Felix, Loosing the Plot no Joke!!!

[Felix]

Hi my friends well I think it's all caught up with me. Felix the brave, more like Felix the shriveled mess. I carried on and went to work after the split with my ex carried on like nothing had happened cos thought it was all for the best. Now its been 6 months and its all hitting me like a tone of bricks. I thought the crying was over but its all started again, not a day goes by when I don't cry for something. My mum sent me £10 towards my food today and that made me cry, so stupid!
I'm off work cos it's all got too much I feel like an outcast from the people who I am one of cos none of them want to know someone like me with difference like mine. Maybe thats not entirely true but thats how it feels right now. I feel like I don't wanna go back to work right now but i don't know how to get round it without saying I'm stressed and I don't want that or depression on my record cos that will wreck my chances of a different career path. Talking of which I feel like I'm being forced down the route of changing jobs and I don't want to because of my present financial situation which has been caused by my ex grrrr!!!
Then there is all this rubbish feeling female spritually and male mentally. Oh to all the Gods whats all this about why now why did this all have to come out at all, why couldn't it have stayed in it's little box where it was quite happy?? Because now I'm screwed and unhappy with my life. I feel like I wanna hide away but thats not a good option when there are people out there who do accept me for me and look after me.
It all the fear of being alone for the rest of my life, not being able to trust again and let anyone close to me in terms of a relationship because I am afraid of being hurt again. I'm 41 and getting no younger and the future feels very scary to me xx Felix :hugs:

[TeaPirateFox]

Oh my dear Felix...

First off.

:hugs:

I understand where your coming from, I'm still young though. So I can't do much more then provide a hint of comfort till someone more on in years and deeper in wisdom comes along.

While things harsh and your Pandoras box has opened, take saftey in the knowledge that there are those who understand where your coming from. Perhaps take a moment to re-evaluate whats going on in your life. I know after my own Pandoras box opened, thats what I did and it changed things for the better, so far. Things are still a little rocky because it involved removing two people who had been active parts of my life.

But we're all here to help you the best we can.
Because I'm sure generally consensus is we love you.

Cheer up dear.
Maxik.

[Felix]

Thanx Hun you seem mature for your years so don't worry about age that's irrelevant to me. What is important to me is that what is said is said with sensitivity, wisdom and understanding :happy: I think your lifes journey has given you these things xx Felix :hugs::hugs:

[TeaPirateFox]

I can understand the wanting for love. And the feeling of not wanting to be alone. But you are bound to find someone, just keep your eyes and heart open and that person will fall into your lap (and most likely head over heels)

Eric and mine , our situation was a fluke and we've admitted as such.

I believe in flukes. But I also believe in the twins of Destiny and Fate, because they always seem to be working together.

Could it be that they've held love at a distance right now to aid you in understand and evaluation of whats going on so you can step out with at most a few scratches instead of dropping love on you and have you not step out of the situation at all?

[Felix]

Yeah I do believe in things happening for a reason and probably this has happened for a reason. I know I can't move on right now I'm stuck in a rut, probably clutching at straws that may never happen. That's probably my own insecurities after being so secure for the last six years. Thanx Hun xx Felix :hugs::hugs:

[TeaPirateFox]

Well, if you feel that you can't move forward, may I suggest making the current situation more comfortable?

Try tea. Tea is natures gift to all those who know how to use it.

Its all I ever drink, warm, hot, cold. I'm known to ALWAYS have tea on my person, but Im' also a bit of a nutter.

If you do try tea, try Green. Variations of it work as well.

And I also reccomend Rooibos for its anti-oxidant capabilities. And the fact that is decaf is a plus. Its actually an all natural tea found in Africa. I personally reccomend Rooibos Rainbow.

Also, for once I'm being relevant, if you have a Cargo & James anywhere around, they have a tea called a 'Stress Reliever' and it does work wonders and seems convient for your situation. If not, find a tea specialist in your area (Steeps works as well) and ask questions.

Oh wow, I rambled. I'm sorry dear. That was more of a shameless plug of knowledge then a helpful post.

So I'll give a few extra hugs for comfort.

:hugs::hugs::hugs:
Cheerz, Maxik
:hugs::hugs::hugs:

PS: Yes. I'm a bit of a naturalist. You probably guessed it from the tea ramble. I'm only that way when it comes to medicines though.

[Felix]

Funny you should mention green tea have been thinking alot about green coffee cos really don't like tea although have had black current infusion thats nice xx Felix :hugs::hugs::hugs: back at ya lol ramble any time I'm renowned for it lol my philosophical side xx

[TeaPirateFox]

Its just that when it comes to things I know I go on and on.

And I happen to know quite a bit about tea and believe in its healing powers because its gotten me out of alot of trouble as of late

Cheerz,Maxik :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Felix]

Lol I have competition then lol!!! xx Felix :hugs::hugs:

[TeaPirateFox]

Or a partner in crime

Cheerz, Maxik :hugs:

[AmberTG]

Hi Felix,
I can relate to what you're going through right now! My marriage ended last May, and it was tough going for a while! It ended by her choice and I just had to deal with it.
The feelings you have right now are part of the grieving process, it's not too different from the death of a loved one as far as the feelings of loss and grief go. You think you're going to be able to deal with it, and then the feelings of loss sneak up on you and rip your world apart.
It will get better, it takes time, but you will get through it! You just have to go through the process and get it out of your system. It probably feels like the end of the world right now, I've been there too. It will get better, I promise!
41 is not that old! Try it at 52. It's still no fun at all.

[Felix]

Thanx Amber (((((((((Hugs))))))))))) xx Felix :hugs:

[mylitta]

Posted a long reply to this, which got lost with the forum problems. Probably a good thing.... but the gist was, of course you are feeling bad because of the things that have happened, and you have to give yourself permission to grieve for your lost relationship. I came out of a 17 year marriage at 43 and thought that was the end, but now I have a wonderful partner, and my 30 year teaching career ended -badly- with stress and depression. So I know what it is like to be at the bottom of that black hole, and it does feel like it is never going to get better, but it does. It just takes time, and you have to give yourself the time.

Some things that helped me: looking after myself physically, taking walks, getting fresh air (you need 30mins of direct daylight on your retinas each day to keep up your serotonin levels). Look after your diet, find someone to talk to. It's surprising how many people have had depression, they just don't talk about it.

You may end up with fewer friends, but you know the ones who stick by you are true friends. And you won't be alone forever- you are far too nice a person for that.

Oh well, this is just as long, sorry. if anything is useful, I'm glad, feel free to ignore any/ all of it.

[Felix]

Hi Mylitta and thanx for your warm words of comfort :hugs::hugs: and understanding xx Felix :hugs:

[TeaPirateFox]

-nudges Felix in the shoulder- See man! Karmas coming back to reward your kindness. Your warmth and generosity. You now have an army of the worlds best behind you with nothing but love and support!

[Felix]

Hi Max my friend :hugs::hugs::hugs: back at ya sweets xxxx Felix :love:

[TeaPirateFox]

Flowers!? For me!? Oh you shouldn't have!!! :hugs:!!!!!

[kerrianna]

Hiya Felix ol' pal. :hugs::hugs::hugs:

I said exactly the same thing as you today:

Oh to all the Gods whats all this about why now why did this all have to come out at all, why couldn't it have stayed in it's little box where it was quite happy?? Because now I'm screwed and unhappy with my life. I feel like I wanna hide away but thats not a good option when there are people out there who do accept me for me and look after me.

But you know what? I'm not so sure I was HAPPY with my life before. I was numb, I was unthinking about a lot of things, but I can't really say I was happy. Content, most times, yeah I guess. But really, content meant settling for less. So as much as I hate what this is doing to me, and as much as I can't see what the future holds and don't like that I too get scared about things and think maybe nothingness would be preferable...I think it did happen for a reason and I just have to navigate the rough waters to get where I need to be. Wherever that ends up being.

Times like this rattle your faith that you are on the right path. Sometimes the best thing to do is acknowledge you aren't operating from strength and retreat and not take on all your worries and fears.

Do you have a counsellor you can talk to? Even the Good Samaritans might be a help when you are feeling really bummed out. What you are feeling are very valid, natural feelings and the one thing you shouldn't be doing is beating yourself up. The world knocks you over and it doesn't make sense to pile on. It's easy to do because people like us are always doubting ourselves and thinking we cause all our own problems. We don't, although we can help ourselves to solutions more readily than we know sometimes.

You need to give yourself time and space to recover from your relationship heartache. You invested a lot into it, and it's where Felix was allowed to first grow, so it's natural that Felix feels uprooted by what's happened.

There's no time scale on any of this stuff hon. It takes as long as it takes. And yes, that does suck lots of times. Try to keep faith in yourself, to stay in love with all aspects of yourself, because the one person Felix needs on his side more than anyone else is Felix. Whether Felix is in fluid genderwise, emotionally, mentally or in maturity degrees is not important. You are a growing, living, vibrant being and you will rarely have days where everything seems to be properly in place, because if you are developing you are changing and moving all the time. The trick is to learn to be at peace with that dynamic process. It's not an easy thing, especially when you are hurting and vulnerable. But that's when things like Max's tea idea come in handy... real things that ground you and slow yourself down.

Hmmm....writing this has actually helped me feel a bit better about my own situation. I can't believe how thoroughly I get thrown into the gale, how easily I allow my anchor to be uprooted and how easily lost I get. It is good to know I'm not alone, but I'd rather we were all happier. Maybe with time. All we can do is try. :hugs::love:

[Felix]

Thanx Hun and I'm glad writing this has helped you :hugs::hugs:xx Felix