looks matter...sad but true.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

just like in all things... (RANT MODE ON )

as i go out more and meet more girls, i am finding that looks matter alot...it seems the "pretty" and "passable/semi passable" girls gravitate to each other and things seem very like we are a bunch of high school girls ...some girls seem popular etc...

i also think (and its a shame\) that it matters even more to people we come across...it seems that if tgirl can get her look to be femme enough then she is accepted much more readily...even though I KNOW ON THE INSIDE we are all feeling the same way....its true for gg's too and as i've spent more time "out" ..

it's interesting to think back over the years how many times my friends or people i was with commented on some gg who was either "plump" or very unattractive...thats just the society we live in and women are judged on looks and i guess so are we


i think that sux, but i also think the reality is that its not gonna change anytime soon...

(RANT MODE OFF)

jsut had to get that off my chest

[Niya W]

for me when I hang out with the girls looks don't matter. It attitude and do you dress appropriate for the venue

[Nicole Erin]

just like in all things... (RANT MODE ON )

as i go out more and meet more girls, i am finding that looks matter alot...it seems the "pretty" and "passable/semi passable" girls gravitate to each other and things seem very like we are a bunch of high school girls ...some girls seem popular etc...Yes, it sucks that we CD's are kind of limited on our prospects of friends, yet we subdivide ourselves even more. I don't know really just how much our passability matters with who we will associate with. There are definately cliques among our CD community. I have noticed that and seen it countless times online and real life

i also think (and its a shame\) that it matters even more to people we come across...it seems that if tgirl can get her look to be femme enough then she is accepted much more readily...even though I KNOW ON THE INSIDE we are all feeling the same way....its true for gg's too and as i've spent more time "out" ..So you mean that a pretty CD is more likely to be accepted, even if people know she is CD?

it's interesting to think back over the years how many times my friends or people i was with commented on some gg who was either "plump" or very unattractive...thats just the society we live in and women are judged on looks and i guess so are we

i think that sux, but i also think the reality is that its not gonna change anytime soon...

(RANT MODE OFF)

jsut had to get that off my chest

People are judgemental. The thing is, the "beautiful" people [regardless of gender ID] are harder to make friends with. A lot of them think they are too good for anyone. It is normally the "beautiful" people who are in the cliques.
Once again I don't know just how true that holds for the CD community... probably to some extent.

Myself, I am willing to give pretty much anyone a fair chance. Friendships don't always work out but I don't snub my nose at anyone.

As CD's, part of our mind is female.

Umm something else - People that seem to have all these friends, looks or not, it might have something to do with how shy they are. I am not a bit shy but often when I try to connect with another CD sister, they chicken out. I am not seeking a fling, just friends. Shyness and having friends do not go hand in hand.

[Kim_Bitzflick]

I agree that it is sad, but true BUT....

In the end most of "it" is in your attitude. I've seen overweight people who exude confidence and friendliness and I like them way better than the "pretty" ones who are self centered. I think that once a person gets past their outward self (and likes who they are no matter how they look), they can be a very attractive person.

Lesson learned: Like yourself and others will like you as well. (but as with everything, this "one size" does not fit all).

Just my opinion.

[Niya W]

I'm bit over weight. But dressing made me take a second look at women. Most of them dont look like models. Seen lots oft hem that were big, that did have sexy look. Seen some that I could of sworn looked like men but how the carried them self you new they were women. It made me stop and think about things and how I looked. For the longest time I didnt like the way I looked.

[Sherlyn]

I dont think its the looks that matter ...rather more of ..how you make yourself look...if your just trying to blend in with the girls..then your look is perfect..if your going for loud then your going to most likely shy others away..then wonder why ..the hardest ppl to approach for myself are the drag queens ,,,,dunno why but the place some kinda ..we are superior..vibe out ...least most I know

[MJ]

how true there are gorgeous t-girls out there that make me look like an ugly sister .. thats why i enjoy a quiet hang out for friendship and chat , have you notice the hot t-girl are involved in some bad behaviors .. drugs etc how sad ..if thats being popular then thank god i am not popular

[MsJanessa]

I dont think its the looks that matter ...rather more of ..how you make yourself look...if your just trying to blend in with the girls..then your look is perfect..if your going for loud then your going to most likely shy others away..then wonder why ..the hardest ppl to approach for myself are the drag queens ,,,,dunno why but the place some kinda ..we are superior..vibe out ...least most I know

I dunno---I kind of like the over the top drag queen type --to a girl they exude self confidence which I find very attractive---and some of the most "passable" girls I know are quite plain---look feminine in the way My great aunts did when I was young. One friend of Mine, god bless her, always passes and blends in---until she opens her mouth---she's about 5'7" and about 230 lbs---and dresses most of the time like a librarian---you would pass right by her at the mall without a second glance--but is she attractive?--well to each her own

[Kate Simmons]

Good grief, say it isn't so Hon. How shallow can people get? Some forget, I don't. It wasn't too long ago that I definately looked like a "guy in a dress" (maybe I still do, I dunno or care really but I pay the mirror off :heehee:). My friends are my friends regardless, "good", "bad" or otherwise and no way I would act that way. Besides, it makes me feel good seeing them have a good time and no way would I ever be ashamed to associate with them.:happy:

[Lisa Golightly]

I prefer to gravitate toward... more... unique personalities... so in my 'league of extraodinary friends' there are some very interesting people who lead interesting and often quite bizarre lives. Their looks are quite inconsequential.

[Deborah Jane]

I would answer but as you,re prettier than me i won,t bother:tongueout

[sterling12]

The World worships beauty. We are bombarded with messages that tell us that very thing, everyday. And, I don't disagree with you. It gets easier for Gurl's who look more feminine, that are more easily accepted, make friends quicker, get treated better, etc., etc..

However, remember that no matter how pretty you look, someone is always going to look better. Some of the most insecure GG's I have known and dated were the prettiest. They were always looking over their shoulder, they felt they had no worth, except for their looks, and a lot of the vanity was a cover-up for their fears.

So, if you feel that others have an advantage...do something about it. You might not be the prettiest, but you can have a better personality, you can be "cuter." You can do other compensating things, that help to offset what you might feel you lack.

Life goes on, find friends who don't care about how you look, find people who see that you have other worth.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

People are judgemental. The thing is, the "beautiful" people [regardless of gender ID] are harder to make friends with. A lot of them think they are too good for anyone. It is normally the "beautiful" people who are in the cliques.
Once again I don't know just how true that holds for the CD community... probably to some extent.

Myself, I am willing to give pretty much anyone a fair chance. Friendships don't always work out but I don't snub my nose at anyone.

As CD's, part of our mind is female.

Umm something else - People that seem to have all these friends, looks or not, it might have something to do with how shy they are. I am not a bit shy but often when I try to connect with another CD sister, they chicken out. I am not seeking a fling, just friends. Shyness and having friends do not go hand in hand.

We think alike on many levels.

From my perspective, (being one of the "popular" pretty cds), I have never just hung out with the pretty Cd/Tg as anyone can become a good friend and I don't like to miss out on opportunity that can make for wonderful memories later on when the looks are gone.
I have a lot of really cool friends from a ton of backgrounds and lifestyles and if I were to ignore them becuase of how they look or "pass"... well that would make me pretty shallow.
There aren't many here i wouldn't love to hang out with.

*hugs*

Zara

[Eugenie]

In matter of beauty isn't the saying "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder" true?

It all depends upon the expectations of the people one entertains relations with. When I go out with some sisters, there is no problem about "beauty".

But by and large, I think that the best thing to do is to try not to attract attention. Dress like other women your age and body features would, and according to the circumstances that you had planned to experience when preparing yourself to go out.

There are beautiful women and not so beautiful women that don't foster reactions just because the way they behave (Dress code, attitudes etc.) is calling for respect from others.

I think that it is even more important for us CDs to try to foster the same respectful public reactions, whether we are very pretty or not so pretty...

:hugs:
Eugenie

[AmandaM]

I guess you could call me semi-passable. I am guilty of gravitating toward passable/semi's. I think it's just cause I wanted to be like them, to be accepted by them. That sort of thing.

[shirley1]

i am plannin on going to a tg meeting in a weeks time so i will let you know my experience - according to the site they welcome and treat people the same regardless of how they look - i did go to a tg private meetin a few years back and i was treated very well but then again i am very outgoing as a person anyway ie i'll talk to anyone - but i get where your coming from on the clickie circle i guess - the only thing that bothers me is not so much how good i look but some of them go out to clubs pubs restaurants ect and if you dont have the confidence to go with them ie just stay at the venue will they consider you as part of their crowd - most cders i think i really nice genuine caring non judgemental people - but i guess like in all walks of life you get some arrogant ones who just like to judge others on their motives and looks within cding

[Sally24]

it seems the "pretty" and "passable/semi passable" girls gravitate to each other and things seem very like we are a bunch of high school girls ...some girls seem popular etc...

Quite a few girls are going thru their "high school days" now so it's no wonder that some behave that way. We never went thru the maturing process as a girl and I think that is quite different than going thru it as a boy. I've never been one for cliques so I try to be aware of that tendency and avoid it. It's hard sometimes because I was never popular as a guy, but now as a girl, I am! Never had to develope those skills.

[Angie G]

That is the reality and it dose suck. And we of all people should not practice this :hugs:
Angie

[battybattybats]

I prefer to gravitate toward... more... unique personalities... so in my 'league of extraodinary friends' there are some very interesting people who lead interesting and often quite bizarre lives. Their looks are quite inconsequential.

Oh I concur entirely. While beauty has it's place it's how interesting the person is underneath that makes for lasting friendship or lasting attraction!

[docrobbysherry]

Maybe not with everyone, or at all times, but pretty girls generally get more attention than plain Janes. And men r the worst about this! I know this first hand!

However, Sherry and I welcome all of u to our closet whenever u stop by. Unless the door is locked and the "Do not disturb" sign is up! That means I'm busy with a pretty lady!
RS

[Michellebej]

I agree that being passable is not the same as being "Pretty". I have been told that I pass fairly well. More often than not I am told I remind people of thier favourite Aunt.

On the flip side, I have had some bad experiances with TS girls that have already been through transition and are now considered women.

I have had, more than one occasion where a TS has gotten very upset with me because of my ability to pass. I have had beer dropped on my blouse, a cigerette dumped in my pizza, and on one occasion the two girls at the table left when I sat down. This was a lesbian bar, and I started to sit with some lesbian friends I had made. Which made matters even worse, as neither of those girls were liked by the local Lesbians.

I don't want to sound like this was something that all of my sisters did. Just two or three. I still hung out with the rest of my sisters and had a good time on other occasions.

Love

Michelle

[Kaitlyn Michele]

lots of interesting thoughts.. it was just on my mind...



its an interesting twist to think that a frumpy tgirl might get along in the world better than a sexy but not totally passable tgirl due to the attention..

i guess what i'm really saying is i hope we all treat each other great no matter what we look like

[vivianann]

I have noticed the same thing too, when at big crossdressing functions.

[crusadergirl]

No matter what you look like i will always treat ppl the sameway. I'm not going to say looks don't matter because they do. I worked pretty hard to look good and i got called ugly. Even thought it was only one person it made me look at why i was even dressing in the first place.
but like always i got over it. I don't know what my place is as cd b/c i don't think of myself as one, i'm just who i am.

[Raquel June]

Beauty is a real yin and yang thing. It can be bad, but would we really want it any differently? If there was no judgment, there would be no reward for working very hard to be pretty. Even if people aren't overtly judgmental, the nicest ones will still respond a little differently to you depending on how you look that way.

In the end, though, we are all usually our own harshest critic. If you lighten up, you'll realize people aren't that mean. Just have some self-respect, be friendly, and don't hang out with jerks.


In the end most of "it" is in your attitude. I've seen overweight people who exude confidence and friendliness and I like them way better than the "pretty" ones who are self centered. I think that once a person gets past their outward self (and likes who they are no matter how they look), they can be a very attractive person.

Exactly. I do notice the more attractive/passable girls hanging out together, but that doesn't mean there aren't some real manly ones in the mix.

I was at a club last night and was talking and joking around with a couple girls at the bar. I was just in the mindset that I was hanging out with a couple hotties having fun. Even as I read this thread, I was thinking, "I guess I'm guilty of that," because I kinda felt bad for a couple girls who were sort of being wallflowers at the other end of the bar.

But as I look back on it, I wasn't just hanging out with the cute girls. One of the two I was primarily talking to happened to be about 6' 4", 280 lbs, late 40's. It was her first night out, wearing a lime green wig and some fleece top that didn't fit, a jean skirt and fuzzy slippers. It was a dark bar, though, and she didn't really stand out as looking bad -- it was actually really cool the way the black light hit her green wig and green feather boa. To be fair her wife did an excellent job on her makeup. But anyway, she had decent makeup and was smiling, and just being very cool and friendly, and I was having fun talking to her. It was the highlight of my night. And I did go over and try to talk to all the wallflowers.

I guess I'm just saying that there is a trend of cuter girls hanging out together, but if you remember in highschool, there were always a few unattractive yet inexplicably cool girls. They were the ones who had a good personality and confidence. The same is true for us.

In the drag queen world it's about the same. There are some pretty scary queens who put on a great show, and there are some amazing, totally passable queens who can't lip sync, dance, or even stand up straight.



I guess you could call me semi-passable. I am guilty of gravitating toward passable/semi's. I think it's just cause I wanted to be like them, to be accepted by them. That sort of thing.

I find myself doing that. I just become infatuated with some of the prettier girls. I'm always complementing them and trying to pick up advice.

[MsJanessa]

I agree that being passable is not the same as being "Pretty". I have been told that I pass fairly well. More often than not I am told I remind people of thier favourite Aunt.

On the flip side, I have had some bad experiances with TS girls that have already been through transition and are now considered women.

I have had, more than one occasion where a TS has gotten very upset with me because of my ability to pass. I have had beer dropped on my blouse, a cigerette dumped in my pizza, and on one occasion the two girls at the table left when I sat down. This was a lesbian bar, and I started to sit with some lesbian friends I had made. Which made matters even worse, as neither of those girls were liked by the local Lesbians.

I don't want to sound like this was something that all of my sisters did. Just two or three. I still hung out with the rest of my sisters and had a good time on other occasions.

Love

Michelle

don't worry about the reaction of some of the TSs---probably having difficulty with their estrogen levels on that particular day