Dilemmas and conflicts...

[optyks]

Alright.. I don't even know where to begin.
Basically, since I was 13 or 14 I've wanted to be a genetic girl. Shortly after I developed this longing, I started to crossdress. It started with lingerie/underwear until the last couple months, when I've been expanding to skirts, cami's, bras, pants, etc.

For a while, that was satisfying me for the most part... But now, more and more, and seemingly with every girl I see, I wish I was a girl... Really, really bad. I know there are Male to Female transgender operations, but I don't really think that's the right path for me... It's expensive, and in the end I'm still genetically male...
I don't know... This urge is just getting stronger and stronger. The feminine body is amazing and beautiful, delicate and pretty...

I guess I'm writing this thread in hopes others have had the same thoughts and possibly theres some way to remedy this....
Help?
Thanks...

[Niya W]

I say talk to a therapist . It took me 3 years to get me were I'm at now. For me it was like water pouring over a rock. Slow process , buti'm here now

[optyks]

Where are you at now, if you don't mind me asking?

[Kate Simmons]

Getting to really know yourself is half of the battle. This requires honesty and introspection and we may need help sometimes in this respect. Taking ownership of ourselves helps us to manage things no matter which way we decide to go.:happy:

[Zee]

Contemplation of yourself requires a strong mental commitment. You need to be conscious mentally when you look inward. You need to think, reason and examine each facet of your inner self. This is very important for your self. Someone else can tell you what you can or should feel, but until you come to your own self realization of what you are inside can you start to accept who you are.

A therapist can be good, but on the other hand, not so much. When selecting a therapist, you must be VERY careful about who you choose. Often, therapists can do more harm than good.

You need to make your own decisions about your own life. But you must unequivacally and purposfully know the path you are going to undertake. A good therapist can show you the door. A bad one can slam it on your fingers. Only you can choose to walk through it.

I have been stung by therapists before, so I have decided to transition on my own time table. I have my plan set out and it appears that it will take 6 to seven years for me. I have yet to get a doctor qualified in gender issues, however, my time table gives me a few more months. However, my time table may not be the right fit for you, but once you do come to your epiphany about who you are, you definately need a plan of action. Do your research and be thorough.

Again, what works for one person, may not work for another.



You must do what you feel is right, of course.

[Marvina Martian]

Zee has some very good advise!

I too have had those same feelings. I feel that they tend to ebb and flow sometimes so I just kind of roll with it. When I get those really strong feelings I try and think of my life, where I have been, where I am now and where I foresee myself in the future. This steeping back and looking at yourself from a different perspective can really give some insight and help in times of strong feelings.

Just don't rush into something that you may regret later in life.

[optyks]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm not sure if seeing a psychologist is right for me right now. Perhaps in the future, but I don't really have time nor the money right now. But again, I appreciate the replies. It's nice being able to be open with someone about this kinda stuff, especially people who feel the same. It makes a difference!

[Stephenie S]

Well sweetie, of COURSE there are others who feel the same way. Whatever do you think this whole forum is all about?

There is NOTHING wrong with these feelings, but a good gender therapist could help you sort them out. There is a huge difference between wishing you were a girl and knowing you are a girl.

In any case, even though we are all a bit different, there are many, many others who share your feelings. Pull up a chair and chat a while. This is a support group. That's what we offer.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[shirley1]

i kind of understand where you are coming from - i have been confused many times about where all this is taking me - bought female hormones once did i them well a few tablets - i started dressing at 14 anything i could get out of my moms wardrobe ! i am adament now that i am borderline cd but if the truth be known i dont know what i am anymore all i seem to know is i wish i'd been born female i was in shop today buying xmas cards and all i could see was young woman good looking some of them thinking i wish i could swap my life for theirs i do think this can be confusing for some people - i have always been led to believe people know from an early age whether theyre tv or ts but i am beginning to doubt that now i have recently started fantasising about giving men oral sex and that scares me (dressed in girl mode of course) i just dont know anymore - guess i'll just have to go and meet a few girls at this tg meeting on jan 7th close to where i live -

[optyks]

Thanks, stephenie. I feel much more welcome here now! (Not like I didn't before.)

shirley, Yeah, i can see where you're coming from. Theres a TG meeting where you live? Can I ask whereabout in the country/world that may be?

Also, what would happen should a guy take female hormones regularly for a while? What's the best/worst case scenario?

[Marvina Martian]

The hormone thing really is intriguing but scary as well! On one hand I'd love to give them a shot and see where it would go, but I am also afraid of the ramifications. I think that I saw a thread about just this subject....
As far as effects I know that I have heard that after only a few months (on the correct dosage and right combinations of hormones) you will become sterile. To be honest I am totally scared as heck about having kids, so....This may be a bonus for some! I know also that your mood goes up and down radically and you start to actually think differently as your chemistry in your brain is changed. You will of course develop a bit of Brest (varies to user) but you will still not have a feminine voice :(

I'm sure that there is much more to it than that but that is the extent of my current knowledge on the subject.
For some reason I am sill very intrigued! And this comes from someone who has never tasted alcohol, used any drugs and doesn't even really take aspirin!

Still there is something about the allure....

[KatrinaAshley]

I've been there before. Just as Bre says it comes and goes. I have no desire to seek therapy and after realizing the cost and effort of travelling the full path as well as the potential imperfect outcomes I've learned that is solely for those who really need it. I don't feel attracted to either sex so I suppose that won't help me decide. In the end I've learned to take it as it comes and enjoy having access to both roles. Unless science invents a miracle I'm sure we will all have that curiosity and only be able to satisfy it as far as we're willing to take ourselves.

[Joni Beauman]

I suggest reading what Helen Boyd (in My Husband Betty) had to say about autogynophelia. Although I probably did not learn to spell it correctly, as a hypothesis that might explain some of the compelling reasons to cross dress, it made some sense to me, or at least I thought explained some of my cross dressing - the feeling of being deeply inspired by feminine beauty, making one want to be part of that essence. Joni

[vivianann]

I know exactly how you feel, I should have been born a girl, I am working on transitioning to living full time as a woman, however like you, I do not want to get a sex change. and as you get older you will identify more as a woman, because of the desire to be a woman.
I agree with you the female body is a beautiful creation. I am also very much attracted to the female also, so it makes for a difficult situation when it comes to having a relationship with a woman when you desire to look like one also. anyway welcome to the forum and know there are many of us that are experiencing the same thing in life like you are.:hugs:

[Zee]

To be honest I am totally scared as heck about having kids, so....This may be a bonus for some!

Lucky me that I am fixed... ;)

No more kids for me. Two is enough (believe me).

One must always be careful about hormones. Never rely on anyones opinion, you must do your own research and then, when the time is right, you can have a real sit down with your gender doctor armed with the knowledge that you have gained form your research.