Need some advice please

[Laurie]

Ok, this is an appeal for help and guidance to those more experienced than me. So several other CDers have expressed interest about meeting up and I am excited by the idea too. (I have never done this before.) But now I am starting to have reservations. Maybe I am a bit too trusting and naive sometimes. Have any of you had bad experiences with meeting others? What exactly happened? I had thought about hosting at my gf's place, but now it occurs to me that might be a bad idea. I am thinking that if something bad happens, it would be hard for me to go to the police. What sort of things should I think about or do to protect myself? Set up safewords, discuss protection, that sort thing?

There was another recent thread where some recommended meeting the person in drab first, but I kind of think that ruins the whole fantasy role-playing doesn't it? I dunno....

I was thinking it would be great if there was some sort of review system (kind of like the ebay feedback system) where you could rate other people. That way you could build up some sort of trust in strangers that you have never met before. Alternatively, it would be nice to just have some positive reports from long-time posters here that you trust. Normally I am not a big risk-taker and I try to live responsibly. So ladies -- any advice about how to play safe?

[Leohose]

meeting the person in drab first, is a good idea, if you like wear some things underneath, then the rest in a bag, safety, and comfort, is important as is being comfortable, know where you are going and have cab fare back.





Ok, this is an appeal for help and guidance to those more experienced than me. So several other CDers have expressed interest about meeting up and I am excited by the idea too. (I have never done this before.) But now I am starting to have reservations. Maybe I am a bit too trusting and naive sometimes. Have any of you had bad experiences with meeting others? What exactly happened? I had thought about hosting at my gf's place, but now it occurs to me that might be a bad idea. I am thinking that if something bad happens, it would be hard for me to go to the police. What sort of things should I think about or do to protect myself? Set up safewords, discuss protection, that sort thing?

There was another recent thread where some recommended meeting the person in drab first, but I kind of think that ruins the whole fantasy role-playing doesn't it? I dunno....

I was thinking it would be great if there was some sort of review system (kind of like the ebay feedback system) where you could rate other people. That way you could build up some sort of trust in strangers that you have never met before. Alternatively, it would be nice to just have some positive reports from long-time posters here that you trust. Normally I am not a big risk-taker and I try to live responsibly. So ladies -- any advice about how to play safe?

[Laurie]

Is it ok to host at your own place?

[Amy Lynn3]

Keep yourself safe by all means. Another idea is to get to know someone over the net, in open forum like we talk here. First meetings should be in a neutral place, carry a friend to set near by, if you meet in a cafe just in case. Instruct the friend to follow you if you leave. Have a way to communicate with your friend if you need to.
Just remember, put your trust in God and others must be tested and earn it.

[Brianna1]

Hi Laurie,
It's always good to meet in a public place and have primed a friend who can help you if you need it, or have a prearranged signal that you send by a certain time to the friend so they know you are ok i.e. a txt message. A bdsm group I was in used to have coffee meets with trusted members of the group before a prospect was able to come to meetings etc. That was always done in regular garb in open places, for instance a mall. Or take a friend who stays in the background and leaves when they see all is well. I know you may not have a group, obviously that is the intended reason for meeting. Just giving ideas that can be adapted to your meeting. There is always the future for arranging meetings when you are dressed up. Personal safety is paramount when you don't know who you are meeting. Good luck!

[LisaElizabeth]

Hi all,

Laurie, I see you are in the Chicago area. Have you been to 'Transformations' in Arlington Heights?
Also I have ben out in the Chicago area whenever I get a chance to get there for the past 5 years. Really nice 'T' friendly places to go!!
I would suggest meeting at either A Chi-Tri-Ess meeting or a CGS meeting. Lots of other CD/TS there.
Or... Arrange a 'Girl's Night Out'. Take your GF with you, invite the other girl/girls to join you! The Kit Kat Klub on north Halstead is great! It's just a short walk to either 'Circuits Dance Club' or a few blocks walk to 'Gentry's' a gay piano bar that is 'T' friendly.
Use a hotel for the night to change and to stay with your GF, She will appreciate the specialness of the hotel along with you and her feeling safer about your private life remaining secure.
First meeting is like a first date! Nothing should happen except for a fun night out!!
Let us know what you decide!!
Huggs,
Lisa Elizabeth

[Laurie]

I do appreciate the advice ladies, but I have two problems. 1) No one else knows about my crossdressing, aside from my gf, so I can't really have a friend keep an eye on me. 2) I have never gone outside en femme and am not ready to. Guess I will have to figure this out.

[DonnaT]

If you aren't ready to venture out enfemme, then I would suggest meeting in drab at a coffee shop or similar.

My first meeting with someone from this forum was at a mall, in drab.

I met another person from another forum at her house, since she was hosting a support group meeting, and I went drab and changed there.

So far, all the people I've met from this or other forums have been just as great in person as they were online.

http://www.islandgirlstg.com/

[Nicole Erin]

If another T-girl would be coming to your place, just make sure they know you are looking for friends/fellowship and not some sex encounter. If people think it is going to be a sex encounter, you WILL get some disgusting creep at your place [fat hairy guy in a g-string with bad breath and bad manners].

In my experience, most CD's are not looking for a roll in the hay. Some are, but most just want the company of those who understand our lifestyle and will not act stupid about it.

Of course sometimes intimate encounters do eventually happen between "sisters" but by then you know each other.

I think in most cases, another CD would be the best person to intro into our "pretty" world. Most are down to earth. If us girls cannot trust each other, who can we trust?

Of course always be safe, cause SOME CD's have NO manners, inhibitions, and are scary people. Fortunately, it is those "girls" who are not good at acting, they are usually very direct and quick to want to "play". I have met only 2 who were like that.

[Toni Shelton]

I have met a few. It was really nice to meet another CDer. I love to meet others and talk about all we enjoy and the things we go thru. I would love to meet more and I am playing no Games.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Nobody has mentioned that you shouldn't just meet another person in a private place WITHOUT building a friendship over MONTHS, not two emails. I have not had bad experiences because I only meet with sisters I have known for a while and feel I can trust as far as motives, desires, etc are concerned. Common sense will not get you into trouble, carelessness will.


Emily Ann

[Scotty]

Nobody has mentioned that you shouldn't just meet another person in a private place WITHOUT building a friendship over MONTHS, not two emails. I have not had bad experiences because I only meet with sisters I have known for a while and feel I can trust as far as motives, desires, etc are concerned. Common sense will not get you into trouble, carelessness will.


Emily Ann

Wise words.

The mind is the most powerful weapon - use it to avoid ending up in a situation where you might have to use your body as a weapon.

[Shelly Preston]

No one else knows about my crossdressing, aside from my gf.

Think carefully this can be done in small easy steps get to know them before even thinking about meeting
Meeting in drab the first time is always a good idea unless its an organised event Tri ess meeting etc
I would not invite them to your home unless you know them very very well
Have they met anyone else you know ?

Can your girfriend be the one to keep you safe

Think about what your motives are for meeting and theirs too

Good luck whatever you decide

[renee k]

If you aren't ready to venture out enfemme, then I would suggest meeting in drab at a coffee shop or similar.

My first meeting with someone from this forum was at a mall, in drab.

I met another person from another forum at her house, since she was hosting a support group meeting, and I went drab and changed there.

So far, all the people I've met from this or other forums have been just as great in person as they were online.

http://www.islandgirlstg.com/

Hi All, I met Lynn McArthur from this forum yesterday for coffee and had a wonderful visit. I look forward to many more meetings like this one with other members here.

Huggs, Renee

[Alex!]

Always meet in a public place first. Also, meeting in drab is a good idea. Tri-Ess has some definite protocols on this sort of thing that will be useful to review (http://www.tri-ess.org/).

[Stephenie S]

Nobody has mentioned that you shouldn't just meet another person in a private place WITHOUT building a friendship over MONTHS, not two emails. I have not had bad experiences because I only meet with sisters I have known for a while and feel I can trust as far as motives, desires, etc are concerned. Common sense will not get you into trouble, carelessness will.


Emily Ann

This is good advice and you should heed it.

99% of us are great people who you would be proud to invite to your home and to call friend.

But if someone arrives at your house expecting a sexual encounter and you don't put out, you might have a sticky uncomfortable problem on your hands. Always, always, get to know someone BEFORE you invite them into your home. This is just common sense, and you probably do it already in other aspects of your life. You may really like the guy at the convenience store or the teller at your bank, but you may have to get to know them really well before you invite them to dinner.

I have told this story before on this forum, but I will tell it again now. Years ago my sweetie and I would travel to Boston from our small New England town to participate in a BD/SM organization. We met a fellow who seemed a nice guy, and we told him that if he was ever up in our neck of the woods he should look us up.

Well, one Saturday morning as we were getting the kids ready for a canoe trip and picnic on the lake, here was this guy at our door, all decked out in black leather and chains, whips, and leashes, ready for a scene. So we had to ask him to go away. He left with no problems, but it COULD have been a really unpleasant situation.

That's not quite the same, but just an example of what can happen when you don't communicate fully. So be carefull. Get to know your house guests BEFORE you invite them into your home, and make sure you both know what to expect.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[charllote34]

Is it ok to host at your own place?

Thats a big NO NO!!! never give out your address to anyone you dont know thats asking for trouble , meet in a bar or restaurant first .

[satinsissy]

So much great advice here. Be cautious. Be safe

[CamillaCD]

I may be repeating others, but I would think the quickest and safest way to have some role play with others is to join a local support group and attend their meetings. Maybe not if the meeting is in a public space :o . Not everyone has your passion for the ultra femme style, but I am pretty sure you will get lots of compliments wearing a dress like the one in your avatar. Just being with others and dressed like that would feel great I imagine. I may be wrong, but I am assuming that this is what you want.

If joining a support group is difficult I would take small steps when finding a friend to share your love for being dolled up. Meeting in drab at a public space first is a must. Perhaps go shopping. Making such a friend and feeling safe being with him isn't done in a jiffy.

By the way, I would love to have a go at your ultra femme look. I have looked at the website you mentioned in your introduction thread and I don't think I can resist the temptation :D .

[Seville]

Go to Be-All next year. You will meet plenty of others there from
the greater Chicago area and you can pick and choose who you
would like to meet.

Lotsa nice people there!:happy:

[Nicki B]

Is it ok to host at your own place?

Is it wise to let someone know so much about yourself so early in a relationship, do you think? Why not book a hotel room as a neutral place, if you haven't been out in public before? :strugglin

[LisaElizabeth]

Hi all,
The only reason I mentioned 'transformations By Rori' in arlington heights is that they are 'T' specific. rori and her staff do complete makeovers and have everything you need to by 'plain jane' or 'glamour babe'! Also there are 3-4 places right across the street for a short outing. (Coffee, or dinner, you choose.
I know the Chi-tri-ess group meets in Oak brook. You have to e-mail them for where....
Going out for the first time IS scary!! But with your GF with you, it is much safer!
Always, always think safety!! I agree that you DO NOT meet at your home the first time!!
I have always met new girls at my hotel or at rori's shop, after I started going out.
I met a few nice girls at a 't' party and have been out with a couple of them since. ALWAYS meeting away from our homes and keeping our privacy.
My wife has been out with me 3 times and I must admit I do feel safer with her along. She has been a girl all her life!!! So she is so-o-o much more aware when a situation is getting strange. Having your GF along is a good idea for the same reason.
I say, Meet somewhere neutral and go out for dinner!! then end the night at 'hunter's', a 'T' friendly gay bar!!
you will always remember your first night out!!
Lisa Elizabeth

[Emily Ann Brown]

Stephanie S's story reminded me of one a naive sister once told me about meeting new people......

This sister met this new girl online somewhere (not here that I know of) and after 10 minutes decided to accept an invite to their home to dress and chat. She arrived dressed and was ushered into a very dimly candlelit living room. She got the willies, and decided to ask if the lights could be turned on. The host obliged immediately......there were satanic symbols and associated decorations all over the room. She "laid rubber" getting out of there quick.

While mathmetics proves the chances of picking a winning lottery ticket is one in seven million, life experiences prove your chances of picking the one bad egg in seven million is substantially better!


Emily Ann

[Nicole Erin]

I do think too much caution would drive people away. people tend to take too much distrust personally. Ya gotta know them somewhat, I don't think it takes months, but if you have at least talked on the phone a few times you can get an idea of who they are. Here is some good news about the weirdos and creeps -
Most of them reveal their ugly colors pretty fast. Usually within the first conversation or first meeting [in public or not]

If you talk to someone in real life or the web who just seems creepy from the get-go, don't bother with them. Creeps out themselves normally REAL fast.

I think also, the question you should ask yourself is how you would feel if you and the person WERE alone and he/she wanted to be intimate, I mean if this is a meeting where they know of your CD'ing. And if you meet, analyse how easy/difficult it would be to bail out if things did go wrong.

True creeps are not hard to spot. Just don't drive away the good ones by being too cautious. And never say "Well, I think we should get to know each other first" cause really, you cannot know someone over the phone too well. And in public, if you are a nervous wreck or fumbling with your cell or mace, the person won't be inviting you out again.

[Laurie]

Thanks everyone for taking the time to write these thoughtful responses. It certainly is nice to know that you all care - even if we have never met in person. Also, I feel that we all share a common bond -- that something few in society accept and even fewer understand. Actually, I don't think I really understand myself why I do this, but have come to accept it somewhat because I do enjoy it. It is nice to know that there are others who understand what it feels like to have such an intimate secret and people who genuinely understand such a basic element that forms who you are as a human being. I wish it were logistically easier to meet many of you in person, chat as friends, and share our common experiences.

Hugs to each of you, :hugs:
Laurie