Middle-aged newbies?

[SiobhanW]

I find the people who come to CD'ing as adults fascinating, especially the ones well into middle-age.

Since I came to this very young, as it would seem the majority here, I'd really like to understand how people suddenly find themselves with the desire/need to do this. Feel free to explain how it happened to you, should you fit this category. :happy:

[docrobbysherry]

It never occurred to me to try on ladies things until after I was 50. However, I think I started the same way most do. Just for the heck of it, tried on some ladies things and liked how they felt and looked. Then, I went for it. Just kept trying on more things and trying to look more feminine. Culminating with Sherry, about 2 years ago.
Rs

[Diane Douglas]

I played around with dressing in my early 20's while dating my wife. I used to try on different lingerie when she was out, then the desire went away. About 5 years ago, i bought her a leather skirt and boots for Christmas. I just had to have some. Now I have shoes, boots, skirts, tops and some underwear. I think it is just my version of a mid-life crisis.

[Mitch23]

been a closet undie fetishist all my life from about 7/8 when i first tried on my mums things. remained my little dirty secret till about a year ago when i met a semi pro domme who loved to femme her men - including her hubby. she put me in a dress one day, lent me things, got me involved in makeup etc. released the genie out of the bottle and from then on i became a girl about town and never looked back at the age of 50+

Now out to my wife and spend a lot of time dressed in the community. it was in me but dormant and i discovered how much i liked it

mitch

[Brianna Lovely]

Hmmm, long story made short.
Over the last thirty years or so, I've always had some satin nighties and a few "house" dresses in the closet. I would wear them every now and then, not really knowing why. Sometimes the feeling was sexy and sometimes it was just "right". I really didn't wear my fem things more than two or three times a year.

About ten years ago, I was watching a movie, as I looked at the actress, a thought came to my mind, "I want to be that woman". Then, after a few seconds had passed, a stronger thought came to mind, "No, I am that woman". Now I was totally confused.

After about five years of inner searching and contemplation, some things became clearer. The man I had been, most of my life, was an act. I really did not feel the things that went on in my life, I just pretended. I acted like society expected me to be, never knowing who I really was.

At one point, I had sexual confusion. I felt, that because I was attracted to men, I must be Gay, but today I feel that the attraction is only natural, because I'm more gender female than male.

So, anyway, a couple of years ago, I became fully aware of my feminine traits and accepted .that I'm both feminine and masculine, in one body.

Today, I'm an old lady, but I'm doing my best to catch up, and just enjoy being myself.

[Ruth]

I've had the desire since adolescence, but never got the proper opportunity until quite recently. That's how it sort of seems to me but perhaps the desire just got stronger...

[kimberly ann487]

I may have bloomed late in life but "it" was always there !:happy:
KIM:happy:

[gennee]

For me the feeling of being different became more pronounced a few years prior to finding out that I was transgender. As a child I never had the urge to wear womens articles nor did I.

It was when I was over thirty that the feeling of being different was inside. The thought was always fleeting so I never investigated it. I felt that there was some purpose in my life different and unique from the usual. I have always like odd and unusual things and people. When I got the urge to try on my spouse's skirt, I was taken back. After some hesitation, I did it.

Instead of the urge going away, it grew stronger. It was dresses, skirts, panties and blouses. I was hooked. After some counseling, I realized that I was a crossdresser. After several weeks of struggle, I accepted the fact that I like to wear womens' clothing. All the tension and struggle disappeared and I haven't looked back.

Gennee:happy:

[LisaRaye]

for me it was when i was eight went to wash clothes with my moms and while folding the cothes i picked up a pair of her pantyhose and got excited did understand way. so i started putting on her pantyhose every now and then till i was about 12 and stopped doing it for a while. a couple a year go by and the thought hit me again so i started doing it again, this time pantyhose and panties did that for awhile. now at the age of 35 i am a full blow girl at home you name it i got it and i love being a woman. but i work as a guy though.

[Elizabeth Ann]

It was all about sexual stimulation. I can remember only one odd episode in my youth in which women's lingerie played a part as an aid to masturbation. I still consider my crossdressing to be fetish related.

As an adult a number of factor culminated in this development. Some physical problems for my wife caused our sex life to cool considerably, such that the great majority of my sex life was taking place alone in the shower. Sexual fantasies began to play a more prominent role. Among my favorites were submission fantasies, often involving humiliating feminization.

Back when I believed that the world could be a better place, I used to work a lot in developing countries. This often involved trips alone of about 3 weeks. I think probably during one of my lost luggage trips, I bought my first panties. I would buy a package, wear them during the trip, and then toss them.

Eventually, when I wasn't traveling so much, I asked my wife to participate in some D/S fantasies, sometimes involving my wearing panties. She agreed, but was unenthusiastic, except for the maid's work.

A few years ago, I started acquiring more women's clothing, and enjoy dressing up when alone. I don't really know why. I enjoy looking at it in the mirror, but an episode culminates in masturbation only about 20% of the time now. Often, I just dress and go about my business (consulting), changing back to male before everyone comes home. I don't particularly feel like a woman.

My wife is aware of this, but not involved. As a not very religious liberal, she has no intellectual objection, but I think she perhaps feels threatened by it.

I myself don't have a clue why I do it. As I have endeavored to live a life of reason and logic, this is very disconcerting.

Elizabeth

[Elizabeth Ann]

This is it????

There are only a handfull of adult-onset crossdressers on this site? All of you are making me feel very odd again!

Seriously, life is all about growth and change, often profound change, in your politics, profession, spousal relationships, even sexual preference. Is it really true that practically everyone on this site knew they wanted to cross dress from the day they got in their sister's laundry?

Aren't there some of you that can at least tell me, "I fooled around a few times going through puberty, but didn't really take it seriously until my midlife crisis."

Come on, guys and gals, I'm feeling pretty lonely.

Elizabeth

[Jennaie]

This is it????

There are only a handfull of adult-onset crossdressers on this site? All of you are making me feel very odd again!

Seriously, life is all about growth and change, often profound change, in your politics, profession, spousal relationships, even sexual preference. Is it really true that practically everyone on this site knew they wanted to cross dress from the day they got in their sister's laundry?

Aren't there some of you that can at least tell me, "I fooled around a few times going through puberty, but didn't really take it seriously until my midlife crisis."

Come on, guys and gals, I'm feeling pretty lonely.

Elizabeth

Good point that you bring up about mid-life. I think this may very well be what brings some into dressing at middle age. I think that perhaps a combination of a drop in testosterone and perhaps hormone imbalance can attribute to this.

As for me, I have to admit that although I have always found women sexually attractive, I always fancied the girls and wanted to be accepted in their circle more so than the guys.

[Tina Dixon]

All ways had a thing for female clothing but it's the computer age that opened the world of CDing to me.

[DanaJ]

I always had an interest, but I just thought I was the weirdest thing in the world, so I surpressed it. I always tried to trick or lose bets to girlfriends to get dressed up, it very rarely worked.

When I reached my mid-40s, I decided I wasn't getting any younger, and I wasn't going to waste my life with what might-have-been. So, I shaved off the lip fuzz, and started practicing - and like Tina said above, the Web helped a lot to let me know I wasn't alone. And this forum has been the biggest factor over 3 years ago when I joined.

[Melissa Cross]

I am one of those newbie CDs who starting dressing in my mid 40s. Looking back now, I realize I have always had the desire to dress but only in the last few years have I started dressing regularly. My desire to dress really started 5 or 6 years ago when my wife painted my toenails...and I loved it. I can remember trying on pantyhose when I was a teenager and I can remember dressing as a girl for Halloween many years ago. Until the last few years, it never went any further than that.

I cannot state why I didn't start dressing at an earlier age but I do regret now that I didn't.

Melissa

[soccervixen]

It never occurred to me before I tried it with some clothes of my wife's and some of her panties one weekend when she was gone, at age 47 (she is my height). I enjoyed the sensation, did it some more over the next few months when no one was home (teenage sons), found this site, began to understand the range of people who are TS/TV/CD (me - definitely just CD), then began to buy my own clothes, shoes, undergarments, realizing these feelings weren't just for a month, but were now part of me.

Initially my wife seemed fine - she even bought me a special box in my closet for my panties, and shopped with me for some. Now she's pretty cool to it, knowing that I do it when she is not home (that is probably why she always calls to let me know she's on her way, so I can change). But she doesn't encourage or want to see me dressed.

Now it is not an obession with me, but something I enjoy - love the sensations and looks of the fabrics & clothes - especially a good skirt with hose and heels. I am one of those who has begun questioning a lot of social mores on clothing and shoes - why can't men wear a nice gold lame top with low rise pants and some silver 4" heels? Why is that only female? I can't change society, so I enjoy what I can. Women get all the good clothes!

The sexual stimulation has been minimal for me, almost non-existent - not an issue at all.

[Christina Louise]

Only occasionally toyed with xdressing over the years but it must have been in the back of my mind most of the time because the first time I told anyone (unfortunately when drunk) I hadn't been active for 15 years.

In 2005, aged 49, when I was losing weight , getting closer to average, I just thought 'why not give it a try?' and got the nerve to go into high street shops to buy clothes and makeup, and with a cheap wig I dressed fully for the first time - I felt wonderful. But guilt and an increasing waistline eventually got to me and I had a purge.

Now aged 52 and dietting again (16 lbs after 2 weeks, only 50 to go), the urge to start dressing is stronger than ever, and so with the experience of last time combined with the support from a great site like this (I didn't have internet back then) I have decided that I will dress when my weight has dropped a bit more, and I'll also consider contacting other girls in the area instead of keeping it all to myself. (Incidentally, today I've taken my first 2 baby steps on the road back to being totally Christina)

[janie2261]

I wish I had started earlier, much earlier. I guess I was preoccupied with starting a career and a family. If I had it to do over again, I would be a teen-age CD'er and enjoy the heck out of it.

I guess I have always had the urge, but I supressed it as something that was just too weird and unacceptable.

Now I know how healthy and fun it is. Don't we all wish we could take what we know now and go back and relive our younger years?

[Raquel June]

I guess I don't really go around asking CDs when or why they got into it, so I don't know a lot of their histories, but it does seem to come up now and then when you're hanging around a bar in a skirt.

There are a lot of CDs out there who are older. In a club, I always see that the average CD is much older than the average person in the club.

I still get the feeling that it's something that's always been there for them, though. I think what happens is that people are growing and don't understand their feelings. When you don't understand yourself or your life, you tend to do what you think you're supposed to do, or what everybody says is what will make you happy. So, like anyone else, CDs tend to get into a relationship with a woman and/or do other normal things. Eventually they understand how much they want to be feminine, and then they start obsessing over it, and then they decide they have to find a way to express it.

While it's something that's always been there, it doesn't tend to get expressed until later in life.

When I was little (about 5 to 11), I prayed to become a girl when I felt like my life was terrible (I guess I thought that would change things). I put on my mom's clothes when nobody was around, but that wasn't very often. When I was older, when my girlfriend left clothes at my place I would often try them on when I was alone. I'm 32 now. I was with the same woman from the time I was 19 to 31. I didn't so much feel like I was a woman trapped in a man's body, and I didn't want to hurt the relationship. But now I've got my own place and no serious relationship going on.

So I've gone out and bought a lot of clothes and makeup. I guess that makes me an older newbie, but I'm the same person I was when I was 5. Actually, there are some really cute pictures of my brother dressing me up in my mom's wig and putting makeup on me when I was about 3-4...

I've talked to a lot of CDs who would tell you that they've always felt the same, they just didn't realize it until they got divorced. I know a lot of divorced (or married and in a bad relationship) CDs, and they seem pretty normal to me. On the other hand, the CDs I know who have a good relationship with their wives (and the wives know about the dressing and are cool with it) have generally been swingers and/or married to women who were sexually abused.

[Donna Marie]

I've told my story before, but here goes again... I liked trying on my aunt's shoes when I was 5 or 6, but never considered dressing up beyond that until I was 63. I had just separated from the missus and was in a Sam's Club where I saw a gg in 4" black stiletto heels strutting effortlessly along. Later at home, I did some"research" on high heels on the web. One of the sites sold high heels in large sizes and had a chart showing the relationship between men's and women's sizes. I immediately sent for a pair of their most outrageous 4 3/4" sandals. Then I figured I needed to shave my legs to make it feel right. Pretty soon I discovered all the CD websites and I was hooked. Got a wig, makeup, clothes, and all within a few months. The first time I saw myself in the mirror with the wig and makeup it was like I had found my other self that I never knew was there. Oh, the sandals? They about crippled me - I still can't wear anything much higher than 3". I've been to one Tri-ESS meeting, one local Asheville gender group meeting, met another CD in a distant town for a mall stroll and dinner, and ventured outside at home a few times before it all got built up and inhabited in my development. Since then I slunk back into my lair and have not had the courage to get out in recent years (sigh).

[Raquel June]

I immediately sent for a pair of their most outrageous 4 3/4" sandals.

Oh, that must've been awhile ago that you came out. You know, these days you have to be close to 6" to qualify as outrageous. :D

[Veronica 1]

I wold slip into a pair of panties once in a while while growing up for the sexual thrill but never any farther. In May of 07 I picked up a maniquin to use as a photo model for a wedding that I was to shoot in July. It came with a wig but no clothes so I went to the thrift store and bought a full slip to dress it in. Soon, the compulsion came across that I had to try the slip and wig on, with panties of course. It felt so great! Soon after this, I found a bra and stuffed it with cotton balls. Then I found this site and the truth came crashing down on me as I realized that I was a crossdresser and I was not alone. Now I have my silicone forms, a drawer full of panties, bras, and hose. There is a closet full of dresses and skirts and I am loving every minute of it. I am 51.

[teresa jeen]

we are from the moment of conception, now a days,to be a boy or a girl. from our moment of awakening so to speak,were taught to be one or the other.no matter our feelings. my feeling is id rather be allowed to wear what i want when i want and where i want . what is the harm, so long as ""your not offended"". as they would say, balderdash.

[flatlander_48]

As usual, Truth is stranger than Fiction...

About a month ago, I had my 59th birthday. So, yes, this is a late-in-life deal.

I remember being fascinated by old high heels that my mother had stored in the attic. These were ones that were left over from the 40's and were heavy enough to be used as weapons. When I was 10 or 11, my shoe size was nearly as large as her's, so it wasn't much of a stretch.

Not much after, I discovered a stash of old bras and panties. I was hooked at that point as there was nothing comparable in texture that I could wear; legitimately anyway. However, by the time I got to high school these urges were pretty much gone. In retrospect, I think my desires did not just fade away; they were suppressed.

So, as a dutiful and respectful son, I finished college and got married a year after graduation. Two kids and 30 years later, we separated. For some time I thought that I was gay, but I eventually figured out that I was really bisexual. But, this is not really what my ex-wife signed up for. Over time the relationship soured enough that we lived on different floors in the house. While my ex-wife was trying to sort out what to do and where to go, I got involved with the woman that eventually became my second wife. But, don't misunderstand; the first marriage had many other problems beyond my being bi. We just reached a point where neither of us was really interested in helping, caring for or supporting the other. So, my final act was moving her to Tennessee (loading furniture, driving the truck, etc.).

When my 2nd wife and I were dating, I surprised her and bought a pair of bodystockings. She tends to be very tactile and just loved the texture of the material. Needless to say, the sex was amazing!. A few weeks later, I bought a bra and things sort of took off from there. I'd visit on weekends and I would underdress when we went out in the small town where she lived.

All together, my 2nd wife has been very supportive. The only time, so far, that I have gone out completely dressed was at her insistence. On Halloween a few years ago, a movie about drag kings was shown on the Cornell campus. Admission was free if you crossdressed. No 2 ways about it; my wife said that we have to go! At this point, I have to ask a question: How many wives would go to such a function dressed as a ballerina with a strap-on under her tutu? Lavender, at that!!!

So, in current time, it continues to be serious fun. I mean, how many guys get felt up by their wives and then be told that "...they're just too perky. You need Old Lady boobs."?

Who Knew?

[Carla4Guage]

I am one of the few who will admit I never had a cross dressing event in my youth. I had no sisters, only two younger brothers. I would see my mother’s clothes when they were in the laundry or drying on the clothes line, but never thought to try them on.
A year and ½ ago I purchased some sexy things for my wife, but she would rarely wear them. She thought she looked to fat to wear them. I tried to tell her it wasn’t how she thought she looked in it; it was how I thought she looked in them, but to no avail.
One day I decided if she wouldn’t wear them I might try them on, don’t ask me the logic of it, I can’t to this day explain it, to her, to a therapist we talked with or even to myself. Bottom line a bomb went off in my feelings and I have progressed to a crossdresser with many outfits and one who has now even made some shopping trips in fem. Where is this going? I don’t know but I love the ride.

[shirley1]

if theres any sexual turn on involved in dressing i think you would know early on in adolescence - that can develop into more as you get older - thats what happened in my case - now i have a combination of both personal need and the turn on - but i guess if its more of just a personal need you develop maybe not everyone finds out about it till later in life - i mean maybe some guys never find out how much cding can do for them - just a theory could be wrong !

[natasha]

I always somehow knew, but never really acted on it. Sure i tried on my stepmoms things but it never went any further. With my first wife in my early 20's I again tried on some things and actually created a small stash (wonder if she ever found it???) though I only put them on in very rare occasions. I can vividly remember watching girls, while growing up, and women in later years liking what they were wearing and wondering how it would be to wear it myself. Again, never really acted on it. About 2 years ago at halloween my wife suggested i "dress up".........bada bing bada bang!!!! Not only did I realize how comfortable I was, she did also. So why did I wait so long?? I would have to say circumstances I guess. I wish those circumstances would have come sooner, but at least I can dress now.

[Andine]

When we lived in a small town in australia in the 50 s. life was pretty miserable as foreigners were not accepted easily. My Mother who was a really good portrait painter was of the Polish nobility and had problems getting on with the "Peasants" ... That made it pretty impossible. She colected used clothes to send to poland, for those who could not afford things after the war. I tried some of them on and loved it .. I was about 10 to 12 then.

Life got busy with me and I forgot all about that stuff untill I was close to my 30's ... Society was getting much more permissive and 'Flower children' were everywhere. There were even high heeled shoes for men ... I got a pair and a one peice suit thingy and used to wear it at the nightclub in Thredbo ( Ski resort ) where I was a volunteer ski Patroller.

Life rolled on and I worked, and skied and canioned etc and I never had time time to spare. I was always attracted to shiny , tight , colourfull, but mens stuff became more and more drab. When "Grease " came on I identified wth the heels and black tights! Wow!!
That set me back on my heels! I got a pair of black lycra tights, but would never be seen in them .... used to wear them fishing in the bush ... they felt great on, and they were actually practical! Kept the mossies off, would dry in an instant, slid well thru thick scrub. When I went canyoning I wore them under the wet suit .... So eventually I would do the walk in and out in lycra and the canyon with the wet suit over ... didn't have to take as much gear, and didn't get sunburned either.
last few years started to fantasise about dressing in fluffy stuff, and then a friend had a 50th Birthday party in the ski resort in mid winter, and we all had to come as girls .... I had the best legs there in the 5" red heels I bought ( in size 13 ) I had an incredible time and felt really natural. I walked up to a lifty at the end of the bar, where some of them had gathered to criticise us weird folk, put my hand, with huge red nails on his shoulder, and felt him stiffen, and I said looking down " every time I look at my legs I get Horny!!"
he thought that was a good comment and it broke the ice , and they joined in too!

That was about 10 years ago ... and I have now embraced what is in me, and am loving it!

regard
PS this was that night!!

[akaCathy]

I was always been interested in women's clothing, undergarments and shoes. As a kid I tried on mom's bra and panties, but didn't pursue it. When I married the first time, I encouraged my wife to buy lingerie and heels, but the requests fell on deaf ears. I couldn't understand her not wanting to dress that way. A second marriage and a more earth-mother type. I love her dearly and forever, but her choice in clothing often astounds me.

Now in my fifties and with the aid of the Internet, I've discovered crossdressing. The light came on. I felt empowered to buy and wear the type of clothing I've always wanted a woman to wear. I am an age-appropriate dresser on the outside with a little flair and color underneath. I've opened a door and lifted a weight from my heart. I don't dress as often as I would like, but more and more I'm comfortable as me. My desire now is to be the most feminine I can be.

Hugs to all,

aka Cathy

[Joy Carter]

Ive always been a girl on the inside. Now I can dress like one on the outside, without feeling the shame I once felt. BTW I fifty eight years young.

[SarahHall]

I never had the urge or even thought about it unitl I was dating a girl in college. We lived together and she had very sexy panties and lingerie and nylons and one day I slipped on apair of her panties and shear nylons and a pair of her pumps and it was all over. :hugs:

[Stiletto]

I started in my late 30's.

I would occasionally try on my wife's bra, panties etc. but it never went past that. I thought about it a lot and would play with her makeup here and there but never figured it would go anywhere. Truth be told, I had found the internet by this point and found a few crossdressing sites and was fascinated by the transformations. So the seed was there.

Fast forward a few years and on Halloween day she asked if we were going to dress up. I never had much interest in dressing up of any kind for Halloween but when she suggested that I wear her wedding dress, I agreed. Talk about a rush! She did some makeup, stuffed the bra, threw on a bad wig and that was it. I loved it! The feeling and sound of the dress made as I moved around along with the scent of the makeup was intoxicating. So much that I found it hard to sleep that night as I couldn't get it out of my mind.

My wife and I are very close and we share everything but telling her I wanted to try this again and how exciting it was for me was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. She didn't understand it but she said it was fine with her. I ordered a pair of heels online (5" leather thigh high boots!) and I actually bought a PVC skirt in person (I was shaking I was so nervous). It took a few days but I finally gained the courage to tell her what I bought and then it happened - the talk. Was I gay, did I want to be a girl etc. A few tears were shed, everything was in the open and it was fine from there on out. At first it was just the heels, hose and a skirt. She didn't want me to go any further. She still wanted her man. And I accepted that, this was all new to me too.

But after a few years, a gradual buildup of clothes, shoes and better understanding of crossdressing and what it really means to me, I now dress a few times a month (just around the house with no desire to venture outside) from head to toe with full makeup. That's quite a progression - and my femme wardrobe now takes up a lot more room!. It was a slow and steady climb and one that we both figured out things together.

10 years a go I would have never believed you if you told me I would be putting on my own makeup, that I'd have my own evening gown, that I would own more skirts than my wife and that I'd have a closet full of high heels in my size. No way.

I still don't always understand why I do it but I'm genuinely happy I discovered it and that I had my wife with me through it all. If I jumped right in at the beginning, who knows how she would have accepted it. Who knows how I would have accepted it?

Would things have been different if this happened 10 years earlier? That's hard to say because in my case it was a journey for 2 people. We learned together. And I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm pretty lucky and I'm not stopping anytime soon.

But now that I think of it, I do remember wearing my sister's white high heeled go-go boots from the 70's a few times as a kid.......hmmmm?

[Sam-antha]

My memory opf so long ago is never that good, but I can say that it was neither an adolescent nor a childhood thing. My family were not involved and I was probably around 35+ and lliving alone, when I somehow started dressing. Maybe I was looking for fem support/ company.
Why I know not, but I enjoyed ti. It took a while before I got around to getting fully dressed and out in the street, after all in those days it was asking for a job losing rep. But walking out was an obvious next step and I went out.
No clubs then.
I did not associate sexually with female when I was out and still do not, except in terms of the clothes I wear and it is not a pretend thing when I am out.
Ach, dresing just felt to be like a good thing to do with all those clothes, so I just did it. Anyway there is such a wonderful choice in the clothing line for us folk now that it may be a reason for some of the younger members to be so involved.
~Samm

[trudycd]

I can concur with your thoughts Elizabeth.... i started later on (or rather 'realised' my desire to explore my feminine side) I'm happily married with kids, I had tried my wifes panties on now and then, but was 43 before I decided I wanted to try and go further. The first time I bought some heels online, and tried them on with a short skirt and pantyhose, it was such a rush, I was hooked. I started discreetly buying pantyhose, mini dresses, a wig, and shoes (oh the shoes - the number of pairs of shoes I've bought online that don't fit - I'm working up the nerve to walk into a womans shoe shop and just tell them I'm going in for a 'drag' competition...) Its all still in the closet for me; the fear of sharing the 'rush' with my other half is sort of comparable to my fear of falling off a very high building, (one where you'd have too long to think about everything you could have done better on the way down!!) as it would be incomprehensible for her, and if it that means not doing it in the meantime, then I'll lay it down rather than hurting the people closest to me... but hey, then I pull on some pantyhose and slip on some heels, and the adrenalin is pumping, and its like a drug - and becomes a little obsessive very quickly. Ah the truth is always tough, I'm still trying to deal with whether its right or wrong... certainly after a dress up time, I feel invigorated, so I guess I shouldn't worry about it so much....

another thought - maybe being 'in the closet' is part of the rush for me... its about the closet experience I'm getting to being involved in international espionage!

[MaidInCan]

The first experience was as a 3 year old when I attended a wedding as a page boy dressed in a nice lavender satin top and bottom. Later, the only other experience with women's clothes was when I would sneak panties out of the laundry and use them to masturbate but without wearing them.
Due to my shyness around women,:o I started experimenting with a variety of femme wear to relieve sexual cravings. Ultimately, the shyness became less severe, and I got married. My wife was not understanding about the wear ( I had 2 suitcases full of undies, slips, blouses, skirts, pegnoirs etc.) and the whole lot got thrown out. This didn't bother me because with a more active sex life, I had no need for the clothes. Later over the years as the sex life waned and the stresses of the jobs I had increased, I felt the need again. After we separated, I found that cd'ng again not only relieved the sexual strain, but the more I did it, that other stresses were relieved as well. Now, I find I am comfortable generally when cross dressed and feel normal as a "woman".:happy: Some things are just the results of our environments and flourish over time.:o

[alyssalove56]

My childhood was such that I could not get in touch. As the years passed, I had some experiences that slowly opened my eyes to who I was. I had a lot of doubt about my sexuality and this hampered me further. "Out in the sticks" to dress means you are gay. I like to dress but was only attracted to females so I could not figure it out. But....
In my thirties it started with T-shirts that had flowers, etc. I started buying girl's tennis shoes becaues I have narrow feet. Once, I got some with pink, sparkling laces. They made me feel so complete I cried. Then I started buying panties. Finally, my wife got a job that required her to live out of town during the week. And I started buying jammies and jeans and so many things!
So now, thank the Lord, I know who I am.
And my darling wife is down with it 'cause she sees I'm happy and no longer restless, wondering.
This forum is so cool.

[Sarah Rabbit]

I have always had the desire to dress up since I was young, but never really acted on it except the occassional nighty or panty jaunt. I've known about my femininity for a long time, but did not understand it, so I suppressed it. as I hit my 40's the long suppressed feeling became so strong, I had to acknowlege it. Now I embrace it totally. Although I don't dress up as much now, I am at peace as I know Sarah is only a step to the closet away.

Sarah R. :bunny:

[carolinewalker_2000]

I'm sure that deep down we all knew we wanted to cross dress from an early age. However, society was much less open back then and before the internet there wasn't any easy way to share our feelings. I for one tried really hard to supress what I felt were my "freaky" desires and felt as guilty as hell if I ever gave into them.

Then came the internet and, wonder of wonders, there was a whole world of girls just like me out there. I can now be more open about myself and get enormous pleasure out of my dressing. I just wish I had been able to be be in this position at a much earlier age when I could have enjoyed wearing all the fabulous outfits you young things can get away with.