Any Ideas?

[pntyhslvr2]

I have had my son move out recently because he got married. I have been looking forward to dressing all of the time. He has been married now for about two months and still drops by at all times and I never seem to know when this happens. I will be in the living room and be dressed but without makeup because of him showing up all the time. I hear the key in the front door and take off running for the bedroom. I can usually change in less than a minute. He is finally useing the doorbell instead of just comming in. I love my son and love to see him, so, is there some way to dress and still be able to deal with this situation? I get really into some of conversations on the phone with my girlfriends that know I dress up. Kinda frustrating. When I do use makeup its usually when I know he's out of town or at work and that changes all the time so I never know when he's going to be at work. Am I going have to tell him or is there some other way?

[Shelly Preston]

You could ask him to call first to make sure your home before dropping in

After all you could be in the shower

[SiobhanW]

I am of the opinion that when a child moves out he/she should expect to be something of a guest in my house from there on. That means calling before stopping by to make sure it's convenient, ringing the doorbell instead of letting themselves in, asking cursory permission to raid the larder/fridge, etc.....

Unfortunately my wife is of the opinion that they should have run of the house and this has led to some problems. My step-daughter and her kids have yet to waltz in on me dressed, but I have come downstairs naked from a shower to find one of her kids there watching TV whilst waiting for grandma. I keep telling my wife that if they thought seeing me naked was traumatizing, wait until they get the drag show!

[Deborah Jane]

Lock the door from the inside! Then he can,t waltz straight in!

[Janet Bern]

Maybe you could somehow let him know you have a gf and you dont want hime to spoil the moment so at least have him give you an hour notice
Janet

[Nicole Erin]

This is kind of a mean tactic, but if he has kids, start telling him how to raise them. He may not be as quick to waltz over.

YOur just going to have to let him know he cannot be just coming in like that.
I mean damn a person spends umpteen years raising a kid and when it is time to leave the nest it is time!

BTW - When I first moved out, I kind thought I still had the run of my parents house until I was informed otherwise. I now respect my parent's privacy.

[Fab Karen]

Are you single? If telling him is out of the question, then explain he needs to call first before visiting, & explain he wouldn't want you dropping by his place on him & his wife unexpectedly all the time.

[Wendy me]

OK change the locks .... simple and it works then set the rules on how he should pop in explain you waited xx years for your privacy and you would like him to respect that ... he is probably clueless that it's a isue.......

[Elizabeth Ann]

How about this: you tell him that your keys were lost or stolen at the shopping mall or somewhere else, and that you had to change the locks as a result.

If he asks for a new key and you don't think you can say no, tell him where you have hidden a key in the event of an emergency. Pick a spot that will require him to make a lot of noise and take a lot of time to retrieve, such as in the garage under a pile of something that clangs.

Elizabeth

[Mitch23]

you simply tell him that he needs to respect your privacy. If he is not prepared to do that then change the locks. No matter how much you love him, he has moved on in life and has no right to be calling on you whenever he pleases - shouldnt he be at home with his wife anyway? whether you tell him you are a crossdresser is your call

mitch

[pntyhslvr2]

These are all great ideas. I have way too many keys to lose a pair of keys as an excuse. He also brings his wife with him half of the time. I'll probably just have to ask him for his keys. I recently put in what they call a securety bar that goes from the handle of the door to the floor. Supposed to stop the door from being kicked in. He thought that the door threshold was stuck. That excuse can only last for a short while.Thanks for the info.

[jennydl]

If you can't tell him you want your privacy and would like him to call first,Go ahead and change the locks,just tell him the old one broke and couldn't be fixed.
jenny

[Eugenie]

Couldn't you very diplomatically tell him than you need to have some privacy and as much as you like him to visit you, you have your private life and it would be preferable that he calls before visiting...

Another solution for you is to be away from home often enough that he finds the house empty... after not finding you home a few times you might suggest that he calls before visiting you so he wouldn't waste his time...

The third possibility is a coming out... I did it with my grown up children and their SOs... They know that I dress and since they don't want to see me "en femme", they call before visiting...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[Darlene Dippy]

I don't have a solution but I do have the problem - 2 daughters in their 20s who arrive at any time of day or night!

I know at least that there is nothing much wrong with my heart, if there was it would have stopped on a number of occasions!

A number of close close calls.....

Darlene

[Jilmac]

I use a deadbolt and the knob lock on my door and I've still had some close calls.:whew!: Here's a couple of suggestions but ther're going to cost a decent chunk of dough. I did it when I was running a side business out of my basement, so I could tell when customers were coming when I was dressed.

You could install a minicam and/or a motion detector outside with a monitor inside, so you can tell who is coming before they get there. Aside from taking the key and giving your son strict orders to call first, I don't see you having much peace of mind when you're dressed. I had both a camera and motion detector, I installed them myself which saved a few bucks but it was good insurance against an intrusion and the possible loss of a customer

Good luck with any fix you can come up with, I'm pulling for you. Luv and:hugs: Jill

[AmandaM]

Another solution for you is to be away from home often enough that he finds the house empty... after not finding you home a few times you might suggest that he calls before visiting you so he wouldn't waste his time...
:hugs:
Eugenie


I think this is the best idea. You don't want to push your kids away. That would be awful. They "need" to come around like they do. Have some compassion and let it run it's course.

[debbiestwpantyhose]

love pantyhose, wear them all the time at home debbie@[email protected]

[carnut62]

You can get a single sided deadbolt that only locks on the inside there isn't
anything showing on the outside of the door just on the inside.

http://www.amazon.com/Kwikset-663-Single-Sided-Deadbolt/dp/B000CRKDI0/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=hi&qid=1199854700&sr=1-3

These are used in rental properties and apartments around here so the tenant can lock the door from the inside and the landloard can't go in. Just tell him now that he moved out you want a little more security in your doors or someone down the street got broken into. They are cheap and really easy to install, just remember to get one for each exterior door. Only use them while you are dressed, just make sure you don't leave them locked when you leave through the garage door and close the garage with an electric opener, if the power goes out you would be stuck outside ;)

Tabitha.

[Oddlee]

I have had a similar problem. My daughter lived with me half time after my divorce a number of years ago, so she had keys to both her mother's place and mine. She would occasionally come to my place when staying with her mother, to pick up something or other. Of course, I would take advantage of her absence to dress, so there were many times I'd leap out of my chair at the sound of the key.

This year she went off to college, but was home over Christmas. She was telling me about Halloween, and helping one of the guys in her dorm find a corset and bra and help him dress up - said she had no problem with cross-dressing - "it's just cloth..."

I have a suspicion that she had seen more of me dressed than I wanted her to, so over Christmas vacation, I told her I was a cross-dresser - no problem. She went to a party on New Years day, and I was wearing a skirt and feminine sweater when she got home - again no comment (no makeup, wig or forms).

So, I take it you have some concerns about your son's reaction? I think kids of today have a great deal more tolerance than society had when I was that age...

Good luck, whatever happens...

Lee

[MAJESTYK]

Have you thought of telling him? You never know , it might just be better to come clean.

[Angie G]

If my kids come over They always call beforehand One thime my son droped off some wood for my shop and almost seen me. angie :hugs:
Angie

[tommi]

I have had a similar problem. My daughter lived with me half time after my divorce a number of years ago, so she had keys to both her mother's place and mine. She would occasionally come to my place when staying with her mother, to pick up something or other. Of course, I would take advantage of her absence to dress, so there were many times I'd leap out of my chair at the sound of the key.

This year she went off to college, but was home over Christmas. She was telling me about Halloween, and helping one of the guys in her dorm find a corset and bra and help him dress up - said she had no problem with cross-dressing - "it's just cloth..."

I have a suspicion that she had seen more of me dressed than I wanted her to, so over Christmas vacation, I told her I was a cross-dresser - no problem. She went to a party on New Years day, and I was wearing a skirt and feminine sweater when she got home - again no comment (no makeup, wig or forms).

So, I take it you have some concerns about your son's reaction? I think kids of today have a great deal more tolerance than society had when I was that age...

Good luck, whatever happens...

Lee

I have to agree that kids today are more tolerant of these things not to mention accepting.
Be honest with him about wanting a heads up before he comes over and if you need it may be time to come clean, eventually he will catch you otherwise.

[Jilmac]

I have had a similar problem. My daughter lived with me half time after my divorce a number of years ago, so she had keys to both her mother's place and mine. She would occasionally come to my place when staying with her mother, to pick up something or other. Of course, I would take advantage of her absence to dress, so there were many times I'd leap out of my chair at the sound of the key.

This year she went off to college, but was home over Christmas. She was telling me about Halloween, and helping one of the guys in her dorm find a corset and bra and help him dress up - said she had no problem with cross-dressing - "it's just cloth..."

I have a suspicion that she had seen more of me dressed than I wanted her to, so over Christmas vacation, I told her I was a cross-dresser - no problem. She went to a party on New Years day, and I was wearing a skirt and feminine sweater when she got home - again no comment (no makeup, wig or forms).

So, I take it you have some concerns about your son's reaction? I think kids of today have a great deal more tolerance than society had when I was that age...

Good luck, whatever happens...

Lee

I have had some near misses with my kids. I think some might suspect that I dress, especially my youngest son, because I left evidence which he found. But unless they tell me first that they're ok with it, i'm going to keep it hidden. My 26 year old daughter might be the most willing to accept my dressing but I don't think my sons are ready yet. Luv and:hugs: Jill

[paulaN]

change the locks that's all there is to it.

[Sinthia]

change the locks that's all there is to it.

And what would he tell his son as to why he changed the lock? Reading the original post, it seems that he has a great relationship with his son. Changing the lock for any reason would be a breach of trust for his son, and would be very hard to regain. Too many posts have suggested underhanded ways to keep your son out. Don't go there. Use only honesty and truth. Either let him know that you would like advance notice about a visit, or try letting him know about your dressing. Anything else will probably put a knot in your relationship, and you will not like that.

[Raquel June]

I seriously doubt he'd want you just dropping by his place unannounced. Do you have a key to his place? Why does he have a key to yours?

I'm sure there's a tactful way to just say he should call first to make sure you're not busy. It kinda depends on your whole family dynamic what exactly is the best way to bring it up, but it must be brought up.

[JoAnnDallas]

When our son got married, he started showing up more at our house than at his house. I finially had to talk to him and tell him he could spend time at our house unless he had his wife with him. Otherwise he need to spend his free time at his house with his wife. So all of a sudden both of them would just show up. The situration finially ended when wife and I move to Virginia. Sad to say that we had to move to get away from our son and daughter-in-law. LOL

[Kieron Andrew]

lock the door when dressing, so that anyone calling has to use the bell

[sarahkatie]

change the locks ... your house ...not his, he has no business being there when you are not there and if you need privacy, than he also has no business walking in. he can knock, after all, if you are home, and dont need privacy, he will be welcome and you can answer the door.:2c:
sk

[Patti Girl]

Aw heck, just drop by on your son and his new bride while they are busy romantically. Maybe he will start to understand the concept of respecting someone's privacy?

We have a similar problem. Some people just don't understand "please call before you come to visit." Maybe we are using the wrong language <sigh>.

Good luck!

Patti

[heidi99]

And what would he tell his son as to why he changed the lock? Reading the original post, it seems that he has a great relationship with his son. Changing the lock for any reason would be a breach of trust for his son, and would be very hard to regain. Too many posts have suggested underhanded ways to keep your son out. Don't go there. Use only honesty and truth. Either let him know that you would like advance notice about a visit, or try letting him know about your dressing. Anything else will probably put a knot in your relationship, and you will not like that.

Absolutely 100 percent correct! I can tell from experience that in a relationship, when you come home and find the locks have been changed without a word, it is a stab in the heart and definitely puts the relationship in jeopardy. Ask for advance notice of them coming over (because you don't want them to get the feeling that you DON'T WANT THEM TO COME OVER.) If they need a reason why, it's kind of a judgement call. Being honest will probably make you feel better. Take what you can from the many posts here about how to deliver the message in a non-threatening way, and it will probably not phase him/them a bit.

[Colleentg]

Back when I was hiding it, the door was locked from the inside! Not even family qualified to enter my domain/privacy w/o prior notification!