plzzzzzz advice

[sissyhaley]

Dear all,
I am new here and would really appreciate some advice on how to tell my parents i dress.:eek:

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Haley

It would be helpful to know a bit more first

Do you need to tell your parents
How old are you
Is there another option

I am not saying dont tell them just dont rush anything

[Charlotte Cross]

Dear all,
I am new here and would really appreciate some advice on how to tell my parents i dress.:eek:

It would be good to know if you live at home, age of parents, your age, etc. Do you have cd friends? Does anyone else know of what you do?
It might be best to adopt a "don't ask, don't tell" attitude, as I'm sure you're already doing.
You might also ask yourself what you want out of telling them. What will it create for you and for them?
Remember their feelings too. Don't be too selfish in your decision.
Unless it's just driving you totally crazy and you are just bursting to scream it out, it's probably best left alone.

[Ruth]

Haley, it's a complicated picture. Do you need to tell them? CDing is not something to be ashamed of but most of us do find that life goes more smoothly if we just tell this stuff to people who need to know.
I can imagine that if you're living with your parents it will make life easier if they are told. What's the situation?

[Eugenie]

Indeed,as Shelly said, we would need to have more info about you and the relation you have with your parents before any of us here can help...

Note that in that matter it is rather difficult to help a person via the Internet...

Telling the parents is certainly not an easy endeavour... Depending upon your age, their age, the friendly or rigid relation you have with them, your "coming out" could have a devastating impact on your femily life...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[sissyhaley]

Hi Haley

It would be helpful to know a bit more first

Do you need to tell your parents
How old are you
Is there another option

I am not saying dont tell them just dont rush anything

Dear shelly,
I am 19 years old and am studying medicine and live with my parents.
I feel suffocated wearing 'boy' clothes and need to dress.I am not able to suppress my urge and feel like just shouting it out.
Thanks for replying.

haley

[Ruth]

Sounds like you need to have the Talk. Best do with one parent first (probably your mother, but you're going to have to be the judge of this). Then when she is OK with the idea, you tell your father.
Parents are often sensitive to their children's concerns, and they may already suspect something.
As a rule, parents love their children come what may, so I do not think that you need fear rejection.

[KandisTX]

I agee with Ruth on this. It is time to have "The Talk" with one of them first. Most likely mom as Ruth said. I would suggest you feel her out first though, think about her thoughts on alternative lifestyles. Is she open-minded about these types of things? Have you the kind of relationship that allows for open conversations with her?

The other option is for you to move out on your own and live alone so you can do what you want in you own apartment. This may not be possible since you are a student and finances are not likely in your favor. Best of luck to you hon, and please keep us posted.

Kandis:love:

[vivianann]

I agree with KandisTx and Ruth, approach your mother first if you feel she will be more understanding, anyway it is better to get this out while you are still young I wish that I had, now I am making up for lost time 27 yrs later.
do you want to live full time as a woman? or just wear the clothes part time.
All I can say is you go girl :hugs:
:love:

[angelfire]

I'm 21, and was in a similar situation: Living at home still. I told them back a few months ago. I started off my just trying to tell me mom on her own, but she decided it is best if I told them both at the same time. Nothing really came of the discussion. They decided it is best if I don't tell anyone for now, and just keep it on the down-low, and since I don't want to make them uncomfortable, that also means no real dressing at home either.
Which means I get very little time to try and dress, because my mom is ALWAYS at home.

Nothing else much has come of it. I tried ordering breast forms and when my mom got the order at the door and signed for them, she got pretty pissed off, and basically asked me to stop ordering online (or I can get a PO Box).

Since then, it has basically been a don't ask, don't tell thing. They don't want to hear about it anyway, so there has basically been no huge negatives, but no positives either.

Just if you do tell them, be prepared to answer a lot of questions, and alot that will be irrelevant. The usual "are you gay" will obviously be asked, in addition to other things, like "Have you ever been out dressed" and other such things.

[Julie York]

It says in your profile you are 18.
Don't tell anyone.


You have no reason to. Think it through. You think that by telling your Mum or Dad they are going to let you flounce round the house in a cocktail dress? What do you want to achieve and will telling them achieve it?

It's not a passing phase but it is one that you might die of embarrassment from if you declare you hand before you even know what the cards are.


If you need to burst then tell your Mother and see what the reaction is.

[Fitzkim]

I feel suffocated wearing 'boy' clothes and need to dress.I am not able to suppress my urge and feel like just shouting it out.


haley

If this is more than just dressing, then you may want to hold off on telling your parents just yet. I think you should talk to a professional therapist who specializes in this area. You could be telling your parents one thing, when you may be another.

[xdresser4u2dressup]

None of us here know your situation that well and its hard to say .

There can be several different outcomes and it really all boils down to what your parents think , i would say if you just lived with mom it wouldnt be that hard but with Dad in the house its hard to say .

First off if you have any sisters ages 14 and up I would say get their support especially if you are close , then go to mom with sisters help . If you have a brother you might as well forget it unless he is gay .

second Keep in mind once you tell there can be many outcomes to this especially if your in the Bible belt < southeast > they may even kick you out the house . This also depends on their religion and beliefs . If your father hates gays and mother hates lesbians and they dont believe in none of it , I would keep my mouth shut and enjoy what time i have to dress up till you get caught . Cause once you tell there is a very good chance they will NOT allow you to dress up and will consistantly search your room thinkin your on drugs or something . So then there will be no more dressing at home .

Third adopt the dont ask dont tell policy , I have found this extremely helpful as i do work with a national company and in a small town < which makes things worse > . Though i have hired , Gay , Bi , Lesbian and others i have found those who dont keep it a secret have problems . Though now a days if you can show up on time , work your butt off and you dont blab it out or run customers off most employers dont care .

fourth even if your going to college full time , you can still work a job and maybe find a place of your own so you dont have to tell and can dress when you want to when not in school or working .

[angelfire]

The thing about telling them this is it is not something you can ever take back if. So I strongly suggest thinking things through thoroughly and weighing the options before making any rash decisions. If it ends well, thats great, but there is always the possibility they will not be accepting.

In my case, it wasn't so much my choice to tell, but I was kind of forced into it by them because I ordered a pair of shoes that didn't ship as quickly or discreetly as they had stated (was supposed to arrive while they were on vacation, took about 4 weeks more to get it, and they labeled what was inside), so my parents confronted me about it.

But since at this point, it is your option whether you want to or not, then like I said, weigh everything out and think things through, and come up with a plan well ahead of time. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

[Cindi Johnson]

You're 19. Soon you'll be on your own; maybe you could even move out now. I suggest you hold off on telling them until you get out on your own, as at that time you may reconsider the issue.

Not knowing your situation better, I'm leery of giving advice, but I never told my parents or siblings, and have never regretted it.

When you marry, your wife will know - sooner or later. Your kids will find out, as all kids are super snoopy. But that's different; you and your wife and your young kids will be a family unit; they'll accept and love you despite your flaws, and you'll do likewise.

Not so parents and their adult children. Upon reaching manhood, most sons have very complex feelings towards parents, particularly fathers. Many sons deeply dislike their fathers, and many fathers dislike or simply disregard their sons. Crossdressing will just exacerbate any existing tensions.

If you're TS the family will eventually know, but if you only CD then there's no reason they need to know. If you live in a city of any size, you can go out dressed every day and never run into your family or relatives.

As others have pointed out, there's not much you'll likely gain by telling them, and there's a whole lot you could lose.

Cindi Johnson

[sissyhaley]

It says in your profile you are 18.
Don't tell anyone.


You have no reason to. Think it through. You think that by telling your Mum or Dad they are going to let you flounce round the house in a cocktail dress? What do you want to achieve and will telling them achieve it?

It's not a passing phase but it is one that you might die of embarrassment from if you declare you hand before you even know what the cards are.



If you need to burst then tell your Mother and see what the reaction is.

dear julie,
Thank you for your advice.By the way my b'day is on 31st dec
so my profile is showing my age as 18.:straightface:

love,
haley


The thing about telling them this is it is not something you can ever take back if. So I strongly suggest thinking things through thoroughly and weighing the options before making any rash decisions. If it ends well, thats great, but there is always the possibility they will not be accepting.

In my case, it wasn't so much my choice to tell, but I was kind of forced into it by them because I ordered a pair of shoes that didn't ship as quickly or discreetly as they had stated (was supposed to arrive while they were on vacation, took about 4 weeks more to get it, and they labeled what was inside), so my parents confronted me about it.

But since at this point, it is your option whether you want to or not, then like I said, weigh everything out and think things through, and come up with a plan well ahead of time. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

dear angel,
I really appreciate all the advice.Thank you for taking time to help me.

love,
haley

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Just remember that once the cat is out of the bag you can't puit it back in. think of all the negatives and the positives and decide for yourself which way to go. If I had my life to do over I would have come out to everyone years ago since I would just love to live full time en femme and because of the path I have taken it is not the best course for me to pursue now.
Good luck in whatever you decide.

[sexotik]

Exactly once you're out, you won't be able to go back; there's no turning back.
See what happened to me: though it's not related to xdress,it involves my parents.A couple of days ago, I had my lower lip pierced when I showed it to my parents, their reaction was not what I'd expected it'd be, they were mad, so I stopped to think what if they find out one day I'd like to xdress, they'd probably stop talking to me or start accepting with the passing of time.

I wish you the best. I don't know if you'll read my advice, but if you want xdress, do it in another city first, that way the ppl you live around won't look at you or your parents differently. Always remember work it girl!

Besos