I want to know WHY....

[Kim_Bitzflick]

Why can women (gg's) buy mens clothing without comment from a sales associate, but men can't buy women's clothes without comments?

It seems that the SA's assume the women are buying the clothes for their husbands/boyfriends/sons/etc. But when men buy women's clothes it is assumed they are not buying for their wife/GF/etc. My wife & I are nearly the same size (I'm a 12 & she's a 14) & I buy things for her & me.
Fortunately I've never got the rude or implying comment from the SA.

But still some on this site report rude comments and my question is WHY?

[Shelly Preston]

I have never had any negative comments when buying ladies clothes

I never told them who it was for and they have yet to ask :2c:

[Mean Green Irene]

I was always afraid to buy women's clothes except just before Holloween or Christmas. You could always step up to the salesperson and ask if this would be a good gift for your wife.

I now shop dressed - so even if they know what I am they don't say anything.

Irene

[Nicole Erin]

Once in a while there is the SA who is new and has not seen it all.
They soon learn that it is nice when people are at least willing to pay for their stuff instead of trying to rip it off.

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

i shop the same stores so they get to know u,,,

what i want to know is why if u slip on a pair of pantyhose or a skirt ur SO or family member asks R U GAY NOW??? but if they slip on her mans shirt or boxers its ok? we should turn the tables and ask them if they want to munch on some carpet now when they do shyt like that:2c: :rant:

[Janine cd]

I have found that most people associate crossdressing with having desires to be gay. This, of course, is a total fallacy, but that these not alter the misconception. I have discovered that younger people are more accepting of the idea that crossdressing is not an indication that one is gay.

[androgyne]

Why can women (gg's) buy mens clothing without comment from a sales associate, but men can't buy women's clothes without comments?



Not in California, I see lots of men perusing the woman's clothing and lingerie racks, and very few people notice it, much less comment about it. I think it depends on where you live.

[kassandra richard]

Don't think anyone batted an eyelash at me today when shopping en drab. Bought a sweater in one store, and four tops in another. Gotta love Boxing Week sales :) Even walking through the stores, including the Bay, nobody seemed to care too much.

The best though was the Goodwill store earlier. Grabbed a pair of guys jeans, a pair of girls capris and a long suede skirt, went into the change room, tried them all on and decided on none of them. Looked around a bit longer and left. Not a comment from the 20 or so GGs in the store.

Kassandra

[Rebecca Jackson]

I've often wondered the same thing as to why such a double standard exists where it's acceptable for women to wear men's or women's clothes, but men are thought of as deviants if they dress the least bit feminine. It sure would be nice if people were more open-minded about men wanting to be more feminine and the choice of clothing we wear. Maybe someday.

Rebecca

[Joy Carter]

My one milestone for 08' is to dry dresses on in a store. The one problem is not many sell tall women's dresses.

[Melinda G]

Life ain't fair. There has always been a double standard, and there always will be. If you are going to stay in CDing, and you are, better get a thick skin. :D

[brittanny]

it has to do with confidence if you were not a crossdresser and were actully buying for your wife then you wouldn't feel like anyone was watching or going to make a comment

[Marybeth_1966]

i worked in downtown Chicago for years. I remember one shopping experience in MF so well. I was looking at skirts and blouses and the SA came up to me as I was holding up a Liz Claborne skirt to see how long it would fall on me--she basically busted me. Without missing a beat or taking her eyes off me she said "is that not the prettest skirt you have ever seen? We just got it in and I can tell you that I love that skirt. You have really good taste! Did you see the silk blouses from Liz--they are to die for. I cant believe you found my most favorate skirt in this entie store". Guess what? I had to have the skirt and blouse and still have them. That was 15 years ago and still think of that exchange every time I wear them. Yea, it may be a bit dated-maybe too shiny for the times but it sure feels good every time I put it on!

[TeRe]

I was at my favorite lingere store and was looking through the panties when a SA came up and asked if I needed any help finding the color and size for my SO. I told her that in fact it was for me. I could see her to do a fast swallow and then proceeded to help me find the color i was wanting in my size. I wear what feels good and can come close to unisex. I know what i have on and sometimes thats enough. I do want to go further...someday.

[Applelicious]

I agree strongly with brittanny, and it's nuts how the mentality just switches. When I buy cloths for women, I don't think anything about what the people around me are thinking. When I'm shopping for myself, all of a sudden it's like all eyes are on me. But I look no different to all those around me no matter the case, so I feel silly.

There are lots of double standards with men and women alike. This is one of them, and of course it isn't fair. It's also not fair that women aparently get much lighter sentences than men when they sleep with their students; men can be overweight, while women are supposed to be barbie dolls; men are supposed to dress like men, while women can wear whatever they damn well please; women are frowned upon for being sexual, while men get to sleep around.

These double standards are a result of society trying to perserve the binary mentalities it imposes on all people imo. A thought process that is slowly but surly diminishing. We can choose to gripe about it, but I say keep going against the grain by not letting these things get to you, and keep doing what you're doing.

[Kieron Andrew]

ok from the other side of the coin, i am FtM and yes ive had bad vibes from trying to buy mens clothes!!! dont assume none of us dont get a raw deal it does happen occasionally

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

i do what i have to do to live and wear my pantyhose:D

shoping for anything isnt the problem its the double standard that gets my goat because it keeps the timid from living their lives to the best they can like the rest of us do... did that make sense??

[Marvina Martian]

Actually it made dollars! :D

I think that it is very much your attitude that is reflected with the SA. If you are happy and joking you tend to get that back. If you act nervous then people look at you more and suspect that there is something wrong. This goes for either gender!

I have found that if I distract the SA with asking them how their day is going and talking with them they really don't pay that much attention to what they are ringing up. ;)

[karynspanties]

Probably the same reason I have seen lesbian women out in public wearing mens clothes and nobody bats an eye. But if a man goes out in public dressed as a woman, :eek: he's considered a freak or a pervert. It is what it is.

[Kate Simmons]

Some SA'a just do it to make conversation. Doesn't matter really and I ignore it for the most part. I'm the one with the money and know what I want. Occasionally I have some very nice conversations with SA's who aren't the least bit fazed about who I'm buying the stuff for.;):happy:

[JoAnnDallas]

Last summer I walked into WalMart in drab, bought a complete outfit. Skort, matching top, heels, new fem watch, neckless, earrings, and makeup. The GG SA's made a comment about me buying for my wife. I told her it was not for my wife, it was for me. She looked at me for a moment and then started commenting on how nice the top and heels went with the skort. That I should look real nice in the outfit. She even asked if it was my birthday or something special. I said NO, I was just wanted a new outfit.
The SA once she understood who the outfit was for, seem to be completely OK with it all. She even said after she had rung up everything, "Have a nice dsy dear".

[Melissa A.]

My one milestone for 08' is to dry dresses on in a store. The one problem is not many sell tall women's dresses.

You can try on women's clothes. Just make sure you go to the men's dressing room! I do that when I'm not sure if something will fit.

I've never had a problem buying anything in a store, ever. I have heard some stories from people who have. Sometimes, at the drugstore, I see the girl at the register hesitate a little when I put down hair remover, fake nails and a hair scrunchi, but I personally think that's funny! As a consumer, you have the right to buy what you want without being hassled. And others are right when they say the SA may be trying to make conversation, or be helpful. I wouldn't worry about it.

Hugs,

Melissa:happy:

[NYsong]

I think about this all the time. Imagine what we do being entirely acceptable! What a fantastic place this world would be!

I go shopping with my friends who are girls all the time, and except for the two girls who know, I can't comment or even really seem interested without feeling really awkward. I wish I could comment, make suggestions, and even grab stuff for myself when I am out with anyone. I would have such a full closet!

I totally agree the double standard is a terrible, terrible thing.

[mackemlass]

I don't really care what SA's think anymore,I just queue and pay for what I buy normally and it doesn't bother me how they react,whether they give me a look,or the tone of voice used when asking for payment and then thanking me for my custom. Varying reactions,in both cases when buying tights/hose,run from a young girl who didn't bat an eyelid and said I'd reminded her that she needed some as well,to an older woman,at least in her fifties,who said,in a rather disapproving voice,"Shall I put them in a bag for you,dear"?

[melissacd]

I have had some wonderful experiences with sales associates. If they ask I tell them it is for me. There was a time I was terrified to even be in the women's department, but as with anything, the more you do it and do it successfully the less of a problem it is.

In one case I had a sales associate compliment me on the choice of summer dress saying that it went well with my skin colour. In another case, two sales associates complimented me on my sense of style.

Regardless of the perceived double standard (because it is all about perception), if you want to do this you have to look past what you think people are thinking about you and just do it. It will get easier, the shakes will stop, the nervousness will quell and the sweaty palms will dry out. Enjoy your femmedom.

[CaptLex]

ok from the other side of the coin, i am FtM and yes ive had bad vibes from trying to buy mens clothes!!! dont assume none of us dont get a raw deal it does happen occasionally
Kieron's right, we get looks and comments too. More than once I've been re-directed to the women's department by "helpful" salespeople who must have assumed I was lost while browsing in the men's area, and when I wanted to try something on, I was shown into a closet rather than allowed to use the men's dressing room. :p

[kim85]

I was shown into a closet rather than allowed to use the men's dressing room. :p

I would of told them that i was already out of the closet and didnt really fancy going back in one :heehee:

I think it is more of a case of the SA been bored at work and besides if you have a SA who talks you are more likely to back into the store or so one ive been told by a friend said who is an assistant manager of a clothes shop ....well she was now works in a shoe shop.She had go to go on a training course for how to interact with customers

Kim
xxx

[Carly D.]

I've never had a rude comment from a clerk.. but I have had a fun rubbing once in a while, where the clerk says something to the effect of "is this for you?" and I say sure.. most of the time if I'm in a department store (like a Walmart super center) I will act like I'm put out that I can't find my girlfriend and just wanted to buy the clothes and leave because she went to look at something and left me holding her clothes and I got tired of people seeing me with this "stuff" so I'm getting out.. besides I really don't look or act like someone who crossdresses...

[Emma England]

I have never had rude comments, so the assumptions that you suggest take place are a mystery to me.

The purpose of a retail store is to sell clothes - doesn't matter whether a man or woman buys them.

If an SA is helpful, you are more likely to go back to them.

[Kieron Andrew]

More than once I've been re-directed to the women's department by "helpful" salespeople who must have assumed I was lost while browsing in the men's area, and when I wanted to try something on, I was shown into a closet rather than allowed to use the men's dressing room. :p
Yup ive had that one too, and on more than one occasion

[John]

yeah, the number of times I've bean directed to the ladies and then given weid looks when I stay put in the mens section...

[bridget thronton]

I have generally had very good experiences shopping for women's clothes in stores (any time of the year).

[Leilani]

I have worked in various aspects of customer service for the past 13 years and nothing fazes me about customers when they come in. I have seen and dealt with just about every kind of customer out there. I can tell everyone out there that although the SA may think you are a bit weird (weird=different not weird=serial killer) if you come in dressed as a woman or buy women's clothes for yourself, as long as you are friendly, respectful and polite you will definately be viewed as a better customer (and most likely treated better) than a regularly dressed person who is dismissive, rude and disrespectful. Many SA's make low wages and suffer poor treatment by overly demanding customers so if you bring a bit of light into their day they will appreciate you coming back in however you are dressed.

[Crystal Alberta]

I honestly believe that most people (sales associates and otherwise) simply do not care as much as we tend to think they do. In all the times I have bought for myself (always in drab), I have never once had a rude or even inquiring comment. As far as the SAs are concerned, I'm just another customer making a purchase.

Crystal

[Dalece]

I never have a problem, sometimes they ask me if it for me girlfriend or wife and I tell them no there for me.

[MarciManseau]

I think a lot of it has to do with the attitude of the man when he goes to buy women's things. I've witnessed a few men who act like they've invaded a women's shower when they go into a dress department or a lingerie shop, and if you see a woman buying shirts or boxers for a man, they act like it's no different than picking out something for themselves.

There's nothing to be nervous about; the stores really just want your money, so act like you're there to get new windshield wipers or floor mats for your car. Act natural, and maybe even flirt with the clerk if someone is helping you.

Hope this helps.


Hugs, Marci

[Kim_Bitzflick]

Thank you all for your insight.

I agree that from the perrspective of buying things, we shoould be able to buy what we want without negative comments from anyone.

I also know that the double standard exists. Maybe with all of us working together, we can break that double standard.

[jennifer41356]

When I used to buy womens clothes as a guy, I never had anything but positive comments...it was mainly.."I wish my husband(boyfriend) would be me dresses ..etc..., but the are so afraid"...so I dont really understand this thing about comments...If you go to a nice dept. store, the SA's are on commission and I dont think they really care who is buying what:hugs:

[victoriamwilliams1]

I have had great and bad experience shopping and 99% of it is en-fem since I shop most of the time as Victoria.

Payless Shoes: 1 incident being called sir while dressed! did not realize it until later. This was at the time I was not confident. Now I go to the store and the SA's are super friendly to almost scary friendly.

Catherine's in Toledo(Maumee) Ohio: Best shopping ever! I plan on going back.

CVS: No problems I had one guy ask if I played for the Detroit Shock:) On guy went speechless and the ladies are cool.

Gas Station: Asked out a few times, he wanted to know if I had a boyfriend I said to myself this guy thinks I am a GG, so I said married he said my husband was lucky! Another time recently the guy was speaking to my chest, good thing I shaved it that day:)


Both modes:

I buy my makeup, hose, gas, nail polish, pads, sometimes shoes en-drab and clothes.

En-fem:

Shoes, Bras and other items. Shoes are better for me en-fem so I can get the right size.

All they want is the money, now I never tried any clothes on en-fem or en-drab.

[Seville]

We got an old B***H at the Target who defies/refuses
entry to dressing rooms if anything seems out of order
to her. Just try to take something fem into the unisex
dressing room, and you're busted, brother! :thumbsdn:

My wife wants to report her to management.

[vivianann]

I have not had any problems shopping for womens clothes, I like the sa's to ask who the clothes are for, and I tell them the truth, I am very polite to the sa's, and I have had very positive responses from sa's, I have had some tell me they appreciate my honesty, and they are far more helpful to me after that. Please do not take offense when they ask, it is a chance to educate them about crossdressing.

[VikkiVixen7188]

The answer is that Masculine clothes on a female is not as big of a shock to the mainstream. People have been socialised to encourage tomboys and to try to make MEn out of boys.

[Roshanak]

last month I went to a store and saw a very nice dress. I asked for a large size from sales girl, and when she handed that to me, just asked: "are you looking for a gift ?" and i reply: " no, I want it for a special party!" and continued " where is your fitting room?"
she just surprised :D
I tried it, was nicely fit, I tried 5-6 more different dresses and she just helped me.
They are just surprising but accept it at the same moment and you have no problem at all, instead you will enjoy your shopping.

[RobertaFermina]

My experiences with SA's has been all positive.

I agree with Marci, attitude of the purchaser is important.

If I feel "guilty" or "perverted" or upset about possibly being judged while I am purchasing, SA's will get those uncomfortable feelings and will be uncomfortable to some degree during your interaction. How they respond to their uncomfortableness will vary.

If you are totally self-accepting and still get a "bad experience", then you will know it is not your problem, and does not merit any worry.


:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Fab Karen]

Actually it made dollars! :D



I have found that if I distract the SA with asking them how their day is going and talking with them they really don't pay that much attention to what they are ringing up. ;)
Just ask them how many crossdressers they've seen today. When they say "oh, about 20" you say, "actually it's 21":)

[Janet Bern]

I have never had a bad experience with SA's. In fact they have all been positive. In fact surprisingly so. I have been to Lord and Taylor, Nordstroms Bloomingdales en drab. I have been to many other shops too. Not an eye was batted when I said it for me. Dress Barn even has special dressing rooms for us. The best was in Tall Girls where I was treated wonderfully and actually got clothes that fit me perfectly.. Janet

[Julie York]

Why can women (gg's) buy mens clothing without comment from a sales associate, but men can't buy women's clothes without comments?

It seems that the SA's assume the women are buying the clothes for their husbands/boyfriends/sons/etc.


O.K. it's like this.
The shops were open from 9.00 am until 5.00 pm with an hour shut for lunch.
A man worked from 9.00 until 5.00 and in his lunch hour the shops were shut.
Therefore midweek his wife or Mother bought his clothes because he was at work and she wasn't.

It's also the reason that single men had to get married because either they live with a woman or starve to death and die of malnutrition still wearing the underpants their Mother's bought them when they were at work.:D

Historically there is no reason at all why a man would buy women's clothing.

So......The reasoning is out of date but the logic persists at least for another generation or so.

[Jessie J]

i do what i have to do to live and wear my pantyhose:D

shoping for anything isnt the problem its the double standard that gets my goat because it keeps the timid from living their lives to the best they can like the rest of us do... did that make sense??


Makes sense to me because I'm one of the timid right now. I'm still a complete newbie to CDing but I wanted to at least pick up some makeup tonight, but here I sit nice and clean shaven and that's it. Posts like these help and even though I didn't buy anything I actually made it to the cosmetics and stopped to look this time.