Caught in the middle

[Byllie]

*** Rant Alert ***

I don't fit in, on either side. I've never felt comfortable in the totally male world, watching the weekly sports event, acting macho. I also never felt completely girly, thinking pink was the perfect color or that one could never have too may shoes.

I've always felt that I'm a blend of the two sides of me, a perfect blend. And I like it that way. And I had thought hat the CD community would embrace this, but alas I don't feel like that anymore.

I feel as if I'm not femme enough to be a true CD. I ave a beard, which I'm happy with, but I love women's clothes and, especially, the makeup. When I've mentioned the beard online, others have posted it's a shame my SO won't let me shave it off.

Heck, we're in love, deeply. And the beard, to me, is a non-issue. So why isn't it a non-issue to others in the CD community? Why is it I feel, again, like an outsider, threatening the status quo.

Are we not a continuum? Isn't that what we're always saying? Then why do some see CDing as an all or nothing proposition?

I want to find a group with whom I can be accepted for who I am, right now, not what others wish I could be. Heck, Ive spent years showing that not every male has to like football and beer. I'd rather watch an orchestra and drink wine.

*** Rant off ***

[AllieSF]

Hi Byllie,

Don't worry about what others think, in the outside world or here on this site. You are who you are and I am very happy that you are content with that and just being you. As in the real world there is always someone who wants the other person to live life according to their own personal viewpoint. Some people here don't like sexy dressing girls, girls who dress younger than they are, girls with beards, girls who have fetishes, like the same sex, etc., etc., etc. So what! They have their viewpoints and they are welcomed to them. As long as they don't try to impose their ideas on me and others, I don't care. Most people here will accept you for who you are, so ignore the others with their closed minds and keep on truckin.

[crusadergirl]

I accept you for who you are. You don't have to shave your beard to be a true cd. I feel the same way that i don't fit in but really i don't want to fit in.
I just like being me not what other want me to be. I do like to shave before i dress as kirra but thats just me. I don't think of myself as a crossdresser i like the name girlprodigy way better. thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[DonnaT]

We've other members here with facial hair. Not a problem.

If anyone else has a problem with it, let it be THEIR f'n problem. Don't let their problem be your problem.

We are not all the same, and there are no rules to being a CD. If I want to wear a skirt, no wig, no makeup, that's my business and I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks, trans or non-trans.

[KatieC]

Agreed that if anyone has a problem with facial hair (or whatever), that it's their problem, not the problem of the member with the "whatever". Even so, shame on any of us who says things that makes a member feel uncomfortable, unwelcome, or unsupported. And shame on any of us who tolerate it if someone does. We get enough of that sort of thing "out there" as the world frowns upon our differences and tries to force us to conform. These forums are, imnsho, supposed to be a haven from that sort of thing.

I too have a beard. I rather like it, even though body hair below the neck creeps me out more and more as I age. I've had the beard longer than my kids have been alive, so even if I no longer liked it, I would have to think long and hard about shaving it off, because my kids wouldn't recognize me if I did!

[Jaydee]

Byllie,
Your thread really touched a nerve. I know how you feel. A lot of us don't fit in. I have never felt comfortable in the "male" world. I am not into team sports or excessive alcohol, among other things. I obviously don't fit into the femme world either. I may not have facial hair, but I don't feel the need for wigs and makeup and going out. Wearing the clothes makes me feel centered and calm inside. That is all I need. Don't fall into the trap of needing to conform, if anything CDing is a lot about nonconformity. The continuum is real. We all need to stake out our place on it and be content with that, regardless what others say or do.

Jaydee

[Eugenie]

There are so many ways of being a cross-dresser... Your's is as valid as any other ones... You are not alone on this site to wear a beard as has already been said.

I was going to write that having a beard may make going out in the street more difficult but actually I have no real information allowing me to say that it would be so...

In addition, going out in the streets is not an obligation either... It is fine to be a house bound x-dresser. Eventhough I very much enjoy going out in public, I respect the choice of those who don't go out.

:hugs:
Eugenie

[charlie]

I don't believe that there is any person in the world that would not say you are a crossdresser if you had a dress on and sported a beard! I have bush eyebrows and a manly face. I'm not tweezering my eyebrows out, so am I not a full crossdresser. As crossdressers we have damn few places in society to hide. This forum is the best place for me to go to get my thinking back an adjusted when I feel that I am really a freak or some sort of perverted Godless monster. I read the threads, add my own, and sift the answers. Stop the ranting and do more sifting!

[Oddlee]

Well, I had a mustache for most of my adult life. I think it was in defiance (or denial) of my CD nature. I never had a heavy enough beard to be worth growing, or I'd probably done that too. My light facial hair coupled with the CD thing made me question my sexuality as a teenager in the 60's. I'd known then what I know now...

Anyway, I didn't, so here I am; no regrets. Byllie, one of the reasons I shaved the mustache was because I didn't think it went very well with lipstick. But it was increasing acceptance of my own nature that allowed me to do so. Like you, I don't think of myself as two different people, I'm just me. I asked the only friend who knows about "all of me" if I behaved any differently while dressed. Her only comment was that I walk differently. Well, I should think so; in drab I usually wear moccasins - 2" to 4" heels *should* make me walk differently.

I think dealing with CD desires and needs for most of my life has made me much more tolerant and accepting of quirks in others; Byllie has as much place in my world as anyone.

Lee

[AmandaM]

If you want to see something funny, you shoulda seen me when I wanted to be a Biker. Kinda like Barney Fife wanting to do cage-fighting!

[MsToriJones]

*** Rant Alert ***

I don't fit in, on either side. I've never felt comfortable in the totally male world, watching the weekly sports event, acting macho. I also never felt completely girly, thinking pink was the perfect color or that one could never have too may shoes.

I've always felt that I'm a blend of the two sides of me, a perfect blend. And I like it that way. And I had thought hat the CD community would embrace this, but alas I don't feel like that anymore.

<<snip>>

Heck, we're in love, deeply. And the beard, to me, is a non-issue. So why isn't it a non-issue to others in the CD community? Why is it I feel, again, like an outsider, threatening the status quo.

<<snip>>

*** Rant off ***

Byllie you are a GM that likes to wear women's clothing - THAT makes you CD. Now remember that there are MANY levels of CD. Some only wear panties, some add stockings, some do all underthings only. Some do makeup, some don't, some want to wear the dresses, some the shoes, some want to go out, some don't, some want to pass as fem, some don't. ALL of them are CD and ALL of them understand the feeling of not fitting into the "man's" side of life and ALL of them SHOULD understand and accept YOUR level of CD. I am GG and I can accept you for who you are and your PERSONAL PREFERENCE of your level of CD.

I hope that others read your post and remember how many different levels there are to this CD world and that as much as they want others to accept their level, they should accept your level choice and desire.

To thine own self be true.
:hugs:

[Deborah Jane]

Byllie..You have a beard..So what lots do!! You like dressing in womens clothes..All us MtoF c/ders do!!..You don,t like all sports!! Does everyone?..Pink isn,t the perfect colour..Black or red is:heehee::p..You can have too many shoes when space becomes a problem:p. If you are happy with who you are, you,re doing fine..Chillout, watch an orchestra and enjoy your wine while wearing your favourite outfit....We are all the same,but differant:happy:

[lauraabdl]

Here Here you go girl, we are all different and should be accecpting and tolerant of our sisters in what ever form they chouse to dress or not dress. I for one dress as I feel the need and and to the extent I feel at the time. And yes I have a mustash and my SO likes it and so do I. That doesn't mean that I am not a CDer as I know I am, wear panties 24/7 and love it. My two :2c:

[Christina Louise]

...not every male has to like football and beer. I'd rather watch an orchestra and drink wine.


Fortunately I've avoided the catty girls so far.

I like classical music, opera and ballet. I drink wine. And I also like sports and beer. If you were to see me down the pub you'd think that I was one of the blokes who goes down to his local too often.

But I also like women's clothes because they are just so much prettier than men's. (Wouldn't dare calling something pretty when at the bar unless talking to a gg).

[Wendy me]

Byllie your OK .... i know this because i am OK ..... see i thought i had to fit some were and i never did .... see i am two persons sharing the same body .... it happens to be "HIS" body ..... with boobs and long hair shaved very smooth ........ not very manly touches for "HIM".... but our body mate Wendy likes that ....

see i came up with this thing i was a Cross dresser or could i be trans.... something ??? know what ???? i am not a cross dresser ...... Wendy wears her things .... and "HIM" wears "HIS" things .... nether one wears the others clothing ..... not trans i think???? for right now what i am is me .... and i am happy as i can be being that .....

so you can be or call you who ever you want .... the hell with them who Tell you what you should do and how you should dress or what to shave ..... screw them as long as your happy your alright with me .....

[Byllie]

I posted my *rant* a few days ago, and have been having troubles with the forum since then. Today is the first time I've been able to read the responses. And such beautiful words ... I feel so blessed.

What does it mean to be a man? What does it mean to be a woman?

Throughout the centuries, and across many cultures, those definitions seem to be in continuous flux. And perhaps that's the way it should be.

Categories, labels, are just easy handles others use to make sense of the world. But labels are a cop out. They're too easy. They do not demand the effort required to accept that there truly are no definitions, that we are all unique. Your words have taught me this.

I guess what I want is the day when as a CD, I could walk outside, dressed en femme, makeup *and* my beard, but the world is nor prepared for that. And I'm too timid to deal with the backlash.

There's a local group, a "transgender association" whose meetings I'd love to attend. But I'm fearful that I'll be seen as an outsider, because of my facial hair and the fact that I choose to keep it. I fear that I'll test others definitions of what it means to CD, to challenge them. I fear that I'll be seen as an anomaly or, as we say in science, an outlyer, a piece of data that falls far outside the norm, and is seen as a fluke, to be disregarded.

I do not wish to be disregarded. I am me, and I count, just as all other CDs count.

So again, thank you for you kind words. It's a relief to know I have kindred spirits.

[Kate Simmons]

Being yourself is what it's all about Byllie and don't let anyone ever tell you any differently. You're okay in my book my friend.:thumbsup::happy:

[Pamela Julie]

Beards on a crossdresser are only a problem if one wants to go out and pass as a gg. Any other time it is a personal choice, as is crossdressing. I am glad you decided to rant instead of keeping your feelings in the closet, that is why we are here. I don't know of any way to conceal a beard, other than a mask, unless it is trimmed very short. To those that will not support your way of participation in crossdressing, they are as closed minded as those that don't support crossdressing.

Pamela:happy:

[Dee Jay]

I'm hairy.
I shave one a week at best. I have had a moustache since I started growing facial hair.

I'll never look like a girl, but that doesn't stop me dressing like one.
As many others have said, you don't have to be hairless to be a CD. A man who wears clothing designed and made for women is a crossdresser.

I have considered getting rid of my moustache. Not to improve my feminine look, mainly because is sooooo 1980, and one or two people over recent months have, in a friendly way, taken the p**s, calling me Magnum etc :)

I have often wondered what I'd look like without it

So don't worry about fitting in, or being struck in the middle.
You, like it or not, are a crossdresser. Beard or no beard it makes no difference. A card carrying, paid up member of the crossdressers union.
Welcome aboard :)

DJ

[Dee Jay]

Just re-reading the thread....
There are enough of us with facial hair.... Maybe we could have our own section on the forum ? :)

Or we could have a facial hair photo thread.
Lots of pitcures of beards, moustaces and other hairy bits that GGs tend not to have... No I'm not being rude, I mean armpits, legs, arms, ears, nostrils etc etc etc :)... Oh I forgot big toes :)

DJ

[heidi99]

I can relate to what you are feeling, Byllie! I had been thinking about this issue a little while back since I don't dress all that often compared to the frequency with which others do. So I was thinking am I just slackin'? Or do I really not identify with being a CD? I think it's more of the former.

Also, I am a fall-winter CD'er if that is the term. Come the colder weather, it's time to get rid of the beard (I've had comments about this being counter-intuitive) and break out the boots. During the warmer weather (motorcycle season) when it's too hot for boots, I'm in man-mode most of the time. But the dreams of dressing pretty are always with me. So, hopefully that let's me stay in the CD club. :p

I think it's all what one is comfortable doing, and just do what is fun. Gotta strive not to take our self-definition from what OTHERS say it is. Emphasis on self, ya dig? :2c:

[MsToriJones]

I think it's all what one is comfortable doing, and just do what is fun. Gotta strive not to take our self-definition from what OTHERS say it is. Emphasis on self, ya dig? :2c:

Very well put! This does not just apply to CD but to all aspects of our lives.

[Nicole Erin]

No I'm not being rude, I mean armpits, legs, arms, ears, nostrils etc etc etc :)... Oh I forgot big toes :)

DJ

Oh hell no! big toe hair? Not me madame!

So anyways, being CD, I say this again, is not so much about how you dress but it is somethig in your heart and mind. I think we are all "real" CD's. I have never heard of someone being aq fake CD. There are fake TS but no fake CD's.

We all dress to different levels. Some need only to dress a little just to enjoy it, and some people would like to pass as much as possible.

My take on facial hair - I have it really thick but I shave, you see, facial hair tells the world "I am man" and some of us don't want to project that image anymore than we have to.

But to dress, it is your choice how far you like to go.

[Byllie]

Ladies, I say this again ... Thank you!

You have restored this girl's trust that our forum is a place to feel safe, to express our thoughts and feelings without being shot down.

[Staci]

As far as I know there are no rules to this. some like to dress up completely and go out. Some live as girls. some like to just put on panties under there guy stuff. And everything in between. What makes this world so great, I don't just mean the CD world, is that everyone is a little different. We think differently, like different things, and wear different clothes. You keep being who you are. It's what works for you that is important.

[Angie G]

I think a beard is just fine if you like it It's you right to wear it so you go girl :hugs:
Angie