that I have, most of them are upset about the whole T thing. Why is that? It hurts and I can't understand. Have any of you guys or girls for that matter had family freak out when you told them your intentions to start taking hormones? Will they eventually come around do you think? I am hoping that this news is just a shcok to them because they know of the physical changes that will take place. And everone was okay with calling me Taylor since they knew my birth name was Michelle and they felt I would never change it. But obviously I want to change it and I have wanted to change it for a long time. And after starting T I will HAVE to change it. Can you imagine getting pulled over by a cop or carded in a bar and people seeing Michelle as my name? My deep voice and facial hair would make the cop or whatever think my liscence was fake. I don't get people. I just think they were thinking deep down inside that this was something that I would eventually "grow out of" Like a phase or something. Going on T is really making them face reality that I am serious. So what do you guys think? Have you run into the same types of things along your journey? What do I do? I won't dump any of my family or friends but I think some of them may dump me. What a shitty way to feel right now. I was so happy yesterday. And now I am so sad. But I know that no matter what happens with the ones I love I will still be going on T and I will still be changing my name whatever they choose to do. And I would love to have them by my side. But if they won't be....well, I'm sorry but I have to be me and they are not the ones who live in this body. I was born with a birth defect and I am going to change it. Simple as that. I know I am rambling so I will go for now. Please guys, lift me up or tell me your expeciences with family and friends when you decided to come out to them about starting hormone treatments. Thanks for listening, Taylor Allen Jon Anstrom <---I do so love the sound of my name. haha

[Marla S]

So sorry to hear.
I have no experiences in this respect, but I do hope and I am kinda convinced that most will accept it and support you.
Everything needs time. It's a new situation and they probably will need some time to think about it. Communication about your and their concerns will help.

Fingers crossed, I wish you the best :hugs:

[Nicki B]

Of the handful of people in my family that I have, most of them are upset about the whole T thing. Why is that? It hurts and I can't understand.

Why? Because it forces them to confront change - people rarely do that well, we don't like change, it's threatening... And in some ways they're losing 'their' Michelle & gaining this guy they don't know if they know - it's very much like a bereavement?

Plus some of them are bound to be worried that you're making an irreversible decision. Forgive them, they don't - they can't ever - fully understand?


Will they eventually come around do you think? I am hoping that this news is just a shcok to them because they know of the physical changes that will take place.

It may take a while, but yes - once you show them it's still you? But that you will be very different?


But obviously I want to change it and I have wanted to change it for a long time. And after starting T I will HAVE to change it. Can you imagine getting pulled over by a cop or carded in a bar and people seeing Michelle as my name? My deep voice and facial hair would make the cop or whatever think my liscence was fake.

You do know Michel is a perfectly ordinary French male name? :strugglin


I don't get people. I just think they were thinking deep down inside that this was something that I would eventually "grow out of" Like a phase or something. Going on T is really making them face reality that I am serious.

Exactly.


So what do you guys think? Have you run into the same types of things along your journey? What do I do?

I can't speak for the boys, but IME it's pretty usual. Just stick in there and show them who you really are - they still only see the outside - and remember the child they knew growing up. And they will always have those memories?

[Tristan]

Sorry, Taylor. :hugs:

To be honest with you I haven't told my family I've started T for the reasons you are upset. My mom's the only one who knows I'm trans and she was so upset about that I didn't know how to tell her. I didn't want her to rain on my parade so I've quietly started injecting, though I know I need to tell her, I rather get through the holidays and etc without it being an issue. I agree with Nikki that people don't like to confront change. We shake up what most people take for granted by crossing gender lines too I think.

[Syr_SwitchyGQ]

:sad: Sorry to hear that Taylor. I know when I first came out to my parents, it was hard enough to tell them that I wanted look and act like a guy... when I even mentioned any sort of body changes my mother literally said... "Rachel, I just can't think about that now... to see you ruin your body that way would just kill me." That was two months ago... she's more okay with it now, but I know if I do decide to do any body changes my parents will freak out all over again. I think it's really hard for them when they have to confront the fact that this is serious enough for you to physically alter your body. So... it may take them awhile, but hopefully they'll come around and realize that you're still the same person (you always were Taylor) ...just now your body will reflect that. :hugs: Good luck with them, I hope they come around soon.

[kerrianna]

:hugs::love: Taylor, I suspect if I ever cross that "Rubicon" I will get the same reaction from a lot of people who thought it was just a phase or something tha made me happy.

You're right....now it's REAL to them. No matter how much you told them it was serious, they were always hoping it was just a surface thing, a phase, whatever it was that allowed them to accept your changes. Now you're "I'm going to change my body, and take the physical risks that come with that." and suddenly they are going "hey! there's no going back! You're serious! :eek:"

And their first reaction will be to 'save you' from your misguided folly.

The thing is, you KNOW it's not folly. This isn't something you are playing with, or a phase, or a guess....you have done an awful lot of thinking and self-analyzing and trying out and research...we've all seen it. So, yeah, you are just going to have to stick to your guns and take the rough with the good.

Some people will get onboard eventually when they realize that you will carry on with or without them. Some people might never get it. You will get better at learning how to navigate around people like that. And yes there well could be hurt and misunderstanding.

It's a roller coaster for sure Taylor...but life kind of is anyway.

Just keep showing resolve and certainty and patience if you can. The stronger and more stable you appear in your decisions, the more people will realize it's up to them to figure out how to deal with it.

And this is for all the hurt that you have today and will hit along the way. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[bi_weird]

*hugs* Dude that sucks. Sorry your family's being totally crazy.

[SirTrey]

Dude, I am going through some VERY similar things here right now....Almost scary when I read your post just how similar situations can be....My mother is still reeling from My name change and refuses to call Me Trey....even though it IS My name....I have pretty much decided to start the T without telling them and just letting the chips fall where they may....They will deal with it or they won't...I have a right to be Me....and you have the right to be you....It's not fair for people who don't have to live like we do to come down on us and make us feel guilty for just being who we are....and I have decided not to LET people do that to Me. Hugs, man, I feel your pain...a lot of us do....**Trey**:hugs:

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Taylor

I am so sorry to hear this, but I do know how it feels. Most who stayed with me when I went full time kinda freaked when I then decided to go further, first with the mones and then especially with the SRS. I think as long it was just my appearance to them, maybe they figured it was just a phase that I'd eventually snap out of, but going further made it a finality to them that they weren't ready for. I think they had their heads buried in the sand, hoping it would all go away so they wouldn't have to deal with it anymore.

They may tell you things like they're kinda cool with it at first, but very few if any understand it, and that's where the big problems come in. People have a tendency to fear what they don't understand, because it goes against the walls they build to protect them from things that are different from their ideas of what is normal. To them, it becomes "I would never do such a thing or see how anyone else could, so there must be something wrong with him." It's human nature,and very hard to deal with.

All I try to do is to keep assuring everyone that only I can know what's wrong with me, and I know how to fix it. I tell them that I'm still the same person, but better now because I'm happy beyond belief, and all because I finally get to be the real me. It takes time and lots of patience, but I've found for the most part that those who loved you before will still love you, and those that didn't still won't, and I can live without them...you take care.

Karen Starlene :star:

[AmberTG]

Something that I knew a long time ago, but only recently took to heart, is that people are only capable of seeing the outside of you. They can't see into your heart and soul, they can't possibly relate to the real, hidden person inside the shell, especially if they have no frame of reference to go by. Close family members are actually the worst because they have these long standing preconceived notions about who they think you are. Sense we transgendered people are so good at hiding our true selves from everyone, when we do finally come out to our family members, they are usually shocked. They never saw it coming and the "coming out" is such a big change in their world and what they thought they knew about you that it takes time for them to come to terms with the news. Some people adjust to it and some people never do. It becomes a waiting game to see which family members will accept the "new" you, the person that you were never able to show them before. I know that doesn't make it one bit easier, but maybe it makes the ordeal a bit more understandable.
I think it's interesting that when you tell someone you know as a friend, sometimes their thought process clicks and they get that "ah ha" moment, suddenly they realize why they always thought your behavior was a bit weird. They were picking up the subtle signs but didn't know what they were before you told them.

[Taylor105]

I want to thank all of you for your encouragement. I have actually copied a few of the responses from this post and shared them with some of the people I came out to. It somewhat helped them understand a bit better. I want to thank all of you for being my friends. This may sound cheesy but the best day in my life is when I found this site. To know I wasn't a freak and there were lots of FTM's out there. I credit you guys for helping me save my life. I was seriously considering suicide when I did a google search and found this site. To know there were people, guys and girls, going through the same thing as I was was an amazing thing. I knew I wasn't alone in this anymore. You all have lifted me up when I was down and you have helped me to get the courage to open up and tell people. I know I was outed by some people who were out to hurt me but in the long run it was the best thing that could ever happen. And to have you all here to lean on when I was so scared about the reactions I was going to get literally saved me. I can't imagine what would have happened to me if I had been outed without anyone to support me. I don't even WANT to think about that. I'm in a sappy sentimental mood tonight if you can't tell. lol And I haven't even been drinking. hehe Anyway, thanks is such a small word....but thanks. Taylor Allen Jon Anstrom

[Nicki B]

I'm in a sappy sentimental mood tonight if you can't tell.

Well, just pull yourself together, man... :winking:



:hugs:

[Taylor105]

Well, just pull yourself together, man... :winking:



:hugs:



LOL Sometimes I love being mushy. I'm just a sensitive guy. It's one of my better traits. hehe

[AllieSF]

Taylor, I applaud you on your courage and determination to be just you. That is not easy for most people and almost impossible when dealing with your situation. So be patient and keep up the good work. Maybe some outside help is needed to bring around your closest family members and friends. By that I mean one or more group counseling sessions where a knowledgeable third party (counselor/therapist) takes the lead to explain your situation and answer any questions the others may have. In a way, I see it as similar to marriage counseling where both parties need to be present to be able to get all on the table in a civilized manner. Sometimes those closest to us do not want to really listen to what we are saying, because they think they know everything about us. Good luck and hang in there. You have all of us on your side and wishing you the best.

[durden]

I hope this doesn't seem like too much of a pile up as far as the text goes, but I'm gonna sorta run through my experience so far. I kinda get too detailed at times, so bear w/me... I'll try my best to skim. =] I had seen my gender therapist for about, I dunno, 3-4 sessions before we started talking about writing a letter to my family. Basically, I wrote each of my family members [I'm talking mom, dad, brother & sister only] a letter describing what I was going through. I wrote everyone the same bulk letter, & then attached personal letters to each. I'm trying to tell my story in the shortest way possible so no one gets bored from a long read, but to be honest, I sent my letters out last October [2006.] I got the initial confused/angry/pissed/disbelief/stunned phone call from my mother where she had hoped I'd change my mind. Where she hoped she could bully & reason w/me to change my mind. But you don't change your mind. Ever. And for that, it's the parents that take it the hardest of them all. They have dreams & perfectly implanted scenarios that they've been carrying in their heads since you were born. They think of the girl [& to talk this way still irritates me] that will collaborate w/them as far as talks of marriage goes. They want grandchildren [not always realizing that they can still have them, but they'll either be in the form of adoption, or a wife/girlfriend that's willing to snag a donor.] They eventually start to come around, but for everyone it's different. I've been rolling w/1 year and 2 months, & I still haven't seen my mother, brother or sister. I've seen my father. He was willing to step out on a limb & chill w/me for a while, but sadly, he's not the main voice of the family. My mom wears the pants. =] =[ My grandparents accept & love me fully, & w/they're acceptance/open-mindedness, I've been chilling w/them personally. I hang out w/them on the weekends, etc. etc. Taylor, as long as you have someone that's willing to be in your presence physically & open-mindedly, you are winning. & I hate to phrase it that way, cuz this shouldn't be a game or a type of scenario where you feel like you have to prove yourself. You don't have to prove yourself. You just keep moving forward w/your self-scribbled plans, & hopefully for everyone else's sake, they'll jump on board & support you better than ever. Just remember one thing, if no one wants to creep from the shadows & enjoy everything that is you & your life, well, they don't deserve the privilege of being part of it. It's a hard thing to throw out there, but I swear, it's everyone elses loss if they're not willing to jump aboard & become part of your life. Luckily, I have my grandparents, & I have a dad that's willing to be there as long as he doesn't upset my mother. But the truth is, my mother will talk to me on the phone, & she's warming up to more. She's just afraid. You have to remember that most people aren't strong & solid enough to tackle their fears. And w/that said, I think it's hardest on our mothers. & I guess I'm still a lenient believer, but I think that in the long run, my mom is coming around. She tries... & effort, even if it's at a snail's pace, is better than nothing at all. But don't me wrong, I've been pissed aplenty, & felt slighted/unloved like the best of them. But what I've learned through all of this, is that as much as it sucks, we have to be the ever constant brave/bigger one. As long as we keep trying [even if our family isn't responding positively or as quickly as we'd like them to] they'll eventually come around. Especially if your family was a close-knit one to begin with. Just keep at them. Don't overwhelm or give them ultimatums. Just explain & become elaborate if they want you to, or take the back seat if they're struggling & asking you to. No one knows you like your family, man. Don't give up on them. Even if you're feeling a full 100% like they've given up on you, don't give up on them. Keep hanging in there, dude.



Not you guys, ever. You all are in the same boat as I am and you are so happy for me. My family and friends were okay when I came out as trans. I mean some of them are weren't but the majority of them were. I guess they thought I was going to take it no further other than the haircut, packing and binding. Oh, and changing my name. But when I told everyone I intend to go on T the shit hit the fan. Of the handful of people in my family that I have, most of them are upset about the whole T thing. Why is that? It hurts and I can't understand. Have any of you guys or girls for that matter had family freak out when you told them your intentions to start taking hormones? Will they eventually come around do you think? I am hoping that this news is just a shcok to them because they know of the physical changes that will take place. And everone was okay with calling me Taylor since they knew my birth name was Michelle and they felt I would never change it. But obviously I want to change it and I have wanted to change it for a long time. And after starting T I will HAVE to change it. Can you imagine getting pulled over by a cop or carded in a bar and people seeing Michelle as my name? My deep voice and facial hair would make the cop or whatever think my liscence was fake. I don't get people. I just think they were thinking deep down inside that this was something that I would eventually "grow out of" Like a phase or something. Going on T is really making them face reality that I am serious. So what do you guys think? Have you run into the same types of things along your journey? What do I do? I won't dump any of my family or friends but I think some of them may dump me. What a shitty way to feel right now. I was so happy yesterday. And now I am so sad. But I know that no matter what happens with the ones I love I will still be going on T and I will still be changing my name whatever they choose to do. And I would love to have them by my side. But if they won't be....well, I'm sorry but I have to be me and they are not the ones who live in this body. I was born with a birth defect and I am going to change it. Simple as that. I know I am rambling so I will go for now. Please guys, lift me up or tell me your expeciences with family and friends when you decided to come out to them about starting hormone treatments. Thanks for listening, Taylor Allen Jon Anstrom <---I do so love the sound of my name. haha

[MJ]

I am very sorry to hear this, but I do know how it feels. the same thing happened to me . i guess in my family's eye dressing has a girl if just fine with them , but when i told them i started hormones it was like the end of the world or something .. if they ever come around that would be great but i doubt that very much ... don't you find it funny ...if i went back to being "Paul" they would forgive me and go on with life as nothing ever happened ..
i wish you well don't give up on your dreams Taylor

[ZenFrost]

Time can be a good convincer. They've gotten a lot more accepting of my hopes to transition then they were at first. But it still feels like there's a long way to go to get full acceptance.

[Taylor105]

This is a copy and paste from my personal website at taylor.anstrom.com I applaud anyone who can get through this novel I have written....lol....There is actually a lot of good stuff in this. I can't believe this miracle! It's like it happened overnight!!!


I have long thought about this and all I had left to do was tell my family of my plans. First I outed myself as a trans person to them. I was accepted by 99% of the family. Everyone with the exception of my sister is calling me Taylor now. My 12 year old niece was told today that Aunt Shelly is eventually going to turn into Uncle Taylor. She shocked everyone by saying that she thought it was really cool! haha My sister had said she wasn't going to tell the kids anything. My sister is in denial right now. But eventually the kids are going to hear my voice go down! Every time my mother calls me she ends the call with "I love you Taylor". You all have no idea how much this means to me. This woman gave birth to me. She chose my name. And even though she is grieving the "death of Shelly" she is happy for me. UR said the same thing. That people are mourning the loss of Shelly. And I have felt like I would meet people where they were.

I would not and will not force people to see things the exact way I do right now. I have been struggling with this gender thing my entire life. I can't expect to come in and have people meet me on my level right away. It isn't logical. When I first told my mother and asked her if she wanted me to get her any reading material to help her understand this she vehemently said no. This was the day I came out to her. Of course she lives in the other side of the country so I had to come out to her over the phone. But she said anything she needed to learn she could learn from me. I was okay with that.

Well, I have decided it is time for me to go further into my transition. I want to pass 100% as a male. I have decided that I want to go on testosterone. There is a long process involved in getting on "T". First you have to have a letter from a doctor who declares you sane enough to know what you are doing. That it isn't something you will change your mind about. Because once I go on T there is no turning back. I can't wait!! So I finally got the courage to come out as trans to my doc and explained my need for him to write that letter. I was so surprised that he was on the same page as I was. He said he has never had a patient who sems more sure of something in all the time he has been a doc. He said that he could see that this was something that I have been doing a lot of research on and I know the ins and outs. That he saw that I was serious and wanted to move forward with my life from the point I am at right now.

There is no going further without a piece of paper from a doc saying I am sane. He told me he would have no problem helping me along my journey. That he is going to help me find an endocrinologist who specializes in treating trans people. Because T is a male hormone I will need to be regulated by an "endo" and go through periodic bloodwork to make sure everything is okay medically down the line. One of the first steps to getting on T is living full time as a male for a year. I have been living as a male for more than a year now. It hasn't been documented but my doc said he believed me and it wouldn't play a factor into his writing his recommendation letter. I have several people who can attest that I have been living as a male for a long time now. I was out as a man in Texas for a long time. Everyone in my life has been calling me Taylor for years. Except my family because I was so afraid to come out to them. You can always get new friends but you can't get new family members.

I only wish I wasn't such a prisoner to my fears. I would have done this a long time ago. I will be then taught how to inject my own testosterone by the endo's nursing staff. I will need a shot every week for the rest of my life. It will basically make me go through puberty. But as a male this time. So I am going to go through puberty as a 34 year old. hehe My voice will start to lower and within the first couple of years on T it will get to the ultimate level that it will get to. I am hoping for a voice like my brother. He has a deep voice. You also start growing facial hair. I am a guy who likes his smooth skin so I will be shaving that stuff off!! The main thing about the T that I want and need is the deep voice. I need to pass in public. I already know I'm a guy and I am comfortable with myself in knowing it. But I want to be seen as a guy by others. I don't want to be looked at like a butch lesbian. Because I am not a lesbian. I pass sometimes but as soon as I open my mouth and speak people know I am not a genetic male. It sucks.

I was thinking I want to get out of this apartment and maybe go to school or get a job. I am wasting my life sitting here doing nothing and I think I have a lot I can contribute to society. Hell, I will need to work at a decent paying job to be able to afford all of my endo and T stuff. None of that is covered by any type of insurance because it is not seen as medically neccessary. So it will all be paid out of pocket. After things get going and you have learned how to self inject, your T vials come in the mail. And you pick up your needles at the pharmacy. I have heard that a months supply of T is about $50. I'm not sure on the needles. But anyway, this is not going to be cheap. It sucks that I have to pay money for something I feel I was robbed of being born into this body. But I guess I will appreciate my life even more because I have to work for it. lol One of the things that I have always loved is anything pharmaceutical. I would love to work as a pharmacy tech as I am going to community college. I don't know if I could pass the SAT to get into Auburn University which is right here in my town. It is a nationally accredited university that is so awesome! I get awed just going to their library. haha My mother and I were talking on the phone today and she said there are books you can get to study for your SAT. Pathetically enough I didn't know that. But even then I could never ever afford such a college.

I don't really know what I want to be yet or what my specific goals are but I know that I don't want to participate in a world where I am seen as a butch and where I am afraid to use the men's restroom for fear of getting beat up!! There has actually been a time where I got kicked out of the men's and then the women's room in like thirty seconds. So I had to hold it until I got home. I hate moments like those. Where you are treated as an "it". So this is the next step on my journey. I think I will look good in my shirt and tie under my pharmacy white coat. Don't you guys think?

Anyway, another of my obstacles has been telling my family that I am going to have my name legally changed and that I want to go on T. I told UR because I always tell him everything first. hehe I was afraid to tell my mother but I told her today. She surprised me by being so supportive. She said "once you told me you wanted to be called Taylor and seen as a male I knew it was only a matter of time before you told me you wanted this". lol But she is being so cool about it. The legal name change is going to be one, because I really want it and two, because with my voice lowered and my passing as a male can you imagine what would happen if I got pulled over or carded or something with a license that says my name is Michelle? LOL They would think it was fake. So now that my family knows of my intentions to go on T it is time to take the next step. I need to save the money to pay for the endo.

It may be a very long time before I get to begin my new life. But it just feels so good to have family and friends on my side as I go walk down the path of this long journey. Oh and my mother said to me on the phone today that she is now ready to read some books. lol So I guess I will need to seriously look into books for people who are significant others of trans folks. I know there are books out there. I just wanted to let you all know about what is going on with me right now. I hope you guys are as happy for me as my UR and my mother are. Love always, Taylor Allen Jon Anstrom

ps. My mother told me she was happy I chose Allen, UR. When I told her it was your middle name she said that she had so much respect for you for always takng care of me and being on my side. She said it was only fitting for me to choose the name Allen. And then when I told her it was Craig's middle name too she said that name was meant to be mine too because you and Craig have been the only two men in my life who have always been there for me. Wasn't that sweet of her? She isn't too keen on how I am spelling Jon but she'll get over it. haha

pss....if any of you have any questions of any kind I welcome them. Please ask away.


I just thought of something else I wanted to add. When I start taking T my muscle tone is going to turn to that of a male. I will want to get a gym membership so I can work out my muscles and get them as masculine as I can. I want a six pack. I have always admired good abs on guys. Not because I thought it was sexy but because I wanted them too!!! I was so jealous. haha Now I can achieve it once I start T. I know people are going to expect me to get back into the martial arts and I want to. But I have decided that I want to try something other than taekwondo. Somewhere I can start with my true name...and all of my certification as a martial arts instructor is in the name of Shelly Anstrom. Even my belt is embroidered with that name. So I will start somewhere new from scratch. Besides, I already have a second degree black belt in taekwondo. It would be awesome to achieve a black belt in another type of martial art. But I want to start with the gym. I want to get my muscles all toned before I go back the martial arts. I am sure I will make some friends at the gym. They will be my first friends who know me only as a guy. I am doing a little happy dance even sitting here thinking about it. hehe

[Tamara Croft]

Wow, what a post!! I am so glad you are finally on your journey to becoming what you should have been :hugs: It's also great to read your mum is finally coming around to the idea, parents should be supportive of their children, it's their life not their parents.. and sad to say, but parents aren't going to be here forever... they should make the most of whatever their children choose to do, I know if any of mine chose a path such as this, I'd be behind them 100% of the way.

[Siobhan Marie]

Taylor, I want to wish you from the very best for your journey and for your continuing to the real you hun. I know what it's like to have your folks do what yours did to you and it very nearly drove us apart. The rest of the family know and are cool with me doing what I need to do and are with me all the way.

I'm with you all the way, if you ever need someone to talk to, you can PM or email me anytime hun, I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere.

:hugs: Siobhán x