advice anybody?

[SAMANTHA_IN_MT]

I sit here during this holiday season reflecting upon my childhood and wonder if where I started is fully responsible for where I am at in life. I grew up with out a father in my life at all, a child of a single mother who was emotionally unavailable and more attentive to her social life than to her children. At age 10 my sister was borne and I ended up being the surrogate father figure for her. My only escape was the few moments I stole away for dressing or just playing in my room, dressing was taken from me at age 12 when my mother caught me and sent me to counciling sure that there was something mentaly wrong with a boy wearing womens clothes. ( it really worked lol). The problem that faces me this season is my own children. My kids live with my ex-wife (who divorced me due in part to dressing). I am having a hard time being the "good father" for them. I really dont want to cheat them of a wonderfull childhood but I dont want to expose them to my misgivings or my attitude about my family ie: mother. While I know that Christmas is the hardest season for a lot of people and suicide rates are double this time of year, that is not an option at all even though I would be lying if I said I have never considered it. I guess what I am looking for throught all this rambling is how do some of you deal with this issue? I have done some resurch and found there is quite a few crossdressers that did not have a male figure in there lives. I hope I dont boar you too much by my story but I'm just hoping for somebody that understands and may be able to offer some advice.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Hang in there Samantha, be the best dad you can be and that will be enough for your kids. Children are very well able to handle many situations and if you try your best they will see that and respect you for it. I had and still do the most wonderful father in the world, he does not know of my crossdressing but am sure if he ever found out he would be OK with it. I have 4 kids that do not know about Sandra Michelle and we try to keep it that way as I have always been there dad and it would be a big shock if they found out. They are all adults now so if they did find out I am certain they would handle it Ok but why find out if it does not affect them as it is now.
Good luck with your situation, everything happens for a reason and your crossdressing is not the worst thing that could be, not being here would be far worse and your kids need you in whatever way they can get you.

[Laurie]

I sit here during this holiday season reflecting upon my childhood and wonder if where I started is fully responsible for where I am at in life. I grew up with out a father in my life at all, a child of a single mother who was emotionally unavailable and more attentive to her social life than to her children. At age 10 my sister was borne and I ended up being the surrogate father figure for her. My only escape was the few moments I stole away for dressing or just playing in my room, dressing was taken from me at age 12 when my mother caught me and sent me to counciling sure that there was something mentaly wrong with a boy wearing womens clothes. ( it really worked lol). The problem that faces me this season is my own children. My kids live with my ex-wife (who divorced me due in part to dressing). I am having a hard time being the "good father" for them. I really dont want to cheat them of a wonderfull childhood but I dont want to expose them to my misgivings or my attitude about my family ie: mother. While I know that Christmas is the hardest season for a lot of people and suicide rates are double this time of year, that is not an option at all even though I would be lying if I said I have never considered it. I guess what I am looking for throught all this rambling is how do some of you deal with this issue? I have done some resurch and found there is quite a few crossdressers that did not have a male figure in there lives. I hope I dont boar you too much by my story but I'm just hoping for somebody that understands and may be able to offer some advice.

Samantha, just wanted to extend a hug to you. You know that suicide is not a solution -- it only makes things worse for everyone. I can't pretend to understand what you are going through or to be able to offer useful advice. But you are a caring father and I think you should just focus on loving your kids - don't worry or talk about mom. I grew up with a loving mom and dad. It would be a shame if your kids lost you in their lives. :hugs: