Men's Bathroom ettique...

[Syr_SwitchyGQ]

One of my transguy friends sent me this video:

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Anyone seen it? Any thoughts boys? Any GMs want to verify/dispute this? :heehee:

[Kieron Andrew]

This is a good one Tobias, one posted a long time ago...well worth revising....oh and GMs i know say its right :heehee:

[Maggie Kay]

Well, I am not really a male but I have been playing the part for most of my life and this video is spot on. They left out the excruciating situation when there is a line for the urinal. Just try to "let it go" when there is a line of surly men behind you wanting you to hurry. The pressure can make it impossible to do what you came in there for! The correct course of action when one is taking too long is: Pretend to have done it and leave, hoping to return later...

[Charleen]

It was spot on. The end situation actually occured in a town in Montana. They were able to contain it, mostly by the quick responce of getting portable toilets into the town within hours. Of course the whole thing was hushed up.

[Mariah]

there is a wonderful rebuttle to this called "woman Bathroom Ettique" a long time ago. :P

keris

[Crissy Kay]

LOL!!! Thats spot on!!!! You violate those rules at your own risk!!!

[Emily Ann Brown]

Funny, nowhere is it mentioned what to do if a lady taps you on the shoulder while you are shaking the Bishop's hand at a urinal and asks if this is the ladies room.....happened to me before, HONEST! What did I do???? BLUSH.

Was on a layover in Dallas at the airport with a coworker once and we entered an empty restroom. Some jerk came in and pulled up alongside my buddy and tried to strike up a conversation about some movie he saw the night before....was all I could do to keep the coworker from smashing him into the wall. What a moron.

Yep...VERY WISE ADVICE (and never point and giggle).

Emily Ann

[Nicole Erin]

These rules are very true and very important.

They went over the urinal spacing rule but more important -
You are there to take care of business, not to talk.

These rules are instictive to men. We are never "told" we just know. We are born knowing these rules.

SOMEtimes we do break them if we are in a familiar enough place, like work.
In fact, I was guilty today - One of my friends was in the stall, I was headed out and said - "Well I am going to go see if those [work related jargon]" and he said - "Don't talk, it makes it crawl back in!"

[Genifer Teal]

Well, I am not really a male but I have been playing the part for most of my life and this video is spot on. They left out the excruciating situation when there is a line for the urinal. Just try to "let it go" when there is a line of surly men behind you wanting you to hurry. The pressure can make it impossible to do what you came in there for! The correct course of action when one is taking too long is: Pretend to have done it and leave, hoping to return later...


This is called "nervous bladder syndrome". You've been handling this siutation correctly. Don't forget to flush.:D BTDT

Thanks for a great laugh. I had not seen this one before.

Gen

[Taylor105]

Dang it!! I can't get the video to work past the part where he says "dropping the kids off at the pool" which is hilarious!! My dad always says that when he has to take a dump. haha

[Sally24]

The only part I disagree with is the unrinal spacing. If you have to go, take an adjacent urinal. It's not prefered but with no alternative but to wait, you go.

In Navy boot camp, 100 guys had about 5 minutes to use the head and get back in formation. If you want pressure, try peeing when you have 20 other guys behind you trying to use one of two available urinals!!

The video was well done, if you get by the video game graphics.

[Fab Karen]

Didn't see the video but the comments make clear the subject. Personally in boy-mode in public rr's, I tend to use a stall as often the psychological distraction of others can put things on hold.
Oh, and most people should be aware by now that a "wide stance" when using a stall is not a good idea ( unless you're a senator looking for friends )

[Joanne f]

Well the first half is about right as males like to be as privet as possible but i do not know about the second half as i would think that could apply more to inner cities which i have no experience with .



joanne

[AmandaM]

View it, know it, love it.

And you will have taken the pebble from my hand, Grasshopper!

Seriously, if you talk to another guy or stand next to one in the bathroom, you're a faggot (or a potential one).

[Fab Karen]

Seriously, if you talk to another guy or stand next to one in the bathroom, you're a faggot (or a potential one).
Put quotes around that word so we know it isn't how YOU think.

[charllote34]

HA HA this is so funny , basically when you go in the loo you do what you need to do and leave as quick as possible !!

[Nicki B]

Sadly, I can't get it to run - neither can I attach an .exe I have - see if this works (http://gamescene.com/The_Urinal_Game_game.html)??? :)

It does depend on relative size, who 'threatens' who, who stands nearest to the door, etc - all about the male pecking order... :roflmao:

[ZenFrost]

I saw this when it was posted a long time ago, but it's still funny. :laugh:

[Angela Burke]

The following appeared in the “Locker Room” column by Matt Rudd in the Sunday Times Scotland on the 30/12/2007. Yes it does sometimes take me a week to read it. It’s a real heavyweight in all respects. I’ve often thought why an enterprising thriller writer hasn’t used it as a murder weapon in some lurid novel. Maybe they have?


Toilet Training

Someone engaged me in conversation at a urinal the other day, which I found most inappropriate. So, today, we are going to have a brief refresher course on toilet etiquette before all semblance of order goes down the plughole. Let’s start with the urinal.
First, the basics. Never go in packs. You are not a girl. Position is important. If you arrive at an empty urinal, stand at the far left or the far right, but never in the middle. This enables the next man to take the opposite extreme. If a third man arrives, he can take the middle slot, but it would be preferable if he abandoned the urinal altogether and went into a cubicle. Regardless of good intent, you should never hang around waiting for an ideal position – it may be mistaken for perving.
Once installed, keep your eyes dead ahead at all times, even in the event of a fire alarm. If you find yourself at the urinal at the same time as a friend or colleague, a rhetorical “All right?” will suffice. “How’s the new kitchen coming along?” is too much. If you have eaten asparagus or taken Berocca, and you find yourself urinating upriver of someone else, a simple “Sorry, asparagus/Berroca” is polite. Other than that, there should be absolutely no talking. As for drying off, three shakes is diligence. Four is masturbation.
And so on how to navigate the cubicle. Unless you are on final call an airport, or two minutes away from sitting a three - hour exam, never take a cubicle next to one that is already occupied. Come back another time.
Never make a toilet – paper seat cover. If the fact that it is girlie isn’t enough to dissuade you, consider the following findings from the University of Arizona: the average toilet seat has a mere 49 microbes of bacteria per square inch, whereas your desk has 20,691 per square inch. Which means eating your sandwich off the toilet seat is 400 times more hygienic than eating it at your desk and your bottom will survive.
Always leave the toilet bowl as you would like to find it, by which I mean wait to check it doesn’t need a double flush. As with the urinals communication is a no – no, even if the toilet paper has run out. Girls may warn each other, “Don’t go in there, I just used the last paper” – but with men, it is simply the next user’s misfortune.
Try to time your exit for when the rest of the washroom is empty. On no account emerge proudly, passing comment to all and sundry on how pleased you are with what just went on behind the closed door.
Oh, and lest you should be tempted to forget, always wash your hands.

[AmandaM]

Put quotes around that word so we know it isn't how YOU think.

Oops, sorry! I meant manly-men-society thinks you are one.

[Wendi {LI NY}]

Gee. If I had this vidio before ,I wouldn't get in trouble in the bathroom! :rolleyes: If I had to go I didn't jockey for position at the urnials.but things may have change?:laughing: hugs ,Wendi

[xsideburnsx]

HAHA! I don't know if that's exactly true about what goes down in bathrooms. I've never experienced that sort of stuff before.

[Cathii]

I will dispute the no talking rule, at least in Australia that is.... There are some circumstance in which talking is totally acceptable.

1) Just before oral evacuation of alcohol (meeting your friends Hughey, Chuck and Ralph, otherwise known as talking to God on the porcelain telephone) and just after, it is acceptable to utter, though not to anyone in particular, a chosen deities name followed by a brief warning for those squeamish in the vicinity. ie "Oh God, I think I am going to hurl"... Or... "Oh God, I can't believe I just wasted all that alcohol by barfing"..... If you aren't religious it is acceptable to replace the deities name with some form of profanity. ie "Oh F*** I just baked a floor pizza".....

2) Any unintelligible word said to a friend is acceptable... ie grunting in recognition and giving the 'nod'. No further conversation is acceptable.

Beyond this I think it is pretty much spot on especially for the Australian version of the 'piss house', 'out house', 'smallest room' or even the Aussie favourite, 'The Thunderbox'

btw Sh*thouse is not an acceptable name for public facilities in Australia cause that is what you call a crap footballer or umpire........

Cathii

[Taylor105]

I just baked a floor pizza! lolol That's a new one on me. haha

[Felix]

Lol always use the cubicles and I never give eye contact straight in and straight out wash hands quick lol xx Felix :hugs:

[NatalieBliss]

like much humor, it is funny because it is true.

[mylilsecret8]

[QUOTE=Sally24;1145813]The only part I disagree with is the unrinal spacing. If you have to go, take an adjacent urinal. It's not prefered but with no alternative but to wait, you go.


I agree. If every other urinal is occupied, guys frequently take the urinal in between. It's not prefered but it happens all the time.

[C.J.]

Very informative. Thanks for posting.

- C.J.

[Stephanie Anne]

Just remember that most GMs are all homophobic and the last thing we want is to have any interaction with any part of our lower body exposed.

If you are in a Men's restroom just remember that unless you are a congressman, you are there to go to the bathroom with as little interaction or invasion of personal space as possible. What always gets me is how many men refuse to use a urinal and will wait for a stall because they get so nervous with their little penises exposed.

No wonder I don't like associating with men lol. Oh it is good to be "other"!

[suzanne]

The video represents good, sound basic training, but doesn't touch at all on a crucial guy situation: the stadium bathroom anti-lineup. Say you're at a monster truck event and need to recycle all those beers you've guzzled. You find the nearest can and it has entire walls filled with dozens upon dozens of urinals. Unfortunately, there are also some two hundred men in there on the same mission as you. If you're lucky, this is the intermission and if you wait to come back later, the crowd may have subsided. Well, forget it. That's a beer piss you have in you and it won't wait. Secondly, you're gonna miss some of them thar trucks, another no-no, since you've been waiting months to see this event and God knows when its coming to town again.

So.... Suck it up Princess! And welcome to Advanced Public Restrooms 301.

The first thing you notice is there are no lineups. Women line up for toilets, men never do, because it's nearly as dangerous as talking or making eye contact. Instead, you will find an amorphous crowd facing in the direction of the wall of urinals. Join the crowd at the rear, taking careful note of the three or four fellow pilgrims immediately in front and beside you. These are the people are "In front" of you, to use the lineup analogy. You need to pay some attention to those guys who arrived after you, but since they have registered you as being "In Front" of them, there is little danger of their pushing past you. They know the rules too. Peripheral vision is of vital importance here, since, as at the urinal itself, it is strictly eyes-front. You must be vigilant at all times to ensure you never invade your neighbors' personal buffer zone of 12 to 18 inches. Be especially careful not to do the "Gotta go" dance.

You and you neighbors will eventually reach the front of the crowd. You will probably have noticed that no one has pushed past you from behind, as the urination sequence has already been established and cast in stone. The only exceptions might be boys under 12, who have not yet learned that rules even exist. Don't worry, they will soon enough.

In front of you now is the row of urinals, fully occupied by beer drinkers in various stages of the process, separated from you by a new buffer zone about 3 to 5 feet wide. Your task now is to monitor all your "In front" neighbors as well as those 3 or 4 stalls directly in front of you. You need to anticipate which stall is likely to be the one you will visit, after your in front neighbors have taken their places.

Once your In Front neighbors have found a place to go, it's your turn. Allow space for the next person vacating his stall and its all yours. The nice thing is that you have lots of time: no one will be pressuring you to vacate ASAP, since there are so many other urinals for them to use. Even nicer is that you don't need much time; the pressure has been building since you entered the room. To top it all off, you've made room for a couple more beers.

Hand washing? Don't kid yourself. You didn't touch anything except Mr Johnson, and as Allan Shore put it on Boston Legal"I keep an exceptionally clean penis" Just go get that beer and get back to to your seat; there's more trucks to see.

[AmandaM]

Very good suzanne, Grasshopper! And what did you learn about the urinal trough instead of standalone urinals? Hint: No hiding wee willy there!

[Christina Louise]

Some observations:

1. When all the urinals are free choose the one NEXT to the end; that way it looks like you might not have given it any thought.

2. You are allowed to talk to a mate but eye contact only when well away from the urinal.

3. If you are in desparate need use whatever urinal is available; even though the presence of others next you to keeps the golden stuff from flowing, stand your ground and look to the ceiling, then down to the urinal, then straight ahead, back to the ceiling and continue like this until everyone else has gone or it just won't stay in any longer.

4. It's always useful to try to keep a check on just how many people might be be in the loo by making a mental note of when, from the corner of your eye, you see someone going in, and similarly when they come back out. Do this for about 10 mins before you plan to go in so that the number of fellow visitors will be at a minimum.

5. Most men do not wash their hands after a whizz; quite a few do not wash their hands after a dump. Remember this if you ever shake hands with a man or he carries your drink immediately after he's been to the loo. :eek:

[Andine]

This was one of our favourite skits here!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTg3fUZqhAA&feature=related

Hope it works .... enjoy!

regards

[tamarav]

That was the best teaching tool I have seen yet for bathroom rules for males. Unfortunately I used to teach class with this attorney who, when we went to the men's room at the same time, would stand next to some other guy and look over and say "nice ****"! I damn near messed myself getting out of there and he would always come out laughing. He said no one had ever said anything back to him other than "Thanks".

I now sometimes laugh upon rarely entering a men's room remembering him. Glad I don't have to do that much anymore. I have had meaningful conversations in the lady's room than I ever did in a men's.

Tami

[CaptLex]

I have had meaningful conversations in the lady's room than I ever did in a men's.
But who needs conversation in there? It's a bathroom, not a cocktail lounge. :p

I'm so glad I don't have to deal with people trying to gab to me now that I don't have to use the ladies room anymore. :whew!:

[uknowhoo]

That when we went to the men's room at the same time, would stand next to some other guy and look over and say "nice ****"! I damn near messed myself getting out of there and he would always come out laughing. He said no one had ever said anything back to him other than "Thanks".
Tami

That's entirely 2 f'in funny Tami! Thanx for the laugh.

I now return you to your boyzroom thread in progress.

[CourtneyinTaylor]

Rule 1 When at urinal look strait ahead

Rule 2 Very little talking while at urinal

Rule 3 No Superman keep your manhood in your hands. you may be well indoud but most others don't care to know.

Rule 4 Leave Space between urinals when possible
rule 4 is void if dividers exist.

Rule 5 If Stuck with the troff stay to one end and make it quick or use stall.

[CaptLex]

Another rule: close the stall door. :rolleyes:

I walked in on a guy yesterday who left the stall door ajar. I politely excused myself, but he didn't seem bothered anyway. :p

[ZenFrost]

Another rule: close the stall door. :rolleyes:

Unless there isn't one. There was a men's room in California without any doors on the stalls but I really had to go so I used it anyway. It kinda freaked me out, but I felt very brave afterwards. :heehee:

[Abraxas]

Oh man I hate it when guys don't close/lock the doors! I've pushed open a few in my time, when there was a guy in there unloading... Talk about awkward! And it's not like it's well-advised to peek under the doors looking for feet. :rolleyes:

[Stephanie Scott]

This was good. Pretty much right on. There are 2 exceptions I can think of:
1) Father with a young son -- this can be most embarrassing because it requires "hovering" and talking -- as in, "hurry up, son, we don't have all night!" The violation against talking is less of a violation than "hovering," which makes people think you are either gay or a pedophile (when there are young boys in there). So you must talk loudly and make sure everyone knows you are in there with your young son.

2) Drug tests -- had zillions when playing football in college and then in the military. VERY disconcerting to have the tester watching you like a hawk when you pee. Required a lot of pre-test water drinking!

[Deborah_UK]

So funny guys! :D And virtually all true! My days of bothering about such things will soon be gone ... I hope!

But regarding the "rules" - the only one I disagree with is the not standing next to someone else. Sometimes it is totally unavoidable however the main rules in that unavoidable instance are

1. Stare straight ahead or upwards
2. under no circumstances look left or right, and
3. definitelyDO NOT LOOK DOWN

[TxKimberly]

. . . Unfortunately I used to teach class with this attorney who, when we went to the men's room at the same time, would stand next to some other guy and look over and say "nice ****"! I damn near messed myself getting out of there . . .
Tami

And I damn near messed myself reading this!

Oh, by the way? The rules are 100% spot on, and I swear I'm not joking. This really IS the way most guys think and behave in the bathroom.

[jill s]

I know I'm a weird Sociopath but sometimes if I finish first I will turn to the guy next to me and say something like " Damn drove the last two miles with my leg crossed" . It really freaks most guys out and some of them can't get IT back in their pants fast enough. I know if I were a cartoon character I would be Buggs Bunny.