Where I'm at. . .

[Mr Lesbian]

Hello all, you guys are great, what a support group. I must say that most of the posts here are from far more advanced CDs than I think I'll ever be.

It all started when I wore my mother's bathrobe when I had no clean clothes, very young. Then later I tried on Pantyhose and was hooked. I think my parents found a discarded pair and took away my collection that I had been using for "art projects."

Later once I got married, I had access to women's clothing again and after a few years of marriage admitted it to my wife. She was completly supportive and just warned me not to stretch out anything of hers. After the pregnancy I was in bliss, now she had all this plus size stuff that fit me great to try on, and I could dress in full costume. I've only tried make-up twice. Once, I even got up the nerve to put on some hose when i was with my wife, it was awesome!

Well, now I'm at a crossroads. (pun intended) I feel it's a little like a drug. I still love dressing, but I want more. I'm tried of just her clothes to pick from. She has willingly bought me my own pair of panty-hose, which is great, but I would like to take it to the next level.

I don't want to go out in public, that's a crazy fantasy at this point. Sure, you might say I'm in the closet, but, I like it there, or in the bedroom, but mostly I just want it to be a private thing. I would be mortified if anyone other than my wife knew.

But, I wonder about shaving, I would love to shave my legs and chest, and I brought up getting some shoes, but my wife said, "Let's not go there." jokingly. I don't think she knew if I was being serious or not.

Sure I'd love to have a wardrobe and a wig and get all shaved and made-up, but it's so much more than what I do know. even though she knows, I think if I took it to that level, it would bother her, and I'm afraid to ask.

Lastly, from what I've read this starts out as a mostly sexual thing, and then turns into a hobby, or a stress reducing activity in most CDs. Right now I'm mostly at the sexual phase. I get turned on, then I change when I'm done, and that's it. But sometimes. . .I stay dressed for a long period of time and the arousal goes away, and I feel comfortable, relaxed, but then I eventually do what I started out to do and change back.

Whew, this is all so personal, I can't believe I got all this out, but hey that's the wonder of anonymity online right?

One more thing, as I'm straight, (duh) like most, or all of us, it sure is weird seeing others dressed up. I mean if you pull it off I'm amazed, but other times, again as a straight guy, and I mean no offense, it's creepy looking at a guy dressed, especially when i can tell. It's a wonder I even enjoy looking at myself in a mirror dressed. I've also read that crossdressing can stem from a desire to have complete control of a woman, but not in a sick or demeaning way. I relate to that though. I feel like if my wife wanted to have sex as often as I did, and dress up in lingere and ****ty clothes all the time in the bedroom, than my desire to CD would go away. I just thought I'd put that last thought out there. I often wonder about that. Well, if anyone reads this, thanks for listening.

I don't have a femme name

[Wendy me]

you will probly fit in more than you thought here. enjoy ask a lot stay a long time............

[Priscilla1018]

Hi Mr Lesbian,

First of all welcome to the family.You will find so much support and understanding here.You are truly not alone and will find many differant levels of crossdressing here.From those still in the closet to those who go out dressed and those who want the sexual reassignment surgery.We are all transgender.I think you are going to enjoy this site very much.

Love and Hugs,
Priscilla

[Joanna]

It takes a lot of courage to say what you said (even with anonymity)

well done you!!!!!!

hope you find lots of supportive freinds here



Joanna

[Aloha_Dana]

I feel like if my wife wanted to have sex as often as I did, and dress up in lingere and ****ty clothes all the time in the bedroom, than my desire to CD would go away.

Mr Lesbian, Welcome to The Forum.

Just a quick comment, your thought here has run through my mind as well, but I answered it (my question) the moment I read your post.

Before I was married I was in a long term relationship w/a very sexy, great looking woman, who didn't really 'play' w/me while en femme, yet supported me in almost every way. She had a higher sex drive then I did. Dressed as sexy as she could. Yet, I still dressed.

Now, married to a conservative woman, and I still dress.

Totally different women, same desire to dress. The urge/desire/need is internal, not external/environmental.

Dana

[Marianne]

Mr. Lesbian.

Relax, you're amongst friends here.

Cross-dressing isn't a contest or a race. How 'far' you go with it is very much a personal thing.

Some folks like rock-climbing, they aren't any less of a rock-climber for only climbing artifical rock-faces at the local rock-climbing gym. Some folks climb Mount Everest or Annapurna. They are all rock-climbers.

Some folks act on stage. Whether they only act at the local amateur theater or whether they are a member of the Royal Shakespeare Company or whether they have won an Oscar in a movie that grossed a bazzilion dollars in the first week makes no difference. They are all actors.

Some folks are musicians. Some play for relaxation and the occasional party. Some make a living from playing weddings. Some play clubs. Some play at the 'Grand ole Opry'. Some become bazzillionares. All are musicians.

Some folks are in the military. Not all of them win the Congressional Medal of Honor.

Some folks are employed in the space program. Not all of them are the first man in space or the first man on the moon. (Some of us know who 'Yuri Gagrin' and 'Neil Armstrong' are. A few of us can name the first woman in space ( Colonel-Engineer Valentina Vladimirovna Tereshkova), few can pronounce her name!).

Discussing this side of yourself with your wife is perhaps the most difficult challenge you will face. The only advice I can offer it to be honest. Don't hide it, don't lie about it, don't ever break the trust she has in you. If you don't know how to communicate, then perhaps do some research and consider talking to a professional counsellor.

Understand yourself, understand your own feelings before taking that path tho, since if you don't *know* yourself , your feeligns and desires, then you cannot possibly communicate them.

And be aware the *she* may have her own limitations, be respectful of those. Marriage is a compromise, a mutual understanding.

Perhaps 'test' her feelings and thoughts by suggesting a complete 'gender swap' for Halloween. If she reacts negatively to that then keep it in mind, it is , after all, a communication about her feelings.

That last part, well, yah. I am my own worst critic there. I can look at myself in the mirror and see an ageing, overweight, grey-haired guy in a dress. :)

We're all different tho, don't confuse sexual preference for cross-gender preference. They aren't the same thing at all.

And, above all, be HONEST with yourself, try to understand yourself (and beleive me, that can take more than one lifetime).

Here, you're amongst friends, follks who have walked the same path through life that you are walking. Some of us are 'just like you', some of us are 'similiar', some of us are 'different'. We all share something tho.

But just because some of us have climbed Mount Everest ( in a string bikini!) doesn't mean you *have* to.

[Mr Lesbian]

Wow, thanks, Marianne. I was realy looking for some feedback like that. Even if you did go overboard with the examples.

Yeah, I've thought I could get away with halloween. Actually I'm sure she'd be fine with it, but my friends might be shocked if they realize I went as far as shaving my legs and actualy wearing panties for the sake of a halloween costume.

Yeah, I don't worry about my sexuality, I did at first, but now that I've read up I realize this is normal, and not a sign of being gay. To quote Seinfeld, "Not that there's anything wrong with it."

Anyway, I guess my biggest hurdle is telling my wife that I'd like to go all the way with the shaving and make-up and buying some clothes, but I know it's beyond her limits.

I know it's not a race or a competition, but deep down I really do want to take it as far as I can. Do all CDs just wish they could snap their fingers and become a beautiful woman whenever they want? That's what I want, and that's what I sometimes imagine, just to forgoe the hassle of dressing up sometimes, or when I can't because of my wife being home.

Part of me is disappointed at what you said about the desire not changing based on external stimulus. I guess I still feel a little ashamed that I do this, and wanted on some level an excuse, ie. I'm not having my sexual needs met, or something like that. But I know that having acceptance from my wife is all I need, and I'll be okay as long as she isn't freaked out. I am honest with her, but I'm not ready to go any further. Again, it would be so much easier if the transformation was reversible, like snapping my fingers.

However, I did read that some CDs shave themselves in cold weather so no one will notice. Too bad I just realized this option as the weather is changing. I can probably hold out until next winter. . .I suppose.

[Marianne]

Wow, thanks, Marianne. I was realy looking for some feedback like that. Even if you did go overboard with the examples.


Ya think?


Yeah, I've thought I could get away with halloween. Actually I'm sure she'd be fine with it, but my friends might be shocked if they realize I went as far as shaving my legs and actualy wearing panties for the sake of a halloween costume.

*shrug* One of the most interesting halloween costume I ever saw was one of my neighbors, He dressed as tube of toothpaste, complete with a full haed and facial shave, white glossy theatrical face paint. He was a 60+ year old WWII vet who had stormed the beaches at Normandy. No-one stood in his face and said "toothpaste! what are you, gay?" (probably because if they had, several of us 'macho' men would have reacted. The guy hosting the party was dressed as a 'Santa elf', I was dressed as a ninja.)


Yeah, I don't worry about my sexuality, I did at first, but now that I've read up I realize this is normal, and not a sign of being gay. To quote Seinfeld, "Not that there's anything wrong with it."

Many of the 'girls' here are hetero males. (I'm not, I'm bi). cross-dressing and sexuality aren't the same thing, one doesn't *require* the other. You can be 'Larry the cable guy' in a dress and still only prefer women.


Anyway, I guess my biggest hurdle is telling my wife that I'd like to go all the way with the shaving and make-up and buying some clothes, but I know it's beyond her limits.

I understand, just suggested Halloween as a possible way to 'test the water' without stepping beyond the 'comfort zone'.

From my own experiecnes, my (soon to be ex) wife wasn't comfortable because she felt like she was a lesbian , it wasn't 'good' for her.


I know it's not a race or a competition, but deep down I really do want to take it as far as I can. Do all CDs just wish they could snap their fingers and become a beautiful woman whenever they want? That's what I want, and that's what I sometimes imagine, just to forgoe the hassle of dressing up sometimes, or when I can't because of my wife being home.

You aren't alone in that, I wish I coudl sanp my fingers too, it's a lot easier than the several hours of work it takes.


Part of me is disappointed at what you said about the desire not changing based on external stimulus. I guess I still feel a little ashamed that I do this, and wanted on some level an excuse, ie. I'm not having my sexual needs met, or something like that. But I know that having acceptance from my wife is all I need, and I'll be okay as long as she isn't freaked out. I am honest with her, but I'm not ready to go any further. Again, it would be so much easier if the transformation was reversible, like snapping my fingers.

Not sure I understood that. Ask yourself how you think your wife woudl feel about beign forced into a lesbian encounter, adn to help, ask yourself how *you* would feel if she turned around and told you she would be turned on if you were to experiecne a 'gay' encounter.


However, I did read that some CDs shave themselves in cold weather so no one will notice. Too bad I just realized this option as the weather is changing. I can probably hold out until next winter. . .I suppose.

Do you shave your face? Does your wife shave her legs, pits, bikini line?

Think why

[Sweet Susan]

Welcome, Mr. Lesbian. Interesting name, I encourage you to try something fresh, something really, really new, like, say, Liz.................

That way we get rid of the Mr. thing, and you still have that Lez sound.

You know, your story is so much like all of us that I think I already know you.

[Carrah]

I feel like if my wife wanted to have sex as often as I did, and dress up in lingere and ****ty clothes all the time in the bedroom, than my desire to CD would go away.
This is an extraordinary concept, my friend; one I had not considered thus far. However, there does seem to be a relationship there!

My wife's sex drive dropped off to practically nothing about the time I decided to try dressing to a greater degree; something other than pantyhose and panties. And, with my girlfreind; during the first several years of our relationship she was extremely sexually active and wanted sex more often than I cared to have it, even waking up at times finding we were having sex. However, over the past couple of years her job has taken much of our time away from us and since then I have found I am back into crossdressing again to a greater degree than I ever have been. Prior to this period of job related stresses, I really had no crossdressing thoughts to speak of. Huh! Yeah, that's very interesting. At a glance there does indeed seem to be some relevance. Could it be our unconscious attempt at remaining monogomous? I mean, what would we be involved in if not for our crossdressing activities? One can only wonder...

[Mr Lesbian]

Carrah,

It's awesome to see that someone else feels the same way. I never was really smooth with the ladies unless I was already attached. I had soooo many girls that were friends, it was very frustrating. My wife says when she married me that she used to get looks from some of them as if to say, "I was saving him for after I was done sowing my oats."

I also feel I had somewhat of a feminine upbringing, I hated sports and now every other year I watch some football, but I've never been one of those men who cares to no all the stats, and keep track. The one thing that I disagree with in what I read is that most CDs are acutally "manly" men escaping the stress of being a man by pretending to be a woman. I disagree on two points. 1. Being a woman is not easy, ask any woman. and 2. I'm not a many man. Sure I'm strong, and I can fix cars and throw back beers with the guys. But I have feminine interests and I'm sensitive. Sometimes I get angry with my wife for not paying attention to my feelings and that's where I wish I could be a woman, because they pull that crap all the time.

Now that I think about it, I loved being one of the girls when I was in High school and college. I've always been attracted to them, but I also was always able to communicate with them so well, it's no wonder they bonded with me. I know there's a big difference b/w just being a CD and being transsexual. Hey, I like my penis, I pay attention to it the normal amount and I've never wanted to be rid of it. However, I really wouldn't mind being a real woman, so long as I could reverse the process.

And to answer Carrah about my wife being forced into a lesbian experience. She has been, a couple of times since we were married. It was a bad time, she was on prescribed anti-depressents and it made her a little uninhibited, it almost ruined our marriage, but as a result she confessed to being bi. She has always been cool like that, pointing out attractive women, and I've always been able to talk to her like a guy, when it comes to women. It's jsut sometimes I wish she was more of a woman, more like *clears throat* me. I wish she's be a little possesive sometimes, or maybe just need to feel praised or worshipped for the goddess she is. Usually though she seems fine without, and well, we all know about the diminshed sex drive of the working wife.

The really worst part about being a man is the sex drive. I hate it, and they don't really get it. They don't know what it's liek to be horny all the time. Most men will agree, even if they can't have sex again right afterwards, they're still turned on again almost minutes afterwards. I've tried to explain it to her. For us men it's like food or sleep. It's sometimes liek we're starving and there's food everywhere, but if you're commited, and not Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise, then you have to wait unitl the your diner is serving, which unfortunately is not three times a day.

Man this feels great to vent like this, I look foward to the feedback. Sometimes I wish I could be a woman because I think it would turn me on like nothing I've ever imagined, but deep down I also know, it would probably finally give me the release from this animal drive to impreganate all the attractive woman in the world buried in my brain since the days of the cave man.

Peace

[Mr Lesbian]

Oh and one other thing. What the hell is a Crossdressing Admirerer and where can I talk to one? I just think it would have to be the best thing in the world to be with a woman who wants you to dress just as much as I want her to.

[Joanna]

Crossdresser admirers tend to be male x x x x x x



Joanna

[letsdance GG]

Relax and enjoy our little home.
First off , I am a GG married to a wonderful CD'er.
Take your time with your wife and communicate as much as possible.

Sometimes it gets overwhelming and I am not able to express myself the way I would like to. I totally support the crossdressing but get un comfortable now and then. That's normal!

I am sure your wife has had similar thoughts and feelings in this regard and needs time to process certain ideas.

In a supportive relationship all have the opportunity to express feelings and understand why one may not like the same things. I am grateful that he has not pushed me anywhere I did not want to go unwillingly.

As you spend time here you will find plenty of support and wonderful ladies who have been where you are right now.

All I can offer is my side of things and hope that I am able to help both of you.