Illusion or Reality?

[michellebesweet]

I have read alot on this forum and started alot of Threads and posted alot of comments over the past year since I have been on here. I have read some really good thoughts, but have read some really goofy thoughts.

My purpose for this is to see who thinks what they are doing is an illusion or is it reality. There was a Thread about a question as to why we pick a female name for ourselves, this question was asked by a GG. The thread, I think, gave her alot to think of. But one thing that struck me the most, is the comments from some of us that said "It completes the Illusion". That comment really worries me.

I do not see what I am doing as an "Illusion", I see it as "Reality". This is my life, and I am serious about it. When I am "Michelle", I am "Michelle" totally. I am not looking to create an illusion, true I will always be a male under the pantyhose and makeup, but inside and in my heart, I am female, I am "Michelle".

[Jan W]

Absolutely right Michelle.

[battybattybats]

It's definately expressing a real something inside me.

[Lessa Lynn Young]

Honestly I believe that I am more than a CD but other things in my life right now take priority and therefore cannot afford a therapist to help me sort this out. Would my life be easier or more comfy if I had the change, I won't know till it happens or if it happens. For me, most of the women in my life tell me I am not a guy, obviously I am no women either. All I know is I have to make the best of what I have and take what I can get when I get it. The fact in the end is I have to be happy for me no matter what my role in life is and knowing myself allows me to do this. Certain medical issues make this more than tough some days, but being down about it only makes it worse for everyone around me. Ultimately this is reality for me and my reality isn't anyone else's though they may extremely similar.

[Dee Jay]

I see it as neither illusion or reality.
When I get dressed, I like to put shoes on. it completes the look, but this look isn't an illusion. This dress goes with these shoes.... I still look like a man in a dress, but at least it's co-ordinated.
I'm not trying to create the illusion that I'm fermale.

Neither is it reality... When I'm in a dress, I'm in a dress. I don't suddenly become female. I don't start acting female. I'm a lot more comfortable, but I'm certainly not female.

The poll definately needs a box marked "Neither".


DJ

[Jessika Paige]

the reality for me is that i am androgenous and of high intellect. i am just trying to admit truths to myself and integrate them into my life instead of suppressing them. "to thine own self, be true"? fine...i wish i was a girl, always did, always will. i hate most men. i dislike the aggression and cruelty they dish out. women do it too, but they're usually not so heartless about. in that way, most men are cold. i am warm and loving. i like pretty clothes and poetry and music. society would have me drink beer and watch football. i hate beer and football. i drink wine, listen to music, and write alot. i like to talk about how i feel. bottom line, i am who i am and i like what i like.

Ever see Jonny Wier skate? see his costumes? not exactly masculine. Sexy?
i think so. not him, the clothes. they are an expression of who he is and what he likes. i respect and admire that.

i'm just trying to be myself, regardless of others perceptions. the truth is my reality. :2c:

[Andine]

Good evening Girls.!

Great explanations ... I too like classical music and love my red wine ... in fact I'm just finishing some delightfull spaghetti bolognese, with a glass of red Sangiovesi merlot called " the Naked Owl"
I guess the answer for all of us will differ due to our levels of comitment, dependent in part on our present circumstances, and also on our physical characteristics.

When I go out Enfemme I want to look and behave as a female, and I put in a good level of effort to acheive my aim ... I study women's behaviours and actions so that I can emulate them successfully, and I practise my makeup to get it right. Life is full of little details that present a complete picture. If I do well I have a great time and get accepted as a woman, and this gives me a huge buzz. I have on occasion gone out overdone ( the Sydney Mardi Gras ) and no one really thought I was female, but they all loved what I did.
When I go out as a man I have a few girly things about me, (Like dangly earrings on the left ear ), and shoulder length hair, but that gets put down to my being excentric ... After all I'm 65 and can still do things, and don't look decrepit.
For me the current circumstances don't allow me to be female all the time, so I have to mix and match. Either way I have a good time with friends and others.
I guess I am creating an illusion to my best ability, but it is no less enjoyable.

regards

[Angela Burke]

Most definitely real but also an illusion.

[Angie G]

This girl thimg is real for me hun :hugs:
Angie

[Kate Simmons]

Both and neither Michelle. Interesting question. I sometimes refer to CDing as being an illision because genetically I'm a guy but the person that is myself is definately no illusion. Previously, before I came "out" I pretented to be someone I was really not in an attempt to be the "perfect" man, husband and father but this was really a facade and deep inside, I knew it was "wrong". I was denying my real feelings and being dishonest with myself. I had been taught that a man had to act a certain way and this was going against my grain.

After years of this and closet dressing, I could no longer do it and the time came when I had to find out who I really was. I paid a hefty price and lost my family but finally got in touch with myself and my feelings. Problem is, I love my family dearly, so this left me very conflicted and I'm still trying to pick up the pieces.

By embracing my feelings, however, and allowing myself to actually be myself and express that, I became a better and more sensitive and caring person. The last few years I've been integrating and amalgamating those feelings and the end result is a person who is real instead of an illusion. The feelings overlap and work in unison rather than against one another. Sal is definately a real person but so is Rich and sometimes it's hard to tell the difference but what is illusion really?

For myself, the illusion is what I was, the reality is who I am now whichever way I choose to express that and my presentation one way or the other simply enhances the reality.:happy:

[Carla Mel]

Illusion:

I thing there are two sex and two genres, and there is no possible bridge between them.
I don't think feminine is diferent I consider feminine is "alter" (for more information on alterity read Levinas). Something I can't understand much less be part of it.
So definitivly I impersonate, try hard to be glamourous, but am not a "reality" of the feminine, just a performance.
If I thought feminine is just diferent or if I thought there is three genres or none, or infinity of genres, if I thought me being female could be a reality, I will probably be consistent and be a transvestite or a transexual not a crossdresser.

Kisses
Carla

[Amanda Shaft]

When I dress I always dress fully, trying to project the image of a female, I always use padding and any other aid to help me achieve this illusion for an illusion it is since I am stuck with being male underneath my elaborate disguise. Yet the reason I go to these lengths is so that my outer image reflects the reality of what’s within and the only time the reality of who I truly am is displayed is when I am fully dressed. So the paradox is that the illusion is the reality.
Amanda

[erickka]

Michelle, I share your view of CDing. It is the real me. Erickka is all Erickka when she is dressed. It is the real me, and I won't ever change that for anyone....Ever.

[Carol A]

Very good question, for me it's an illusion but down deep in my heart it's reality. I started dressing in front of my mother at 14 and with my wife from day one. Now that I'm retired and the kids are all gone I want my illusion to become reality. Out of the closet and out into the world. :thumbsup:

[Tracy_Victoria]

Tracy is only an illusion, I have no wish to be female, at all, I just enjoy dressing up and creating as female an image as I can. I'm happy to use anything that will help create that illusion, but at the end of the day, I never could be a woman, nor do I want too.

[Priscilla Ann]

As I said in the other thread, for me it is an illusion. I know I am a male. When I put on women's clothes, wig, makeup, etc I know then that I am still a male pretending to be a woman. It's a variation of when I used to play army out in the woods or pretend to be a cowboy. I guess I am just not that serious about it. For me it is just a fun thing to do.

[vivianann]

for me its reality, I relate more as a woman, and other peaple see me as a woman

[Victoria Anne]

Illusion , NO , this is who I am and I thank God for a wife that understands , accepts and supports me . There is no illusion here .

[MJ]

i guess it depends on your point of view . after all you were born a male .. and you create an illusion that is "Michelle" .. "Reality" is when you take off your makeup your just one of the guys ..

"Reality" for me exactly the same .. except my label is a ts and not a cd'r..
i create my illusion to survive in the real world everyday . At the end of the day when i take it all off the Reality is i look just like you ..

no offense but when we hang around like minded souls for so long don't we tend to lose our sense of "Reality" anyway ? ... well thats my :2c:

[KandisTX]

The Illusion IS the Reality, at least for me anyway. When Kandis comes out to play, the reality is that I am creating an illusion of being femme. While I know and those that know Kandis know that I am still my male self under the clothing, they still treat me as I desire to be treated and that is to be treated as though I were in reality a woman. So, in my case, both statements are true ;)

Kandis:love:

[melissacd]

Michelle,

Great question. I used to think that it was about creating an illusion, but now that I am finally moving into my own place and can live more fully en femme that illusion may start to become much more of a reality. I will have to let you know how the experiment goes. I have never been in a situation where I could dress full time at home so that will be the acid test of whether it is just a hobby that will lose its edge once I can do it all the time or whether it becomes a bigger, deeper and more significant part of what defines me.

Stay tuned :)

Huggs
Melissa

[kaitlin]

QUOTE
(I do not see what I am doing as an "Illusion", I see it as "Reality". This is my life, and I am serious about it. When I am "Michelle", I am "Michelle" totally. I am not looking to create an illusion, true I will always be a male under the pantyhose and makeup, but inside and in my heart, I am female, I am "Michelle".)

I understand this completely! I sometimes feel that my time spent as a male is the crossdressing part of my life. Each of us have our own levels and needs, some it's for the turn on, for sex, the look....the list does on and on. For me it's who I am, what I am! I was born into the total body of a male, but with the mind and thoughts of a female, tough place to be! :straightface: Kaitlin

[kimmy p]

I have read alot on this forum and started alot of Threads and posted alot of comments over the past year since I have been on here. I have read some really good thoughts, but have read some really goofy thoughts.

My purpose for this is to see who thinks what they are doing is an illusion or is it reality. There was a Thread about a question as to why we pick a female name for ourselves, this question was asked by a GG. The thread, I think, gave her alot to think of. But one thing that struck me the most, is the comments from some of us that said "It completes the Illusion". That comment really worries me.

I do not see what I am doing as an "Illusion", I see it as "Reality". This is my life, and I am serious about it. When I am "Michelle", I am "Michelle" totally. I am not looking to create an illusion, true I will always be a male under the pantyhose and makeup, but inside and in my heart, I am female, I am "Michelle".

Kimmy is a truly androgynous person. I am the same inside no matter what I wear. While I may be a bit more on the quiet side while dressed, it’s mostly because I am more relaxed and comfortable dressed as I wish. I say illusion. Otherwise we would not have so many threads about covering beard shadow, or creating cleavage, breast forms and corsets. Unless we transition we are still physically males trying to disguise that fact. Please don’t misunderstand me; you may feel like a woman, I won’t doubt that. But we still do our best to create the “illusion” of being female.

[pamela_a]

Is there really a difference? In many cases illusion is reality and vice versa (see politicians :) )

Any questions, see my sig.

-Paula-

[docrobbysherry]

I refer to "Sherry", quite often in my posts. Because as I look at her in the mirror, or her pics, I don't see any of Robert there. She is like a exotic, alluring willo-the-whisp that appears out of nowhere! If I DO see Robert, the entire illusion of Sherry is ruined for me.
Sherry exists for and at, my pleasure. She asks for nothing, and has no ego of her own. If Sherry starts becoming a person in her own right, I think I'll be in big trouble!
RS

[Joanne f]

I am definitely real there is no illusion in what i do , mind you i expect some wish i were an illusion :D



joanne

[Deborah Jane]

What is an illusion, but making a new reality. I prefer the illusion of being Debs and as such in time i may prefer to live more as Debs. If i do decide too, then surely spending more time as Debs in the "real" world would then become my reality. At the moment living in the "real" world, acting as "one of the lads" with my friends is more of an illusion to me as i feel i am hiding my true self. So which is the illusion and which is the reality?

[Daphne7]

i did not vote in the poll since i am a GG.

I am curious if a distinction is made between CDers that name their female persona and CDers that do not.
I also wonder if a distinction is made regarding CDers who do not consider themselves to have a female persona- i.e. someone who understands society is mostly unaccepting of CDing but secretly dresses regardless because of the pull they feel to dress, yet they do not identify with female, instead they may feel like less of a man.

[Ruth]

I didn't vote because I don't see the two options as real alternatives.
I am aware, as most of you should be, that women's clothing may be worn, and often is worn, by GGs to create an illusion (particularly foundation garments). Likewise wigs (or hair extensions), pantihose, makeup, all are worn by women to create the illusion of being more youthful and feminine than the reality.
I'm not knocking this, just pointing out it's not a CD thing.

[Joanne f]

i did not vote in the poll since i am a GG.

I am curious if a distinction is made between CDers that name their female persona and CDers that do not.
I also wonder if a distinction is made regarding CDers who do not consider themselves to have a female persona- i.e. someone who understands society is mostly unaccepting of CDing but secretly dresses regardless because of the pull they feel to dress, yet they do not identify with female, instead they may feel like less of a man.

The only problem that i have with that is i do not consider myself as a CDer maybe more like a Tg so where do you draw the line ?

[Jilmac]

I'll have to agree with Dee Jay. It's definitely not an illusion when I put on my feminine clothes, but the reality is I'm still a man in women's clothes. An illusion is something David Copperfield performs on stage. Reality is that I love wearing women's clothes and don't ever want to stop. :hugs: Jill

[Kristen Kelly]

i guess it depends on your point of view . after all you were born a male .. and you create an illusion that is "Michelle" .. "Reality" is when you take off your makeup your just one of the guys ..

"Reality" for me exactly the same .. except my label is a ts and not a cd'r..
i create my illusion to survive in the real world everyday . At the end of the day when i take it all off the Reality is i look just like you ..

no offense but when we hang around like minded souls for so long don't we tend to lose our sense of "Reality" anyway ? ... well thats my :2c:

MJ Ditto for me, I too consider myself TS although not full time, my Illusion is reality. I have changed who I am, my outward appearance is more feminine no matter how I dress, my mannerisms are the same, with my own highlighted longer brown hair, and some type of hoop earrings all the time, thinned eyebrows, and gender neutral clothes, even out without makeup it's Miss or Maam often when I’m out. I’m not complaining.

[Cassy11]

When I think of the word illusion I think of trying to fool or trick someone. When I dress it's for me not anyone else. Something really wonderful happens and I love the way I feel. I don't need it 24/7, I just love the way I feel when I do it.

[NovaScotia]

I have always known that Nova was part of me, but could only come into being in infrequent, short moments of time. I felt like Nova a lot of the time, examples are shopping in stores and quietly looking at dresses, makeup,etc. When I could let Nova out, it was always in deep privacy and short duration, never really letting me experience the feelings, sensations and insights I have now. I can now at times be Nova for for a full day, and I notice that I think, act and feel more like a woman than ever before. It is not an illusion, I am then a complete person, which I have never been before. All in all, I really am happy now, and know that life will only get better.

[Dawn Marie]

I'm with you Michelle, I don't believe this to be an illusinon, but it is who I am. When I'm Dawn, I'm Dawn all the way, even in drab Dawn appears quite often.

[Sally24]

When I started going out en femme it was an illusion. I felt like a man trying to look like a woman. Now a days it is reality for me. Once I am all dressed I feel like Sally is real. It is decidedly different for me now. Alot of the time I don't even think about being out "dressed", it just seems natural at the time.

[jennifer41356]

right on girl!!!!:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

[DawnRodgers]

I almost always dress fully and completely. When dressed as Dawn I feel totally and completely feminine. Love to do the mail, write letters,pay bills, shop and cook. Feel comfortably a woman and act and speak as a woman. Definitely want to be a woman in every visual way and mannerism. Feel that is my true personality. Would love to be a woman permanantly.
Dawn

[Carla Mel]

i did not vote in the poll since i am a GG.

I am curious if a distinction is made between CDers that name their female persona and CDers that do not.
I also wonder if a distinction is made regarding CDers who do not consider themselves to have a female persona- i.e. someone who understands society is mostly unaccepting of CDing but secretly dresses regardless because of the pull they feel to dress, yet they do not identify with female, instead they may feel like less of a man.

You are probably right, but forget one important thing: the sexual arrousal, closeted "non social" crossdresser can feel the relax of not beeing a man, but can also look for a sexual arrousal. Then a crossdresser can change according to the circunstances, and can have different periods, if she meets friends, or has the chance to feel safe, a closeted cd can become social, and the opposite can happen again.

[Pamela Julie]

Michelle, I agree with you completely. Inside I am Pamela regardless of what my physical body is like. The male body is the illusion, corrected when I crossdress.

[Jenna Lynn]

For me, it is reality. This is a part of me, always has been and always will. I enjoy being able to dress in womens clothing along with just being my male self.

[tricia_uktv]

Isn't life all about creating illusions? We naturally adopt different personas (in whatever mode) for different people - so I am trying to create a soft, feminine persona for everyone. Underneath that though is the reality that I am transgendered. Good question though. So its reality thank goodness!

[Tasha T]

But one thing that struck me the most, is the comments from some of us that said "It completes the Illusion". That comment really worries me.


I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. To me, being dressed up from head to toe as a female is both illusion and reality. I use things like wigs, makeup, clothes, jewelry, breast forms, padding, etc. to create the "illusion" that I have a female appearance when in reality I don't. In reality I just look like a regular guy. However, the illusion I create represents the "reality" that I have a feminine aspect to myself that I desire to express outwardly. The "reality" of having that female inside of me necessitates the "illusion" I create to match the two and overrule my regular physical appearance. This only happens for a time, then I take everything off and go back to looking like a male.

[Michelia]

I cannot always differentiate between illusion and reality in my male world. This is even less so in my female world. In my female world I do not have to pretend anything else other than being my other self. Therefore, it is more "real" yet it is all an illusion.

Michelia

[michellebesweet]

Thank you for all of your comments so far, from all, CDer, TVs and GGs. You all have some wonderful comments and insights.

I do not agree that there are more then these choices, it is either one or the other. Its real or not. If you say it is an illusion and that illusion is reality, than you are saying its a reality, it you consider them the same. What I am curious on is the CDers that are saying its an illusion only. If it is an illusion only, then you must re-evaluated your seriousness in dressing.

Now true, some may dress for sexual purposes, some may dress just for the feeling of being fem. If that is the case, I completely understand just the fact of creating an illusion. But for those of us who dress often, go out and pass in public often, and are looking to be a female full time one day, it is reality for us.

It is a question to consider and sometimes will go very deep into your heart, mind and soul. But deep down inside of us, do we feel we are men, or women. Not outside, but inside. Then again, look at illusion vs. reality.