A unique problem

[Shannon CD]

Ok. I'm not even sure how to present this. I have a rather unique potential problem. I'll start with a little background, very briefly. In my 20's I spent quite a bit of time trying to be a "rock star" playing in bands in Los Angeles trying to get a record deal. (I sometimes wonder if my glam band days had much to do with my dressing)

Eventually I gave up. The nice thing about that was that I could dress without worrying too much about it. If I wasn't going to be famous then who cares what I do in my spare time, right?

So after 15 years or so of getting more and more into my dressing I have a fateful conversation with a friend who had still been pursuing his dream, but was about to give up. I told him he couldn't...his songs were just too good, so he asked if I would play in the band if he started it up. Well... I did.

Now things are beginning to look as though something might happen. He signed a production deal and we have recorded his debut album. If it gets picked up by a record company it could very well get national airplay and a tour is not out of the question.

So I ask...what have I gotten myself into? If his music sells and he becomes well known, what happens if it gets out that one of his band members is a crossdresser? Part of me wants to back out so that he is never subjected to that, but the bigger part of me wants to find out if the reality is as good as the dream. Any advice would be helpful.

Shannon

[Carla Mel]

Shannon, you only know if you can be outed or not. If it is possible, then the question probably is what is your relation with your friend, do you think you owe him some honesty?
Kisses
Carla

[thatgirl]

your not the only on who crossdress, there are tons of bands where there are more than just one person in the band playing is a crossdresser and are well know so it dosent matter. your not the only one.

[Marvina Martian]

Honesty is the best policy! If you have been instrumental in his success he will want to keep you around. It is not uncommon for band members to crossdress, so make sure you have some good points to make and sit down with him. You may be surprised, he may already know or have at least an inkling...You never know. Musicians are very sensitive usually and in my past experiences they are very compassionate and understanding people, this is what makes them good at what they do!

In fact, thinking about it, if I were in your shoes I would write something that tells your story. Who you are, why you do it, what you want out of it and where this will leave him. Sometimes it is just so much easier to get all your point and information out in writing. Just be there to talk about it with him and work things out.
It may be a long night but I think that you will be so much better off in the long run.

But this is just my 2d perspective as I don't know the two of you and have all the info at hand.

Good luck!:hugs:

[trannie T]

Everybody knows that musicians are all weirdos and drug addicts. So being a crossdresser should be no big deal.
Seriously if you do get outed I doubt it would be a big issue, assuming you're not playing some kind of christian music.

[KELLYANN]

HI SHANNON. JUST GO GIRL. persue your dreams. you are who you are in your heart. your TRUE friends will always be there. HUGS KELLYANN

[Carin]

let's see. David Bowie, Elton John... you are in good company.

How many famous musicians do you know who dress in suits and ties?

Hmmm. Don't you get to wear makeup on stage or in front of a camera.

Seriously, let your friends know so that they are not blindsided. After that let your personality live. Your music does not come from your instrument. It should come from you soul.

[Angie G]

Go for you dream hun :hugs:
Angie

[Kate Simmons]

I agree with Carin and Angie my friend. Live your dream, you have so much to give.:happy:

[Michelle 51]

I,m old so i remember the band Alice Cooper who crossdressed on stage .If your friend makes it you included i don,t think the fact you wear a dress will hurt plus your friend seems to be cool with it. justabit

[Shelly Preston]

Cairn is right

There are so many musicians where it never did any harm Freddie Mercury is another example

However I understand your concern but its more accepted in the music business than a lot of other professions

If it does get national airplay then you hae to consider telling the other band members

[Celeste]

Everybody knows that musicians are all weirdos and drug addicts. So being a cross dresser should be no big deal.
Seriously if you do get outed I doubt it would be a big issue, assuming you're not playing some kind of Christian music.

I'm a musician and couldn't imagine compromising my abilities through the use of any mind altering substance. Classical and jazz musicians do not fall into this generalization because of the level of difficulty of their given piece. Online the other night I noted a bass player out of N.Y.C. who headlines nightly and is out of the closet who draws quite an audience. Try running a search on musicians who CD. Andreas Segovia,distinguished?Absolutely. Weirdo, don't think so.My favorite statement by him,{"One must be 50 to play "Chaconne"}.To the point, 60,s and 70,s drug use was common place. Now, "don't give up your day job".

[Raychel]

Just my :2c:

But who would ever think that a rock start would have some out of the (BLAH) ordinary lifestyle.

You only go this way once, go for it.

[MsJanessa]

Don't you think you are putting the cart before the horse? I wouldn't be concerned about being outed after becoming rich and famous if I'm not rich and famous yet. Besides which being rich and famous as a rock star means you can be kind of wild and eccentric---nobody is really going to care if you cd in that type of venue. After all it's not like you are running for President.

[battybattybats]

What is the style of music? Maybe it could be appropriate, and even if not really, the publicity if you were outed part way through could actually help!

[Lisa Golightly]

I thought art was about self-expression...

[Ally K]

I'm in a few bands that tour and I've had no problems yet. *knock on wood*

Its not like you're going to be wearing a dress on stage.

Unless you want to... :D

xoxo
Ally

[Emily Ann Brown]

If as a minister I survived an outting I'm sure you can as a musician....of course like someone else pointed out "as long as it isn't Christian music".

Are you sure your friend doesn't have some dark secret YOU don't know about???? GIGGLE GIGGLE.

Emily Ann

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Perhaps you could suggest openly crossdressing for your band. It would be something that would cause your band to stick it out, and be noticed more. That way you don't have to worry about the consequences of being outted. Bands such as Poison, Twisted Sister were able to pull it off.

[Eugenie]

Hi,

I'm a musician too. I used to play in a jazz group. I like to sing and improvise in scat. I would love to sing while "en femme"... I'm almost as plump as some classic jazz singers... :D So that's already something...

To answer more directly your question, in the artistic field, talents is what counts most. The fact that you x-dress is probably less important.

We have here in France a singer who is very high on the list and who sometimes gives concerts "en femme"... Nobody complains and that has not hindered his carreer.

:hugs:
Eugenie

[breannia]

so what. look at it this way a new fan base from this site alone.

[Reba Kay]

I toured for several years with a rock and roll show. I was always scared of getting outed and it would reflect on the rest of the group. Never dressed around the others and they didn't have a clue. So one fall we where in the northeast doing a tour and someone suggested getting dressed in costums for the halloween show. Everyone had decided what to wear and they ask me what I was going to wear and I said either a clown or a hooker. They said, sure I bet you would go on stage like that. That was all it took, a challage. so when I came out of the dressing room that night, with 4" heels,black hose, beautiful wig, nakeup and a mini skirt, there mouths dropped open. Had the most fun that night on stage. From then on it was never a fear of dressing or getting caught, cause I was considered the wild one in the group that liked to wear dresses. It was like it was all brought out in the open and they just joked about it once in awhile. In fact they are on the road right now, I didn't go on this trip due to illness in the family. Reba Kay

[JoAnnDallas]

Don't forget about "Boy Goeorge". Everyone knew he was a male, but he sure looked female when he would sing on stage.

[Shannon CD]

Everybody knows that musicians are all weirdos and drug addicts. So being a crossdresser should be no big deal.
Seriously if you do get outed I doubt it would be a big issue, assuming you're not playing some kind of christian music.


What is the style of music? Maybe it could be appropriate, and even if not really, the publicity if you were outed part way through could actually help!

Well, unfortunately the genre is not what it was. No more wild rock band, it is now country music which I think is a bit too conservative for something like this. Up until recently I had never heard of a country artist that dressed, then I saw a group called Old Rugged Crossdressers, but I think it is just a gimick.

And, yes, I probably am putting the cart befor the horse, but I wouldn't have brought it up if it wasn't looking like a very real possibility. I doubt that I will be the one who is either rich or famous, this would be more of a hired back-up band situation. But it is very possible that he will be.

Thank you all for your advice, it definitley gives me some perspective. Lot's to chew on.

Shannon

[joann07]

I'm with everyone on this.
Go for it girlfriend. :thumbsup:

Although I was never talented with a musical instrument, I loved listening to all kinds of music. And when I grew up in the late 70's and 80's, I watched videos of bands, such as, KISS, Culture Club Boy George, Alice Cooper, Elton John, Poison, etc, etc, etc. There were men wearing all kinds of makeup, femme clothes, and of course BIG hair.

http://www.liketotally80s.com/images/poison.jpghttp://www.earthisland.org/the-edge/TwistedSister!.jpghttp://data.foxytunes.com/artist_images/701/005/000/5701-large.jpg
http://www.poemhunter.com/i/lyrics/singers/65/3465_b_7222.jpg

There are all kinds of strange and unusual things going on in the music world and I'm sure that the people who live and work in the business have seen it all, especially in L.A.
So, with you being a crossdresser, I don't think you'd get much of a snicker, if that. In my opinon, I think the people will encourage you to express yourself how you want to be. :)
Someone mentioned that people do wear makeup on stage, that's even better because you can have your own make up artist to doll you up. :star:
What a win-win situation that would be. :cool:

Hugs!

[Stephanie Scott]

Shannon,

This is an interesting one! I have these thoughts (in the "For whatever it's worth" category):

1. It is your friend's band (I assume), so he is the decision-maker. I think you have an obligation to tell him (if your dressing goes beyond the confines of your own house). That way, he gets to make the decision about the conditions, if any, he wants on you to remain in the band. Perhaps something can be worked out that satisfies both of you? Perhaps your dressing can be incorporated into the band's image? Or maybe because it's the country music industry, he might ask you to choose? If you want it badly enough, you'll stop dressing while a part of the band -- dressing up, after all, IS a behavior we can control. Or maybe he'll ask you to limit your dressing to private occasions?

2. If there is any industry where I would think you wouldn't have to worry so much, it would be the music/entertainment industry. Obviously, the fact that it's county music complicates it somewhat, but then, maybe this would be a unique niche for the band -- especially if your dressing were incorporated in a "conservative" manner, rather than a wild, flashy "over-the-top" manner that the bands of yore used to do it? What fun would that be for you? And what a boon to crossdressers for folks to see a "regular" guy out there unafraid to dress up and acting "normal." In other words, you could just be like any other number of conservative-looking girls who play country music -- except you're a guy!

Just food for thought. Good luck!

Stephanie

[BethCD]

Shannon, How often do you dress? Would you feel comfortable going long stretches NOT dressing??
Maybe it could be part of the act, if not...
There are lots of TG bands out there, like All the Pretty Horses, Girlfriendz, see http://groups.yahoo.com/group/thecrossdressingmusician/

Good luck, please let us know what happens, we're pulling for you !

Beth

[Samantha B L]

Shannon, Go for it. An opportunity like that won't come again. The crossdressing hadn't ought to be a big problem. If it's a concern,I don't think your freind with the production deal will be uptight about it. He's known you for a long time. Of course he may have ideas about everything from each player's stage stance to certain clothing items he wants you to wear and maybe this won't include en fem. But you've got all your spare time to dress however you like. If this band turns out to be more aggravating than satisfying you can split later on but as you probably don't need to be reminded,give your freind and the people in the band a few weeks notice

[Shannon CD]

Thank you all for your input. I know this is early in the game, but I want to be prepared. I'm hoping that as long as my friend is the focus, I can enjoy all of this in relative anonymity.

I do seem to have less of an urge to dress over the last year that I have been playing in this band, so who knows...maybe it will never become an issue. Either way, I have a lot to mull over.

Shannon

[Julogden]

Don't sweat it, go for it. Everything will be OK.

Carol

[Kieroney]

Well there was Motley Crue, Twisted Sister, and the list can go on, who cares, it will add to the sales. I say go for it, that's what makes bands great, something with a twist to it.

[Dizzy-Chan]

Don't worry about it too much. I've played a couple of shows in drag, one in front of a good majority of my high school peers, and only got compliments (and, well, a couple of death threats, but it's tennessee, what are you gonna do.)

Also, here is a bunch of pictures of Mana from a japanese band called malice mizer.

http://www.freewebs.com/ivorypaperdoll/3ManainMM.htm

Yes, that is a dude.

[Mixie]

And don't forget about Bill Kaulitz. He's in a german band, can't remember the name, just the face.

[Dizzy-Chan]

And don't forget about Bill Kaulitz. He's in a german band, can't remember the name, just the face.

I hate Tokio Hotel but oh my GOD bill is such a hottie.

[Suzie S.]

Shannon, follow your dream! :thumbsup: This opportunity may not arise again! I wish you the best of success! :happy:

[Mercedes]

Considering what some of the current celebrity Musicians (term used loosely) are doing (from DUI, rehab, fistfights, not even mentioning parenting skills) I don't think a guy in a dress could get a headline!! :)

Mercedes XOXOXO

[StayceeCD]

Everybody knows that musicians are all weirdos and drug addicts. So being a crossdresser should be no big deal.
Seriously if you do get outed I doubt it would be a big issue, assuming you're not playing some kind of christian music.

Well, I personally take offense to that comment! I'm a professional musician who has spent countless hours honing the craft! When all my friends were out drinking and smoking in the 70's, where was I? PRACTICING in my basement! Just step back and look at what you wrote and realize that this is the exact same mentality people have towards crossdressers. Just substitute weirdos and drug addicts for weirdos and gays! Well I guess I'm double screwed cause I'm both a musician and a crossdresser! Wow.. How is it that I'm in my 40's and still playing for a living, own a house, own several cars, have kids, everything that "non weirdos' do.. Oh.. It must be all the DRUGS I take!! Wake up!! The 60's were 40 years ago!! Musicians don't do drugs anymore! There are too many talented people out there that would love my job! It's just like any other business. Only more heartbreaking! :mad:

[Melissa A.]

Well, I personally take offense to that comment! I'm a professional musician who has spent countless hours honing the craft! When all my friends were out drinking and smoking in the 70's, where was I? PRACTICING in my basement! Just step back and look at what you wrote and realize that this is the exact same mentality people have towards crossdressers. Just substitute weirdos and drug addicts for weirdos and gays! Well I guess I'm double screwed cause I'm both a musician and a crossdresser! Wow.. How is it that I'm in my 40's and still playing for a living, own a house, own several cars, have kids, everything that "non weirdos' do.. Oh.. It must be all the DRUGS I take!! Wake up!! The 60's were 40 years ago!! Musicians don't do drugs anymore! There are too many talented people out there that would love my job! It's just like any other business. Only more heartbreaking! :mad:

Very good Staycee. You definitely needed to respond there. Well done.

Hugs,

Melissa:happy:

[Melissa A.]

Shannon, Unless you think your band will make it to the ultra-top tier of famedom. I don't think it will hurt your friend, or the band, if you are outed. (your own personal life is another story, but that's your choice). There are so many bands out there, and we know the details of the personal lives of maybe 1%, if that. I really wouldn't worry about it. Now if you plan to dress on the road, you may want to tell your partner, if he really is a good friend, for obvious reasons.

Hugs,

Melissa:happy:

[Carly D.]

If you two are friends then ask him what he thinks of crossdressers.. and go from there..

[StayceeCD]

I wouldn't worry about it at all... Take it as an amazing opportunity to dress in your hotel room, and maybe go out to some TG clubs in whatever city you're touring in! Just make sure to check your "girly things" on flights this way you won't get outed by a TSA agent looking through your things!