MORE guilt

[Charlotte Cross]

I've been "out" with my wife for a little over a month now. She's accepted my "fetish" almost completely. We make love when I'm dressed and she has even gone shopping with me for some additions to my wardrobe. I'm also into bondage and she has no qualms about tying me up and "taking me".
Today we received a Victorias Secret catalog and she handed it to me to see if there was anything that I would like. If so, she told me to order it on line and even use her credit card. She also said she's looking forward to this weekend together. She even laughed and called me her little b***h!
It's all so unbelievably real and exciting.

Could it get any better than this? Isn't this what I've dreamed about and fantasized about during our 37 years of marriage together? Isn't this the dream of almost every married or single cd in this forum?

Then why do I feel guilt?

I seem to be going overboard trying to prove I'm still a man. Am I still masculine? Still the man she married all those years ago? Still the Father of our children? Still the strong ex-Marine and construction worker? Still the beer drinking, football watching, tough guy that she knew all her life?

I need some answers as to why I'm starting to try and deny the dressing and my lifelong feelings toward it. A part of me is even wishing that I hadn't said anything at all. I somehow feel like I've sort of let her down, even though she's been so sweet and has transmitted absolutely no negative feelings toward me.
It almost seems too easy, like somehow I don't deserve this.

Have any of you been through a similar thing? Do any of you have any answers or observations that might help me with my whole dream come true?
I'd appreciate any feedback you can give me.

[melissaK]

Whoa . . . an accepting participating S/O! Girl, you are way beyond my personal experiences and on your own.

But, whenever things are going "too" well I start looking over my shoulder too, waiting for some cosmic force to come punish me for having been happy . . . On that note, some SO's start out accepting, but if you go too fast, too far, they can pull back rather abruptly. Hence, warnings about "pink fogs" and such.

However I suspect you have spent your whole life in some form of denial, telling yourself that CDing is wrong, fighting your urges. Its really hard to unprogram yourself and in a way admit that you worried more than you needed to.

And, all the things you think you mean to her (marine tough hombre bedroom stud aloof 007 cowboy with a Clint Eastwood squinty eyed hang-em high glare) sound more like what YOU think you are to her, not what SHE thinks you are to her. Turns out you're just her little b*&^h . . . :-)

Hugs,
lissa

[heidi99]

I've been "out" with my wife for a little over a month now. She's accepted my "fetish" almost completely. We make love when I'm dressed and she has even gone shopping with me for some additions to my wardrobe. I'm also into bondage and she has no qualms about tying me up and "taking me".

Sounds like you're having a blast! About your question. I would imagine that the guilt stems from the fact that the secret was held for so long (37 years of marriage, and only out for 30 days.) What was her reaction when you told her? Was she affected by the fact that this was a part of you she had never gotten to know?

[Nicole Erin]

Quit worrying about all that masculine crap and just go with the flo!

[DonnaT]

Well, until she has you dressing 24/7 and doing maid chores, you are still "the man" when not dressed.

Maybe that is what you are worried about. Worried about how far she'll take being the Domme, and making you her b*tch.

Especially if you are into reading a lot of online fiction.

[Jennaie]

You, my dear are a fool if you feel guilty about this. My god, she is giving it to you on a silver platter. My little b**ch. how sweet it is. It just does not get any better than this. Be who you are and enjoy it girl.

[docrobbysherry]

CC, no ideas to rid u of your guilt. I hope u don't wake up from your dream soon. And I hope maybe I will have it, too!
RS

[Nicolette01]

Sounds wonderful having a SO that accepts your crossdressing. Enjoy it. My SO would never go along with my c'dressing.

[Diane098]

I know how you feel. I am struggling with the same problem. My wife tells me that she loves diane but I still feel like I am somehow cheating her out of something.

[Sonia_cd]

Honey, guilt is not on the list of natural emotions that we feel. Guilt is something that we manufacture for ourselves and comes from our thinking process and the little virus thoughts that plant themselves in our brains and minds. However, you are experiencing it and there is no denying that. The only way out is to ride through it and believe that there is nothing to feel guilty about. Talking to your SO about your feeling of guilt can also clear your mind of these thoughts as they may well turn out to be unfounded.

Take care...

[Susan.]

I've been exactly where you are. Well actually you are in a better place, your wife likes it. I, too, am an ex-Marine and work in the construction industry. My guilt was so bad that after sex I would immediately take off all my fem clothes. I couldn't get then off fast enough. Of course, I purged a few times over the years. I may have felt even more guiltier than you because my wife barely tolerated it. Though today she it much more tolerant.

I always wanted my wife to participate and even help initiate it to help with the guilt. But she was OK with it but only when she wasn't participating.

In any case, I can only say to enjoy it and try to forget about the guilt. It does get better, and faster than you may think. I love football, drinking and all those other masculine cliches. I guess I'm not a very feminine CD and never will be. I don't try to change my voice or really even act more feminine, though I might if I ever went outside the safety of my home.

I even went to a shrink and she helped make it seem more normal. She helped me feel better in my own skin.

Just go with the flow as somenone else stated. Don't get depressed or too down on yourself because you are not going to turn into a sissy boy or anything (not that there is anything wrong with that). Twenty years from now you'll still love football, looking at hot women, cussing and hollering at the refs.

[Stephanie Scott]

Well, I think you are cheating her if you don't give ALL of yourself to her. Withholding a part of you that is vital to who you are is not the answer. There is nothing wrong with your dichotomy of "extremes." I'm all those things. In guy mode, I'm very masculine, have a masculine job, played college football, was in the Army, etc etc. And I LOVE that side of me. In 'girl mode," I'm VERY girly, and I love that side of me, too. Use your insights/experiences in girl mode to make yourself a better husband in guy mode. Spend time romancing her, protecting her, providing for her security needs, etc. Your girl side understands "why" these things are important to her, so use it to your and your wife's advantage!

[melissacd]

I can understand and appreciate the guilt. This thing we do is so charged full of emotions, shame, guilt, repression etc...

She has shown a level of acceptance that surprises you and yet gives you a leg up on integrating this into your relationship and making it a very enjoyable part of what you share together. You are probably wondering, this is too easy, what's the catch, when is the other shoe going to drop? Her response is good, it means that you can have an open and frank discussion with her about how you feel.

I suggest that what you need to do is to talk to her. I am sure that together you can sort through this. You have a wonderful opportunity in front of you and it sounds like you have a wonderful loving partner. It is something to appreciate, something wonderful indeed.

Huggs
Melissa