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Michellebej
01-04-2008, 03:04 AM
This one is gonna take awhile so get your tea and danish!

A while back a GG got a bit upset with one of us for saying that having sex with a man made them feel like a woman.

I have thought about it for a few weeks now and there is no simple answer. I guess it is important to cover a few basics before we begin.

While all of us that are MTF present ourselves as women, in one fashion or another; we do so for different reasons. Many different reasons. In fact it is this differentiation that causes us to not always understand someone else's point of view.

In its simplest terms ( of an admittedly complex issue) there are two major camps; those who "feel like women" and those who are "guys in a dress". ( and please I know there are a zillion shades in between, but; this is an attempt to describe things in the simplest terms possible).

Often times the members of the two camps have views on the same subject which are at odds with each other.

It has been shown that some of us have the brain of a woman. That is, our brains have the physical architecture of a woman's brain, which is much different than a mans.

It is my belief that most of us that "feel like women" do so because we have brains with a female architecture. Which could go a long way to explaining some of the conflict many of us have within ourselves. I.e. reconciling a female mind with a male body.

Having got to this point I would like to point out that the ONLY reason for the differentiation of the species into male and female, biologically speaking, is for procreation. Everything else is secondary from a Biological standpoint. Not procreating is an evolutionary dead end. Biologically; members of a species that don't procreate are defective and by their very actions do not pass on their genes to the next generation. ( this is NOT a value judgement on someones decision on childbearing. Just a simple biological fact. In fact those of us that are mtf can be considered biologically defective if we only have sex with men)

Our brains are like computers, in a way. Like a new computer we have huge data storage centers that are blank and waiting to be instructed. Likewise we have a motherboard with hardwired instructions. Instructions like "Breath darn it". Instructions that tell us how to react to light and sound. Instructions that give us the "fight or flight" code when trouble brews.

Instructions that tell us to have sex and keep the species alive. Think about this for a moment. If you put two people on an island from birth to death, and they never saw another human or received education of any kind ( ok, robots are taking care of them), do you believe that they would never have the urge to have sex or figure out how to do it? No, their brains provide hardwired instruction and stimuli.

Granted we have reason and self awareness and societies with artificial rules and codes of conduct. Granted that in our sociological groups we determine what is appropriately feminine or masculine. And that femininity or masculinity are not innate to any particular member of a gender, but; rather are the ideals of the majority.

Granting all this I would point out that most, if not all of us, know GGs whose entire reason for existing is wrapped up in procreation. I.e. "being a Mom". I've asked a number of the GGs I know who are in this boat, if procreation is a necessary part of being a woman. Most of them look at me as if I have asked the stupidest question in the world.

Which finally brings me to the question asked so long ago. It is my belief that those whose brains are identifiably female are more likely to have gender specific ( i.e. female) instructions hardwired into us. Now most of us have learned, via "nurture", to use the hardware we are born with. That still leaves us with an unresolved, hardwired, programing instruction to procreate with a man. Granted that we are physically incapable ( most of us) of doing that. However; I would point out that many GGs that are biologically incapable of having children still have the urge and even need to "act out" the machinations of procreation, even though the mind (software) is well aware that the procedures will be futile; in a biological sense.

As do we. Many of us fight our programing all our life. Others give in. We often do not understand these urges within ourselves. Or the reasons they exist.

I for one am two completely different people. The false masculine personality I present to the world, and real feminine me on the inside.

I remember the first time I had sex with a man. I felt more "girlie" then than I had at any time before in my life. And afterwards I talked about it with my girlfriend. I was surprised to learn that my "feelings and reactions" were exactly like hers when she lost her virginity. Strangely it bonded us even closer together.

In short some of us have the brain architecture of a woman with the associated hardwired instructions. Having sex with men gives these instructions an outlet. That outlet often triggers secondary instructions which release brain chemicals which induce pleasure, contentment, and euphoria. This temporary alignment of our brain ( female hardware and realization of hardwired instructions) and mind ( female gestalt) produce intense feelings of femininity in some of us.

Now I know I am going to have lots of people completely misread this and tell me that " real woman don't have to have sex with men, or sex at all to be real women".

Please understand I am not talking about the consensus definition of a woman, rather the base line hard wiring ( and biological reason for the existence of the sexes) we are all born with, and that most of us go through life taking for granted; if we even think of it all.

I honestly hope most of you understand the sincere attempt to answer this question for what it is. Even though many will not have the frame of reference; i.e. male body, male brain, or ; female body , female brain, to completely understand what we go through.

Love

Michelle

Nadia-Maria
01-04-2008, 04:56 AM
Your post is extremely thoughtful and had big resonances in myself. I need to think about a little before answering and be able to bring more to this very interesting opening discussion.

Hugs

Nadia

Kate Simmons
01-04-2008, 06:30 AM
Well, I for one agree that it is all "in there" Michelle by that I mean in our DNA. I have experienced all of these fellings you speak of and then some while not necessarily speaking of having sex. I do have very strong maternal feelings which I identify with, even though my body structure is not conducive to giving birth and nuturing a little one. We all have these feelings really and it is very basic to survival of the species.

It's been proven countless times that a single Dad can provide for his family by assuming both roles just as it has been proven a single Mom can and human beings are no short of amazing in this respect. It comes as no surprise then that assuming a role , such as with crossdressing or whatever would likewise bring out many of the feelings associated with that role which is already part of our genetics but which have been activated as a sort of cascade effect within us and is followed through with. No surprise, therefore,that we get the resulting effects.

My outlook on life is the result of these realizations and this is what mainly leads me to accept people as being themselves, rather than being "just" a man or woman because of the physical package. As humans we do ourselves an injustice if we do not see our full potential as human beings. This is why I look at everyone as a unique individual and value the diversity.:happy:

Michellebej
01-04-2008, 10:32 PM
Wow,

I was sooo worried that I would get lots of hate mail! Thanks everyone!

Love

Michelle

MichelleOBrien
01-04-2008, 10:35 PM
i just thought societal assumptions were flawed. It's my personal opinion that every person has both masculine and feminine in them and only the blessed and enlightened of us recognize that. Of course, that may be my vanity talking, but I still believe that ideals of masculine and feminine are nothing more than methods of control. It is also my belief that these ideals have played a major part of oppression by men (and in some cases women) towards the opposite sex. I've always known that as a general rule with very few exceptions, men and women can do basically the same things. but i'm rambling now, so have fun...

teresa jeen
01-04-2008, 10:44 PM
ive always felt a closer bond with women than men.part because of my being raised around the world,im an AF brat. we were around more feminised situations like the day care school and such. most times our fathers were doing "military"stuff and werent to be bothered.so their were a lot of "tupperware" parties and such. now 30 plus yrs later i find out the truth about them parties!!! what im saying is that i was in more of a female situation so i feel more like a woman than a man. does that make sense?

Wickanne GG
01-04-2008, 10:46 PM
:thumbsup::thumbsup:

Well done Michellebej :hugs:

Alandra
01-04-2008, 11:24 PM
Based on your post, I would recommend you start reading Robert Anton Wilson, if you haven't already. He has not much to say about cross dressing, or gender in particular (Only a little bit here or there). Perhaps you're already familiar with him. In which case, forgive me, and grant that this post is then for "the community" out there.

But your talk of hardware & software and the propagation of the species etc, really just screams Robert Anton Wilson. Check it out, people. Powerful stuff.

As for myself, I have been formulating this theory over the past several weeks. I do not especially consider myself MAN or WOMAN. Though, if you pressed me, I am a man. That's the way I was born, that's the role I was taught to play, and thusly, that's "who I am", from a societal perspective. In reality I AM AN INTEGRATED MAN. I love, respect and celebrate the feminine aspects within myself. Societal norms be damned. Often, I don't identify with those on these forums. Yet it helps just the same. They are in roughly the same predicament that I am.

Thanks for the opportunity to sound off for better or for worse. Be well, may the Gods bless, and all of that happy stuff!