I want to cry

[Mariah]

I feel so horrible right now, I keep coming close to crying. I just can't For some reason. Today was so Bad. I just need to talk about it. So this is that. Please forgive me.

My doctor took me off of spero, starting to day. So Not only is my T levels are going up giving me a really bad headache, It is also making my blood presser go through the roof! my chest hurts again like before, the lack of drive, hard to breath Etc. So I did not get any sleep to.

On my way to kia to get some parts my father needs my jeep blows it's engine! so I now have 2 cars needing engines. I had to walk 4 miles (I'm not allowed to walk more than 1 by my doctor!) in 35F weather (not allowed to be in weather below 60f) so I get there I basically fainted.

had a yelling match with my father about what to do with the jeep, then my bro his wife and there new baby came over. and she got into her new pc shit insulting me, say crap like I can't build a good pc (even though I been building them for damn near 17 years). I just redid my brother pc too. he was so mad he drove me home to make up for her. and the whole way as we were talking, he was saying things like "thinking of moving to Vermont so you can marry a man hu?" I just wanted to scream at him "I'm a damn woman you **** head and Bi shut the **** up!" but instead I bit my lip.

I get home just a little bit ago, and I can't download the dang files I need from my server that's at my parents house(where I was just at) so more time wasted.

Nothing is going right. I just don't know what to do anymore.
on top of that Some payments came through on my Debt card and my rent check has not cleared So my bank account (both of them I had to buy some food supplies for my parents) are over drawn on Monday. I don't payed until the 15th and it's going to be So small. my cellphone is turned off, So I can't work to well because my work requires a cell phone. So I go to put money on my prepaid. and it turned off and I have to buy a new one because ATT bought out the comp. So I get one from vergin mobile. $35 that I don't have. I just can't take this shit anymore. I feel so alone, sad, Tired, and defeated.

Thank you for your time of reading this and replying, I think I'll go cry now.

keris

[AmberTG]

I wish there was something I could do to help you out right now! If I wasn't so far away, I'd be in a better position to help. It sounds like you have enough crap in your life right now for two people! Just hang in there and know that there are people out here who do care about you!

[Sally2005]

Do something you know you will enjoy and forget about the other stuff for a while. If you are doing stuff as a favour and people are complaining it is time to set them free and spend your time doing something that gives you enjoyment back. I hope things go better for you tomorrow.

[Zee]

Let it out. I can really feel your pain. I have been through many situations similar to your situation right now, so I know there is not a single bit of advice I can offer you to help you feel better. Just know that you are not alone.

A good cry can do wonders....
:hugs:

[Ðarissa]

That's a lot of trouble for one person to deal with. I hope you're going to be ok. I agree with Sally, if the people you do stuff for, don't appreciate your efforts, then forget them for now and do something for you. Whatever you decide, good luck and I hope at the very least that your headache gets better.

[Scotty]

I see part of myself in that post, part of myself from long ago.

For one, I fix computers as well and have been in the business for a very long time.

I've had someone tell me that. And then when the person that FIXED that computer realized it was not truly fixed (Spyware) and who are they gonna call.

Well not me! First place was a shop, $250 later they still have spyware.
Next shop, $100, still have spyware and things are worse.

Hard drive dies, who do they call? PLease save my data!

I saved it, got it on DVD for them, put a new drive in and handed them a DVD and told them to make backups.

Your work in this world will speak for itself, good or bad, right or wrong.
I am the go-to person when people cannot find someone else that can fix it, and that's not bragging that's just how it is.
It comes from self-confidence in knowing OR NOT KNOWING and admitting it.
Not knowing means you have research to do etc.

Keep that in mind, tell yourself it does not matter as you have plenty of happy customers.

Now, no disrespect intended as I feel your pain - but I do want people to know that this is a primary reason why some of us cannot, or will not think about SRS and crossing over. I have too much to lose and those same words would come from my own family I fear.

Lastly, I've recently had some negative friends in my life and it feels like it drags you down, like an emotional vampire. I removed those friends from my life, because NO friends is still better than vampire friends.

[MJ]

Hun let me tell you about my hell of a year to date :eek:... but it is just better that i send you loads of hugs :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
it is always darkest before the dawn

[Genifer Teal]

Lastly, I've recently had some negative friends in my life and it feels like it drags you down, like an emotional vampire. I removed those friends from my life, because NO friends is still better than vampire friends.



Very true!

[Mariah]

AmberTG: I wish you were closer too!

Sally2005:my hobbies are working on my Cars (opps can't do!) and working on my computers, which I don't feel like messing with over surfing this site. :( I'm a little better today. had a ruff night trying to sleep micro seazers suck. but I got 2hrs of sleep.

thanks zee. :)

Ðarissa: thanks, The headache will not go away. I have had it for 20 years. and the only thing that got rid of it was the Spero and the trial of Esergen. but don't have it anymore. So I have to wait and have this horrable headache. thanks though.

scottie!!! :) I been slowly closing my business I only do work for my family and one business right now. just to burnt out on it and have other things I need to do. ;) so I work a "shit" job and have no friends and a small but supportave family. so that's a good thing ... I think.

MJ:Thanks for the hugs!!! I do need them. *^_^*


Thanks everyone it seams anymore, this place is the only place I can vent and cry. and for that I am greatful.

keris

[Scotty]

scottie!!! :) I been slowly closing my business I only do work for my family and one business right now. just to burnt out on it and have other things I need to do. ;) so I work a "shit" job and have no friends and a small but supportave family. so that's a good thing ... I think.
keris

I used to have one of those but the same skillset you have, I took a chance and went into that industry back in 1995 even though I had been running my own small business doing PC's. It paid off in a VERY big way.

Something to think about, it may be an entry level tech support for some software company but most companies will support training you and investing a bit of money in you....

The industry pays anywhere between 50k and 100k a year.
(and they don't mind pierced ears!)

[Mariah]

true, though software is noware near my forte. dang LD lol.
I need to get out of collage before going into a good job.
I started my computer comp back in 98 when I was in 9th grade. :) only made one problem, I trusted a friend as a partner lol.

I think I need a nice hot bath, that would be nice I think.

keris

[Nicki B]

Keris, why did the Dr take you off the Spiro?? Is it causing health problems?

[Mariah]

he want see see how far down my Blood presser went on it, and now he wan't to see how far it goes back up. he does not want to put me on blood presser meds permently if I don't need it. I have an appoment with him some time next month to see.

*^_^*
keris

[Zee]

The pressures of running a computer business are huge. I have my own business, but now, it is more on the side than something I can make a full blown job out of anymore. 3 factors caused it to crater, the Canadian Dollars strength (for the last three years, it has been just as cheap to go with American companies), the internet tech bubble, and the hidously low mark-up on most computer componenets.

My company did a lot too...
- Hosted Email and Websites
- Database design and implimentation
- Web application development
- Software application development
- Corporate Security
- Outsourced IT skills (that is to say a third party IT for small business)
- Marketing strategy and graphical design
- Multimedia training material development
- Network design and implimentation
- Computer repair

In a company of four, we were very busy and very close. We travelled all over North America for all our clients, had excellent bandwidth for our servers (ran out of my basement, didn't really need to turn on the heat in the winter) and such. Over the last 3 years, many of our clients went with cheaper solutions which really did us in. They are starting to come back to us, all be it slowly, as we offered great customer services and we really were not that expensive for what we brought to the table. They are realizing this now, but the damage has been done.

I can understand the stress involved. I understand the burn out feeling. I haven't done much of the above list for the last year and a half, and I am not sure if I really want to. Right now I work for a financial company writing letters, and all though it is stressful, its no where near as stressful as running a company.

Enjoy your bath... they always make me feel better too....

[Mariah]

zee, my comp did most of that too. We were a 2 man op I did the work, and my partner handled the books (see the problem with that I didn't).
I was the 4th largest computer comp in town when I got my store front I had to higher 4 people to help! now there are over 30 diffrent "business" mostly collage students. and best buy there is no room for it. and all the business (even WV's Gov!) uses PCS so, the whole marketablity is gone. time to move on to what I Truely want to do, instead of getting burned out on making my hobby a job. ya know?

I'm happer not working on computers for others (besides family) now.
ya bath is going to be nice, but I have some stuff I need to do first (dishest and lunch lol)

keris

[Siobhan Marie]

Oh Keris honey, I don't know what to say or do that'll help you thorugh this rough patch.

What I do know is that I'm here for you and believe me I feel your pain. What I can say is "come here you" (goes over Keris and gives her the big kiss and the cuddle that she needs right now). :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Honey, you ever need someone to talk to, you can PM or email anytime.

:hugs: Siobhán x

[Mariah]

thanks Siobhan *hugs* back *^_^*

keris