It's ok to be different

[battybattybats]

Over my time here I've seen a lot of concern about the ramifications of being different.

People hiding because they are different. People keeping things from their children so their children do not suffer for being different.

I just want to speak up and say:
It's O.K. to be different!

Now sure you might suffer at the hands or words of those who fear difference. I have myself. Being a non-sporty intellectual in a small rural town I had a lot of conflict come my way. In fact my being different in that way had someone try and run me down on my way home from school! Not for wearing a skirt or ebing a goth, at that point my outrageous behaviour was in not going to sports and reading thick books in public!

But you know what? There is suffering on both sides of the choice. The suffering of hiding away. The suffering of not being free to be who you are. Which suffering is worse?

Well suffering for being who you are can be good for you. It can, sometimes, help you to learn to be strong, help you to realise what's important in life, helping you to learn to fight for yourself and for others.

But also being yourself or not can also cause suffering to others. Being yourself can cause those around you that are not comfortable with who you are to suffer. Like the healing of a wound, or the suffering of life-saving surgery this pain is perhaps neccessary for growth. It could be considered a good suffering to inflict because through that suffering that person can slowly become accustomed and the suffering will ease. Not so many men feel suffering sharing their workplace with women anymore or going to school or university with girls. Yet at one point brave girls and women did inflict that suffering on others and most of them got over it and the world is better for it.

Then there is the suffering of those who care about you who may feel a taste of that suffering because you are different, they may feel a taste of discrimination, what will the other kids at school say? What will the neighbours think? But through that suffering those loved-ones will get a taste of what it is to be a minority and will gain a chance of insight that may prevent them from being bigoted to others.

And if you hide? The people you encounter will suffer by not being faced with the new. They will suffer from not having their point of view stretched. Some will suffer because they will not have the example you would form to do likewise and be themselves. Your loved ones will suffer from not sharing in who you are, or the rest of who you are. They will suffer from not being exposed to difference or the importance of expressing, celebrating and defending difference.

It's ok to be different. It's ok not to compromise to fit in with others.
Now I've done that as an intellectual, I've done that as a goth. I have messed about a little in public with gender norms, my hair has been long since the late 80's. My nails have been long on and off for over a decade and have been more painted black than not for more than 5 years. I've even once or twice been out in eyeshadow etc and black lipstick.

But that said, admittedly I haven't been out fully dressed in public yet. Being disabled, single and reliant on puiblic transport these days I'm less ready to rely on my old martial arts skills so I'm taking my time on this one on safety grounds. But it's a matter of time, of when (and how) not if.

Difference adds value to everyones lives. Even through struggle and discomfort. It's good. It's ok. And, having come out to most of my family and most of my friends and getting overhwelmingly positive responses many people are ok with difference too.

[docrobbysherry]

I DO appreciate your desire to go out in public, whether u pass or not. U and others like u, have my greatest support and sympathies. U r doing the heavy lifting for all transgendered folks.
However, there r reasons for CD's, etc., NOT to go out dressed. I for one, can fantasize about going out as Sherry. But Sherry only exists in my mind, pics and mirror. I don't wish to go out as an, " old man in a dress". I do not feel like I'm a man in a woman's body. So, I don't have your need to dress and show my "true" self to the world.
I have a young daughter who already struggles with splitting time between me and my divorced ex-wife. My ex is a nut ball. My daughter is shy, immature, and has little confidence or self esteem. So her dad starts pransing around in dresses, and then we r completely ostrasized from the other families. Never mind the crap she'll get at school!
That makes no sense to me, even if I weren't divorced.
Why should children suffer for their parent's insensibilities? They shouldn't have to, but DO!
Batty, I think I understand your needs. But, as U said, not every CD is like u. Or ME!
RS

[Nicki B]

I for one, can fantasize about going out as Sherry. But Sherry only exists in my mind, pics and mirror. I don't wish to go out as an, " old man in a dress".

In the UK certainly, there are dressing services who are brilliant in turning you into all you possibly could be - tbh, you do sound as if you've made up your mind to limit yourself??


My daughter is shy, immature, and has little confidence or self esteem. So her dad starts pransing around in dresses, and then we r completely ostrasized from the other families. Never mind the crap she'll get at school!

On the other hand - how do you teach her to be proud of the person she is and that what matters is who people really are, not what they look like on the outside? She needs to learn that one day, why not sooner rather than later?

I'm not suggesting putting her under even more peer pressure - but it feels like you're abdicating atm, and using her as an excuse?

You don't have to 'prance around' on your doorstep, for a start? :idontknow:

[Eugenie]

Difference adds value to everyones lives. Even through struggle and discomfort. It's good.

Dear Batty,

As a long time advocates in the field of anti discrimination, primarily in the case of disabilities and more particularly autism, I find your post excellent. Difference is a value to the community and should hence be far more respected.

Creativity nevr came from people who just conform to "the norm"...

And yes, it isn't always easy to be different, be it for the person or for her family and friends. But it is difference that makes life so interesting.

Let me quote a very brilliant description of hard creativity:

Hard creativity [is when] “the world has turned out differently not just from the way we thought it would, but even from the way we thought it could”

M. A. Boden, "The Creative Mind, Myths and Mechanisms", Basic Book, 1992

Well, sometimes our coming out may feel like that to our friends and families... Hard creativity from our part:happy:

So let's be different as well as members of society.

:hugs:
Eugenie

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

Hi,
I've never had the urge to do this a lot, but the whole secrecy thing was a burden in the early days. Once I decided to tell just about everyone I know what I do... the tension was gone completely.

Being different (for me) is half the fun and my true friends stuck around afterwards ;)

*much hugs for an awesome post*
Zara

[JoAnnDallas]

battybattybats.....wrote


I just want to speak up and say:
It's O.K. to be different!

your starting to sound like Dr. Phil. :D

[Kate Simmons]

Yep, I thrive on it myself Batty.:happy:

[charllote34]

Good post Batty . Can we compare ourselfs to other people that are oppressed ? can I ? in my case no. in others perhaps. You see the point is crossdressing isnt the be all and end all of my life if i didnt do it for 3 months i wouldnt die , but the feelings get stonger the longer i go without it . I can understand transexual people fighting for their rights and anyone else that feels its a nessecary and just cause. The thing is women are women full time 24 7, we are not but if someone feels strong enough to take to the streets and fight for their rights , then they get my support!

[Joanne f]

I know exactly how you fell and what you have been throu as i also come from a small town and did dare to say that i am a bit different, and have paid the price for it along with my family.
The only thing i would disagree with you on is that difference doe`s not add value to all peoples lives as some are to stupid to understand the vale off difference as they just react to it in a negative way, no doubt because they are afraid to be a bit different, thankfully my kids seam to understand that it is ok to be a bit different, my youngest son seams to like the emo thing and he knows that i like goth and vamp.


joanne

[Nicole Erin]

battybattybats.....wrote
your starting to sound like Dr. Phil. :D

Yeah but batty is much better looking on all counts

ANYways like I always say - no matter what someone does, someone else is going to have a problem with it.

And "different"? The only "Normal" is the middle class married male with a secure job, perfect 2.3 kids, a pretty wife, nice SUV, physically fit... and the secret lover on the side. Most of us do not have all these things. I would like to have Mr. Normal's wife for a few nights anyways... :devil:

So if it feels any better, "Different" is anyone who is not and has not all those beautiful people things.

I could give a rat's butt about being normal. That would mean I would have to get a haircut, a real job, have another kid, wear men's clothes in public....
And the price of gas? Who wants an SUV?

heck with being normal.

[battybattybats]

However, there r reasons for CD's, etc., NOT to go out dressed. I for one, can fantasize about going out as Sherry. But Sherry only exists in my mind, pics and mirror. I don't wish to go out as an, " old man in a dress". I do not feel like I'm a man in a woman's body. So, I don't have your need to dress and show my "true" self to the world.
I have a young daughter who already struggles with splitting time between me and my divorced ex-wife. My ex is a nut ball. My daughter is shy, immature, and has little confidence or self esteem. So her dad starts pransing around in dresses, and then we r completely ostrasized from the other families. Never mind the crap she'll get at school!
That makes no sense to me, even if I weren't divorced.
Why should children suffer for their parent's insensibilities? They shouldn't have to, but DO!
Batty, I think I understand your needs. But, as U said, not every CD is like u. Or ME!
RS

That's ok too, you don't have to be out either, the choice is yours for your own reasons and I respect that. How you try and build up your childs confidance and deal with your ex are difficult questions and, of course, ultimately up to you.

Still children do suffer from exisiting within a closed minded community, and they will do so as long as the communities minds are allowed to remain closed. Of course you don't have to prance around to help push the boundaries. Just speaking up on the odd issue can do wonders sometimes. Holding different views can sometimes be enough to show that difference is ok to the next generation.


Dear Batty,

As a long time advocates in the field of anti discrimination, primarily in the case of disabilities and more particularly autism, I find your post excellent. Difference is a value to the community and should hence be far more respected.

Creativity nevr came from people who just conform to "the norm"...

And yes, it isn't always easy to be different, be it for the person or for her family and friends. But it is difference that makes life so interesting.

Let me quote a very brilliant description of hard creativity:

Hard creativity [is when] “the world has turned out differently not just from the way we thought it would, but even from the way we thought it could”

M. A. Boden, "The Creative Mind, Myths and Mechanisms", Basic Book, 1992

Well, sometimes our coming out may feel like that to our friends and families... Hard creativity from our part:happy:

So let's be different as well as members of society.

:hugs:
Eugenie

Thanks for that Eugenie, especially the quote! Good luck with your cause!


Hi,
I've never had the urge to do this a lot, but the whole secrecy thing was a burden in the early days. Once I decided to tell just about everyone I know what I do... the tension was gone completely.

Being different (for me) is half the fun and my true friends stuck around afterwards ;)

*much hugs for an awesome post*
Zara

So far that's been my experience too, though I'm still being cautious and taking it one person at a time.
:hugs:


battybattybats.....wrote

your starting to sound like Dr. Phil. :D

But with better ethics I would hope :D



The only thing i would disagree with you on is that difference doe`s not add value to all peoples lives as some are to stupid to understand the vale off difference as they just react to it in a negative way, no doubt because they are afraid to be a bit different, thankfully my kids seam to understand that it is ok to be a bit different, my youngest son seams to like the emo thing and he knows that i like goth and vamp.


But having their experience stretched, whether it opens their minds or just provides the possibility of doing so only for them to choose to slam the lid shut is a valuable thing. They might not appreciate it, might not understand it and certainly might not be grateful for it but the value of the possibility for the whole society remains undiminished.


Yeah but batty is much better looking on all counts

ANYways like I always say - no matter what someone does, someone else is going to have a problem with it.

And "different"? The only "Normal" is the middle class married male with a secure job, perfect 2.3 kids, a pretty wife, nice SUV, physically fit... and the secret lover on the side. Most of us do not have all these things. I would like to have Mr. Normal's wife for a few nights anyways... :devil:

So if it feels any better, "Different" is anyone who is not and has not all those beautiful people things.

I could give a rat's butt about being normal. That would mean I would have to get a haircut, a real job, have another kid, wear men's clothes in public....
And the price of gas? Who wants an SUV?

heck with being normal.

Well there are different levels of perception of normal of course, and when an unrealistic ideal is held up it causes a good deal of anxiety and friction for those who aspire to it or judge themselves by it, *cynical tone* though it's very good for business *cynical tone* . Very good point there and nicely said too!

[SweetCaroline]

This about sums it up for me...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qM_Y-JymNZk&feature=related