My way of coming out.....I think????

[Chrissy8888]

Like many of you I am a very closeted CD. I have been dressing for about 25 years. At this point I am not sure I would walk out of my house dressed. You know my neighbors know who I am, I really like most of them and would never want to upset, alarm, or offend any of them. Having said that I think if I can get the confidence I will go out and then get dressed if that makes any sense.

Over the years I have bought all of my female clothing via the internet or over the phone. Just greater anonymity. When I did the phone purchases (always before the internet) I never had anybody question what I was doing in a negative way. I always used the front “it’s for my girlfriend”. I did once have a female customer service rep ask me if it was really for my girlfriend. I being as a loss for words told her “no it is for me”. She was not only polite but told me she would send me out some catalogs in an envelope so nobody would no of other things I might like. Of course now with the internet I just order everything online. Nobody in the order or shipping department will ever really pay attention to who the item is for, right? This has allowed me to stay in the closet.

Well I am thinking that it is time that I take baby steps in coming out. So for me I think my way out is going to be by starting to make in-store purchases (in drab). Hey why not right? If a SA asks me who the item is for I guess I will be upfront with her. The absolute worse thing she could say is “oh” and walk away. I might be dreaming here and this is where you girls come in. She may say “well I would recommend you try that on first and take me to a dressing room. She may also tell me that what ever it is that I am looking for would not look good on me but my offer suggestions.

I think by overcoming my fears and shopping in a store my help be come out. Like I have said I am not sure that I will run around the shopping mall dressed, that is a little to much exposure. However I wouldn’t rule out going out with someone to a restaurant or what not dressed. So I need your thoughts on this? Is it a good way to start coming out? Would I be better off just getting what I want online and then going in dressed? I do live in Denver, which is a large city so during the day there is not much of a chance that I will run into people that directly know me. I really want this to be a good year of self discovery.

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

i needed a new bra for my halloween outfit so i was at k mart and asked the lady if i could try it on, she didnt even bat an eye and then let me use the womens fitting room,,,,they dont care whos buyin what or for who,, so long as u spend money in their store :hugs:

[Kathy Renee]

Chrissy,

You are on a path of self discovery that is somewhat scary in one sense but exciting in another. All the stories that you read on this forum are somewhat similar and there are many parallels. I think your baby steps are a great start. Many of us did not have the internet at first and the only way was to go directly to a store and face the fear. With each step that you take, you will gain knowledge, experience and, I cannot stress enough, confidence. You will discover the level of CDing that is most comfortable for you. I wish you all the best in your journey. And, with a forum such as this for support, I truly believe that you will meet your goals.

[teresa jeen]

i think most SA's only want to go to lunch, break,or home and really dont care who buys what. now if your buying fem hygene prods. thats different. women love to discuss what would look good on "you girl" not on wether they think you should be wearing it.ive gone to places and have a hard time finding the right size pantyhose and the women ther have helped. they dont mind, plus it gives them something to talk about! what it comes down to is do you feel better wearing these clothes or is it just a fantasy to do it?for the MAJORITY of US its more a feeling of being (finally) a complete person, one way or the other, most of us prefere being a woman.

[shirley1]

i think this is part the problem for me at least - with regards to going out dressed from where you live - i live alone - where i used to live big problem in the closet - built up area everyone in the neighbourhood would know within weeks - where i live now no problem quite appartments single people knowone would take any notice - you could walk out the front door and knowone would know you from adam ! or eve ! so i could get my confidence to go out from here quite easily - the only problem is when i move to my next place will it be so easy - i might not give a damn by then but you can see why some people can accommodate people where they live and others cant it really does depend on the set up of where your livin

[Chrissy8888]

Thank you all for your reply's. I just want to say that this seems like maybe a good way to start the coming out (at least a bit) process. Maybe the word I am really looking for is accepting myself more. I do remember when i was totally ashamed of myself for being a CD. Now not so much. I am sure that the SA's really won't care either way since the bottom line is profit. I think my benefit will be "hey I can really do this".

Thanks again,
Chrissy

[vikki2020]

Chrissy,yes you can do this! Next time in a store,even if you are not buying anything,just look around at the other shoppers---no one is paying any attention to you.No one knows you,no one cares!Now, check out the sale adds!:happy:

[Eugenie]

Hi Chrissy,

Your way of coming out that you started appear quite reasonable to me. In fact the most important aspect in your approach is that it is very open minded. You are leaving space for various avenues.

The possibilities that your attitude offers is a reassuring thing as you won't be cornered to a single approach.

With regard to going out "en femme", I've had a very similar personal history to yours: closeted x-dresser for more than 40 years, I never thought that I would ever find myself walking "en femme" in the street. Now I do regularly.

After ordering most of my feminine clothes and underwear in mail order catalogues, I started to go in shops to buy the same things directly. Then it was so easy on the internet, that I bought againg by mail (I should say by e-mail :happy:). But the pleasure of shopping in department stores felt much better. It built my confidence up, but that was not the only factor that helped me become at ease with going out "en femme". Lately I did tell the sales attendents I was buying for myself. They reacted positively in all cases and even offered me to try clothes on, taking me to the try on booth...

But this wasn't enough to help me feelling more at ease "en femme". In my case, and I'm not providing an advice but just sharing experience here, the two most important factors to making me accept my nature and become free to express it publicaly from time to time, were
1/ accessing to the internet wealth of information and discussions
2/ having done a very limited coming out to two female friends

These two factors combined with a better experience while shopping for feminine things have given me the confidence to go out.

Yet, using your expression I'm not sure either that I would walk out of my house dressed... I only do when I'm far away from the place where I live. This is probably another step for "going out". Another nice way is to meet other CDs in meetings such as those organized by Tri Ess (or other CD organizations), there you are "out" to some people who know the feelings other x-dressers have when meeting other people for the first time. In some of these meetings you can even go in drab just to get a feel for what it is like to participate in such meetings...

All the best for your "coming out" baby steps approach.

:hugs:
Eugenie

[dianarg]

I think it's a great way of coming out, as you said there's not much she could say, and even less, do. What I recommend is that you try to got to a store in a different city, preferably far, you'll be less nervous that way. It works for me, I usually go to Pennsylvania.

[tricia_uktv]

Chrissy, firstly good luck!

It may seem too brave but the easiest way to shop is to announce yourself to the SA as a crossdresser first. If she is not happy she will tell you (never happenned to me), otherwise and if the shop is not busy, she will help you - and its great fun.

Enjoy yourself

[Mitch23]

Yes Chrissy - some good advice here -its the way to go and how most of us got started. And be prepared to face your fear - I've not met a SA yet who is unwilling to help and advise. Some are more up for it than others but all will treat you professionally - they want your money and they would like you to come back. you wont be the first tranny they have met and you wont be the last

mitch