Marriage counselor?

[Marvina Martian]

Hi all,

I am needing some advise or connections to a marriage consoler in the Phoenix area. I know that there are a million of them here but it not all that easy to find one that has any experience with CDing.

My wife and I are going through a bit of a rough patch and both of us have agreed to find someone whom may help us deal with the things at hand.
My desire for CDing (or becoming a girl) is getting stronger and my wife really does not know how to deal with it. And truthfully, I really don't know where I want to go.

After over 30 years of hiding myself and making a false shell to the outside world, I am tired of it all. As many of you here have read here and there, I have really started to come to grips with myself by going out dressed and conquering some of my fears. Now as I am coming to analyze the situation I am finding that I want more from my dressing than just hiding in the closet.

I am finding myself at a kind of a cross roads I feel. I have the opportunity to become the person whom I have always dreamed of really being and this is very exciting to me. On the other road is my life with my wonderful wife of over 17 years. She is my best friend and life partner but is just not quite understanding the whole dressing thing. She is supportive and tolerant as she can be, going shopping and doing stuff with me but still has a very hard time with it.

I know in her mind she is asking why on earth her man wants to be a girl?
To me it is easy as all my life this is what I have wanted, deep down inside. I can remember all through my teens and childhood crying myself to sleep at night, praying and asking god for two things; one was to give me someone who loved me for who I was and the other was to make me into a girl.

For years I have felt very fortunate to have had one of my wishes be true and this has been enough for so long. But now it is different. I just feel a bit lost. I am becoming more feminine in my actions and thinking without even trying or thinking about doing so and my wife has noticed this as well. It is almost like the inner girl is ready to finally emerge, to be set free of her cocoon.....

So now I am coming to a point that I must take one road or the other. Do I continue as I have most of my life as I have been while being partially fulfilled and just living with this big hole inside me, or do I risk alienating and driving away the one person that I truly love......

There is just sooo much more there to say but I don't want to totally pour my entire self out here right now. I just wish I had a close friend who understood me and my dressing that I could talk to and cry on their sholder...:sigh:

Thanks for listening to my sob story. Even though I have been here for a relatively short while I am very grateful for all of your friendship and support.

If you have any suggestions about a good person to help us along our road please let us know.

[Mixie]

Wow, Bre. Being a CD is just like having 2 selves, and these two selves are usually as opposite as can be. Sometimes you want to be One more than the other, and other times you want to be the other more than the first one. Bre, can I ask you a question? Do you think you will ever want to be only the feminine side? Or do you think you will always go back to the masculine at times?

I'm sorry, I think that might be the hard question to answer.

[vivianann]

I am sorry that you are at a point where you could lose the woman that you love, sound like you are married to a good woman, I hope you can work things out with good marriage counselor, but I think you should also seek out a gender counselor to see where you want to go with this femme persona, you are in a tough situation, I would hate to see yoour marriage break apart.
I hope you can work this out without too much difficulty. :hugs: Vivian

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

Hi Bre,

I could tell through your postings that things were progressing to a point a bit beyond what you started with.

Coundeling is the first step for the both of you. Only YOU can decide which is the true path you want to take. If dressing isn't enough and you want to vecome all the woman you can be then the reality is that you will probably lose your SO. I said probably not definitely since I have no idea what your SO is like or how she feels about where youy might want to go with this.

Its a hard road and a very tough decision, but you are on the right track in seeking some preofessional advice for the both of you.

Hang in there.
Talk to your SO, Counselor, and Us.
Don't make any rash/fast decisions until you've really thought everything through.

My two cents...

*much hugs of support for the both of you*

Zara

[Joni T]

Hi Bre,
Trust me on this one..............I feel and share your pain. Like the saying goes,
"Been there..............done that".
Hang in there and good luck and God Speed to you both.
Luv Ya'
Joni

[Mollyanne]

I am sorry that you are at a point where you could lose the woman that you love, sound like you are married to a good woman, I hope you can work things out with good marriage counselor, but I think you should also seek out a gender counselor to see where you want to go with this femme persona, you are in a tough situation, I would hate to see yoour marriage break apart.
I hope you can work this out without too much difficulty. :hugs: Vivian

Hi Bre, I'm with Vivian on this one. You may require a gender therapist to start with. A good one is hard to get but not impossible. See if there is a Tri-Ess chapter where you are and call them. Ask them for a list of gender therapists, then ask the usual question(s). Hope this helps, I know you are vulnerable now, but all is not lost!!!!


:love: Mollyanne

[Lana_CD]

Happy New Year.
A while back, the idea of going to a therapist was discussed by my wife and I. We ruled out those services available thru our jobs as we felt they might also, somehow out our problems to our respective employers.
What I did was look in the Yellow Book and start calling all the therapist listed and discussing their qualifications. Some were listed with one of the larger hospitals here.
You might try the same technique in chosing a therapist if there is no other method available to you.
Lana

Good Luck

[Mitch23]

Bre, a dilemma that many of us face to a larger or lesser degree and i count myself when i say that. It is the classic trannie dilemma and a wife's worst fears. and i dont know the answer any more than you or anyone else does - i wish i did and there were nice easy answers ...

mitch

[Nadia-Maria]

Bre, a dilemma that many of us face to a larger or lesser degree and i count myself when i say that. It is the classic trannie dilemma and a wife's worst fears.
mitch

Count myself too faced with that dilemma !
And almost everyday I use to weigh again the pros and the cons...

. Either I live exactly how I would wish, and this end up with me alone and probably very happy on a day to day basis (since I already experienced for ages living alone and found that good).
. Or I live not exactly how I would wish , making daily efforts, and this is living a wonderful relation with my SO/GG. I feel not so happy in the short term, but probably more happy with my life in the long term for what I would have succeeded to do.

I am proud of what I succeeded to do in the past, with everyday efforts.
If I cease to do such efforts, I will probably be less proud of my life in the future, and no more as happy in the long term. ??

Still I'm not sure.
Hence almost everyday I use to weigh again the pros and the cons...

[CharleneCD]

Bre, I recomend Dr Judy O'Donoghue. My wife and I went to her when dealing with our issues relating to my crossdressing.

3910 S. Rural Rd., Suite A-1
Tempe, Arizona 85282
(480) 894-2425
Fax (480) 921-9441

She is very good, and will work with both of you. She Did not take sides and made sure to address both of our concerns. She is very involved in trans and other LGBT issues. We found her on tgharmony.com . We would have spent alot more time with her but ended up moving to Michigan. But what time we did spend gave us a good foundation to keep working on our own. I f you have any questions PM me.

[MJ]

Bre, a dilemma that many of us face to a larger or lesser degree and i count myself when i say that.
It is the classic trannie dilemma and a wife's worst fears. and i dont know the answer any more than you or anyone else does - i wish i did and there were nice easy answers ...

mitch

welcome to my world sister...

Bre just how far do you want to go.. hormones .. srs ? at what level ?. To yourslef be true.. this you must ponder .. and your wife must know the truth so she can stay or move on ..