Deluded/Fake Transsexuals?

[AmandaM]

OK, here's another one. Some people are TS. Others think they are. Maybe it's cause they don't like themselves. Maybe it's cause they are really gay and this is a way to legitimize having sex with the same sex. Maybe it's cause they think the other side has it better. Maybe it's cause they are transvestites and think TS's are more accepted, i.e., they are a woman and not a freak. And a host of other reasons...

What do you think? Any experiences out there? Yours or others? Any horror stories?

[Maggie Kay]

I have wondered about this issue as my condition has been challenged so many times by my SO. I just can't imagine that this is really the case that I am deluded or a wanabe. In fact, the life is sufficiently difficult that I cannot imagine anyone being a wanabe unless they are also wanting to be abused, shunned and rejected. I think that if this is the case, the person is probably so damaged that they have a significant mental disorder which would manifest itself in much more destructive ways. Now, I am not saying that being TS has to have these bad side effects but clearly we all know how hard this life is.
On the other side, say the person is deluded, they are compelled to wear the clothes and walk the walk. How does anyone tell the difference? By that measure we are all deluded. What is the true objective determinant that a person is trans anyway? We tell our therapists what we feel and basically, we all call ourselves trans.
So if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it is a duck. What else is there?

[Nicole Erin]

OK, so here is what I found out about this -
At first I thought I was TS. That is what other TS were telling me. I think I was more a "wanna-be". I have never been into having sex with men, so that had nothing to do with it.

But here is what made me figure out that I am not TS -

I figured that losing my family and everything was not worth living in another gender role.

I was too lazy to go thru a transition. Things are expensive and i was not about to try to make enough money to pay for it all.

I had been on HRT for some time, and I hated that my "parts" didn't function well and sex drive was lost.

I had seen the results of a post-op friend of mine. Sure the female anatomy looked well-created, but it really freaked me out.That is when I knew this was no game. I had seen her male anatomy before [no we were never lovers but I had seen her naked] and now there is a vagina. Hard to grasp.

They say if someone really wants something, they will work however hard they have to in order to get it. I was not willing to work for it. I finally got comfortable with the fact that I am not TS. The only part I really enjoyed was dressing.
I know I am CD and I am very comfortable with it.

This is my personal experience. Everyone is different.

[GypsyKaren]

I'd have to say that a great deal of those I know who say they're TS are not, and for whatever reasons they're living a fantasy or a denial. I don't claim to know what goes through someone's head, but I believe that many are just plain unhappy with their lives as is, and perhaps think a new identity or persona will be better or easier for them. I also believe that to many so called mental health professionals are to quick to label someone as TS, it's almost becoming the "Flavor Of The Day" with some, but part of that problem could be that many tell what they want to believe or what they think the therapist wants to hear...just my opinions.

Karen Starlene :star:

[Lisa Rose]

Isn't this like asking 'What is a woman?'. Unless we can come to a complete and definative answer to 'what is a woman' or 'what is TS', how can you say that those who think they 'want to be' or those who 'think they are', are not. To me, women/TS are those who feel it in their heart or better put, those who feel it in their soul.

Who's to judge that?

[kerrianna]

I'm trying to figure out why defining oneself is so important. It's pretty clear to me that we are very complex beings and often operate well outside narrow definitions.

However, I realize that gender identity is one of those things that most people take for granted and don't think twice about...so they don't have that stressing them throughout their lives. If you label yourself as something...CD, TG, TS...whatever...then I guess you can carry on easier.

Myself, I have no idea where or what I am. I know what I feel. But that also changes as I grow. I have no idea where that will lead me.

So rather than trying to figure out WHAT I am, I am trying to figure out how to deal the best way with the deep feelings and emotions which currently rule me.

I'm aware enough of how I operate that I know it would be folly, besides really not my style, to stick a label on myself and proceed from there based on that definition. I think we can find the truth easier when we just allow ourselves to BE and to listen to what's inside our hearts and minds, rather than measure ourselves on an external scale.

[Kieron Andrew]

What do you think? Any experiences out there? Yours or others? Any horror stories?
What do i think? i dont think its for any of us to judge what path someone needs to go

[GypsyKaren]

Isn't this like asking 'What is a woman?'. Unless we can come to a complete and definative answer to 'what is a woman' or 'what is TS', how can you say that those who think they 'want to be' or those who 'think they are', are not. To me, women/TS are those who feel it in their heart or better put, those who feel it in their soul.

Who's to judge that?

I judge no one, it matters not to me what anyone else thinks they are. The problem with many I know is that they don't feel it in their heart or soul, it's more like something they've convinced themselves of. I just had a friend who was certain she was TS discover after therapy that it was something totally different, she was trying to emulate her mother. Like I said, I'm no expert and don't claim to be one, but I see more than a few red flags go up after talking with some.

Karen Starlene :star:

[Kate Simmons]

Only we know who we are, what our essense is. Once we determine that without a doubt, it's our choice on how we want to follow through and if we want the physical to match up with the mental, emotional and spiritual person that we are. Some folks decide to, some decide not to. Whatever we decide, it's the real person of our heart that always counts, no matter what.:happy:

[AmandaM]

I'm trying to figure out why defining oneself is so important. It's pretty clear to me that we are very complex beings and often operate well outside narrow definitions.

It's important because some people are TS's, and some "think" they are. Case in point, a TV may fantasize about having a vagina and being a woman. Does this make the TV TS? No. But, it might. So, I'm just trying to generate discussion on this topic to see where it leads. To get to some inner thoughts that people have on this forum. An intellectual discussion if you will. That's all.

[GypsyKaren]

What's important is you have to be 100% certain of yourself before you go forward with this, because you'll be in big trouble if you try walking on the quicksand of false hopes.

Karen Starlene :star:

[Katrina]

I'm sure that I was supposed to be a woman. The weird part is, if I transitioned, I probably wouldn't get any downstairs surgery. The biggest thing holding me back from going forward is Fear. Fear of losing my SO, my family, my friends, my livelyhood, my life. Does that make me not a TS?

[Wendi {LI NY}]

I'm sure that I was supposed to be a woman. The weird part is, if I transitioned, I probably wouldn't get any downstairs surgery. The biggest thing holding me back from going forward is Fear. Fear of losing my SO, my family, my friends, my livelyhood, my life. Does that make me not a TS?

NO . Katrina it doesn't make you lest of a transsexal . you are just rational your life and it is something you weight up an said it is not worth losing these things you hold dear to you . But you are not lest of a transsexal ,I feel you are more of one . nobody can tell you you are not a ts .
p.s i am on that same boat and I am findly contented with my life too.
hugs,Wendi:2c:

[Stephenie S]

I don't know that many other transgendered women, but those I DO know, don't "think" they are TS, they KNOW they are. Every TS I know well has KNOWN they were a woman from the beginning. They don't "wish" they were female, they don't "think" they should be female, they don't "want" to be female, they ARE female and they have known this all of their lives.

I think there is a difference between "wanting" to be a woman, and "knowing" you are a woman.

Stephie

[kerrianna]

Okay, in the interest of discussion... here's a question I have for you all.

I hear quite often TSs say they ALWAYS 'knew' they were the wrong sex. It seems to be the prototypical description of clinically diagnosed TSs. Their identity registers right away that something isn't right.

But what if when you were young maybe you thought that way but you were dissuaded. What if you weren't so sure or stubborn or brave and after a while you started thinking, 'well of course I am a boy' (or a girl) ...I've got the boy (or girl) parts and everyone insists I am one." What if you were made to be afraid of even thinking about that possibility?

What if the concept of being born with the wrong biology just wasn't on your radar at all?

What if you were, say, sickly also as a child, and knew THAT was all fkd up too? That everything was wrong. What if you couldn't even define what it was that was bugging you?

Or do you think if you didn't 'know' that concept...that it IS possible for your body to be sexually wrong...that that automatically rules you out as TS, because a true TS person would 'know' that it is what happened?


I'm asking these questions genuinely interested to hear what some of you think.

Personally I'm not too sure what to make out of the whole Transexual (or HBS) concept. This stuff is pretty new to me so I'm still learning. It makes a lot of sense to me, and I feel a lot of empathy and I believe understanding, but I've never been a person of surety, about anything in my life, so there's a point where I just feel left out...like everything else in my life.

I run pretty much on intuition and emotion and always have, and I have always felt outside of things, so there's a point where I just don't feel like I belong, even if I do. Maybe I don't want to belong, for whatever reasons. And maybe, like Katrina says, it does all come down to fear.

It just seems to me that there a lot of easier ways to find salvation than to delude yourself that you are transexual. Whatever I am, I know that my gender identity issues are not only hell, but extremely dangerous to me. Being this self aware is taking me awfully close to an edge I thought I was safe from, and that does scare me. I'd rather it all go away now, thank you, and I could carry on with just being me and living.

And yes, lol, I am seeking professional help. :p

[Kate Simmons]

Well Kez, the only thing I know for sure is that I am who I am for a reason. The reason is the part I've been trying to figure out, any TS issues notwithstanding.Even with therapy, I've been pretty much upside down, backwards, sideways and inside out and guess what I have found out? That I am ME. I am always going to be "ME", regardless of what I decide to do physically or how I decide to live. "ME" is not going away any time soon so I may as well make the best of it. Getting to know "ME" is the hardest thing I have ever done and it requires a lot of work, especially since I'm committed to it and am not backing down. Will I be scared? Probably but that never stopped me before. The word is "Engage: Warp 9" ready or not.:happy:

[Valeria]

In fact, the life is sufficiently difficult that I cannot imagine anyone being a wanabe unless they are also wanting to be abused, shunned and rejected.
What if, for instance, they are already a closeted crossdresser? Is being a closeted trans woman really all that much harder than being a closet CD? What if they've convinced themselves that being transsexual makes their behavior more justified ("it's not my fault - I have to do this because I'm really a woman")?

What if they have intense homophobia (so much so that they'd rather be dead than gay), and they are attracted to men?

What if they are both? You don't think that there might be some people who believe that being a straight woman trapped in a man's body is less disgusting than being a man who wants to dress up as a woman and have sex with men? Now I'd disagree with them about either choice being disgusting, but it doesn't really matter what I think about their subconcious fears.

Transitioning can be hard (but so is coming out as gay - I have a gay guy friend that still hasn't told his father). However, privately deciding that you are trans isn't all that painful. The hardship comes from coming out to family, friends and coworkers, and then actually living life as the opposite sex (not to mention the physical and financial pain of all the surgeries and other treatments). Merely saying that you are trans is relatively easy.

I've encountered a fair number of people who cited being attracted to men as one of the reasons (or in some cases, the only reason) that they felt they were transsexual. Generally, these people have not actually made much of an attempt to transition. When someone living as a man says that they think they are transsexual mostly because they have fantasies of having sex with men, I'm sorry, but I'm skeptical. When their main clue is that they enjoy dressing in women's clothing, that concerns me too. Being TS isn't about clothing or sexual orientation.

I can't really speak as to how these types of issues affect people in the FTM spectrum, but fears of being feminine and/or being gay have a big impact on the MTF spectrum, IMO.


I think that if this is the case, the person is probably so damaged that they have a significant mental disorder which would manifest itself in much more destructive ways.
Sometimes it does (such as alcoholism, drug addiction, suicidal ideation, mania, depression, etc.). People with GID have comorbid mental disorders at least as frequently as anyone else. When the other condition is something like borderline or histrionic personality disorder, it certainly complicates matters.

[melissaK]

Conjuring up my best Jeff Foxworthy voice:

"I think if you are on this thread on Christmas Day, you might be a TS . . . " :heehee:

love and hugs to all,
'lissa

[androgyne]

What if they have intense homophobia (so much so that they'd rather be dead than gay), and they are attracted to men?


I went out with a guy like that and ended the relationship when I found out he was married. Ironically, he now lives with another guy and no longer goes to church :p

[Valeria]

I don't know that many other transgendered women, but those I DO know, don't "think" they are TS, they KNOW they are. Every TS I know well has KNOWN they were a woman from the beginning. They don't "wish" they were female, they don't "think" they should be female, they don't "want" to be female, they ARE female and they have known this all of their lives.
I do know a fair number of TS women, and I only partially agree with you.

I've met women who transitioned completely who initially admitted that they didn't even suspect they might be TS until they were adults. I've known a lot of women who transitioned who admitted to doubts early on. Now the thing is, some of these same women sing a different tune years later. A lot of women seem to think that they need to validate their womanhood by convincing themselves and others that they've "always known". Some of them certainly didn't used to be sure.

As for early childhood memories, I'm really not that impressed when someone manages to "remember" that they liked playing with dollies as a young child, or that they wanted to play with the girls when the class was divided. The fact is that a decent percentage of trans women did NOT have particularly gender-variant early childhoods, perhaps because of some combination of denial and a desire to conform and be accepted. Also, some gay men (and a few straight men) had very gender-variant early childhoods.

Don't get me wrong. I don't deny that many of us have known since an early age that something was wrong, and many of us were pretty certain that it involved our assigned gender. I have my own childhood memories, some of which involved my coping strategies for what I believe was pretty strong childhood gender dysphoria. I think a lot of us have legitimate memories of feelings and actions that really can only be explained as manifestations of gender dysphoria. But I'm still convinced that there are a lot of cases of selective memory and self-confirmation bias in the stories some trans women tell.

In a related vein, I've known some trans men that used to think they were butch lesbian women. They haven't typically told me that they "knew" they were male at age 4. Realization came much later. I've also known trans women that came out as gay men a few years before they realized that they weren't really men at all. There are all sorts of paths to self-realization.

Personally, I don't even really remember being 3 or 4 years old. My extremely early childhood memories are almost non-existent, so I have no idea what I "knew" when I was in kindergarten (although I'm skeptical that I had worked out the concept of being transgendered at such a young age).


I think there is a difference between "wanting" to be a woman, and "knowing" you are a woman.
Absolutely. But I think that sometimes one comes before the other. Lots of people have fear and self-doubt early on, and in some cases that self-doubt is the difference between "knowing" and not being quite so certain.

I do partially agree with both you and Karen. I've certainly met people that I didn't believe were TS for various reasons. Some of them later concluded they weren't, or decided against transitioning, so perhaps I was right in some cases. Some of them later transitioned and lived (AFAIK) happily ever after, so clearly I was wrong some of the time.

My attitude is that if you think you are transgendered, taking hormones and actually living as the gender you identify with will tend to make it clear pretty quickly if you are mistaken. In the meantime, I'll accept everyone's self diagnosis. Ultimately, being TS is all about how you identify, and no one can answer that for you.

In any case, I think the more important questions are whether or not transition is right for you, and to what degree. Whether to start hormones, go full time, and have bottom surgery are hugely important questions. If you aren't going to do any of those things, I think trying to decide if you are TS or some other flavor of TG is not going to have much tangible impact on your life (though I can understand the desire some people have to be classified).

[Scotty]

I just resort back to the Two-Spirited Native American label.

I have to live my life as a guy b ut I have my woman side and she's STRONG but sometimes she has to just stay concealed and other times i let her fly :)

Speaking of, my mom got me a scrunchie for a stocking stuffer, LOL, I think she knows, she's seen me bare chested in the pool, seen my navel piercing, shaved legs...

[Kristen Kelly]

They say if someone really wants something, they will work however hard they have to in order to get it. I was not willing to work for it. I finally got comfortable with the fact that I am not TS. The only part I really enjoyed was dressing.
I know I am CD and I am very comfortable with it.
This is my personal experience. Everyone is different.



Isn't this like asking 'What is a woman?'. Unless we can come to a complete and definative answer to 'what is a woman' or 'what is TS', how can you say that those who think they 'want to be' or those who 'think they are', are not. To me, women/TS are those who feel it in their heart or better put, those who feel it in their soul.
Who's to judge that?


I'm sure that I was supposed to be a woman. The weird part is, if I transitioned, I probably wouldn't get any downstairs surgery. The biggest thing holding me back from going forward is Fear. Fear of losing my SO, my family, my friends, my livelyhood, my life. Does that make me not a TS?


NO . Katrina it doesn't make you lest of a transsexal . you are just rational your life and it is something you weight up an said it is not worth losing these things you hold dear to you . But you are not lest of a transsexal ,I feel you are more of one . nobody can tell you you are not a ts .
p.s i am on that same boat and I am findly contented with my life too.
hugs,Wendi:2c:


All very good points and I'm in the same boat. Being TS and transitioning is a matter of making your body agree with the mind, if that means not going all the way to GRS and you are happy, does not make you less of a TS too many people are rushed into things, slow down give things time, they will work out for themselves.

[Stephenie S]

I do know a fair number of TS women, and I only partially agree with you.

I've met women who transitioned completely who initially admitted that they didn't even suspect they might be TS until they were adults. I've known a lot of women who transitioned who admitted to doubts early on. Now the thing is, some of these same women sing a different tune years later. A lot of women seem to think that they need to validate their womanhood by convincing themselves and others that they've "always known". Some of them certainly didn't used to be sure.

Well, as I said, I don't really know that many TS women.

And, I certainly had NO idea that I could actually DO something about the fact that I knew, deep down, that I was a woman untill after gender therapy.

As for early childhood memories, I'm really not that impressed when someone manages to "remember" that they liked playing with dollies as a young child, or that they wanted to play with the girls when the class was divided. The fact is that a decent percentage of trans women did NOT have particularly gender-variant early childhoods, perhaps because of some combination of denial and a desire to conform and be accepted. Also, some gay men (and a few straight men) had very gender-variant early childhoods.

I never played with dolls or dressed up when I was a child. I was not allowed to do so. I WANTED a doll, but my parents were quite clear that dolls were only for girls. I know that the concept of transition was NOT there early on. What I DID know was that, deep down, I was sick, sick, sick, and would be locked away if I so much as MENTIONED my belief that I was a girl.

So I never "wished" I would wake up in the morning CHANGED into a girl, I "wished" that I could come up with the right prayer, wish, or magic spell that would "fix" my body. I cannot remember ever looking at a girl, or later a woman and saying to myself, "If only I were a girl, everything would be alright."

I had a pretty good grasp on who I was, it was only my body that was wrong.

Now, I had a pretty good childhood. I was not unhappy, or miserable, or depressed. I did OK in school, dated, tried to play sports (ROTFLMAO!), learned to fart and drink beer. And when, in my twenties when I finally matured enough to realize that wishes, magic, and prayer just didn't work, I set about to be the best MAN I could be.

I spent the majority of my adult life trying to be a CDer. Trying really hard to satisfy my dysphoria with CDing.

Don't get me wrong. I don't deny that many of us have known since an early age that something was wrong, and many of us were pretty certain that it involved our assigned gender. I have my own childhood memories, some of which involved my coping strategies for what I believe was pretty strong childhood gender dysphoria. I think a lot of us have legitimate memories of feelings and actions that really can only be explained as manifestations of gender dysphoria. But I'm still convinced that there are a lot of cases of selective memory and self-confirmation bias in the stories some trans women tell.

Of course this must be true at some level. It's such a PC point of view.

In a related vein, I've known some trans men that used to think they were butch lesbian women. They haven't typically told me that they "knew" they were male at age 4. Realization came much later. I've also known trans women that came out as gay men a few years before they realized that they weren't really men at all. There are all sorts of paths to self-realization.

Personally, I don't even really remember being 3 or 4 years old. My extremely early childhood memories are almost non-existent, so I have no idea what I "knew" when I was in kindergarten (although I'm skeptical that I had worked out the concept of being transgendered at such a young age).

As I said, nor did I. I had NO concept of "transition" at all untill quite recently.

Absolutely. But I think that sometimes one comes before the other. Lots of people have fear and self-doubt early on, and in some cases that self-doubt is the difference between "knowing" and not being quite so certain.

I do partially agree with both you and Karen. I've certainly met people that I didn't believe were TS for various reasons. Some of them later concluded they weren't, or decided against transitioning, so perhaps I was right in some cases. Some of them later transitioned and lived (AFAIK) happily ever after, so clearly I was wrong some of the time.

My attitude is that if you think you are transgendered, taking hormones and actually living as the gender you identify with will tend to make it clear pretty quickly if you are mistaken. In the meantime, I'll accept everyone's self diagnosis. Ultimately, being TS is all about how you identify, and no one can answer that for you.

This is, after all, the concept behind the RLT before SRS.

In any case, I think the more important questions are whether or not transition is right for you, and to what degree. Whether to start hormones, go full time, and have bottom surgery are hugely important questions. If you aren't going to do any of those things, I think trying to decide if you are TS or some other flavor of TG is not going to have much tangible impact on your life (though I can understand the desire some people have to be classified).

And I think we can spend FAR too much time analizing this issue and FAR too little of the time we actually have left just plain ENJOYING our life. Your life is your life, male or female. Live it well, as best you can, with as much joy and happiness, and love as you can give and gather.

I don't want to hear people say, "OMG, it's great to be a TS, I feel SO girly."

I do want to hear people say, "OMG, it's great to be alive!"

Transitioning will NEVER fix a f***ed up life. Get your head straight BEFORE you transition. Get happy BEFORE you transition. Life is short, short, short.



Lovies,
Stephenie

[MarinaTwelve200]

OK, here's another one. Some people are TS. Others think they are. Maybe it's cause they don't like themselves. Maybe it's cause they are really gay and this is a way to legitimize having sex with the same sex. Maybe it's cause they think the other side has it better. Maybe it's cause they are transvestites and think TS's are more accepted, i.e., they are a woman and not a freak. And a host of other reasons...

What do you think? Any experiences out there? Yours or others? Any horror stories?

There are SO many myths and misconceptions out there, there are a lot more than just fake "TS" folks running about----Indeed THATS why there is a requirement for all the psychotherapy BEFORE SRS, so the fakes can be weeded out, before they do something they will regret. Its REALLY very hard to tell if you are really TS or not, without therapy---you may want to be a girl for the wrong reason---a sexual turn on for example.

I think that there is also a big problem with fake GAYNESS---what me might call "Pseudo Homosexuals". As most uninformed people think that because one crossdresses-CD=Gay and even define "Gay" as a guy who wants to be or thinks he is a girl, (sex with people of the same sex is only thought of as something ELSE gays do) Inevitablly not a few similarly misinformed CDs might think that they ARE GAY themselves. This often results in "hypermasculine behaviour" and "gay bashing", etc, in those who are trying to "hide" their feared and percieved "homosexuality" as they fight it.

While other such CDs may ", decide they ARE gay and "give up", reluctantly accept it, adopting the lifestyle

.---THESE are the type of "GAYs" that some religious groups claim to "cure" or the type who later on discover the GAY lifestyle is not for them.----These are perople who NEVER WERE gay to begin with---but were misinformed by schoolhouse myths and public misconceptions that they took to be the truth.

Conversley, we have fake "Straights" those same myths make then think that so long as they don't CD, they can have homosex and "not really be GAY" sorta like the senator they caught in the mens room a while back---lotsa these folks around.

[Felix]

Great thread made me think.... Everybody is different we are all at different points on our journey in life. Me well I am who I am me no more no less.I recognize the female in me and I recognize the male although I think the male is stronger. I am not convinced that that means I want to be a man. In fact I have been told that's what I want which is not good cos ya can easily start to believe this. I came to reality when I stepped outside the boxes and looked from the outside in. I looked at everything I knew as fact and decided that I am me and if people can handle that then great. Most people who know me just accept me as me. They don't ask for explanations I just am who I am. Trouble starts when we start adding labels and putting ourselves in boxes but thats just my view. I tried to put myself in a box last year whoops thats when trouble started. Now I won't label myself only as Felix for those who can handle it.I am very careful of this. So whether i see myself as somewhere on the trans spectrum or not doesn't matter to me. What matters is whether I am happy at the place where I am now and the answer is yes. I understand where ya all coming from on this. This is just my personal view xx Felix :hugs:

[Lisa Rose]

Great thread made me think.... Everybody is different we are all at different points on our journey in life. Me well I am who I am me no more no less.I recognize the female in me and I recognize the male although I think the male is stronger. I am not convinced that that means I want to be a man. In fact I have been told that's what I want which is not good cos ya can easily start to believe this. I came to reality when I stepped outside the boxes and looked from the outside in. I looked at everything I knew as fact and decided that I am me and if people can handle that then great. Most people who know me just accept me as me. They don't ask for explanations I just am who I am. Trouble starts when we start adding labels and putting ourselves in boxes but thats just my view. I tried to put myself in a box last year whoops thats when trouble started. Now I won't label myself only as Felix for those who can handle it.I am very careful of this. So whether i see myself as somewhere on the trans spectrum or not doesn't matter to me. What matters is whether I am happy at the place where I am now and the answer is yes. I understand where ya all coming from on this. This is just my personal view xx Felix :hugs:

Bravo, Felix. Thanks for the input, my feelings as well. Wouldn't it be great if sex/sexual parts didn't have such an impact on our (societal as well as individual) existence?

[Scotty]

Also recognize that not many of us here are gender therapists so everything in this post is speculation.

Myself, if I were offered SRS tomorrow and able to stay in my current life I'd be on that like mashed potatoes...I don't need a therapist to tell me that! :)

I did talk to one and she did though :D But all the same, transition to a full time 24/7 woman is not possible with my life right now...

:0)

Hope you all have a WONDERFUL CHristmas!!

[Valeria]

Also recognize that not many of us here are gender therapists so everything in this post is speculation.
True.

For that matter, gender therapists can't actually read your mind (they rely on your self-description of events and feelings). They aren't in agreement as to the merits of the gatekeeper system, or even whether Gender Identity Disorder should be in the next edition of the DSM. These days, a lot of psychology is evidence-based, with lots of research into physiological contributing factors, and what drugs and forms of therapy are most effective in treatment. There is surprisingly little such research into the causes and treatment for GID.

So to a certain extent, everything gender therapists say is speculation too.

If you get a good one, she'll probably be very helpful in facilitating your sorting out your feelings. If not, she may not be helpful at all.

Some therapists are remarkably ill-informed (or out of touch with main stream) thought with regard to gender issues. Some of them don't really believe in GID at all. Some of them don't believe in using hormones or surgery to treat it.

On another forum, one woman reported that her therapist refused to approve hormone therapy for anyone under 30, because he didn't believe anyone under 30 was mature enough to make such an important decision. :rolleyes:

As I said, a good therapist can definitely help you sort out your feelings, and become more confident that you are making an informed decision to proceed. But ultimately, this is a condition that is almost entirely self-diagnosed.

[Melinda]

This is a great thread. I think a lot of us are in a very unclear position and we desperately need to question our own motives before doing something irreversible.

Sometimes I HOPE my TS feelings are "fake" so I can find a resolution to my issues less drastic than transitioning and probably losing every meaningful relationship in my life.

Sometimes I'm AFRAID they're fake and I'm putting myself and my wife through this for no good reason.

I do know I don't fit the classic TS description. I've never KNOWN that I'm a woman in a mans body. On the other hand I don't know that I'm a man in a man's body either and couldn't tell you what either one feels like.

I do know a few things. I've always had a deep seated conviction that my true self must remain hidden or I will be rejected by everyone. I've wished to be female for as long as I can remember. I'm not really attracted to men but can enjoy sex with them if I imagine I'm a girl and keep my male parts out of the action. The low dose of estrogen I'm on right now has (with a lot of help from the holiday season) made me gain weight and want a larger dose but not much else that I can easily identify. I definitely want to alter my body until it's as female as I can make it. I definitely do not want to transition, even temporarily, to a female presentation and permanently change all my personal relationships.

Geez, physically from male to female then pretend to be male? That makes a lot of sense (imagine deeply sarcastic tone of voice)! What a great idea.

What do I really know? That I'm extremely confused and hoping my therapy (yes, I'm in therapy and on Dr prescribed hormones) will eventually lead to a clearly identified and practically useful path through this minefield. I am becoming less and less inclined to hiding and what I see as the associated compromise of my self integrity. I'm not miserable at all but I am afraid that my gender inconsistencies will start to get noticed and that I won't have an answer that I believe in when people start to ask questions.

In the meantime I've got a naturally positive attitude that helps me make gender experimentation kind of fun, a fantastic son who makes each and every day an adventure in joy and love and a wife whose acceptance seems to be growing to fit her already enormous heart.

Wishing you all Peace and Joy. May your lives be complete and your hearts full.

Happy Holidays

Love,

Susan


P.S. Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is another leg on my Y chromosome!. :) :) :)

P.P.S. yes, I'm trying out a new name as I've started to hear Belinda as something a drag queen would call herself and I want to honor a beloved aunt.

[MJ]

I'm sure that I was supposed to be a woman. The weird part is, if I transitioned, I probably wouldn't get any downstairs surgery. The biggest thing holding me back from going forward is Fear. Fear of losing my SO, my family, my friends, my livelihood, my life. Does that make me not a TS?

your fears are sound , i felt the same way and yes everything you said did happen ..
Who are we to judge ?. i know how i feel and i am 100% justified in my actions .. but also remember this is a one way trip and not to be treated likely
again i feel that we know ourselves better than anyone else ..
I believe in taking as much time we each need to truly understand ourselves and do what we feel is right for us

if one feels so strongly but does nothing at the end of ones life how would you feel ..


i was just like Katrina... i truly did love my wife but when she found out it was her who ask me to leave after 21+ years it was her who outed me to everyone ..since they all knew i had nothing to hide so my last problem was being murdered ... so i chose to transition or die trying ..
i think we know , it's up to us weather we do or not

[tiffanyanne_69]

I'm more of an avid reader on this site then a poster, but here it goes . . .

I'm know there are many out there that are confused and unsure about many things, including their gender (sexual identity) and what they are attracted too (sexual preference). In fact, I'm one that believe that everyone teeters somewhere between the two extremes of both sexual identity and sexual preference. I don't think there is such a thing as the "perfect man" or the "perfect woman" . . . nor do I believe there is the "gospel" definition of what it means to be transgendered.

Too many people in this world think & classify things in broad black & white terms. The world is full of grey . . . wonderful shades of grey . . . that loosely define who, what, how & why we are. Thats what makes us all so unique and beautiful.

Just because someone doesn't want to go all the way through with SRS doesn't make them any less TG . . . nor does the fact that someone went all the way through with SRS make them any more TG.

Being TG shouldn't be a badge of honor, nor should it be a scarlet letter.

Being a TG doesn't make one an authority on the subject either.

As many have stated before me, counseling will help clear up the confusion on many that may not actually need to change their physical gender to be happy (and it will certainly eliminate any "fakers" by having to live full-time and find out what those magic hormones actually do).

Me, well you can call me whatever you want - label me, tag me, title me . . . I really don't care . . . I've got a lot of things going on in my life that noone can truly understand except me . . . and about 4 years ago I finally accepted me for me.

I'm still figuring out all the shades of grey, and life certainly isn't all peaches-n-cream . . . but I'm making progress and remaining positive.

This site is great. Lots of very kind, caring, empathic, intelligent people posting on a wide variety of subjects . . . and its my hope that we can all embrace each other and be completely supportive as we all find those shades of grey that loosely define us.

thanks,

tiff

[Jenna1561]

I've read this thread a few times now and I'm still not certain how or if I should respond, but here are my thoughts on me - I'm not judging or diagnosing anyone else. That's for them and their therapist. I've been seeing a gender therapist for about 6 months; I am not on HRT; I am undergoing electrolysis; I am married, but separated from my wife of 22 years. The separation is not due to relationship problems, though we have some. It is due to my job relocating to a different city (3 hours from home) and my family staying in the town and schools they love. I go home one weekend a month and my family visits here one weekend a month. I am in guy mode when at work or with family, but generally live the rest of the time as Jenna.

I am TS. I have always held that I was born in the wrong body. I am a woman in mind and spirit. Like others I have always known this, but have lived a male life. Though I have never really fit in as a guy, because that's not who I am. Much like others were it not for my family, I know I would transition. I hate the fact that I must crossdress as a guy for family and work. And that is how I see me. I don't see myself as a guy living as a part-time woman - I'm a woman who must endure presenting as a man for family and work.

I don't want to lose my wife, that word, wife, is awkward for me, I prefer to think of her as my soulmate, my partner. But she doesn't want to know anything of Jenna - doesn't want to talk about her/me. I fear the worst and hope for the best.

I believe I am a woman, a TS. And it doesn't matter to me what anyone else believes or labels me. We all follow a unique road in life. While we may share similar experiences, we cannot equate another's life and their outcomes with our own. We must live our life to the best we may.

Sacrificing one's true self for another may be selfless, but it is also, I believe, destructive. Not only to one's self but to the very relationship one is trying to protect and preserve. For me I know that is true, but still, I am sacrificing me for what I believe is the common good of my family. It will probably all come crashing down on me, but I must try. For that is me also.

I am woman, hear me roar.... except at work and with family, then I am woman trying to protect those she loves.

Thank you for letting me vent. I see my therapist in 13 hours, I think I'll have a lot more to talk about.


Jenna

[Melinda]

Tiffany_Anne said:

"I'm know there are many out there that are confused and unsure about many things, including their gender (sexual identity) and what they are attracted too (sexual preference). In fact, I'm one that believe that everyone teeters somewhere between the two extremes of both sexual identity and sexual preference. I don't think there is such a thing as the "perfect man" or the "perfect woman" . . . nor do I believe there is the "gospel" definition of what it means to be transgendered."

This hits the nail on the head for me. The problem is that gray answers to black or white questions are instinctively terrifying. We know male/female isn't a black or white question but most of the rest of the world does not.

I'm basically emotionally flexible. I can learn to accept and like nearly anything that doesn't violate certain basic values about avoiding causing harm to others. Not only am I somewhere between the extremes of gender identity and sexuality but I can move back and forth almost at will as long as all sides get their fair share of attention.

I can be very manly, drinking beer and getting into pissing contests with my male friends but can't live without being extremely girly sometimes as well. It's actually a lot of fun when I'm not afraid of the consequences of satisfying my girly side.

Given the choice of a well accepted transition where I keep most of my friends and family I would become a woman because they are allowed to be as manly as they want to when the mood strikes them. Everybody loves the gal who can put on no nonsense monochromatic gear and ski all day then pound beers around the pool table in the evening. Unfortunately, everyone despises the guy who skis all day in a $800 flowered Bogner ski suit and takes 15 min in the bathroom at lunch fixing his hair and makeup then wants to put on a one piece bathing suit and relax in the hot tub with a glass of wine.

Of course, blaming my confusion on the double standard is a cop-out. It doesn't explain why I wish (in exquisite detail) I had long gorgeous hair, an hourglass figure and nothing to tuck.

Regardless, it's that middle of the road position we're in that scares the hell out of the "straights". I know many of you are parents. Think about your kids and what they think is important. Not the toys and fads but the patterns and life rules.

It strikes me that children are trying with all their considerable might to create a set of rules for their world that has a place for everything. They love things to be structured and symmetrical and are frequently deeply offended by the idea that most things in life aren't black or white, yes or no, right or wrong. One of the most basic rules that every child learns is that everyone is either a boy or a girl and the two roles are completely separate. Boys and girls have separate clothes, games, interests, etc.

These rules then become the framework we use to interact with the world for the rest of our lives. From an evolutionary perspective this framework is absolutely critical. When some subtle thing doesn't fit the rules (that stand of grass is waving left to right but the wind is coming from behind me) there may be good reason to be frightened (a saber toothed tiger is lying in wait.) You don't stop to wonder if it's rational to be frightened (much more likely its a rabbit or something). You just react with fear and flight.

Fortunately for us we live in a time and place where there is a general consensus that it is usually worthwhile to examine our instinctive reactions and override them with rational ones instead. Unfortunately, the idea that gender norms may be something other than a basic law of the universe isn't one of the rational reactions that has spread to much of the population. Really, in my opinion, this resembles a religious debate. While I'm not one of them my impression of deeply religious people is that their God is as real to them as gravity or any other measurable natural phenomenon. When someone questions their God they feel the way I would if someone told me that 2 plus 2 no longer equals 4. When the basic framework that defines their world is called into question they, naturally enough, become absolutely terrified. They no longer trust the world around them to be reliable and constant. Of course, fear leads to aggression, conflict and violence. They sometimes blame those who caused their uncertainty and the historical consequences are pretty clear.

OK, that's a lot of long winded babbling to get to the point. When someone learns that they themselves or someone they know is not really sure if they're a boy or a girl they are going to need clearly defined answers. Something that can be relied on as fact. Something to cling to while they adjust to the radically altered world they have suddenly found themselves in. Otherwise the saber toothed tiger might just get them!

These same rules and fears apply to us as well and result in negative labels like "fake" or "deluded" when "questioning, unsure or exploring" might be more accurate and more helpful. My one and only trans friend (thank God for her, she's very wise at the ripe old age of 22) used the term genderqueer the other day and I sort of liked it. I thought of "queer" in the original meaning "strange or odd from a conventional viewpoint; unusually different" and not meaning homosexual and it fit me pretty well.

Blah blah blah, babble babble babble!
Now get back to work Susan!

Peace,
Little Suzy Sideshow

[kerrianna]

Susan, and others, you might be interested in responding to this:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=73708

I know that some of the visitors to this forum are at that questioning stage and are trying to figure out where on the map they might be.



...speaking of which, I was just doing a lot of reading about what is involved in a MTF Transition and all the things people can do to bring their physical manfestation into alignment with the way they feel and think, and the more I look at it realistically, which is what we all should be trying to do I think (lest we be 'deluded'), the greater the gulf is for me.

Because what I do know about myself if this:
I feel happiest and entirely fullfilled acknowledging I am female...I know I naturally retain male privelage and characteristics after having lived the life, more or less, for close to 50 years. But when I am not 'trying' to be male, and when I just let myself follow what my heart and mind feels and thinks, I feel female spirited and I recognize myself in the women I see and know.

I'm pretty sure I would have no regrets going full time.

However...I have to be realistic about what that would entail for me.

First off this is the limit of my surgeries after 50 years...4 wisdom teeth pulled.

That's it.

So surgery is so far off my experiences I can't imagine how I would cope with preparing, undergoing, recovering. I mean, I guess I would get through it and eventually get good at it...but I don't WANT to get good at it. I'd rather keep avoiding hospitals completely.

So, to be realistic, that means transitioning without surgery. Well, I guess that can be done, but my chances of passing go way down, and then there's always going to be me, myself and the mirror. Well, that part I might be able to deal with by training my brain, pretty much as I have done all my life. I tend not to look to closely in mirrors, because I have never liked what I see. :sad:

For me there's also the matter of attention.
I don't really like it.
I don't like to be the centre of attention, I usually only ever have a few close friends, I'd rather not draw attention to myself.

Changing the way I present in my community will draw lots of attention, that's for sure. I've always been in awe of people who do transition. To me it's such a brave thing. I realize now, for some people it's not a choice...they HAVE to.

I keep hoping that's not the case with me, that I won't ever feel like that, because then I WILL be faced with a very difficult decision. To grow up very quickly and take on all my fears at once, (at my age!), or to...well, be so miserable that life becomes joyless.

Fortunately, as a survival mechanism I guess, I have always thought outside society norms and have found my own ways of bringing happiness into my life. I just worry about those talents being outweighed by a need to live the life I desire. I guess that's a concept that is new to me...that in fact I deserve to be happy. I've always just managed and taken solace in brief moments of contentment or joy.

At least I feel more alive these days...I just worry that it's tied too closely to expressing my gender, and everyday I run into the frustration of being 'wrong'. And with my approach to life and myself, I don't really understand how I can feel 'wrong' like that. But I do, a little too much for comfort.

So for now, I walk this high wire act. I'd love to find a way to settle comfortably into a genderqueer state or something...something that would give me an inner serenity and yet not dictate so much of my life. If I was younger, just starting out, yeah...I might very well embark on a full transition...and who knows....maybe I already am and just don't know it yet.

That's the other thing about 'late-acknowledgement'. I've had a lot of years and bumps and twists to develop a much broader perspective of what life means to me, and I find it so much harder to find a clear-cut course... I recognize so many different paths available and I tend to look at the broader picture more. My spirituality and overall place in the universe have become more important and there's something in my consciousness that is telling me that my gender identity isn't always going to be important. Or maybe, more accurately, that it is already what it is and the question then becomes how much time, effort, thought, money, sacrifice do I want/need to make to bring into being a physical manifestation that more accurately reflects who I am?

I've lived my entire life in a constant state of dissatisfaction. Maybe most people do. It seems that way to me sometimes. We do our best, savour the happy moments, suffer through the tough times, and muddle along.

I am truly happy for you who know yourselves so well, who are brave and resourceful and self-directed and know how to DO something to make yourselves happier and more fulfilled. Maybe I am stumbling along to being able to do more of that, but if we are talking about delusion, I have to face up to the KIND of person I am, as a whole, and what works for me in life and what doesn't. By approaching myself with honesty and insight, I can identify where my weaknesses and strengths are and from there I can build a better and happier life for myself.

[Valeria]

First off this is the limit of my surgeries after 50 years...4 wisdom teeth pulled.

That's it.

So surgery is so far off my experiences I can't imagine how I would cope with preparing, undergoing, recovering. I mean, I guess I would get through it and eventually get good at it...but I don't WANT to get good at it. I'd rather keep avoiding hospitals completely.
You know, the surgery scared me for a long time. A long time.

My surgical experience before I got serious about fixing my life was 4 wisdom teeth pulled and 1 emergency nose repair that I can't even remember (from when it got broke in a car accident, and I was in shock and taken to the hospital in an ambulance). Not much more than you.

But you know what? Fear is just fear, nothing more - and all too often, it's irrational.

I finally reached the point where being whole was more important to me. I suppose I've gotten "good at it" - in addition to FFS and GRS, I also had nose and throat surgery for sleep apnea and obstructed breathing, and I had laser eyes surgery to give me 20/20 vision (instead of my being blind as a bat). FWIW, the throat surgery for sleep apnea was by far the most painful. That doesn't mean that I want any more surgery. I did what I needed to do. I didn't even have breast augmentation - I can live with small breasts, lots of women have them.

So I've done what I needed to do to fix my body and my life. It really wasn't that hard - just show up, and let them poke a needle or two in me. The hard part occurred while I was asleep. :p


For me there's also the matter of attention.
I don't really like it.
I don't like to be the centre of attention, I usually only ever have a few close friends, I'd rather not draw attention to myself.

Changing the way I present in my community will draw lots of attention, that's for sure.
It didn't draw much in mine - really, no one cared except family and close friends. But then I live in a big city. If you live in a small town, you might well want to move. People move for far less reason that this - is your happiness not worth relocating?


I've always been in awe of people who do transition. To me it's such a brave thing. I realize now, for some people it's not a choice...they HAVE to.
I'm not brave, and for the record I have a low pain threshold and whine a lot.

I can't even claim it's something I HAD to do - I was too good at coping to be suicidal. I had the choice of continuing to live a stressful and unfulfilled life, pretending at least some of the time to be someone I wasn't. Or I could have survived indefinitely without surgery - but I needed the surgery I had to be happy. Ultimately, I transitioned and had surgery because it's what I needed to do in order to be happy. It enabled me to relax and be myself. It eliminated my feelings of gender dysphoria completely. In other words, it was a quality-of-life decision for me, moreso than an absolute necessity in order to simply survive.


I'd love to find a way to settle comfortably into a genderqueer state or something...something that would give me an inner serenity and yet not dictate so much of my life.
Yeah. Tried the genderqueer thing. It didn't really work for me - in fact, it eventually made me feel worse.

Anyway, you should do whatever you need to do to be happy. I'm not really trying to push you into anything, and only you can evaluate your situation with regard to career, family, friends, passability, etc. But I've heard your rationalizations before (and used several of them myself). I know a lot of women that eventually abandoned such rationalizations and moved on with their lives, and I don't know any of them that doesn't wish she'd done so sooner.

FWIW, YMMV, IMHO, yadda yadda...

[BTW, please don't quote details about my medical history. Thanks!]

[Mean Green Irene]

For two years that thought was constantly on my mind. Am I really a TS or am I fooling myself.

But after over 20 months of agonizing I tried to set my mind one way and then the other. "NO I AM NOT TS AND I WILL DO NOTHING ABOUT IT" - within hours I was depressed. By the next day I was suicidal. The only way to get out of that deep hole was to decide "I AM TS AND I WILL LIVE AS A WOMAN" almost immeadiately I felt good.

I am now living the life and walking the walk and loving every minute of it.

Am I TS - you bet you boobies I am. I feel that was a good test.

[kerrianna]

Thanks Kehleyr for making me think I COULD do something about this, lol! :rolleyes:

And here I was ready to resign myself to more of the same to avoid taking charge of my life. Seemed kinda like the easy way out. :p

But I guess it's never easy and nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight.

It's good to know other people's experiences so I have an idea of what's possible and how people do overcome obstacles. I've always been a kind of go around that obstacle type of person. I have a bad habit of assuming that people who DO things are superior in their make-up to me, so it's good to know that you weren't born a super-woman and just charged through to the land of honey.

I think I have the right idea of where I need to go next, which is getting some professional feedback on not just my gender issues, but self-esteem, self-confidence, PTSD, social anxiety stuff...all that baggage that makes every molehill a mountain to me. Part of me is in a hurry to get going, because I do feel time slipping by, but part of me wants to make sure I know what I am doing and where I am going to.

I'm very fortunate I have a partner who is kind and understanding and has supported me so far. I always feel I can be honest with her, so it's helped me get this far. It's just not fair to expect her to know any better than I how I can better live my life tomorrow.

[GypsyKaren]

I do have to agree with Kehleyr about one thing she mentioned, and that's about having to be brave in order to transition.I'm not going to downplay it because it is a big thing, but it really doesn't take bravery to be yourself, just a confidence in knowing who you are. I can be the biggest chicken ever (cluck cluck cluck), but being yourself is a right, not something you should be fighting others for. You're on a good path Kez, and I know you'll do well, so carry on!

Karen Starlene :star:

[AmberTG]

Oh Kerrianna, you sound so much like me, it makes me want to cry! Everything you talk about in your post, I have felt that way! A late onset TG, I knew something wasn't right as a teen, but I didn't know what it was until my 20s, and then I had no idea what to do about it, so I suffered with it for many years, thinking I was the only one who felt that way.
As for not being comfortable around people, that was always me, very few friends, and never the macho ones.
The mirror, I couldn't look at myself in the mirror unless I had to to shave, etc, I just didn't want to see that man staring back at me.
I distracted myself from my issues by being occupied with my hobbies and my constant "make work" at home, I was depressed often, like a roller coaster ride, all these"coping mechanisms" eventually destroyed my first marriage, the wife and kids were the the things I neglected in my depression and distractions.
I thought I could never actually transition until I met a person who was transitioning where I worked, about 10 years ago now. She was doing her transition through the Veteran's Administration hospital system. That scared me, because I realized it was actually possible to do something about it! I was convinced that I would just be a freak, even though my friend was not, she was quite passable when I met her. How could I ever do that and make it work?
Well, to make a long story short, after I actually started looking for the info on the internet, I realized that it was possible for me to transition, I think I took my first baby steps before I found CD.com
I have a long way to go, and I really don't yet know just how far I'm going to go in the end, but I'm certainly not where I wast to be as of now! To me, being brave doesn't have too much to do with transition, realizing that you, yes you, can actually do it is much more important, then it's just a decision to make. Only go as far as you need to, what ever works for you in the end.
A word of warning, if you start, be prepared to not be able to stop, the Syrenes of Ulyssies didn't have the power that transition has, just be sure you can navigate around the big rocks that would wreck your ship!

I'm sure you've seen this written many times here before, but start with laser or electrolysis. If that's all you ever do, it will help your self-esteem so much, not to see that beard shadow every morning. If you choose to go further, at least that step will be underway, or maybe even done. That will make a great deal of difference to your female appearance without affecting your male appearance too much, also, you will never have to explain the lack of beard shadow to anyone, people never ask about that, most of the time, they don't even notice it at all.

P.S. Having a friend to talk to about these things, and to share issues and adventures with is just such a blessing! I wouldn't be nearly as comfortable with myself if I hadn't met Teresa Amina, she's helped me in ways that I simply can't explain, just hanging around with her and seeing how comfortable she is in public has given me so much hope that I can get there myself! Never underestimate the power of friendship!

[AmberTG]

I suppose, in response to the question of this thread, I should say that I still don't know the answer to that question, all I know is how I feel about me, and the issue of having wanted to be, and wished I was, a girl, all my life from my teen years on. I'm not one who knew at the age of 4 that I was born in the wrong body, I actually had a relatively normal childhood, right up to puberty. After that is when I started to perceive that I was different from the other boys. I used to wonder if they ever thought about this stuff, but you just don't ask your friends those kind of questions unless you want to be teased mercilessly for it.
Anyway, that's how I am, and have been.
I should add, if you really want to find out if you're just "deluded" or "wishful thinking" about transition, try the acid test, start HRT or try living full time for a while, you'll know.

[tiffanyanne_69]

I do have to agree with Kehleyr about one thing she mentioned, and that's about having to be brave in order to transition.I'm not going to downplay it because it is a big thing, but it really doesn't take bravery to be yourself, just a confidence in knowing who you are. I can be the biggest chicken ever (cluck cluck cluck), but being yourself is a right, not something you should be fighting others for. You're on a good path Kez, and I know you'll do well, so carry on!

Karen Starlene :star:

The thing that most/all need to do is balance our needs versus our family's needs. Don't get me wrong, we can never forget ourselves . . . but, I, like many, have young children and a wife . . . is it fair to my daughters that I can't be their daddy and eventually walk them down the aisle . . . is it fair to my sons that they don't have the male role model they need . . . they certainly didn't ask for this or "deserve" the consequences of my decision.

I "KNOW WHO I AM" . . . I might end up going through full SRS, and I might not . . . I don't think that makes me any less of the woman I know I am inside.

You're right, its not all about being brave to making the decision to have SRS and "getting the end result" . . . there are many, many other variables that go into being able to get to that point. Not all TG's need to do it in fact . . . and what is "Transition" by the way (a topic for another deep conversation).

Here I go from being a reader and posting hardly anything, to being all controversial and speaking my mind of all things . . . what the hell am I thinking??? lol:rolleyes:

[Stephenie S]

No, your daughters do not need a "man" to walk them down the aisle. They need a whole, happy, complete, person as a parent. There are PLENTY of couples raising wonderfull, well adjusted children in same sex relationships. No, your son does not need a "male" role model to become a sucessful adult. He needs a whole, happy, complete person as a parent.

Please don't use that excuse to avoid thinking about transition. There are plenty of excuses already.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[kerrianna]

This is a great thread because there are those who have walked the walk who can help us decide if we need/want to too.

I thank ALL of you who are taking the time to speak their minds. It's not exactly how this thread started, but it's what it's become and I love that about forums.

Thank you Amber, for the kind words.

I'm lucky and cursed because I am fair haired. It means electrolysis and laser isn't as effective. But I went through my life without shaving, telling myself it was because I WANTED a beard, but since I cut it off and realized how much like MYSELF I look without it, I am living the excuse I always told other people. It's so much work shaving. But at least it does make a huge difference to the way I look. That's when having dark hair works against you for sure.

But the stubble depresses the hell out of me. I can't wait to get it off. It's like this disgusting fungus growing. Yuk.

If I can earn enough to afford it, I do think that's a good first step. That and getting some hair on top lol.

I bought myself a doll for Christmas (like I wanted when I was 5). I saw her in a Thrift Store and just KNEW Santa was buying her for me! :p She has beautiful curly red hair, and I was thinking as I combed her tonight how I want her hair. I used to have it, but it is one thing that would make me feel better about myself.

The sides are long, but my mom referred to it as a 'mad scientist' look. :rolleyes:

I want her to see her 'beautiful daughter.'

That's all I want.

I'm sure it was on Santa's list.

And I'm sure..cough cough :blushing: I was on the NICE list.

I mean...isn't there like a NAUGHTY/NICE list that guys like best? Is Santa any different? :battingeyelashes:

[GypsyKaren]

The thing that most/all need to do is balance our needs versus our family's needs. Don't get me wrong, we can never forget ourselves . . . but, I, like many, have young children and a wife . . . is it fair to my daughters that I can't be their daddy and eventually walk them down the aisle . . . is it fair to my sons that they don't have the male role model they need . . . they certainly didn't ask for this or "deserve" the consequences of my decision.


My kids are now adults and I don't owe them anything, it's my turn now, time to do for me. In any event, I stood up with my son at his wedding as his ''Best Girl", and the world didn't come to an end for it. What you're talking about are things that are burned into your mind as important, not theirs, all children want at the end of the day is someone who will love them and be there for them, gender be damned.

Karen Starlene :star:

[Kate Simmons]

ALL of my friends here are beautiful people, both inside and out. What truely makes the difference is we have the courage to discuss things and make plans on how to address these issues which is a lot better than sitting around brooding about it. In any case, the caliper and integrity of most of my friends here is beyond question. Need I say more?:happy: