Why do you need a female name?

[Wickanne GG]

I have never really thought to question this before today and it was only brought on because I think I just saw the first CD on here using a male name. Maybe there are others, I just haven’t noticed.

If you are simply a CD, why do you name your femme persona? I can understand why TSs take a female name to complete the illusion or the transition but why would a heterosexual CD find a need to take on a female name?

Maybe it’s just me, but I have never found a need to name my male persona. I don’t identify as two separate people. I always use a female name. I don’t find a need to draw attention to myself as anyone but me. I am not “screaming” for acceptance of that side of me…I can move fluidly between both.

I have had this conversation with a few in PM, now I am wondering what others have to say.

[KandisTX]

The simple answer is "It completes the illusion". The more drawn out one is that we as CDs are emulating women in the best way we can, and in order to do that to the fullest extent, we create a female personna that takes over our psyche when we get dressed and take on that personna.

((These are my thoughts and mine alone and are not intended to reflect those of any other CD on this forum, please do not take it as such)).

Kandis:love:

P.S. I took on a femme name as I do go out in public and am a heterosexual male and to be quite honest, to be dressed and looking like I do when I go out en femme and being called by my male name, well, that would kind of defeat the purpose of "passing" now wouldn't it?

[Wickanne GG]

Fear not KandisTX, I take all posts as individual expression and not representative of the community as a whole.

Well, men with no hope of "passing" also take on female names.

[KandisTX]

Fear not KandisTX, I take all posts as individual expression and not representative of the community as a whole.

Well, men with no hope of "passing" also take on female names.

True, there are some that do take on femme names who cannot pass, but as I said, it helps US to complete the illusion we are trying to create, right now for instance, there is no possible way I would pass since I have a foo-man-choo type mustache that extends to about 6 inches below my chin and therefore passing is not a possibility. However when I get dressed up I still refer to myself as Kandis as it is an aid to the internal feeling of being feminine that I am attempting to achieve when I am dressed, not so much the external. ;) (Don't judge a book by its cover, after all The Bible is pretty plain on the outside, but what it says inside the covers is quite intense). ;)

Kandis:love:

[Deborah Jane]

Like Kandis says "It completes the illusion". Somehow it just feels right to me. If i ever decided to go out "dressed" [which i don,t] i wouldn,t want to use my male name while dressed and madeup as a woman, it wouldn,t feel right. By the same token if someone called me Debs while i was in drab that would feel wrong too.

[Wickanne GG]

...(Don't judge a book by its cover, after all The Bible is pretty plain on the outside, but what it says inside the covers is quite intense). ;)

Kandis:love:

Trust me, I've looked "between the covers". :D

[becky t]

i agree with Kandis , from my own personal point of view i am a different person when cd to what i am when in male mode, where i live and my upbringing doesnt allow for cds whatsoever, men have to be men, tough and strong etc etc, Becky isnt restrained to these misguided concepts, she is free to be a warm loving person somewhat softer than my male personality and much more loving, hard to explain but she needs her own name.

my own thoughts may be totally different to everyone else here but thats how i see it:hugs:

[Shelly Preston]

Well the choice not only completes the illusion

It does seem more appropirate

If you look at my avatar Thomas, Jeff, Gordon or Johnny does not quite fit the picture

For a lot of others it helps them feel like a girl

I hope this helps :hugs:

[Tina Dixon]

When I'm all dressed up like a woman I just don't feel like a name of Fred:D

[Wickanne GG]

Well the choice not only completes the illusion

It does seem more appropirate

If you look at my avatar Thomas, Jeff, Gordon or Johnny does not quite fit the picture

For a lot of others it helps them feel like a girl

I hope this helps :hugs:

But why doesn't it seem "appropriate"? I don't see anything wrong with a male dressed in female clothing using a male name...but that's just me. What catches females is when they see a female and hear a female name and then hear a male voice. :straightface:

[Kate Simmons]

Simply put, we don't, at least I don't. In fact I was working towards just being called Rich for a while. Mostly it's because my names all have meaning behind them and they reflect how I have evolved as a person. The current one I use here, Salandra, is really a title and covers me as both Rich and Arianna, which is my new "official" femme name. What's in a name? Depends who you are I guess and what it means to you.:happy:

[charlie-50]

I have never really thought to question this before today and it was only brought on because I think I just saw the first CD on here using a male name. Maybe there are others, I just haven’t noticed.

If you are simply a CD, why do you name your femme persona? I can understand why TSs take a female name to complete the illusion or the transition but why would a heterosexual CD find a need to take on a female name?

Maybe it’s just me, but I have never found a need to name my male persona. I don’t identify as two separate people. I always use a female name. I don’t find a need to draw attention to myself as anyone but me. I am not “screaming” for acceptance of that side of me…I can move fluidly between both.

I have had this conversation with a few in PM, now I am wondering what others have to say.

TO be honest Wickanne i just keped mine as Charlie for shear simplicity value and plus ive heard used both ways (male and female)also when i do come "out " ill be with my girls so i wont be introducing myself to any one out side the group unless its another cder....:hugs:

[Shelly Preston]

But why doesn't it seem "appropriate"? I don't see anything wrong with a male dressed in female clothing using a male name...but that's just me. What catches females is when they see a female and hear a female name and then hear a male voice. :straightface:

I never said there was anything wrong with having a male name and being dressed

Society just does not expect female dress and a male name (be that right or wrong)

I guess a lot depends on a cd's interaction with people before the voice becomes an issue

[Jilmac]

:2c: Wickanne, I can only speak for myself. I love to dress and I would never "pass" because I have a full beard. However I took on a femme name because when I'm dressed I don't want to be "Bill in a dress". When I become Jill I'm in a whole different mindset. There are, as you know, names that can be either male or female, I feminized Bill into Billie many years ago but dropped it because of a personal issue.

Unlike men in dresses, society has accepted GG's who wear masculine clothes, and there are many male fashions that look very good on women. I think for that reason, GG's don't feel compelled to take on a male name. I don't know if you are in a masculine mindset when you wear mens clothes, but even if you keep your feminine name, I duobt that you see yourself as "Wikcanne in pants". Luv and :hugs: Jill

[charllote34]

Use my fem name because it feels right i mean do i look like a Brad!

[Wickanne GG]

I never said there was anything wrong with having a male name and being dressed

Society just does not expect female dress and a male name (be that right or wrong)

I guess a lot depends on a cd's interaction with people before the voice becomes an issue

Oops, sorry I read that sentence wrong.

Your choice Shelly :spank: or :slap:

[Brianna Lovely]

I don’t identify as two separate people. I always use a female name. I don’t find a need to draw attention to myself as anyone but me. I am not “screaming” for acceptance of that side of me…I can move fluidly between both.


Although I'm a MTF CD, I also consider myself a TG person. Someone who is fully aware of and has fully accepted both their feminine and masuline traits.

I personaly started using a fem name, because people who knew me as "Bob" in my male persona, started clling me Barbara in my "mixed" persona, and that didn't "feel" right. I feel like Brianna, so that's who I am, every day.

Personal opinion, most MTF CDers can't "move fluidly between both", and since they've been taught and trained to hide any emotions or feeling, most of their life's, they may feel a need, to name this new "feeling and emotional" persona.

[Stormgirl]

Good question, I really don't know why. I sometimes get bothered when people call me Jenny(except on here). I am used to being called by my last name,Sir, or Captain.

[Melinda G]

Melinda G goes better with nylons, high heels, and short dresses, than Ralph or Fred! :D

You wouldn't put mustard on ice cream, or chocolate on a hot dog, or would you?

[Dee Jay]

My "name" is simply my initials. Another forum I signed up to insists that you use a real name so I used Dee Jay to get around the rules as they wouldn't allow DJ. When signing up to this group I figured that the same rules applied so I stuck with Dee Jay as I didn't want the hassle of waiting for rejection e-mails.
I now know that this group is less fussy with user names :)

I don't want to use my real name so I sign my posts as DJ

If others want to give themselves a name then that's OK. it's not for me. My wife is also pretty insistant that I never give my girly side a name... I'm more than happy to oblige :)

DJ

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

The simple answer is "It completes the illusion".

This post sums up my thoughts on this exactly!

[Wickanne GG]

...Personal opinion, most MTF CDers can't "move fluidly between both", and since they've been taught and trained to hide any emotions or feeling, most of their life's, they may feel a need, to name this new "feeling and emotional" persona.

Good point :thumbsup:

Once one becomes accustomed to the "feeling and emotional" the name simply sticks? Or it really is an indentity "label"?

[StacyCD]

While there are certainly some names which are almost either totally masculine or feminine, there are a lot of names that go either way. Carrol (think Carrol Dale the receiver for the 60s Packers), Stacy (think Stacy Keach the actor), Bobbie (short for Roberta or Robert), or Jackie (short for Jack or Jacquiline). In other words, you can't tell gender from some names! When I'm dressed I also want to assist the illusion of presenting as a female by using a feminine name. But wait, I use Stacy for my feminine side and that name belongs to, well a male actor, so I guess I'm confused.

[Nicolette01]

This is just my 2 cents, from a new member and I still do not fully cross dress. I have been considering taking on a name to indentify my femme side when dressing. It just doesn't seem right to use my male name when I put on high heels and pantyhose.

[Wickanne GG]

...In other words, you can't tell gender from some names! When I'm dressed I also want to assist the illusion of presenting as a female by using a feminine name. But wait, I use Stacy for my feminine side and that name belongs to, well a male actor, so I guess I'm confused.

I agree. So why is there not more use of Stacey, Carrol, and such names? Many "heterosexual" MTF CD are using traditionally "female" names.

[Lisa Golightly]

Most TS's don't start off as I think therefore I'm TS... So in the early days I'd say the adoption of the femme name made you closer to femme than any item of clothing ever could.

[charllote34]

Most TS's don't start off as I think therefore I'm TS... So in the early days I'd say the adoption of the femme name made you closer to femme than any item of clothing ever could.

I have to agree , when i was first called charllote by a friend it felt so good xx

[JoAnnDallas]

Using my male name while I am in public dress would be a dead give away.

[Stacye Rose]

I started out using my girl name simply so my wife and I could refer to my CDing in public or in front of her kids without raising unwanted questions. It was much easier to hold up a skirt in a store and say "Do you think this would fit Stacye?" than to ask if she thought it would fit me. It also got around having to explain something that at that time was strickly part of our sexlife to her 14 year old daughter.

Years pass, marriage ends 14 year old (former)step-daughter now in her 20s learns about my CDing, asks me what I call myself when I'm dressed.

More years pass, more relationships (intimate and platonic) come and go. I now have a substansial number of friends who know about my CDing.
Newly single, I begin to dress more frequently. I poll my friends to see if it's OK. EVERY ONE of them responds something to the tune of: "Stacye is an important part of who you are. In some ways she makes you more than just your male self. please be comfortable with your dressing and don't take this part of our friendship away"

There you go Wickanne, three decades, three different answers.
So I guess my answer would be;
1) it's a handy label.
2) My girl name separated my Cding from my mundane life, in conversations, relationships, and friendships.
3) Stacye has become a gestalt. She includes my dreams, ideals, and wishes. she has become in some ways (in the minds of others who know me) more than just the guy all these people know.

[EDNA]

My mother gave me my Female name. Because Grils. Do not have names as
Tom, Dick or Harry.

[Nicki B]

Maybe it’s just me, but I have never found a need to name my male persona. I don’t identify as two separate people. I always use a female name. I don’t find a need to draw attention to myself as anyone but me. I am not “screaming” for acceptance of that side of me…I can move fluidly between both.

Personally, I feel the same person, however I look - but other people see me and treat me very differently in the two modes, so it was just easier to use two versions?

Actually the two 'faces' have slid further apart, initially I was 'Nicky' which fits either sex? Lots of us choose names which are unisex, or blurred?

[Mary Morgan]

:2c:For me it isn't just about dressing, and I'm not sure that anyone "is simply a CD". Nothing really simple about it. Anyway, whether in this forum, or chatting in Messenger, or meeting face to face, I just don't think Bubba works for me.

[ElaineB]

I didn't HAVE a female name until I started here. Since I have to choose some username why not pick a female one?

[Ruth]

Names are important. When I started in therapy to explore my CDing, my therapist suggested I try to find out what my feminine side was called. She thought that it was sufficiently distinct an entity to have a name.
And I found out the name, in a way I have already related on this forum. I didn't "make it up".
And naming Ruth has helped to clarify her capabilities and her boundaries. I can "be" Ruth when I am dressed, and also, by focusing on Ruth as a sub-personality, I can think more clearly about the feminine side of me when I am not dressed, and "being" my male persona (as in: "what would Ruth do in this situation?").
It may seem odd to you, but it works for me.
Love,
Ruth

[vivianann]

I relate more as a woman, so Vivian fits my persona well, and that name was given to me by a woman who saw me more as a girl even though I never dressed in front of her in the beginning, I wanted a relationship with her but she did not because I was too efeminate, but she wanted me to hang out with her as one of her girlfriends, she and her friends helped me to accept my femme side.

[Brianna Lovely]

Once one becomes accustomed to the "feeling and emotional" the name simply sticks? Or it really is an indentity "label"?

Well, honey, when out and about, itt's better to have a name that you like, instead of "Hey You". Although "Yo" may be popular in some cultures, I prefer a "normal" fem name.

I can't speak for other gurls, but Brianna just seems natural to me. Of course, I suppose I lean more towards the TS side of the CD rainbow so I'm very comfortable with using my fem name all the time.

[sandra-leigh]

If you are simply a CD, why do you name your femme persona?

It's a protective pseudonym. A simple search engine lookup of my male name together with my city would find my full name in the first handful of results. I am well-known in some circles and I don't need connections made between the two me's.

[Julie York]

Two kids playing at being aliens.....


KID1 "STOP! I am Emeror Slart Blart! Lay down your weapons!"

KID2: "No I will not. "

KIDS1: "Pray tell me. Who is this alien warrior I, Emperor Slart Blart, face to the death?"

KID2: "I am the one they call............John!"


Doesn't work does it?

[Rachel Morley]

For a lot of CDers it is about completing the illusion and I do agree with that. Also I think a lot of CDers compartmentalize their CDing (they're all man when they're in boy mode) and so when they dress they want to be known as someone who is far removed from their male self as possible (so to speak).

I personally have never thought of myself as becoming a different person when I'm dressed. My wife and I have always said that "there's no third person in our marriage" and as such she used to call me her "Angel" as a term or endearment before we got married whether I was dressed or not. Then Angel became my nickname in our everyday lives, which then went on to became my internet screen name. However, now because I go out in public, and typically only socialize in girl mode, plus I help organize a TG support group called the River City Gems (http://www.rivercitygems.org/) here in Sacramento my wife decided I should change my name to something less "cutesy" for real life situations when presenting as a woman. If you look at my post signature you'll see a link explaining why it was changed in more detail.

Anyway, nowadays everyone calls me Rachel. My wife always refers to me as Rachel ...sometimes, even when I'm in boy mode :eek:

[Ruth]

I view of what Rachel said I think it's worth taking another shot at this.
In no way do I imagine I become a different person when CDing. What is happening is that I am displaying a facet of myself that is usually hidden. It's sufficiently distinct to have a name, but only in the same way as I am known as X to colleagues at work, and "Dad" to my children.
Just as being called "dad" helps focus my mind on my role as a parent, being called Ruth focuses my mind on the feminine aspect of my greater self.

[Reana]

The reason for my femme name? My total CDing grew out of a footwear fetish. The femme dressing came about as a means to be dressed consistent with the femme footwear. Why would I not attach a femme name to the "finished product"? Look at my profile and ask yourself if a male name is appropriate to those pictures or my Flickr profile.

http://www.flickr.com/people/32963467@N00/

[Michelle37]

i think this is a trick question and all of you are falling for it. she said simply cds. none of you are ifyou shave your arms and wera makeup. i am not a simple cd, i am ts so i have a female name. i think she is trying to find out who is ts. i dont think theres very many men on this site that just dress in ladys stuff without trying to imitate femalse or be like a real female. stop trying to kid yourself. none of my simple cd friends have female names the idea of that makes them angry.

[Nicole Erin]

i think this is a trick question and all of you are falling for it. she said simply cds. none of you are ifyou shave your arms and wera makeup. i am not a simple cd, i am ts so i have a female name. i think she is trying to find out who is ts. i dont think theres very many men on this site that just dress in ladys stuff without trying to imitate femalse or be like a real female. stop trying to kid yourself. none of my simple cd friends have female names the idea of that makes them angry.

yeah what she said...

No but for real - If a CD dresses all the way, I mean makeup to heels and every between, a male name just does NOT fit.

If I were TS I don't know if I would use Erin cause in pronunciation, it is truely androgynous. I like it as a female name better.

But come on, a guy who is really femme looking all dolled up is not going to say "Yeah my name is Jonathan Edward".

[sandra-leigh]

i think this is a trick question and all of you are falling for it. she said simply cds.[...] i think she is trying to find out who is ts.

Your response draws a boundary between CD and TS in a particular place that I don't think all that many people would agree with. It isn't even clear that CD and TS are different things.

The originator of this topic has been on this forum for a fair while now, and has posted on many subjects, and although at times she has felt hurt, betrayed, or confused, I have not known her to play "mind games" with the denizens of the forum.

I would suggest that your particular definition of CD vs TS arises out of your emotional need to make a strong distinction between what you do and what you have observed others doing. "I'm OK, I have everything under control, it's just a pass-time for me, it's not like I save my arms or put on lipstick, like trannies do! No, no, That Would Be Bad, I would have really crossed the line if I did that!"

[Michelle37]

no i didnt mean it in a bad way. i dont know her so i cant say anything about her.
who are you talking about when you sat, i am ok, i have evrything under control?

[docrobbysherry]

i think this is a trick question and all of you are falling for it. she said simply cds. none of you are ifyou shave your arms and wera makeup. i am not a simple cd, i am ts so i have a female name. i think she is trying to find out who is ts. i dont think theres very many men on this site that just dress in ladys stuff without trying to imitate femalse or be like a real female. stop trying to kid yourself. none of my simple cd friends have female names the idea of that makes them angry.

I guess I can answer the question then. I'm a " simple CD".


yeah what she said...

No but for real - If a CD dresses all the way, I mean makeup to heels and every between, a male name just does NOT fit.

If I were TS I don't know if I would use Erin cause in pronunciation, it is truely androgynous. I like it as a female name better.

But come on, a guy who is really femme looking all dolled up is not going to say "Yeah my name is Jonathan Edward".


Let me add the this, and what others have said;
I am always the same person whether I am dressed or not.
However, here is why and when, "Sherry" came into being:

WHEN I LOOKED IN THE MIRROR, AND I DIDN'T SEE ANY SIGN OF ROBERT. I ONLY SAW AN ATTRACTIVE YOUNG WOMAN. I CAN'T USE THE NAME "ROBERT" TO DESCRIBE HER.
RS

[Michelle37]

how do you quote just a little of a comment?

you cant call her robert why because of what people say is female and male? dont you think that goes against what you are when you dress?

[sandra-leigh]

how do you quote just a little of a comment?

Quote everything and then edit out the parts you don't want.

[TxKimberly]

I have never really thought to question this before today and it was only brought on because I think I just saw the first CD on here using a male name. Maybe there are others, I just haven’t noticed.

If you are simply a CD, why do you name your femme persona? I can understand why TSs take a female name to complete the illusion or the transition but why would a heterosexual CD find a need to take on a female name?

Maybe it’s just me, but I have never found a need to name my male persona. I don’t identify as two separate people. I always use a female name. I don’t find a need to draw attention to myself as anyone but me. I am not “screaming” for acceptance of that side of me…I can move fluidly between both.

I have had this conversation with a few in PM, now I am wondering what others have to say.

I DID hessitate when someone first suggested the idea to me, but you know what? When your dressed like a female, doing your damndest to pass as a female, being called Matt, Tom, Dick, or Harry, just aint gonna cut it. :-)

[Claire3]

When im outside of work and dressed,im Claire.Its as simple as that.

[Michelle37]

edit out the parts you don't want.

thanks

[ashlee chiffon]

For some, a feminine name makes us the "gurls" that we are! *in our minds, at least!*
and It completes the picture for a lot of us!
Emotionally, It is Very important and commits us to this part or our lives in a more dedicated manner!
When we take a girls' name, for some,we tell the world that we have accepted this feminine side and that is who we are and who we want to be when dressed!
In many cases, its the name we prefer to be, rather then the name we were given at birth...the person we prefer to be...rather then the that was born with a male name ...perhaps representing the person we actually are!

and,
for others, its just plain Fun to have a girls' name!

[Dalece]

For me my real name can go either way, I just added the ce on the end to give my name a more femine touch and for me it works

[Jennifer Brooks]

Because when I'm Jennifer, I'm hot! Plain and simple! Jennifer looks better than the drab guy I am.

[suchacutie]

the first time my wife saw me dressed (and it was the first time), the first thing she said was that my female self needed a name. It was clear to both of us (all three of us?) that Tina is a new personality, and should in no way be forcably linked to the male anything, including the male name. She and I talk about Tina very much in the framework a new person as, "Tina would have said/done this or that".

Being CD is not just being dressed. Tina is working hard to have a female attitude and female responses to situations, and a female voice. She deserves a separate identity, and that includes a name.

It was obvious from the first moment!

Tina

[Annie D]

I think of myself as Annie when I am dressed enfemme and many times when I am in drab but my wife calls me by my male name all the time. Is this a reflection of her not accepting my crossdressing? Nonetheless, my name Annie completes my illusion of being feminine.

[Khriss]

.. My Name as "Gender" non specific ?
an older sage told Me about such things
So If You see me on the street ... Holler "Criss" -Chris -or better yet ..

""Khriss"" which is My Name .. oh Well then ? Just Ask'in ... "KHRISS" :eek::D truthfully....

[crusadergirl]

I have also wondered why i had to have a female name b/c i didn't have one to a joined this sit. I don't like my male name so theres no way i would use that. Many are right though your real name mite not fit your female image.
I think Kirra is a good name for me, i just thought it fit better then my male name.

[Dena]

I'm the the same guy regardless of my clothing. I feminized
my name as a way to embrace my feminine side.

There's something appealing about being referred to with feminine pro nouns (she,her...) as well.

[kimmy p]

My femmy name of Kim came about out of practicality. I still dress privately, and when shopping with my wife we will mention that Kim would like this or that. Or that Kim needs new panties. Simple and practical. Other than that Kim is a bit closer to who I am than I show publicly.

[Sally24]

If you are simply a CD, why do you name your femme persona? I can understand why TSs take a female name to complete the illusion or the transition but why would a heterosexual CD find a need to take on a female name?
You are associating needing to be fully female with a TS. Just because one is heterosexual, and a CD, does not mean that they don't need to feel fully female too. That is the gender part, which is quite seperate from the sexual part. It is also a practical thing. When out in public, it is a little awkward to have an attractive woman called "Frank" by her mates.

[Priscilla Ann]

WickAnne, I use a feminine name for the same reason I use lipstick, other makeup...a wig..and a dress...it's all part of the illusion.

[Joann0830]

I took it my name Joann and the simple answer is "It completes the ensemble". I look at myself as Joann the person inside of me since I was born and if I were born a female it would have been a name for a girl who I am inside. The name signifys masculine or feminine so I dress as Joann and use the Name. Simple as that for me. It is also great because the short name of Joann is Jo which is the same as my real name Joe. Easy Joann0830:heehee::love:

[Carly D.]

I never thought or think of myself as Carly before being on the internet... the name is a means to an end, as it were, in that I wanted some privacy from the potential of someone I know accidentally stumbling on this or any other site with my name or picture on it.. strangely enough I just can't see any of my family doing so except for one.. my brothers oldest daughter, being of a top flight religion, and very religious, but also being just a little bit quirky (as most religious people are) she might happen across a site like this or a fetish site of some other sort.. I'm not sure what she would do if she found out about me.. forgive my "sin" of cross dressing? and while I'm completely off topic still I wonder many times when I'm dressed up and the Jahova witness sect comes to the door what they might say if I were to ever get brave enough to answer the door in my Carly fare??

[Jennifer_G]

Why not?
It's not as if it costs anything and it makes me feel better about being CD/TV than if I use my male name.
If I think of myself as John (not my real male name) when dressed then I feel I'm just a bloke in a dress.
To be Jennifer is an escape of all the things I don't like about myself being male.

Go on choose a female name it's fun:o

[Raychel]

I don't really need a fem name. Just something fun to do. A good way for my friends here to associate with me. And another way to maintain the secrecy that is sometimes need to go along with this side of me. I wish that the secrecy wasn't needed, but the real world is out there, and sometimes you just need that extra layer of anonymity.
:2c:
Raychel

[Stacye Rose]

I put a great deal of time and effort into this question earlier.
Now that I've slept on it a much simpler answer comes to mind.

Why do i need a female name?

I don't. But I wanted one, so I got one.

[michellebesweet]

Hello,
Just want to ask you a question first, "Is Wickanne your real name?" I just never heard of a girl as "Wickanne" before. If it is, I see your point. If not, why you choose a different name to use here? It is a screen name for you, you use it for the purposes it is needed for. Same with a female name, people have different purposes and reasons for why they do that.

I have choosen "Michelle", because it is opposite of "Michael" which is my real name, and most CDers do that. I look at myself as being two different people and should be referred to as "Michael" when I am in my male mode, and "Michelle" when I am in my female mode. I would feel kind of strange if people start calling me "Michelle" at the office, or "Michael" when I am out and about wearing my femme clothes. I want to be, and feel "Michelle". Some here have said "It completes the illusion", sorry I don't agree with that. I don't see it as an illusion, I see it as reality. I am "Michelle" when I have makeup on, wearing hose, and heels, and I want to be referred to as such because of that.

Simply put, Micheal is Micheal, and Michelle is Michelle. We may use the same body, but I see them as two different people.

[Lindahexi]

I need to have a female name because when dressed I am female as far as my own mind is concerned. I do not want to look and act female and have a male name, and anyway, why does it bother you? We each do our own thing.

[michellebesweet]

I need to have a female name because when dressed I am female as far as my own mind is concerned. I do not want to look and act female and have a male name, and anyway, why does it bother you? We each do our own thing.

Well said Linda,

[Jocelyn Quivers]

As others have said it completes the "illusion". When I become en-femme everything including mannerisms change, and Jocelyn is such a prettier name than Jason. Jocelyn

[KimberlyS]

Great question. I personally did not even think of taking on a femme name until I had found an online forum. I personally could not relate to all of these guys with male names as to me they were still guys. At least the CDers and at that time I was quickly learning the TG continuum. At this same time a couple of others were new to the site and were posting using a male name. And they were chastised for using a male name. I did not see a problem with using a male name but took one on as to not have to deal with that.

I since has really come to realize I am just a guy who likes to wear feminine clothes at times. And I now sign my post with my femme name and joe in a skirt. I have struggled for over a year now just changing to a male name since I have been on line since early 2000's and have many that know me by my femme name.

Guys using femme names is also a huge issue with my wife and she always calls me by my femme name even when out enfemme.

You can call me either KimberlyS-CD or joe in a skirt. I will answer to either and many other things. Just do not call me late for a meal. But I also think Butterfly Bill has a great look and know many CDers despise it.

[Wickanne GG]

Thank you all for your response(s). This is all leading up to another thread and it should be interesting to see what I learn from the next thread.


… I don't know if you are in a masculine mindset when you wear mens clothes, but even if you keep your feminine name, I duobt that you see yourself as "Wikcanne in pants".

I see myself as me in pants or a skirt. I will let you in on a little secret, when my emotions are challenged, with something I am not ready to deal with, the first thing I tend to do is wrap myself in the security of track pants/army pants and a sweatshirt. The “stereotypical male” mode of shutting down, becoming stoic and pragmatic, until I can grasp and deal with it on an emotional level. Unfortunately, I have spent much of this year dressed that way…not much feminine going on lately.


… you cant call her robert why because of what people say is female and male? dont you think that goes against what you are when you dress?

It’s a good thing I continued reading the posts…I may have made a fool of myself based on your first post to this thread. You do bring up a good point though. If one sees/feels society rejects one’s femme side and you are fighting for your rights as a CD (I am not referring to the spectrum of those who feel they are in the wrong body) then is one not actually conforming to what society accepts as “typically” female by adopting a female name? Just a thought….and another thread topic?



… Just want to ask you a question first, "Is Wickanne your real name?" I just never heard of a girl as "Wickanne" before. If it is, I see your point. If not, why you choose a different name to use here? It is a screen name for you, you use it for the purposes it is needed for. Same with a female name, people have different purposes and reasons for why they do that.

My screen name evolved for two reasons…1) Privacy issues…let’s face it, not everyone on the Internet is playing with a full deck. 2) It’s a tribute…my best friend, whom I loved dearly, passed away on Boxing Day ‘91. The second half of her first name is “anne”, the second half of her last name is “wick”. She is always with me.


… and anyway, why does it bother you? We each do our own thing.

You are making an assumption? You may be best served if you came right out and asked me if it bothers me instead of assuming it bothers me…since as you put it, “We each do our own thing.”


… At this same time a couple of others were new to the site and were posting using a male name. And they were chastised for using a male name. I did not see a problem with using a male name but took one on as to not have to deal with that.

Your post was quite interesting but what I found particularly interesting was the part that I quoted. Do you feel you conformed to the pressures of the group to fit in?

Oh no, I feel the pot stirring…down devil’s advocate…down…oops, here it comes…Honestly, does that not go against what it is to be “different”. As a group who are different from the “norm” and wanting society to accept that difference…does “chastising” someone for being different, for wanting to maintain the male name, seem counterproductive. Is the group not trying to impose their “concept” of what it is to be feminine, whilst trying to lift those same restrictions from society? Who, in all their wisdom or lack of, decided “Bob” is a male name and “Deb” is a female name? I am guessing the same people who decided a penis makes you masculine and a vagina makes you feminine. Why cann’t “Robert” be a female name?

[sterling12]

For me it's because Joanie has her own identity. It's separate from John's persona and yet we are somewhat "blended."

And, when I'm en femme and out in public it would just seem strange to people if I went by my male name. Some of us are now working toward tolerance and if people ask us we try and explain about "The Feminine Persona." Having a femme name when you introduce yourself seems to help. I think going by a guy's name when I'm dressed would seem to be very strange to others, especially people who were uninformed and trying to understand.

By the way, Transmen do about the same. They usually have a guy name!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Genifer Teal]

It is also a practical thing. When out in public, it is a little awkward to have an attractive woman called "Frank" by her mates.

We can not actually "see" a name. However calling us by a femme name makes it a highl visible part of our femme presentation.

PLEASE NOTE: This post does not come close to expressing my full thoughts on this topic. I took a great deal of time to write a legnthy and insightful response. Unfortunately, in doing so and taking too much time, this sytem logged me off. In attempting to log back in and complete my post, all was lost. This is but a mere morsel of what I had to say.

I put a great deal of time and effort into my replies. When they get lost, the reality of how much time I waste here is thrust into my face. This message board and it's many idosynchrsies will ultimately be my downfall and the reason I may give up posting here.

This may seem off topic but it is not. It has everything to do with what I tried to say on this thread.

Happy New Year!

Hugs - Genifer

[Michellebej]

I agree with the whole "persona" thingee. My personality is 180 out from 'his".

On the flip side, I'm of Russian descent. And; when I was born I was named after my Grandfather. Well, the name "Michael" in this country is pronounced more like "Michelle" in the old country.

When it came time to put my name on the birth certificate, Mom was out of it and Grandma told the registrar that my name was "Meechelle" which the registrar wrote as Michelle.

My Parents, bless, them thought it was so funny that they named my sister with a boys name ( thankfully one of those "one name fits both genders"; name).

Anyway, when I enlisted in the Army a pretty understanding Recruiter "accidently" changed my name to "Michael" on my records. The only time it came up was when I got a security clearance; and all involved thought it a good Idea to continue with my aka.

But no way, no how would I ever consider using Michael as my fem name. To be honest my family and all my oldest friends call me Michelle. Though most tend to really stress the "ME" chelle. And; if you don't think being introduced at your nephews wedding as "uncle Michelle" is a hoot. well you aint living!

[Carin]

Originally I choose a femme sounding name (origin is complicated and TMI) to differentiate a female persona from a male persona. I associated my male name with my male persona and needed to break away from that. Also for on-line identity protection. Time passed and I began to recognize my persona as neither all male nor all female but is in fact a single TG persona.

Having a femme name feels awkward to me now because it suggests that I am someone else when I "dress up" (as opposed to dressing down) but I am not. Carin has stuck in a few places, including here, and I will leave it that way for the moment. However, when I am out by myself "dressed up" I use Pat which is my male name and can be male of female, therefore not adding too much to the confusion of what I am in the public eye. I feel truer to myself. There is no "Book of Transgendered Names" published yet.:heehee:



Good point :thumbsup:

Once one becomes accustomed to the "feeling and emotional" the name simply sticks? Or it really is an identity "label"?

[Butterfly Bill]

I always remain the same person whatever mode of clothes I have on. It's just that some modes feel more comfortable. I use my male name at all times, and I have no desire to assume a different persona. And this forum especially gives me the feeling of being in a minority.

I think a great deal of the acceptance that get when I am out and about is from being honest about it and not trying to fool them or myself about what I am.

[Rene]

Very good question, and one I have thought about offten. When I attened my very first support group, I went using my given male name and was told I could not do that, I had to have a feminine name. In fact they were rather insistant on that fact. I was young and wanted to fit in so I just picked a name. It never really fit, and I never really like it because I felt I was the same person however I dressed. But, now many years later and coming to the understanding that I am not a CD, but rather transgendered and maybe even TS, taking on a feminine name feels more real. But I also chose a name that could be both male and female to reflect both sides of who I am.

[NYsong]

I have a different name because, simply, I am entirely different person when en femme. As a guy I am small, skinny, and not very strong. Usually, there isn't much boosting my self image and it can be hard sometimes.

Once I am Lila, I have a great shape and wear size 2 jeans. Any girl that knows is jealous/envious. That makes me feel great all the time.

To be honest, I wish I could only use one name. And while I am not constrained entirely by society in this respect when I go out, I would really just rather not put up with the 'queer' comments. Plus, the separate name works well when you need a code word, for example: If I am in a room full of people that don't know about Lila, and my friend calls who does, I can simply say, "We really need to take Lila out shopping sometime soon" as opposed to, "I need to go shopping for feminine clothes" or something like that.

*sigh* now that I think about it, I cant really explain the separate name that well. I just feel like it works a lot better, that it accurately describes how I feel when dressed.

/ramble

[Tamara Croft]

Well I use a female name, obviously because I am female :p however, I don't use my 'real' female name on the forum. Why? because I am a different person on here, my real name is private and it keeps my private life a bit safer.

[KimberlyS]

.....Your post was quite interesting but what I found particularly interesting was the part that I quoted. Do you feel you conformed to the pressures of the group to fit in?

Wickanne, yes I very much feel like I conformed due to the pressures of the group when I first took a femme name to register on a forum. And I still feel and see that pressure today in all of the forums I am members of. Though on two of the forums one of which is this one, the pressure is an indirect one to conform and not the direct attacks. I often get the feel from some posts that only "real" crossdressers are heterosexual, take on a femme name, dress fully in femme clothes as much as possible, go out in public, try to pass, look and act as girly as possible. But I usually see just one attribute that is pushed in a post. Or maybe it is just me within my mentally unstable mind. Hummm, now what medicine did the doctors tell me I always needed to take everyday.


.....Oh no, I feel the pot stirring…down devil’s advocate…down…oops, here it comes…Honestly, does that not go against what it is to be “different”. As a group who are different from the “norm” and wanting society to accept that difference…does “chastising” someone for being different, for wanting to maintain the male name, seem counterproductive. Is the group not trying to impose their “concept” of what it is to be feminine, whilst trying to lift those same restrictions from society?

Stir away at the pot. I seem to often. I also agree there seem to be quite a few within the TG community that only seen to accept those like their self or a select subset. Most within the TG community are fairly accepting. But I am often surprised at those that are not. Or not accepting of one part of the TG community. I would think a group screaming for acceptance would be more open minded and accepting of others. But the TG community does seem to have those with narrow unaccepting minds just like those they are screaming about they want acceptance from.

[Scotty]

If you are simply a CD, why do you name your femme persona? I can understand why TSs take a female name to complete the illusion or the transition but why would a heterosexual CD find a need to take on a female name?

Maybe it’s just me, but I have never found a need to name my male persona. I don’t identify as two separate people. I always use a female name. I don’t find a need to draw attention to myself as anyone but me. I am not “screaming” for acceptance of that side of me…I can move fluidly between both.

I have had this conversation with a few in PM, now I am wondering what others have to say.


Scottie is my name :)

[daviolin]

It makes me feel pretty:love:Daviolin

[Erica Lauren James]

Good question, I've never given it any thought before. As for why? I suppose that if I'm presenting as a female then I should use a female name.

Also it gives my kids (12 & 10 ) something to call me if were around others rather than Dad. As well they like my name.

Anyway nice to see someone else from Brantford Ont.

Erica

[Wendy me]

why?? because my fem name is who my fem side is truth be told i feel more like my fem name Wendy than my "HIM" name.... so it's more so edifying my fem side which more so spills over into my "HIM" side sometimes more so that i relay want it to......but it could be the other way ... so that's a good thingy..........

[Julogden]

I dress for gender identity reasons, and I identify with a feminine personality more than a masculine one, so I feel more comfortable using a feminine name when presenting as a woman or when communicating with like-minded people. It completes the image I'm creating, IMO.

Carol

[Wickanne GG]

...I also agree there seem to be quite a few within the TG community that only seen to accept those like their self or a select subset. Most within the TG community are fairly accepting. But I am often surprised at those that are not. Or not accepting of one part of the TG community. I would think a group screaming for acceptance would be more open minded and accepting of others. But the TG community does seem to have those with narrow unaccepting minds just like those they are screaming about they want acceptance from.

I don't know what you do about that. I wouldn't think that, once here, that comforming would be such an issue...eyes are open now. It's very important that one stays true to themselves in any way one can :hugs:


Anyway nice to see someone else from Brantford Ont.

:rolleyes: You have a short memory. I chatted to you about 8 months ago on a dating site...after awhile you just disappeared. :hugs:

[Erica Lauren James]

Which site was it on? I had one on POF in which the administrator/owner just decided to delete my profile.

If you don't mind PM me and refresh my memory.

Thanks
Erica

[Missy]

Ok I really do not have a fem name my real name is Ed or Eddie or edward
a go worker name me missy during a managers meeting so I liked it

[Pamela Julie]

I need to answer to a femme name as a female, and a male name when I am a guy. I feel weird any other way.

[Wickanne GG]

Because of the “gender spectrum” I can see a division in camps on here. Some will debate the “two persona” identity and others will debate the “single persona” identity with both sides feeling their answer is the correct one. I am learning that those who enjoy just wearing pantyhose while reading the sports page are far removed from those who enjoy the whole aspect of shaving, wearing the clothing, wigs, breast, nails, and heels, but they are also far removed from those who are still searching the spectrum beyond the second group and are not yet “settled” with where they will end up and all three groups are far removed from TS.

There seems to be some correlation between where one is and how important a female name is. (hence the "part two" of this thread)

It still boggles my mind that some felt pressured into using a female name by the very people who are fighting against societal restrictions. If he is the type to relax in pantyhose while reading the sports page (and yes, he is still a crossdresser by definition) and feels no need for a female name then why would the group, as a whole, feel the need to cause someone else to conform to their way. :strugglin Why a male alias is not well received is beyond me.

Live and let live comes to mind here.

BTW: I just adore the "Butterfly Bill" name :-)

[Nadia-Maria]

Why a male alias is not well received is beyond me.


I am very happy here with all of us, girls, whether TGs or GGs.
But I would feel it very "shocking... !!" that any male would come in and stay around us spying all of our feminine gossip !! :-))

Luvya

Nadia

[Joanna-Louise]

Kim85 and I spoke whilst on a shopping trip as she kept finding clothes she thought id like.

Instead of shouting out my male name then holding up a skirt or jeans for a girl in a way that was meant for me too look at for me, she uses my name to say would Joanna like/want these...

Other than that we dont usually use my female name whilst at home...

Hope this helps

Joanna
xx

[RobertaFermina]

Answer: in my first appearance in a talent show, i was styled "Robertita", ......it stuck. I like it, and how I feel when I use it.

Observation: It would be pretty damn scary to use Bob when I cross dress. It goes more directly to my identity.....as Roberta, I don't have to fully own all that she is....she can go back into the box. As Bob, this is me.....ooohhhh! I imagine it would be a bit wierd for friends to address me as Bob.

Folks who know my name is Bob still ask me my "Name" when I am dressed without being prompted to do so......Hmmmmm.


:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Fab Karen]

I am not two different people, I am one person with some differences for the given mode, just as for example a businessman at work is different from the same man at home with his family.
As for conformity, I'm not gonna bend to peer pressure & get married- "I don't believe in pre-marital sex...cause I'm not getting married":D

[KimberlyS]

...It still boggles my mind that some felt pressured into using a female name by the very people who are fighting against societal restrictions...... Why a male alias is not well received is beyond me.

Wickanne, IMHO, even though we are fighting against the Male or Female classifications, they are still ingrained within most of us. IMHO that is why many CDers have this "passing" need as they have it set in their mind they can not be in the middle. It is Male or Female, not both.

I have and still am seriously thinking of switching to a male alias. But interestingly even that has brought about resistance and questioning from many. Many switch the alias they are using from one femme name to another femme name with no resistance and little questioning. But talk of me switching to a male one and people try to talk me into keeping my femme one and question it highly.

joe in a skirt
kimberlys-cd

[Wickanne GG]

I haven’t been ignoring this thread. I have been sitting back and reading your responses…all valid, all appreciated and interesting. I am now going to ask the same questions in the FTM section because one of the things I like about this site is the diversity of answers…positive, negative, ambivalent …it’s all good.


Melinda G...You wouldn't put mustard on ice cream, or chocolate on a hot dog, or would you?

I might just to say I have tried it. Many thanks to the person who decided to try “peanut butter and chocolate” together.


Nadia-Maria I am very happy here with all of us, girls, whether TGs or GGs.
But I would feel it very "shocking... !!" that any male would come in and stay around us spying all of our feminine gossip !! :-))

There is nothing stopping a “male only mentality” from taking on a femme name and doing just that.


Wickanne, IMHO, even though we are fighting against the Male or Female classifications, they are still ingrained within most of us. IMHO that is why many CDers have this "passing" need as they have it set in their mind they can not be in the middle. It is Male or Female, not both.....
joe in a skirt
kimberlys-cd

You may be correct so I am going to try to find out if it is a MTF and/or FTM mindset. Interesting :D

:love:
Wickanne

[Nicki B]

..I am going to try to find out if it is a MTF and/or FTM mindset. Interesting :D

Wickanne, I know some (a small handful) of M2Fs who have kept, or use a specifically 'male' name - a lot more who use gender neutral names (Alex, Kim, etc), or contractions which are same for m or f (Sam, Chris, etc), while the majority are specifically female - as with clothing, most of us feel we have to strongly emphasis the feminine to counteract our male characteristics?

(M2F TSs are often taught, when answering the phone, to say straightaway 'Hello, this is X' - specifically to tell the caller in what gender they expect to be treated?)

The F2Ms I know tend to use either neutral or specifically male names (again, some may feel they need to emphasis their masculinity to overcome what they were born with) - perhaps, like those who may only crossdress a small amount, those born female will not be noticeable if they use female names?

But I don't think you can divide F2M & M2F like that?

[Wickanne GG]

...But I don't think you can divide F2M & M2F like that?

Nicki B,

I am not dividing...I am asking a specific group of people (those who see themselves under the CD umbrella...this should also include FTM CDs because their opinion is as relevant as the opinions of MTF CDs) a certain question. By neglecting to ask FTM CDs I was dividing…an error on my part.

:love:
Wickanne

[Nicki B]

My apologies - I thought you were implying F2Ms and M2Fs have different mindsets.


BTW, I did try, on your other thread - but I fear people are reading it from the title, just the same as this? :sad:

Reading your other, recent posts - I think perhaps the thing you are missing yourself, is any sense of gender dysphoria? To some of us, something reinforcing our perceived masculinity positively hurts, whether we're fully aware of it, or not?

That 'gender perception' acts two ways - how we appear to others and to ourselves. We all seem to be different in the balance of importance to us, between the internal/external?

[Wickanne GG]

My apologies - I thought you were implying F2Ms and M2Fs have different mindsets.


BTW, I did try, on your other thread - but I fear people are reading it from the title, just the same as this? :sad:

Reading your other, recent posts - I think perhaps the thing you are missing yourself, is any sense of gender dysphoria? To some of us, something reinforcing our perceived masculinity positively hurts, whether we're fully aware of it, or not?

That 'gender perception' acts two ways - how we appear to others and to ourselves. We all seem to be different in the balance of importance to us, between the internal/external?

Now the communication is flowing...I knew we could get there Nicki B :D

You make interesting points with this post. Now I am wondering whether the "importance" factor would have anything to do with a person's postion within the "spectrum" or with their acceptance of themselves...or maybe both?...or maybe something else?

:love:
Wickanne

[Nicki B]

Wickanne -

By 'importance', what I meant was which is most important to us - how we are treated by others, OR how we perceive ourselves....

IME, these are different types of dysphoria - different people have different amounts of each. How we perceive ourselves is linked also to body dysmorphia - unhappiness with our physicality, as opposed to what we see in the mirror when dressed?

We all differ in this? Some concentrate on social interaction (I am largely like this). Others obssess over parts of their anatomy and take hormones or undergo surgery to try and resolve their discomfort - for others, it is, at least primarily, just about the clothes and the way they may them look/feel?

The idea that their are different axes of gender discomfort/dysphoria is not new?

[Amy Hepker]

I have always felt like a Female inside and I wanted a Female name to go with the real me. I did do a lot of thinking to come up with Amy though. I did not have a name for myself for many years. My Male name is John, for many years I thought of maybe Jane for myself, but never used it, I figured it to be to close to my real name. My second wife called me Joelyne which I figured was from her dad who was Joe. I asked my mother what I would've been called if I was a Female, because back then they had no way of telling if you were male or Female until born. She said Anne because that was her middle name. I have 3 sisters all older than I am and she did not name any of them Anne, so I did not think that is what she would have picked. Anyway I was going to go to a crossdresser meeting one night and needed a Female name and did not want to use the name mysecond wife came up with as I was still with her and she was not happy about me going in the first place. So, I thought about it and Amy came to me. That night we had name tags for the meeting and I said my name was Amy. Well, my second wife found the name tag which I kept and was upset because I did not use Joelyne, she asked me why and I told her that Joelyne was the name she picked for me and that I figured she would not be happy if I used it there. She was mad anyway. There was no making her happy. So I was set in my new name of Amy. Wannabe was something I came up with for this Forum.

[Lidia_tv]

Why? Wouldn't be complete without it.

[Kathy Marie]

A couple of years ago I bought a replica Playboy Bunny costume that came with a rosette for a name to be engraved on. Up until that point I didn't have a female name for myself, I just never thought about it. That's the time that I chose Kathy.

[Valeria]

M2F TSs are often taught, when answering the phone, to say straightaway 'Hello, this is X' - specifically to tell the caller in what gender they expect to be treated?
Interesting. I've never heard of that, and I never answer the phone that way. I'd say that trans women are encouraged to develop a female voice so that this is a moot point. I don't have to give my name to be called "miss" or "ma'am".


We all differ in this? Some concentrate on social interaction (I am largely like this). Others obssess over parts of their anatomy and take hormones or undergo surgery to try and resolve their discomfort - for others, it is, at least primarily, just about the clothes and the way they may them look/feel?
I'm much more interested in social interaction than anatomy - but my social interaction has been considerably enhanced by my actually being female (and by my being perceived that way by others). So while I had surgery and take hormones, it's not just because I'm "obsessed" with anatomy (though the anatomy did matter to me). It's more because I wanted to make both my body and my social roles more congruent with my identity.

[Valeries_Online]

I had not really thought of a name for my other self until one night my SO brought it up when we were discussing who I wanted to be and how far I felt like going. Deciding to entertain looking for a name both went online looking through name lists for females. We looked at the same list and once at the end both remarked we liked Valerie. It was funny we both thought the same name fit. It helps my switching and not holding myself back. There are definitely repressed feelings that emerge when I feel I've fully switched. Fully switched for me being the clothes, makeup, wig and name.