I Love My Wife!

[Jaydee]

Note: I was going to title this thread “Another baby step”, but realized that it missed the point. As I have posted before, I have been CDing since I was 10. We have been married for over 30 years. I am really still in the closet but with the support here, I have been taking baby steps to come out slowly over the last year or so.
When I started wearing non-descript non-lace panties a couple years ago, she thought it strange but didn’t ask any questions. I now wear them nearly daily. About a year ago I openly bought some pantyhose. She was uncomfortable with it at first but I could not get her to discuss it, she said “it didn’t matter”, but she was uncomfortable, so I only wear them when she is not around. She insists on washing them for me, just like the rest of our clothes. She knows that I wear tights when working in the woods during the winter, and hasn’t made any comments.
Well, in the last couple weeks, I took another step. I mail ordered some posture style bras. She was curious at first, but I made some vague comment about desiring back support. She tried to tell me that it wouldn’t work but did not object. I have now worn them a few times when she wasn’t around, but they are in the laundry and wound up back in my dresser drawers.
I have tried to discuss some of this with her and I have been amazed and a little frustrated that she did not want to talk. I finally realized that she loves me enough that it just doesn’t matter to her. Like my other foibles, she may not understand it, but is willing to let me do what I want (as long as I keep it discrete and don’t involve anyone else).
I love her so much. I would like to fully come out to her, but don’t want to press my luck or her tolerance to the breaking point.
I am sorry that this has gotten long. I am fearful of pushing too hard and find that the next step down the road is over a cliff. I also don’t know exactly what I want the end result to be. What do I want? I don’t know. The closet can sometimes be a warm comfortable place compared to bright daylight.

Thanks for listening,

Jaydee

[paulaN]

I understand how you feel. But I don't think that telling your wife that you crossdress is pushing it. I think it is just being honest with her. Dressing more and more around the house might be pushing though.

[sybercom11]

Yes. The worst thing you can do is push it. I do not wear dresses and wigs around my wife -- just occasionally and also just for photo ops.

But I do wear short shorts and girlie tops and girlie sandals and things like that and show a lot of bare leg and she is great with that.

We do have that boundary, and also that I do not wear nighties to bed. Nakey and smooth is OK, but no nighties. I am great with that too.

[SiobhanW]

Respecting your wife's boundaries AND recognizing/accepting when a step you take makes her uncomfortable are (IMHO) two of the key elements for maintaining a good relationship with an accepting SO. Trying to push those levels of acceptance is a fools game. :2c:

[Mary Jane]

My wife knows and tolerates my dressing as long as I do it when she is not around. She will not dicuss it in any way.I want so much to share this side of me with her. Not necessarily the dressing but having her accept it more as a way of sharing this part of me. I learned to just leave it alone if she is happier not talking about it. It is nice that she at least knows. I have left a few things around the house at times and she has never made any negative comments about it. Telling your wife would be good but you may get results similar to mine and others here. Good luck.

[Jaydee]

Thanks everyone. Mary Jane, I agree. What is frustrating is that she doesn't want to discuss it. I have gently tried several times. It is like being in a limbo. I don't know where her limits of tolerance are, and she doesn't understand my feelings. I can live the way things are now, but would love for her to know more fully this dimension of me. One way or another I think it is all going to come out in the near future. Wish me luck.

Jaydee

[Eugenie]

What is frustrating is that she doesn't want to discuss it.

I know that situation too well. I've lived through it for more than 35 years. With one difference, my wife knew about my x-dressing. But she didn't want to hear a word about it.

Finally after a severe crisis, which I have already told here many times, we reached a point where discussion was just a necessity. And there I learned quite a lot about her feelings...

You say :
I don't know where her limits of tolerance are, and she doesn't understand my feelings. I can live the way things are now, but would love for her to know more fully this dimension of me. One way or another I think it is all going to come out in the near future.

When we finally talked, I came to realize that the one who didn't know about the feelings of the other was me. I was completely oblivious of her feelings... And yet in my head I was feeling bad that she didn't understand my feelings...

Women are far smarter than we are, especially when it is about personnal things and relations. In fact most of us are pretty bad at hidding things or feelings when we need to...

They read us as open books and are often saying nothing... But they still feel hurt, in particular because we are not trusting them with our secrets. They often don't want to talk to us because it hurts them too deep inside.

I just hope for you that you will find a way to talk to your wife that will be good for both of you.

:hugs:
Eugenie

[Angie G]

You are a lucky girl hun you hane a good woman there :hugs:
Angie

[suzanne]

Of all my wonderful sisters on this forum, you have the most similar SO situation to mine. Like yours, my wife also refuses to discuss my CD/TG feelings, she just clams up completely until the subject changes. However, she washes and neatly folds my nightgowns (when I'm not doing the laundry myself!) and her only demand is that no one else sees me dressed - our "kids" are 23 and 19 . She seems to have more trouble with my taste for crap games at the casino!

I would dearly love it if she ever actually bought me a femme gift or otherwise related to my femme self, but on the other hand, she is not threatening divorce, or worse. And since I am a glass-half-full type, I give her all the love and gratitude I have for the fact that she is willing to sleep with a feminine guy. Which is admittedly not what she signed up for on our wedding day over twenty-five years ago.

[Eugenie]

her only demand is that no one else sees me dressed - our "kids" are 23 and 19 .

Experience sharing, not an advice...

I've come out to a friend of my wife and I... Of course my wife soon guessed I had done so... She was very crossed at me on one side and relieved on the other side since our friend accepted without restrictions...

Since I am incorrigible, I came out again. This time to our daughter (36) who in turn spoke to her mother... Again terrible crisis. A very useful one at it... That was the trigger for finally having an in depth discussion (to which I have made allusion above in this discussion).

In the end, my wife is in fact relieved that our children have reacted very well to my x-dressing: the thing she feared most was that they would reject me...

Again, this is just my experience and not an example to be followed... There are too many different situations and parametters that make it impossible to provide advice in this matter.

:hugs:
Eugenie

[Josey]

My wife knows of my affinity for CD and accepts it if not in public. She does all my laudering etc. I sleep with nightgowns and often wear bras. Again she accepts me as I am. Whats interesting here is she has never asked or talked to me about this. I, at this moment in time, prefer to silent on this issue until she makes the first move towards any discusson thereof.

[Jaydee]

Thanks again, everyone. It is nice to know that others are in similar situations. I appreciate your comments.

Jaydee

[pam867564]

one day she will lay out a pair of anties for me to weat and then other days she thinks its weird i like womens underwear. do other wives act this way too?