Should I tell my therapist - part 3

[dianwb262]

Hi

For those who read my previous posts on trying to decide if I should tell my therapist about my crossdressing I thought I would give you an update. Well I did tell her. It turn out that my insurance had already okayed more sessions but I decided to tell her anyway. I kind of forced her to force me to tell her. I think her reaction was a sense of relief. I had mentioned at previous sessions that there was something I wanted to tell her but couldn't (and became quite agitated) and she was afraid that I might have killed someone or had done something illegal. I don't know if I did the right thing or not, but at first it was a sense of relief to finally tell someone. It has been brought up in subsequent sessions, but not in great detail. It is still unconfortable to talk with her about it. She says that it's no big deal, but to me it is.

Well thanks to everyone who gave me there opinions.

[Ruth]

It's a big deal to you and it's a big deal to all of us who CD. I'm trusting that your therapist is saying that because she wants to focus on the stuff that you went there about in the beginning.

[Sedona]

I see a therapist on occasion, and told her right away. One reason I picked her is she sees mainly a gay clientele (I'm straight BTW), and thought she'd be more accepting than say, a straight male therapist. Anyways, she was terrific, and it was never a problem.

I think when your therapist says it's no big deal, I think she's just being reassuring in that in the grand scheme of things, what kind of clothing you want to wear really isn't such a big deal. Of course, we CDers deal with these demons daily, but in a way, I'm more stressed out about it, and bashful about it than any of the loved ones I've told.

Good luck!

[Eileen]

Yes it is a big deal to you and you may well want to talk with her more about your trans feelings. If you are comfortable talking with her, perhaps you should eplore your trans feelings more with her. She is there to help you sort things in you life out, that you are having difficulty with on your own.

Eileen

[Sinthia]

When I chose a therapist, I chose one that deals with CDs so I would be talking with someone who is trained in this phenominon. I do not take my car to a carpet cleaner to get the motor fixed, so I felt that I needed a gender-problem therapist to help me with my desires. The lady was very nice, and let me know that I am not alone in my dersires to wear panties and bras, and that it is not illegal to do so. Also, if that makes me happy, then wear dresses and skirts all that I want to. To make myself happy is my most important goal that I, or anyone else, has. Good luck on your sessions, and do not be afraid to open up about any subject that you want. The therapist is there to help you, not judge you, but they cannot help if they do not know what the problems are.

[janelle]

When I first started I wanted to tell also but was afraid. Must have been the 3rd meeting that I brought it up. She asked me, " & who does this hurt"? The answer was simple NO ONE. She than said do what you have to. From then on we talked about my depression which ended up being caused but my gender issues. She has helped me accept myself as Janelle & not that male I once was. Maybe your not going to transtition but this still is a way to help you accept yourself.
Trust her, trust yourself Then BE YOURSELF.
I hope this helps you dear as I know for one what it was like. Take care.
xoxoxoxoxoxo,
Janelle

[Trinni]

I agree it's a big deal and I think it is a good thing that you told her. She can't really help you if she does not really know the whole story and what your thinking. I hope her attitude about it not being a big deal is not just brushing it off but feels from your past sessions that there are other things that are more important to deal with.

[TxKimberly]

. . . I don't know if I did the right thing or not,. . .

There is no question telling her was the right thing to do. Not telling her and yet expecting her to help you, would be about the same as asking someone to swim with their hands tied behind their back.

[Eugenie]

[QUOTE=dianwb262;1130877]She says that it's no big deal, but to me it is./QUOTE]

Sure it is normal that it should be a big deal for you. It is your life and indeed an important part of it...

But on the other hand, what your therapist probably meant to say was that X-dressing, as a whole, isn't a big deal. And by the reactions most of us who go out get from the people we meet, it seems that for other people it isn't a big deal, most don't care.

Actually most people whom I came out to (besides my wife and my children who also know) didn't mind at all. Some even said: "So what?"...

People for whom it is a big deal are "us" x-dressers, for obvious reasons, and people whom we knew as friends or family before we told them about it: it is a big change on the way they view us.

First of all our SOs, especially when they discover it late in our comon married lives it is indeed a big deal : My wife isn't too pleased about it. For our SOs, even though I told my wife very early...

It is a big deal for our close family members, if and when they get to know about it... Even though my children accepted it was nevertheless an important change for them.

I think that one of the challenges that we have is first of all to manage to accept ourselves for who we are and stop feeling guilty about our X-dressing .

Then try to make people who count for us feel more at ease with it. That may require lots of patience... It took my wife more than 35 years to feel somewhat more at ease with it...

I think that a therapist may help you achieve those two chalenges...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[Nicole Erin]

Therapists will be glad to listen to anything as long as they are getting your money.

[docrobbysherry]

Don't take the, " No big deal", out of context.
What mine said was, " No big deal; if u dress up once in a while in private. That's not hurting anyone. As long as it doesn't take over your life. And u don't feel u r a woman in a man's body and want to dress and act like woman in public."
If u have any of those last thoughts or feelings, TELL YOUR THERAPIST! Remember, they r there to help u!
RS

[Nicole Erin]

Keep in mind tho, that most TS and Cd know more about this condition than any therapist.

Yes, I went to a therapist years ago when I thought I was TS.

[trannie T]

If you are uncomfortable when she brings up the issue of crossdressing then she should continue to bring it up. By saying that crosdressing is no big deal she may be indicating that you are not a flaming nutter because of what you like to wear. The more she brings it up quite possibly the more likely it will be for you to accept yourself as you are.

[JenniferR771]

Diann,
I agree with Millierin. I live in a very conservative town. My first counselor, (MSW) needed to borrow my book ("My husband wears my clothes", by Peggy Rudd). Second counselor specialized in transgender--we saw her as a couple and my wife refused to go back, partly because we saw a dressed cd in the waiting room. Third mutual counselor Larry, asked why I wore lipstick last week--I told him "Because I am a crossdresser." About all I remember after that was him saying, "The wages of sin is death." Ouit four years ago.

And...last week my wife pointed out a picture in the paper, "Isn't that Larry, our former counselor?" Yup it was--arrested for sexually harrassing phone calls to a client.

Get referrals from another cd. Only a small number of counselors are qualified to talk to you about transgender matters. If his bookshelf has no cd books, look for another counselor.

[dianwb262]

Thanks for your replys. So far I am very happy with my therapist. We haven't talked a lot about it yet, but she seems very comfortable with it. In fact I have only seen her once since then because of the holidays but for now I will stick with her. She knows it's uncomfortable for me to discuss so she's not pushing it. but I can tell she is not going to shy away from it either.