Sexist remarks at work

[Carvery Carly]

Was just wondering what others would do in my situation if someone at work was making sexist remarks about women. I work in a kitchen (hence my user name) where I am the only "Girl" and sometime's a couple of males start making vile comments about women and their anatomy. I really want to make a comment defending women but daredn't for fear of being ridiculed by the "men". When a GG comes in from the restaurant, I turn round to the GG and say "Am I glad to see you". When they ask why, I tell them "It's because of this lot" meaning the men. I sometimes also say to the GG "What do you expect - they're male". The GG usually makes no comment to that statement. So please could you advise me as what to say/do about the sexist remarks, as it tearing me apart being unable to retaliate againest them.

[kerrianna]

That's a tough one, because you're right... they can make life tough for you if they think you have turned against them. However you are entitled to a safe and secure workplace. Can you speak to a manager or boss about it? And don't say you are defending women. Say that it upsets you to hear these things, that it bothers you very much and goes against everything you believe in and that you cannot tolerate that.

Don't excuse the behaviour. It's not just them being men. It's them being immature little pricks. And there's nothing funny about sexist remarks. They are part of a continium that is connected to the rape and murder of women everyday. Every little 'joke' and remark encourages other men, some of whom may have some very real and dangerous anger issues.

I don't think you should draw the GGs into it. You need to let YOUR feelings about it be known. You could try to do it directly to the ******s....sorry, I mean 'men'... in an honest and non-accusatory way, like "You know guys...when you say those things it really bothers me, because I think it demeans and dehumanizes women and some of my best friends are women, and some of my most loved family members are women, so do you think maybe you could at least not do it around me? Would you want other people saying things like that about your wife, mother or sister? It's not easy for me to say this, because I know you guys are just having fun, but it really does deeply bother me."

Something like that might work. Be clear, confident, assertive but not agressive, blaming or shaming.

Only you know what the environment's like and what they're like so trust your instincts.

[dianarg]

Was just wondering what others would do in my situation if someone at work was making sexist remarks about women. I work in a kitchen (hence my user name) where I am the only "Girl" and sometime's a couple of males start making vile comments about women and their anatomy. I really want to make a comment defending women but daredn't for fear of being ridiculed by the "men". When a GG comes in from the restaurant, I turn round to the GG and say "Am I glad to see you". When they ask why, I tell them "It's because of this lot" meaning the men. I sometimes also say to the GG "What do you expect - they're male". The GG usually makes no comment to that statement. So please could you advise me as what to say/do about the sexist remarks, as it tearing me apart being unable to retaliate againest them.

I know exactly how you feel, when that happens I just leave before I open my mouth.

[terrilynn]

You might point out to them how rude and vulgar such comments are, then if that doesnt work, assuming your employer has clear guidelines about sexual harrassment, point those out to them, and tell them what could happen if a woman were to hear their remarks and press the issue with the employer.
When I was managing for the company I used to work for, when I got a new employee, or a transfer from another store, I would conclude my 'welcome aboard' chat with them by having them read the sexual harrassment guidlines of the company, and making sure that they understood what would happen if these rules were violated. I was pretty easy going in how I worked with my employees, but made it clear that I would not tolerate any such behavior in my area of responsibility.

Terrilynn

[AmandaM]

Unless you want to out yourself, you should remain quiet. Other than that, I think you could try to talk about something else like this:

Joe: Hey, look at the knockers on that hose-hound! (ok, don't spam me, just a joke)
You: Yeah! Uh, did you see the game last night?

[Niya W]

hell for me I'd correct them I've don before when co worker was berating transgender people. I went on auto pilot.

[CaptLex]

hell for me I'd correct them I've don before when co worker was berating transgender people. I went on auto pilot.

I'm with you, Niya. I don't get how not tolerating sexist remarks will out you. This is the "stick to your own kind" mentality I hate. I won't put up with anyone making sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, anti-semitic, etc. remarks if I'm around. Keeping quiet is just like saying we agree with those goons. :rolleyes:

[Niya W]

Lol now one said any thing when I corrected the guy. but people at work no better, and some times dont want to take wat I say deeper.

[Victoria Anne]

Niya , Captain Lex in most settings I would agree with you but in my it could lead to shall we say unpleasantness , it could get ugly so for me at work I have learned to ignore it with a disgusted look on my face. I will however say something outside of work , it all dpends on one environment so I would suggest exercising caution Carly , my daughter is a chef and I know the kitchen can be a rough place to be in , she started as the help while attending CIA (cullenary institute of America ) and has made it to sue chef to head chef and is now concidering her own resteraunt. Be careful in your desicion dear.

[Joy Carter]

When I was younger I stood up to the vulgar bully's too, but in hindsight I should have just left well enough alone.
You have no power in this as an employee, and will only cause yourself a hardship. But if a fellow female employee hears this kind of talk, the one's doing it can be in for some trouble.

[DonnaT]

There's confrontation without confrontation.

What you do is ask, "Why do you need to continually say X or Y?"

Depending on their response, your's might be, for example, "Well, I have a mother (wife, sister, gransdmother, etc.) and I find your comments to be quite distasteful (rude, etc.) when I think of my own (relative). So, I was trying to understand you and why you neeed to say what you say."

[Christina Louise]

If you do say anything then be prepared for grief.

However you didn't say what the GGs think about it. Maybe if they object you could subtly get them to make it an issue so that you could then back them up.

[joann426]

i dont make sly remarks at any body because we all have to work with some one or by our selfs no matter what we are we are still are very important people i am a nice person and try to love everyone thats the way i am

[RobertaFermina]

Perhaps you could ask OUT LOUD to one of them (preferably one with the most decent mother-son relationship - as far as you know).......

"How's your mother doing these days ?"

Don't bother what the response is, let the conversation move on.

Maybe every second or third sexist remark, you can follow up with such a question, asking about the one woman men might demur at slighting.

At least then, you know you have stood up for women and respected them with a positive action. It might take the edge off being a witness to their sub-Neanderthal mindset.

:rose: I Love Mom ! :rose:

[Wendy me]

lol relay now afraid of outing your self??? lol... sorry this is too easy .... just ask them are all women included in this trash talk..... like their mom's ... sisters and girlfriends and wives... say in my book thats disrespect full ...... nothing outing you at all.........

[denise-x]

That is a tough one.
If you confront these "macho" guys they will target you. You will become the butt of their remarks.....like being called the "little gurlie", "cutie boy" "company queer of fag".

I see that you have 2 choices:
1. Say nothing and just endure
2. Send an anonymous to your supervisors

LOVE and :hugs:
Denise

[mackemlass]

Sadly there are certain areas of industry where sexist comments,swearing and foul language,etc,are seen as the norm,and if you complain that you find it offensive or disturbing a common response is 'well you know what it's like here,if you don't like it then find another job'.

[Lissa Stevens]

I worked with one of those assholes, who constantly made comments like that. Finally one day I told him to shut the *&^% up. I was sick of hearing those stupid comments. He couldn't understand why I didn't want to hear that kind of talk. I told him it was stupid and got on my nerves. He quit talking like that around me.

[JoAnnDallas]

Most companies have a policy, where if you file a formal complaint, your name is kept confidential. A lot of people will not report issues like this unless Management keeps their name out of it. See if you company has the same type policy. If so make a formal complaint. HR will be bound to keep you out of it.

[AmandaM]

But if a fellow female employee hears this kind of talk, the one's doing it can be in for some trouble.

Oh, I've done that before. I look around and say, "Shhh, one of the chicks might hear you". And they usually shut up. It's worth a try! And I look like I'm looking out for them. :)

[battybattybats]

I never bite my tongue with such comments, though I always politely point out whats wrong with them rather than being harshly critical.

However I must say it's rare for me to hear a sexist comment from men these days, sexual yes but sexist no. I hear sexist comments from women frequently though.

[Sharon]

I'm no more reluctant to comment on a sexist remark than I am to a racist comment. To remain silent implies that you condone it.

[Andine]

A good hard knee in the crotch would feel very satisfying!

The Australian public service has gone overboard on this and its almost too far the other way. I used to be Computer Centre Manager at Aust Fed Police years ago ... I made a comment to a passing young lady that she looked nice in her short skirt !
She had me up for sexual harrasment !! I was home for over a month in spite of the fact that I had given her a compliment, and had no case to answer as it was only one comment! I guess she was having a bad day!
Harrasment only exists when there are many instances and it starts to get personal ... then the management (here ) would be forced to act and deal with the harrasser. I guess you need to start something with upper management. If you are the only one in the area coping this, then they will know who put them in. If it happens elsewhere then you might be able to complain anonymously. It would be easier if a customer got harassed .. that would be grounds for dismissal .... Got any friends who could do that for you?
Think outside the square and fix the Ba**ards!

Good luck !

[Rachel Morley]

I work in an open office area where there are several men but there are also two women there too. Thankfully the guys rarely say anything sexist but if they do, usually one of the other guys will caution the other not to go too far as "there are women present" and they then tone it down a bit.

Once though, the women were not in the office and a couple of the guys started saying things that were very derogatory towards women in general. I said to them ... "do you know that you could have just broken a California law and could be sued for creating a hostile work environment? It's not the intention that matters, it's only the effect" One of the guys said to me "that's ok neither Jackie or Stephanie are here right now" .... I replied "how do you know you haven't offended me?" They looked at me with a weird expression on their faces, but they did stop.

[Niya W]

Niya , Captain Lex in most settings I would agree with you but in my it could lead to shall we say unpleasantness , it could get ugly so for me at work I have learned to ignore it with a disgusted look on my face. I will however say something outside of work , it all dpends on one environment so I would suggest exercising caution Carly , my daughter is a chef and I know the kitchen can be a rough place to be in , she started as the help while attending CIA (cullenary institute of America ) and has made it to sue chef to head chef and is now concidering her own resteraunt. Be careful in your desicion dear.

I can roll with it and turn it around. I had a guy that tried to embarrass me by making homophobic remarks to me. He once said I bet you go to gay bars. I looked him in the eye and said i've met some very nice people in gays bars . If you want I can take you to a few in the area. I know with you schedule it can be hard to find a descent man.

[Mitch23]

I would certainly speak up againsyt this sort of behaviour which is unacceptable in any workplace. To do so says nothing about your sexuality. It may be difficult for you but you have right, and the law on your side. One of my colleagues made some homophobic remarks to a gay member of staff. he was immediately in the office for a written warning and has never done it again

Mitch

[Niya W]

e knows better now cause I've humiliated him.

[MsToriJones]

Was just wondering what others would do in my situation if someone at work was making sexist remarks about women. I work in a kitchen (hence my user name) where I am the only "Girl" and sometime's a couple of males start making vile comments about women and their anatomy. I really want to make a comment defending women but daredn't for fear of being ridiculed by the "men". When a GG comes in from the restaurant, I turn round to the GG and say "Am I glad to see you". When they ask why, I tell them "It's because of this lot" meaning the men. I sometimes also say to the GG "What do you expect - they're male". The GG usually makes no comment to that statement. So please could you advise me as what to say/do about the sexist remarks, as it tearing me apart being unable to retaliate againest them.

Oh just remind them that they are talking about their own mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers, etc.