son crossdressing [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

Paulacder

12-13-2007, 06:20 AM

If you are a crossdresser than you must know what your son is going through. By telling him he cannot dress for what ever reason, friends, family, or for the feer of being ridaculed will just cause him to sneek around and dress in a partial way when he is alone. If he was honest enough to come to you and ask for permission to dress then you should be honest enough with him, don't give him excuses why he cant dress. My suggestion is to allow him to dress in the privacy of your home, by doing this maby his urges will go away however they may not. I would take it one step at a time with him. But whatever you do continue being a loving father and give him your support.:2c::2c::2c::2c::2c::2c::2c::2c::2c::2c::

jason

12-13-2007, 06:26 AM

would it be safe for a child to crossdress at disney world?

Wendy me

12-13-2007, 06:28 AM

are you talking abought you????? just a little confused by your question ..... how old are you???.......

jason

12-13-2007, 06:28 AM

I rather not have him feel guilty and sneak around. I rather have him be honest and open. I want him to be safe

I am talking about letting my son crossdress. I am in my 30s. my son is 12

Paulacder

12-13-2007, 06:38 AM

Jason, point out to him that most of the girls at Disney World would wear a Feminin Top, a cute pair of Shorts and a pair of Flip Flop Sandals, Suggest to him that he do the same, however if he wants to wear a dress allow him to explore his feelings openly.

vivianann

12-13-2007, 06:40 AM

by all means let him wear dresses, and if he wants to wear dresses while you all go to disneyland let him, he will appreciate you and you will be able to bond with him, he is young enough that he will pass as a girl.

jason

12-13-2007, 06:43 AM

should i let him do it for just one day or for all 7 days we are down there?

Brandy H

12-13-2007, 06:46 AM

Interesting question. Definately would have to talk it over with his mother so that you were both on the same page and not giving him conflicting perspectives, and of course makes a differance weather you are yourself a crossdresser. Honesty is always the easiest and safest way to deal with these things. Don't let him feel guilty about it. If it's okay with his mom I would agree with Paula, let him dress around the house and see how it goes.

vivianann

12-13-2007, 06:50 AM

I would let him do all 7 days if he wants to, but you should bring some of his male clothes along in case he decides to not wear a dress. and by all means keep a close watch on him while you are in disneyland so you can protect him.

jason

12-13-2007, 06:50 AM

My wife passed away a couple of years ago from cancer so It is myself and my 2 boys. so any help will be appreciated on how to do it. I am not a crossdresser myself but I am a concerned parent that wants best for their child

vivianann

12-13-2007, 06:54 AM

I am sorry about your wife passing on, she must have been a great woman.
I wish the best for you and your sons, sounds like you are a loving dad to your sons, keep up the good work on raising your children.

marykrissmithcd

12-13-2007, 06:55 AM

If he wants to dress let him but he should dress like the rest of the girls at Disney which would be shorts, t shirt and either sandals or walking shoes with anklets. Wearing a dress to the different theme parks during the day will definately draw attention and possibly being laughed at by other kids and some parents. If he wants to wear a dress, suggest taking him to a restrauant at night where other people are dressed, including you and your wife (assuming you are married). And don't forget the pantyhose.

Ann D Bluebird

12-13-2007, 07:00 AM

I have no experience of Disney World, nor of being a concerned parent. But my :2c: is that if he knows his own mind wants to experiment a playful enviromment like Disney World sounds a safe one to try. And if you feel both/all feel the first day goes ok why not let him choose whether to do it for the rest of the week (or not)??

jason

12-13-2007, 07:02 AM

I agree shorts and t shirts are the norm i expect. So I probably should get him some girls shirts and shorts. would his shoes be ok? My wife passed a couple of years ago so it is just myself and my 2 boys. so any advice be appreciated to make it safe.

thanks vivian . I will keep a close eye on him but what things should i do to prepare him for the vacation as a girl? what will we, him or I need to get think of or get used to? So we can make this safe

occdresser

12-13-2007, 07:17 AM

If my son told me that being a crossdresser I would honestly go buy him a new dress-he will love it, trust me!:thumbsup:

If he wants to wear a dress at disneyland-I strongly suggest that you also consider a wig, make-up and lipstick- I would not show up half dressed anywhere - for fear of what poeple think or do. You dont want to hear snide comments all day do you?

jason

12-13-2007, 07:25 AM

i want him to be safe and not be ridiculed. so i am looking for help from those who crossdress. So any tips or suggestions are welcome

Carol A

12-13-2007, 07:29 AM

Jason,
Kinda of hard to say what you should do but will tell you what my mother done for me when I was 14. She purchased me my own set of cloths so I would stop wearing hers and didn't bat an eye lash. Only thing was she made me stay inside and didn't let me go outside, now your son wants to go out in public I would let him try and just see what happens. :hugs:

EDNA

12-13-2007, 07:32 AM

If you are Crossdressing. Then it is okay for your Son to do so. Do not be two faced about Crossdressing. By saying or Thinking " It is okay for me to Crossdress, but it is not okay for you to Crossdress."

I know Fathers and Sons. That Crossdress and even go out together. They get along very good together.

Disney Land is a lot open these days, but it still is upto the people at the Front Gate. If they will allow you to go in. So please keep that in mind.

Wish you both the best and have a good life together.

Merry Christmas.
EDNA

jason

12-13-2007, 07:44 AM

sorry edna you must have missed the post where i clarified i am not a crossdresser myself. I am here to understand and help my son

lisa_e_love

12-13-2007, 07:51 AM

I would of course let him explore this new side of him. As a parent though, I'd be most concerned about how to help him do so in a way which will not earn him the ridicule and shame of his friends. Other boys his age have a level of tolerance and sophistication comparable to that of enraged chimpanzees. I would suggest supporting him as much as you can but being aware of the potential consequences of his friends knowing he dresses.

Joan Merrie

12-13-2007, 07:53 AM

Don't let him just ware a dress, as others have said light make-up, and wig, if his hiar isn't long enough for a fem look. also let him chose a fem name to use in plublic, you wouldn't want to out him by calling her George. Also what does his brother think of this?

jason

12-13-2007, 07:55 AM

exactly lisa i want to know a way i can help him without getting the ridicule. any suggestions and tips on how to do this? it will be appreciated

you are right calling him george if he is dressed as a girl would not be helpful at all. My other son has wondered if his brother was gay so he has been protective of him at school. I think my son would be fine maybe a little weirded out by his brother but should be ok

"Mary"

12-13-2007, 08:00 AM

Let's ask someone with first hand experience with this. I remember some really fun pictures from M.D. a few weeks ago.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=69496

Melissa dressed at Disney and wrote a bit about it.

I intend to PM Melissa to invite attention to this thread.

Diana

Dana921

12-13-2007, 08:02 AM

There is so much to learn and understand that the time you have before your trip may not be enough without getting some outside local type of help! Do you know any ladies you could trust to help you! Having a young girl dressing and fitting in will be far different than most of the age group here! Someone who knows what a 12 year old girl likes and the normal development clothing and styling done for that age group would be a huge help! Since many of us were never 12 year old girls or if they were it was many years ago it is hard to say how best to proceed! There may be some here that can really help because this forum is a vast resource and the GG's or folks with daughters will certainly have an inside track but to be able to witness first hand your son's facial expressions, feelings, likes and dislikes may take an in person type of setting! I would also consider letting him really talk about his feelings with you or maybe some type of councilor to see if this is a passing or more permanent behavior! Then you could better proceed from there! I think you are doing the right thing in asking! It shows you care!

Dana

jason

12-13-2007, 08:05 AM

thanks dana

SiobhanW

12-13-2007, 08:11 AM

I'm am very glad to see you are a dad that doesn't dismiss his kids out of hand. I wish I'd had a parent like you when I was that age, instead of parents that freaked out and forced me to see a shrink (not that it did any good).

There are risks for a boy doing this, not the least of which what his little friends are likely to think. I think the suggestion of having him do it in the privacy of home is a really good one. You also need to be aware of concerns from his brother, who could also get a bunch of static from his friends by association - "your brother's a queer", "do you want to be a girl too?", etc...

As for the vacation, how about having him (what we call) underdress? Where you allow him girls underwear under his regular clothes. Or perhaps steering him towards a more subtle androgynous look - girls t-shirts, jeans, tennis shoes, etc....

The one thing you'll see here about reading our stories is that most of us didn't just throw on a dress, heels, make-up and a wig and waltz out of the house saying "We're here, we're girls, get over it!". Many of us took baby steps that evolved into what we are today. I'm 46 years old and have never left the house fully dressed (yet).

Good luck, and please let us know how it works out for all of you.

Rebecca03038

12-13-2007, 08:11 AM

Jason, all I can say is be as supportive as you would want someone to support you in your lifestyle. I was basically ostracized by my father for being myself. He has already lost one parent sadly enough. Without your support, he may feel like he has lost both.

Rebecca

jason

12-13-2007, 08:18 AM

i think i dismissed the idea when he asked the first time because of the possibilities of his friends reactions. His brother has been protective and you are right he might get some flak from "his brother" doing this.

Haven't heard about underdress before. It might be a good compromise. even your androgynous idea may be a good compromise.

What would i need to get him for both ideas so i can present he compromise to him so he be happy and safe. I am trying to have a win win solution.

rebecca you are right i don't want him to feel he can't come to me with any of his problems. If i did not support him he would feel like he is losing or lost both parents. which is why i am trying to do my best to support and understand him

lisa_e_love

12-13-2007, 08:22 AM

You could have time when you let him go all out wig, makeup, everything when you know his brother won't be around. But it all comes down to what he wants - if he really wants to dress up all the way maybe try and accommodate that when you know he can enjoy it without fear of what others will think. But yeah, the underdressing and androgynous ideas are good as well.

Denielleinheels

12-13-2007, 08:25 AM

Jason, First of all I would like to say I am sorry for you for the loss of your wife. Secondly I would like to commend you for coming here for help instead of helping to keep prejudice alive. How do YOU really feel about it? Are you really ok with it? If you are then he is the luckiest child in the world. God Bless all 3 of you.

jason

12-13-2007, 08:30 AM

I am not sure how to feel about his dressing. I lack knowledge of what it is about that is why i am here asking questions. I live for my sons now that i have lost my wife. If i can make my sons life better then i know i did my job as a parent. Of courrse i didn't expect this but my son did mention he thought his little brother was gay. Turns out he is not gay but wants to dress as a girl. If he is happier dressed as a girl then i will support him. but his safety is first thing in my mind. i will always support my sons in things they do.

I do want to thank all you wonderul ladies on replying. I am surprised on how fast and the volume of the replies. I also like to thank you for all being helpful. please continue to reply or sugest. I will be on for a while then continue checking in through out the day

EDNA

12-13-2007, 08:37 AM

Sorry for the misunderstanding. So I let that stand. For those Fathers. That have a Crossdressing Son.

If you love your Son. As I am sure that you do. Stand behind him and believe in what he feels.

My parents were on my side and even helped me. When I started dressing as a girl.

EDNA

Lanore

12-13-2007, 08:42 AM

It seems your son has found a part of him most people hide until they get older. You have a very unique son. The world is a very cruel place that looks at someone on the outside rather than who they really are on the inside. The one thing which is very important is you are talking to him. Answer quetions which he can understand at his age. It sounds like you are a very good parent.

Lanore

jason

12-13-2007, 08:46 AM

thanks lanore. but i need to know the answers before i can answer him. I am new into this as i am not a crossdresser my self. yes my son is unique and i think that makes him special

JoanFlores

12-13-2007, 09:04 AM

A good idea is to ask him what he would like to wear. Is it only the outside clothing or does he want to have panties and bra? Sit down and ask him.

Gisele

12-13-2007, 09:17 AM

Jason,

First off you are a good father for wanting to know answers for your child. You did the right thing for coming to us for answers. You need to let him run the course and let him see what he wants. You need to keep up with him cause it will be a long haul for the both of you.

As for letting him dress as a girl on vacation I would let him do it. But I would take him out for some shopping. Try to steer him away from dresses for his first outing. There are a ton of cute clothes for girls out there. As in pants and tops. Let him pick out the underwear himself you may have to buy a couple of different sizes cause it will be hard for the both of you to try to figure out girl sizes for boys. Buy him a training bra for sure. Remember all other clothes can be returned if they don't fit and then try another size. This is unless he wants to try on the pants and tops in the fitting room. Oh and don't forget the shoes! LOL

Ok, I would also buy him a wig nothing too fancy. Many wig shops in you area do carry wigs for children. All you have to do is call ahead and explain you situation to the manager/owner. You will find out that this is NOT an unusual situation at all. As for make up I would hold off on that. Not many parents would let their 12 year old daughters wear make up any way. But times are changing and I see a lot of children running around with it on. So that would be your call.

Also let him pick out a girl name for himself.

Just keep his brother informed and let him help the both of you on the 12 year old's journey.

As for the vacation, Just keep a very close eye on him as you would any child. Do take his boy clothes as he may find out that he doesn't want to dress like a girl later. The feeling of dressing does come and go when younger. Just keep letting him know that he is doing nothing wrong by dressing as a girl. If he does keep it up later as he gets older things will get hard for him. Like girlfriends, school and the like. Let his school know about his actions before hand so they can make sure he is secure. I bet they don't want to be on the news or have lawsuits flying their way. Of course this is if he wants to dress as a girl full time.

As for the fear of him turning gay I wouldn't worry about it at all. I would say about 80% of crossdressers are straight and never had gay feelings. If he does have gay feelings later just support him and I know you would still love him no matter what.

I really hope the best for your family and I am very sorry to hear about your wife passing. I know all about cancer as I used to work in pathology for many years. I had to leave that field of work as it was so depressing.

If you need any info for your search for answers with your child I will do everything to help you find answers.:happy:

All my best, Beth

jason

12-13-2007, 09:17 AM

i am not sure if he is thinking of just the outside clothing or everything

Holly

12-13-2007, 09:23 AM

Jason, I've merged your two threads as the theme was the same for both of them. You have some serious thinking to do, especially if it will be just you and your boys on vacation. One thing that comes to mind is the restroom issue. If he is dressed and needs to go, what are you going to do? Sending him to the girls RR by himself cold be very risky. Sending him to the boys would not be a good choice. Does Disney have "family" style RR facilities? This is just one issue you need to sort out.

Mary Morgan

12-13-2007, 09:25 AM

Jason, you sound like a pretty wonderful parent. I too am the parent of two sons who lost their mother when they were teenagers, and I can appreciate the desire to nurture but protect your children. It is a tough job. If I might suggest, if you have a sister or a close female friend who you believe would be supportive and helpful, and whom your child would feel comfortable with, you might ask her to help you with buying age appropriate clothing and accessories. The appearances of twelve year old girls today covers a wide range of styles and looks, and the female touch would be a big asset.

In any case, I commend you for being the person you are. Whatever the outcome, your sons are both very fortunate to have you.

Jennifer in CO

12-13-2007, 09:28 AM

unless I missed it, is his hair long enough to do something "girly" with so he doesn't have to wear a wig? Not that that is a great big deal as many girls I have seen of late have shorter hair than I did 45 years ago. Depending on your money situation, you can have extensions weaved in ($100+) to make his hair longer for about the same price as a wig AND they can be removed when you return. If his hair is long enough, the day your leaving have him wear a padded bra under a t shirt (girls) and jeans to a salon (cost cutters, etc) and tell the stylist she's a tomboy but needs it to look nice for a trip to Disney this afternoon (or when ever your leaving - you catch the drift). Something that a pony tail will hide but when loose wont. That will help reinforce the girl in him while out and about. It also sounds like if he wants to wear a dress so that the punk look is not what he's looking for either. I agree with others that 90% of the girls you will see at Disney wont be in dresses but jeans and t shirts so along with the under-dressing he can be a she in probably 90% of the clothes he currently has after popping on a padded bra and doing something with his hair. The dresses you will see there will most likely be little girls dressed as their favorite Disney heroine AND you can get those in any Disney store before going down if that is what he'd like to do. Other than that, the occasional mini skirt or dress or the religious directed knee length or longer will be the scene. I'd say a chat with him about wearing a dress 7 days would get old and direct him to maybe one day in a mini if its warm enough, the heroine route, and the rest in jeans and "tinker Bell" and similar t shirts. You can buy him girls tennis shoes and jeans now that will pass as boys so your not out any wasted money if its not what he wants later.

Whatever he's wearing (other than t shirt/jeans) he should get used to before going out in public. The biggest thing is to get him a bra to wear around the house the week or two before you leave. Remind him he will need to wear it every moment he's awake. He will most likely have no fear about wearing anything else outside...lord knows I didn't.

A name. Did you and your wife ever discuss a girls name for him prior to his birth? Why not use it. Just remember, when you get home it may be just as difficult to switch back to "Jimmy" from "Suzie" when addressing him. Can you feminize his name now (If he's a Jess...then that can be short for Jessica...etc). Work with him as he may already have a name he likes as well.

All of this may be a result of his missing his Mom. Wearing girls clothes may be (to him) a way to feel closer to his mother so I commend you as a Dad for being open minded about your sons needs and desires.

Jenn

Denielleinheels

12-13-2007, 09:30 AM

I believe if you let him be and do his thing, he will definately be healthier for it in the long run. If he stops, it is a phase... if it doesn't he feels loved and accepted which is all any body really wants no matter who they are. How old is your oldest? If he is between 8 and 16everyone is gay.

I am not sure how to feel about his dressing. I lack knowledge of what it is about that is why i am here asking questions. I live for my sons now that i have lost my wife. If i can make my sons life better then i know i did my job as a parent. Of courrse i didn't expect this but my son did mention he thought his little brother was gay. Turns out he is not gay but wants to dress as a girl. If he is happier dressed as a girl then i will support him. but his safety is first thing in my mind. i will always support my sons in things they do.

Cristy.Cream

12-13-2007, 09:39 AM

Think I am going to be a bit conservative here.

Your son is 12. We all had feelings around the same age. Let him experiment but keep it behind closed doors and at home. The same as we all did. Remember were talking about coming out at the age of 12!

Let him mature a bit and pass puberty. Once he is 18 he is an adult and can make his own decisions if he wants to come out you can do it together

What’s the worst that could happen? You go to Disney and are both read by a civilian. Because crimes against children are a universal they notify security. Security escorts you out of the park but because a minor is involved and liabilities risks they call the police. Again because a minor is involved and liabilities risks, the popo call child services. You can extrapolate from here.

Lora Olivia

12-13-2007, 09:42 AM

Kudo's on being open to your child being in a gender confused state. There are so many things to consider with this trip. Doe's he have long hair that can be femininely styled. The potty ? comes to mind, if he is presenting as a 12 year old girl he must use a gender matching or neutral potty. I wouldn't think makeup would be that big a deal at her age, maybe a bit of pale blush and a little neutral shadow, but you have to think of who is going to apply this and can it be done convincingly. At 12 years old many girls have begun to develop in the chest so if you go through with this i would suggest at least a padded trainer, cotton panties, a cute matching short outfit with girls tennies and anklets...and if you decide on the whole trip thing you gonna have to multiply this out. I think before i would jump into this i would definately have to have a family talk or 10

:hugs:
Lora

goodluck

Lawren

12-13-2007, 10:08 AM

I have been to Disney World twice and it is my humble opinion that most of the people there are so focussed on having fun themselves that he would go virtually unnoticed. However there will be a few who would notice and comment, especially the young people he will be interacting with. How they react is always an individual matter. I would sit down and talk with him about the dangers of rejection, ridicule, and other peer pressures that he may encounter then let him make his own descision. I would also carry a change of boy clothes with me in the event that he wants to change and would not let him get too far away from my protection.
As for dressing at home, I would let him. That way he will be able to make a better judgement on whether he wants to do it outside the home. There is also the possibilty of getting him a dress or skirt and taking him out dressed to a town where he won't be seen by his friends and let him experience the feelings for himself. Again, that would enable him to make a more informed decision.
Ultimately it is up to you but at age 12 he should be learning to make decisions on his own. Now is the time to teach him to get the facts before he decides to do things.

KarenNY

12-13-2007, 10:39 AM

My mother did a similar thing by helping me out of the closet when I was 12, but I did not go out in public as Karen until I was 14. Being careful and keeping your child safe is a paramount concern. Also, you should determine if your child is a TS or a crossdresser -- it may not be easy to answer those questions at his age. My mother knew I was a crossdresser and that was as far as I wanted to go, even as a teenager, but I still had to be convincing and passable in public. If your child wants to truly transition into being a girl, then counseling is a must for the whole family.

SANDRA MICHELLE

12-13-2007, 10:42 AM

You sound like a wonderful father. My 2 cents would be to have a lenghty discussion with your son and see where he is on the spectrum of dysphoria. If your son feels like he should be a girl and he is trapped in the wrong body I would say you need to get him to a therapist sooner rather than later to explore what he is feeling. If he just feels like he wants to wear womans clothes than support him in it and guide him through the rough spots. If he does want to be a girl than you really need to look at that and see about what path he should take toward that goal. Of course you will not know unless you ask the questions.
I can say that if it were me in the same position I would go whatever way my son wanted to go and I would love him for showing me who he really is. I wish that I had the nerve to come out to my parents when I was 12, things would have been quite a bit different for me.
Good luck!

KandisTX

12-13-2007, 10:44 AM

Yes you should allow him to explore this aspect of himself; however there is a serious caveat here as well. At her young and confused age of 12, I would whole heartedly recommend that you allow this to only take place in the home. No, I am not trying to say that he should be kept locked up in the house, but at her age of just before and early stages of puberty, he is confused about what is happening physically to her body. While he may know in her heart and mind that he wants to dress like a girl, he does not yet fully understand the societal animosity that may be heading her way. We all wish that we had a father, or mother like yourself at that age who was willing to allow us to explore and expand on our desires, you are fortunate that you have a son who loves and respects you enough to come to you openly about her desires. He is lucky to have a father like you that is doing her best to understand and support him in her desires. Her brother being protective of him is also a great asset he can count on. Next, I recommend that you find some local support groups, maybe through the local PFLAG group, or contact the local TRI-ESS chapter or some other group in your area. (Not knowing where you are does make it more difficult to advise you on this part). Find a trusted female friend to help or talk to as well, this will also be an advantage when it comes to going shopping for girls/women’s clothing for getting her wardrobe started. You’ll notice that I keep using “her” when I am speaking of your son, that is what is desired, he may not want to be a girl, but if dressing up, the desire is to present as a female and therefore should be addressed as such. Allow her to choose a feminine name and whenever she is dressed, remember to address her by that name.

I have a twelve year old daughter myself, and trust me, make-up is a HUGE part of being a 12 year old girl. While we do not allow her to wear it all the time, we do allow her to wear it for special occasions, but she has to wear it tastefully and properly. It is not easy shopping for clothing for her either, as her tastes change from week to week so it is always best to have her with us so she can pick out what she likes, and that way there is no complaining because SHE chose the clothes.

If you do choose to allow her to go to Disney en femme, then I have two words of advice. BE SAFE. Do not overdo it, do allow her to dress as a girl, but not in a dress, I recommend casual clothes and shoes, she is going to do a LOT of walking there and high heels are not a girls best friend at that time.

Goddess bless and good luck.

Kandis :love:

JoAnnDallas

12-13-2007, 10:55 AM

My wife and I have been to all the Disney theam parks and over the years I have seen a few CDer at the theam parks. I do know that once or twice a year the GLBT community have a GLBT day at the parks. Not offically sponsered by Disney, but you see a lot of Pink/Blue ballons all over the park. LOL. So your son should not have a problem. One thing for him to remember is he should use the ladies restrooms, just so not to cause any problems or draw attention to his-self.

Julie York

12-13-2007, 11:34 AM

If the idea is to keep him safe then, regardless of your good intentions, you shouldn't allow him and yourself to be put in a position where you could BOTH be ridiculed, embarrassed or even worse.

Keeping him safe....means not putting him in that position of risk in the first place.

Your idea is only a good idea....IF YOU GET AWAY WITH IT.

What if you don't?

As someone posted above....."extrapolate from there".

Cai

12-13-2007, 11:50 AM

If he's anything like I was when I was 12, he thinks of himself as grown-up and able to make his own decisions. I'd agree with Lawren's advice to tell him all the positives and negatives of going dressed at Disney, and then let him decide.

As far as the police/Child Services getting involved, again, at 12 he probably feels old enough to decide things for himself. If there was an issue, all it would take would be him saying that he chose to dress that way, and they'd probably drop the matter. Crossdressing by choice is not considered child abuse, as far as I know.

Does he even want to go dressed to Disney? I've seen you ask if he should be allowed, but you never said if he asked you if he could, or if you just thought it might be a good opportunity.

Definitely sit down and have a talk with him. Find out how far he wants to go, whether he just wants to crossdress or if he actually feels like a girl.

12-13-2007, 11:56 AM

wow what can i say you are a great dad .. my questions are could your son pass as a girl ? does he have long hair ? and his build ?
if you are going to let your son dress as a girl then it might be a good idea for you to see what other girls his age are wearing and go to a thrift store and fine something like it ..
example most 12 year olds were white or pink runners , jeans and tee- shirts and a training bra ... now the problem is how long is his hair .. is a wig needed does your son wear studs in his ears ( i bet he would love pierced ears ) for xmas ..
should you chose to do this i wish you all the very best please let us know how it turns out thank you

as a dad with 3 girls and 1 son i wish you all the best ..

jennifer41356

12-13-2007, 12:48 PM

I think at 12 he probably will look like a girl and if he wants to be a girl let him..maybe bring some shorts and a top just in case he realizes he doesnt want to go out in a dress, As long as he knows you are there for him , he will have the time of his life

Jilmac

12-13-2007, 12:52 PM

Hi Jason, it's time for me to add my:2c: I'm 62 and have been dressing secretly since I was 15. I never had the courage to ask my parents and siblings, or come out to my friends. Your son has demonstrated a great deal of courage and maturity by confiding in you. And you are demonstrating your own courage in supporting him. I think a theme park such as Disney world is a great place for him to "come out". I believe it will be a good learning expreience for him, you , and his brother.:happy: I know you are getting many suggestions and input from members of this forum and I believe you have come to the right place to get honest responses. It is certainly a good feeling to know that a dad can have such unconditional love that he would seek out information from the very people your son wants to be a part of.

You said your son is 12 and at that age it is fairly easy for a boy to pass as a girl, as long as it's done right. One suggestion I have is to have a female accompany you and your son to stores to pick out clothes that will make him appear feminine, but will also blend in with all the other pre teen girls who will be there as well. If he was my son I would buy enough clothes for the whole vacation starting with undrewear, panties, training bra, etc. then an assortment of girls shorts and tops, and some skirts and dresses. also he should have some light makeup and learn how to apply it. He should never be overdressed or garish, that will only draw attention and perhaps ridecule.

As suggested in some of the other replys, a femme name would be appropriate, especially in a public place such as Disney World. You and his brother should call him/her by that name in public to avoid confusion, and not be singled out by those who are less understanding. One hint of caution though, be aware of child predators! you certainly wouldn't want a wonderful experience for your son/daughter to become a tragedy. You truly seem to be a loving, caring and compassionate dad and i hope your trip is a joyus occasion for all concerned. PS you didn't mention if your other son is supportive. I hope he can be as willing to accept his sibling as a sister as your willingness to accept him/her as a daughter. Please let us all know how your trip went, I'm sure there will be many more praises from other members of this forum. Many hugs:hugs: Jill

Paige.

12-13-2007, 01:05 PM

Jason,

I think you have some deeper issues to discuss with your son. I am sorry to hear your that your wife died of cancer. Not only was that a tradgedy for you, but both your sons lost their mother. Perhaps the root cause of your son's behavior and desire to dress as a girl is related to the death of his mother.

You don't say whether or not his personality or mood changed but in his asking if he can dress, I hear him asking for something feminine in his life. He was at a very critical and impressionable age when he lost his mom and no matter how stoic he is, he must miss her very much. (Big boys don't cry syndrome). He still needs to be hugged and touched and loved by a woman, preferably his mother.

Single parenting is difficult at the best of times but I assume he doesn't have a male/female, mother/father balance in his world at home. I also assume he is currently living in an all male environment doing thing guys do. Unless you have re-married or have a close relationship with a g/f, he is starving for something soft and feminine in his life and like many CD's he is looking to find that missing feminine part within himself. Crossdresing may be the manifestation of that search.

Perhaps some of the CD's can express this better than I can.

I know your initial post asked for advice on how you can make a safe vacation for you son. I didn't address that issue but you have received some good advice here about helping him. Your son is fortunate to have a father that he can be so open with. You have a pivotal role helping him find a balance in his life.

KayHenderson

12-13-2007, 01:15 PM

I live in Orlando, and it is my impression that the key to crossdressing at Disney World is to dress appropriately. It's as simple as that.

If the other visitors don't notice and make trouble, the staff couldn't care less. And the other visitors won't be paying much attention to anything except having their own fun.

The annual "Gay Days" is a big event for them. They're quite GLBT-friendly.

AmandaM

12-13-2007, 01:18 PM

Paige is dead on here. Does he want to cause he misses his mom? Also, where are you located? Is there a Cding org nearby? Is there a female friend, etc. that can help? I think it would be best for him to dress at home if he wants to dress. Home should be his safe place. He could do it in the privacy of his room. Also, as far as underdressing goes, a woman could shop easier for him, and get him some unfrilly underwear, etc. so if they are seen he's not outed.

Julie York

12-13-2007, 01:24 PM

Perhaps the root cause of your son's behavior and desire to dress as a girl is related to the death of his mother.

That's absolute rubbish! Don't confuse the poor guy. The kid might need a hug from a woman (don't we all), but that has nothing AT ALL all to do with gender issues and wishing to dress as a girl.

You should stop reading out of date books by Freud!

:mad::Angry3:

Stephenie S

12-13-2007, 01:42 PM

If he wants to wear a dress at disneyland-I strongly suggest that you also consider a wig, make-up and lipstick- I would not show up half dressed anywhere - for fear of what poeple think or do. You dont want to hear snide comments all day do you?

My God, no. Would your 12 year old daughter wear a wig and makeup at DW? A 12 YO at DW would wear shorts or jeans, sneaks or flip-flops, cute top, hoody?, that's all.

Ask HIM what he wants to wear.

Lovies, Stephenie

DonnaT

12-13-2007, 01:45 PM

OK, first, a wig is not a good idea for a trip to Disney. I could easily fly off on a ride, or get yanked off accidentally by a passerby. If his hair isn't long enough to pass for a girls, then I would suggest not dressing in the park.

If he needs a wig, get a human hair wig. Then limit his dressing to simple activities, like shopping or eating out.

Second, the three of you need to get comfortable with your son's dressing up before going out in public.

Note that he should be able to safely dress at home without worrying about friends finding out, as long as neither son have friends who just pop in without knocking first.

If he has friends that come over occasionally, then he'll need to store his fem clothes somewhere besides his bedroom.

He'll need to get in the habit of sitting every time he uses the toilet.

When you feel the time is right, make a few trips out in public in a city not too near you. Like to a shopping mall where you won't run into anyone you know. This includes eating out. And using the ladies room.

If he wants to wear a skirt, he's going to need to learn how to sit appropriately in a skirt. Preferably a jean skirt that won't fly up in the wind.

He'll need to wear a trainging bra and tight panties. The tight panties are to keep little willy hidden. A little bulge in a skirt, shorts or jeans is a dead givaway.

Then there is the issue of body hair. At 12 I assume it's not much, but if he's hairier than an average 12 yr old girl, he's also going to need to be comfortable with shaved legs and arms.

Girls his age do not normally wear pantyhose. Especially when dressed in casual clothes.

Take a trip with him to a mall and sit on a bench and watch the girls go by. See how they dress, walk, what they carry, etc.

You'll all need to get use to using a female name and pronouns.

Now, once everyone is use to this side of your son, a trip to Disney should be no problem for the most part. There are transgendered children who go. The park is LGBT friendly. No one is going to call child services. If your son is transgendered then how you deal with it as a parent is your choice and right.

Note, if he's allowed to dress quite often at home, then he may not feel the need to go out in public or to Disney dressed enfemme.

Check out this link:
http://www.dcchildrens.com/dcchildrens/about/subclinical/subneuroscience/subgender/guide.aspx

glossy

12-13-2007, 01:52 PM

I think you need to help the boy since it will be more than a dress that he needs to express his feminine side. I think you have to think in terms of panties and maybe a training bra. You can buy these for him online so you'll not be too embarrassed in a store. But my experience is that salespeople generally are quite open and understanding. If you took him to a store lingerie department, the sales girl will point you and him in the right direction concerning the size of panties and the kind of material that he will find appealing. Ditto for the bra. You might also want to buy him some nighties. I like the notion that you should help him discover his cross-dressing in the safety of his own home. There he and you can discover the most approipriate way to express his femininity.

kiran kunder

12-13-2007, 02:09 PM

I have a son who is 12 and he has asked me about wanting to dress as a girl last summer. I kind of shrugged it off telling him that if he did it around the house his friends might pick on him. He said nothing more until I told the family we will be taking a vacation to disney world for christmas break. He then asked me again if he can crossdress again. Being arocund his friends won't be an issue this time. How or what can I do to make this a safe vacation for my son?

let him allow to try it atleast one to satisfy his desire. he may get over it

Brianna Lovely

12-13-2007, 02:19 PM

There have been many good suggestions posted by the other girls, so I'm going to keep my reply brief.

First, I would consider what other girls your son's age are wearing. Then I would ask him/her, what he'd like to wear to Disney. Panties a training bra, pretty shorts and a cute top sounds about right to me.

If your child wishes to wear a dress or skirt, I would give that some serious thought. However, in the last year, there's been at least four news stories, where young teen boys have gone to school dressed as girls. Some wore dresses, some skirts and some did the whole thing, wig, makeup, fully fem.
In each case the courts have ruled that the schools had to let them wear fem clothes if they wanted to.

So times have changed.

Talk to your child and do the best you can, to help him/her be the wonderful person inside.

Emily Ann Brown

12-13-2007, 02:29 PM

I have thought my input is not needed , then yeah it is, then no again........

I haven't seen anyone mention a compromise which is if you are driving to Disney then use the drive time to let your son try out being a girl. It's public and yet protected. Bathrooms are a snap...with male plumbing if the restrooms along the way are crowded use a container in the car and discretely empty somewhere. Food can be drive thru or pick an empty restaurant where you get the food and take it to the table.

A wig in Disney is a nono on the rides...and kids love rides. If there is time enough let your sons hair grow and then ask a beautician to style it fem if it still is short. Makeup at 12 probably isn't needed, but a training bra is SOP.

Don't pick a female name for your son...ASK HIM who he is as a girl. I'd bet he already has an idea.

Which brings me to the last issue. If he has been asking you earlier about being dressed female he may well have a true gender issue. Have you sat him down and asked him why this is of interest to him? You should. And be prepared for an answer you really don't want possibly. And be ready to share that information with his brother after you ask if he minds. Things will be a lot let stressful if your whole family knows what the whole picture is.

Gosh I wish you had been my father.

Emily Ann

jason

12-13-2007, 03:13 PM

wow i was gone for a few hours and what a response from you all. truly amazing. thank you for all and every input that i have recieved or get . i will keep you posted on what we do and how things go. i am sure i will write back to some of you if not most of you. have a great day all.

Paige.

12-13-2007, 03:19 PM

That's absolute rubbish! Don't confuse the poor guy. The kid might need a hug from a woman (don't we all), but that has nothing AT ALL all to do with gender issues and wishing to dress as a girl.

You should stop reading out of date books by Freud!

:mad::Angry3:

Julie,

My post was specifically addressed to Jason, not to you or the boy. However, you do have every right to agree or disagree with any comment I make on a public forum. But my post was for Jason not you, and he can take my comment and consider it in any way he chooses. He can even retort in a knee jerk reaction like yours and I won't mind.

I have no way of knowing what is going on in his life and with his children and neither do you. I said something that he may not have considered before whether you like it or not.

I don't care one way or the other if you like the out of date books I read. I did ask if any CD might express it better than I could and I guess you answered the call with your wonderful support and erudite explanation.

With "rubbish" comments like yours it is no wonder I seldom post in this section.

RobertaFermina

12-13-2007, 03:23 PM

His best protection is you remaining at his side.

At the park, NEVER let him be isolated from you.

Adults and children will be reasonably inbhibited from hassling him, if you are closely attached.

If he chooses to wander from you, make sure he has to do it with your permission and observation. That way, whatever happens, he knows he chose it, and you were close enough to keep him from greater harm (ridicule, etc.)

If he is ridiculed a bit while you are out there, it is not a bad thing, so long as he is not isolated and deeply ridiculed or bullied. He will learn the price of the Gift. That should help him decide about how to treat it, and whether to accept it.

:hugs:

:rose: Roberta :rose:

Kate Simmons

12-13-2007, 03:38 PM

Sorry Jason. I would never presume to advise anyone in this way. That is a personal decision you have to make. You do, after all, know your Son better than anyone else.

Nicole Erin

12-13-2007, 03:41 PM

Julie York

12-13-2007, 03:42 PM

Julie,

My post was specifically addressed to Jason, not to you or the boy.

I know. That's what I found so horrifying.

thatgirl

12-13-2007, 04:46 PM

Hi Jason, i would say as a young tg/cd myself, let your son dress as he wish. take him to the store let him pick out what he wants to wear. i advise you have someone genetic female to go with you two so she can help. you want him to blend in with the norm and not stick out. also like someone elas said bring some of his boy clothes incase want to wear them. if his hair is short i sugest a wig that fit him best to look normal as a girl. really dont need make much make up on. a trip to disney world will be a blast. not many people will be looking at him different or really paying attention at all, of coures their parent are as well looking after their own kids so they dont lose them. sorry about your wife, your doing a great job as a father to support your son. and have fun a Disney world.:happy:

Marissa^^

12-13-2007, 05:08 PM

Jason,
You have a tremendous amount of feedback from everyone so please let me add just a few more comments. I know you will do whatever is necessary to keep your son safe but the most difficult will be dealing with the bathroom issue. A family bathroom is ideal but may not be possible so what bathroom will he be using if he goes as a girl.

As for dress I agree with the bra, panties, t-shirt and jeans or shorts. That is what girls wear there but also for a special treat you might want to consider a denim skirt. Those are also popular for girls. Makeup should be very light and maybe a light shade of lipstick. Good luck and please let us know what happens and how things went.

Genifer Teal

12-13-2007, 05:48 PM

I have to jump in here.

I am focused on the fact that he is ONLY 12. In my opinion, makeup is not necessary at such a young age. Besides, who will apply it? If you want to give him a feel for make up, how about lip gloss? Something no too obvious would be forgiving of mistakes. Some even taste like candy.

As for choice of clothes, keep it simple and similar to what other girls his age will wear. Let him pick out the clothes if possible. Be there to steer him in the right direction. I don't think a dress is appropriate. You might need to point that out to him if he leans in that direction.

As for what to wear underneath, I don't think a bra is necessary. I wouldn't even suggest one or panties. See what he says. We here all know what we like. This is about your son. Let him guide you, as you guide him. He has already said he wants to dress on vacation, so that is your starting point.

I agree with several girls who mentioned the safety hazzard of a wig. See what he says first. I don't feel he needs one at that age. I am also afraid it might hurt more than help his look. He is only 12 so he won't need much. Keep it simple and don't suggest anything he doesn't ask for. Enlist the help of a female friend if at all possible.

As for the mental side of this, be prepared to explore that in the future. For now, see where he wants to go with this. Keep doing your own research so you will be prepared for his questions as they come. Many of us only came out later in life because we didn't have the internet which gave us the knowledge we now have. I thought I was the only one who felt this way till I was in my mid 20's.

Keep up the good work. You are a great dad for going to all this trouble for your son.

Gen

DonnaT

12-13-2007, 06:35 PM

A class in self defense, martial arts would be a good idea too. In the long run. His brother can't always be there to protect him.

Melissa Davis

12-13-2007, 06:51 PM

I have been asked to reply to this thread (in PM) so I give my :2c:

I'm not offering any advise on what to do about your 12 year old son. However, since I have been to disneyland dressed I can offer this:

Disneyland is probably one of the easiest public places to go dressed. I say this because everyone is so distracted by all the attractions, they probably would give little thought to a girl that kind of looks like a boy. The one thing that my wife told me that helped me was "look around at everything... you're at Disneyland! That's what everyone else is doing." This is oppsed to watching everyone wondering if they can tell that you are a CD.

As far as wigs and rides... yeah, they don't mix. I went to Six Flags on an LGBT night and rode all the rides dressed. I put my hood over my wig on everyride. Honestly I looked terreble afterwords. Like a hurricane victum... lol. So my advise is to go dressed on a day that you won't ride crazy rides. There are MANY attractions that won't mess up your hair. Honestly, there are only a handful that will. You can go in drab one day and do all the crazy rides and then the rest of the time you can dress up and do all the other fun stuff. Tons of great photo ops.

As far as this crap about 12 year old crossdressers and chilp protective services... being riddiculed... being stopped at the gate at DW... People - PLEASE... Stop being so parranoid and come back to reality. If you are only going to believe what you hear on the news (yes there are occasional stories of bad things that happen to TG's) then stay home. Don't eat food because it's all bad and don't drive your car because you will get into an accident.

I have seen so many 11-12-13 yearolds and even older teens that I had no idea if they were a boy or girl. That's the way a lot of them dress and groom their hair now adays. I had one teen come to our house with their parents (they were buying a dog from us) and the entire time they were there, I had no idea what gender they were. They were their for 30 minutes. Everytime I would think one way or the other, they would move their hair or sholders and I would have no clue. OMG Call Child Services! I Can't tell! please....

SiobhanW

12-13-2007, 06:57 PM

Tell the boy....anyone who questions how he's dressed he should just reply 'It's Emo" :heehee::

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=72376

Lizzie Kay

12-13-2007, 07:19 PM

Dear Jason,

Having been to Disney Land, and Disney World in December, a T-shirt and shorts stand a very good probability of not being comfortable. Certainly not in Disney Land, and if you have 60 to70 degree days and 50 to 60 degree nights in Orlando... just a t-shirt and shorts are going to be a hamper in your time in the park.
I know for myself, and I dare say, I would say it is true of most other of my sisters here is that they took "baby steps" in venturing into the real world acting and dressing as en femme.
I would suggest you take a second look as to the why you are taking your family to Disney World. Seven days is a lot of time, you'll get a chance to see most of both parks, and I dare say even some time to travel to Cape Canaveral to NASA.
I also want to add that out of the five things that can affect or change one's personality, the death of a spouse and the death of a parent are life changing experiences.
Sounds to me like you are a very understanding father, albeit one that might be trying to assuage the grief you all have incurredd with Mom and your wife's death.
I percieve the Christmas Time trip to Disney as a time for you all to be together, share time together, and I can't imagine the trip progressing with you all talking about Mom during your time there. Personally, I think you all have your hands full dealing with just that.
Lots of good stuff for two boys and their Dad to experience and enjoy!
To me, taking my children on a trip like that during Christmas time would have certainly become a cherished scrap book of wonderful memories for your boys and yourself to enjoy and talk about for years to come, and possiblyl share those experiences with the new people that may venture into your family.
What I'm trying to say here, is that there is going to be so much excitement, things to do, things to enjoy and build memories on, that I think trying to add onto that with a 12 year old boy's desire to dress be there might be a downer of an otherwise very positive family experience...
AND... What does his brother think about all of this? Where's he at? How does he feel about it? What would he prefer????

Other questions

Does his other brother know about his dressing wishes?

If he does, how does he feel about it?

Have you considered the future and having one of the boys ask if it is ok for them to do something more "eccentric" at a future time?

Has he envisioned himself as being a girl in Disney World for a full day,and possibly evening??

My experience shows that if one child gets a special consideration, you ought to be prepared to provide a similar, if not a more competitive consideration from the other in the future.

JASON - My bottom line is for you to sit down with both boys and explain the reason you are taking them to Disney World. I am assuming that that is for Family time and Dad and boy bonding together.

I would also personally make a commitment to your 12 year old to help him explore his dressing preference, by taking him dressed to an early evening movie, lunch, dinner, afternoon in the park, heck maybe even going to a pool!
Let it be a little step, and one that is short in duration... I think for a 12 year old that would still provide a lot of things to process for later...

I think that would be a very appropriate step to take, as opposed to having all the excitement and stress built into assisting a 12 year old boy,commiting to letting him go into a place like Disney World dressed like a girl for a day,or so...

Well. Those are my two cents Jason! Merry Christmas to you and your family!!!

Best wishes...

Liz

jennifer41356

12-13-2007, 07:25 PM

Julie,

My post was specifically addressed to Jason, not to you or the boy. However, you do have every right to agree or disagree with any comment I make on a public forum. But my post was for Jason not you, and he can take my comment and consider it in any way he chooses. He can even retort in a knee jerk reaction like yours and I won't mind.

I have no way of knowing what is going on in his life and with his children and neither do you. I said something that he may not have considered before whether you like it or not.

I don't care one way or the other if you like the out of date books I read. I did ask if any CD might express it better than I could and I guess you answered the call with your wonderful support and erudite explanation.

With "rubbish" comments like yours it is no wonder I seldom post in this section.

Paige
I agree with as well, it was a bit uncalled for her to dis you like that. Its nice to have your perspective here and if someone disagrees thats fine,but there is a right way to do it

AllyM

12-13-2007, 07:28 PM

Jason, I really have nothing more to add that has not already been said. I do want to extend our condolences to you and your son for you wife. I also want to commend both of you to take the time to educate yourselves to understand your son. Both of your are just dynamite. I have with what Paige said a few pages back and that is to understand why he/she wishes to crossdress. There are different underlying reasons. As for as Disneyland is concerned, I suggest you let you son dress as desired. It is a magical place and it will be something that will never be forgotten. I hope all of enjoy and have a wonderful holiday!!!

ericalynncd

12-13-2007, 07:58 PM

Everyone has such great tips and ideas. I would ask his brother if it would make him uncomfortable on vaction. You sound like a great father and your son trust's you. It would be unfair to his brother to make him uncomfortable. Coming out is a huge step for anyone. Whatever you decide, that is the right choice. Oh and bring a jacket its going to be colder here next week..

Timberley

12-13-2007, 08:23 PM

Hi Jason,
Very glad to hear you are being so supportive, yet cautious.

If there were any comments I would make on safety, it would be the use of the washrooms. Which one would he use? I am sure there are probably family ones, but if there wasn't? The general rule here has been to use the facility you are dressed for. Boys or men would feel uncomfortable, and could be dangerous. I am sure the women/girls be safer, but they might call security.

Otherwise, have a great trip!

Nicole Erin

12-13-2007, 08:59 PM

With the restroom issue -
If he looks more female than male, then try to use the women's when no one is in there. Just be discreet.

Yes people have different opinions but there is the fact -

A CD who goes into the ladies room might draw attention.
A CD who walks into the men's room WILL draw attention.

Of course kids have to use the restroom all the time when out anywhere. On a car trip - "Dad, I gotta go to the bathroom". Sound familiar? :heehee:

Cristi

12-13-2007, 09:01 PM

There have been enough 2 cents posted here already to almost pay for your trip... but I'll add mine.

There is a word that stirs up trouble when used on this forum. The word is 'passing'. I only bring it up because I think it could be important to consider when coming up with your decision.

Many people have posted here about their concern that your son might be harassed in some way. I guess my opinion is that this is ONLY a concern if he is not seen as a girl!

IMHO, most prepubescent boys look enough like girls that it is only through the hints of clothing, hairstyle and mannerism that we can tell them apart unless you have a reason to look closer. I've seen plenty of young girls that would pass as boys without a 2nd look if they cut their hair differently and acted like a boy. Likewise, a majority of young boys would probably 'pass' as girls if they dressed the part, did something different with their hair, and acted more feminine.

So I think you need to do some 'practice' sessions. If, after a few times dressing at home and then maybe venturing out to a safe place, you and he both feel safe and sure that he is being seen as a girl, then I don't think there is an issue with the trip.

If, on the other hand, despite his and your best efforts he is still seen as a boy in a dress, the trip as a girl might be more trauma than you want to put him through. In that case, promise him some safer activity or maybe a more limited outing at some other time.

Even if he does end up going as a girl... I think enough people have advised you already that he may want to skip the dress or skirt for the days in the park itself. Most girls are smart enough to not wear a dress or short skirt on rollercoasters or other rides where they might not have much luck being modest. I'd go with the advice to select a short/t-shirt combination for the park and maybe play 'dress-up' later in the evening for a meal at a restaurant or for the trip down and back.

tamarav

12-13-2007, 09:06 PM

when my stepson, my son, came out of his room at 6 wearing his sister's dress and telling me that he liked the feeling I had to agree with him internally but worried about the potential negatives that I had suffered for over 40 years prior to that. I talked with his mom, my wife and we decided to just let him be who he was. He could dress anyway he wanted at home, and his sister helped him. He continued for about 2 years then tapered off and is now a robust 220 pound 6 foot 2 Marine in Iraq. His crossdressing seems to have either gone into remission or has been shunted eleswhere.

Parental support and love is all that is needed, just explain the potentials that may occur and love him.

Tami

Jaquelyn

12-13-2007, 09:44 PM

I have to be a voice of reason here. First off, as pointed out by several other ladies, this boy is 12. I don't care if he has asked before, many of us played dress up when were even younger. BUT, we did it at home, in private, for good reason. The same reason most of us are in hiding. SOCIETY DOES NOT ACCEPT CROSSDRESSERS! If you tell this little boy it's okay, when in reality, its not accepted mainstream-we are setting him up for failure bigtime. The second issue is CPS. Since I am in the middle of a horrible custody battle over my granddaughter, I am VERY intimate with this little nazi outfit. If someone at Disneyland/world takes a disliking to a 12 year old boy being allowed to crossdress, they just might take it upon their own, to call this wonderful group of all knowing child lovers (can you sense the sarcasm). Bottom line, we can't just shove this man and his son off to never never land and say have a great time- it may go horribly bad, due to things no of us could dream of. Yes, Mellissa went to Disneyland dressed, SHE is an adult, not a minor. This man has already lost his wife, I shudder at the thought of his son being taken away because of some do gooder, cause believe me folks; when CPS is involved, ANYTHING can be construde as child endangerment.........I personally vote no on Disneyland, and yes to the idea of setting it up at home for the boy.

Genifer Teal

12-13-2007, 11:00 PM

After checking back I have one more thing to add. Some people have said a few negative things and for good reason. Most of us have had a bad experience. Children are nieve (sp?). They are still forming thier understanding of the world around them. As a parent you have to protect him. On the other hand, it would be a shame to cloud his own judgements and conlusions about this world we live in based on our bad experiences which may never affect him.

Younger generations are far more accepting of diffent behavior than ever before. Society's acceptance is slowly progressing. The guilt and shame some of us feel as a result of dressing can be the worst part to deal with. Your son may not share those feeling because he probabbly does not know enough about society. Don't pre judge the world for him. If this is something he needs to carry through life, then let him do it guilt free and care free. Feelings of guilt and shame can be worse than society's stigma towards CD's.

Gen

VtVicky

12-14-2007, 12:39 AM

Jason, you have had a wide variety of advice form this forum. Understand that most of it is coming from the individual writers experiences and fantasies. Most of what has been discussed comes from the writer trying to put themselves in your situation. It is a good faith attempt at helping. But, it may not apply to your situation. So take it all with a grain of salt.

EXCEPT what Paige said. (and some other's) She is dead on correct!!!

I have spent a couple decades shrinking kids. What kids ask for may not be what they really want or need. It may be the only way they can think of to express a need that is confusing or frightening to them. Wearing a dress may not mean the same to him as it does to the rest of us. (Let's face it there are hundreds of variations on the theme of crossdressing.) It is more important to listen to, and really hear, what he is asking for. In your ernest, and commendable, attempt to be the best parent you can be, you may be hearing what he is asking for, but not hearing what he is crying out for.

12 year old kids are NOT the best judges of what is best for themselves. That is what parents are for. And you are clearly doing a tremendous job of trying to learn about his situation so you can better advise and support him. However, you too, have suffered a tremendous loss. You may not be the best person to try to interpret what your son is looking for. You may need someone who can objectively help him to explore what he needs and distinguish it from what he is asking for. I hate to sound trite, but a professional therapist with experience in this arena is needed. Not to talk him into, or out of, anything. But to clarify what it is he needs.

In the meantime, supporting him is essential. But, not just in his requested crossdressing. Accept it, and allow him to talk about it, but don't focus on it to the exclusion of the rest of his needs. If wearing panties is something he thinks of on his own, I suspect that is pretty socially innocuous. If he wants to wear dresses, than it should be confined to a controlled atmosphere, such as your home, until enough time has passed to be sure that it isn't a mask for something he needs even more.

As a comprimise, a way to show him support without setting him up for social trauma, letting him wear nightgowns to bed might meet some of his needs. (This would have to be coordinated with his brother to insure an emotionaly safe environment.)

In any case, I think crossdressing at a theme park on a family vacation this early in his dealing with crossdressing would be a mistake.

If for no other reason, you as the dad should make the decision against it, (at least for this trip), just so the poor kid doesn't have to spend the rest of his life trying to live down the inevitable photographs, if the crossdressing turns out to be a passing interest.

Good luck

Susan.

12-14-2007, 01:06 AM

Bethany_Anne_Fae

12-14-2007, 01:14 AM

Wow, this is a tough one.

For reasons already said, yeah dressing at the park may not be a great idea, but on the other hand, it is good that YOU are not making his life hell.

I don't think your son understands how much ridicule us CD's are subject to, especially the ones who go out but don't pass well.

As fas as catching hell from authorities, who really knows there? If you do decide to let him go en femme, do some research with that first.

My God how the times have changed though. His son is so lucky to have a father like him :)

When I suggested something similar at 13, I was tossed down a flight of stairs, had my arm broken, and kicked around like a dog until I changed my mind.

The girls here definitely know what they are talking about and have covered everything I would have suggested and more!

Zara

crusadergirl

12-14-2007, 01:20 AM

If he wants to wear a dress then go buy him something that would be good for a kid his age going out. And get a wig unless he has long hair that he can pass as a girl. Is he really sure he wants to go out dressed like that though?
If he does he has some guts at his age smart kid. I'm sorry about your wife passing away, and i wish you and your 2 sons thats best of luck and have fun.

GypsyKaren

12-14-2007, 07:46 AM

jason

12-14-2007, 09:07 AM

To have this many replys in a short time is amazing to me. I came here looking to have my eyes opened. I came here looking for both the positives and negatives of my son crossdressing. Thanks to all of you I got what I was looking for. My family needs to know what lies ahead is real not fantasy. My son needs to know it is not just a walk in the park and there are real dangers. It is nice to know there is support and positive aspects of this as well. I do intend to have the family go to a therapist to go over everything. This may be a short term thing with my son but it can also be long term. Either way I am in it for the long haul. I will be there for both of my sons whenever they need me.

To wrap this up I appreciate all the comments. Where some feel comments are negative I find them as warning flags that need to be thought through. I also feel the positive comments are those of support that this can be good if handled in the right way. Reality check in appearance is crucial to avoiding harrassment from others of closed minds. This is what you all deal with. This is the unknown world that my family is entering. It was a dark world to us but now you all have shed a little light on it. Thank you

SiobhanW

12-14-2007, 09:50 AM

Under no circumstances is a CHILD ready for such a thing

I'm sorry Karen, but I disagree. By the time I was 12 I pretty well knew what I wanted from my crossdressing. When I was 7 or 8, OK, I might just have agreed with you. As I've said in my correspondence with Jason, I think the first step will be to find out what the child has in mind and then work slowly from there.

GypsyKaren

12-14-2007, 09:56 AM

I'm sorry Karen, but I disagree. By the time I was 12 I pretty well knew what I wanted from my crossdressing. When I was 7 or 8, OK, I might just have agreed with you. As I've said in my correspondence with Jason, I think the first step will be to find out what the child has in mind and then work slowly from there.

I was into guns when I was 12, I guess I shoulda went to dad and asked if I could start carrying one.

Karen Starlene :star:

SiobhanW

12-14-2007, 09:59 AM

I was into guns when I was 12, I guess I shoulda went to dad and asked if I could start carrying one.

And under controlled circumstances, why shouldn't you? I think that's what pretty much everyone is advocating here - that the child be allowed to do it but under controlled circumstances that keep him safe. I wish that would have been an option to me at that age, instead of being forced to repress it.

Ashley Williams

12-14-2007, 10:26 AM

Hi Jason

I began to cross-dress at the age of 11 or 12 and the guilt about my needs is still something I have not come to terms with fully.

Just to consider how much better I might have felt if I could have spoken to one of my parents about it, let alone my only parent after the passing of the other, makes me gasp in admiration at the strength of the relationship between you and your son.

I think you would do well to discuss it with him as soon as possible - there have been lots of helpful comments already - but address him as he has you - honestly and openly.

Say that you are not sure - but that being able to express himself is really important to you, too. Don't though, leave the other son out. His reaction needs to be taken into account, too. Perhaps find some private time with your 12 year-old when he can be dressed in what he would like and maybe take some of the anxiety out of the disney trip being the first opportunity.

After many years of my secretively wearing female underwear and nightwear, my mother discovered some of my things and asked me if I wanted her to buy me a night-dress.

I was so embarassed I could never bring myself to discuss it with her again and just became even more careful to hide what I was doing.

I think you have something very special to build on here - and the more you talk, straight from the heart, the better now.

All the Best

Lesley

Mariah

12-14-2007, 10:56 AM

Good for you jason! your a good father. I can only add. maybe if there is time have him see a good theripest that is knowlageable in Gender problems, just to make sure everything is up and up. if you can't do that before you wanderful vacation. set it up after. it's something I wash I did when my parent found my girly cloths when I was 12 and the offered. go a head and let him dress. but like others have him dress like the other little girls and bring a set of male cloths. at 12 it is not uncommon for a little girl or little boy to go to the rest room with the parent. most will not bat a eye at a wanderful and loving father takeing his little girl in the bathroom to keep a eye on her.

and to karen, I know what I was at 10, and crossdressed since 5 and owned my own gun since 6. I don't see the problem? :P (yes this is a joke of truth)

*^_^*
keris

Chari

12-14-2007, 11:15 AM

Jason, I commend you for your understanding, acceptance, and support as a great father of a son who is expressing his needs and curiosity to dress as a girl! Much good advice has be given which you as the parent will have to sort and decide what is best for your entire situation. First, listen and ask your son what he/she would be comfortable doing and wearing. Start by letting him/her pick a feminine name and then allowing dressing in your home whenever he/she has the desire to become that girl. Observe what 12 year old girls are wearing, including makeup - if any, hairstyles, shoes, and purses in your area and buy appropriate items that would help him/her blend in with other girls. When he/she is comfortable with the girl image, go to a mall and a restaurant away from known friends to let him/her get used to being in public as a girl. Rather than dressing as a girl full time at DW, pack some girl items, including PJs, cosmetics, and clothes, if his girl side wants to come out. A dress would be appropriate if you go to dinner, but not for rides as they can reveal too much! A skort (one piece skirt top with shorts underneath) would be a better choice if he/she insists on wearing a dress at DW.:2c: Whatever you decide and are comfortable with, always, always protect and keep your children safe! Enjoy your vacation!

Hugs2U, Chari

Michelia

12-14-2007, 11:30 AM

because too much has already been said.

But Karen's comment has made me respond. I could not disagree more with what she has said above.

All the comments about this child being only 12 years old are off the mark. A 12 year old is a little man. In some countires, they are fighting wars. In others, they are working to sustain a family. Some kids know by the time they are 12 that they are going to be musicians, doctors or astronauts. Yet this kid has no right to know whether he has a girl in him or not. This kid has shown some maturity-let's not cut off his possibilities.

So when, may I ask, is it proper for this child to show his true feelings and/or experiment with what he wants or what he "thinks" he wants? I cannot believe I am hearing TSs saying this is "nonsense" at this age. This is exactly what my redneck neighbor would say.

There is no better time in this child's life to find out what he is or where he wants to go. He may get nicked in the process and so be it. With proper parental support and love and a little help from a good counselor he will be on track to knowing whether this is his life or not. IT IS HIS/HER DECISION - not his parents or anyone else.

Why is it so unsound to consult the internet with this issue? That is the whole point of this site. It has done wonders for many of us and our SOs. But somehow it is not a good enough source for a parent facing such dilemma. Would telling the kid he is too immature to know what is best for him at this age the answer?

Yes, this may be a passing stage and this may be a result of losing his mother. But it you cannot dismiss it either way.

As far as the trip goes, it is not that big a deal. Play it by ear. I went out my first time enfemme and could not handle doing it again. He may find out it is not for him. Then he may thrive. Only one way to find out. Prepare, take it slowly and one day at a time. You can always change tactics in midstream.

Do get professional help ASAP. There are organizations that work with transgender youth and some have lists of experienced therapists.

I do have to commend you as a parent. Stay as open as possible. Communicate. You have this tremendous opportunity to be so close to your son and he to you. You are going about it the right way.

Michelia

AmandaM

12-14-2007, 11:56 AM

Protection of the child is first and foremost, even from himself. The kid should do it at home. In the future, if he is comfortable and/or pass, etc. he can go out places. That's my opinion.

Cai

12-14-2007, 04:00 PM

I hate to rain on the parade here, but a 12 year old is a CHILD! Under no circumstances is a CHILD ready for such a thing, and under no circumstances should any parent even consider such a thing for their CHILD! Just the fact that you would consider such nonsense deeply disturbs me to no end, as does the fact that when your CHILD has a problem you run to the internet for advice...if there's a shred of truth to any of this.

Karen Starlene :star:

But a 12-year-old doesn't think of himself as or feel like a child. Treating him like he doesn't know what he wants will just make him angry, and make him take things into his own hands.
Better that as a parent you let him be himself, with you watching over him. That way you're there if anything happens.

Melissa Davis

12-14-2007, 05:30 PM

I don't have Kids, but I guess if it were my Kid, I would let them dress at home while educating them.

Sharon

12-14-2007, 05:45 PM

Me thinks good ol' Jason is having a nice little chuckle over the range of responses his thread has elicited. My number one thought here is -- why the heck would a father join a crossdresser's forum to seek out unbiased opinions concerning his crossdressing son from a bunch of crossdressers? Seriously, Jason, either you are a complete BS'er or you have an IQ of a kumquat.

Second -- what sort of father would even entertain the notion of his heretofore CD virgin son crossdressing in such a public venue whilst with the family? It would be admirable to be this free and liberal, it just sets off a bunch of BS Bells in me little head.

Third -- if your son is transgendered, before you do anything else, you need to seek out the advice of one or more professionals, preferably gender therapists. Just letting him do what he supposedly wants to do may be the worst possible thing in the world for him? I can think of so many positive and negative results of this CD vacation, that I wouldn't have a clue as to which reasoning should win out. As a father myself, I tend to prefer to err on the side of caution when it comes to my children.

Meanwhile, excuse me while I reset my bullshit meter.

Julie York

12-14-2007, 06:11 PM

Cristy.Cream

12-14-2007, 06:23 PM

^^^^^^^^^^
+1

MarinaTwelve200

12-15-2007, 05:10 PM

:2c: As far as Disney World is concerned, I'd let him do it. I WOULD suggest that he dress a bit "older" though, like about 14 or even 15 perhaps. This would allow a bit more "camoflage"---as in the form of some modest "boobs" and some more makeup as it would serve a purpose to hide his actual identity much better than trying to look like a 12 year old girl. Besides, If he is like I was, I was attracted to the older girls any way at his age, and thought that girls MY age looked"ho hum" and unexciting. He might find looking older more "rewarding" and may want to CD less, since he has now 'seen the elephant" so to speak.

The worse that could happen is an embarrasing "incident" wherein your son would learn a lesson and not be exposed to ridicule from anyone he knows or knows him.

Also talk to the other brother too, make sure he knows that "Gay" means being attracted to people of the same sex and NOT merely wearing some unusual clothing--lotsa kids dont know this (and many adults too) such info will go a long way in preventing problems and confusion in kids of this age.

Carin

12-15-2007, 07:23 PM

As I read page I couldn't find where the intelligent members of this forum advised that he get professional help. I had this same conversation yesterday with a dad of a 13 yo. on line yesterday. Some of us have been struggling with this for 10, 20, 30 40 years, and we still don't know how to figure out what is best for us. Pubescent teens need professional help, advise and steering, along with family support to even begin to deal with this. The emotional turmoil that TG brings to teens can so easily have SERIOUSLY disastrous results, as in depression and more (I don't want to be too morbid). This is not guessing and playing games time. Talk to a therapist or Psychiatrist. Now.

[QUOTE=Sharon;1121192]
Third -- if your son is transgendered, before you do anything else, you need to seek out the advice of one or more professionals, preferably gender therapists. Just letting him do what he supposedly wants to do may be the worst possible thing in the world for him? I can think of so many positive and negative results of this CD vacation, that I wouldn't have a clue as to which reasoning should win out. As a father myself, I tend to prefer to err on the side of caution when it comes to my children.

[QUOTE]

Stormgirl

12-15-2007, 09:02 PM

This thread pisses me off,I smell a troll(Jason)

jason

12-15-2007, 09:18 PM

MarciManseau

12-15-2007, 09:22 PM

It will take FAR MORE than girl's underwear and any kind of outfit for a boy of 12 to pass for a girl. He'd have to know how to act, be around other girls his age, and especially how to react if a boy likes how he looks as a girl.

If this whole situation is for real, and I have no way of knowing if it is, but I do have my doubts, then I think I'd tell him no for this year. Maybe next year after he's had a year to practice and try to learn in one year what girls his age have had 12 years to learn. If he doesn't, the first girl his age he runs into will probably spot him in a second, and can you imagine the trauma of that?

Also, I'm not sure what the police would say to a father who allowed his son to try and be a girl in public BEFORE taking him to a counsellor and finding out if this is the right thing to do. :2c:

This thread pisses me off,I smell a troll(Jason)

I couldn't agree more - sorry if I'm wrong tho.

I'm new here, but with this being so controversial and involving a child, I'd hope the powers that be here would try and verify it before it got posted, if that's at all possible. That may just be hindsight on my part.

Marci

AmandaM

12-15-2007, 11:40 PM

annieelmira

12-16-2007, 01:20 AM

Jason:

Just in case no one shared this with you...you are the BOMB dad! It's so awesome for you to be so open and supportive of your son like this... i can't even find the words to describe how cool you are.

As for dressing... like most here said... girl shorts, etc for day and if he decides to go out in the evening dressed, heck let him!

Personally, I would pass on the makeup unless it was in the privacy of your hotel room though... maybe around here it's a little different, but most 12 y/o girls don't wear "makeup". Maybe a little lip gloss.

Again..take pride in your understanding and caring of your son, especially because you are a single Dad.

Also, I'm not sure what the police would say to a father who allowed his son to try and be a girl in public BEFORE taking him to a counsellor and finding out if this is the right thing to do. :2c:

Marci

The police can't and won't say anything official... other than the stupid jerk comments. If the police or any other agency tried something, I'd nail their butts to the wall... holy civil liberties violations!

Stormgirl

12-16-2007, 01:42 AM

I came here looking for assistance with my son. I came here to get more understanding....I have seen people on the talk shows but it seems alot of fakery to me on those shows. so i came here. maybe i shouldn't have.

I apologise then,we get a troll that just likes to shit stir every now and then. My mistake, please do not leave. I didn't mean any harm.

Holly

12-16-2007, 01:51 AM

The police can't and won't say anything official... Sorry Anniee, but I must respectfully disagree with you. They could, if they felt the child was was being mentally abused, turn the child over to child protective services. You have no idea of what kind of a nightmare that could turn out to be. With no prior counseling, a parent could be hard pressed to make a case before the authorities. CPS has a reputation for sometimes being, shall we say, overzealous. I just think it is too big of a risk to take, especially for someone who is not versed in gender issues himself.

Jason, many of the "talk" shows are a bunch of hooey. But in my mind, you would be ill-advised to take a young child on such an ambitious outing with little to no knowledge. If you really want to to help your son, educate yourself first. And getting some help from a counselor familiar with gender issues IS a good idea.

crusadergirl

12-16-2007, 01:51 AM

Jason sorry about some of the reply's you got they can be alittle tough on new commers here. I for one respact the fact you are willing to help your son.
I wish i had a dad like you. My advise wasn't all that great b/c i don't really know whats right for a 12 year old kid that wants to cd. I started at 15.
Jason you did the right thing by asking for advice.
I wish you the best.

annieelmira

12-16-2007, 02:09 AM

Sorry Anniee, but I must respectfully disagree with you. They could, if they felt the child was was being mentally abused, turn the child over to child protective services. You have no idea of what kind of a nightmare that could turn out to be. With no prior counseling, a parent could be hard pressed to make a case before the authorities. CPS has a reputation for sometimes being, shall we say, overzealous. I just think it is too big of a risk to take, especially for someone who is not versed in gender issues himself.

Well at least you do it respectfully.. more than I get in real time :)

Actually I worked with CPS in an official capacity for many years... I agree they can be overzealous.. but I guarantee the ACLU would chomp down... at least where I live. I also have been on the receiving end of CPS b/c I'm a gay dad and my son's mom had her panties in a knot and decided to call them saying I was teaching her son to be gay...so I've seen both ends.

Me personally? If my son wanted to CD, I'd make an "only-in-the-house" agreement with him. At 12 years old, he's old enough to understand the reasons behind the agreement, provided that 1) those reasons are explained and 2) it is an agreement between the two of you. And before someone bashes me.. it's not because I'm attempting to keep CD-ing out of the public eye. 12 year olds shouldn't be expected to be the poster children for cross dressing when a whole LOT of adult men on here are still in the closet. Maybe if more of them were out, then we wouldn't be having a discussion about the 12 year old. (Not trying to be a snot and sorry it sounds that way)

Staci G

12-16-2007, 07:05 AM

KrissyTN

12-16-2007, 08:09 AM

Jason,

I think it's a good thing to be supportive of your son. Your family has obviously had your challenges and please accept my condolences for the passing of your wife.

The great thing that I see going on is communication. Continue to discuss the issues surrounding the need/desire etc and if professional therapy is a financial option for you...all the better.

ON a lighter note...how about a Hannah Montana wig?? LOL...they are very popular this year! I think CDing is much more acceptable to the younger generation than back in the 70's & early 80's when I was a teen.

Keep up the great parenting and please keep us posted.

Hugs,
Krissy

PS, I vote for trying it out for one day at DW and seeing how that goes....however the caution of the girls here is good...preparation is the key!

Dawn Marie

12-16-2007, 09:05 AM

Jason, I would let him dress, but like most said let him go all the way:wig,makeup,shoes, pantyhose,etc. And dress to blend. Most wear shorts and a t-shirt but I still see a lot in a sundress or skirt and top. It would be what is most comfortable for him and you. Again this may just be a passing phase and to let him experiment is one way to show that you care and let him make up his own mind about his crossdressing future. Good luck and hope all our comments help.

Laura Jane

12-16-2007, 01:05 PM

Having skimmed through the replies I don't seem to see anyone pointing out its a family vacation and your 12 year old sons dressing may ruin it for you and your other son.

I doubt that first time out of the door your son will be comfortable enough to be in public and certainly your other son and yourself won't!

You son needs to realise the big step he is asking you and his brother to take as well as his own.

Give him a catelog and allow him to buy some stuff and see how he gets on in the privacy of his own home first.

And for gord sake no therapists, unless you really want to mess your sons heads up!

suzy

12-16-2007, 01:25 PM

Jason,

Don't make this bigger or more complicated than it is.

I agree with and applaud you for being concerned for your child's safety, but it is supposed to be a fun trip. Be accepting, understanding and be supportive.

The best way to would be to guide him to wearing age and environmental appropriate clothes. Just show him what all the other 12 year old girls are wearing and let him be a normal 12 year old girl for the time that you're there. Select a feminine name and for the week he can be who he wants to be.

I can't imagine that he'll be ridiculed....Disney World is full of millions of different people and everyone is just having fun and playing.

I hope that you all have a great vacation!

:D

Sally24

12-16-2007, 04:38 PM

If he wants to wear a skirt, he's going to need to learn how to sit appropriately in a skirt. Preferably a jean skirt that won't fly up in the wind. Take a trip with him to a mall and sit on a bench and watch the girls go by. See how they dress, walk, what they carry, etc.

Good points. He should dress pretty casual, not too girly and should do some observation of the differences between how boys move and how girls move and talk.

Don't pick a female name for your son...ASK HIM who he is as a girl. I'd bet he already has an idea.Emily Ann

Makeup should be very light and maybe a light shade of lipstick.
I would agree that a light lipstick or lip gloss should really do it for her.

Many people have posted here about their concern that your son might be harassed in some way. I guess my opinion is that this is ONLY a concern if he is not seen as a girl!
If he's pretty typical for a 12 year old boy than it shouldn't be much of an issue. Before hormones start flowing there are very few physical differences between boys and girls. And the comments about child protective services are ludicrous! We are probably talking about a 12 year old boy wearing a girly t-shirt and maybe a pony tail or something. Have any of you looked at what 12 year olds dress like now?

what sort of father would even entertain the notion of his heretofore CD virgin son crossdressing in such a public venue whilst with the family?
Because the son asked about it. We are talking about a boy of 12, in a place where he doesn't know anyone, trying out a little dressing to see what he thinks about it. We're not talking about him getting into a cinderalla costume and singing and dancing down Mainstreet USA! I think both Jason and his son have found a good choice to explore a little bit.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I would think that if you kept the clothing conservative and found a way to femminize the hair (even a pony tail woven into his hair might do) that it would be an easy way for him to explore a little. The only caveat would be him truely understanding that he couldn't do this in his home town when you got back. My experience has been that many people that are TG start to act it out around 12. Unfortunetly, many then stifle their feelings for the next 30 or 40 years until it HAS to come out. Exploring this early might be a very good thing for him.

And I agree that at least a visit or two to a counselor, preferably one with at least some experience with gender issues, is in order. If your son turned out to be transexual, then this age is a good time to find out. Even if you don't want him to make choices yet, there are real options for his next 4-6 years that then go away once he reaches maturity. They can even postpone some of the changes that happen from hormones to give the child the time to find out what he wants and needs.

Good luck on your vacation and tell us how it went! Oh, and get some non-fem pics of him because people will expect to see photos from the trip!

SiobhanW

12-16-2007, 05:22 PM

We're not talking about him getting into a cinderalla costume and singing and dancing down Mainstreet USA!

Although I think we'd pretty much all agree that would be a lot of fun!

Bethany_Anne_Fae

12-16-2007, 05:44 PM

Oh I would SO do that!!!
*sighs*

Zara

GypsyKaren

12-16-2007, 06:25 PM

We're not talking about him getting into a cinderalla costume and singing and dancing down Mainstreet USA!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He ought to take him to FantasyLand instead, that's where this thread belongs.

Karen Starlene :star:

rachel_mead

12-16-2007, 06:37 PM

I wonder if Disney has a significance for him wanting to dress. I know as a young boy I loved the theme: "when you wish upon a star..." I know I made many wishes that I could be a girl. Then of course there was the Disney magic where people could become dogs (shaggy dog), and maybe I could get a fairy godmother like Cinderella had, surely she'd help me out...

Nevertheless as a Dad of a teen, I wouldn't take him out dressed cold. I'd take him to a therapist first and learn more about why he wants to do it, if the dressing was in his best interest and then I'd have him practice around the house and get comfortable then take it from there, if the next step was Disney then so be it.

Take care,
Rachel

janetcd2

12-16-2007, 07:22 PM

My Mother dressed me for several years but I was fully dressed only in the house. She took me shoe shopping as a boy until she felt I could pass as I got older I again refrained from going out except CD functions

Janet

Kelly Greene

12-16-2007, 09:33 PM

Jason it is great that you are considering supporting your son, reguardless of your decision on his dressing in public, getting someone for him to talk to is most likely the most iportant thing you can do because he and you are going to have a lot of questions and a professional will be of great help in discovering the answers to those answers.

Kendra Irene

12-17-2007, 11:32 AM

Jason I took my 12 year old daughter to DW she wore shorts and a tank or t with a training bra and sneakers. That seemed to be what all the girls were wearing so just get him some of those things and maybe a dress to wear to dinner dont forget the panties ankle socks and pantyhose, you dont want him to feel half done. BUT give him the coice as what to wear when. he may not be comfortable enough to wear the dress out. I bought a lot of clothes at limited too in the malls tell them it will be for his sister and she is the same size they will help you get the right size for him then take him home to try on not in the store you dont want to do that to him it is hard on us believe me.. Good luck on what you decide but remember he will find a way to dress if his feelings are strong at all and it is far safer for you to be aware than some phobia minded a-hole or worse..

Thats my :2c: Staci

Jason, we just got back from Disney World, on Saturday. You didn't say if you will be staying on site?

As Staci says, the normal dress seemed to have been shorts, T's and runners. As one mother of 2 girls said, her daughters wore skirts all the time so that they wouldn't be mistaken for boys. (They both had short hair) They were 14 and 16.

Footwear of choice was "Disney" Crocs. As far going out to eat, I think that a dress and make-up, on a 12 year old, would definitely make him/her stand out.

Hair on the youth were of all lengths and stiles.

The reason I asked about staying on site, is because eventually they will want to use the pools. If the persona is to be maintained, then a bathing suit will be in order.

Biggest things to remember are; no make-up, opt for a skirt(instead of dress), if needed, a training bra (if he feels comfortable with it - no padding), and no one wears pantyhose in Florida.

The tomboy look is more common that you think.

Kendra

MarinaTwelve200

12-17-2007, 07:57 PM

The reason I asked about staying on site, is because eventually they will want to use the pools. If the persona is to be maintained, then a bathing suit will be in order.

Biggest things to remember are; no make-up, opt for a skirt(instead of dress), if needed, a training bra (if he feels comfortable with it - no padding), and no one wears pantyhose in Florida.

The tomboy look is more common that you think.

Kendra

This is the reason I said it might be better to "Dress older" than 12. With the lack of makeup and a fem body shape (ie. boobs) there would be little or no different appearence between a 12 year old girl OR boy. Not only that it would be very difficult to hide his identity. Makeup can do wonders to change facial appearence, and the presense of obvious breasts would immediately suggest a female person. A 12 year old boy could easily pass for a 14 or 15 year old girl, and would not look oddly out of place. His identity would be better conceiled also---as he would look drastically different in boy or girl mode---this could allow a bit more versitility of how he could appear in different situations where one gender or the other might be somewhat awkward to pull off.

Mary L

12-18-2007, 02:40 PM

I came here looking for assistance with my son. I came here to get more understanding. What I have gathered is that my son and myself need to obtain the services of a gender therapist to find out the origin of his wants. I also hear loud and clear that if the therapist says this is a need of dressing of his it be better in the safe confines of home instead of venturing out in public even away from familliar places. I did not come here to offend anyone or make fun of anyone. But to get some guidiance and feedback of a community of which my son may be a part of. I have seen people on the talk shows but it seems alot of fakery to me on those shows. so i came here. maybe i shouldn't have.
Jason--We emphathise with you and, probably, many of us wish you were our father! For the most part, you have received good advice. I want to re-iterate the need for you to get a better grasp of what your son is feeling. I suggest that you first have a conversation that allows him to express himself. This will allow you to make first stage judgments about the situation. Based on what you have described, it seems likely that this goes deeper than simply wanting to be a crossdresser. If so, then seeing a neutral party experienced with gender issues would probably be beneficial and able to give you guidance about how to proceed. The fact that he has asked you if he can dress in girls clothing suggests that this is a very big issue for him. Personally, I would say no to the dressing at Disney World because the issue is too complex and important for quick decisions. Gender encompasses everything in one's life and decisions about gender should not rushed and should not be made without the best available information being considered. Going off on vacation should not figure into such a decision, IMHO. Good luck to you and your family.