how do i tell

[jennigrace]

Hi Girls,
I have tried in the past to tell my wife and she told me never to bring it up again. I really don't want to hide it from her but I don't have much choice. I mentioned on our honeymoon in Switzerland that I sometimes liked to wear panties and she told me "no more". We have been married 23 years and I feel guilty dressing behind her back. The desire never goes away though and I still hide my "stash". I have purged more times than I can count but I always come back. Any suggestions?
Jennigrace

[Emily Ann Brown]

Accept who you are sis.....until you do you will stay in a turmoil.


Emily Ann

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Jenni

You need to read the link in in my signature on telling your partner

I hope it all works out for the best :hugs:

[jennigrace]

Thanks Shelly

[Mary Morgan]

Only thing I can add to what Marla and Emily have to say is that you need to know your own mind before you talk to your spouse or anyone else. You will of course be asked alot of questions, you need to know the answers, and you need to be convicted in your positions. If you pull your punches, equivocate, or respond vaguely, you will not have achieved your objective and may make things worse between you. Be prepared, be committed, and be honest. A loving relationship can make room for alot of things including crosssdressing. Remember that you have known a long time, and she is just now finding out. Take it slow and steady. Good Luck. Hugs, Mary Louise

[NovaScotia]

Hi Jenni

You need to read the link in in my signature on telling your partner

I hope it all works out for the best :hugs:

I followed Shelly's advice, read the link and prepared for when the time was right. Although no time is really "right", I was able to get it out in the open with my wife, and we are now doing just okay. She did not want to use any of the material I had prepared as suggested in the article, but did her own, independant research. She used WEBMD and it was not helpful to my position at all. I would like to think that I am not mentally ill, but the articles posted at WEBMD link us to many not so desireable types of sexual deviations. With this in mind, she does respond to the many years of our marriage as a more true indicator as to my stability and ability to be a good father, husband and grandfather. At this time, I am not dressing in her presence, or pressing her as recommended in the article, but I regularly make comments that keeps the situation in mind. My goal is to slowly become more active in my second self, prepared to expect a divorce or seperation, but hoping for the best.

[Billijo49504]

Hi Jenni, If she lays down the law to you like that. She must wear the pants in the family, so that leaves you to wear the skirts and dresses. Good luck...BJ

[Eugenie]

Like you, I told my wife quite early after we got married... She barely tolerated it but after 38 years she is finally evolving to be slightly more positive about it...

I hope the process will be somewhat faster in your case.

Part of the answer, as was said is to accept yourself for who you are. How can we expect other to accept us if we don't ourselves... I speak here out of personnal experience. Things started to improve as I finally came to accept that I was indeed a x-dresser... My wife could see the changes. That created some bad episodes but did finally get us to really talk about the subject...

I'm not pretending that this is "THE" solution, but I just wanted to share that experience.

:hugs:
Eugenie

[ptp009]

I think you offered and told her which was the right thing and your concious should be cleared, but you just need to work it out with yourself and if the subject comes up tell her you offered and she din't want to discuss and get on with it.

[Susan G]

Hang in there, I had the same results at first, give it time...........

[Nicole Erin]

Well if she just will NOT hear of it, then yeah you might have no choice but to keep it totally private. The important thing is she knows so at least if she did find your stash or saw you dressed it is not as big a shock.

[SandyR]

Hun, all I can say is it about 50/50. Some wifes accepct, and some don't. Mine did. Keep it real, and hope it works out for you!

Hugs!

SandyR

[Genifer Teal]

I have no personal experience with telling a partner after they know me. I decided a long time ago that it was a difficult task no matter how you spin it. Instead, I make sure they know when we first meet. It is a lot easier to walk away from someone before you get to know them. In my last few relationships, Genifer is who they met first. I find that works best.

With my disclaimer aside, here is some advice. There is not much to go on aside from a few words uttered 23 years ago. Have you thought about what you said and how you phrased it? How you present it can make a world of difference. None of us here (I hope) would approach a girl and say "You wouldn't want to go out with me, would you?"

If you phrased it in a negative way, it might have added to her concern. If you never spoke of it again, then you only got her initial reaction. It doesn't seem like you had much chance to explain. If so, her negative thoughts were all based on her own conceptions / misconseptions driven by the general public's opinion of us. We know how true these can be. <<<---sarcasm

If you plan to bring it up again, think of how you can put it in a positive light. Maybe you could lead into it gradually like explaining, "My underwear is uncomfortable, it chaffes. Why don't thay make it in smoother fabrics and with more elastic so it doesn't bunch up?" This could be a lead in to a search for more comfortable underwear - which may turn out to be womens underwear. Modify this as you see fit. I think this sounds a lot better than the thought of you wearing womens underwear for the thrill. That is likely how society has preprogramed her mind.

Best of luck to you.