TeaPirateFox
01-17-2008, 05:24 AM
First off all, I'd like to say Greetings to everyone and I hope your all doing well. I'm about to spill alot and later in my story it'll make more sense. And none of this is for pity, but trust me, it'll help you understand me more.
Stumbling across all of this has honestly lifted a great burden of my little heart, no longer leaving me laying in bed going "What now?" I no longer feel like I need to hide something here. I can just drop it all because we're all the same deep down.
As you've all probably guessed this early in the story. I'm a FtM. I have been all my life. While all the other little girls had their dresses and dolls, I was the one running around the farm yard in a pair of black courderoy pants and some sweater of some sort, getting stuck in the muck and riding around cattle. Yes, cattle. And my families treated me as a little boy since then. Heh. Its funny how little things stay in your head. I still remember those pants and those sweaters. Moving on.
I've lived with my grandparents most of life actually. My mom was really sick most of the time. Not pyschially ill, but she suffered with alot of mental ailments, a few that were her fault. But she loved me dearly and I loved her right back. We were all we had in the world really. And even though she messed up right in the begining, her love made me into the individual I am today and I'm sure is the reason why I didn't end up as messed up as I could.
I've got a fiery spirit. Definatly. I won't even try to be modest about it. You hear those stories of children being born while their ma was on the pill and the dad had wrapped their tool? I'm one of those. But I got lucky when it came to my mom. NEVER did she tell me I was a mistake when I knew I was. All she told me (my grandpa tells me the exact same speel) 'You've got a fighters spirit. Some fiery determinations. You decided you were going to exist and you did. And we're happy your with us.'
My ma and I moved with her third husband to Edmonton when I was eight and we were both miserable for the move. I'm a farm boy. What can I say. A farm pirate. Yarrr.
Four years later I lost my ma. My soundboard. My strong wall. My protector. The one who knew I should have been a male before even I knew it. She was gone. Suicide. I was 12 and didnt know what to do about it. This is where the fun starts. Some serious soul searching took place.
I was introduced to the internet. (Yes. I lived in a hole! I know! I didn't have internet till I was 12!) I was introduced to chat rooms. And new people. And what was the first identity I grabbed onto? Male. Max. I was Max (later evolving into Maxik) and I loved it. I felt liberated. Everyone treated me as a male and I cut my hair. I bleached it and I fell into the maleness. I embraced it. The cutting of my hair is significant. It was down to my ass (sorry for the language). And I got a 'pixie' cut. My mas third husband was never around so in a way, I became the male of the house .The fun part was at the time I went to an all girls school. And this is when I really learned that Max was who I felt I should always be. I was mistaken for peoples brothers. We'd be in the mall and I would be the one called sir. I loved it, but hated school for obvious reasons.
My grandparents grabbed custody right as the year ended and I was bumped back to my farm where Max continued to become more and more apart of me. I was put in a normal school. By normal I mean co-ed public. I remember being screamed at the second I set foot in the girls locker room. Gym was a fun task. And through the years, I continued to grow and grow.
And I finally decided that this was what I wanted. I didn't want to be a girl. I wanted to be a boy and I sat down and told my grandma. We agreed it was something we couldn't tell my grandpa. But she said she'd embrace it and learn as much of it as she could.
And finally something hit me. I wanted love. But being where I live, if I dated a girl, she'd be expecting a dick. Same with a guy. There was no way anyone here was going accept it. And I started to crumble. I started to fall apart. And I did somethings out of desperation. Nothing bad, but things that I wouldn't usually save for such important moments.
One of them being, I went and had my tarot cards read. I do love this kind of thing but it was one of those moments where it wasn't something I'd normally do. I was told the basics and one things stuck out. Love. I was going to meet someone. A boy for that matter. I shrugged it off and went home, deciding I was done and I was going to go looking for my ma. I was done with this cruel world.
It was maybe about a week after I had my cards read that I was cleaning everything up so my family , my grandparents, wouldn't have to. And one of them was deleting all my usernames and profiles. I'm was on my yahoo, getting ready to close everything down when someone stepped into my life. A roleplayer. Yes I text rp and its fun, but I wasn't really in the mood. But something clicked and I agreed to a round, thinking what could it hurt .
And I became attached.
And I didn't kill myself (obviously), because I wanted to talk to this boy everyday. He met me as male though. But we did talk every day. And it went beyond roleplaying.
And this is where my amazing HunnyBunny (oh god he'll kill me if he knows I posted that to the public XP) Eric came into my life. And its been amazing two years that I've been able to call this boy my own. The only thing I would EVER even THINK about changing about him is that I'm here in Canada and he's there in Connecticut -paws at the computer screen longingly- But he's coming to visit me this summer like the dear he is and we'll see where we go from there. But as I said, he met me as a boy, now knows that I'm not equipped as one (That was such an emotional night for me) and he's been amazing about it. He still respects me and treats me as what he knows I want to be, and loves me. He really does spoil me ^^.
And that meeting made me re-evaluate my life. And I've learned things I love about myself. So now comes the fun stuff XP
My names Maxik. As my username states, I'm a TEA PIRATE. Emphasis on that. Oh I love my tea. Almost about as much as my rum and my Eric. The 'Fox' in my username is in loyalty to my guiding spirit whos done nothing but help, guide, and protect me. Yes. I believe in guiding spirits. And mine is a small fox, we're both scavengers. Once you get to know me more, you'll learn that I can take anything and get something useful out of it.. I meditate often and sometimes go deep, looking for my deities. I've met them once (You all think I'm nuts ><).
I've been a lurker here for awhile and finally joined, there has been so much information here that has helped me feel so much better about everything. I've been 'male' for as long as I can remember and I have a pretty supportive family. I actually had my grandmother mention how she loved having a 'young boy' around the house to eat all the leftovers. (I swear there was a mix up when I was being made. I have a natural aura and qualities of a male. I just have the body of a female). I'm into japanese animation (anime) and draw it quite a bit. I like to design and create things.
AND...
I'm always up for conversation, not matter what about. I have alot of experience under my belt that I'm also open to listen to anything and help with whatever problems if anyone is looking for someone. But I'm also up to general chat, I'm pretty open-minded even beyond trans.
Anyone is more than welcome to drop me a line because I am more than thrilled and am as excited as a child on christmas morning to meet all of you amazing individuals.
Cheerz for now!
Maxik the Tea Pirate
Stumbling across all of this has honestly lifted a great burden of my little heart, no longer leaving me laying in bed going "What now?" I no longer feel like I need to hide something here. I can just drop it all because we're all the same deep down.
As you've all probably guessed this early in the story. I'm a FtM. I have been all my life. While all the other little girls had their dresses and dolls, I was the one running around the farm yard in a pair of black courderoy pants and some sweater of some sort, getting stuck in the muck and riding around cattle. Yes, cattle. And my families treated me as a little boy since then. Heh. Its funny how little things stay in your head. I still remember those pants and those sweaters. Moving on.
I've lived with my grandparents most of life actually. My mom was really sick most of the time. Not pyschially ill, but she suffered with alot of mental ailments, a few that were her fault. But she loved me dearly and I loved her right back. We were all we had in the world really. And even though she messed up right in the begining, her love made me into the individual I am today and I'm sure is the reason why I didn't end up as messed up as I could.
I've got a fiery spirit. Definatly. I won't even try to be modest about it. You hear those stories of children being born while their ma was on the pill and the dad had wrapped their tool? I'm one of those. But I got lucky when it came to my mom. NEVER did she tell me I was a mistake when I knew I was. All she told me (my grandpa tells me the exact same speel) 'You've got a fighters spirit. Some fiery determinations. You decided you were going to exist and you did. And we're happy your with us.'
My ma and I moved with her third husband to Edmonton when I was eight and we were both miserable for the move. I'm a farm boy. What can I say. A farm pirate. Yarrr.
Four years later I lost my ma. My soundboard. My strong wall. My protector. The one who knew I should have been a male before even I knew it. She was gone. Suicide. I was 12 and didnt know what to do about it. This is where the fun starts. Some serious soul searching took place.
I was introduced to the internet. (Yes. I lived in a hole! I know! I didn't have internet till I was 12!) I was introduced to chat rooms. And new people. And what was the first identity I grabbed onto? Male. Max. I was Max (later evolving into Maxik) and I loved it. I felt liberated. Everyone treated me as a male and I cut my hair. I bleached it and I fell into the maleness. I embraced it. The cutting of my hair is significant. It was down to my ass (sorry for the language). And I got a 'pixie' cut. My mas third husband was never around so in a way, I became the male of the house .The fun part was at the time I went to an all girls school. And this is when I really learned that Max was who I felt I should always be. I was mistaken for peoples brothers. We'd be in the mall and I would be the one called sir. I loved it, but hated school for obvious reasons.
My grandparents grabbed custody right as the year ended and I was bumped back to my farm where Max continued to become more and more apart of me. I was put in a normal school. By normal I mean co-ed public. I remember being screamed at the second I set foot in the girls locker room. Gym was a fun task. And through the years, I continued to grow and grow.
And I finally decided that this was what I wanted. I didn't want to be a girl. I wanted to be a boy and I sat down and told my grandma. We agreed it was something we couldn't tell my grandpa. But she said she'd embrace it and learn as much of it as she could.
And finally something hit me. I wanted love. But being where I live, if I dated a girl, she'd be expecting a dick. Same with a guy. There was no way anyone here was going accept it. And I started to crumble. I started to fall apart. And I did somethings out of desperation. Nothing bad, but things that I wouldn't usually save for such important moments.
One of them being, I went and had my tarot cards read. I do love this kind of thing but it was one of those moments where it wasn't something I'd normally do. I was told the basics and one things stuck out. Love. I was going to meet someone. A boy for that matter. I shrugged it off and went home, deciding I was done and I was going to go looking for my ma. I was done with this cruel world.
It was maybe about a week after I had my cards read that I was cleaning everything up so my family , my grandparents, wouldn't have to. And one of them was deleting all my usernames and profiles. I'm was on my yahoo, getting ready to close everything down when someone stepped into my life. A roleplayer. Yes I text rp and its fun, but I wasn't really in the mood. But something clicked and I agreed to a round, thinking what could it hurt .
And I became attached.
And I didn't kill myself (obviously), because I wanted to talk to this boy everyday. He met me as male though. But we did talk every day. And it went beyond roleplaying.
And this is where my amazing HunnyBunny (oh god he'll kill me if he knows I posted that to the public XP) Eric came into my life. And its been amazing two years that I've been able to call this boy my own. The only thing I would EVER even THINK about changing about him is that I'm here in Canada and he's there in Connecticut -paws at the computer screen longingly- But he's coming to visit me this summer like the dear he is and we'll see where we go from there. But as I said, he met me as a boy, now knows that I'm not equipped as one (That was such an emotional night for me) and he's been amazing about it. He still respects me and treats me as what he knows I want to be, and loves me. He really does spoil me ^^.
And that meeting made me re-evaluate my life. And I've learned things I love about myself. So now comes the fun stuff XP
My names Maxik. As my username states, I'm a TEA PIRATE. Emphasis on that. Oh I love my tea. Almost about as much as my rum and my Eric. The 'Fox' in my username is in loyalty to my guiding spirit whos done nothing but help, guide, and protect me. Yes. I believe in guiding spirits. And mine is a small fox, we're both scavengers. Once you get to know me more, you'll learn that I can take anything and get something useful out of it.. I meditate often and sometimes go deep, looking for my deities. I've met them once (You all think I'm nuts ><).
I've been a lurker here for awhile and finally joined, there has been so much information here that has helped me feel so much better about everything. I've been 'male' for as long as I can remember and I have a pretty supportive family. I actually had my grandmother mention how she loved having a 'young boy' around the house to eat all the leftovers. (I swear there was a mix up when I was being made. I have a natural aura and qualities of a male. I just have the body of a female). I'm into japanese animation (anime) and draw it quite a bit. I like to design and create things.
AND...
I'm always up for conversation, not matter what about. I have alot of experience under my belt that I'm also open to listen to anything and help with whatever problems if anyone is looking for someone. But I'm also up to general chat, I'm pretty open-minded even beyond trans.
Anyone is more than welcome to drop me a line because I am more than thrilled and am as excited as a child on christmas morning to meet all of you amazing individuals.
Cheerz for now!
Maxik the Tea Pirate