Checkout is easy, looking is not.

[Brenda's Friend]

Going through checkout and buying clothes is easier now, but I still do not feel comfortable looking for the clothes. I kind of nonchalantly look at the clothes with a kind of bored look on my face. Not a real satisfyingly shopping experience.

But,last week while looking at a thrift store, there was another guy looking at dresses. We didn't make eye contact. I ended up buying two blouses.

BF

[dianarg]

I know how you feel :(
That's why I ebay!

[Bobbie Jo]

Gee I'm going to have to start shopping at the thrift stores, Sounds like you girls find a lot of nice clothes there

[Eugenie]

In the begining I used to feel the same with my shopping in women's sections of department stores...

Now, I don't care anymore.

I think the more matter of fact you appear, the less you will attract attention.

:hugs:
Eugenie

[dianarg]

In the begining I used to feel the same with my shopping in women's sections of department stores...

Now, I don't care anymore.

I think the more matter of fact you appear, the less you will attract attention.

:hugs:
Eugenie

I concur, but it is kind of a paradox, the less nervous you want to look, the more nervous you get :p

[RachelDenise]

Shopping can be nerve racking at times. I only shop away since I'm more nervous about outing myself locally rather than the clothes issue for nerves.

[Wendy me]

just shop no big deal if your buying boxers or panties who cares..... i know that your a "MAN" buying womens clothing and every one will know right off that your wearing them ......

think of it as just shopping for what you want the only one that knows it's for you is you ....

[KeriB]

Yeah, I ventured into a women's-only store, walked around, and hightailed it out lol... now I try and stay in department stores or specialty shops - Gap for example - that offer men's and women's items. Anybody asks, I just say I'm shopping for my sister.. not really far from the truth! But yes, it's nervewracking.

[Sedona]

Yes, I know it can be nerve wracking. I actually do my major sprees on out of town biz trips so I don't have to worry about bumping into my boss or something.

Only a couple of times have I been asked any questions. Usually it's a comment like, "those are some nice dresses, aren't they?"

Usually, I just say, "yep." But once, I told a clerk that my girlfriend was in the hospital after a bad car crash, (didn't have one at the time), and I wanted to buy her some sexy things for when she recovered. Felt a little devious about the fib, but the look on her face was priceless.

[Carla4Guage]

Sometimes it seems that the more we try to avoid outing ourselves the less sucessful we are. I assumed that a thrift store in a nearby town (30 miles from home) would be a safe place to shop. Ran into my administrative assistant there. She knows my spouse and knew that the sizes I was looking in would never fit her. She made a comment that something would look good on me. It's amazing the things that one says between the racks of clothes. I now have, for better or worst, (I think its for the best) a GG confidant (sp). Where this will go is going to be interesting to say the least.

[Kellie s]

i went shopping last night i went to walmart found a great pair of pumps and also bought so great salon nails need to get some new hose today see ya girls Kellie S

[StacyCD]

I've done a lot of shopping for fem stuff and I don't really care if the sales assistant knows they are for me or not. After a while you realize that it's your life and you can wear anything you want to wear!

[Kathy Renee]

Brenda's Friend,
As you can see, you are not alone. Many have had these same feelings while shopping. Sometimes I think it is a natural part of the evolution of a CDer. The more you shop, you will gain confidence and it will become a much more enjoyable experience. I have also noticed that this, to some extent, is somewhat age dependent. I am coming out of a deep pink fog event for the past several months. In fact, I found this forum in December as a result of this pink fog as I desperately needed some contact with the CD community. I know it was not written for CDers, but a song I listen to a lot while in one of the pink fogs is Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide". There is a line in the song, "But time makes you bolder". Hindsight is 20/20 but I wish I knew what I know now in my teens, 20s and 30s. Enough rambling.....I wish you well, I am sure shopping will eventually be more enjoyable with time.

[KeriB]

Carla... I'd just be REAL careful if she works for you... that could open up a big can of worms.

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

I know how you feel :(
That's why I ebay!

seen ur pics,,ur nose is perfect for ur face,,,totaly passable i dont know why u dont venture out,,,if they say ur tat is a female one say to them "yea? so what" :p :hugs:

[KimberlyS]

Oh how I remember the times I would try to hide and keep the racks between me and the SA's. Until I learned the best place to hide was where the SA's could see you. Then they pay less attention to you, as you do not look like a shoplifter. Being out of town and shopping is a great thing to do. You are away from those you know. I took on the attitude that it did not matter what they thought of me, I would never see them again. Yea I had nerves, but it made it a lot easier to get through.

My experience has been others comfort level and attitude will start with your comfort level and attitude. If you accept what you are doing as ok, it will come through in your actions, expressions and interaction with others. If you look and act like a real customer, you will be treated as one. Your male or female presentation matters little as long as it is in good taste. I shop usually in nice casual to sometimes dressy casual masculine, feminine, or mixed attire.

The best concept for me on how to shop was when I related my femme shopping to how I would shop for tools. Walk into the store or department boldly looking for what you want or seriously browsing. You ignore most others around you as you are in that shopping mode. You talk with any SA that may approach you. You let them help you if you are ready for help and you ask them questions. You look over the tools; the options; pick up and read the packages; you compare different models, styles and products; you hold the demo model to see fit in your hand and check out the features. When you find something you what you pick it up and continue shopping.

Shopping for femme things. Walk boldly into the store or department. Look for what you came for, or seriously browse mostly ignoring others. You talk to the the SA's and let them know you are browsing, or you let them help if looking for something specific. You look over the items, you look at fronts and backs. Look the the different colors and styles. Then pull things out of the racks or off the self to check them out. You hold it up to you to gage possible look or fit on you. You compare different items and coordinate others. You hold thing you may buy as you continue to look at more. You then ask if their is a place you can try things on at to make sure of fit and looks on you.

When talking with the SA's you do not need to announce you are a CDer with some long explanation. I just talk to the SA's in first person, about me as me as I am the one I am shopping for:
I am looking for_____ for myself.
I am looking for a ____ that goes with my _____.
I want a ____ dress/skirt/top in a ____ color/style.
I usually get a size ____ for myself.
I like to wear _____ colors or styles.
I am not sure how this will fit me.
Could I try this on someplace to check the size and fit?

And the SA may suddenly pause when it sinks in it is for you. Do not run screaming out. The pause is usually short and my experience is the SA just continues like I am their average customer. You can also repeat the question or just continue with something else. A few SA's have taken a bit to get past the realization that I am shopping for my self this ugly guy they are looking at. Even then my experience has been they have been helpful and professional even if they had a look of disbelief the whole time.

As for trying things on, I have yet to be refused for trying on clothes or bras and other lingerie. I have been put in a separate out of the way fitting room from others, been ask to wait while some others finished, and asked to wait while they made sure no-one else was in there. But I have also been walked right in to the middle of a busy fitting room with gals trying on things also. Including twice at VS stores.

An one last thing I have found and others have mentioned some. Make small talk with the the SA's and other customers. One I use often with other customers is asking if two items coordinate well or looks ok with my skin tone. SA's is easy, talk about almost anything related to clothing or the store. Or let the SA help you and tell them what you want. And they will be all over the store finding things that may match what you want. And if a SA is helping me and I question the fit, most times they are asking me if I want to try it on.

Go forth and enjoy,

KimberlyS-CD
joe in a skirt

[Cara Allen]

Gee I'm going to have to start shopping at the thrift stores, Sounds like you girls find a lot of nice clothes there

BUT... wait until the $5.00 a bag sale! You can fill a paper grocery bag for $5.00!!! Now, THAT is a deal! They usually have that, once a month, but be prepared to jostle and shove...(smile)

[il.dso]

Yes, shopping for me is quite an emotional challenge.
Agree with the posts above. What I try to do is to find a store that's not too crowded with saleswoman that don't seem to care that I, or anyone else, is shopping there.
Overall, I'm doing a little better with shopping. Now, the challenge is to find a new dress or suit that I like and that fits!

[Maid Barbara]

I shop for clothing at all sorts of stores, but today I was trying on a leather skirt in a thrift store, I was underdressed wearing a male sweater, corselete and fishnet stockings when the curtain was drawn back and a woman suddenly appeared. She thought her sister was in the cubicle and appologized for disturbing me. All I did was grin, she shut the curtain without any problems.
Just wondered what she thought when it registered with her what she had just seen!

[Nicole Erin]

The worst is in the hosiery area. I noticed the second I stop there, an SA will run to me asking if I need any help. :rolleyes: This is good when I need help for other things [say shopping for kitchen stuff], I stand in the hose section adn wait for an SA.

I do get a little nervous shopping but I try not to let it stop me from enjoying myself. I don't know why but the ones that make me most nervous are these idiots around the store who think they are hardcore thugs.

Checking out is no problem.

[JoAnnDallas]

I have shopped both in drab and enfem. I have been asked by SA's if I need help. So far everytime, the SA did not even bat an eye. They answered my questions, helped me find what I was looking for and a few have even made reconmendations on various items. I remember in Walmart, (I was in drab). I had just put a skort and matching top in my basket, when a SA asked if I need any help. I looked at her and said, "What kind of earrings and neckless would go with this outfit". She picked up the outfit, looked at it, put back in the basket and said, "Follow me". I followed her to the jewerly section. She helped me pick out a set of clipon earrings and a matching neckless. She then asked if I had thought of new heels for my outfit. I said, "No". So she then takes me over to the shoe department. Asks what size I am and proceeds to pick out some heels. She even gave me a pair of those nylon sock thinges. I took my shoes off and tried on various pairs. We finially settled on a pair of 2" black pumps. She then asked if I needed any Lingerie. I said No and she then said "Enjoy your new outfit, it should look great on you". She then left and I went to the front of the store and checked out. The check girl was also great about what I was buying too.

[serinalynn]

If your going to crosssdress as a woman, you cannot be afraid to go into womens clothing stores or the womens section of department stores. Don't be afraid of the SA's most of the one's i have run into will give you some real feminine perspective on how womens clothing will fit and how it should look when you are wearing it. Some womens tops need to have a bra under them when you try them on to get the right fit. I, for one, don't like to buy something take it home, try it on, only to find that the item doesn't fit. Then have to take it back for exchange or refund. you cannot be afraid of asking to use a fitting room.

In short its only your money they want, most of the stores don't care if the item(s) you buy are for you or someone else. I have one female friend who has been in retails sales of womens clothing over 25 years, she says she can tell when a guy comes into the store if he is buying for himself or someone else with out even asking! I believe that when you are buying an item that is soft, silky, charmouse,or polyesther like, Most women take the feel for granted as they wear it frequently, crossdresssers will enjoy the soft silky feminine feeling and savior it.

[Melissa A.]

Think about it. Do ya really care what some person you don't even know thinks of you? What's the absolute worst thing that can happen? That some 8 dollar an hour clerk thinks it's funny that you're a cd? OK, imagine that happening. How horrible could that be? Not very, in my estimation. In fact, the more it happens, I reckon the easier you'll get over it. Besides, most sales associates, especially in smaller clothing boutiques, actually WANT you to spend money there, regardless of your gender. In the bigger stores, they really couldn't care less, for the most part. Those small-minded people who do aren't worth worrying about. The best thing you could do to them is let them know exactly why you're there and that you don't care who knows, thereby ruining their fun. It's all in our minds, anyway. Most people either don't notice or just don't care. I go shopping with the mindset that I am a consumer and have the right to spend my money on anything I want. Do that a few times and it just gets easier. After a while, ya won't even think about it.

Hugs,

Melissa:happy:

[tricia_uktv]

Why Brenda's Friend? Until you come out a bit you will struggle painfully. But your no different than me, and isn't the nervous feeling in your stomach before you go in so good, and isn't the relief in your body after you come out so good.

No big deal - we're crossdressers, so enjoy it and be yourself,

Good luck (hugs) and I wish you all the best

[Sarah89]

Well it was only a few weeks ago when I went into a dept.store for my first shopping trip, and It was totally like scary, I couldnt stop at a clothes rail for more than 2 seconds(And of course I stuck out like a sore thumb with my stereotypical male metalhead look :p) .So I spent a good 25+ minutes just walking around , Seeing another guy looking through the clothes though was a huge confidence booster, and eventually I got settled in, but then when i got to the checkout, I looked in a mirror and saw that my face was SUPER RED lol :p.

regardless, I came home a very happy girl, and I cant wait till I get paid this friday , Hopfully somtime this weekend Im gona do some more shopping.

I also found if you try and adopt a punky "so ****ing what" attitude, it helps you not give a shit about what others think about you :p, that helped alot.

[Jodi]

The worst is in the hosiery area. I noticed the second I stop there, an SA will run to me asking if I need any help. :rolleyes: This is good when I need help for other things [say shopping for kitchen stuff], I stand in the hose section adn wait for an SA.

I do get a little nervous shopping but I try not to let it stop me from enjoying myself. I don't know why but the ones that make me most nervous are these idiots around the store who think they are hardcore thugs.

Checking out is no problem.

Erin, This is what SA's are trained to do. As a former SA in a women's clothing store, we were instructed to immediately help a man when he enters. This is done because it is assumed that a woman knows what she is looking for, but a man will require more help. If you are in a better store with well trained SA's, you can expect to be offered help immediately when you begin to brouse.

Jodi

[trannie T]

I enjoy shopping. It is even more fun when there is another man in the department trying to be invisible. I want to run up to him and say loudly, "That will look soooo good on you honey!" I would do it but my CPR card is expired.

[Veronica 1]

I went to my local thrift store this past Saturday and browsed the shelves and racks for whatever caught my eye. I was checking out the bras when another male customer came by and the look on his face was very rewarding, he was just shocked by what I was looking at. I found a nice waist nipper and 4 pair of pantyhose, still in the package, and headed for the checkout. The older lady that is usually there saw me coming and I chuckled to myself when she told the young new trainee that she was going out for a smoke. She has never said anything but I am sure that she knows the clothes are for me. The young trainee just rang my purchases through with a slight grin on her face but never said anything. As previously stated, it does not matter what they know or suppose, they all want your money and will not jeapordise a sale through a loose comment. Oh, as I walked past the older lady outside the store, I did get a grin and a wink. :D

[Angie G]

Lighten up and relax it will make shopping soooo much more fun girl :hugs:
Angie

[shirley1]

i used to be terrible in the begginning - i would walk the whole length of the shop even walk out the door and back in a few times trying to clock things i might want - then i'd go to the pub have a few beers thinking about what i'd saw and where i'd go back to - crazy its just paranioa ! knowone cares you just think they do - still i still find it easier to order through catologues online ect - i have never tried anything on in a womens clothes shop but i would like to perhaps save that for if and when i am ever dressed in that situation - think i'd enjoy it more that way !

[sissystephanie]

As a man who bought many of my wife's clothes before she passed away, as well as feminine things for myself, I totally agree with Wendy Me. The only one who knows they are for you is you! Every time I go into a store that sells womens clothing, I check out the sale racks and the lingerie. And I not only look, I frequently will take a skirt or blouse from the rack and hold it up to myself to see how it looks. I remember once I was doing that with a skirt, and a lady customer said, "that would look good on you!" I told her I thought so too, and the skirt is now in my closet.:happy: Just be confident of who you are! As many others have said, the stores want your money, they don't care who is going to wear the items!

Sissy/Stephanie

Often dressed totally feminine, but always a man underneath!

[Krystyn]

My wife and I shop together frequently...she gave me the verve and the education on how to shop women's clothing...she basically pounded into my head the fact that I have just as much right to be there(women's dept)as anyone else shopping there.Sometimes I go alone...but with an attitude.

It's my money...I'll spend it on what I want...my wife is awesome!!!

But to get that attitude going I almost have to do that Zen thing and psyche myself up.Be the shopper...Be one with the clothing...Ignore the distractions and concentrate.Once I'm in the zone...and one with the universe...I'm fine.
Shopping can be a new expierence everytime.
Krystyn

[linnea]

In the begining I used to feel the same with my shopping in women's sections of department stores...

Now, I don't care anymore.

I think the more matter of fact you appear, the less you will attract attention.

:hugs:
Eugenie

I agree. The less I think about what other people will think, the better off I am. Very few people really care (though they may take a second look at me because even when I look my best, I look like an unusually large woman or a man who is just barely passing), and those who care are unlikely to say or do anything about it.
I say, "Relax and enjoy your time en femme, whether checking out or browsing the clothes racks."

[teresa jeen]

i like the thrift store early mornings. not hardly any people, it seems the thrift store crowd like to sleep in.many more styles and a heck of a lot cheeper.you can get styles back to the 60's, or junk from to 90's. but what a bargin!!!

[silkenhose]

The worst is in the hosiery area. I noticed the second I stop there, an SA will run to me asking if I need any help. :rolleyes: This is good when I need help for other things [say shopping for kitchen stuff], I stand in the hose section adn wait for an SA.

I do get a little nervous shopping but I try not to let it stop me from enjoying myself. I don't know why but the ones that make me most nervous are these idiots around the store who think they are hardcore thugs.

Checking out is no problem.

I love it when a SA comes up to me in the hosiery dept, love asking about different kinds, what they think, which ones they use etc......when they say what size i always say what do u think will fit me best.........

[Jenna Lynn]

I have no problem paying but it is the looking that is hard for me. I went shopping in drab with a girl friend of mine to buy me some new bras, panties and outfits one day, and I was totally uneasy looking for me. My friend sensed that I was uneasy. She kept trying to convince me that it was ok and act as if I was shopping for someone else. That helped calm me down some. After spending time in a few stores, I became at ease at what I was doing. I can't wait till I can go shopping with her again.