who should i pick

[LisaRaye]

ok here my story i am going to be put in a situation where i will half to pick roxxy or girlfriend. see i am talking to an old dear friend of mines, we had a relationship befor and we are still friends close friends. she knows about roxxy but i cannot be roxxy around her, i can understand that. we do talk about roxxy from time to time, we are not boyfriend/ girlfriend yet but when that time comes i will half to pick. she told me that if we was to get back together, that i can not be roxxy. i do want to make a difference with her this time around. so what should i do i wish i had a anwser but i dont.....

[jennifer41356]

Only you can really decide what to do, but for me, Life is too short to give up something so important to me for someone else....what is she willing to give up for you?...My guess is nothing...just my :2c:

[jennCD]

You signature here says: "When I dress as a woman I feel like a red rose floating in the air. Sexy, Sweet, and drop dead I am the Queen of my Castle, There will come a day when we all will be free. Have a Beautiful and Wonderful Day.."

... so is this something you feel you will be able to let go of completely? I've known about my jenn-side since I was around 11, and now at 41, I know that over the last 30 years, I was at no time ever able to convince myself to deny that part of me existed (admittedly I never really tried and simply chose to accept myself as who I am even before I understood the full nature of it all).

My main fear when I initially decided to tell my wife was: What if she was one of those irrational people who felt that this was somehow a choice I made and that I would have to choose between "just being me" and "being the me she felt I really was"? I am extremely lucky that she has yet to request this of me.

:)
jenn

[Brenda1423]

I have to say that I love my wife. She's not accepting and If I had to do it over, I would work at her accepting before I got to this point. Being Brenda is very important to me and I can't because of the situation. At times I thought I could supress the urge to dress but it's so much a part of me. I'm stuck in this situation. I just wish I would have worked it out with her in the beginning.
You'll have to make that choice for your feelings.

[Mary Morgan]

:2c:It is reasonable for your friend to set limits for her future. It not reasonable for her to set them for yours. If you cannot be the whole person you are, then it isn't going to be much of a relationship, and in time it will re-emerge as an issue. I suggest you keep it on the friend basis, and continue looking for companionship somewhere else.

[battybattybats]

It may not be actually possible for you to not be Roxxy.
You could literally cut off your arm or leg is that was the part of you that she had a problem with.

But in what part of you is Roxxy? The clothes aren't the woman, just the way she moves from inside to outside.

You cannot live, you cannot love, if your heart or mind was cut out (ok the heart maybe with a transplant or bionic replacement but the metaphor works).

So can you make a choice between the possible and the impossible? Or is there no real choice there at all?

From my experience I could not get rid of my inner girl no matter how much clothes I threw away or taped up in a box.

[AmandaM]

Well, if you can toss Roxxy like day old bread, then go ahead. For me, I know I'd "cheat" and the girl would be back.

[JoanAz]

Unfortunatly there is NO CURE we are infected and have to live with that,,@ 68 I guess I have been there for 60 of those years,,I wish I had all the clothing I have perged..
but then again I guess I do have as much big walk in closet.

[docrobbysherry]

Go back with your old girlfriend, just don't get married rite away! See if u can keep Roxxy out of your life. If u can't, tell your girlfriend Roxxy is coming back and see if u can work out a compromise with her.

Otherwise, you will probably always regret giving up your girlfriend for Roxxy.

Please remember who gave u this advise. A man who is having a torrid affair with Sherry, his female half. To the detrement of the GG's I date!
RS

[Kathy Renee]

Roxxy,
The choice has to be yours. Everyone on this forum has had to deal with relationships with regard to their CDing. For me, I love my wife and chose to be closeted. As a result, it is sometimes years before I can dress to the level that I desire. Presently I am suffering through a particularly deep "pink fog". It began in October and I am just now able to get my emotions, etc. in control. I do not think the CDing desires will ever go away. So, if you make the commitment to her to stop, it will be a commitment that you will probably have to break. Having to break that commitment could have a greater emotional and perhaps life changing toll than just accepting Roxxy and moving on with Roxxy’s life. I sincerely wish you the best as you make your decision.

[jamie55]

HI Roxxy: Others have already said that this is something that will never go away. Don't make a promise that you can't keep.

[Chiana]

Roxxy, my opinion was formed when I read your siganture line. Then I was blown away when I read jennCD's identical reaction. It just seems like Roxxy is way too important in your life. If that is the case, you may be able to back off for a while, but then Roxxy will come back, eventually. If your g/f can't live with that, maybe you should look elsewhere. On the other hand, if Roxxy isn't really that important to you, you might be able to leave Roxxy behind and establish a succesful LTR with your g/f. I think you need to be honest with your g/f and yourself. Just make sure that you build your relationship based upon truth.

[DonnaT]

I've tried giving it up for my wife, but failed. Many have tried and failed. Very very few succeed in stopping. I've told my wife that it's her choice to leave or stay, but don't ask me to stop, because I can't.

Roxxy is a part of who you are. What your GF is demanding is an ultimatum. Relationships based on ultimatums seldom work out. I think you should sit down and have a long talk. Maybe even go to a couples counselor. Because what you really need is to work out a compromise that will work for both of you. If she's not willing to work on a compromise then she's probably not right for you.

[Sally2005]

Hmmmm... that's like saying you will never eat chocolate again. You might be able to do it for a month or two, but for the rest of your life?! At least she knows about it, so you might want to tell her you could try not to do it in front of her... or just do it on special occasions... and go from there. If she knows, at least it won't be shock if you can't keep to the plan exactly. You should try to figure out what it means to you...she will probably want to know and you will need to answer her questions (CD or more).

[NatalieBliss]

Is it really that cut and dry? Is she okay with it if you dress when she's not around? If so, I think that is a reasonable request. If she wants you to completly give Roxxy up it will probably end up putting undue stress on the relationship and in general not a fun road to go down. Just my :2c: but I think if you look deep down you'll find the right answer for yourself. At any rate I wish you the best!

[Bobbie Jo]

You know and we know that if your going to quit you won't really quit, that's just the way this thing happends and roxxy knows

I've been dealing with relationships for some time now, and have always been turned off with the other person making demands It's just going to get worse with the demands as the relationship goes on.

[sterling12]

I don't think that anyone who really cared for you would ask you to give up a part of yourself. Roxxy and yourself are two half's that make up a whole person.

You might give your Gal the respect of explaining the facts. Then, if she can't accept the idea, it's time for both of you to move on, and for you to find someone who will love you for who you are.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Joanne f]

You know as well as everyone else you will not be able to give up Roxxy, yet i can see that you like her enough to think about trying to , so i think that you should tell her that you like her enough to try but also tell her that you know you will not be able to do it as it is a part of you which all makes up the person she likes.



joanne

[LisaRaye]

thanks girls i will take all in account, the million dollar question is what will she give up for me. i still dont know what i am going to do but i do know that roxxy will come back cuase she is apart of me. right now we are friends so when she is not around thats when roxxy is around. i will try to find a happy middle but we will see what happens i will keep you posted...

[Wendy me]

look we all know that quiting is not going to happen ... if that was possible think how easy this would be ..... i would if this is "THE ONE" the girl your thinking of a long term relationship with tell her it can't happen your stopping dressing .... offer to go see a counselor with her for her to understand (not cure you as there is no cure) and possibly you might come to some kind of terms with this......

[morgan51]

I don't think I can put the fem side away and expect to never go there again Its who I am. Love being me I have found a new peace in cding and couldn't imagine living without it. Just be true to yourself and all things will be as they should. I had to tell my so before we became tight and it is an ongoing discussion growing learning experience for both of us. Morgan

[StacyCD]

I could give up chocolate--despite the fact that I enjoy it so much! However, crossdressing is a part of me that I could not give up even if I wanted to! I only recently came to that conclusion--it took 45 years, but I'm a slow learner. I think being open with someone before marriage is a must. However, if she is totally opposed then look for someone else.

[ErikaLeigh]

I thought that when I got married that this would all go away (yeah right), and many of us do think it will. As someone who has been through this I can tell you it DOESNT go away, the urge to dress only gets stronger as you get older. My wife of 15 years just found out last year and I am one of the lucky ones because she is still with me. For you, I really hope you think things through. If she really loves you then she wont try to change you. I have seen too many people get married and one tries to change the other, and changing to please somebody else will create resentment and you will be miserable after a few years, even if it seems like bliss at first.

[Raquel June]

Come on, we all think you look way too good in a dress to give it up. You got any bigger pics than the ones in your profile? :)

Seriously, though, let's just pretend you decide to give it up and go back out with this girl. Let's look at the situation.

1) She knows you're a CD. How much does she really care about you if she just wants you to give this up with no compromise whatsoever?

2) Why does she want you to quit? Does she think you're not a real man if you like wearing a dress? If that's the case, then quitting won't change her opinion of you. She knows you still want to dress, even if you never actually do, and this is what she actually resents. What she can't handle is you and your inner feelings. This is a lose/lose situation for both of you. If the relationship is that important to you, you need to do a lot more talking and probably go to therapy together to try and come to an understanding of how this relationship could possibly work.

3) Can you quit? Even if you want to, you know you'll just be wishing you could and secretly fantasizing about trying on her clothes when she leaves. Is that any way to live, dreaming of defying your girlfriend?

4) What are you going to do, purge the wardrobe? That does not make you quit. It does not change your feelings. It just makes you feel stupid that you threw away your favorite stuff.

5) This is an ex of yours, right? Relationships with ex-lovers have a near-zero success rate. Yeah, you want to go out again. Things weren't so bad the first time, right? And you have so much in common! But wait a second! All the reasons you broke up are still there. All the things you couldn't stand about her didn't change and will never change. Now, even more so, she will not want to change for you and you won't want to change for her. After all, you didn't change the first time. It's not going to work.

The bottom line is that you have to consider the happiness of your male self first, but this doesn't really sound like a person that will make you happy even if you could get rid of Roxxy.

Allow me to quote a recent post of yours:


Hi to all that know me on here and to those that don't hello as well. It's been over a year since i lasted dressed I almost forgot how sexy and relaxed I felt. See I live in an apartment and with kids it is hard to do so I started giving up on her. But now I live alone so I am free to be me, Still ever got the courage to go out dressed I guess one day I will. I realize this time around that this is really apart of me, no matter how long I don't dress Roxxy always resurface is that a good thing or bad thing. Also everytime she comes back I go one more next further then the last time, whats up with that? Is that a clue to telling me that I am suspose to be this way. Girls help me out please I am confused.

I love Being Me.......:doll:

I feel similar to you on this issue. I usually feel like my CD'ing is ridiculous and I should just stop. But what I actually want to change is my desire to do it, and I know that's not going away. It looks like you're in a similar situation. If you can't change your desires, don't just hurt yourself by taking away your pretty clothes. I recently started going out to CD-friendly clubs most Saturdays and it just makes me so happy. Please don't give up on Roxxy until you've had a little fun with her. You'll make us all cry.

[ericalynncd]

who do have stronger feelings for? your friend or yourself?

[Julogden]

Hi Roxxy,

Don't even think about putting the real you away, it won't work, been there, done that.

Face the reality that it won't work between you and your friend unless she can massively change her attitude about your dressing, and that's not likely to happen at all, again, from experience.

Carol:hugs:

[sara-jean]

well my take is would you be happy years from now with roxxy back in the closet.and will you resent that diccion down the road.i know i would be.so you realy have to decide for yourself.good luck sara-jean

[LisaRaye]

thanks everyone for caring. but for right now i am going to keep it on a friend base. and try to get her to understand. besause you are right i do look very good in a dress and i feel so good doing it. and yes i do have bigger pictures on yahoo pm me and i will give the site. so i am still thinking about a solution, but till then i am going to have fun with it. love roxxy

[MJ]

we are hardwired from birth . you have as much chance to giving up Roxxy as i have of becoming a guy ..

you need to talk with her Roxxy comes with the package or nothing .

i mean no disrespect to gg's but some have no idea what they are asking ..

give up Roxxy for you ... sure only if you can remove your left leg for me .. she need to come here and read and try to understand

[Genifer Teal]

ok here my story i am going to be put in a situation where i will half to pick roxxy or girlfriend.

Remember when Sienfeld wa given a choice to give up the voice or give up the girl? He kept the voice. Maybe not because he wanted to but because he couldn't give up the voice if he tried.

I think you know my answer.

Gen

[Pamela Julie]

Roxxy, every response to your question has said you will not be able to give up Roxxy, at least not for long, and they are correct. It would also be wrong for you to ask your gf to give up anything as a condition for an escalation in your relationship. I suggest you research the forums for info on outing yourself to others, so that you will be able to teach your gf what cd'ers are like emotionally and psychologically. After further discussion with her, she may be interested in joining the forums for support from other so's and to do her own research on the subject. If all goes well, she will realize who you are, and be willing to accept Roxxy at some level that is acceptable to both of you. If that is not possible, it would be best if the two of you could remain good friends and not move on to a more romantic relationship. I hope you can work things out to your satisfaction.

Pamela:happy:

[TaylorAB]

Hey Roxxy. I'm glad that you are going to keep it on a friend basis for now. Trying to change for someone else just doesn't work. The change has to come from within because you want it not because someone tries to force it. Just be aware, that she has to make the decision to be open to Roxxy. You can not make her accept Roxxy. It has to be something that she wants to be open to doing. You can show her the way, but in the end it's her decision.

A couple of years ago I purged in part because I thought it would keep from making a situation worse that I found myself in. It didn't make a difference and I discovered that just because I wasn't dressing didn't mean that Taylor had gone away. She was waiting patiently underneath just waiting to resurface. Now I regret having purged all the beautiful outfits that I had spent so much time collecting. Taylor is forever a part of me and she always will be. I can't imagine cutting off that part of me now.

[vivianann]

You will become very unhappy if you give up Roxxy, like others have said, tell her roxxy is part of you, and that is final.