Banned from Fashion Bug

[goofus]

Oh. My. God. I just had one of the most horrible experiences of my life (so far!!) . Boy, it just doesn't pay to be afraid to buy stuff.
Anyway, so I went to Fashion Bug tonight. I knew exactly what I wanted to buy, but then I got nervous because there were too many people in the store, too many people at the cash register, etc. So I stayed there and browsed for about 20 minutes or so and ended up leaving without buying anything (can anyone guess where this story is headed?). I drove around for a bit and parked in a nearby parking lot, thinking that I might return to Fashion Bug (little did I know I'd be banned!!!) . Anyway, while I was sitting there a cop drove by and shined his light in my front window...uh oh... then he pulled up behind me. Evidently the folks at the Bug thought I was behaving suspiciously and called the police. I was made to get out of the car, had to lean spread eagle on same as I was padded down for weapons, and then was questioned extensively while they ran my ID. I told 'em the truth - that I was there to buy a dress, that I was a crossdresser, that I was too afraid to buy dress, and that I returned to the area 'cause I was thinking about going back to the Bug (big mistake!!) . After searching my vehicle for weapons I was told I was not allowed to return to Fashion Bug. Evidently they'd seen me in there before when I was too afraid to buy things and they thought I was casing the place or what have you. Holy crap. I should have just bought wanted to buy. Now I'm banned for life. What should I do? Nothing? Should I contact the store manager? Should I write the corporate HQ? Is this going down on my permanent record? Should I contact my attorney? Any and all advice would be welcomed....

[trannie T]

You might call the store manager and explain what happened. The people in the store were acting in a reasonable manner, they saw a suspicious subject and acted accordingly. As far as I know Fashion Bug is friendly to crossddressers. A man in a women's store buying women's clothing is far less suspicious than a man in a women's store not buying anything.

[goofus]

A man in a women's store buying women's clothing is far less suspicious than a man in a women's store not buying anything.

Yeah, tell me about it. Boy, I learned that the hard way!!!! :eek:

[Michelle Reilly]

I don;t think there's any real danger of it being on your record, if they didn't arrest you.

Hope it all works out OK.

[SweetCaroline]

You did nothing wrong. Your money is as good as anybodies. If they don't want your money, fine. Move on. Find someplace else to shop. As far as I know, it's not illegal to shop trans gendered.

If I were you, I'd go straight to the head of the Fashion Bug. They probably wont do anything. But at least mention it to them. Make them aware of who we are, and that we aren't going to be discouraged.

Good luck love!

[goofus]

You did nothing wrong. Your money is as good as anybodies. If they don't want your money, fine. Move on. Find someplace else to shop. As far as I know, it's not illegal to shop trans gendered.

If I were you, I'd go straight to the head of the Fashion Bug. They probably wont do anything. But at least mention it to them. Make them aware of who we are, and that we aren't going to be discouraged.

Good luck love!

I am typing an email to them right now. But, you're probably correct, they won't do anything, no one will be reprimanded, etc. After all, what do they care if they lose a few crossdressing customers? Women must vastly outnumber crossdressers as far as their customer base goes...

[Shelly Preston]

write to the store manager first expalining everything and apologising for causing them so much concern but you would like to return

Tell them this is because of the quality of the products

Hopefully they will let you return

They might suggest you ask for a particular assistant to put you at ease when you return I am sure they wont want to lose a customer

If that dont work then head office

[paulaN]

The best thing I can come up with is, the next time go dressed. Or take your money elsewhere. I am sorry to here about your experience.

[goofus]

The best thing I can come up with is, the next time go dressed.

Oh god, forget that. I was told to never set foot in there again, that I'd be considered a trespasser & subject to arrest, etc...Imagine if I came in crossdressed...they'd really flip their wigs!! (pardon the expression :) )

[goofus]

write to the store manager first expalining everything and apologising for causing them so much concern but you would like to return

Tell them this is because of the quality of the products

Hopefully they will let you return

They might suggest you ask for a particular assistant to put you at ease when you return I am sure they wont want to lose a customer

If that dont work then head office

I just don't know what to do. The cops explained that they'd had a lot of robberies in the area so that's why the staff was suspicious. I can understand that...my behavior no doubt was suspicious, from their perspective, although you'd think they might have had *some* experience with crossdressers shopping for themselves...or attempting to shop for themselves...

[Michellebej]

Goofus, Goofus; what are we gonna do with you?

Ok, first this is NOT a legal opionion. I am not a lawyer and I do not know the laws in your state.

However; I have a lot of experiance with Corporate Law Enforcement, so what I have to say is probably true.

First don't go back to that store. You have been officially warned, and unless you have something in writting from thier HQ then going there again would be tresspassing.

Second, you don't have a record. You have not been arrested. You have not gone to Court, and ; you have not been convicted.

Third; what you MIGHT have is a contact record. Meaning that for awhile your name will be on a list of people of interest for awhile.

This varies from place to place. Generally if you don't have any priors, the investigating officer isnt' going to do much paperwork on you. To much trouble. Especially if the officer believed you. ( and traffick tickets are not priors, unless you have something like vehicular manslaughter.)

In any event even that would go away in short order. Usually 90 days. Sometimes more sometimes less.

Writing an email might help. You might be surprised. I shop at a fashion bug out here and have gotten friendly with the manager. She told me that about 15 to 20 percent of her biz comes from CDs. Seems us girls are more likely to buy dresses and such than GGs.

Love

Michelle

[goofus]

Goofus, Goofus; what are we gonna do with you?

Ok, first this is NOT a legal opionion. I am not a lawyer and I do not know the laws in your state.

However; I have a lot of experiance with Corporate Law Enforcement, so what I have to say is probably true.

First don't go back to that store. You have been officially warned, and unless you have something in writting from thier HQ then going there again would be tresspassing.

Second, you don't have a record. You have not been arrested. You have not gone to Court, and ; you have not been convicted.

Third; what you MIGHT have is a contact record. Meaning that for awhile your name will be on a list of people of interest for awhile.

This varies from place to place. Generally if you don't have any priors, the investigating officer isnt' going to do much paperwork on you. To much trouble. Especially if the officer believed you. ( and traffick tickets are not priors, unless you have something like vehicular manslaughter.)

In any event even that would go away in short order. Usually 90 days. Sometimes more sometimes less.

Writing an email might help. You might be surprised. I shop at a fashion bug out here and have gotten friendly with the manager. She told me that about 15 to 20 percent of her biz comes from CDs. Seems us girls are more likely to buy dresses and such than GGs.

Love

Michelle

Michelle:
Thanks for the info! I have already written a somewhat angry email to the corporate HQ. 15 to 20 percent? I don't think it's that high at this particular store, otherwise might it have entered their minds that I might be a nervous crossdresser rather than a potential thief? This is really disappointing because this particular Fashion Bug has formal dresses and such that their other stores in the area don't carry, at least not in my size :happy:

Incidentally, there was more than one officer - there were about 5. I'm just glad they didn't give me the Rodney King treatment...they were actually pretty cool, to their credit...

[MJ]

so your fear of just buying something got you banned ? .. if you just relaxed and took what you wanted to the checkout and acted like it was for your so/gf you would have been fine. in the end you had to tell the police the truth anyway.. i am sorry you had a bad day. it could be worse ..you could be in jail :eek:

[goofus]

so your fear of just buying something got you banned ? .. if you just relaxed and took what you wanted to the checkout and acted like it was for your so/gf you would have been fine. in the end you had to tell the police the truth anyway.. i am sorry you had a bad day. it could be worse ..you could be in jail :eek:

Thanks, MJ...I know it could be *so* much worse. In this case, it was hard for me to pretend it was for my so/gf, since what I wanted to buy was a semi-formal dress. What guy buys formals for their girlfriends??? :happy:

[Billijo49504]

One thing you should reallize, there were probably only 2 or 3 young girls working the store. If they've been robbed before, they probably were scared. I would call the manager and explain and let them know you are sorry for causing trouble. and if you are not invited back, shop at another Fashion Bug. My wife works retail and they have asked ppl not to return to their store, cuz they were kreepy. JMHO...BJ

[goofus]

Goofus, Goofus; what are we gonna do with you?

Ok, first this is NOT a legal opionion. I am not a lawyer and I do not know the laws in your state.

However; I have a lot of experiance with Corporate Law Enforcement, so what I have to say is probably true.

First don't go back to that store. You have been officially warned, and unless you have something in writting from thier HQ then going there again would be tresspassing.

Second, you don't have a record. You have not been arrested. You have not gone to Court, and ; you have not been convicted.

Third; what you MIGHT have is a contact record. Meaning that for awhile your name will be on a list of people of interest for awhile.

This varies from place to place. Generally if you don't have any priors, the investigating officer isnt' going to do much paperwork on you. To much trouble. Especially if the officer believed you. ( and traffick tickets are not priors, unless you have something like vehicular manslaughter.)

In any event even that would go away in short order. Usually 90 days. Sometimes more sometimes less.

Writing an email might help. You might be surprised. I shop at a fashion bug out here and have gotten friendly with the manager. She told me that about 15 to 20 percent of her biz comes from CDs. Seems us girls are more likely to buy dresses and such than GGs.

Love

Michelle

So do I just give up on ever setting foot in this store again, or do I speak to the store manager and try to get back in their good graces?

[goofus]

if you are not invited back, shop at another Fashion Bug.

Ah, but therein lies the problem. I would gladly shop at another Fashion Bug, but this particular one has stuff in my size that the others around here don't.

[goofus]

Let it be G - use online shopping - at Sears you can arrange to pick up your order at any Sears you want, have it sent to any address you want or have it sent to your home.
It come sin generic grey plastic but does have a computerized saled tag that lists the items - albeit fine print.

With all your online shopping options - no need for this to happen ever again.

Chalk it up to bad luck and a bad experience on a bad day.

( My pet peeve is the pink Panther long line... you find all your dainties , there is no one at the till or even in sight - but somehow by the time you get to the till there are 7 middle aged women all with panties and all looking at your arms full of lace garments... all wondering : what is he doing here?... 15 minutes later as the lead lady does here returns you have not moved and more women move in behind you)

Well, frankly, I'm not going to let this experience make me afraid to shop in stores. If anything, I'm going to be more afraid of seeming suspicious than I am of just going up and buying what I want...

[Michellebej]

Hoosier Sister, ( hey I like that!)

If you can contact them by email then go for it. But; make sure that if they do give you permission you carry a copy of it in your purse when you go in. That way if you get a clerk that did not get the memo (litterlly) then you will be safe.

Love

Michelle

[goofus]

Hoosier Sister, ( hey I like that!)

If you can contact them by email then go for it. But; make sure that if they do give you permission you carry a copy of it in your purse when you go in. That way if you get a clerk that did not get the memo (litterlly) then you will be safe.

Love

Michelle

Hell, I'll talk to the manager on the phone, I don't care...I just wonder if it's worth the effort...

[Stephenie S]

Goofus, you have been given pretty good advice already. I would add just a couple of things.

1.) Geez! You idiot! Don't you listen to anyone??? Shopping is NOTHING to be ashamed of. Fashion Bug is EXTREMELY CD friendly!! You should just go in, pick out what you want, pay for it, and leave. Skulking about!! My goodness, dear. No wonder you got in trouble. I hope you learned a good lesson. I hope everyone who reads about this learns a good lesson. JUST SHOP!!! Don't be afraid.

OK hon. That was all said with a big smile and a warm friendly hug, sweetie. Please don't be offended. I was there once myself. :hugs:

2.) This is the serious part. Do you want to go back to this same store? You probably can, but you will have to write (not email) or TALK on the phone, with the store manager. APOLOGIZE for your silly behavior, explain who you are (identify yourself), tell them what you want, and why you acted that way. Ask if you can please return at a time when the manager is present. Tell the manager you want to spend money, and open a charge acount.

If you really want to shop there, I am sure they will let you back.

I agree that writing corporate headquarters will probably not result in any action. Dealing DIRECTLY with the store manager on a personal basis will work if you sincerely want to shop there.

Otherwise (and this would be my advice), move on. There are PLENTY of retail women's clothing stores and other Fashion Bugs. Try Dress Barn too. They are also CD friendly.

Now hon, How DO you shop for women's clothes? OK, here's how. When the SA comes up to you and says, "May I help you?" You smile (a nice friendly smile) and say, "Yes". Got it? you say, "Yes, you can help me".

Then you tell the SA what you are shopping for. Don't forget to smile. That's it, hon. That's all you do. Simple. The SA is a pro. That's what they do for a living. They see lots of CDers in Fashion Bug and Dress Barn. It's easy to assume that you are the only one when you are just starting out, but you aren't. There's thousands of us everywhere. Where do you think we get our clothes? We buy them. Yup! We buy them. Remember, the SA are professionals. They do this for a living. They see people all day long who want to buy stuff. You are just one more person who wants to buy stuff. They sell stuff. Go with the flow. Relax. It's actually quite fun.

Alright dear. There you have it. Now go out and shop. And don't forget to smile.

Lovies,
Stephenie

I shopped our local Fashion Bug in drab many times. I actually opened my charge acount there before I started shopping "dressed".

[Samantha B L]

Hi Goofus, I don't think you did anything wrong. People have a right to meander in and out of businesses without buying anything as long as they're not shoplifting or up to anything off the wall or dangerous. I mean,it can take several excursions of up to a half hour at a time for the average person,crossdresser or otherwise,to get the general layout and distribution and departmentalizing of what a shopping center or shopping mall business is selling. And their prices and whether or not the place is nearing lunch hour or closing and if it's too crowded at this or that time of day to bother with making a purchase. I've had a couple of experiences like this and I just pointed out to those people that I won't know what to buy or even if I can afford the items if I can't have a long minute or 2 to look through stuff! Most businesses nowadays are CD freindly and if they are not really out and out freindly,for instance if they are sort of like sarcastic and reserved,they are at least accepting,shall we say. As Kellyanne has suggested,online shopping is a very good thing if you have a way to arrange it all and pull it off. You could try contacting corporate HQ for Fashion Bug. I thought they were CD freindly.

[goofus]

Goofus, you have been given pretty good advice already. I would add just a couple of things.

1.) Geez! You idiot! Don't you listen to anyone??? Shopping is NOTHING to be ashamed of. Fashion Bug is EXTREMELY CD friendly!! You should just go in, pick out what you want, pay for it, and leave. Skulking about!! My goodness, dear. No wonder you got in trouble. I hope you learned a good lesson. I hope everyone who reads about this learns a good lesson. JUST SHOP!!! Don't be afraid.

OK hon. That was all said with a big smile and a warm friendly hug, sweetie. Please don't be offended. I was there once myself. :hugs:

2.) This is the serious part. Do you want to go back to this same store? You probably can, but you will have to write (not email) or TALK on the phone, with the store manager. APOLOGIZE for your silly behavior, explain who you are (identify yourself), tell them what you want, and why you acted that way. Ask if you can please return at a time when the manager is present. Tell the manager you want to spend money, and open a charge acount.

If you really want to shop there, I am sure they will let you back.

I agree that writing corporate headquarters will probably not result in any action. Dealing DIRECTLY with the store manager on a personal basis will work if you sincerely want to shop there.

Otherwise (and this would be my advice), move on. There are PLENTY of retail women's clothing stores and other Fashion Bugs. Try Dress Barn too. They are also CD friendly.

Now hon, How DO you shop for women's clothes? OK, here's how. When the SA comes up to you and says, "May I help you?" You smile (a nice friendly smile) and say, "Yes". Got it? you say, "Yes, you can help me".

Then you tell the SA what you are shopping for. Don't forget to smile. That's it, hon. That's all you do. Simple. The SA is a pro. That's what they do for a living. They see lots of CDers in Fashion Bug and Dress Barn. It's easy to assume that you are the only one when you are just starting out, but you aren't. There's thousands of us everywhere. Where do you think we get our clothes? We buy them. Yup! We buy them. Remember, the SA are professionals. They do this for a living. They see people all day long who want to buy stuff. You are just one more person who wants to buy stuff. They sell stuff. Go with the flow. Relax. It's actually quite fun.

Alright dear. There you have it. Now go out and shop. And don't forget to smile.

Lovies,
Stephenie

I shopped our local Fashion Bug in drab many times. I actually opened my charge acount there before I started shopping "dressed".

Stephenie, I don't know where you live, but I live in a somewhat backward, conservative area. I'm really not sure that CD's are flooding this store, otherwise would they have been so suspicious of me? Also, I probably would have gone in and bought what I wanted and not skulked about IF THERE HAD BEEN FEWER PEOPLE IN THE STORE. As it was, the place was hopping, and that made me a little nervous and afraid that I'd be made fun of, ridiculed, etc. There were ... a lot of ... African American women in the store...and...I know this is racist on my part, but it seems like some African Americans are less inhibited about saying whatever's on their mind, so I was afraid that that was what was going to happen when I bought my purchase up to the till. So there's another angle on this saga for ya...it was racist of me to assume that I'd be ridiculed, I admit, and that was part of my problem...and even if they *did* ridicule me, so what, right?

[Angie G]

idot't see why you girls get so nervous just go in the store get what you want pay for it and be on your way nobody is going to slap you :hugs:
Angie

[goofus]

Not that you owe them anything, but you could show them your web page, and that you're not some robber casing the place but a CUSTOMER. Have you spent your money there before? Wouldn't hurt to mention it if you have.

Show them this site, and this thread and how it potentially reflects badly on the company.

Did anyone in the store offer you help while you were there? There's no reason for you to be so nervous, but the store reaction was way over the top.

I'd pursue this to the HQ if necessary, if for no other reason than to try to prevent anyone else from being harassed in that store. If thngs don't work out, don't go to another of their stores. Find a company that actually wants your $.

They offered me help...I said in a friendly way that I was just looking...honestly, I guess I'm naive, but I never thought in a million years that they'd call the cops on me...

Jennifer, I should mention that I was in drab for this whole misadventure...

[jennifer41356]

Goofus

what I dont get is you look so fem, I think no one would have paid you any mind, if they looked at you, it was probably to check out the cute outfit you were wearing and thinking...Damn, she looks good in that....:hugs:

[Tasha T]

I'm sorry to hear you had the fashion police called on you...literally. That stinks. I think you could have avoided all of this trouble if you had taken the courage it took to tell the police the truth about what you were doing and used it to buy the dress in the store. My suggestion to you would be to not go back in there ever, for any reason, and just shop online at the fashionbug.com where you can take as much time as you want buying your stuff.

Believe me I know how hard it is to shop sometimes. I tend to be a nervous shopper and on a bad day I will pace around a store a few times before I get up the nerve to go look at things. Other times I'll get out of line when other people come up behind me. I guess it's just part of my natural shyness. Though I do shop in public quite frequently without problem, I actually prefer to shop online. It's so much easier. The only thing I have to worry about is when the package comes it won't be marked with anything that will embarrass me.

I hope we don't see your episode on COPS or hear about it on the evening news. I wouldn't be surprised if we did however. I know how the media loves to humiliate crossdressers.

[Jan W]

Dear Goofus,

How did the policeman know it was you after driving off and returning to another park?

Did you drop your drivers licence in the store or some other ID?

[goofus]

I'm sorry to hear you had the fashion police called on you...literally. That stinks. I think you could have avoided all of this trouble if you had taken the courage it took to tell the police the truth about what you were doing and used it to buy the dress in the store. My suggestion to you would be to not go back in there ever, for any reason, and just shop online at the fashionbug.com where you can take as much time as you want buying your stuff.

Believe me I know how hard it is to shop sometimes. I tend to be a nervous shopper and on a bad day I will pace around a store a few times before I get up the nerve to go look at things. Other times I'll get out of line when other people come up behind me. I guess it's just part of my natural shyness. Though I do shop in public quite frequently without problem, I actually prefer to shop online. It's so much easier. The only thing I have to worry about is when the package comes it won't be marked with anything that will embarrass me.

I hope we don't see your episode on COPS or hear about it on the evening news. I wouldn't be surprised if we did however. I know how the media loves to humiliate crossdressers.

Luckily there were no TV cameras in sight. I don't know, I guess it could be an item in the paper, I doubt they mention me by name, however.


Dear Goofus,

How did the policeman know it was you after driving off and returning to another park?

Did you drop your drivers licence in the store or some other ID?

No, one of the SA's totally had the eagle eyes on me. I guess I should have suspected something right then and there. She got a really good look at my vehicle. She no doubt called the cops and gave them a description of me and my vehicle...

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

>shaking head from side to side in disbelief<

i know when i frist started to buy my own things i was a bit nervious but i picked them out went to the check outs and was rang up (i dont use the self checkouts,i like personal service), and then i leave,,, no one says anything even those in line and if they do BIG FRIGGIN DEAL its not llike they know u,,,,

i still get a bit red when i place nail polish bottles on the belt but i still buy them,, :D
i had one young checkout girl tell me that the silver color i had on wasnt my color,,
i do 90% of my shoping at wal mart and they ARE always busy no matter what time u go in,,,

live and learn Goofus:hugs:

[MsToriJones]

i had one young checkout girl tell me that the silver color i had on wasnt my color,,

I was checking out somewhere and had a guy as me where I got my purple nail polish from, he said it would match an outfit that he had. So I told him.....

[girl_in_pantyhose]

just think when you are more comfortable with yourself this might be a funny story you can look back on.

Anyways i do all my shopping at wal-mart. it helped me get over the whole "buying clothes thing" because time after time no one cared what i was buying. so hang in there! like all things it takes practice and practice takes time and repetition. :hugs:

[Michelia]

In my book.

I shop at a Fashion Bug in a town in Mississippi. The managers have always gone out of their way. They know I am a CD. So the backwater theory does not hold.

The racist thing is unusual, Goofus. I promise you black women, old or young, are a lot more tolerant of me than any white women. I guess they see a lot weirder stuff going on...(just my guess). I prefer to shop in the black areas of town because there are less people that know me there. They also have larger sizes that fit me. And many of the customers establish conversations with me while I shop calling me baby and sweetie and love and such nice things. You could have gotten unlucky where a real racist b**** got you.

You acted way suspiciously when getting in your car and parking within their sight. But we have all done this at some point or another (I think) and that is still not a crime. I can't tell you how many times I have gone in a store and seen 10 women at the checkout and I just decided to wait outside to go back in to get my panties and other stuff and check out. Gee. I can tell you I have gone in and out of the same store 3 or 4 times consecutively especially if I get a call while I am in the store.

The thing that I do not like and may keep me out of Fashion Bug after hearing this story is that they banned you after you explained your story. Or did they ban you before anyone heard your side of the story? Maybe I will write them too and if I do not hear back anything I will stop going there. Really the bottom line is you did nothing wrong and you should not be banned.

CD friendly or not, this is major BS.

Michelia

[MarciManseau]

Next time take the dress to the register and just pay for it. If asked, say you're going to be in a charity drag show. Women seem to love that. Before I went full time, I'd always say that, and more often than not, they offered to help me, or asked about shoes or jewelry. If you act like it's no big deal, they'll react the same way.

As I always say, f*** 'em if they can't take a joke! :D


Hugs, Marci :hugs:

[jaina]

I am typing an email to them right now. But, you're probably correct, they won't do anything, no one will be reprimanded, etc. After all, what do they care if they lose a few crossdressing customers? Women must vastly outnumber crossdressers as far as their customer base goes...

Do not send an Email. Have your attorney send a real letter unless there is more to the story.

[Tammi]

well the sales clerks may have been frightened and thought they were justified called police , but going into a store open to the public and not buying anything is not a crime. neither is being in your car in a parking lot that is open to the public.the fact that someone is scared doesn't make
anything you did wrong.As far as the police searching your car they were only able to do that because you gave them permission.I don't think they had anything to convince a judge they needed a search warrant .but if they could have found anything in their free search they would have used it against you( what if someone dropped a perscription pill outta their pocket
by accident?)remember you have rights that protect you from ramdom searches. you also have the right to not answer any questions without an attorney present.If you would have said anything they could have twisted
to be able to file a charge the possibility exists.I had an attorney tell me to NEVER consent to a search of anything. they think they have cause let them get a warrant. most times if you don't consent they will just say ok. But why give them a free fishing trip . And who said you was banned from the store?
was it an employee, a store manager or just the police so they didn't get another call. without knowing where that statement came from its hard to know if it has any official status. sorry for your bad experience!!

[goofus]

just think when you are more comfortable with yourself this might be a funny story you can look back on.

Anyways i do all my shopping at wal-mart. it helped me get over the whole "buying clothes thing" because time after time no one cared what i was buying. so hang in there! like all things it takes practice and practice takes time and repetition. :hugs:

Well I already kinda see the humor in it actually :happy: . As for Wal-Mart, I think they're evil corporate *******s and I refuse to shop there. Besides, I can't imagine their clothes are all that stylish?


In my book.

I shop at a Fashion Bug in a town in Mississippi. The managers have always gone out of their way. They know I am a CD. So the backwater theory does not hold.

The racist thing is unusual, Goofus. I promise you black women, old or young, are a lot more tolerant of me than any white women. I guess they see a lot weirder stuff going on...(just my guess). I prefer to shop in the black areas of town because there are less people that know me there. They also have larger sizes that fit me. And many of the customers establish conversations with me while I shop calling me baby and sweetie and love and such nice things. You could have gotten unlucky where a real racist b**** got you.

You acted way suspiciously when getting in your car and parking within their sight. But we have all done this at some point or another (I think) and that is still not a crime. I can't tell you how many times I have gone in a store and seen 10 women at the checkout and I just decided to wait outside to go back in to get my panties and other stuff and check out. Gee. I can tell you I have gone in and out of the same store 3 or 4 times consecutively especially if I get a call while I am in the store.

The thing that I do not like and may keep me out of Fashion Bug after hearing this story is that they banned you after you explained your story. Or did they ban you before anyone heard your side of the story? Maybe I will write them too and if I do not hear back anything I will stop going there. Really the bottom line is you did nothing wrong and you should not be banned.

CD friendly or not, this is major BS.

Michelia

Yeah, like I said, it was racist on my part to make assumptions. And the cops said I wasn't to go back there again because I made the staff uncomfortable, even after I told them my side of the story. And I agree - it is at least minor BS :happy:


Next time take the dress to the register and just pay for it. If asked, say you're going to be in a charity drag show. Women seem to love that. Before I went full time, I'd always say that, and more often than not, they offered to help me, or asked about shoes or jewelry. If you act like it's no big deal, they'll react the same way.

As I always say, f*** 'em if they can't take a joke! :D



Hugs, Marci :hugs:


Yeah, there's that. But I usually prefer to be honest...although maybe the occasional white lie wouldn't hurt...


well the sales clerks may have been frightened and thought they were justified called police , but going into a store open to the public and not buying anything is not a crime. neither is being in your car in a parking lot that is open to the public.the fact that someone is scared doesn't make
anything you did wrong.As far as the police searching your car they were only able to do that because you gave them permission.I don't think they had anything to convince a judge they needed a search warrant .but if they could have found anything in their free search they would have used it against you( what if someone dropped a perscription pill outta their pocket
by accident?)remember you have rights that protect you from ramdom searches. you also have the right to not answer any questions without an attorney present.If you would have said anything they could have twisted
to be able to file a charge the possibility exists.I had an attorney tell me to NEVER consent to a search of anything. they think they have cause let them get a warrant. most times if you don't consent they will just say ok. But why give them a free fishing trip . And who said you was banned from the store?
was it an employee, a store manager or just the police so they didn't get another call. without knowing where that statement came from its hard to know if it has any official status. sorry for your bad experience!!

I consented to the search 'cause I figured it would be best to be cooperative. I had nothing to hide - I hadn't stolen anything, I didn't have a weapon, and I don't do drugs so they wouldn't have found that. The cop told me that if I went back to the store it'd be considered trespassing and I'd be subject to arrest. I'm not sure where it came from, if the FB staff requested it or what.

[Melissa A.]

Hi goofus,

I'm really sorry you had to go through that. You've been given some pretty good advice here, so I won't add much. But as tammi said, just because a police officer told you that you were banned from the store, that doesn't make it necessarilly so. You owe it to yourself to find out how much official clout that statement holds. On the other hand, a store, contrary to what some think, is not a public space, and they can exclude entry to whomever they think is a disruption, as long as they are not breaking any anti-discrimination laws. You should find out if you really are banned, but just the same, I would move on. There are plenty of great places left to shop. Heck, I have a huge wardrobe and I've never even been in a fashion bug!

Hugs,

Melissa:happy:

[Nicole Erin]

For what?
Someone asked why goofus could be in jail.

And for nothing

ANYWAYS people, here it is -
Goofus probably did make them a little nervous. I used to work as a cashier and I would get nervous when people would wander around too long. I guess not too many men are in Fashion Bug, so they didn't quite know what to think.

Goofus - I doubt the police even believed you when you said you were a CD. It is one of the few times when people DON'T believe us. :heehee:

When can you go back to the store? Well, I say give it about 3 months.
The cashiers probably won't remember you anyways. It is not likely they have a photo of you behind the counter with the words "Do not allow this person into the store."

The cashiers who called on you today probably won't even be working there in 3 months. Cashiers hate their job, hate the work, hate the customers, and simply do not last long.

SIDE NOTE - I always laugh when stores say they "banned someone for life". I always think "Yeah like they are gonna remember who is banned".

[LilSissyStevie]

Wow! The Xmas shopping season was so disappointing to retailers that they're having people arrested if they don't buy anything. That's desperation!:eek:

[Carla Mel]

Dear g.
Your story is very amazing for me. I can't understand how a store can ban a custommer (as far as nobody prooved you are criminal, I think you are a custommer, and nothing else). In my country the custommers bans the stores, and not the oposite. All "public" place are supposed to be "open" to the public and must let you enter. No store can "forbid" a customer to enter in the store (as long as he don't commit any crime).
Then even if there is some legal possibility in your state (apparently there is???) for a store to ban a custommer, I assume that you should have the right to know WHY you are banned. And then WHY????? Why were you banned? You commited no crime. Entering a store, walking a store, is not "suspicious". I don't buy it. If you were a shoplifter, you will never been "suspicious" you blend with the crowd and stole as discretly as possible you don't spend 30 minutes walking the store. No honey in my point of view you were not "suspicious" of being preparing any crime. Therefore the store manager attitude to call the police on you seams disproportionate and even probably criminal. He is the one who should be putted in jail, since whitout any reason (you are a customer, and not "suspicious" of shoplifting) he put you in a lot of trouble.
Somebody recently explained here she was shopping "en femme", and when she went out one of the custommers called the police. She could go away but as she knows the store manager she learned then that the police effectivly came and ask if the "suspicious" person was behaving in an inapropiate way etc...
Somebody former member of the police told that as everybody in the store (except the "molested" guy) testified to the police that she was behaving correctly she could go after the guy.
I don't know in your state but for me the just thing should be you banning the store (I personnaly never buyed in a fashion bug, but if I see one I promess to stay away). And the just thing should be you asking why they called the police on you. And the just thing should be the people who called the police on you being molested not you, because again you committed no crime, and apparently somebody difamated you or worse segregated you.
My advice: when victims are feeling guilty it's time to fight for your rights, eventually vote for somebody who will protect the customers, not the "shop managers". And please don't go to this store, something stinks there.
Kisses
Carla

[Nicole Erin]

Carla, the thing about stores here in the USA is they have a right to refuse business to anyone.

Now granted Goofus had no bad intentions, but the store personnel did not know that. As far as they knew, goofus might have been waiting for the perfect time to pull a gun and rob the place.


I have said this but here it is again - Cashiers don't make a lot of money. They do not care about sales or anything except their next break or time to go home. Therefore, don't expect particularly good treatment from them.
NO one wants to do a cashier's job. It is a job people sometimes make snide ass remarks about. The best thing to do is not draw their attention.

[vivianann]

I am sorry you had a bad experience, at least you were not dressed enfemme when the police showed up, any way what you must do when buying feminine clothes is hold your head high, show confidence, and act like you belong there. acting nervous and looking around with your face down sets off warning signs someone is acting suspicious, we as crossdressers need to act with confidence when we are buying womens clothes, so what the line is long, just get in line and buy that dress, who cares what someone might think, I do it all the time, I like it when there is lines at womens stores, because I like talking to the ladies in line, it has always been a positive experience for me, I have done it in small towns as well as big towns with all different races of peaple aroud, and like Michelia wrote black women are the most understanding I have found also, I do like how they call me sugar or hun. Another thing you should not do is sit outside the store in your car if you are nervous, just get in your car and leave imediately so as to not draw attention to youself. anyway good luck next time.:hugs: Vivian

[Celeste]

Doing absolutely nothing and being harassed to this extent.It really ticks me off.I have also been a victim of unwarranted harassment by police in the past and am sorry to hear you had to put up with this.I'm really hoping this wasn't a SA who just had a bad attitude about you violating womens privacy in stores or something. I mean it sounded like the police might have been told that they saw you taking something also.Could it be one of the clerks is biased and told them they didn't want to see you back period.

[KELLYANN]

goofus, you sound just like me, when i started buying femme things for myself umteen yrs. ago. so nervous and scared. rather in femme or drab. nowdays, doesn't bother whatsoever. usually in drab. don't care anymore. my money is as green as the next guy/girl. example, bought some lovely heels at a DSW recently (in drab) checking out, the young cashier (female) said ohh these are lovely, but there not for you. i replied, weel sweetie, what do you think i'd look better in. she blushed and smiled she knew.

[Carla Mel]

Carla, the thing about stores here in the USA is they have a right to refuse business to anyone.

Now granted Goofus had no bad intentions, but the store personnel did not know that. As far as they knew, goofus might have been waiting for the perfect time to pull a gun and rob the place.


I have said this but here it is again - Cashiers don't make a lot of money. They do not care about sales or anything except their next break or time to go home. Therefore, don't expect particularly good treatment from them.
NO one wants to do a cashier's job. It is a job people sometimes make snide ass remarks about. The best thing to do is not draw their attention.

OK Erin, "stores" have right (sounds weird to me, I thought people had rights!). But then custommers have no rights? For exemple the right to check if the ban is not due to discrimination? Because it is probably the case here, and even if it not the case here, is it possible to a "store" to ban people due to race religion genre behaviour thoughts opinion and get rid of it? Not having any explanation to give just because they use the right the "store" has? There is a clear issue here between property and liberty.

Kisses
Carla

[KimberlyS]

Goofus, Stephenie and others have already let you have it so I will take it easy on you. If I was one of the SA's I would have called the cops on you also. Especially knowing after the fact there had been robberies recently in the area. You already know what you did wrong so do not do it again. So grow up and act your age. Shoplifters skulk about in a store. If you are in a store and are shopping than shop, and let the SA's help you as that is their job. Actually next time walk into the store and to the the first SA you see and ask for help. And it does not matter if you are in male mode or enfemme. I have shopped many stores in both modes and have tried on clothes in both male and femme modes including Fashion Bug. Accept yourself, accept who you are, accept what you want to do, then others will accept you. Act like a shopper and you will be treated as one. That is my experience.

If you want to shop there more call and talk with the store manager. When talking with the store manager and you get them told who you are and why you are calling, you may even try to set up a meeting with them just to talk face to face prior to shopping their again.

KimberlyS - CD
joe in a skirt

PS you know others can feel your self acceptance, when you are browsing at Victoria Secret in very obvious male mode including 2 day beard; and when after the SA has talked your ear off for 15 minutes about all the details of new bra she was showing and telling you about; she pauses and then asks "so would you like to try this bra on tonight". :heehee: I guess it was that obvious I did. You can do it also.

[Kate Simmons]

That's just plain nutty. A friend of mine is a regular customer of the local FB near her. They know full well she is a CD and she even gets solicitations in the mail from the president of the company. Some people.:rolleyes:

[Suzy Harrison]

I’m stunned how quickly all of this could blow up the way it has. I’ve never heard of staff calling the police before, except in cases of shoplifting. It goes to show how it all can get out of hand. If a sick female relative had asked you to go into the store and buy something for her you would have probably gone in there, pick it out and pay for it without too much thought. But because you know it was for you, then obviously you felt embarrassed. But it’s no different to young guys buying condoms I guess !

Advice: Next time take Karren Hutton in there with you. You’d have a ball and end up buying what you wanted with no bother ! :heehee:

I think I would send them an e-mail, or phone, just to explain, even if you don't ever go back - they can then see they over reacted

[mike47]

That really sounds like something that could happen to me. I feel your pain I really do. I doubt if it would be going on your record though. I would say if you go to the manager it could be fixed.

[Wendy me]

wow banned from the bug cops called ..... what to do??? for me shake my head ...been through the can't shop .....looking and leveeing stage (ages ago) and trust me sister that was long before your run in ....only thing i could say is you must have given some one a comfy feeling for the store to call the police .....

i have shopped just about every were along side other persons and store staff and never had the police called ...this could be true and i am not saying it's not .... just UN believable that it could happen without something being done to weird out the store staff.......

what your going to do is easy to say .... your never going to do a thing about this why???? easy if you could not buy the dress your not going to stand up to the store or the police.... shop on line .....

[LauraKCD]

Hon'
Your biggest mistake was lack of planning on your part. An acceptable method prior to going into the store is to first call, and ask to speak to the manager. Tell the manager that you are a CD, that you would like to shop there, and do they have any problem with that? You will likely find out that they are very willing to work with you, and may even suggest the best time when you can come in where it is not so busy.
Laura

[Julogden]

I suspect that the "ban" was the cop's idea, probably didn't want to have to deal with you again at a later date.

This is a sticky situation. I agree with whoever said to contact the corporate HQ. Contacting the manager of the store might result in more trouble, especially if s/he doesn't like CD's. It probably wouldn't hurt to contact a lawyer too.

Sorry to hear of your experience, that had to be very scary. Try to not let it get to you, dear. Get back on the horse, find a different store to shop at, and this time, do it right, don't hesitate. Just march in and buy something! Relax, and have fun.

Carol:hugs:

[stacie]

I would write a letter to the HQ and tell them you were there to spend money and now you plan on never going there again. But one thing you might haved learn now is to relax when you shop plus no one around you cares.
Shop at kolhs or spend a little more and shop at Nordstrom, I shop at both places all the time and never have any problems. Nordstroms treats me very good and they always go the extra mile to make you feel good. The fashion Bug is low Quality clothing anyway....

[KrissyTN]

I am typing an email to them right now. But, you're probably correct, they won't do anything, no one will be reprimanded, etc. After all, what do they care if they lose a few crossdressing customers? Women must vastly outnumber crossdressers as far as their customer base goes...

I wouldn't ask to have anyone reprimanded, but rather simply request an arrangement with the local manager that allows you to shop at the store. If it goes without a response from Fashion Bug, then take it higher. Start locally at first.

My thoughts anyway....no reason that you should be banned for not doing anything, but neither should the employees be reprimanded for being diligent with regards to safety.

Hopefully the situation will work out for you hon!

Krissy

[Melissa A.]

Goofus, Stephenie and others have already let you have it so I will take it easy on you. If I was one of the SA's I would have called the cops on you also. Especially knowing after the fact there had been robberies recently in the area. You already know what you did wrong so do not do it again. So grow up and act your age. .

Glad ya took it easy on her! Hate to see you really let her have it! LOL

Hugs,

Melissa:happy:

[MsJanessa]

Oh god, forget that. I was told to never set foot in there again, that I'd be considered a trespasser & subject to arrest, etc...Imagine if I came in crossdressed...they'd really flip their wigs!! (pardon the expression :) )

Hon I really doubt they would have a problem with a crossdresser---the problem they had with you is that you stalked the store like you were going to attack one of the patrons(we know you weren't but that's what it would look like to someone who didn't know your background) Next time just go in, find what you like and buy it---I've bought lots of things at fashion bug and have never had a problem. I think you might call the manger there and explain to her what the problem was---they may well let you back in if they think you are going to spend money.

ps--I had a local convenience store call the cops on me and a friend years ago---we were sitting outside the store in a car talking---I was in drab and had shopped at the store lots of times before---the clerk couldn't see who was in the car and after we were there about 10 minutes she called the cops who came and checked us out---I went in later to get my stuff--the clerk recognized me, was embarassed and apologized but said she thought we were crooks planning a stickup---guess I could see why

[docrobbysherry]

U can do what my parents, and everyone else from the Midwest that I've ever met do/did; move to SoCal. Nobody cares how u dress in stores out here. Or if u buy or don't buy, or pretty much about anything else either. And----, never mind. U proabably wouldn't like it here. It rained yesterday and looks like it may today also. It used to be nice here, before our weather turned terrible!
RS

[KimberlyS]

Glad ya took it easy on her! Hate to see you really let her have it! LOL

Melissa, well I planned on being easier. I have been there and done that also and surprised I have never been approached by security or the police. And I think many of us are or have been in the same boat. Often I think we are treating other CDers as babies and young kids. Yes they may be young or a baby to their CDing, but they are older usually in many other ways.

It is crazy some of the things we do to "hide" from others. I remembering the SA's glaring at me not taking their eyes off of me for very long. One thing I learned luckily fairly quickly was the best way to hide behind a rack of clothes was to stand in front of it shopping and not avoid the SA's. And the second was to shop for femme clothes like I was shopping for tools or other male items. Think of the bra as a hand tool and the formal as the power tool. And a better thing that clothes have over tools is they have a try out area, the fitting room.

Maybe we need to start a world wide CDers day out shopping.

KimberlyS-CD

[sissy_she_boy]

Wow, that's a crazy story but I think it is one that we can all relate to. I remember when I was younger I would be really scared to go into a womans store and buy things for myself.

I doubt that you will have anything on your police record over this, but it is a total bummer that you can't go back into the store again. If I were you, I would probably call the manager and explain the whole thing and be totally honest with him or her. Who knows, they might even let you back in again and since they would know who you are, you might be a little more comfortable buying things there.

The only other alternative would be to find a new store to go shopping at. Just don't make the same mistake again.

Good luck Sis.

kisses
sissy dana

[Melissa A.]

Kimberly,

You described the shopping life and times of a cd perfectly. It's too bad we can't find the courage earlier while the miniskirt is still appropriate!

Hugs,

Melissa:happy:

[DAVIDA]

Why don't we all write or E-mail their corporate office! We could use our combined efforts to remedy this situation! I really don't think that they want to see just how many of us would stop shopping at any of their stores.
I just got PISSED when I read this! Let me know and I will send one!
Somebody owes you an apology!

[Melinda G]

Not trying to take sides here, but a man wandering around nervously in a womens clothing store for 20 minutes and leaving without buying anything, could be perceived as "casing the joint". I would just chalk it up to experience, and find somewhere else to shop, and not take it as some kind of challenge to be allowed to go back there.

[serinalynn]

I frequent ladies clothing stores in my area alot and never had a problem just walking in to brouze. If you really want to buy something from Fashion Bug you can always use the website www.fashionbug.com and there they don't care what your wearing. THey will never see you and will faithfully process your credit card and will ship anything you puchase to you.

AS you may or may not know Fashion Bug, Catherines, Catherines Outlets, Lane Bryant Stores, Lane Bryant Outlets, Lane Bryant Catalog, Figis and Figure Magazine are all part of Charming Shoppes Inc. based in Ohio.

I shop for womens clothing both dressed and in drab and I actually like brouzing in womens clothing stores. Just don't be afraid to be in there, they will make a fitting room available if you want to try somthing on even in drab. I've seen responces in this forum from posters who seem to be afraid to be in ladies clothing stores. If your going to crossdress you cannot be afraid to be in these stores. I am absoultely thrilled to stand there a look over a rack of clothes with a woman or women. They might look at me and think i'm buying for my wife, I will look at some thing and think will I look good in that? Well ask for a fitting room and find out.

[stephanie100]

Sorry but id tell the store and that stupid cop NO ONE TELLS ME WHERE I CAN OR CANT GO TRY AND STOP ME!!!!

[MAJESTYK]

Iwas in Walmart the other day and the wife asked if I would be ok picking out my tights by myself. I was just fine as I always am and after I picked up my tights, I went to look at the bras. Got a funny look from one woman when I walked out of the aisle by myself, but I use the same money that everyone else does whether I'm shopping for dog food or panties so I dont care what anyone thinks. You should not be nervous buying for yourself. If buying in your own town is a problem then relax and just go to another one. When a sales assistant wont take their eyes of the guy shopping in the womens aisle, then give them something to look at, hold a bra and panties up to yourself ! They tend to look away after that!

[Genifer Teal]

Sorry to hear of your experience. Look on the bright side - now your CD will go tripple platinum! :p

Gen

[Andine]

Wow what a story!

My comiserations Goofus! I hope you get it sorted .... Just be yourself and have the confidence that you look like the mirror tells you. If you are confident in yourself you will be OK and others will treat you as you wish to be. If you get to talk to the manager make it fun, and be happy. You catch a lot more flies with honey than with vinegar!

The interesting thing about the posts on this thread for me is noticing how different life is in other places. we are very fortunate in Australia, and specificaly in Canberra that life is a lot more laid back here .... Wish you were here and we could go shopping together and have a lovely coffee on the way!

[LA CINDY LOVE]

You know Is that store in your neighborhood or is it out of were you live, know if it is in your neighborhood I can see why you would get nervous but if it is out of your neighborhood then why in h**L would you get nervous.

I shop in drab all the time and most of the time when I go into a store I do not know what I want I have never spend Min browsing in any store and if I know want I want it is in and out, if it takes you Min in a store then they do not have anything good to wear.

You said you been in that store before and got nothing then you come back brows for Min and get nothing but you said you know exactly what you want but got nervous and that Dew the SA to you.

The police said it is a high crime area and here you are acting suspiciously in a woman store, you brought this all on you next time you go into a store to buy woman cloths and you are nervous as a SA for help say it is a gift for your GF or wife but do not brows a STORE FOR 20MIN.


LA CINDY LOVE

[RobertaFermina]

I suggest you write a letter to the Store Manager along the lines of your initial post.

Explain the Human Dimensions from your side.

Explain that you remain interested in their products, and cite any prior purchases there (got any receipts?).

Explain how humiliating it was to be accosted and searched by the police, and to have a BAN communicated from them in this way.

Ask for their understanding, and to have a meeting with a store manager to clear the air and restore the Merchant/Customer relationship. Communicating that you are a Crossdresser is optional.

If they don't respond positively, you may have to accept that.
Stores often post that they "Reserve the right to refuse service to anyone." I don't know the legalities, but usually folks require a restraining order to keep you away from them. I think they can refuse service, but not access to their store, unless they actually get a Restraining Order.

Informal agreements between the police and the store personnel constitute extrajudicial restraint, and is prejudice.


I don't mean you should stalk them, but you could let them know you would like to shop there, and it would be so much better if you could take your selections to the cashier and pay for them.


Avoid, at all costs, any appearance of being disgruntled, or a stalker.

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Jodi]

I will chime in here. I am speaking as one who has experience working the floor as an SA in both the Limited and New York & Co.

There is a certain profile of mannerisms and body language that is given off by possible shop lifters and general trouble makers. These people come into stores frequently. Staff are trained and retrained to spot this profile. All one has to do is work the floor of any store for a short period of time and be observant and you will know what I mean.

None of us know the background on this scenerio. Noone knows what might have happened in this particular store in the preceeding week. They might have been hit by a team of professional shoplifters the day before. None of us know exactly what kind of vibes and body language you were giving off. When the SA asked to help you, you might have thought you responded nicely, but your tone of voice might have given off another message. Extreme nervousness will do this. Also, the eyes never lie. If this SA was observant and looked into your eyes, your message might not have matched your eyes. Also, I'll bet you didn't smile.

From your extreme nervousness and overall demeanor, the SA's probably read you as possible trouble. They might have had orders from the store manager to report any suspicious behavior to the police immediately.

Your problem was your nervousness and overall bodylanguage. You are obviously giving off some very negative vibes when nervous. This is a behavior that you can and must change if you wish to shop openly and freely.

I have shopped openly for many years, and have never had a problem. When in any store, I smile warmly, greeting the SA with a friendly, courteous manner. I tell them if I am only brousing or exactly what I am looking for.

Jodi

[Dalece]

I'd see what corperate says. I have been up front with the people or store help in saying Proudly of course that I'm a crossdresser. But thats at the stores here in Ohio. I have to go to Lane Bryant or Debs. I have found out that if you are honest with them there either going to except the fact or there going to call you freak or worse. ONe store even said yes you can try on the dresses you like. But looking at you I'm glad you can shop at the bug. As Jodi says change the behavior .

[TerriM]

I was a police officer for 20yrs. We would get calls such as the one you talk about. The call would say there was a suspicious male in the store. What the police did in this case was exactly what i would have done, except up to the point of banning you from the store, unless he was asked to do that by the manager. As far as a cop being surprised that you were a CD, is not true. Most cops today have seen it all. Often sales people , especially young sales girls working alone or at night are nervous.
My advice is rack this up to experience. I have been shopping in ladies stores both in drab and enfemme for a long time. I am still sometimes a little nervous, but get over it very fast, especially when there is a good sale.

Yours Terri

[ubokvt]

As a long time shopper at FB and a person who has used their changing rooms dressed and in drab at several differnt store I can say FB is CD friendly. My advive to you is skip the hassel go to anothe FB tell them what you want or where you saw it and ask if they could get you one in your size to try. Or just order it on line and have it shiped. But for your growth I recommend you ask the store to get it for you and then try it on in the store to see if it is what you want. It will do you a world of good and will avoid this from happening again.

[Melinda G]

Sorry but id tell the store and that stupid cop NO ONE TELLS ME WHERE I CAN OR CANT GO TRY AND STOP ME!!!!

Be sure and carry plenty of bail money, and the phone number of a good lawyer. :D

[goofus]

Well, a bit of an update. I think that this experience is going to make me a *less* nervous shopper because I don't want to arouse their suspicions and have the cops called on me again. One thing one of the cops asked me was "Why were you looking at the cash register so much?" (I was looking at it to see if the line was going down so I could walk right up and buy what I wanted and get the hell outta Dodge!!) So, no more of that...I won't even so much as glance at the till! That's it, no more nerves for me, if only because I don't want to go through this BS again!


Often sales people , especially young sales girls working alone or at night are nervous.


Okay, there were at least two SA's in the store and the one that was watching me like a hawk was definitely not young. It was after dark but not close to closing time.


So grow up and act your age.

I fail to see how this has anything to do with 'acting my age' . Last time I checked people of all ages get nervous.


Wow! The Xmas shopping season was so disappointing to retailers that they're having people arrested if they don't buy anything. That's desperation!:eek:

Good one, Stevie :)

Incidentally, I want to thank everyone for their support. In the end, I think the store did go overboard, but there's nothing I can do about it now except be more confident in the future so as to not arouse their suspicions....I don't know if I ever want to set foot in that store again even if I were "allowed" to. Screw 'em :)

[Beth-GDB]

Personally I think some people have been a bit harsh on Goofus in this thread. I can still vividly remember how nervous I felt going in to a store to buy fem clothing when I started to buy the clothes. I still don't have the nerve to try things on in store (I've done that twice but that's all). Having someone say "you should act like..." is one thing, actually doing it yourself when you're just starting can be quite challenging at times.

Just like pretty much everything else in life we learn by trying, we're not born with a "How to be a CD" manual. Sometimes we make mistakes, it's all part of the learning experience.

Goofus, if it's not too late, I'd personally reccomend that you don't send any angry letters to anyone. Based on your description of what happened, you didn't do anything wrong at all, but to use a saying, "you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar". A polite and clearly non-hostile paper letter to the store manager explaining that you are a CD who wanted to buy some clothes but felt nervous/embarressed due to how many other customers were in the store should be all that's neccesary.

If you send an angry letter that's confrontational, whoever reads it will be more inclined to think "we really don't need angry customers like this, they can stay banned". A calm letter that doesn't make rash accusations about the store staff is much more likely to make the person reading it think "we misjudged that person".

Be polite, be calm, and try to say in the letter that you can understand why the store staff did what they did. Your objective here is to get the store manager to sympathise with your situation and as a result change their opinion of you. By offering an "olive branch" to them by showing some sympathy towards their side of that situation, you're far more likely to get the store manager onto your side.

Before anyone says I'm telling Goofus to "back down when it's unjustified", put yourself in the store manager's position. Angry customers are the last thing that any store wants, they can be extremely irritiating/frustrating to deal with and don't win anyone's sympathy. Unless the store manager you're dealing with is a complete asshole, they're much more likely to treat you with dignity and respect when you behave dignified and respectfully to them.

Assuming you can get the store manager to change their mind and welcome you back to the store, don't be afraid of the sales assistants. After dealing with however many asshole customers that they have (and don't think for a second that they haven't unless it's their very first day on the job), dealing with a customer who's a bit embarressed is much easier. Even if a specific sales assistant doesn't personally approve of CDing, they should at least still help you in a courtious and polite manner. If it helps, ask the store staff to reccommend a time for you to visit when the store is less busy so that (1) you aren't as embarressed by the other people there and (2) the sales assistants are less likely to be interrupted by other customers wanting help.

In fact, you'd be very suprised how many female SA's think it's actually fun to help a guy pick out fem items for himself. Until a few months ago I never bothered with makeup/cosmetics. I went to a place that had a good range and told one of the SA's that I was after a basic set of fem cosmetics for myself. She kept telling me how much fun she was having while testing out different products on me to see how well they'd suit me. At the end of it all she told me that all by myself I'd totally turned her day around.

[goofus]

Personally I think some people have been a bit harsh on Goofus in this thread. I can still vividly remember how nervous I felt going in to a store to buy fem clothing when I started to buy the clothes. I still don't have the nerve to try things on in store (I've done that twice but that's all). Having someone say "you should act like..." is one thing, actually doing it yourself when you're just starting can be quite challenging at times.

Just like pretty much everything else in life we learn by trying, we're not born with a "How to be a CD" manual. Sometimes we make mistakes, it's all part of the learning experience.

Goofus, if it's not too late, I'd personally reccomend that you don't send any angry letters to anyone. Based on your description of what happened, you didn't do anything wrong at all, but to use a saying, "you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar". A polite and clearly non-hostile paper letter to the store manager explaining that you are a CD who wanted to buy some clothes but felt nervous/embarressed due to how many other customers were in the store should be all that's neccesary.

If you send an angry letter that's confrontational, whoever reads it will be more inclined to think "we really don't need angry customers like this, they can stay banned". A calm letter that doesn't make rash accusations about the store staff is much more likely to make the person reading it think "we misjudged that person".

Be polite, be calm, and try to say in the letter that you can understand why the store staff did what they did. Your objective here is to get the store manager to sympathise with your situation and as a result change their opinion of you. By offering an "olive branch" to them by showing some sympathy towards their side of that situation, you're far more likely to get the store manager onto your side.

Before anyone says I'm telling Goofus to "back down when it's unjustified", put yourself in the store manager's position. Angry customers are the last thing that any store wants, they can be extremely irritiating/frustrating to deal with and don't win anyone's sympathy. Unless the store manager you're dealing with is a complete asshole, they're much more likely to treat you with dignity and respect when you behave dignified and respectfully to them.

Assuming you can get the store manager to change their mind and welcome you back to the store, don't be afraid of the sales assistants. After dealing with however many asshole customers that they have (and don't think for a second that they haven't unless it's their very first day on the job), dealing with a customer who's a bit embarressed is much easier. Even if a specific sales assistant doesn't personally approve of CDing, they should at least still help you in a courtious and polite manner. If it helps, ask the store staff to reccommend a time for you to visit when the store is less busy so that (1) you aren't as embarressed by the other people there and (2) the sales assistants are less likely to be interrupted by other customers wanting help.

In fact, you'd be very suprised how many female SA's think it's actually fun to help a guy pick out fem items for himself. Until a few months ago I never bothered with makeup/cosmetics. I went to a place that had a good range and told one of the SA's that I was after a basic set of fem cosmetics for myself. She kept telling me how much fun she was having while testing out different products on me to see how well they'd suit me. At the end of it all she told me that all by myself I'd totally turned her day around.

Thanks for your support, Beth. As for your last paragraph, I read about these success stories all the time, but so far they've been the exception rather than the rule for me, and I know that in part it's because of my reluctance to take chances. Well, maybe I'll be taking more chances in the future....

[Beth-GDB]

Thanks for your support, Beth. As for your last paragraph, I read about these success stories all the time, but so far they've been the exception rather than the rule for me, and I know that in part it's because of my reluctance to take chances. Well, maybe I'll be taking more chances in the future....

In my case of buying the cosmetics, I actually used a cover story. A very popular public event was coming up in a couple of weeks and I said I wanted some cosmetics to go to the event in drag. There are always several groups of guys in drag at the event (the Melbourne Cup horserace) every year, so the cover story was entirely believable. I didn't actually go to the race though.

Of course, the problem with cover stories like that is that they're only good to use once at the same store. I couldn't go back to that store tomorrow and buy more cosmetics using the same story.

[JuliaCD]

Hun, you just have to overcome that fear of being weird or a pervert or something and get dressed and go shopping!

A few months ago, I went bra shopping. I was dressed, and went to the lingerie department at JC Penny. (It was mid afternoon, and the store was pretty quiet...) I found a couple bras I liked, took them off the hook and went to the fitting room. Went in, locked the little cubicle door, took off my top and tried them on! (Forms out, my bra off, new bra on, forms in, look in mirror...repeat...) Found a bra I liked, put the others back on the rack. Took the one I wanted to the register. Sales associate called me Ma'am and asked if I wanted to open a charge account. I paid, and went happily on my way. At a JC Penny. In a great big mall!

I like to think I look ok dressed, but I'm not kidding myself either. I wear alot of makeup...my voice is high for a guy but not a woman's voice by a long shot...my hair is thin in back and totally gives me away. All I had to do was overcome the fear, hold my head up, try on some bras and buy one! I know the saleslady knew what was up...she didn't care! I didn't make a scene and she made a sale!

It's a hard leap to make, but once you do you'll be fine. As for your situation, contact the manager and see if you can't make it better. If not, well, lesson learned and shop elsewhere. Just remember, alot of people think we're perverts or criminals, but we're really not and as long as we understand that everything tends to come out ok.

Huggs,

~Julia

[Carla Mel]

GOOFUS

Okay, there were at least two SA's in the store and the one that was watching me like a hawk was definitely not young. It was after dark but not close to closing time.

So here is what happened. You were spotted during 20 min by an experienced SA who WAITED till you went out without buying to call the cops and "somebody" banned you.

Clearly it has nothing to do with suspition, but with discrimination.
Why it has nothing to do with suspition:
- You did not act supitiously, you acted diferently than an average customer of course, but I'm sure you did not act as a shoplifter, or a robber. You probably did not look to how to run out the store, nor hidded your face from the surveillance videocam etc... And an experienced SA would know you definitivly were not a shoplifter. By the way how were you dressed? shoplifter use big coat were they can "store" merchandise, were you using close to the body jacket or coat? Anyway from what you say it appears to me you did not seamed suspect of shoplifting at all
- The SA did not call the police in the first 5 minutes she saw you. If she was really thinking you were about doing something illegall she would not have taken any chance to wait and see what happen. She knew you were not preparing a criminal action. She waited till you went out so she could put the cops on you OUTSIDE the store, to keep maintaining the sales, and leting you being embarassed outside, without embarassing the "normal" customer.

So if you were embarassed and banned not because of any suspition, why was it? Probably because the SA did not like you. She saw you were "problematic" she saw you were not a shoplifter but she assumed you were or a pervert trying to touch underwear, or look to the girls, or if she knows about crossdressing she recognized you as a crossderesser. Anyway she saw you as a pervert not a robber or a shoplifter. She knew from the begining you were harmless, and did not call the cops, til you went out, just followed you with her "hawk" eyes making you feel unconfortable (after all being followed by her is one of the reason you felt bad and did not buy anything).


Again I will recommend not feeling bad after this experince. You are the victim of somebody who though you were a "pervert" was never afraid, did not think you were a shoplifter. You were discriminated for being a crossdresser. You commited no crime. The SA is the person who should feel bad for missunderstanding what you are, and discriminating you and banning you.

Kisses
Carla

[KewTnCurvy GG]

My suggestion, act normal.

I don't know if you were dressed or not but I assume not from your first post.

Anyhow, just act normal and you won't draw attention to yourself.

Acting odd draws attention, even if the acting odd was from being nervous, etc.

Just my 2.

Kew

[StayceeCD]

Honey you look so good I say get dressed, get together with another local T Girl and go "Fashion Buggin"! They won't know you dressed! :D

[Suzy Harrison]

Hey, why not tell the store that everyone on this site is going to ban them instead.

How many of us are here? - must be a thousand

[LindaC]

I shop the "Bug" all the time. Been to stores in Indiana and have gotten great service, always in Drab. Relax, have fun and get what you want.

BTW, which store did this happen to you at?

[goofus]

Carla Mel - thanks for your support - you may be right!


Hun, you just have to overcome that fear of being weird or a pervert or something and get dressed and go shopping!

A few months ago, I went bra shopping. I was dressed, and went to the lingerie department at JC Penny. (It was mid afternoon, and the store was pretty quiet...) I found a couple bras I liked, took them off the hook and went to the fitting room. Went in, locked the little cubicle door, took off my top and tried them on! (Forms out, my bra off, new bra on, forms in, look in mirror...repeat...) Found a bra I liked, put the others back on the rack. Took the one I wanted to the register. Sales associate called me Ma'am and asked if I wanted to open a charge account. I paid, and went happily on my way. At a JC Penny. In a great big mall!

I like to think I look ok dressed, but I'm not kidding myself either. I wear alot of makeup...my voice is high for a guy but not a woman's voice by a long shot...my hair is thin in back and totally gives me away. All I had to do was overcome the fear, hold my head up, try on some bras and buy one! I know the saleslady knew what was up...she didn't care! I didn't make a scene and she made a sale!

It's a hard leap to make, but once you do you'll be fine. As for your situation, contact the manager and see if you can't make it better. If not, well, lesson learned and shop elsewhere. Just remember, alot of people think we're perverts or criminals, but we're really not and as long as we understand that everything tends to come out ok.

Huggs,

~Julia

Yeah, if I lived in Seattle I might be more comfortable with that. As it is, I live in the rednecked, bible-thumping Midwest.


Honey you look so good I say get dressed, get together with another local T Girl and go "Fashion Buggin"! They won't know you dressed! :D

There's an idea, Staycee...My question though, if I go shopping dressed and try something on, how do I avoid getting makeup all over the item if it's something I have to pull over my head??


I shop the "Bug" all the time. Been to stores in Indiana and have gotten great service, always in Drab. Relax, have fun and get what you want.

BTW, which store did this happen to you at?

This happened to me at the Portage Rd. store in South Bend, in the Wal-Mart supercenter.

[Katie Ashe]

I have posted this in other places as well. I have been tossed out of Frederick's of Hollywood, "They don't want my kind their". Whatever I went over to Victoria's Secret, they said 1/2 the customers are Rainbow, they are happy to help us, so we shopped, and they helped :tongueout. HRC puts out rainbow friendly company list every so often, I do try to shop they and the heck with the rest. Hey when I want my shoes, I want my shoes !!!

[Sharon]

Yeah, if I lived in Seattle I might be more comfortable with that. As it is, I live in the rednecked, bible-thumping Midwest.


Just an FYI --I was in Indiana just a few weeks ago and had no problems at all -- in stores, restaurants, bars, or at the local civic center. And a dear friend of mine lives there and does quite well. Of course, I wasn't milling about as if I was ashamed or embarrassed either.

[goofus]

Just an FYI --I was in Indiana just a few weeks ago and had no problems at all -- in stores, restaurants, bars, or at the local civic center. And a dear friend of mine lives there and does quite well. Of course, I wasn't milling about as if I was ashamed or embarrassed either.

Okay, well, if, like you, I were transitioned and at least reasonably passable I probably wouldn't have many problems either. As it is, I think you're comparing apples to oranges.

[Sharon]

Okay, well, if, like you, I were transitioned and at least reasonably passable I probably wouldn't have many problems either. As it is, I think you're comparing apples to oranges.

No, Sweetie, I'm comparing attitudes and confidence. Don't worry, it will come to you if you give yourself a chance. :happy:

[SiobhanW]

Okay, well, if, like you, I were transitioned and at least reasonably passable I probably wouldn't have many problems either

G, I've only seen your profile pictures but you look passable (and cute!) to me.

[jennifer41356]

Goofus

dont worry, you will get more comfortable whether shopping as a girl or in boy mode. Women think it is cool when their SO buys them clothes so play that little game with them and you will be surprised how easy it is

On another note, last night I was at Wal-Mart buying some iced tea and I was in a skirt and as I was walking to the checkouts , I heard someone say, and i think it was a 12yr old girl,thats a guy, she said it softly to her Mom, I just kept walking and paid for my tea...I wondered, what could have gave me away, and I always think its the wig, as real as it may look, but I didnt let it get me down

This afternoon I went in a skirt to Best Buy and a used bookstore and everyone I came in contact with called me ma'am, I even asked one of the guys if they had the Pink Floyd box set in stock....Once you no longer care what people think, it becomes so much fun

Hang in there, have fun, dont worry what folks think because you will never see them again once you leave that store
:love:

[Jodi]

Some people here have been quite critical of the SA's and the store. I will continue with my experience of almost three years of working in a large mall.

There are some very weird things that happen, and some weird people that walk the malls. This weirdness increases in the evening. I was hired at NY & Co and then the Limited because I was a guy. They wanted a guy in the store especially in the evenings. Monday thru Thursday, it is the norm to work the store with one mgr and one SA. More SA's are added on Fri night and the weekend. I discovered early on that I was working a lot of weekday evenings. One evening, I asked my manager about it. She laughed and said that she scheduled it that way. She wanted me in there when she worked.

I could probably write a book on my three years of working a women's clothing store. I saw more weird people, more mean spirited people, and saw more attempted scams than I can count. Fortunately, I also saw many fine people.

Young SA's can be easily intimidated. Older, experienced SA's will act to handle anything out of the ordinary. We called in mall security a number of times when we thought we had a perpitrator or a drunk on our hands. We did not hesitate. Again, SA's are trained, highly trained and retrained at regular intervals to spot anything abnormal and to report such to the manager immediately. We were required to greet a customer within 30 seconds of them entering the store. Any experienced SA can size up a person from this greeting. We were trained to do that. By the time I decided to leave retail, I was a very experienced SA with many hundreds of hours working the floor. From the behavior, that Goofus self described, I would have surely notified the manager, and I would not have taken my eyes off of him. Nervous behavior will bring that upon you.

We didn't bat an eye at normal behavior. We assisted and hopefully sold them a great outfit.

So don't be so critical of the store. Sure, they are there to sell, but they have resources to protect from many nasty, unscrupulous people who frequent them.

If any of you are so skeptical, try working the floor of any store for about a year. Believe me, you will have your sweet eyes opened up big time.

Jodi

[CharleneCD]

I don't know if I ever want to set foot in that store again even if I were "allowed" to. Screw 'em :)

And this is what you need to let their corprate office know. Calling the cops is not the big deal here. Banning you is. Whether it was the store, or just the cops that was wrong. Since most agree that FB is CD friendly, it might get some staff there some extra training in how to treat poeple. If it was the cops, management needs to tell them they overstepped their bounds. While the store has the right to keep you out, the cops dont if you werent doing anything wrong. Last I knew, being nervous while shopping is not against the law.

Well glad you are going to have no lasting problems from this, other than a few grey hairs. Good luck next time next store.

[goofus]

Some people here have been quite critical of the SA's and the store. I will continue with my experience of almost three years of working in a large mall.

There are some very weird things that happen, and some weird people that walk the malls. This weirdness increases in the evening. I was hired at NY & Co and then the Limited because I was a guy. They wanted a guy in the store especially in the evenings. Monday thru Thursday, it is the norm to work the store with one mgr and one SA. More SA's are added on Fri night and the weekend. I discovered early on that I was working a lot of weekday evenings. One evening, I asked my manager about it. She laughed and said that she scheduled it that way. She wanted me in there when she worked.

I could probably write a book on my three years of working a women's clothing store. I saw more weird people, more mean spirited people, and saw more attempted scams than I can count. Fortunately, I also saw many fine people.

Young SA's can be easily intimidated. Older, experienced SA's will act to handle anything out of the ordinary. We called in mall security a number of times when we thought we had a perpitrator or a drunk on our hands. We did not hesitate. Again, SA's are trained, highly trained and retrained at regular intervals to spot anything abnormal and to report such to the manager immediately. We were required to greet a customer within 30 seconds of them entering the store. Any experienced SA can size up a person from this greeting. We were trained to do that. By the time I decided to leave retail, I was a very experienced SA with many hundreds of hours working the floor. From the behavior, that Goofus self described, I would have surely notified the manager, and I would not have taken my eyes off of him. Nervous behavior will bring that upon you.

We didn't bat an eye at normal behavior. We assisted and hopefully sold them a great outfit.

So don't be so critical of the store. Sure, they are there to sell, but they have resources to protect from many nasty, unscrupulous people who frequent them.

If any of you are so skeptical, try working the floor of any store for about a year. Believe me, you will have your sweet eyes opened up big time.

Jodi

Well, as I've said, I think I learned a valuable lesson - never look at the cash register too much! I think that's probably what freaked 'em out more than anything. I guess what is disappointing to me is them jumping to the conclusion that I was up to no good, as if it never even entered their minds that I might be a crossdresser shopping for myself. I doubt I'm the first such guy that has come in that store (actually I myself had bought stuff at that store on three different occasions in the past). So I still kind of think that the staff went overboard...I've worked at a clothing store myself (I now work in a natural foods store) and we were never taught to 'size up people' based on their response to our greeting. We were never taught to assume that people were up to no good. Then again, the clothing store that I worked at had plain clothes security, so maybe those folks were taught all of that stuff...

[Carla Mel]

Some people here have been quite critical of the SA's and the store. I will continue with my experience of almost three years of working in a large mall.

There are some very weird things that happen, and some weird people that walk the malls. This weirdness increases in the evening. I was hired at NY & Co and then the Limited because I was a guy. They wanted a guy in the store especially in the evenings. Monday thru Thursday, it is the norm to work the store with one mgr and one SA. More SA's are added on Fri night and the weekend. I discovered early on that I was working a lot of weekday evenings. One evening, I asked my manager about it. She laughed and said that she scheduled it that way. She wanted me in there when she worked.

I could probably write a book on my three years of working a women's clothing store. I saw more weird people, more mean spirited people, and saw more attempted scams than I can count. Fortunately, I also saw many fine people.

Young SA's can be easily intimidated. Older, experienced SA's will act to handle anything out of the ordinary. We called in mall security a number of times when we thought we had a perpitrator or a drunk on our hands. We did not hesitate. Again, SA's are trained, highly trained and retrained at regular intervals to spot anything abnormal and to report such to the manager immediately. We were required to greet a customer within 30 seconds of them entering the store. Any experienced SA can size up a person from this greeting. We were trained to do that. By the time I decided to leave retail, I was a very experienced SA with many hundreds of hours working the floor. From the behavior, that Goofus self described, I would have surely notified the manager, and I would not have taken my eyes off of him. Nervous behavior will bring that upon you.

We didn't bat an eye at normal behavior. We assisted and hopefully sold them a great outfit.

So don't be so critical of the store. Sure, they are there to sell, but they have resources to protect from many nasty, unscrupulous people who frequent them.

If any of you are so skeptical, try working the floor of any store for about a year. Believe me, you will have your sweet eyes opened up big time.

Jodi


Jodi,
Acording to you then a woman clothing store is one of the most dangerous place in the world. As soon as a "weird" activity is detected report has to be made, cops has to be called. Sounds to me we are living in 1984. A nervous crossdresser has to be banned then. By the way what do you mean by "mean spirited people"?
On my side I still believe that when you go to far to protect property, and defend "stores", you take out liberty. Well taking out liberty of "drunk" "scam" and crossdressers for now reporting them to the police and banning them for being "mean spirited people", but what about tomorrow?
Is it so dificult to admit that SA not only overreacted (use of unessecary force, and privation of liberty by banning), but did this because she discriminated a crossdresser.
Still wait to hear an explanation of why such a dangerous person, was reported to the police, just once she leaved the store, and therefore was not a danger anymore (if she was at anytime)......

Kisses
Carla Mel

[Andine]

Hiya Goofus!

I hope you are feling better by now! There is a good deal of great advice coming your way, and from what I see, your only problem was a lack of confidence in your self.

I went to the OP shop again today ... I spoke to the lady there, and said I wanted to return a few things that didn't suit me. They normaly don't take stuff back, but I explained that given the poorly curtained change rooms I didn't want to take the chance of upsetting any regular customers. She completely understood, and I'm free to take stuff back as I like! Because I leveled with her she is on side! Use the honey method Babe!! Good luck ... don't let this spoil your new year! :love:


regards

[ElaineB]

You might call the store manager and explain what happened. The people in the store were acting in a reasonable manner, they saw a suspicious subject and acted accordingly.

Is it seen as reasonable now to be suspicious of shy shoppers, to the point of calling the police ???????

I fear for the future of the USA....

[Michelia]

some things I have not thought about. Thanks for posting about your experience, Goofus. And I am sorry it happened. But it does seem you are learning something too.

I will not look at the register anymore. I do this a lot.

It would be interesting to know what others do when they shop and how they plan or behave during shopping. Maybe that should go on another thread.

I always come in a store and say hi. If approached, I tell them what I am looking for. If I just want to browse, I tell them this and ask if it is OK? If I do not want help, I tell them so and ask for their name and thank them for being so eager to help. Then I tell them I will call them if I need them. I browse for loooong hours sometimes. Never had a problem, even in high crime areas.

Does this sound good, Jodi?

Michelia

[kimmy p]

Hi Goofus, it's great finding out how close to each other we are! I have been in that Fashion Bug once or twice with my wife. The problem you ran into there (IMHO) is that according to other employees that we talked to at other stores, the place on Portage is rife with thieves. Both shoplifters and hold-ups. The area it's located in is not the best, despite the attempt to build it up. :2c: Plus I know a few of the local cops and they are not the tolerant type. They would rather not deal with anything they don't have to, hence the "Banishment". Don't worry to much, this to shall pass.

[KimberlyS]

Goofus, I have been thinking on this. I know a dangerous thing to do. And what Suzy and others said made me think even more.


[COLOR="Blue"]
... why not tell the store that everyone on this site is going to ban them instead.

Did I miss it in all of the posts, or do we really even know if the store actually said to ban you? Or was it just the cop that that told you that???


...I was told I was not allowed to return to Fashion Bug. ..... Now I'm banned for life.

IMO it was just the cop that told you not to return to FB. Call and talk with the store manager if you want to shop more there.

KimberlyS

[Nicolette01]

Although my shopping is limited to hose and heels right now, I have learned to shop confidently for those items as if it was nobody's business who it is for. Works so much better than when I was nervous or sheepish about buying shoes or hose. And yes, I have been many times surrounded by women as I shop and check out with my items. To avoid any problems I would suggest shopping elsewhere until things cool down a while, or quit shopping there completely. Just my opinion.

[Phyliss]

Seems like this is "the thread that won't stop"
I wasn't there to witness exactly what happened, so I can't really comment. Not being any sort of "expert" (ie lawyer, police officer, security guard, etc) I really can't offer any sound advice.
What I can do is tell my story. The very first time I entered a "ladies clothing store" with the intention of making a purchase for myself I was rather nervous. Now, I had been in these kind of stores before with my wife, so I wasn't totally "lost". When I got the "May I help you?" question I explained the the lady that I felt like a "long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs" but that I was was looking for some clothes for myself. As it turned out I had been approached by the day Mgr. (Most likely the same thing as what happened to goofus) [a nervous looking guy]. By explaining at the outset why I was in there and what I was looking for, made all the difference. The woman gave me a bit of advice right then, that has stayed with me ever since. Her words. " It's clothing,and you can buy what you want."

Now, as it so happens, because of my business, ( home repair and service) I'm on the road everyday. There are 3 Fashion Bug stores in the area I cover and you just know I've visited each of them and have become a "regular customer" in all of them , ( Platinum F.B. card) Almost a struggle to NOT stop in everytime I pass one.

To sorta "insure" my good customer status, this past Christmas I made sure to stop in at each of them and give a box of ribbon candy to the store as a "thank you" gift for the wonderful service during the year.

Somebody said it. "...more flys with honey than vinegar..."

[Syndi]

Oh. My. God. I just had one of the most horrible experiences of my life (so far!!) . Boy, it just doesn't pay to be afraid to buy stuff.
Anyway, so I went to Fashion Bug tonight. I knew exactly what I wanted to buy, but then I got nervous because there were too many people in the store, too many people at the cash register, etc. So I stayed there and browsed for about 20 minutes or so and ended up leaving without buying anything (can anyone guess where this story is headed?). I drove around for a bit and parked in a nearby parking lot, thinking that I might return to Fashion Bug (little did I know I'd be banned!!!) . Anyway, while I was sitting there a cop drove by and shined his light in my front window...uh oh... then he pulled up behind me. Evidently the folks at the Bug thought I was behaving suspiciously and called the police. I was made to get out of the car, had to lean spread eagle on same as I was padded down for weapons, and then was questioned extensively while they ran my ID. I told 'em the truth - that I was there to buy a dress, that I was a crossdresser, that I was too afraid to buy dress, and that I returned to the area 'cause I was thinking about going back to the Bug (big mistake!!) . After searching my vehicle for weapons I was told I was not allowed to return to Fashion Bug. Evidently they'd seen me in there before when I was too afraid to buy things and they thought I was casing the place or what have you. Holy crap. I should have just bought wanted to buy. Now I'm banned for life. What should I do? Nothing? Should I contact the store manager? Should I write the corporate HQ? Is this going down on my permanent record? Should I contact my attorney? Any and all advice would be welcomed....

That is so messed up! you should not let that slide.They over reacted!

[Stormgirl]

Yep I don't plan on shopping at Fashion Bug anymore.

[Kieroney]

This is plain and simple harrassment, I would call the Fashion Bug HQ, and write a very big letter telling them how you will never shop any of there stores again. If real brave, call you local news, they will most likely check your story out, that will really get the ball rolling.

[sarahkatie]

Thanks, MJ...I know it could be *so* much worse. In this case, it was hard for me to pretend it was for my so/gf, since what I wanted to buy was a semi-formal dress. What guy buys formals for their girlfriends??? :happy:

In high school, and even college, the guys will buy the formals for their dates .... coming from someone who only grad from hs on 02. :-)

I know it doesnt help now, but maybe in the future ...... Besides if they arent part of your immediate community, who cares ..... I am always laughing about being free entertainment to people due to my airbrained/blonde ways LOL ..... And as a mom, you learn really early how to make a fool of yourself regularly for you kid/s :-)

Take heart, and next time just buy whatever you want:-) ...:hugs:

sk-gg

[Tammygirl]

Writing a letter to the corprate HQ will definitly get thier attention!
You have been dicriminate agaist! They way you dress, act or anything does not mean the your threr to ripp them off! These young girl must lean to be resposable for there actions. Write several letter one to the manager of the store on to both the district and regional manager, and one to every corprate officer you can find! This I have worked in retail for many years and the more letters to the big wigs the more you have a responce!

However, what ever you do DON"T Please Don't Stop go out and enjoying dressing! The more you expereance going out the more it come easyer
Love

[goofus]

Is it seen as reasonable now to be suspicious of shy shoppers, to the point of calling the police ???????

I fear for the future of the USA....

You're not the only one :eek:


In high school, and even college, the guys will buy the formals for their dates .... coming from someone who only grad from hs on 02. :-)

I know it doesnt help now, but maybe in the future ...... Besides if they arent part of your immediate community, who cares ..... I am always laughing about being free entertainment to people due to my airbrained/blonde ways LOL ..... And as a mom, you learn really early how to make a fool of yourself regularly for you kid/s :-)

Take heart, and next time just buy whatever you want:-) ...:hugs:

sk-gg

Thanks...good to hear from a gg on this one! Are you saying that guys go into stores by themselves and buy formals for their dates??


Writing a letter to the corprate HQ will definitly get thier attention!
You have been dicriminate agaist! They way you dress, act or anything does not mean the your threr to ripp them off! These young girl must lean to be resposable for there actions. Write several letter one to the manager of the store on to both the district and regional manager, and one to every corprate officer you can find! This I have worked in retail for many years and the more letters to the big wigs the more you have a responce!

However, what ever you do DON"T Please Don't Stop go out and enjoying dressing! The more you expereance going out the more it come easyer
Love

Thanx for your support...incidentally it wasn't a young girl that called the police, it was an older lady, 40 plus...

[sandra_j_gervais]

Forget Fashion Bug ! Their clothes suck ! Go to a nice place like Nordstroms, Macys, or buy on line.