Another hard question that is bothering me

[cdkelsi]

Ok I really love to dress, but i haven't excepted it yet one reason why I just purged again the other nite. I think the main reason though is besides being scared when I dress I think and fantasy about men and that really haunts me. Why do I have those thoughts? Is it normal? thanks for reading all the best to u

[Nicki B]

Is it normal - what's normal? Do others have those thoughts and feelings - of course they do...

Purging, IMHO is a symptom of trying to reject what is within you. The implication of your post is that liking men is somehow 'wrong' - it isn't, as the gay & bi communities will tell you?

That doesn't necessarily mean you are 'gay' - I know too many people who took that label, only to transition - when suddenly it all made sense? :)

But I'm not saying you ought to transition. Don't stress so much about what others think - give yourself space and time to explore your own feelings and work out who you are and what you want? There are no right or wrong answers (except refusing to accept yourself)? :hugs:

[Meredith]

Sometimes I fantasize about women, sometimes I fantasize about men. I have had relationships over the years with several women and one man. Regrets? No, not really.
For your purposes though keep in mind that fantasies and realities are not the same. I;ve read the number one women's sexual fantasy is forced sex; rape. That hardly means women want to be raped. Having gay fantasies does not make you gay or even bi so don't concern yourself. Shoot, enjoy the fantasies.

[MJ]

=cdkelsi;1119735]Ok I really love to dress, but i haven't excepted it yet one reason why I just purged again the other nite. I think the main reason though is besides being scared when I dress I think and fantasy about men and that really haunts me. Why do I have those thoughts? Is it normal? thanks for reading all the best to u

for many of us it's normal .. whats normal ? , acceptance is the key .. and don't purge ..unless your made of money

[María José]

Sometimes I fantazice about men too. Sometimes I dress like a girl. And both things don´t go necessarily together. Is it normal? :rolleyes: I think the answer is obvious.

Don´t worry about it.

[Kate Simmons]

You can run away from a lot of things but you can never run away from yourself. Facing ourself is the toughest thing some of us will ever do.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Purging will not solve your problem and I say problem only because you have to figure out who you are and where you fall on the scale. I have purged several times before but will not ever do it again as I now know who I am and the purging did not help, it only slowed down my inevitability. Of course if you do have unlimited money than go ahead and purge, what size are you I'll be happy to pick up your cast offs.

[Nicole Erin]

Ok I really love to dress, but i haven't excepted it yet one reason why I just purged again the other nite.

Purged "again". Why? You know all that will do is cost more money when you come back. Unless you had a hideous wardrobe and need better fashions. :heehee:

I think the main reason though is besides being scared when I dress I think and fantasy about men and that really haunts me. Why do I have those thoughts? Is it normal?
Nothing wrong with fantasy. Dress, have some self-gratification while thinking of men, and then call it a day and don't think about it anymore. Honey, many of us do think about men when dressed and having fun. Why do you have those thoughts you ask? Well, cause you feel pretty in a feminine way and the most natural thing is a man and woman together. We sometimes would like to be the lady in bed. :D

So worry not sis. Even if you and a guy do end up in bed real life, no big deal. Have fun

[Marla S]

... I think and fantasy about men and that really haunts me. Why do I have those thoughts? Is it normal? thanks for reading all the best to u
I see two reasons.
a) You are attracted to men, but you try to deny it.
b) These thoughts are just projections to complete the fem image ... kind of a "mental makeup".

Either way purging won't help to figure that out.

[Brandy H]

Think of it as being 'gifted'. You can think about men the way that women do and you can think about women the way men do. Nothing wrong with that. You are special. Relax, Enjoy, Embrace

[StacyCD]

My only suggestion is to be yourself--whatever that is! Trying to be someone other than who you were meant to be is very difficult (if not impossible) and likely leads to much unhappiness. Of course, the real question is trying to figure out who we were meant to be. GOOD LUCK!

[sterling12]

People have fantasies all the time. Not just Transfolk. Fantasies about members of your birth sex are not uncommon at all.

Your fantasies get a little more specific because you are fantasizing about men with yourself as a woman or CD. A lot of Gurls do that, but few admit to it. If you doubt, go look at the number of visitors for Fictionmania. Think it's now over 54 million. Almost all of the stories have "sex with a man," as a common part of the plot. Gee...I guess that means that somehow, a lot of gurls relate to that idea.

Always remember, that fantasies remain just that...a fantasy. Trouble begins, when you start to do something about the fantasy and work to turn it into reality. The vast majority of ALL person's do not act out their fantasies! There really is no reason why you would do that either. Maybe it could happen, probably not.

Throwing out your stuff to do away with the problem? Use your logical brain, that's not going to stop the thoughts, and you will just end up with regrets. My advise, accept that you do fantasize about such things and learn to deal with it. Certainly doesn't make you a bad person. There is no point in punishing yourself.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Mandy_dreams]

cdkelsi, I have purged once myself. I know in my heart what the motivation was: rejection of my need to dress. Now I say "need", but then I thought "desire", like I could turn it off or repress it. So soon after getting rid of the clothing, I still had the craving.

It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I finally accepted myself. My perspective changed completely! There is nothing wrong with this! It is not evil or harmful. I really believe that if something as illogically simple as donning girl's clothes makes us feel so great, what could be wrong with it? I don't think God is playing some cruel joke on us. My advice is to accept yourself and purchase a special item of clothing as a visual tribute and reminder of your self-acceptance.

As for thinking of men, I think that's another opportunity for acceptance. I'm not implying any of this is easy. For now maybe just try to be easy on yourself.

Take care,
Mandy

[jennifer41356]

fantasies are fun...because..well because they are fantasies, and can remain there if one wishes:D

[Alex!]

Sexuality and intelligence intertwine in extremely complex ways that I think are essentially beyond analysis. Normal? There is no such thing in this regard, except when a behavior leads to breaking the law - breaking the law is a useful metric to determine if you are behaving abnormally in the eyes of the society you are living in or visiting, but not always, of course.

If thinking about men scares you, it is probably because the society you live in still contains a significant amoung of prejudice toward homosexuals. The result is that those who even have a fleeting homosexual thought based on curiosity or the heat of the moment will immediately feel shame. In other times and places, homosexuality was not even remotely a big deal. Homosexuality is a very real and actually quite common state for many creatures, including humans.

What is abnormal for me is the prevention of a person's ability to express his or her sexuality, beliefs, or style, among other things. In principle, society should not do this (protecting the welfare of children in any case should be the first thought, however). Of course, there are certain social norms that make sense and laws designed to enforce those norms, like public intercourse and things of this nature.

Dr. Andrea "Sigmund Fraud" Forbes

[Jaquelyn]

Hmm, well, a little fantasizing never hurt anyone. So, are you scared that you're gay because you fantasize about men when you dress? How about being bisexual, does that frightten you also? What I am getting at is: just because you fantasize doesn't mean your going to do it or even really want to do it. Perfect point: I have a fantasy about being cuckolded to my wife. She doesnt' want it, and truly, in reality, I don't think I could enjoy it as well. However, doesn't mean that I can't have a kinky fantasy, right? It's- not real, fake, dream time, whatever. It can be fun at the thought, and never go anywhere, and guess what? I am perfectly ok with that:D

[docrobbysherry]

U can run, but u can't hide. From yourself.
What ever will be, will be, que sera sera.
Trite but true!
Rs

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

I love to dress up, but the thought of a man even touching me, disgusts me to no end, but that is because I have a history of abuse.
I dont mind the occasional hand-kiss that I get at the Faires, but anything else... complete turnoff.

Zara

[cdkelsi]

Thank you to all who stopped by and offered your advice. I truly appreciate it. Yes I agree with you all to a point just don't know how to accept it. Been trying to since 13. Yes I regret purging alot especially since I had it back rt now.
Maybe it would be different if I had a sister or two something I am working on too.
Thx again. wish you all the best.

[Hali]

HI cdkelsi. All those feelings you are having are "normal" feelings for a CD..... i hope you'll believe me, so purging might not help. My advice is for you to do an extensive research into CDing and particularly on "yourself" to know your level of Cding, what are your options, dangers associated with CDing etc.

[joann07]

Hi Kelsi,

Every once in a blue moon, I'll think about what its like to be Joann and to be with a guy, but those are just my thoughts and not the real thing.
I know that I'm very much attracted to women because when I'm out and about, whether in guy or girl mode, I'm always checking out the HOT and attractive girls. :drooling:
While, at the same time I'm thinking to myself "OMG! I love her outfit and I have to find that". :heehee:

So, whenever you're out, pay attention to who you're attracted to and then you'll know if your thoughts are for real.
Hopefully they aren't.

Hugs!

[Dixie]

Believe it or not there is no such thing as normal, at least not the way most people think of it anyway. Normal is what ever comes natural, NOT what everyone else is doing, unless that is what comes natural. Do not beat yourself up, do not be a sheep in the flock, Be YOURSELF not what others tell you to be. If you are uncomfortable by your fantasies just remember THEY ARE FANTASIES you DO NOT have to act on them!!!
Love Dixie

[_Billie]

i have to settle into Nikki B's camp on this one dear. seems you're not giving yourself the chance you'd give to a total stranger. if that's true, then stop it!! be honest, be yourself, and know the truth really will set you free. i've purchased and purged more times than i care to recall and i have come to accept it, in my case, as a clear symptom of denial.

[Janis Edwards]

Ok I really love to dress, but i haven't excepted it yet one reason why I just purged again the other nite. I think the main reason though is besides being scared when I dress I think and fantasy about men and that really haunts me. Why do I have those thoughts? Is it normal? thanks for reading all the best to u
Yes, sometimes when I am dressed for the evening I think about men and wonder what they would think of me. I realize of course it is just a fantasy and that it will never happen. Darn!!!!

[Nicolette01]

Since joining up here and reading different opinoins from different members, I am already beginning to feel a little more comfortable about some of the thoughts that run through my head. There are many issues that seem to just take their course, you give them some time and you begin to find out whether they are true or not. Does the sight of a beautiful crossdresser turn me on? Absolutely-if it didn't, that would mean that I am not alive. That doesn't mean that I am gay, in my mind, I visualize that person as a beautiful and attractive woman. Do we have fantasies? We all do, just a matter of , I suppose, finding out which are mutually acceptable to the parties involved and then deciding whether to act upon them or not.

[corrinediane]

I've never purged for guilt in 40 years but I have done it to hide my secret when we moved (once) then I realized how much money I left in the Goodwill container and vowed to never do that again. Think about that. The desire to dress goes dormant for long periods sometimes but always returns. Don't feel guilty about wanting men. It's ok. I have never had the desire to be with a man as a man but a cd /tv is quite another story. Maybe it's the clothes or something. I don't really know. Then again I don't question it. It's still a gay interlude but it's just apart of me that I accepted long ago. Try not to let society dictate to you how you should feel. Just accept who you are. Look at all of us in this forum, we all have issues but have managed to overcome. You'll be fine and stop wasting money. btw what size are you? :happy:

[cdkelsi]

Thanks again everyone... You are all too sweet and kind. I wish I could meet you all in person somehow. I know I have to try to get involved with Tribeta here just nervous as hell. Wish I could just try going out with some of you.
I already know I need to go shopping again but just dont know...I really miss my clothes and especially my heels at the moment. Anyone in FL that will let me keep some clothes at their place...LOL just asking out of the blue...All the best to you all.