lifes not simple

[staxscd]

why is this? ive been on this message board for only a couple of weeks and i thought it was helping me and my SO start to talk ....but no due to my lack of message witing ability i succeded in upsetting her just after she had done something nice for me yet again.
i mean whats the point all dressing does is cause pain to someone either the SO or the dresser ( admit it deep down it gets you sometime )

sorry for the rant..

[jennydl]

It's Ok,rant away,it may make you feel better(works for me) give yourself some time to get used to the forum.It will get easier and become more helpfull
jenny

[Dee Jay]

Acceptance is a pendulum. It swings about, and this swing isn't always predictable.
My now fully accepting and supporting wife used to swing around wildly. One moment she'd be OK with me wearing underwear, and the next day she's go bonkers at me.

Your SO has done something nice for you. Work with that. make her feel good about it. Show her how happy you are by doing nice things. Don't do what I (and many others) have done...

My wife would allow me to do something... I'd hapilly go off and do it... Then I'd push for the next thing. My thinking was strike whilst the iron is hot...
This doesn't work with SOs :(

I don't know how you've upset her, you didn't say, but give it time, and take things slowly. Be open and honest, but also be very careful.
I'm useless at picking up on my wife's mood. I've put my foot in it many times, and I'm sure that I still will.
For a long time for every step forward, we'd take 2 steps back, just because I mis-judged or pushed for more.

It's taken 20 years for my wife to become the accepting and supporting woman she is now. For most of that time I felt like I was banging my head against a wall. Being a CD isn't easy. it's not something we choose. It chooses us. We just have to try and make things as good as they can be.

I still get feelings of guilt. I still sometimes look at myself in the mirror and think "what the bloody hell are you doing?", I still think "That's it, I'm stopping", and most worrying of all is that I still sometimes upset my wife by venturing into those areas that she is still uncomfortable with.

It sounds like you have a great SO. Stick with it. You'll be OK, but just remember what you did to upset her and make a mental note not to do it again.... If you are anything like me, you will do it again, but wait a loooong time or you'll be sleeping on the sofa :)

Good luck

DJ

PS... Ranting is good.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Staxs

Not everyone is good at writing messages but it can get better

The more you read here you will find examples to help you

You dont say exacty how this was a problem


Oh and we all need a good rant from time to time :hugs:

[Angie G]

Well I think you should do lots of nice thing for her. and start now hun :hugs:
Angie

[Sandra]

Can you be a bit more specfic as to what upset her then maybe we can help a little more.


Oh and it's good to :rant:

[Pink Satin Sissy]

You're in a difficult position and it's one that a lot of married, closet cd's are in. I have told my wife that I wanted to dress up and she went crazy. I told her it was just a fantasy and a way to get in touch with my fem side.
I never brought it up to her again until we went to a football game and had too much to drink. I took her to a Hustler store and bought her some vibrating panties. WHOA! She loved them and she wore them all through dinner. She was sooo horney that I dropped the cd hint again. Much to my suprise, she was ok with it.
My point is this, you never know what they're going to say. One minute, they are disgusted with it, the next minute, they are ok with it.
Hmmmmm.

Pink

[Joanne f]

In some ways the first time you start talking can be the hardest as you want to get it all out as quick as possible but quite often the SO wants to take it more slowly to understand what is going on, do not worry about message writing skills it can be quite hard to know what to say and how to put it some times , i never seam to put things down in words the same way as how i am thinking them, but they are a good lot on here and they will know what you are trying to say as i am sure your SO will as well .
And yes Cding can be quite hard at times on all who get caught up in it , but just remember we are all here to help .



joanne

[StacyCD]

If your SO wasn't important to you, you wouldn't be worried about upsetting her. Talk to her and ask her what is upsetting her. Compromise is difficult for anyone but in the long run it may be the way to win the war! Good luck!

[Fab Karen]

Couples therapy would be a good idea. & talk about all of your other issues before getting into the CD stuff.