Aint right

[Jill]

I've been working in youth corrections for several years and I also have a job in which I am hired to go to peoples homes and take kids to a correctional facility. It's an interesting job and my job exists because a lot of parents enroll their kids in these facilities and the parents are unable to get them there themselves so they hire two people to come to their home and move their kid to the facility. I did a job this morning where a coworker and I picked up a thirteen year old kid. As we were driving with him to the program, I was feeling confused as to why the parents of this teenager would have them removed from their home. The teenagers I work with are drug addicts, criminals who drink, self-harm or run away. Not to mention fighting, getting kicked out of school, vandalism and so on. Not to mention the mental illnesses that come with them, severe depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, bipolar disorder, OCD and even schizophrenia. This kid had none of that. He hadn't even experimented with drugs. His parents reported that he had been stealing, we asked him what he had been stealing and his answer came as a surprise. "My Uncle's girlfriends underwear."

I can't be positive, but I think that they sent him out of their home and off to a facility because he crossdresses and took some underwear. I'm not saying it's ok for him to do but it seemed to me that the parents are over reacting a little bit here. Poor kid, aint right. But I guess really it's none of my business nor is it my problem. I'm just glad that wasn't me as a thirteen year old.

[gennee]

That is over the top by the parents. I wonder if the parents have ever asked why he crossdresses? I don't know what to tell you but if somehow you can connect with the boy, it may go a long to keeping him from harm and possible reconciliation with his parents.

Gennee

:happy:

[SherriePall]

Years ago, Jill, it could have been any of us at any age when CDing was a mental illness for which any of us could have been sent away and put into an institution. It wasn't that long ago that this changed.
I'm just surprised that this happened to him and some other avenue wasn't taken instead.

[MJ]

so what will they do with this young man ? it seams very harsh treatment to be sent to a system like that for just underware ..so if the system finds out he has trans issues what are the parents going to do ? .. :eek: god i hope they don't do that to him

[terrilynn]

There is NO WAY that can be justified for taking underwear. The other kids at the facility will know why hes there, and it will be pure H**L on him. Maybe the parents should be looked into if they feel that something that strong needed to be done, they just don't want to deal with it and continue to sail 'de nial' river.

terri

[Jill]

The good news is that the staff and therapists there will not disclose this fact to the other kids but if he spills the beans himself, if that happens, yes they will eat him alive. I am actually confident that the program will work to convince the parents that this young man doesn't have any real, significant problems.

[Marvina Martian]

Wow,
You must have quite a bit of self constraint to not have said something. I know that I would. Sure, he did steal something which was wrong, but the consequences sure don't seem to fit the crime.

Just think, a kid gets traumatized for life being taken to a correctional facility for something that could most likely be corrected by his parents stepping up and doing their jobs. It would be very simple for them to actually think for a second and be a little more creative in the situation. I mean, they could be like, "you know what you did was wrong and now you need to do a bunch of community service for his uncle and girlfriend". Or how about, OK now that we know, how about you take your allowance and go out and purchase your own under ware of your own choosing.

I could go on for a long time as this kind of stuff really chaps my hide! :Angry3:

I guess if I were in your shoes I would probably have done the same thing though, I know you value your job and your livelihood too much to make public waves!
I think that I'd just be a little sneaky and start sending them as much info on crossderessing and such as I could find! (discreetly of course ;) )

Thanks for sharing this with us. It just really makes me thankful for where I am and here I have come from.

[Tamara Croft]

Well, I can only see one good thing about this really, this poor kid has got away from what I can only describe as 'unfit parents'... I mean, who sends a kid away for that? I feel sorry for him :(

[Celeste]

Isn't it appalling that parents in this age resort to a 1950's style solution. Yea the parents need counseling alright.It sounds like a misguided attempt to try to humiliate him out of doing it again.These folks have been isolated in the country with only a radio or something.

[Jilmac]

Hi Jill, another Jill here, that could have been me back in the 50's and 60's when I would "borrow" panties from clotheslines and "forget" to return them. My parents were more compassionate, they knew I was up to something when they found panties under my matress, but because I had three older sisters, my mom just thought the panties were theirs. I was always being "warned" to not "fool around" when everybody else was gone.

I certainly hope things turn out good for the boy. Is there any sort of intervention that you could do without violating your work rules? I think the boy needs an advocate, and who better than a person who knows first hand what he's up against? I pray that other inmates at the facility don't find out about his wearing panties, or he will surely become a victim of sexual misconduct perpetrated by the corrupt correctional system. My:2c: Jill

[battybattybats]

Is it possible for you to make a mention of the situation to a reasonable superior who might be able to do something about it without risk to your job?

I'd think having contact with the kid etc as some are suggesting might be considered worse on professional ethics standards while passing a concern to a superior should be part of your duty-of-care (not that it always works that way alas).

[rachel_rachel]

Well, I can only see one good thing about this really, this poor kid has got away from what I can only describe as 'unfit parents'... I mean, who sends a kid away for that? I feel sorry for him :(


What!
I don't endorse in any way shape or form stealing... in fact ask my step son what happened when he got caught...
My wife marched him straight to the police station for a talking to. Does that my wife and i unfit parents? I think not.


As far as being sent away to a correctional facility for a seemingly petty crime.. think about those in England 250 odd years ago, they were sent away alright... to Australia. This would hopefully only be seen as an "eye opening" experience.

[battybattybats]

What!
I don't endorse in any way shape or form stealing... in fact ask my step son what happened when he got caught...
My wife marched him straight to the police station for a talking to. Does that my wife and i unfit parents? I think not.


As far as being sent away to a correctional facility for a seemingly petty crime.. think about those in England 250 odd years ago, they were sent away alright... to Australia. This would hopefully only be seen as an "eye opening" experience.

There is a big difference between a talking to at a police station and being sent to a correctional facility. I certainly don't have a problem with your action.

And they only sent people to Australia when the prison hulks were too full. When here they had many years of near slavery as punishment or 'convict labour' as they referred to it then. Of course we also executed people or whipped them as punishment and had other barbaric inhumane and unjustifiable things back then.

Sure theft is a crime. While kids don't feel able to buy their own clothes a utilitarian ethics argument could be made that it is not a great wrong, similar to stealing bread to feed starving children 200 odd years ago.

Most of us 'borrow' our first clothes. If we were allowed to feel comfortable enough to buy them from the outset I think few would have done that 'borrowing'.

The best argument against stealing is simple. You wouldn't like people stealing your things now would you!

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

ummmm hello hes 13 and horny as hell did anyone think maybe he has a crush on this female and hes takin her panties to just jack off with them?????? and NOT wearing them????? no one will find out till they sit him down and ask...:2c:

[Tamara Croft]

What!
I don't endorse in any way shape or form stealing... in fact ask my step son what happened when he got caught...
My wife marched him straight to the police station for a talking to. Does that my wife and i unfit parents? I think not.


As far as being sent away to a correctional facility for a seemingly petty crime.. think about those in England 250 odd years ago, they were sent away alright... to Australia. This would hopefully only be seen as an "eye opening" experience.You have got to be kidding me!!! I don't think you can even COMPARE marching someone to the police station to putting a kid in jail!!! Seriously!!! what planet are you living on? and we AREN'T in England 250 years ago, get with the program... That kid has been sent to jail for something petty... it is going to have an affect on him for years!!! His parents should be locked up... I am a parent, I have 3 children and I would NEVER dream of doing something like that to them... marching kids to a police station to make a point? your own parenting skills must seriously SUCK if you had to resort to that :mad:

[Shelly Preston]

What!
I don't endorse in any way shape or form stealing... in fact ask my step son what happened when he got caught...
My wife marched him straight to the police station for a talking to. Does that my wife and i unfit parents? I think not.


As far as being sent away to a correctional facility for a seemingly petty crime.. think about those in England 250 odd years ago, they were sent away alright... to Australia. This would hopefully only be seen as an "eye opening" experience.

This kid is 13 I dont see him going into store to buy panties

He did not steal from a washiing line he did not steal from a shop
he took a chance on not getting caught by family and suspected they would try to understand

Did they

Sorry son we are going to lock you up

I am glad they are not my parents how would you feel

Worse than a unwanted dog I would imagime

I bet the parents consider themselves as educated :Angry3:


I just hope the program does its job and educates them and not the kid

[rachel_rachel]

You have got to be kidding me!!! I don't think you can even COMPARE marching someone to the police station to putting a kid in jail!!! Seriously!!! what planet are you living on? and we AREN'T in England 250 years ago, get with the program... That kid has been sent to jail for something petty... it is going to have an affect on him for years!!! His parents should be locked up... I am a parent, I have 3 children and I would NEVER dream of doing something like that to them... marching kids to a police station to make a point? your own parenting skills must seriously SUCK if you had to resort to that :mad:


Why put things in capitals? Are you yelling to get your point across or defending your own parenting skills?:thumbsdn:


Read what i said about the "petty" crimes... Last time i heard of people being punished for stealing they were sent to jail, why is this any different?
Stealing is stealing. There are no two ways about it... I'm sure everybody has done it in some way, some just don't get caught.

[teresa jeen]

what aint right is for other people to dictate how you live your life based on a socitial preference. what i wear should in no way give other people a reason to look down on me. many people wear gothic clothing,punk clothing police uniforms, army officers. why cant i wear what i want so long as it doesnt affect any one elses life? years ago men wore frilly, feminite stuff,then all of a sudden we now cant wear things that feel good to the body and soul. if i like wearing something and am not doing anything improper in public then i should be allowed too.

[karen]

with your experience why did you not step in and explain his circumstances as you obviously know them. not meaning to sound harsh but you know wot that kid is going to go through

[Sandygal]

Yeah, you're right Rachel, they were to easy on the kid. They should have strung him up. Or better yet, send him to Iran, then they could chop his arm off. Geeezzz, I swipped panties when I was 13, probably most of us did. I'm almost 50 now and with you in charge of punishment, I might be just coming out of prison now. I'm sorry to say it, but those parents are morons and I hope the kid has a place to run to when he turns 18.

[bimini1]

...especially when girls are encouraged to wear boy styled shorts, I am just plain sick of the double standard. I heard on an old Brady Bunch this week on TV Land something about a girl being a tomboy but a boy being ready for a shrink. If I have 1 NY resolution this year it is to be strong and challenge the societal BS. Talk about your synchronistic experiences,

[Jill]

I feel the need to clarify a bit. This kid wasn't sent to a dentention center or cany kind of jail, this wasn't juvi. This is more like a therapeutic boarding school. There are staff and therapists, they go to school and have activities. Most of his peers are going to be your drug addicts and your sexually active kids. This type of facility is not meant to be a punishment, it's a correctional facility but this kid didn't seem to need correction. The main point is that he was taken from his home and his parents are the ones intiating that.

As far as standing up for him or trying to do something about it, I am powerless. I mentioned to my boss that I felt that the kid did not need to be sent to a program, just in passing while on the phone to him. Quite simply he said that it's not my business. But you know he's right, he really is. After all the time I have spent working in this field I have learned from sad experience that bad things always happen and life is not fair, at all. I have also learned that if I decide to become a one man hero and try to right all the things that I percieve to be wrong, feathers get ruffled and things can become detromental for me. I suppose I could raise a stink about this kid but what is the best that would happen? I forsee that I could potentially lose my job and the kid would still be in the program and no good has been done. That's the unfortunate thing about my line of work, sometimes when you know something wrong has happened, all you can do is turn the other way and say that it's not your problem.

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

turning the other way and saying its not my problem is why society is falling apart in this country,,,its why when all the little lovelies who r waiting for the bus in the morning in front of my house r runnin thru everyones yards,,everyone feels "its not my kid so its not my place to say/do something"
HORSE CRAP!! i called the school and the bus garage,,,

we CAN do something about stuff thats wrong and if u loose ur job over it then u can fight them for wrongfull termination

this entire posting is just my:2c:,, i could be wrong,, i have ben b4

[Jill]

With all due respect, you are wrong. You are not me, you are not in my situation, you don't know how important it is to me to keep this job, you don't know how it might affect me. With all due respect again, I get a little tired of people who don't work in this field speak from the outside as though they know everything and about the way things go, they apparently make perfect decisions and how they are always right. Your perception is limited, just as mine is. But I certainly know the situation and know my life better then you.

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

never said my world was perfect,, in fact i think the last thing i said was " i could be wrong ive ben wrong b4"

ur right u know ur situation better than the rest of us here,,,,

i just think apathy is getting out of hand in this country and its gona be its downfall.:2c:

[Jill]

I can get a little hot sometimes and I am sorry for snapping at you, but it's not apathy, it's knowing what my limits are and knowing what will accomplish something good and what will hurt me. If I didn't care, I would not have posted it in the first place.

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

:hugs: :D

[KELLYANN]

i would agree that the people that need help here are the seemingly unfit parents. set the boy down and have a little talk. to send him off to some instatution for something so petty is absurd. :sad: so sad

[battybattybats]

Would it be at all possible to anonymously leak some of the info of this situation to someone with a capacity to look into it while still protecting your job? Some sort of ombudsmen or regulatory body?

[Christine Kelly]

I agree with your perception of this situation, Jill.
It's sad, but this kid will survive.
And intervening could just make the whole situation worse;
For both you and him.
Besides, I think that you have already made a difference by
alerting your supervisor to the this kids basic good nature. :happy:

[Sally2005]

Well, not knowing the facts of the specific situation I can't say what is best for that kid. However, given the chance to talk to someone when I was younger may have allowed me to find some answers in life earlier. I hope the people who are there to help do their jobs and help him find out what he needs to know. The other thing is perhaps he didn't tell everything and there is more that happened, it may be a good thing to get him away from the parents who seem unable to deal with the situation. ... What's better staying in a poisoned environment or getting a chance to make a fresh start? I hope he doesn't learn anything or be abused by the drug and criminal types.