Should I?

[JennaDesire]

Well I did it again. About 3 weeks ago I threw away all things related to Jenna. As usual though I am having big time desires to become Jenna again. I have done this so many times I have lost count. What does this mean, that I was meant to be Jenna? I have been to therapy and the therapist tells me that I do not have a problem. If I wasn't married or if I had an understanding wife, it would be a no brainer... Jenna 24/7. Since that is not an option, and it looks like Jenna is coming back, I am at a real crossroads. What would you all do?

[jamie55]

Hi Jenna: I am probably not very qualified to give advice considering all the problems I have with this. Purging is a way of life for many cd's, and eventually that too will stop. Just think of all those skirts, tops, hi heels, etc. that you threw out and now can't find suitable replacements. One thing I do know for sure is that this is a lifelong thing. I didn't choose to be this way and I'm absolutely sure you didn't either. Concentrate your efforts on dealing with it, because no matter how fast you can run it will eventually catch up to you again.

[heidi99]

Well I did it again. About 3 weeks ago I threw away all things related to Jenna. As usual though I am having big time desires to become Jenna again. I have done this so many times I have lost count. What does this mean, that I was meant to be Jenna? I have been to therapy and the therapist tells me that I do not have a problem. If I wasn't married or if I had an understanding wife, it would be a no brainer... Jenna 24/7. Since that is not an option, and it looks like Jenna is coming back, I am at a real crossroads. What would you all do?

I take it your wife at least knows about Jenna. The bottom line is to find that intermediate area where you are still handling your familial responsibilities and allowing you at least some outlet for experiencing the release of being Jenna sometimes. The only way to find that area is by having an open line of communication with your wife.

I agree with the therapist that you DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM. And most here would agree that the urge will not go away. So talking it over with your wife (in as supportive a fashion) is likely the answer.

Jenna, I truly wish you and your wife luck and the courage to face this challenge and assist each other in building your new reality.

[Alayna]

It's hard to really see it as a choice. Your purging is something we all go through, and as far as a crossdresser's life is concerned is "normal"

It may not be the answer you're looking for, but I would sit down and talk to her about how both of you feel. No matter how much you're determined to quit CD'ing you'll always be fighting urges, and chances are at some point give in to them.

Oftentimes SO's who don't understand this see it as a weakness, or something that is more important to their partner than they are. In reality, it's not just a hobby or fetish, but part of who you are. Of course, it would have been best to tell her before you were married, but that is difficult for many of us given that CD'ing is usually misunderstood.

I'm not trying to tell you who you are of course, more that this is a typical experience of crossdressers. I'd say your best bet is to sit down with her and talk it out, hopefully coming to a compromise. You may want to hold off on the whole 24/7 thing too - when you repress something this much a part of you it can become an obsession, and you may (or not) that the desire to dress up all the time will subside if you're given a little leeway.

If she's willing you might try and get her to talk to other GG's on here as they can provide wonderful support, and might understand and address her concerns better than you can.

Good luck!

[DonnaT]

Only you can decide if you were meant to be Jenna.

What we can tell you is, you are transgendered. To what degree, we don't know. Are you a CD or TS? We don't know.

We do know that purging isn't the answer, as the urge usually returns no matter how hard we try to stop. We do know there is no cure for being trans.

Note that I've never purged. Some have purged quite often, some once or twice.

How much does your wife know? What is her position on this?

[sterling12]

It means my dear, that you are wasting tremendous amounts of money on clothing!

If you believe that you are somehow being noble/penitent because you are purging, you need to speak with someone who can give you some professional help. Whatever you have been doing, it's obviously not working!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Joanne f]

You can`t go without Cding and you can`t go 24/7 Cding so the only other option is to find some where in between , and it would really help you both if you chat to your wife about this.


joanne

[Nigella]

Should I? is the title of this thread, but lets be honest, you will not find the answer here.

Read through the responses so far and there is not a concensus between any of us. That is because, whilst we share the reasons for being on this forum, we are still different.

This forum is great for advice on all topics ranging from A to Z, but lets face it, only YOU can decide based upon your circumstances.

Not much help in response to your question I know, but when all said and done, you are on your own with this one.

[Carla4Guage]

I cut & pasted your question and a few of the replies.

What does this mean, that I was meant to be Jenna?

Only you can decide if you were meant to be Jenna.

It means my dear, that you are wasting tremendous amounts of money on clothing!

To which I would only add if you have thrown out Jenna in the past and she keeps coming back, either you didn’t or you can’t throw her far enough. My guess, and that’s all it is, is that you and your spouse need to talk about this and come to a resolution. Best of luck.

[Dayna]

Jenna, you can purge and throw away your clothes and makeup, but if you were serious about quitting you would not be here reading this right now.

I have purged several times, and regretted each one. Last week my wife (who has never seen me fully dressed) asked why I would ever do such a thing. I had to admit to her that I did it to make HER feel guilty for "making" me do it. Now that was real mature, wasn't it?

Whether you put on the clothes or not, you will always be who you are. I suspect you will soon be rebuilding your wardrobe and restocking your makeup case... you might even decide to purge again. When you do, put everything into a box, tape it shut, then hide it in the attic or in the garage. That way it will be waiting for you when you are ready.

[Wendy me]

the answer is simple your purging is caused by some sort of "trigger" some thing that sets it off .... a series of events that lead up to the purge..... look at what starts the purge .... and try to understand why..... stopping dressing won't work .... dealing with what triggers the purge might be your answer..........

[johnni]

As you said, we've probably all been in this scenario. Dr. says there's no problem yet we buy and build our "selves" and then, oh-no, purge! I always love to gather and it was like losing a friend when I tossed it all. I decided to get a small storage unit to keep all my girl stuff at. Then anytime I get something new or want to go through it, all I have to do is stop by the unit. The thing is for me and I know others, the older you get the more you desire to be "her". You want more clothes, jewelery, make-up, shoes, and the list goes on until you realize what you really want is to be a her 24/7. Thats what I'm experiencing and my feelings to physically change myself are stronger than they've ever been. I mean I've already got a complete wardrobe, full make-up. I've pierced my ears 3 times on each side. I got my belly-button pierced. I've plucked and shaved my eyebrows and I have no hair on my body except my head. I paint my toenails regularly and I wear my fem-garb under my boy clothes all the time. I buy my clothes and other stuff right at the mall or grocery store because I don't care if someone sees or assumes my plight. I know this doesn't help you but I thought you might want to see how others deal with this desire. For me it means that I'm becoming what I've always wanted to be..... a Woman.

[docrobbysherry]

It seems to me, at least as far as CDing is concerned, "two's company, three's a crowd".

The questions r;

Can u realistically hide your "mistress" from your wife?
Or, can u get your wife interested in a threesome?

Answers:
___________________________________
___________________________________
(Fill in lines above yourself)
RS

[Amy Hepker]

I do believe we all go through fazes where we think we can just purge it all away and the other side would be gone forever. I did that before marrying my first wife, a beautiful long straight hair Blond, tall and had been in padgents before. Well it wasn't a full year after being married that my femme side came out. My marriage with her only lasted 4 years before she got tired of it and cheated on me. I purged about 6 or 7 times in my 52 years of living. Always wishing I had not gotten rid of any of it. Guilt!

[Eugenie]

I have purged several times, and regretted each one. Last week my wife (who has never seen me fully dressed) asked why I would ever do such a thing.

My wife also reacted like this. She's seen me throw away my "stuff" so many times and build it back up as many times... After we had a fairly severe crisis a couple of years ago, I proposed once again to purge my feminine clothes. She told me "It will not help, and I'm not asking you that, you should know better..."

It took indeed another far more serious crisis for the two of us to finaly comme to a really serious discussion... That was indeed an extremely difficult one but also extremely fruitful one...

Things got a lot better on both sides. This in depth discussion made me understand that she needed understanding too...

Never forget that your SO is an equal partner in your relation: she has as many rights to your understanding as you have to her's...

:hugs:
Eugenie