outed myself unintentionally at work

[Victoria Anne]

I was having a debate with the wife of a friend and needed to drive home a point hard and out it came ! think fast I just told her I'm TG , OMG . She to her credit was shocked but kept it a secret even from her husband , my friend , she called me later , a couple of days and talked to me about her discomfort at keeping this from her husband and I told I was sorry I burdened herwith this and told her of my fears of telling him. I was afraid our friendship would be over , she assured me it would not be . I thought about it a while and decided to tell him and to my suprise he,s ok with it, not his cup of tea but okay. There were many questions but its okay. I was shocked when he asked to meet Viccy so he could meet the real me but also said this would be a one time deal but I did make me feel good that he wants to meet me , to know the real me. Sounds good but now that makes four people at work who know and though the company is 10-15,000 people I am afraid it may get out further than my comfort zone , I know there are already suspicions as to my sexuality but if this came out I am unsure what the reaction would be , this business is very unforgiving and a definite dog eat dog job , appearence is important. Sorry for the length of the post and thanks for listening , advice would be appreciated.

[Sedona]

Wow, great story.

I dunno, it seems like these folks are okay with it, so the "worst that can happen," is that more people find out. Unless these folks are very very rare, at some point, others will find out. I think you'll be fine, but in case it doesn't, I'd have a lawyer and a backup plan ready to go.

Best,

[DonnaT]

You're in CA, so, many (it seems) are not surprised by surprising news.

If someone you feel uncomfortable with says something, just ask, "Really? I wonder who started that rumor, and why?"

[Victoria Anne]

Thank you for the replies but I may call CA/AZ home I work out of Missouri and the attitude is very different here. I got into the terminal last night and I am stuck here for now so I am hiding out in my truck.

[Roberta Lynn]

Hi Viccy,
Even though they are your friends and they know you don't want the knowledge of 'Viccy' to become widespread. They could slip up just like you did with the wife.

I would hope a company that size would have policies against any kind of harassment.
Just do you job as you've always done.

As far as your friends. Don't change your relationship with them. I would keep Viccy in the background and only bring up the subject if they want to talk about it and have more questions.

I wouldn't push them meeting Viccy unless they push for a meeting. I'm sure they are curious but let them get acquainted at their own speed. :2c:

[Sedona]

Yes, agree.

I would not give them a view of Vicky. If you do, it will give them another story to tell. Just lay low, don't bring it up, and they'll be less likely to tattle. Out of sight, out of mind I say.

This is of course different if you consider those parties involved your best friends. In that case, you can probably trust them. But, if they're "work friends," caution is in order. Especially in a midwestern state like Missouri.

Best,

[denise-x]

The girls said it all........

Sounds like your a truck driver. If so and it gets to uncomfortable try to schedule to be on the road a lot.

:hugs:
Denise

[Kate Simmons]

I'm retired so really don't care what anyone thinks but if your livelyhood is involved, it's best to keep things to a minimum. Hopefully your friends appreciate that. This hasn't changed you as a person or your quality of work, so it's best to focus on that. What we all do in our private life is our own business anyway and the mildly curious do not need that information. I think you will be okay my friend.:hugs:

[Victoria Anne]

yes I am a truck driver , and I spend far to much time on the road . It is my friend who has suggested the meeting and I do concider them both to be more than work friends so I have no fear of what they would say but rather my fear is that I have slipped up to much and fear what may com if more people find out. In this buisness non-discrimination is nothing more than words on paper , means nothing.That being said we did have two TS drivers here that ran as a team but the harrasment lead to a fight in the drivers lounge and they not the intigators were fired , so you can see were my fears are.

[rickie121x]

Yes, agree. I would not give them a view of Vicky. If you do, it will give them another story to tell. Just lay low, don't bring it up, and they'll be less likely to tattle. Out of sight, out of mind I say.
....Best,

The reason most of us remain behind closed doors, or relatively so, is that no matter what "they" say, our behavior seems to them to be an aberration. That's a fact - sometimes dynamically so, sometimes not quite so much, but important nevertheless.

Rickie

[heidi99]

As another said, you/Vicky are one and the same. I'm not sure why (other than the stated knowledge that you crossdress) your friend would need to SEE Vicky. It takes it to another level of reality, one that some people, despite their stated/good intentions, might not be ready to confront. It seems clear that now YOU are feeling in the hot seat (was your friends wife.) Perhaps it would be alright to just say the reason you told him was to help HIS marriage (so his wife wouldn't have to withhold anything), and since it's "not his cup of tea", that an actual meeting probably wouldn't serve a purpose. :2c:

I hope things work out for you, dear.

[lisa_e_love]

I heartily agree that you shouldn't show them you en femme yet. I would be really wary of a situation where, going into it, your friend has said, "This is going to be a one time only deal." That, like someone else has said, puts you in the hot seat and makes you feel like you are being evaluated.

There is no reason why that side of you should require a critical eye. If he wants to, just because he thinks it would be nice, maybe show him. But the way you said that he phrased it would make me really wary.

[teresa jeen]

i drove for yrs (12) longhaul.boy have we seen it all... like on quite a few loads ive hauled i couldnt let anyone know what exactly was on board.or where i actually was going! you let it slip to her i think the best thing to do would be to let that meeting slip, put it off to not having enough turnaround time or what ever. hopefully it will turn around and go away.my little"secret" was found out at work i found alot of crossed looks and whispering going on. i held my head up and got another job. with a cdl its no biggy to change due to personal probs. you know like not enough home time or such. i live in alabama the best way for me to get home was to tell them(dispatchers) i lived in nj. id get home regular!!!

[Mitch23]

I was in a similar situation at work when i was invited by a small group to a girlie night at the theatre provided that i came as a girl. by doing a 'proper job' i outed myself and had to risk the consequences of them all knowing. and of course they socialise and are related to other people. Nobody deals with me any different now except that i am treated as one of the girls.

Mitch