So what am I?

[Kali]

In light of recent threads...

I will never be "passable." I underdress daily, and often wear outer clothes which are feminine. I work for myself and from home and usually dress completely if I'm not going to need to go out, though I dress pretty much like a middle-age woman (my age) would dress, not a hooker or teenage girl (though I have those styles in my closet and wear them at my SO's request).

I'm not interested in transitioning; I'm happy as a man. But I'm never more relaxed and comfortable then when dressed on women's clothes; the feeling of having breasts that move when I do, the fabrics used in women's clothes that aren't used in men's, earlings, brushing my neck, the texture of lipstick on my lids. It all just feels "right."

My SO often tells me that its just a fetish and done for sexual arousal, but she reluctantly will agree that I'm rarely aroused simply by being dressed; that I am more responsive and sensual when dressed and she is interacting with me sexually it is undoubtedly true that being dressed makes me a better lover, but is that the act of crossdressing or simply the effect that crossdressing has on my overall well being?


i've pointed out to my SO and a few others, that crossdressing is part of who I am. It makes me happy and comfortable to do it. I would love to be able to dress in public, though regardless of how innoucuously I dressed in woman's clothes, if I went the whole 9 yards I would draw attention. I draw attention as a man in public; my dressing as a woman would certainly be making a statement.

I can dress in public only at fetish events, which automatically labels me a a certain "type" of person, regardless of the accuracy of that label.

None of my gay friends know I crossdress, despite my having gone to halloween parties with them more than once dressed as a woman (tastefully; not as a "drag queen"), none of my straight friends know I dress, it would simply confuse them. And none of my TS friends know I dress, including one who lived with us for 8 months when she had no where to go due to family and employer reactiosn to her decision to transition. And if I show up at a fetish event dressed, and it's in that party of the D/s community that knows me, I get complimented on my willingness to experiment with what the other side feels.


I don't think there is an easy term to describe what I am, and attempting to lable my identity would only be for the comfort of others, so they can pigeonhole me in their minds and return to the safety of their preconceptions.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Kali

You are individual who is part of this community

How you choose to express that is your choice which is why you seem to have a lot of different thoughts on the matter

The main thing is being happy with who you are :hugs:

[Joy Carter]

Kali you just do what makes you happy. The heck with what others may say.
PS: If you look better than me, why not go out ? :D

[Cristi]

You are... me!

You've pretty much described my situation and level of crossdressing to a 'T' (the only difference being that I DO go out in public once in a while, but not anywhere I'd be recognized).

When I started off dressing, it was certainly for the 'excitement', but now it is just who I am. Until recently, I worked from home as well and spent most days dressed unless I had to go out. Even now, working at an office again, I tend to dress just about every moment I am home... but it isn't for excitement, it is just what I wear! Also, like you, I underdress 100% of the time, no matter how I am presenting on the surface. It just makes me feel better somehow.

Your SO also sounds like she is at about the same level of acceptance as mine. Basically, she sees no problem with what kind of clothes I like to wear... they are just clothes. So I am the same person to her regardless of whether I am wearing a skirt and stockings, or jeans and a t-shirt.

The one observation I have about your situation is that from what you typed it sounds like you have plenty of friends who WOULD accept you for who you are. Perhaps over time you'll find yourself more and more willing to open up to them.

Maybe you don't know 'who you are' because YOU are trying to see things in black and white. Either a 'straight male' or a 'gay crossdresser' or transgendered person, while in reality there is probably no such thing as a person who fits EITHER definition... just millions of people who fall at different points on a spectrum between those definitions.

BTW: Great legs, I'm jealous. :)

PS: I've also gone to several Halloween parties as a woman. I'm thinking that to a lot of people, if you go enfemme but NOT in 'drag' or over the top in some way, they probablyh at least suspect that you are a crossdresser. Most non-cd people who do 'drag' for halloween do it for laughs or play it up.... only us crossdressers make a serious effort to look like an 'every day' female.

[Nicki B]

Kali, I'm not sure why you're asking the question? Why would you want someone else to pigeonhole you - just be happy as yourself...

But I do get the feeling you feel a need to go further?

[Kali]

Kali, I'm not sure why you're asking the question? Why would you want someone else to pigeonhole you - just be happy as yourself...

But I do get the feeling you feel a need to go further?

My post was primarily an attempt to get people thinking about what a CD is, more than anything else. I really hate labels, but most people need them to be comfortable.

Do I need to go further? Possibly; I'm an edge player in most of what I do, but it really isn't a issue to me from that aspect. For example, I have a beard. That obviously is a limiting factor. My SO and I are planning a vacation that will be centered around a long weekend fetish event and she wants me to be en femme the entire time. We've talked about going to a nail salon and getting our nails done and our legs waxed. When she asked me if I wanted to shave off my beard I was completely surprised. That had never entered my mind; I've always had a beard. It's just another part of who I am.

Would it make it easier for me to spend a few days enfemme in public? Absolutely. Would it make me any less noticible/ Probably not. I'm 6'5 and pretty masculine looking. My biggest concern for going away is actually losing a bunch of weight so I don't look like a fat guy in womens fetish clothes ;)

[Ruth]

If you hate labels, don't go looking for them. Since you enjoy wearing women's clothes, you are in the crossdressing community, but that's not so much a label as a declaration of what you do. No further label is necessary or desirable.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

Kali, you are YOU, period.

Everyone else can rot ;)

*hugs*
Zara

[Deanna2]

Why don't you just label yourself as happy or satisfied - or both?

[Carla Mel]

Keli you definitivly are a crossdresser. You are happy as a man, you enjoy being "en femme": makes you feeling good, and arouses you, and you are not passbale. Keli you have just defined 99,99 % of the crossdressers.
What's the problem then.
I understand you have two issues. One is with other people eyes, the other is with sexuality. And both are linked.
Crossdresser who go out want to be treated as a woman, don't want to have to stand laugh or violence (verbal or worse) from others.
I don't remember the exact quotation, but know Cocteau once wrote about a transgendered artist who was equilibrist, and he found out that this transvestite was magnificent because she was walking head up on a string without falling in ridicoulous or vulgarity.
So that's what we want all to be and equilibrist never falling in ridicoulous or vulgarity. And you do the right things, what you wear, where you go, with what peiople you dress is a school of equilibrium you can learn how to kepp heads up. You have the chance to get help from your SO (please give her a kiss from me), and nothing to worry about you not being passable. Not passable crossdressers (even with beard) with attitude, not vulgar nor ridiculous because they keep their head up, can be admirable.
So please enjoy.
Kisses
Carla

[Billijo49504]

Hmmm! Let me take a guess, I would say you probably are a human being, who is just trying to make it from day to day. How that grab ya???..BJ

[trannie T]

Since you're 6'5" you have the potential to be a good drag queen, just double or triple your makeup, get some sequins, some rhinestones and some platform heels and you'll be outstanding!
In the meantime you are what you are. From reading the posts for a couple years here I've learned that each one of us unique.

[Vicky_Scot]

Since you're 6'5" you have the potential to be a good drag queen, just double or triple your makeup, get some sequins, some rhinestones and some platform heels and you'll be outstanding!
In the meantime you are what you are. From reading the posts for a couple years here I've learned that each one of us unique.

I do not know about Kali but if I was her and after writing a very heartfelt post for someone to say that I would make a good Drag Queen I would be offended.

Being a CD and being a DQ are poles apart.

Kali you are who you are, be proud of that fact and hold your head high.

[Kali]

I do not know about Kali but if I was her and after writing a very heartfelt post for someone to say that I would make a good Drag Queen I would be offended.

Being a CD and being a DQ are poles apart.

Kali you are who you are, be proud of that fact and hold your head high.


I'm not offended by the comment; I just take in in the spirit of humor in which I hope it was intended.

I am who I am. I accept that and don't really feel the need to define it. On ething I am is a very private person and I only open up about my crossdressing here and with my SO.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Well Kali you are a crossdresser with a great pair of legs and really nice shoes and hose. I always had a mustache but since I go out a lot now I have been clean shaven for the last 5 years, I really want to present as a woman when I am out en-femme, even though I would have hell to pay trying to "pass". I am only 5'7" and 170 so I have it quite a bit easier than you do but I say do what makes you feel good and too bad for any one that has a problem with it. I always wished that I was taller but now I see why I am not, God actually did me this favor since I do not want to stand out and really try to look as feminine as I can while dressed.

[Nicolette01]

Kali- hello from a new member. One of the most important things I am learning here is that if your crossdressing makes you happy and for whatever reason you do it, continue to do so. If you don't feel like coming out for reasons of not being passable, don't. Give it some time, talk to the members here as you will learn through their experiences what to do and not to do, and do it on your own time, when you feel ready.There is no one answer that will work for everyone's situation. You will sort it all out in due time.

[StacyCD]

I don't get to go out very often, but I've gotten to the point that when I do I really don't care that 99.9% recognize me as a guy in a dress. I used to be terrified about not 'passing.' Now I don't care anymore. It's not that I don't try to present as a woman, I just know that I won't fool too many people (except the blind and deaf). However, I am happy presenting as a female and just doing ordinary things like going for a walk or to a movie or, of course, shopping. Seek happiness from within and be comfortable with who you are! Have fun!!

[Joann0830]

Kali when you interact with your spouse its because you feel very relaxed and happy that you can be the real you and still perform in the other mode. I find that when you dressed and interact I find that I feel so comfortable and very sexy!! Joann0830:heehee::heehee::love::doll: