Frances

[barfra]

Hello to all you gals out there, i would like you to answer a question for me, my wife is 100% supportive of me wearing female clothes i no why she dose this it is because she love me 100%. I don't no why some of your partners are so against you wearing female clothes, i don't under stand there thinking, that it so wrong for us to wear the same clothes as they do. We are the same Pearson underneath we still love them in male clothes or in female clothes in my mind we are doing nothing wrong we are not gay and we dont wont to be female, it is something we enjoy doing very much, why is it so wrong in some of our partners minds that it so wrong for us to wear the same clothes as they do.

[Dita_B]

The difference is that we don't only dress in female clothes, but we like to pass as a woman as well... At least that is my take on things...

A woman that wears male clothes, in general doesn't pretend to want to pass as a man...they do it more as a fashion statement. Unless of course they are transgendered as well... but that is another story all together...

My wife put it this way when I came out to her and she was telling me how hard of a time she had with it: She said: "What would you think of me when I would dress in army fatigues and proclaim that this is the way I am going to dress from now on"...

(no offense please to those who wear the uniform professionally).

Now my wife knows that I like to see her dressed as girly as she possibly can, so this comparison hit home...

However the other thing she mentioned was that girls expect the man in their lives to act out that male role. It is part of the equation of balance between male and female that a woman seeks when she marries...

But although I think I understand what she means, I cannot deny myself, the Transgendered one I really am... So I try to avoid as much as possible to "rub it into her face"... by being as discrete as possible with my dressing. Because my dressing has liberated the woman in me and there is no going back for me anymore...

Just my point of view...

:love:Dita.

[JoAnnDallas]

Dita.....


My wife put it this way when I came out to her and she was telling me how hard of a time she had with it: She said: "What would you think of me when I would dress in army fatigues and proclaim that this is the way I am going to dress from now on"...

This is not a good analogy....I have a neice that is in ROTC and she likes to wear fatigues all the time. LOL

[Ruth]

It's hard to come up with a good analogy for dressing in the other direction. Society's view of how the sexes "should" dress is so skewed that there is not a female equivalent for mtf CDing.

[KandisTX]

The simplest answer is "Because it is". You have to remember that many of us, men and women alike, are/were raised with the typical stereotypes of what is male and female. Men do this, Women do this, that sort of mentality and it is engrained in our minds from a very young age. Those of us that have supportive spouses or SO's are lucky in that they were able to look beyond those stereotypes to see what else there is out there in the world. We, as crossdressers are very much not the norm when it comes to society, and yet we all want to have that total acceptance at times. That is not going to happen in our lifetimes, nor in our childrens lifetimes, We must remember there is always going to be that segment of society that does not and will not accept our lifestyle.

Kandis:love:

[Ema1234 GG]

Normally because of the lies, the secrets, the complete obsession with anything and everything to do with dressing and presenting like a woman, the hours on the internet talking to other crossdressers, spending stupid amounts of money on things that they "just can't live without"...

If it really was just as simple as wearing women's clothes then I think far more partners would have an easier time accepting it. But sadly, in many cases, there's a lot more to it than that.

Additionally, many of us met and fell in love with/married our partners as men. To find that they actually have a very feminine personality and like to dress as a woman can be a huge shock and can be taken as a very big betrayal. To keep such a huge secret to yourself, to not tell the person you should be able to trust with anything, to perpetuate the lies to keep your secret, that's what actually causes the problems, not the clothes.

[Dita_B]

Additionally, many of us met and fell in love with/married our partners as men. To find that they actually have a very feminine personality and like to dress as a woman can be a huge shock and can be taken as a very big betrayal. To keep such a huge secret to yourself, to not tell the person you should be able to trust with anything, to perpetuate the lies to keep your secret, that's what actually causes the problems, not the clothes.

On the risk of being seen as hijacking this thread, I can't help myself to post here a "thank you" for saying it much better than I did... What you just expressed is, as far as I am concerned, at the heart of the problem, but to my defense I must say that I struggled most of my life against the crossdressing urge and hid the female aspects of my personality as good as I could... It was certainly not my intention to betray my wife and life partner. It was an internal struggle that I thought I could win once I was married that kept me from coming out with the truth... Until the steam had built up so much that the lid flew off the pot, in a manner of speaking...

I apologize to barfra/frances for posting twice in this thread... I should start a thread of my own about this...

:love:Dita.

[Tree GG]

I have toyed with the idea of cross-dressing for real. When my husband is in male mode - not femme. Slick my hair back, accumulate facial hair for a few months & enhance; strap down the girls and get a bulge. Not sure if I'd go the high-end route & put on a suit, or perhaps 18 yr old slouchy jeans to my rear and over-sized t-shirt.

Then I want my husband to take me out to a club and shopping for boy things. And I want to do this regularly, and I'm going to cut my hair off permanently short cause it makes CDing easier, and I'm going to let all my body hairs grow as nature sees fit, and no make-up. Yet I want him to still be physically and emotionally intimate with me both cross-dressed and not (but I like cross-dressed better). Will wear tightie whities or boxers to bed or full body jammies. After all, I'm still the same person. Nothing has changed but clothes.

How would he feel? Could/would he respond to me the same? Would he want friends/family to see him with me dressed? Would he care that general public saw him kissing a small man? How would YOU feel?

He has initially indicated that he would divorce me if I were transgendered and doesn't see why I stay with him.

What would you do?

[Ruth]

That's a good question but you're possibly asking in the wrong forum.
FWIW my wife has worn exclusively trousers for a number of years and wears her hair very short because she no longer can be bothered (she says) with looking after long hair. I would prefer her to look more feminine but she is my wife and I love her absolutely, however she dresses.

[Eugenie]

Normally because of the lies, the secrets, the complete obsession with anything and everything to do with dressing and presenting like a woman, the hours on the internet talking to other crossdressers, spending stupid amounts of money on things that they "just can't live without"...

Thank you so much Ema,

You made me feel more conscious of what I'm imposing to my wife... Although she is not participating in my x-dressing, she has accepted a lot more than I thought she did... Your post helped me realize that...

I think that you have indirectly helped my wife... I will be a lot more cautious not to abuse of the freedom she is giving me...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[Eugenie]

On a lighter side than my answer to Ema, which I want to thank again, here is an anecdote that may explain why our wives still like to have their men at their side...

One of my friends in Brussels is a cross-dresser too. We go out to restaurants "en femme" together or I visit her at her flat. Both of us have a great time being "en femme" for an evening.

One evening, before coming to her place, I asked her if she would do me a favour. Would "HE" walk me out with me "en femme" while HE would stay in his male attire? I told "HIM" that I would enjoy walking at the arm of a man... Since that friend is a extremely nice person, we went out with me as I had asked: him as a man me as a woman...

Well, call it a stereotype if you want, but I never felt so much as a woman as I did on that evening, walking in the Brussels streets, holding the arm of a nice looking, elegant gentleman...

So as a x-dresser, having a real man besides me made a big difference...

That may have something to do with the fact that our wives prefer to have a man besides them too...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[jennifer41356]

I have toyed with the idea of cross-dressing for real. When my husband is in male mode - not femme. Slick my hair back, accumulate facial hair for a few months & enhance; strap down the girls and get a bulge. Not sure if I'd go the high-end route & put on a suit, or perhaps 18 yr old slouchy jeans to my rear and over-sized t-shirt.

Then I want my husband to take me out to a club and shopping for boy things. And I want to do this regularly, and I'm going to cut my hair off permanently short cause it makes CDing easier, and I'm going to let all my body hairs grow as nature sees fit, and no make-up. Yet I want him to still be physically and emotionally intimate with me both cross-dressed and not (but I like cross-dressed better). Will wear tightie whities or boxers to bed or full body jammies. After all, I'm still the same person. Nothing has changed but clothes.

How would he feel? Could/would he respond to me the same? Would he want friends/family to see him with me dressed? Would he care that general public saw him kissing a small man? How would YOU feel?

He has initially indicated that he would divorce me if I were transgendered and doesn't see why I stay with him.

What would you do?

Tree GG

that is why I chose to explore my female side alone. I feel it isnt right to put someone thru and extra burden for something that is a big part of my life...I am happy being my female self and have friends who know me as Jennifer and enjoy being with her....If there is a woman out there who will accept the total package fantastic, if not , I understand the point of view

its a difficult thing to ask of someone , my:2c:

[Sheila]

Hello to all you gals out there, i would like you to answer a question for me, my wife is 100% supportive of me wearing female clothes i no why she dose this it is because she love me 100%. I don't no why some of your partners are so against you wearing female clothes, i don't under stand there thinking, that it so wrong for us to wear the same clothes as they do. We are the same Pearson underneath we still love them in male clothes or in female clothes in my mind we are doing nothing wrong we are not gay and we dont wont to be female, it is something we enjoy doing very much, why is it so wrong in some of our partners minds that it so wrong for us to wear the same clothes as they do.



:censor: :404::404::Pfft:

[kim85]

He has initially indicated that he would divorce me if I were transgendered and doesn't see why I stay with him.

spending stupid amounts of money on things that they "just can't live without"...
If it really was just as simple as wearing women's clothes then I think far more partners would have an easier time accepting it.
Additionally, many of us met and fell in love with/married our partners as men.
To keep such a huge secret to yourself, to not tell the person you should be able to trust with anything, to perpetuate the lies to keep your secret, that's what actually causes the problems, not the clothes.

Tree and Ema but it better than i could i bit my lip and didnt say a thing but thankyou girls for saying it for me :love::hugs:
Kim
xxx

[CaptLex]

FWIW my wife has worn exclusively trousers for a number of years and wears her hair very short because she no longer can be bothered (she says) with looking after long hair.
But that's not the same thing as what Tree is describing. Short hair and pants alone do not a male presentation make. There are plenty of beautiful, feminine women in pants and sporting short hair.

[Julie York]

.....because you're a man dammit!!



:eek:

[MJ]

I have toyed with the idea of cross-dressing for real. When my husband is in male mode - not femme. Slick my hair back, accumulate facial hair for a few months & enhance; strap down the girls and get a bulge. Not sure if I'd go the high-end route & put on a suit, or perhaps 18 yr old slouchy jeans to my rear and over-sized t-shirt.

Then I want my husband to take me out to a club and shopping for boy things. And I want to do this regularly, and I'm going to cut my hair off permanently short cause it makes CDing easier, and I'm going to let all my body hairs grow as nature sees fit, and no make-up. Yet I want him to still be physically and emotionally intimate with me both cross-dressed and not (but I like cross-dressed better). Will wear tightie whities or boxers to bed or full body jammies. After all, I'm still the same person. Nothing has changed but clothes.

How would he feel? Could/would he respond to me the same? Would he want friends/family to see him with me dressed? Would he care that general public saw him kissing a small man? How would YOU feel?

He has initially indicated that he would divorce me if I were transgendered and doesn't see why I stay with him.

What would you do?

well Tree that i would love to see... :p

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

I agree if it were only the clothes it should not and probably would not be a problem for our SO's. It is so much more in most of our cases so it does matter. I agree with Tree, my wife has "threatened" the same thing and I know that I would stay with her but it would be pretty wierd. I see her point and understand at least some of what she has to endure with my crossdressing.

[Audrey34]

This is probably one of the reasons I'm still alone. In addition to crossdressing from time to time I also like to tie up the ladies. I sometimes wonder how many women would tolerate one aspect of my personality (bondage) and also endure another (me dressing as Audrey). Both are important to me and if I ever got into a serious relationship I would defintely tell her straight away. But at the same time could I possibly burden a future partner with such a double-whammy? I'm just not sure so I tend to remain single for now.
-Audrey

[Carin]

IMHO.
Relationships and attraction are about chemistry. Some elements mix well, some just get along together, some can join together in perfect harmony and live happily ever after. Some don't mix well at all, but that is another story.

A relationship that has a subdued, camouflaged, undisclosed, secret or undiscovered element such as transgender tendencies (loosely defined on purpose) is just unfair chemistry. Not to blame anyone in particular, it is just plain unfair. The elements are changing after the bond has been formed. It doesn't matter whether it is just clothes, which it is for some, more than that for others. A TG's character or integrity may not have changed. GG's, I know you have heard the 'I am the same person' line. I've said it. We really mean we have not changed our character and integrity. But a changed persona has emerged. And that changes the chemistry. For some that still works.

To presume that it should work for everybody is naive. For some it doesn't really work. Then the challenge of maintaining the bond becomes a serious challenge. It takes hard work, patience, consideration, empathy and a whole lot more from both parties, and it is still unfair. Personalities will get caught up in learned behaviors. Communication is a challenge, even in good circumstances. Communication about this personality trait when we can not even explain to ourselves why we do it is a horrible obstacle. Not to mention about predicting the future.

Eugine described the appeal of a man by your side (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1133871&postcount=10) well. Tree describes another concept of the man by your side (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1133777&postcount=8) equally well. The chemistry works for some, it does not work for others.

I understand the challenge of
Normally because of the lies, the secrets, the complete obsession with anything and everything to do with dressing and presenting like a woman, the hours on the internet talking to other crossdressers, spending stupid amounts of money on things that they "just can't live without"... I thinks this is a secondary issue. I don't think that these are 'Normal' attributes of crossdressing or being transgendered. They may be personality traits based on various combinations of learned behaviors, cultures, social conditions and even genetics and nature. I am not trying to excuse these behaviors. I do want to separate the issues of one's 'behavior' from the issues of being 'transgendered' in the context of spousal (SO) issues with being transgendered. Just as I would want to separate such 'behavioral' issues from 'being a man' or 'being a woman'.


Additionally, many of us met and fell in love with/married our partners as men. To find that they actually have a very feminine personality and like to dress as a woman can be a huge shock
I absolutely agree with you on this point. This changes the chemistry of the bond. It can be a huge shock to the system and may or may not be recoverable in and of itself. It IS a different journey.

I think the idea of betrayal goes along with a need for blame. Few if any of us made a conscious decision to be transgendered. Prejudice and fear lay plenty of groundwork in the last century for this to be a subject not to be discussed or mentioned. How do you talk about something that is not intrusive to anyone (as long as it is kept private) and would be deemed to be disgusting, homosexual or the domain of sex offenders if disclosed. Times are thankfully changing, but some were caught it the middle.

The bottom line - again IMHO - is that the awareness of being transgendered introduced after the relationship bond had been established changes the chemistry of that relationship and it is not unreasonable that some people are quite upset and challenged by that.

[Fab Karen]

[QUOTE=Tree GG;1133777]I have toyed with the idea of cross-dressing for real. When my husband is in male mode - not femme. Slick my hair back, accumulate facial hair for a few months & enhance; strap down the girls and get a bulge. Not sure if I'd go the high-end route & put on a suit, or perhaps 18 yr old slouchy jeans to my rear and over-sized t-shirt.
QUOTE]
"She said hey babe, take a walk on the wild side" - Lou Reed

[Fab Karen]

[QUOTE=Ema1234 GG;1133766]... spending stupid amounts of money on things that they "just can't live without"...
QUOTE]

That can describe plenty of of GG's as well.
( this does not suggest that I support anyone lying/hiding it )

[SandyR]

I have a loving and very supportive wife, for that I am thankful! But, what if she got a thrill out of wearing, acting, and looking like a man.......Just a thought.

SandyR

[AmandaM]

I have a loving and very supportive wife, for that I am thankful! But, what if she got a thrill out of wearing, acting, and looking like a man.......Just a thought.

SandyR

No, I don't think I'd like that. Would I tolerate it? Maybe, if I'm not home and she doesn't do it in front of the kids. :tongueout

...you think I'm kidding...call me a hipocrite, cause that's what I am...

[Samantha43]

I have toyed with the idea of cross-dressing for real. When my husband is in male mode - not femme. Slick my hair back, accumulate facial hair for a few months & enhance; strap down the girls and get a bulge. Not sure if I'd go the high-end route & put on a suit, or perhaps 18 yr old slouchy jeans to my rear and over-sized t-shirt.

Then I want my husband to take me out to a club and shopping for boy things. And I want to do this regularly, and I'm going to cut my hair off permanently short cause it makes CDing easier, and I'm going to let all my body hairs grow as nature sees fit, and no make-up. Yet I want him to still be physically and emotionally intimate with me both cross-dressed and not (but I like cross-dressed better). Will wear tightie whities or boxers to bed or full body jammies. After all, I'm still the same person. Nothing has changed but clothes.

How would he feel? Could/would he respond to me the same? Would he want friends/family to see him with me dressed? Would he care that general public saw him kissing a small man? How would YOU feel?

He has initially indicated that he would divorce me if I were transgendered and doesn't see why I stay with him.

What would you do?


WOW!!! Those are some good points!

My wife is very accepting of my "hobby". I respect that and would never do anything that would embarrass or humiliate her.

It is enlightening to see the flip side though.